What Your Smile Means To The Narcissist




I just love that special smile of yours. I know that the first time I saw you displaying it that I wanted it for myself. I wanted to be the recipient of that smile and I wanted it so badly, oh so very badly that I went for you with ferocious determination. I watched as it slowly formed, your delectable lips twisting upwards and then parted to allow your teeth to be seen. Many animals bare their teeth as a warning to others to stay back, but not you. As you revealed your teeth and your smile widened into a grin I watched transfixed.

I could see the effect it had on those near you. I could see how they felt happier for seeing your smile. I detected it in their faces, in their reactions and if I had been close enough I have little doubt that I would have been able to hear their pleasure and joy as you allowed them to bask in the warmth of your smile. It was inclusive. You showed it to everyone sat around that table and nobody was missed out. You did not break into laughter.

That would almost have been vulgar and spoilt scintillating effect of the way you conveyed such emotion to others near you. I continued to watch from my position across the bar as the words of whoever it was I was with that night, I cannot recall now, became nothing but white noise. I only allowed myself to hear her expressions of irritation at how I was distracted by you.

I made my excuses, feigning illness and dispatched whoever it was I was with, I cannot recall now, in a taxi with an already broken promise to call whoever it was, I cannot recall now and once that person who I cannot now recall had gone I returned to the restaurant. I positioned myself next to your table, sat at the bar and allowed myself to eavesdrop on the conversation that you were engaged in as I allowed myself a closer examination of your smile.

It appeared frequently and never diminished in its brilliance. It was engaging, captivating and I had to have it. With customary ease I allowed myself to join your table once the dining had been concluded on the pretext of making a point arising from something you had said. I had already established from the body language around the table that none of the attending men were accompanying you and the behaviour of the other women indicated they were no more than friends. No ring rested on your wedding finger and you responded to my polite intrusion with a brief flash of that smile. I knew the drawbridge was down and the portcullis was up.

Accordingly, I made your smile mine and how I revelled in those perfect lips as they moved into that glorious smile. I had known fuller lips but yours were certainly not what I would call thin. Your left cheek dimpled when you smiled broadly and thereafter I knew that your smile was only truly for me. Yes, you smiled for others and I was proud of you for doing so, allowing them to experience it but only at a fraction of what was reserved for me.

I was the sole recipient of the full magnitude of that smile and its amazing effect. You conveyed so much to me with your smile. The times you smiled at me in supportive admiration as I held forth at dinner parties, your appreciative smile when I did something for you, the sensual smile when you knew that our sexual congress was looming, the amazed smile when I stunned you with yet another example of my brilliance, your satisfied smile when you lookedat me across the living room from where you were reading a book, safe and content in our world where your smile was mine and nobody else’s.

I relished seeing your sleepy smile when I turned to you in the morning and gently kissed you on the nose. I delighted when you contacted me using your video capability on your ‘phone and you deliberately showed only your smiling mouth. Countless times I would record you doing so and play the footage back when I sat alone and relished the sensation which washed over me as I watched.

What made your smile so special was the fact that you gave it willingly to me. You told me that nobody had made you smile as much as I had. I took no issue with that for I knew it was something that I was entirely capable of. Your sweet, illuminating smile belonged to me, was engaged for me and existed just for me. I worked so hard to ensure that your mouth gave me that smile again and again and again. It sustained me and invigorated me, turning a moment of weakness into one of edifying strength in but a moment.

I can truly say that nobody else has had a smile which has such an effect on me as yours. I saw what it did for other people and I knew that they were only experiencing a small percentage of what I felt because the true power and radiance of that smile was kept just for me because you understood me, you knew how I needed it and you were content and delighted to provide it to me. It was a beautiful smile, a beguiling smile, an admiring smile, a playful smile, an engaging smile, an enticing smile, an uplifting smile and so much more but above all else it was your special smile. Special for me.

Most of all though I cherished your smile because better than anyone else you knew how to hide everything behind that smile. I knew this is what you did and I knew he began teaching you to do so all that time ago. I made sure  that you continued to use your smile in this way. I completed your learning. Now it cloaked everything that the world did not need to know about. I made your smile extra-special didn’t I?

5 thoughts on “What Your Smile Means To The Narcissist

  1. lickemtomorrow says:

    How many tears have been hidden behind that smile?

    So many.

    Putting on a good face for others. Not wanting them to see.

    I made a mistake. I’m being abused.

    Ashamed for anyone to know the truth.

    I don’t know how many times I denied myself by doing this.

    I do know you couldn’t count them on two hands.

    1. Leea says:

      Wow!! I have been told all of my life about my beautiful smile.. it used to be a true smile- infectious-full of REAL joy. During my time with the narc I used it to hide the pain I was enduring! Now, he’s gone and I can enjoy my REAL smile again.. Oh! How I missed it so!

      1. lickemtomorrow says:

        I think this is an important post by HG to highlight an aspect of these relationships we often don’t talk about. How we put on a ‘brave face’ in order to counter the suspicion of others and to hide the true effect of what is going on. We do it for ourselves and we do it for others. Many of us have been taught to do it. Sometimes it is appropriate, in that what could and should be shared is not for sharing with everyone. But, the truth is every time we do it we deny ourselves and that’s what hurts us the most.

        I’m so glad you moved on and that you and others can enjoy your beautiful smile again 🙂

  2. cadavera666 says:

    Do narcissists typically say I love you during the hoover phase? The relationship is 3 months old, give or take a week or two. He seems to have no issue with posting it on social media in response to her memes of what a wonderful, mature man she has found who “took down her walls and set her soul on fire”. In her recent selfies, she doesn’t look happy like you’d think someone would after posting the above in quotes meme. I checked out her ex and holy fucknuts–the dude posts some serious gibberish (drunk posting I’m guessing) and rants about shit that makes no sense. The current guy whom I know, posts rants that are pretty negative in nature but at least that make sense. Some other similarities I came across and it looks like she just got with a younger version of her ex husband–new narc is 35, she’ll be 52 in 2 weeks and ex is 50. Knowing the current narc as well as I do, I did a doubletake because it seemed as if she was speaking about a completely different person. She doesn’t live near he and I but about an hour and 45 min away so maybe distance is making the heart grow fonder? I was surprised to see him being so open with his lovey dovey words for all to see. This is the same guy who smear campaigned me in March and also last Nov on social media. I’m wondering what she thought of all that since her posts are all memes consisting of spiritual quotes and positive affirmations and the things he said were so ugly that one would think she, with her unicorns and kitty cats, might find offensive. I’ve also questioned that maybe he’s not a narc but just an asshole and maybe it’s my own perceptions and personal experience that gave me the idea that he’s a narcissist. How can one tell if the person is a total douche vs a narc? I think I’m missing something here.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Often, but not always.

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