30 Hammer Blows From the Narcissist



I explained how we construct the Wrong Focus so you end up concentrating on us rather than yourselves and in turn this hinders you, prevents you from moving forward and allows us to keep you where we want you, miserable, confused and wallowing in emotion. Of the thirty constituent parts of the wrong focus, what are the answers and observations to those questions and comments? Here are the truths that will enable you to avoid the effect of the Wrong Focus and thus in turn allow you to concentrate on yourself and your own needs.

  1. You will wonder why we treated you so terribly after we were so wonderful to you.

We did this because you stopped providing us with potent positive fuel. We needed to draw negative fuel from you instead in order to maintain our existence.

  1. You will want to know how we could have just left you like that after everything that you did for us?

With absolute ease. We only think of ourselves. You are just an appliance to us not a person. Someone else has our interest now and we regard them as better than you on every front.

  1. You will be perplexed as to how we are able to move on to somebody else so soon after being with you, especially since we said that you and I were soulmates and would be together until the end of time?

Those are standard hook-lines (look out for a forthcoming post on this) which we scatter like confetti in order to seduce them. We rarely mean anything we say to you as we are habitual liars

  1. What are we doing with our new acquisition?

More or less exactly what we did with you. Seducing them and giving them the golden period. We will apply similar techniques to how we charm and mesmerise them as we did with you. Expect us to say the same things, take them to the same places, buy the same gifts and so on, with some occasional changes.

  1. How are they better than you?

How long have you got? They are more beautiful, more loving, more intelligent, more successful, more fun, more admiring, more adoring, in fact whatever you were they are a thousand times better.

The truth is they are not, they may even be less than you, but we do not see that. To us they are shiny and new and thus amazing.

  1. Are we happy with that person now?

We don’t feel happy. We feel engorged by the power that surges through us from the fuel. We tell everyone we are happy though in order to maintain appearances and also in the hope you hear about our huge joy with this person.

  1. What has that person got that you haven’t?

To us, the most wonderful and potent positive fuel.

In your reality, they are little different, indeed you would be surprised by just how much in common you would have.

  1. She doesn’t even seem like our type so why on earth have we chosen her?

If she pours out positive fuel she is our type. That is all that matters. You are all appliances in our eyes.

  1. You spend your time on “Ex Watch” as you stalk our social media (and that of the new target) to see what we are doing together, what we are saying to one another and looking for any signs of trouble in this new relationship.

We want you doing this so you will not move on. You will not see any signs of trouble in paradise. Quite the contrary as we pump out the propaganda.

  1. You want our new relationship to fail so you feel better and validated because the same thing has happened to the new target as it did to you.

We know you do because that is how hateful and horrible you are and makes us wonder why on earth we ever chose. Don’t worry though, it will eventually falter, they always do.

  1. You feel a need to prove that you are happy (even though you are not) and that you need us to know that this is the case. You consider ways in which you can convey this message to us.

Don’t bother. We know you are torn apart and we will just laugh at your attempts to pretend otherwise. We can still sense what is really going on. Instead of appearing happy you would do better to appear neutral and unmoved.

  1. You wonder what you could do to win us back.

You really shouldn’t bother but you don’t have to do anything because we will hoover you soon enough.

  1. You wonder what mistakes were made that caused the relationship to fall apart.

How long have you got for us to list your litany of transgressions? The fact is that this is the case from our perspective. You did nothing wrong.

  1. You begin to imagine what is going on in between those four walls, that you knew so well once upon a time, becoming fixated with considering what is happening.

Everything that happened between you and I. It is actually frightening just how similar it is.

  1. You relive the day you had with us and think about whether we are doing the same things with the new person as we did with you.

Of course we are.

  1. You want us to explain why we did what we did?

Not going to happen. We need to keep you hanging on for answers and closure.

  1. You try to make sense of what has happened but you cannot. This does not, however, stop you from running the whole relationship through your head over and over again as you seek to find answers.

There is no point doing this. The answer does not lie there.

  1. You sit and ask yourself are we thinking about you?

No we aren’t. You don’t exist to us until you appear in a sphere of influence and then it is hoover time.

  1. You ruminate on whether we miss you at all.

We don’t miss you at all. We might miss your fuel at some point.

  1. Does she kiss us like you did?

Yes not that we care.

  1. Do we love her more than we loved you?

We will tell the world and you (and her) that we have never loved anyone like this before. Of course we have. It is always the same even though it is not love as you understand it.

  1. Have we kept the gifts you gave us?

Yes. They will be used to hoover and triangulate.

  1. Why have we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?

To provoke you and keep the new target happy.

  1. Why haven’t we deleted all the pictures of you on social media?

To provoke you and keep you hanging on.

  1. Why are we saying those things about you to other people?

It’s a smear campaign, get used to it. Everybody gets them. You are nothing special.

  1. Do we feel bad at the way that we treated you?


  1. Why does it feel like no matter what you do we always seem to win?

Because we change the rules to suit us.

  1. Will we ever speak to you again?

Oh yes. When it is hoover time.

  1. Will our friends and family still acknowledge you after everything that has happened?

No. The smear campaign is in effect. They will when we hoover you though.

  1. What if she is “the one”?

Of course she is. The replacement is always the one (until the next one).

Now you know.

59 thoughts on “30 Hammer Blows From the Narcissist

  1. truthseeker6157 says:

    Fiddleress, I’m so glad you escaped and are well on the way to starting a new chapter. There is something very satisfying about knowing Nex has been so outclassed. That did make me smirk I must confess!
    The more success stories we hear, the more hope there will be for others still desperately hurt and confused by their relationships with their narcissists. I have the next part of the addiction package still to listen to. I know already it will be just as eye opening. Step by step, we will all be forces to be reckoned with soon. Not only with respect to narcissists but within ourselves. How lovely !

    1. Fiddleress says:

      Thank you truthseeker6157! Your post brought a broad smile to my face.
      Outclassed, for sure (and he is Lower Mid-Range to boot – I seem to specialize in them).
      We don’t all go forward at the same pace, so this is not to boast, but when I measure the distance that separates me from where I was three and a half months ago when I arrived here, it is simply mind-blowing. And it is high time as well, as I am not getting any younger (been on this planet for half a century – yikes!).

      I am pleased to hear you have more of the addiction package, it is essential listening. Enjoy!

  2. BabyEmms says:

    Apologies for the terrible wording of the above. I hope it makes sense.

  3. BabyEmms says:

    Help please:
    I am 10 steps back after feeling 10 steps forward just weeks ago following narc detection from HG. Ex N turned up at my house yesterday to give me money he owes me in cash (which he normally transfers online) hugged me & said he misses me and told him apart from him
    not social distancing he shouldn’t be at my door. He said he doesn’t have to social distance from me unless I have been dating or sleeping around (he knows I wouldn’t/haven’t). After 10 mins of him going from compliments to insults and back to compliments and hugging me, He left but texted me right away to ask if he could come pick me up after work and go for a drive or a walk & chat. He then called and texted me several times through the day after I said no. He then turned up again at my house when he knew I was finished work (from home) & tooted his horn so I went out, got in the car to chat & he drove away and parked in a nearby quiet place. Said he really wanted to kiss me, he did, I loved it. He said he wanted us to have sex & a lovely night together as we both would enjoy it & no one gets hurt so why on earth wouldn’t we? Told me the others he’s been with since me were not attractive and the sex was not good like ours was. I told him I would be hurt all over again after just starting to get over all the hurt. I wanted to, so badly but told him to take me home as he obviously wanted sex and not to chat & I was crying so he took me home & drove away & texted me later to say he really did just want to chat, if he had wanted sex he could’ve persuaded me to. I’ve cried ever since for the past 16 hours.
    Was I hoovered because I did meet & kiss/touch him & gave him plenty of fuel of all tyoes? Or was I not hoovered because I rejected sex and a night with him? And am I now black again because I rejected him (first time in my life I ever have). Instead of feeling proud of myself that I didn’t give into temptation, I feel angry at myself that after everything he has put me through, I am still utterly head over heels in love with him & I don’t think I would be able to resist if he hoovers me again in future. I will read the addiction package this weekends previously recommended by HG & hope that helps.
    What other KB articles/packages would anyone recommend to help me regain the progress I had made but now feel like I’ve thrown it all away & I’m back to the hurting & confusion of 6 months ago after discard.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You should organise an audio consultation as a priority as there is a lot to explain to you arising from your comment, BE and you need it sooner rather than later, since you are focussing on the wrong things (understandably so) and this needs to be changed.

    2. truthseeker6157 says:

      Baby Emms,

      I’m so sorry you were put in this position before you were prepared. Yes you were hoovered. There is only one way to deal with him. Do not open the door. Do not answer the phone or read the texts. Cut him off. It’s not real Emma, you are being played.

      Do the consultation, HG will tell you what to do as an immediate response. Trust me, you need to do that, you don’t have time to read and understand everything before this guy comes calling and you give in. Then you will feel a hundred times worse.

      If you need assistance with the cost of consultation, I will fund it for you, just let HG know if that is what needs to happen. Sort this today Emma, you don’t have time to wait. You need to follow instructions from HG.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        A generous gesture TS6157.

        1. truthseeker6157 says:

          Baby Emms post has really got to me. She isn’t ready to deal with him, she needed more time. I just want to make sure a consultation is a real option for her.

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            It’s a wonderful gesture, TS, and I hope Baby Emms takes you up on it <3

          2. Violetta says:

            I’d be glad to donate my pathetic $10 just to remind Emms there are a significant number of people who care about her. Emms, I’m all for understanding so you don’t waste time asking HG basic things, but this is the time to do, not to understand. You can understand later, after you have done whatever HG advises.

            My narc trauma was mostly before there was a Narcsite to guide people like me, but I now see that my Emotional Thinking wouldn’t calm down enough to let me understand much of anything until I had been away from the situation long enough for some Logical Thinking to operate. Postpone studying the materials and do the consult.

            HG, please let me know if Emms needs donations. I know some readers can cover all of it, but I want her to know how many of us are pulling for her, even if we’re only giving a drop in the bucket.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You’ve issued your rallying call Violetta.

    3. lickemtomorrow says:

      This is such a heartfelt post and I can sense the urgency of the situation. He does not sound like he’s going to give up and you need to be able to protect yourself. Not trying to forgo any advice HG can give you, but can I suggest you never get into the car with him again if possible? This is a potentially dangerous situation in which he could hold you captive in more way than one. Please consider your safety in the situation. Also, the fact he has slept around on his admission is an indication there’s a possibility he’s contracted some form of STD. Keeping that in mind might just help to discourage any more intimate physical contact.

      I know it’s hard.

      I really hope you can tee up the consult with HG and Truthseeker is enabling that to happen as well.

      Please take care of yourself and remember that we’re here to support you, too. So many of us have been in the same boat and can relate to your situation. The push/pull dynamic of these relationships is what keeps us bound. I truly feel your pain. I know HG can help.

      Sending love and peaceful thoughts your way <3

    4. lisk says:


      I smell potential self-victory on your part, mainly because this victory is HUGE: “I rejected him (first time in my life I ever have).”

      Whether or not you’ve been painted black, please take this victory and run with it in a consultation with HG.

      You have a lot of work to do. Now you have the right resources. I bet you can trust yourself to go No Contact and not too soon.

    5. Empath007 says:

      Oh man, Baby Emms !! That’s brutal. It’s so hard to resist the temptation… we’ve all been there and we understand. It’s just not fair they provide such mind blowing sex. But you are coming here and talking about it and you turned him down !! That’s amazing. Keep telling yourself you can do it and that you’re doing the right thing. A specific article that has helped me time and time again is temptation. If you haven’t read it yet look it up ! I hope it helps you too !

  4. Joe says:

    Hi H.G. Thought you’d be interested to hear, today there was an article in the guardian about ‘whirlwind romances’ during lockdown. They described the golden period and seduction as if you’d written it yourself. I commented, mentioning your work, that this was clear evidence of the narcissistic dynamic and the relationships would turn sour. My comment was removed by the moderators! Everyone was like “good for them”. Goes to show how ingrained the ignorance is.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Joe, thank you for attempting to spread the word and shows there is still a lot to do.
      By the way, send me the names of the Ignorant, I will have them disincentivized.

      1. Joe says:

        Always happy to help you, h. G you did me a solid with the consultation. One day I’ll tell you the story of what happened next… I think it would amuse you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Entertain me! And you are welcome.

    2. lisk says:

      Wow, Joe! Nice rec!

      HG tore this article apart in the recent The Covid Coupling.

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        I’ve just read this one and once again it is brilliant!

        I can’t believe they took Joe’s comment down during moderation???!!!

        Is narcissist a dirty word? Why? I drop that bomb wherever I can now.

  5. Fiddleress says:

    “You did nothing wrong”: it hits me (ok, so I wasn’t sure if I should confess that it still moves me to tears, but here goes) every time I read this in your articles and books.

    I also enjoyed the humourous tone in the replies to our questions.

  6. Emextraordinaire says:

    #28 yep

  7. free forever says:

    Every question every empath has is here. No other post needs to be read . It’s clear, it’s concise , and it’s as honest as a narcissist can be .

    Im not venting . I am actually agreeing . Well done.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

  8. truthseeker6157 says:

    If I’d read this a few weeks ago, I think I would have been upset by it. I actually don’t ‘feel’ anything now. Probably for a variety of reasons, not least your work has clearly had an impact on my view of my own situation. So thank you for that. Narc detector had the required effect. I would recommend it to anyone, it was certainly a turning point for me.

    What is it like to be a narcissist? The more I read, the more I think, ‘Not that great.’ It’s pure repetition. You start every relationship expecting it to end, if you admit it or not. You use the same lines, same seduction, same gifts, same restaurants, same locations, all within the same sphere. You chase your next hit of fuel and feel the pangs every morning, like an addict looking for his next fix. As such, you cannot be content on your own for any length of time.

    You have the trappings of success but don’t really enjoy them. Not really. You either chase the next shiny new toy, or, you work to safeguard what you already have. You allow hangers on. Even when it comes to women. It matters not if they are seduced by the lifestyle, just so long as they are in fact seduced and pump out the fuel. That part I just don’t get at all. Repetition, day in, day out. On the face of it, the empath is the injured party. And yes, she pays the price. But, In most cases, she recovers and moves on. She heals. Eventually.

    Meanwhile, you are still headed to the same restaurants, spinning the same lines, with a similar girl. Isn’t it boring?! I cannot understand how your fuel requirements continue to be met operating in this way. I have read Fuel. I understand how it works, but the sheer sameness of it all is what I just can’t wrap my head around. You must never be surprised by anything or by anyone. You are actor, director, producer. The extras are recruited and the audience is staged.

    This feels like an attack. It isn’t meant to be, at all. I just wish there was another way for you and your brethren that’s all. You at least are self aware. There has to be a different choice here. Find it!

    1. Emextraordinaire says:

      I have wondered the same.

    2. lickemtomorrow says:

      Hi Truthseeker, I always enjoy your comments and this is another one that hits the mark for me.

      The ending is especially spectacular … ‘Find it!’

      I wonder what HG will have to say (and I hope he says something), but either way, you’ve got me along with a big smile at your forthright truthseeking ways 🙂

      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        Hey lickemtomorrow 🙂
        Thank you. I did feel a bit guilty on later reflection. I do stand by my question here though. I do believe there are other possible avenues, even taking into account the narcissistic personality.
        (Will you come and break me out if I get sent to the dungeon?) lol x

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Of course 😉

          Although I do have a sense HG values honest speech here and you’re unlikely to find yourself in the dungeon for this one.

          I guess asking a narcissist to think like us is like asking us to think like a narcissist. That’s the closest I can get to work this one out. In other words, never gonna’ happen regardless of the amount of understanding that can be generated. We are of a certain nature and, tbh, who would want to become a narcissist? Maybe narcs think the same way. It’s a bit of an ‘ewww’ from them to be disenfranchised from all the power they hold, control they need, and desire to gather fuel in order to maintain their construct.

          And, don’t forget. The ‘creature’ must never see the light of day. I know we all want to storm this castle and breach the walls. Pour over the top and overwhelm the inhabitant/s. There’s got to be some way of freeing the captive. But, first, the captive must want to be free.

      2. Narc noob says:

        LMT, unfortunately if it’s posted already without a comment it usually means he won’t comment.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          Well, it looks like HG was good enough to come back with his thoughts around this one, NN. And it must be incredibly repetitive for him sometimes, so I commend his patience in explaining and directing us if and when he can. I think often just putting our own thoughts out there gets us to where we need to be, and other posters help to highlight that as well.

          This is turning out to be an interesting conversation, so I’m glad we’re all here to see where it leads.

    3. HG Tudor says:

      I have answered this many times and therefore I shall be brief. You think it is boring because of the way you view it form your perspective. Remember, we see the world differently and it is not boring and it is not repetitive, because the narcissism does not show it that way.

      1. truthseeker6157 says:

        Thank you for your response. My apologies for asking a question that you have answered before. I really am doing my best to better understand the narcissistic perspective. I read the words, but I’m not accepting the words if that makes sense?

        One further question if I may. The post ‘Stargazing with the Shieldmaiden.’ She asks you how you feel when you look up at the night sky. You consider various possible responses, amongst them is the honest answer. What would have happened if you had answered that question honestly do you think? What would happen if you were to lower the facade for just a minute, so you have the opportunity to gauge an honest reaction in response to a glimpse of how you really are?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No need to apologise.

          A transference of power which means losing control, which cannot happen.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            This thing has you every which way.
            Thank you, you have been very patient. Much appreciated HG.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

        2. lickemtomorrow says:

          Once again asking a question that had been on my mind also. You definitely are ‘the truthseeker’.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            What a great way to put it! Storming the castle and pouring over the walls. Perfect. Now where did I put my cape? * Swoosh*

    4. blackcoffee30 says:

      @Truthseeker This is a brilliant encapsulation.

      What I now find pathetic and paradoxical is that it is the Narc’s persona that is validated (with fuel), not the Narc.

    5. Empath007 says:

      Aren’t all of our lives repetitive to some degree though ? Empaths also tend to follow similar patterns in their relationships as well. Yes we can heal from one narcissits and move on… but in my experince (and from watching my friends and family)the next one seems to be waiting around the corner… for us to repeat the same pattern with. Perhaps with knowledge we can defeat that pattern, but that still takes a lot of internal work to break a cycle most of us have known our whole lives. And some of us may never find the answers as to why we keep attaching ourselves to the emotionally unavailable.

      Life is full of cyclical patterns… even our jobs… most of us clock in and out doing the same repetitive tasks over and over until we move up, or go back to school… to find ourselves in the next job with repetitive tasks.
      I would imagine for the narcissist their patterns don’t depress them at all. Especially when they generally “win” all the time (whether that is magical thinking or not).

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Accurate. I anticipated that someone would make the points in your first paragraph, saving me the need of doing so. Thank you for that.

        1. Empath007 says:

          No problem. It’s simply the truth.

      2. Hi Empath 007 🙂 I have to disagree from a personal perspective, but agree with the thinking behind your comment. I’ve had only one run in with a narcissist relationship wise. It spun me around completely, and for far longer than it should have. In retrospect it wasn’t even a real relationship but it left me utterly heartbroken nonetheless.

        I am an empath and have worked in a male dominated industry, interacting at a level where theoretically you would expect to see a number of narcissists. I’m either, incredibly lucky or I’m not getting drawn in for some reason. Or, I’m a really bad empath! We should probably consider that as a possibility too lol.

        My relationships to date haven’t followed any particular pattern other than the fact that I have ended them all. I’ve moved around a lot within my career and through personal choice. I don’t have any real patterns socially either, largely due to the fact that I have moved around so much. I do get bored easily so in fairness my viewpoint might be biased in that direction. In many ways I think I’ve just been lucky.

        I do understand and accept that empaths are sitting targets for narcissists and I accept also that many have been in truly horrible situations right from the get go with narcissistic parents and or siblings. Some of the accounts on here are utterly heartbreaking. In the personal context of this thread though I have to say no. I don’t see much repetition in my life at all. I will say the narcissist interaction I did have was unlike anything I have experienced before and so I agree with the fact that I am likely addicted to narcissists.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Hello 🙂 You do have a pattern.. you said it… you get bored quickly and move on (from places, work and relationships) your pattern works for you.

          A narcissist could say the same thing… they see something shiny and new… they get bored they move on. There really isn’t another way for them because they are so addicited to fuel. I have also only had 2 encounters with narcissists (romantically).But I can gaurentee I am always going to be supcebtile to them, personally I am a co dependant which I think puts me at a huge disadvantage compared to standard or super empaths perhaps you fall into those categories (and you’re not a bad empath lol it’s good you don’t keep ending up with narcs!) … I get your perspective… it’s so frustrating to think people can’t change…. but fundamentally a lot can’t, won’t or simply don’t want too. The best we can do is respect their choices and then in turn make the best choices for ourselves. Which may mean going no contact.

          1. truthseeker6157 says:

            I never thought of that Empath 007! Maybe I do have my own pattern. Some moves were work opportunities but later ones were me. I have developed Wanderlust through default maybe!
            I do think that with knowledge patterns can be changed, totally agree with you there. Also, feeling the need to be with someone and part of a pair is a good thing I think. It’s lovely being in a relationship as long as your needs are met too. I have faith that you are in the right place to strengthen, through understanding yourself better and protect yourself through understanding narcissists better. Hopefully going forward, you will have all those giving qualities recognised AND reciprocated in equal measure by the person that’s entirely right for you 🙂

        2. Empath007 says:

          I should add it’s incredibly heathy that you are not afraid of ending your relationships and moving on to pursue new things ! I’m a tad jealous as my co dependency keeps me believing I HAVE to remain attached to someone. And it’s completely self defeating and needs to stop.

      3. Fiddleress says:

        Empath007: you took the words out of my… fingers on the keyboard. I was going to write the same. I actually decided to stop dating for a few years because of the repetition of the same pattern in my relationships, which I would never have understood had I not arrived here. I had decided that I was simply not meant to be in a relationship given the men I fell for. Of course, when that particular N came along last year, I broke my vow as I hoped that “this time, it will work”! Maybe I didn’t come across any N (romantically) for those few years before him. And I must admit I was beginning to find life boring… Well, I know why now, and most of all, I will know better from now on.

        1. Empath007 says:

          Just when we think we are out.. another sucks as back in… good for you for breaking free again though ! That says a lot in itself.

          I sometimes think the issue is that (for me personally) I feel
          Unloveable and worthless somewhere deep down inside. Like I’m nothing unless I am wrapped up in someone else’s image of me. I crave validation from others…
          And who better to provide validation then a narc during the golden period.

          I’m starting to work on it. But it’s a lot more difficult then I thought…. to break all these old patterns of mine.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I will enable you to overcome these feelings, I’ve done so with others.

          2. Empath007 says:

            You make it all sound so simple H.G. it doesn’t feel simple to me.

            I remember the first narc in my life.. a teacher… who idealized me… I was young (12) and I thought him giving me all this attention made me
            Worth something. It was not sexual, I was a NISS. But he was the first narc to put me on a pedestal. I became addicted to that feeling I suppose. Even in my 30s I ran into him not long ago… still painted white… he just gushed.

            I wish I could give that feeling to myself.

            I put on a tough front. I hide behind my anger. But deep down inside… i know I need to stop that. And work on what’s really going on. I feel more ready for that then I did when I found this site a year ago.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            “It doesn’t feel simple to me.”

            That is what I tackle.

          4. Fiddleress says:

            I hear you, re feeling unloveable and worthless. I know the feeling. And your post has made me realise that the last time I felt unloveable and worthless was when I was with that N and while I was recovering from him until very recently, so thank you. (I am still careful to keep away from him, but I feel much better now where he is concerned.)

            You are in the best place to get there. It is hard work indeed, but you will get there. You can trust HG when he tells you he will enable you to do so.
            Sending plenty of support your way.

          5. Empath007 says:

            Awe. HG… I read that and admittedly all I can think is “My Knight in shining armour” ❤️ Not sure that’s the best thing for me to be thinking haha.

            If anyone can help it’s you. My therapist certainly couldn’t. She essentially re victimized me. I don’t hold it against her she’s probably a narc herself lol.

            One day I’ll get up
            The courage to consult.

            Thank you for even responding.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

        2. truthseeker6157 says:

          Fiddleress, have you listened to ‘Addiction Foundation’ yet? Narcangel suggested it for me and I’m so glad she did. It was like sitting in a dark room and someone turning the light on for me. I had thought that with the narc, for the first time, I had found someone who fully understood me. That’s how it felt. But it wasn’t to do with that at all. When I listened to that material, I thought, ‘ this now makes perfect sense.’

          It shone so much light too on why I am the way I am in other situations. Not being able to stand small talk for example. I’m like Lucifer off the tv series. ‘Tell me your desires.’ Really, tell me your life story, tell me anything, just don’t make small talk. Things I regarded as shortcomings in myself aren’t necessarily. It’s normal for me and for us. We never really get a chance to express or discuss this stuff. It’s too weird for most people. The irony is, that it’s a narcissist who is teaching me more about being an empath than I’ve ever been able to learn before. If you haven’t listened to that material yet, I really recommend you do. It’s worth it’s weight in gold.

          I’ve said enough for one night. I’m going to practice being quiet now. 🤭

          1. lickemtomorrow says:

            I enjoy your commentary, TS, so please don’t stop. Many of the things you say resonate with me. The feeling understood was something I experienced, too.

          2. Fiddleress says:

            Truthseeker, Yes, I have listened to “The Addiction – Foundation”; I have the Addiction Triple Package, in fact; they really go together.
            “The Addiction’ was one of the most enlightening moments in my life! It does make perfect sense to know we have this addiction (I have a serious one) to Ns.
            That is right, I had to find HG to finally understand how I function, and understand so many things in my life, and at last see a new way forward. The most ironic for me is that I really owe this to two narcissists: the N I escaped in January (I never want to suffer again as I did with him, but I do not hate him), and HG, who is the flip side of the narcissist coin compared to the N I knew. In terms of the impact on my life.

            That other N would be so mad (it would be a blow to his belief that he and his intelligence are superior to everybody else’s) if he knew how empowered I am becoming thanks to someone who is clearly far superior to him. This in itself stops me hating Nex.

        3. Empath007 says:

          Thanks to you and truth seeker for your kind words. I wish you both the best on your own journeys as well.

  9. lickemtomorrow says:

    Ii can’t stand the thought (as per No.22) that the mementos he has of me could be used to triangulate the new source. I have purposefully removed myself from any sphere of influence for now, but the fact that he could still ‘use’ me like that actually sickens me. And that some poor women is undergoing the same treatment I did. I feel sorry for his past entanglements and his future ones, as well as myself. And yet the blindness to his machinations existed in all of us, until it was too late. The horror story continues to unfold.

    Another eye opening post highlighting our different mindsets and the fallout from those.

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