Do you remember when you were at school and your friends all appeared to know something that you did not? They gave each other knowing looks, made sideways references to “this thing” and smiled and giggled. Unsettling wasn’t it? You asked them to tell you, you pleaded and you may even have become upset or angry, threatening your friends with some repercussion if they did not tell you what it was that they knew. Usually it was nothing. Just a device devised to play a game with you, to provoke a reaction, to cause you to react and it worked. Then you were in on the secret and you could join in and play it against the next unsuspecting individual. Nevertheless, you did not like that sensation of not knowing did you? Few people do. How many times when someone has gone missing, have anguished people declared,

“It’s the not knowing which really gets to you.”

The apprehension you experience when you wait to receive your examination results. You know you studied hard during the year, carried out the revision in the right way and you felt the examination went well, but you can never be sure can you, it is the lack of knowing which gnaws away at you until you receive the result.

Waiting for some test results concerning your health causes anxiety and concern. Even if it is bad news, once you have those results you can then take action, make plans and formulate a way forward but whilst you do not know, you are stuck, paralysed and frozen. It is an unpleasant sensation at best and an utterly debilitating one at worst.

You do not like secrets. We thrive on them.

So much of what we are is a secret. We are like a series of chests, compartments and vaults in which various secrets have been placed. Some have been placed there with the intention of never being revealed, either to you or even to ourselves. Others are those secrets about what we really are or what we actually do and we close the lid, slam the door shut and turn the key in the hope that you do not find them out and expose us for what we truly are. We do not want you to find out that the honey-coated façade is just that as you open a dark box and find the full horror of our true behaviour lurking inside. The past behaviours and historic actions are consigned into the depths of archive storage to prevent you from knowing what we really did to our ex-partner, what was said to our brother that has meant we have not spoken in ten years or the catalogue of infidelities that we engaged in. If you were ever allowed admission to those dark corridors you would pass the vaults, chests and caskets into which the secrets of our kind have been placed. Wife-beater, alcoholic, smack head, fraudster, closet homosexual, expenses fiddler, serial cheater, elder abuser, fence, conman, contemptor of court, distant parent, liar, convict, tax fraud, cross-dresser, sexual degenerate and so much more besides. Many secrets, some of which you may eventually look upon, so many you may never know about. So many secrets hidden away, pushed into the recesses, concealed and secreted so that prying eyes do not learn the truth of what we say and do.

Yet, our secrecy goes further than that. We delight in letting you know that we have some kind of secret in order to exert control over you. We revel in giving you a glimpse of something but then pulling it from view. We engage in half-comments, low whispers and veiled comments in order to pique your interest but then we relish withholding the full tale. We take pleasure in these insignificant mysteries that cause you to question and probe. After all, we do know how you behaved when you were so much younger and how the sensation of not being able to know troubles you. It troubles you and your kind more than others. Like the older boy at school, we have snatched your lunch money and now hold it above your head, almost in reach as you hop and jump, frustration increasing as you attempt to recover it. You want to get hold of what it is that we know so you can satisfy your own need to know. We recognise this and therefore engage in the playing of games where we suggest, hint, partially reveal and allude to so that your interest is gained. We tease as we make oblique references to something in the expectation that you will bite. We will sit staring into space, cultivating the appearance of depth and intrigue as you observe us and wonder what we are thinking about. You will of course ask and we will give you some cryptic response which has you pondering and probing further. Whatever we told you is nothing to do with what we were actually thinking about. We may have been admiring the view from the window, we might have been wondering how the match would turn out and most likely we were considering which of the growing stable of prospects to message next. Instead we will trot out some comment or line which gives the appearance of us being pre-occupied with some weighty matter, something possibly beyond the wit of you, something which makes us appear mysterious and heavyweight. The intrigue adds to the allure but it also plays to your desire to need to know  The keeping back of information, the withholding of knowledge, the cloak and dagger routine is all part of the act. The true secrets will never be revealed to you. The secret we allude to is non-existent. It is just a device to control you. It is a means of keeping you bound to us, asking, wondering and probing. The half-answers and titbits are there to confuse, bewilder and cause your anxiety. The mysterious murmurs, the ponderous gaze and the comments to ourselves which you can only partially hear are mere ruses. They are to give us the appearance of depth when it is lacking. The creation of so many apparent secrets is to keep you away from the real secrets by leading you in a different direction and to make us appear deep and of substance. We look to snatch your consideration and scrutiny and make it belong to us instead.

The playing of secrecy continues after the cessation of our formal relationship. Always when you have been discarded and often even when you escape, how many times are your night bedfellows not some other person but the ghosting questions of how, what, why, when and where? You are given no answers as to what has happened and this is when the secrecy takes on the greatest significance as we have entered you into the maze where you try to find a way through it in order to understand how we could have done what we did, what on earth happened to you, why did we do those things, when will we come back and where did it all go wrong? We condition you throughout your dance with us to be intrigued by us, to wonder, to speculate, to pontificate and so forth so that it builds and builds until when we cast you to one side you can do nothing but keep wanting to learn our secrets, to open those doors, to slide back the bolts and open the portals, to raise the lids and lift the covers. This keeps you coming back to us, it keeps you hanging on in the hope that one day there will be a momentous reveal and it will all make sense. You wait in the expectation that all the secrets of this person that you still love will be revealed to you. But it never happens. Not by him or her. The unmasking comes from another place.

It is  no secret that you have the key to the narcissistic universe in your hands now.

37 thoughts on “Secrets

  1. Ciara says:

    JB, … it’s there ..yep our emotional thinking blinds us Ughh! 😂
    Countalexula, Will you explain what you’re saying more clear?

    1. JB says:

      Ciara, it certainly does!

  2. Ciara says:

    Nobody knows everything about a person. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been friends or lived together. People will tell you what they want you to know, yeah some may give you a glimpse of them but when you think it’s figured out, they’ll do a 180 turn..By the time a person get the secret it’s all jacked up 😂. All we got to do is listen to the narc, They really tell and show us we just don’t pay it any attention. That emotional thinking brrr! 🤔

    1. JB says:


      Yes! Exactly this! On reflection it’s amazing how much the narcissists I have known actually revealed about who they are. One narcissist I knew, I can actually pinpoint the moment when the mask came off and I saw a different side, at the time there was a tiny part of me which thought hang on, this isn’t right (mostly a physical sensation but subsequently followed up by actual thoughts), but I pushed it to the back of my mind, because I just didn’t want it to be true that the person I had trusted was actually a con artist of sorts. I guess hindsight is a wonderful thing!

  3. A Victor says:

    What caught me on this one, when I had the video on recently, was the reveling in causing us to wonder what’s up. It succeeded in making me quite angry at my ex, for a few moments. Then relief that he was not longer in my life. This was one of the most cruel things he did to me and it was there from the beginning and continued until I found narcsite and have been able to piece some things together.

  4. countalexula says:

    We do exist and we aint a myth, sum of u on ere may be one. We r often mistaken for the super empath or the contagion empath, we r both of these types of empath but more, not superior but equal as all humans r equal. When u encounter us we will seem crazy, insane, backwards, strange fruit, not counter cultural but outside culture, u will feel light and dark energy pouring out if us in duality. Mirroring u 4 what u r and ur potential. U will see urselves in us and either love us, or hate us. U can’t just take or leave us, there’s no middle ground with us. We r often mistook as narcs cos of our projected darkside, people can find us extremely scary and dangerous though we r not. We r loners, lonewolves, we r the jester and sacred clowns and we r hystericaly funny. We r the paradox, the meeting shifters, the interupters, the changers in perception, we r the greator narc and ultra narcs worst nightmare cos we inflict wivout meaning to harm the greator or ultra narc the greatest narc injury. We tear down the false construct of the greator and ultra narc and unleash the monstor or creature wivin that literaly eats the upper and greator narc alive, we rob and starve em of their fuel that melts away their glue holding the false construct together. The ultra narc isn’t the superior being, there is no superior being. But there is the most powerful being amoungst humans, the mature heyoka empath who is dead to selfishness but alive help others. If u ever meet a mature heyoka ur life will change forever either 4 the better of 4 the worse, not that the mature heyoka will deliberately harm u mind, they wont do that. Blessings to u. Saint Anger.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not mistaken for narcissists, are narcissists.

      1. Violetta says:


        I comment you for making your way through that conglomeration of buzzwords and textspeak. I gave up.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          Looks like somebody here ordered a Word Salad, as H.G. once said. 😂😂😂😂

          But I guess we all agree on the kick-ass menu 😉😁

        2. Violetta says:

          Autocorrect. 😒

      2. leelasfuelstinks says:

        And I just provided fuel 🤦‍♀️ but couldn´t hold my tongue! 😂😂

      3. countalexula says:

        I dont understand hg ur point?

      4. countalexula says:

        In sum cases yes that’s true of the wendigo false heyoka empath i agree hg ur right, the wendigi would be ur greator narc or upper greator-ultra narc and they know their narcs to posing as avmature heyoka, or shaman even, a darkside shaman in the black occultic arts. Or even in the case of the immature heyoka or heyoka that hasn’t woken up to what they r wil profect a strong darkise. But not in the mature heyoka or contagion empath as we r effectionately but wrongly called. Extreme empaths we r wrongly called to, not that we take offence by being called contagion or extreme. One of the growth periods of a mature heyoka is that they r convinced their narcs and go through a deep long dark night of the soul that can last months, sometimes on rare occassions years.

        Horrified and racked with guilt and shame (not toxic shame mind) of the pain we av caused others. And an immediate resolution by going to that person or persons to make ammends to em in any shape or form quietly and wivout boasting bout it, or penance 4 want of a better word. Even more horrified that we could do such evil things and furthermore even more horrified that we r narcs. No narc would go through that process of guilt and shame 4 the pain they av caused people, not self pity 4 ourselves but genuine remorse when we see the pain in the peoples faces we av hurt. We r even willing to be taken to the police and go to jail if necessary so that justice can be dun on us, I’ve seen it happen.

        Accordingly it absolutely breaks us, we can literally feel their pain and take it into ourselves and we suffer that pain to. No narc would ever go through that or understsnd that feeling, cognitively yes they would understand it as u know hg, but not feel it, impossible 4 the narc.

        1. leelasfuelstinks says:

          Oh come on, buddy! It´s time for your meds! 💉💊🩹 How about some good old Haldol? 💉

          1. Asp Emp says:

            It appears that the meds have been taken already! 😉

    2. Asp Emp says:

      I should have known……

    3. leelasfuelstinks says:

      Hey there! What exactly did you take? I want that too! 😂🤪

      1. Asp Emp says:

        I reckon he spends all day ‘reading’ his balls and takes ‘messages’ about the supposedly heyokas…… he’s talking yarbles….

    4. JB says:

      Countalexula, I am confused as to what you are saying. Are you saying narcissists are often mistaken for empaths, or are you talking about a completely different category of person?

      1. leelasfuelstinks says:

        Either narcissist, schizophrenic or bipolar 1 mania. Don´t bother. 😉

        1. JB says:

          Think that’s my biggest problem, I should say ‘Don’t bother’ to myself more often! 😂

          1. leelasfuelstinks says:

            Same here! 😉

      2. Bubbles says:

        Dearest JB,
        From memory, his name is Alex, aka Saint Anger … he’s flown in and out before … I believe he preaches in Church St Wales
        You may like to look up some previous thread comments (where’s K when you need her, miss you K) 😂
        I remember looking him up, there was the same discussion about hekoya empaths (but I’ve had a sleep since then) hehe
        Born again, after a somewhat troubled soul and has lead quite a colourful life
        Countalexula appears to be his new name…..I think !
        We were all a bit confused back then as well 🤣
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. Asp Emp says:

          Bubbles, RE: your comment….. here is one of the links…. Laughing, as I recall these very well……

          it was around this date…..

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            Who’s a clever one? 😉Hehe
            I think he’s been under Alex as well …. I’m sure Mr Tudor has a classified dossier on him 😂.
            Well done Asp, cheers 🥂
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          2. Asp Emp says:

            Hello Bubbles, I think if you recall, “Heyoka” has been using various names….. why on earth would HG, sorry, Mr Tudor, have a ‘dossier’ on that guy?

            No worries, I was hoping to find the other thread where it got really ‘interesting’….. that one made me laugh even more than the one I sent you. 🙂

          3. Bubbles says:

            Dearest Asp Emp,
            I was just being silly AE…. he’s allowed in purely for training purposes 😂
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

          4. Asp Emp says:

            Ah, Bubbles….. excellent, of course, silly me not to realise 😉 Yes, HG can ‘test’ our ET levels and LT when (IF) we respond to…. sorry what was that seagull’s name? Laughing.

            Gawd, it’s bordering on an Emotional and Logical Thinking ‘boot camp’……. (not intending to be offensive, HG) – however it does work 🙂

        2. JB says:

          Bubbles, ah yes, that does ring a bell now I think about it, didn’t realise it was the same person. Thanks for the info! Xx

          1. Bubbles says:

            Dearest JB,
            You’re very welcome
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        3. BC30 says:

          Shout out to K!

  5. Asp Emp says:

    My words on an earlier post of this article…….

    “I learned & understood more about myself through KTN than I did with other people”

    Sums up what is probably the most important part of my journey on KTN blog. A key to the mystery of my life.

  6. leelasfuelstinks says:

    Oh yes, and that´s a great video on Youtube about secrets on your channel, H.G.! Narcs have many dark secrets which they don´t want us to know and the question is whether we want to know them at all? Especially Mid Rangers keep tons of secrets because the facade has a great importance to them. I think there are a lot of things the Mid Rangers hide due to facade management. I would say the Middle Mid Rangers, team False Angel, are the worst, with the most dirty, dark secrets. The facade is extremely important to them.

  7. Theresa Brezovski says:

    H.G. If indeed like attracts like. Why doesn’t the Narc make another Narc his or her PPI?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some do.

      See When Narcissists Collide.

  8. Kathrin says:

    Hello HG,

    I’d like to ask why would narcissist start following on social media his ex partner if 1. she escaped 5 years ego and she is married now. 2. He has new IPPS of two years and they live together and it looks like the golden period is still going?

    The ex who escaped him for another man (her husband now) made him huge wounding, he was depressed and collapsed for a long time. He was obsessively stalking her and trying to bring her back. She didnt want to, she was happy with new man. But after years he found a new partner he commited to (living together) and suddenly after years of no contact the ex lovers refollowed each other on social media.

    Is it because narcissist started devaluation of new partner and wants some triangulation and other manipulation tactics or is it because he finally settled down, has no hard feelings towards ex and wants to just remain civil or friendly with no bad intenstions towards ex or current partner?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Why are you watching what the narcissist is doing? That is a breach of no contact.
      2. An ex IPPS still belongs to the narcissist in the mind of the narcissist (conscious or unconscious) and therefore this results in a risk of hoovering because of the sense of entitlement, lack of emotional empathy and absence of boundary recognition which supports the direct assertion of control over the ex IPPS through a hoover.
      3. The current IPPS is likely to be in devaluation which increases the risk for the former IPPS of being hoovered.
      I recommend you organise a consultation with me so I can advise you in greater detail.

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