Envy and jealousy form two of the limited range of emotions that we are permitted. Of course, our reduced range of emotional responses is entirely by design so that we are furnished only with those emotions which drive us forward in our pursuit of fuel and thus we are freed from the hindering effects of many emotions which you experience such as compassion, sadness and joy.

Envy and jealousy certainly provide us with the impetus and motivation to gather our precious fuel but they are emotions that you exhibit as well. Admittedly, there are those amongst your number that are so selfless and giving that an envious thought or look of jealousy rarely clouds your saintly features, but for many of your kind there is a bitterness that arises from this jealousy although we know you would never admit it and would prefer to blame it on us. These narcissistic traits exist for you also, although they are usually kept in check by the stronger empathic traits which you have, unless they are reduced in some way, usually by us.

Take for example the following exchange I had with one of my ex-girlfriends. I have not named the individual,not because I have some semblance of decency by granting her anonymity. Not at all. No, this is borne out of highlighting that this conversation could have taken place with any number of my ex-girlfriends. It is a conversation that could have taken place with many of you. She was in a period of devaluation and was providing me with plenty of negative fuel so as I worked behind the scenes to line-up my new prospect there was no urgency to bring about disengagement.. We had arranged to meet at a wine bar. I was fifteen minutes late – according to her.

“Oh here at last,” she remarked as I walked in to the wine bar. I pretended not to notice her at first,my eye caught by a tall and attractive lady who was stood near to me at the bar. I smiled at the tall lady and she returned it. Fuel.

“I said,” declared the ex in a louder voice, “you are here at last.”

I turned to where she was sat as if noticing her for the first time.

“Ah hello, yes what a day, major deal going on and I had to take a conference call with New York,Pretoria and Frankfurt. It’s all happening I can tell you.”

“You could have rung to say you were running late, I have been sat here wondering where you were.”

“Am I late? We said 7-15.”

“No, seven o’clock.”

“I think you will find it was 7-15. I remember distinctly because I told my secretary to schedule the conference call for 4pm to last for no longer than 3 hours to give me sufficient time to get here. Big deal you see, so it needed that time allocated to it.”

“Well, I was busy too you know,” she remarked.

“Not on the scale I have been my dear,” I replied with a smile as I continued to scan the wine bar to see if there was anybody I knew and any further opportunities to gather fuel.

“Oh of course, your work is always more important than mine isn’t it?”

“No need to be like that, I am just stating a fact.”

She began to say something but I cut her off by pointing at her wine glass which was nearly empty and asking,

“Which wine is that?”

“Er, the chardonnay,” she replied.

“The Chablis here is far better, I will get that,” I remark and smile as I see her twist her face at my comment. I indicated to a waitress to come over to the table and I ordered two glasses of the Chablis.

“A far better choice,” I declare pleasantly,

“Oh it would be wouldn’t it since you chose it?” she added sourly.

I pretend I didn’t hear and thrust my hand out and revealed a watch from underneath the double cuff of my shirt.

“What do you think of this then? Impressive no?”

“Why have you bought that? I got you a watch only last month,” she announced in irritation.

“I know but, well, this is of a superior quality and the strap on the one you got me did not fit my wrist properly, not like this one,” I explained and I then continued to espouse the virtues of the chronological item as her face darkened. I of course revelled in this but I maintained the pretence that I did not notice.

“Anyway, enough of that,” she snapped.

“Something the matter? Not jealous are you? Jealous? Of a watch?”

“No I’m not jealous,” she answered far too quickly.

“Yes you are.”

“No I am not, anyway, where are we going this weekend? I thought we might go to Rockcliffe for a couple of nights, the restaurant in the orangerie is apparently really good,” she continued.

“I am not going there.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have been invited to Guisborough instead.”

“Who by?”

“What’s it got to do with you?”

“Er just a bit, I am your girlfriend or had you forgotten about that?”

“I would rather not say, you will only get jealous,” I grinned.

She looked indignant.

“Let’s just say Guisborough is better than Rockcliffe so that is where I will be going,” I added.

“Oh I see, you always have to go one better than what I suggest,” she snarled.

“Hey,I cannot help it if people who have excellent choice invite me to such a place can I?”

“You do it all the time. I get a new car, so you do the same only yours is more expensive. I gained a promotion and rather than congratulate me you tell me all about the targets you apparently smashed. I cook you a fantastic dinner but you tell me it is not as good as the one you did the previous week. I show you a picture and you tell me you have one that is similar only yours is better. Good God, I even told you about a moisturiser I was using, just chit chat and you have to explain how the one you use is superior to it. What is wrong with you? You always have to bring it back to you and go one better?”

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” I replied feigning a look of displeasure despite the fact I was revelling in all this fuel that was being provided.

“You are consumed by your petty envy. I share what I achieve, I tell you first, I let you into everything I do so you can feel reassured that you are with someone who is successful and all you can ever do is be jealous and envious. How about being pleased for me for once rather than thinking about yourself?”

“I cannot believe what I am hearing. You boast all the time, you do it with everything. You tell me repeatedly about how you are ‘kicking ass and taking names’ at work, how the higher-ups adore you, how you are looking at buying an even larger house and how you have always been the highest achiever in your family. I told you about my degree result, yours had to be a class higher, if that is even true of course as sometimes I wonder. Your university was better than mine, your post code is a more desirable area,you have more friends than me, you have visited more countries than me. Every time I try and tell you something you have to trump it and go one better,” she continued as the anger tainted her words.

I slowly stand and her eyes widen as she seems surprised by my movement.

“I’m not sitting here listening to your poison I am parked on a double yellow line and I am not getting a ticket just because you are envious of me,” I hiss. I turn as I hear her shout after me.

“There you go again, it couldn’t be a single yellow line could it? Oh no.”

I smiled and walked away content in the knowledge that these continued bouts of envy provided me with such delicious fuel.

So predictable. Single yellow?

So deliciously bittersweet.

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13 thoughts on “Bitter

  1. Duchessbea says:

    HG, as a greater, and also a narc psychopath, have you ever had an obsession with someone to the point of needing to know everything about them and wanting to isolate them from everyone they know, or if you haven’t, in your opinion is this something behaviour wise that perhaps a narc psychopath would do? (I am referring to a much older married man also a grandfather having a fixated obsession with a young woman for years).
    Thanks HG.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The first point is to determine whether there is actually an obsession or not. Many times, owing to altered perception driven by emotional thinking people (honestly but mistakenly) form a view which does not hold up to scrutiny when evidence is looked for. For example, a client stated she was being hoovered “incessantly” (I know the individual from many consults and she is an empath). We went to the evidence and she had been hoovered four times in two months, that is not incessant but her ET had her believing it was.

      1. Asp Emp says:

        I liked this comment, HG. This is a classic example of how emotional thinking can ‘con’ an empath – obviously, it depends on how deep the emotional thinking level is and on the experiences of the empath’s life / interaction(s) with narcissism. It goes to show how you, HG, can help to bring the logical thinking of empaths into line by applying your understanding of narcissism.

  2. BC30 says:

    Sometimes I was doing an internal eye roll in my head. I’m materialistic in a very odd way, so the bragging was a bit annoying. There was also never really anything to compete with in my romantic ensnarement.

    My colleague OTOH is constantly trying to one-up everyone else. She doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t and don’t want to be interviewed on national media. No thank! I hated it. As a matter of fact, I send those offers her way.

  3. Asp Emp says:

    It was a double yellow line…… wasn’t it?

  4. MP says:

    I’m not a naturally envious or jealous person but when I was at the thick of my narc battle/ensnarement with my stepdaughters, I became competitive against them and I eventually became unhappy when something nice happens to them because I know that they are going to make such a big deal about it and use it to put me down as a contrast to their celebration. Their celebrations or achievements are not complete unless they found someone else to contrast themselves otherwise it doesn’t seem have a point for them. They can’t just enjoy things for the pure essence of it. But normally I’m happy when something good happens to people who do not put me down even when it has nothing to do with me.

    1. lickemtomorrow says:

      I’m wondering if this is a common thing with narcissistic ensnarements, MP, or maybe it’s the particular kind of narcissist. But a sense of competitiveness definitely derives for me when I am dealing with a narcissist. My mother set up a sense of competition between us, which I think is common for daughter’s of narcissistic mothers, and would gloat over any perceived failures of mine. There was an element of ‘one upmanship’ about our relationship as well. She had to ‘one up’ me to prove she was superior somehow. I could never rest in having achieved something, there always had to be a means of stealing that from me, the sense of satisfaction or joy. I think what you said about their celebrations or achievements not being complete unless they are contrasting that against others achievements really hits the nail on the head. They have to be better than others, not just enjoy being good enough themselves. My mother smacked of a sense of superiority and had to prove that even against her own daughter. It’s very hard to be happy for others when they are seeking by their own ‘happiness’ or success to diminish you or put you down. And that does happen with narcissists.

      1. MP says:

        LET, I don’t think who’ve seen this reply before.
        One thing you shared before that really resonated with me was the foreboding joy because narcissists always has to make sweet things sour for us. I was so used to them giving a condescending comment or put down whenever someone would praise me or I achieved something. But even the birth of my son, their half brother they tried to steal my joy from it by criticizing my newborn baby and comparing him to them on how he is not as good as they were when they were born. I think narcissists are really that insecure that they need other people as yardsticks to measure themselves against. I think it’s the same for everyone with NPD regardless of schools otherwise they wouldn’t have NPD. What your mother did was triangulation and that is how narcissists make themselves be the center of competing sides. That is one of my biggest red flags for people, when I notice triangulation. That’s why when there’s group thinking, queen bees, scapegoats, and favored people in any organization/group whether formal or informal, I’m pretty sure there’s at least one narcissist there.

        1. lickemtomorrow says:

          MP, I’d forgotten I’d even written it! I appreciate your response <3

          I like the way you say "make sweet things sour" … that's exactly what it is. They can only feel good by putting others beneath them, which it sounds like what happened with your son when he was born. How awful! It's the envy that makes them do that.

          I think it was a combination of things with my mother, but triangulation was also a part of it. And definitely it is a massive red flag. And exactly the way you describe it – queen bees, scapegoats and so on. That's a great understanding to keep in mind when you see people being set against eachother whether in a family or society. The narcissist will be the author of chaos in those situations for the most part.

  5. Ciara says:

    I just watched your video “how to make a narc respect you” the part you said narc can’t produce what’s not in them is so true! It’s funny but dead on right.. The only thing a person should would want from a narc is for the narc drop out of sight and never 👎🏿 return.

  6. Ciara says:

    How is she jealous ? I don’t get it . It seems that you are envy and jealous of her. Always trying to stay a head. She is asking why do you do that? She’s not bragging about her accomplishments. Jealousy and envy is a tormented killer. It must feel horrible to see others get accomplishments and the only thing one can do is lie to succeed or go broke trying to keep up. People on the outside looking in don’t know how or what ladder that person has to climb in order to get what they have;The only thing they see is “why me” and envy to get the attention on them hahaha! Its the attention they crave.Although it’s Some are lazy and selfish, who are envy and jealous of others but don’t want to work for it. Always want something for nothing. I’ve never been impressed by what a person has, (I don’t give a care)because I know whatever they got I can achieve it as well if I want it. When you know what you are capable of , it is no need for competition . The game was won before the competitor began.Therefore, if they are high standards good for them , show the next person how it was done..

    1. NarcHater says:

      The competitors are always the losers tho.

  7. Lisa says:

    God this is so horrible to read. It reminds me of a time when I bought my Monster a watch just last Christmas and he only went and bought a more expensive one online because he said it was a good bargain.

    While I was reading this I actually felt so scared. Scared of myself because I was with someone like you for 6 years, not as bad as you when we lived together but most definitely in the past 6 months since I had to get him out of my home. He is now living in a hotel free because of Covid. But by God has he turned into a smug degenerative. Loving every bit of attention he gets yet when he lived with me he was or seemed happy for us to be on our own. I have also found out what my gut instinct knew for 5 months that he was or is indeed cheating with something or someone else.

    Never underestimate the power an empath holds either. We are very well tuned in and I am just sorry I didn’t dump the abusive lying manipulating cheating freak months ago. But one thing is for sure I will Never Ever look into his ugly black eyes Ever again. He is also 63 almost 64 years old so I do hope he rots away somewhere because he is dead to me now. I also believe this vile creature must be paying somebody to be with him because there is no way anyone in their right mind would be with the horrendous violent abusive cheating weirdo.

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