I am a product of those that I purposefully draw into my fabricated world. It is through those that are caught in my web that I find some semblance of identity. At this current moment in time, I know of several people who I take from to give me a sense of being. If I did not do this I would feel empty, vapid and lost.
In a session with Dr E he asked me to describe who I am. For a moment I was seized with panic as I scrambled to try and answer him. It only lasted a moment but it was very unpleasant. I felt like I was falling from a bridge ,plunging towards the abyss as my stomach churned. Thankfully my swift mind came to my rescue. I realised that I had slipped into Dr E’s trap of striving to give him a truthful answer. Somehow he has begun to cause me to always consider the truth when I am asked a question by him. I am not sure how this has happened. Has he been putting some kind of serum in my drink? Is that possible or just something from spy films? I will have to remember to investigate that. If he is, is that ethical? Well, whatever it is he is doing, he is not ahead of me. Not at all. My initial panic at trying to give a truthful answer vanished as my metaphoric parachute opened and I smiled inwardly as I floated to safety. You are not catching me out Dr E.
Instead I explained who I am. This was easy. I am the beautiful, considerate lover (that is supplied by the beautiful, considerate Kim who is the current beneficiary of my affections). I am the keen-eyed marksman (supplied by that brilliant marksman Steven, one of my closest friends). I am the successful businessman and dynamic motivator of people (the former from my boss Julia and the latter from a member of my team Eric). I am the engaging polymath who lights up dinner parties (that is provided by the cerebral monster that is Paul) and I am the loyal, understanding friend (courtesy of Tania). I was rapidly able to assemble all those parts which I have relied on to create my own self and convey that to Dr E. He said nothing as I listed these attributes, his pen moving smoothly across the page in his black and red notebook.
I did not admit this to Dr E but I rely on these people to create the essence of me. That is the easiest way for me to exist and survive. Are we not all a product of those we associate with? I think so. I need these people who I render to the status of props to provide my sense of self. I do not regard them as separate tome, but rather part of me, that is why they were drawn to me in the first place. They saw in me the traits they possess and they wanted to meld those two similarities together to create something more powerful and potent. They prop up my self.
I sat back in the comfortable chair in Dr E’s study and gave a nod of contentment. I had given him the answer and he could go and add it to his growing portfolio of information about me, I wonder what conclusion he might draw from my answers? I am proud of my ability to attract and utilise similarly brilliant people. After all, which actor has never used a prop in his or her performance?