Love Thy Neighbour

I noticed the wife of my neighbour was outside doing some gardening. I had seen him leave earlier so my opportunity had arisen. I slipped out of the rear of my house and clambered over the fence and then ran around the block to arrive back at the front of the house to give the impression I had been out for a decent run. This meant I had to run across the front of her garden. There she was tending to one of the flower beds, knelt down, her bottom and calves defined through the material of her trousers. I halted in front of her and pretended to breathe hard. She immediately looked up and smiled before greeting me. She was attractive, more so now that I could see her close up.

Now, the key things to do in this initial meeting are to pay her a few compliments and gauge her reaction. The greater purpose however is the acquisition of intelligence. I began with praising her horticultural skills, then remarking how her keen gardening ability had not diminished how elegant her fingers were. She smiled and thanked me for both compliments. Note to self ; susceptible to compliments. I also asked if she ran and if not, how did she maintain such a terrific figure. She explained she had a gym membership and told me which one. I explained that I had one there too (I haven’t but by this afternoon I will have) and I managed to bluff from enough knowledge about the gym (garnered from others I know go there) to make it seem like I occasionally attended. I did add that I would probably go there more now that I knew she attended. This gained a coy smile. I was reeling her in. With sufficient compliments deployed I then listened intently as I asked repeated open questions to gather as much information as I could. Accordingly, I now know that she enjoys baking, her favourite food is Mexican, she enjoys swimming. She volunteers twice a week at a local school, reading to children who have learning difficulties. She doesn’t like live music but loves 80s pop and 90s dance music. She does not work, but used to, as a pa to an insurance executive. Her favourites book is Wuthering Heights and she has several favourites films including American Beauty, Pretty Woman, Scent of a Woman and Lord of the Rings. She used to play Dungeons and Dragons as a teenager.

She opened up like a freshly cut wound and the information poured from her. I have logged everything in my notebook, committing to paper all the information I gleaned. What is amazing is that I like all the things that she likes. It is fantastic. I will now be using this information to get far closer to her and then I will be able to ascertain the other side of her personality ; her fears and weaknesses. This will be similarly added to my armoury. First of all for me to exhibit sympathy and understanding and then to utilise as a weapon. It’s great being neighbourly isn’t it?