No Contact Suicide : Part Two
I have explained previously that there are two guaranteed ways by which you will cause your no contact regime to be breached. The first method is as a consequence of you contacting us first, where we anticipate that you will make that contact with us, be it in person, by telephone call, text message or social media contact. The second method by which you commit no contact suicide arises where we contact you, but you, in effect left the door wide open. In a way, to describe it as no contact suicide is slightly misleading because for suicide to be committed, this presupposes that no contact was actually in place to begin with. Many people may well think that they have imposed no contact, but they have not done so and this second form of ‘suicide’ is very common indeed.
The second method of committing no contact suicide is where you leave open a route by which we may contact you of an electronic nature. Accordingly, this mistake includes :-
- Not blocking our telephone number
- Not blocking our e-mail address
- Not blocking us on every social media platform
- Not changing your telephone number(s)
- Not changing your e-mail address(es)
- Not removing yourself from every social media platform
You will notice that there are two parts to ensuring a robust no contact regime when it concerns electronic communications. The first is to prevent us from contacting you using our existing platform – we can call or text you from our existing number and it gets through, we can continue to e-mail you from our existing e-mail address, we are able to post messages to your social media and send direct messages from our relevant account or accounts.
You may be surprised to learn that many people do not block us when they are supposedly implementing no contact. For a smaller percentage this is because those individuals have misunderstood the concept of no contact. They think it is all about ensuring that the victim does not contact the narcissist and therefore believes, mistakenly, that numbers ought not to be blocked because the victim believes they will resist the urge to contact the narcissist (thus avoiding No Contact Suicide Part One). A further percentage do so either naively or arrogantly because they believe that the narcissist has gone. The victim believes that since the narcissist raged at them and told them it was over and that they never wanted to see the victim again, that must mean this was the ‘final discard’.
As I have stated many, many times, there is no such thing as a Final Discard
You may think that you have caused massive wounding to the narcissist, that you exposed the narcissist in such a way that there is no way on earth that the narcissist is going to hoover you. So many times I have read comments and questions from my readers where they state
‘There is no chance of him hoovering me, not after the way I made him go beserk.”
“She would not dare to hoover me, not since she knows that I know what she is really like and that I will tell everyone.”
“He has someone else and after the way he left me, he is not going to come back and hoover me.”
Such thinking is complacent and dangerous.
There is always a risk of a hoover.
Furthermore, if you think you have put in place a no contact regime but have left the door open by not blocking our access to you through any and all electronic means of contacting you, then you WILL be hoovered. It may not be straight away (especially if the narcissist has selected a new prospect who we are infatuated with) but it will happen. I see comments from people stating that they have not heard from the narcissist in three weeks. Three weeks? That is nothing. Others may say it has been silent for six months and therefore they know they are safe. Rubbish. I hoovered somebody after a gap of twelve years.
If you do not block us from ‘phone, e-mail and/or social media you are inviting a hoover. Why is this?
- We are creatures of economy. If there is a simple, straight-forward and low energy method of contacting you, we will take it. Consider this, if we could not contact you through electronic communication, what are some of our alternative options? Write a pen and paper letter to you? Organise a lieutenant to hoover you in person or by telephone? Send you a gift? Attend on you in person? Those are all options but they require more effort (and sometimes considerably more) than the simple action of sending a text stating ‘Hi’.
- It invites a swift response from you. As your emotional thinking surges on receipt of the message, it is so easy for you to type a reply and answer before you even grasp what you are doing and what you are inviting. You can pause before opening a gift, you may work out a Lieutenant is hoovering you on our behalf and therefore keep your emotional thinking under better control and therefore provide no information to this Lieutenant. You may recognise the hand-writing on an envelope and pause before opening it, your logic attempting to keep you from falling prey to the emotional thinking. Once that text has landed, showing our name and message, sometimes even on your locked screen, then you are much more likely to respond to it.
- The electronic medium allows us to dip a toe in the water. This is especially important for Mid Range Narcissists. If we were to attend on you in person and you ignore us, this causes substantial wounding. In order to avoid this, our kind prefer to be in a position to test the water first. If you ignore a social media message, yes it will wound, but it will not be substantial and we will try at least one more time. If you respond, be it pleasantly or unpleasantly, you have still responded and this signals to us that you will do so again. If your response is pleasant, we instinctively know that we are pushing an open door so we shall text/message again. The messages become an exchange, become a conversation and then emboldened and encourage and also fuelled, we speak with you on the telephone, knowing that you will not reject us and then we meet and before you realise you are in our bed and in our grasp once again. The electronic medium enables us to create a landing point without too much risk and once established it becomes a bridge head for further messages as we hoover you hard.
- Even if you do not respond (and we anticipate that you will) we know you will see the message and this will provide us with Thought Fuel. This may give way to feeling wounded when time passes and there is no response, but we still gathered some Thought Fuel beforehand.
- Our need to exert control is so great that if you present us with an easy way of getting in touch with you, we will take it. You may as well send us the keys to your house and leave the front door open. Even if you have wounded us in the past, the impact of that fades over time (and indeed is often outweighed by our expectation of high quality hoover fuel, the need to assert our superiority, to get control over you again and in certain instances to punish you). We will not pass up the opportunity to hoover you if you have left an electronic gate open.
Accordingly, if you do not block us from all methods of electronic communication then you are committing no contact suicide. You will be hoovered and your attempt at no contact has failed. It is highly likely that our hoovering will prove successful and we will garner fuel from you as well as resurrecting the Formal Relationship (as and when we choose).
I know there are many of you who want to be hoovered because you want that contact from us once again. You have not got your emotional thinking under control at all. If you leave that electronic gateway open you will be hoovered but do understand this will happen when we decide, not when you want it to happen. Accordingly, if you are the disengaged former IPPS it is highly likely we will have someone else and therefore (unless it is malign) you will not be hoovered until your replacement is in devaluation which could be months or even years later. If you are a shelved IPSS you will face a hoover, but not necessarily when you want it. You will receive comfort crumbs instead and the hoover to take you off the shelf is decided by us, not you. If you are a disengaged IPSS then we have no interest in you because we are engaging with other more reliable appliances and yes with the electronic gateway open, you will be hoovered, but at a future point of our choosing, not at your dictating.
However, blocking of our electronic method of reaching you is not sufficient. You need to go further otherwise you are still committing no contact suicide.
You must change the telephone number.
You must change the e-mail address.
You must come off social media.
This is because although blocking will have some effect, it is still not enough.
We will ring you/text you from an alternative number, use a Lieutenant’s number (maybe someone you thought you could trust and thus you take the call or read the text) so we circumvent your blocking of us.
We will create a new e-mail address and do so repeatedly to get around your blocking of us.
We will create false profiles or message through someone else’s profile, or just stalk you using these profiles even if we do not contact you.
Of course changing the profiles/numbers/e-mail addresses will not guarantee that you will not be hoovered because of course some (not all) of our kind will expend effort in getting hold of these new numbers and e-mail addresses, but if you block and change you are putting in place a hurdle which will go some considerable way to raising the Hoover Bar and thus diminishing the risk of a hoover.
You will either force us to expend time and effort to ascertain the new numbers etc and/or you will force us to use alternative methods to hoover you and breach your no contact. We may not know where you live or where you work, or these venues may be some distance away and thus by closing (as far as possible) the electronic gateway by blocking and changing there is more chance we will focus on an easy target rather than waste time trying to gain fuel from a source which has become more difficult to extract from.
A total no contact is very hard to achieve. Moving continents, fleeing to the mountains and changing everything about your prior life, cutting off all routes of reaching you through friends and family etc is doable but is difficult. However, if you do not block and change the electronic method of reaching you, you are committing no contact suicide and you will be hoovered at a future point.
If you have to have come channel of communication with the narcissist (for instance co-parenting) then choose e-mail. Make it clear that this is the only means by which the narcissist can communicate with you, that you will only check the e-mail address say twice a week at a set time for e-mails and no other time. This way you will reduce your exposure to the hoovers which have to get through (by reason of the need for some communication) and with them being in writing you can regulate yourself in terms of your response and endeavour to get your emotional thinking under control.
Do not fall into the trap of thinking that keeping open electronic channels is a pressure valve or a safe way of ensuring we do not turn up in person. This is incorrect and is an outcome of emotional thinking. If you think it is a wise move to keep open a text communication so this will prevent us from coming to see you in person, this is bad thinking, because
- Doing this WILL mean you are hoovered with the consequences of you feeling anxious, being subjected to more and repeated hoovers through text and more
- These repeated hoovers which have been allowed to happen because of the easy electronic route will invariably result in your emotional thinking surging and then we have managed to start seeing you in person again. Do not think you can resist this happening because it is very hard for you to do because your tipping point is reached through the repeated surging of your emotional thinking.
- If we cannot reach you through electronic means it is NOT a given that we will turn up in person for the reasons explained above. Even if we do, you can still avoid the hoover, escape it and cause wounding.
It is very simple ; keep any form of electronic communication in place with us and you are committing no contact suicide and you will be hoovered at an appropriate point.
28 thoughts on “No Contact Suicide : Part Two”
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A curious.creature…helps others..if only the tin Man had a heart too .
This Miranda Lambert song says it all:
https://youtu.be/Y8PWkTnsrCo
Strangely I dared myself to listen to it again yesterday, two years on from the ‘con’, but we weren’t quite done yet then. He’d ripped the rug out from under me, and this song allowed me to express it. I feel Miranda Lambert had her finger on the pulse when she wrote it.
When I did listen, I recalled the devastation without feeling the pain. Having said that, I won’t be listening to it again any time soon.
Hi LET,
Just been on WP trying to solve my non notification problem. It now appears that all the links to my conversation history have disappeared. All 21 pages of them. Hopefully this post appears and records the thread in WP. I think others are having similar issues, I replied to you on a previous thread a while ago but I don’t think you got it either!
I know what you mean about significant songs. The song came on the radio the other day. I was in the car with other people so couldn’t switch channels without it looking odd. So I listened. Similar to you, not a song I want to revisit too often. It took me back to the time and place when the narc sent me the song. It didn’t upset me, I just had a strange empty feeling that I can’t quite put my finger on. From a manipulation perspective, I couldn’t help but recognise it was a clever song to send to keep me in the game. Sometimes I almost appreciate their narc craft.
Hope you are well. Xx
TS6157,
I’ve been having issues not getting notified of responses to my blog comments too.
The narc from last year, gave me a song on my mp3 and told me it reminded him of me and that it’s our song now. I don’t listen to it now, as if I did, it would haunt me and the memories would flood my mind. It wouldn’t hurt as much, but it would make me feel odd, almost empty, an echo of pain that isn’t there physically, but my mind still screams, STOP IT! NOOOOOO! The mp3 player he gave me, I don’t touch, it’s in a drawer and not played with now. I can still feel him in my thoughts, but my heart is protected now from his touch.
Hi Rebecca,
An echo of pain I think is probably a very good way to describe it. It’s a long way away but there’s a memory of it. It feels as if I’m instinctively trying to remember something I have forgotten, whilst at the same time not allowing myself to reach for the memory. So the result is just a ‘nothing’ with an echo of pain.
Bin the MP3 player, actually, you could drive over it! Go on, drive over it, it’ll make you laugh and remove future temptation to boot.
Xx
Hey TS <3
WordPress is a pain in the ass 😛 I'm sorry if I missed your notification, though I do try to revisit threads when I think I may get a response. If you remind me which thread I can look it up 🙂
Yes, I can identify with your feeling when the song came on the radio, except I probably broke a no contact rule by listening by choice (my bad). I think I was testing myself. You were 'tested' inadvertently, but the fact you just felt an emptiness rather than a heightening of emotion is obviously a good sign. I think recognising the illusion means that when it is taken away there is literally nothing left. Nothing to agonise over, much like waking from a dream. It's not reality. It's an occurrence with no actual meaning or anchor in real life. Once the pain subsides it's a whole bucket of nothing.
Narcs are clever in their manipulations and I, too, can appreciate their 'craft' at times when I can see it for what it is. The reason for the appreciation is it can help arm us for the future as we uncover their ploys. It is a lesson learnt in life, if nothing else. I won't ever be caught again in the same way, and I'm sure you won't either xox.
Hello LET x
I found one! I found one! Yes “pain in the ass” is an accurate description for WordPress. I know have a new five threads stored on there, all those comments and discussions and that’s all I have to show for it. Maybe it’s a good thing to be unable to easily refer to the old me.
Yes, I agree, it’s important to understand the narc craft so that we can deftly avoid it in future. When I see it in action now it seems obvious, clunky. It really does require the ET from our side before it becomes deadly. With fresh eyes and low ET it very much loses its mystique.
So nice to see the blog back in action, I missed all of the discussions and ponderings on here.
Xx
TS, is this emptiness regret and longing?
With music, I always feel a mixture of wonderful warmth, regret and longing.
Warm and emptiness at the same time.
The same in moments of greatest happiness. When I laugh and feel light, that’s when I miss him the most, that he can’t be part of it…
Hi Joa,
In this instance no, although music can cause me to instantly feel a huge range of different and specific emotions. I could be neutral in mood, listen to a piece of music and feel intense sadness, hopelessness or loss. I react more intensely to instrumental music but there are some songs with lyrics that evoke a strong emotional response.
The only emotion I don’t experience through music is happiness. If I’m sad, no happy song will assist. I can get fired up or motivated through music, but I don’t experience happiness. For me I think happiness requires another person or the thought of another person. I experience peace and contentment when alone, but not what I would describe as happiness.
We’ve spoken about our playlists before 🙂 Music is a key part of my daily life, a comfort, a companion and at times, a lifeline.
The emptiness I described in my earlier comment wasn’t longing or regret, more, a hint of sadness about something long forgotten.
You sounded sad in your last comment Joa. Bad day on the emotional roller coaster?
Xx
TS, it’s the same with me, but I can charge music every emotion. Also bursting with happiness and bursting energy.
Last week, Narcissists at work made me frustrated. I came home furious, I wanted to kick, howl, punch and strangle. I fired up sedative music, but I went too far and energized myself so much, that I loved the whole world for another 24 hours 🙂 Surely the next day at work they were wondering what I was taking, but I didn’t omit anyone, so at the end of the day the whole company left in a bubbly mood, ha ha ha 🙂 After returning, I was down for three hours. And then there was calm 🙂
I often regulate my emotions with music. I manipulate myself 🙂
I like every genre, except cheap disco.
I’ve noticed that Ns sticks rigidly to the genre or listens only to music from their youth. As if they didn’t develop musically…
“…something long forgotten” – yes, you described it perfectly.
No TS, I wrote the last sentence without any particular emotion or sadness – it’s just a fact. In moments of quiet, lazy happiness – I miss N. (my painting) the most. After all these years, I’m used to it.
Hi Joa,
I’m glad you aren’t down, all credit to you, you are extremely resilient as far as those work narcs are concerned! Don’t let them grind you down!
I am similar, I use music to manipulate my own mood. If it is a bland day with little emotional input, I’ll go to a playlist just to experience something deeper. I got my first speeding ticket listening to dance music in the car haha! I use music on purpose to get fired up at the gym. I have a specific song that a play when I’m going for a max deadlift. The bar doesn’t move off the floor, failure. At this point I play the song, back up from the bar, listen, listen, walk forwards, lift on exactly 1minute 19 seconds in, works every time. Max rep done! My trainer says that it’s down to adrenaline. If we can produce adrenaline in response to music then we must also produce different hormones in response to different types of music. The more sensitive to the music we are, the more readily we likely produce the hormones, serotonin, dopamine etc.
Do you have Contagion as part of your empathic make up? Don’t reveal it if you aren’t comfortable, I’m just curious to see if those with a Contagion element experience a greater sensitivity to music.
Lovely to hear from you Joa xx
TS, it’s OK. I get the biggest “beatings” now at work, because I distanced myself (perfidiously betrayed :)). Ignoring, flattening, surly, feigned impatience, no eye contact, black PR behind the back, a wonderful pedestal for a new, fresh source (slight jealousy, although she is a nice, cultured and helpful girl – she will eventually be in our group Empaths., although she does not know it yet, asleep at the moment).
I feel calm (outbursts from time to time, but I get over them quickly). Just wait. I know whose ambitions will boil over like milk, who will feel all-consuming anxiety and who will get bored with “sweetness” = who will come to me first.
I can see things being done by Narcs. on purpose, so I haven’t left orbit (matrix) yet 🙂
It’s a pleasure to rest, it’s like a well-deserved retirement from Narcs. after 20 years of faithful service at high speed – although unfortunately I am far from a real retirement.
Let’s say it’s a time of mutual observation and looking for holes.
—————–
N1 – offended “for eternity.” This serves his relationship, which has blossomed again (don’t thank me :P). I think he can stand without contact for up to two years 🙂
—————–
N2, well, there was a wave, there will be contrast. He has his goals now (slight jealousy and a wave of hand). I decided to keep quiet, so that he wouldn’t disgust me. I give away our end. We will surely go again.
I’m starting to feel like I’m wasting my talent 🙂 His power fades, but small to medium waves are nice from time to time. OK.
It’s like a memory…
—————–
I focus on cementing and strengthening relationships with Empaths. In stages, in a slightly less “magical” and simpler way, I inculcate the knowledge confirmed and acquired here. I gently and almost imperceptibly sharpen their claws. I am building a common, stable front. Grassroots strength. I know I will need it soon. Them too.
—————–
Music – yes, you have to be careful in the car 🙂 You can drive away sharply when it comes to focusing on the road 🙂
I’m known to dance and sing while driving a car – sitting down 🙂 Yes, that woman with open windows, long hair flowing, making strange faces and body contortions while driving – that’s me 🙂 My hallmark, please don’t laugh, just get infected 🙂
1/3 Geyser,
1/3 Contagion,
1/3 Savior.
As you know, I have no problem revealing anything 🙂 I’m not afraid of getting hurt or fighting. I’m not going to hide either. To quote the classic: “It’s stronger than me” 🙂
I also read your messages with great pleasure xx
(Note that I have absorbed your English xx 🙂 ).
Joa,
So the work narcs have found themselves a shiny new toy have they? That will be interesting to watch. I think retiring for a short while and watching that unfold will reveal quite a lot. I think you will view their behaviours as formulaic, predictable, obvious. I think you will see them with new eyes and find them boring.
I thought about this when chatting on another Narcsite thread. I look for a real depth of character. That’s what I find interesting. I remember my mum commenting on an old boyfriend of mine, “You like him because he’s deep. You never fully know what he’s thinking.” Certain narcissists portray a depth of character, the idea that they have lived and endured, that they notice things as we do, but in reality they don’t have the emotional palette to truly link in to us.
I can see you as a guide 🙂 Building your empath army haha! I have played a similar role recently, been the guide to a previously unaware empath. Watching someone else grow stronger is incredibly rewarding. I didn’t expect to find strength for myself because of it though. That was a surprise. My priority was only to help another empath to recognise their empathic traits and to see them as strengths not weaknesses. I realise now that the bonds we form with other empaths do have real depth. The support runs both ways. There is no ‘take’ as there is with the narcissist, both empaths ensure that support is fully reciprocal.
I think this new arrival to your workplace is a really good thing because I know that empaths are definitely stronger in pairs. Focus on building those empathic relationships because they will endure. You’re right, these are the relationships that we all need. You are more than capable of fighting alone, but why should you have to? Besides that, I have also found that there is fun to be had when two aware empaths have narcs fluttering round them! It all just becomes so obvious. 😊.
Xx
TS6157,
I haven’t decided what to do with it yet. The mp3 player I’m speaking of,I thought about watching it burn ,in a fire pit, in my backyard, or maybe send it to a certain person with a note, so my justice trait feels validated, or just simply trash it. Decisions, decisions…the angry side of me wants justice and paybacks. It’s so strong, oh how much I want to give into my anger, my guilt keeps me from acting on it, but just barely. I haven’t been provoked enough to just send it out. No recent hoover attempts, so I wait and see….waiting and anticipating my strike, just give me reason, go on, let’s play, shall we, as I grin big thinking about the whinny, pity player of a midranger I dealt with before….
Hey Rebecca,
I can appreciate the desire to make a statement by sending the MP3 player back in response to a hoover or by provoking a hoover response through sending it back with a note. Something along the lines of “Here, have it back, I have a better one now, you always were cheap.” Along the right lines? We haven’t spoken too often on the blog so there might be others who know you better, can advise better. This is how I see it though.
Burn it, drive over it, throw it against a wall, or give it to goodwill, but don’t keep it. It’s a link, holding onto mementos even in anger is Emotional Thinking. If he hoovers and you send it with the most insulting note you can think of, he wins, you gave negative fuel. Your ET goes up, your narc trait of anger powering your ET to keep him front and centre in your mind. You lose. He might hoover a second time in response, this time malign, it hurts, you lose again.
He doesn’t hoover, you send it back unprompted on a high ET day. He is almost certain to respond with a hoover. Maybe it’s benign this time, apologetic, he sounds like he used to at the start, so you respond again. Your ET goes up, now you miss him, you wish things were different. You wonder if he is a narc after all, if he might change, these thoughts powered by elevated ET. Now he’s front and centre again, harder to forget.
You can’t win by holding onto it. If you really want to stick it to him, you put yourself first. You fortify no contact, ignore him, remove every trace of him, every card, gift, memento, playlist and thought. Stick it to him good, in a way that really does wound. You have the tools to do that now, you didn’t before.
So do it, get rid, and smile as another bond breaks.
Another music sensitive empath eh? How lovely!
Xx
TS6157,
The LMRSOMATIC told me, he didn’t play me, he put me in perspective. I understand what he meant by that. He also said, I was a lesson learned. I laugh at that because I know he hasn’t learned a lesson, he never will. He won’t change. Part of me would enjoy teaching him a lesson , he won’t ever forget, but the other part of me is like, knock off the crazy talk and calm your a÷× down! Yeah, yeah, alright, alright….ruin all my fun….I’m working through my anger, it’s a process. Music helps calm me, makes me feel better, lightens my anger, releases my frustration….sometimes it’ll work me up and I feel like a raging bull and sometimes music can make me so sad and miserable that I’ll cry. Music is such a powerful influencer for me.
“I didn’t play you, I put you in perspective.”
He’s a very long way up his own arse isn’t he? Needs a torch and mining crew to find his way out. 😁
TS6157,
A mining crew? 😆🤣 He needs scuba gear! His head is so far up his own ass, it’s sunk deeper than the Titanic. He told me once, and you’re going to love this one…He said,.You should realize you’ve been dating a married man…..Dating? I thought..Really? You dumbshit! I’m married too! I wasn’t by myself! What a fkg moron! There goes my anger again!
TS6157,
I know where I want to put the mp3 player now…..if only…
Rebecca,
Oh I bet you do!
It makes me smile when some ‘experts’ say that narcs have low self esteem. Total garbage. Any narc I’ve encountered has absolutely no issue with self esteem. They might portray that on occasion but then show themselves up later with behaviour, comments like those of your narc and general demeanour.
My MMRB played the ‘I’m not worthy’ card a lot. My ET blinded me and ensured I bought in to it at the time. Older and wiser now (and with low ET) haha!
Low self esteem serves no purpose for them, an ‘excellent conceit’ of themselves does.
Xx
TS6157,
The song the LMRSOMATIC picked for our song was one I hadn’t heard before,by a band I wasn’t familiar with. I like the instrumental part, but the lyrics were odd at first. The song did grow on me and when I would hear it, it was like he was in the room with me. The song feels like him, I swear I feel his presence, it’s the oddest thing to experience and if you haven’t felt it before, it can’t be understood. His essence is the song, the music, the lyrics, he’s just a part of it all…it’s like he breathes through the song. I won’t listen to it, thankfully it’s not one heard often on the radio. I wonder if he’s picked that very song before, for others….I’m sure he has, he’s not that original or much of a big , deep thinker. Pity
You mentioned earlier, about wondering if Contagion has a part to play in music sensitivity. I’m not sure if it does, but I do have Contagion as part of my Empath Detector results. I know music played a big part in the LMRSOMATIC ‘s seduction of me. It helped to get me to fall for him, such is the power of music for me. In the end, it didn’t really pay off for him, he didn’t get much for all his efforts. The softball game woukd have never gotten to first base. Maybe if he had picked another song? 🤔 Nahhh
Hey Rebecca,
Well, funny you should say that, I experienced a similar thing. Firstly the MMRB used a playlist to excellent effect. He seduced and devalued via the joint playlist. ( primarily an online ensnarement) We held conversations through the playlist too as bizarre as it sounds. I’d add a song, he would gauge my mood and respond, back and forth we would go. He hoovered via the playlist after an absence of a few months. So rather than message me, he added a song that he knew would gain a response.
We didn’t have an ‘our song’ or a specific this reminds me of you. The relationship was never really categorised, I never really knew what it was. Pre HG, during a shelving, silent treatment, disengagement, who knows what it was, I was alone, listening to the playlist one night. Spotify suggested a song, played it automatically and within a few bars I was locked on and I swear I smelt him in the room. I smelt him first, then I felt him in the room and if asked I could even have pointed to where he was within the room. I didn’t see or hear him, but I felt him. I had never heard the song before, no idea why Spotify suggested it as it doesn’t match my playlist choices as far as I can tell, but each time I listen to it, if I don’t sense him in the room, I get the feel of him again, clear as day.
So yes, I can’t explain it either, but, music sensitivity is a powerful thing. I’ve also smelt my grandma in the room or in the car. Strangely, not during stressful times or anything, usually if tasking or empty minded as I call it. I smell her and smile instantly, usually say something along the lines of “Hi grandma, miss you.” and just carry on. I’m sensitive to all kinds of things that most would likely see as weird haha!
https://youtu.be/JR2l4gRhTDw
That’s the song that brings forth the narc. Maybe it’s the lyrics maybe it’s the beat, not sure.
Xx
TS6157,
I’ve never heard your narc song before,but it’s sad and brings forth my urge to heal the person sending it. Oh, your narc is a mid ranger too. The LMRSOMATIC’s song was like that too, where it was sad and gave me a sense of , please heal me, I’m hurting lyrics. 💔 The mid rangers love playing the hurt card, pity plays….so captivating for us who have the urge to heal. The song from LMRSOMATIC was, NIGHT TOUCHES YOU by Bloodbound. I won’t listen to it, I refuse to.
I’m sensitive to music, smell, textures, touch, and feelings/vibes from others. I’m HSP in general and I’ve experienced smelling my dad’s aftershave, after a few years after he had passed. I spoken about it to my therapist, I was going to last year. He said, it was just sensory recall, brought on by memories. I told him, when I smelled his aftershave I was in my house and not even thinking of him, so that makes no sense. He refused to think it was anything else, but sensory memory. Whatever it was, I experience it.
Hi Rebecca,
I listened to your narc’s song. Yes, very much so, the MidRangers love to play the lost soul card. If you had asked me at the time to describe my narc in one word, I would probably have said ‘haunted’.
Perfect for me, it suggests a certain depth to keep me interested and it plays to both my Truthseeker element and my desire to heal and fix. My heal and fix is weaker than Truthseeker, so I’ll try to heal for a while, but there does come a point with me where I’ll see repetition and get frustrated that there is no attempt to ‘save yourself’. I’m patient, but only to a point, then I can reject what I see as ‘intentional helplessness’.
ET has so much to do with our response to them, I’m far nicer with higher ET haha! For me though, a lot of it is timing, when they catch us. Timing is everything.
Xx
Hi TS6157,
I would have called LMRSOMATIC ‘tragically hurting” He played that, help me I hurt, card well. I fell for it, hook, line and sinker. He convinced me he was the tragically abused husband of a psychopathic woman. It’s so lame, looking back now, he’s lame too. DISAPPOINTMENT in big lights. My respect for him is gone, my trust, the little of what I had for him, is gone…there’s no getting that back…bye asshole…and my tender feelings? I buried them and held them down, until I can’t even hear them breathe. They’re just about dead, if they try to come up, I shove them down again and kick them for good measure. I don’t want to have any tender feelings for that asshole ever again. The song, ABCDE FU…says it perfectly 🥰💞 such a nice feeling…I can’t believe I had so much hurt because of him….Him, who looks like an 80s band reject….looks like Slash from Guns and Roses, only not even that good. I’m sorry, roasting is for HG to do, I’ll leave that to the expert. Xx ❤❤
Haha Rebecca!
It is funny when you look back isn’t it? I don’t think we invent them as attractive at the time, more, we gloss over flaws which makes them appear more attractive! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and our ET focusses on the idyllic not the reality.
Those sad feelings aren’t to do with your narc I don’t think. They are to do with what your narc represented to you at that time. The idea of something. That idea came from you, not him. So the sadness is real when it comes, but it is misplaced. It will fade in time as you further dismantle the illusion.
Remember your current situation feeds your ET too, across the board, so it will also likely colour your feelings about old narcs. The reminiscing part. Be aware of it then you can point to it and dismiss it.
Slash eh? Haha!
Xx
TS6157,
It’s funny that you say ,we don’t invent them attractive because I was thinking about that just the other day. How LMRSOMATIC wasn’t as attractive, looking back now, as he once was to me. Part of it, I think, has to do with the rose tinted glass I was looking through is gone, in its place are my awakened eyes. To be honest, it was his personality that I was so wrapped up in,, not really focused on his appearance, as much as his personality, which ended up being as fake as some Hollywood celebrities. I think I miss our conversations the most and the friendship I thought we were based on. Time, it’ll take time.
October 2020, I had not seen either Lesser, nor MRN since I joined this blog. Bloody hell, Lesser approaches me couple weeks later.
Not seen either of them since then.
But there may be one narcissist in a while, this will be interesting. It is unavoidable. I’ll be good (smirk).