Escape : How to Beat the Narcissist


The inside track from the dark-hearted master

Includes techniques to counter the narcissist where No Contact is not an option

US   E-Book Here

UK   E-Book Here

AUS   E-Book Here

CAN   E-Book Here


Also available in paperback


201 thoughts on “Escape : How to Beat the Narcissist”

  1. I moved in with him before I knew. There are things worse than someone hitting you, or as bad as anyways. I am trying to leave and we are now in separate bedrooms. Somehow this is all my fault, I disrespected HIM. Ha! I feel almost broken, but somehow, I must survive. He charges me so much, that saving is near impossible. He has said many times that I am his drug and I belong to him. I know what addiction is. What can I expect next? I am scared and worried.

  2. Does the book Escape deal with just the partner leaving or does it actually help in a legal sense? I have been doing this for a few years and he is almost like you – he is a narcissistic sociopath and has a nice little facade built up, destroying the children while looking like a charmer.

      1. LAW. I’ve been married to it for 24 years. I am almost dead.
        How about a spouse for a narcissist and a COP.
        Do you have any idea what he has done to me?
        I have been abandoned by EVERYONE because he is the “law” and his “truth” prevails.
        God help me.

      2. HG Tudor, what’s the difference between the books for those of us not located in any of the 4 regions:US/UK/AUS/CAN.

        I am just trying to figure out which of the 4 options to order without problems…

      3. Hello NP, all of my books can be ordered through any Amazon “jurisdiction” so this means the US, UK, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, Spain, France, Italy, the Netherlands, Germany, Japan, India and Australia. The majority of readers live in US,UK,Can, Aus and therefore that is why I place those links there.

  3. I can handle and outmaneuver the manipulations from him. I need the drug that numbs the heart/mind trauma bond & to outmaneuver myself. I think the answer is on a beach somewhere, disguised as a little umbrella drink, with no cell phone, laptop or social media connections for about a month. Or maybe in the mountains, same lack of internet access. Something, ANYTHING, to make me stop thinking about him. Divorce is final in 55 days & counting!!!! (No kids together, thankfully)

      1. Do you genuinely love anyone in your life? Is there anything in your life that made you the way you are? Do you ever get curious or jealous of people with “real emotions” ? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be in love?

      2. 1. No.
        2. Yes.
        3. I have real emotions too, just not as many as other people.
        4. I have wondered, yes.

    1. I just came across this, I’m now dealing with this situation, help, the trauma in my head & heart, always on my mind, I seriously need someone’s help… tried to order book & can’t?

      1. Just FYI, the links to the 50 Black Flags Book on the site don’t hyperlink to Amazon. I was able to find it via your Author’s page and purchased the ebook.

  4. Dear HG,

    What a revelation and education this has been for me. I started listening to your audios on YouTube two days ago and ever since, they have been haunting me.
    Having a psychology background myself, I am aware of the core traits of a narc and to be honest, it scared me as I could relate and identify those traits within myself. I have always considered myself to be empathic and was not cognisant of the various levels associated within the empathic spectrum. This is truly an enlightening experience

  5. Why did you decide to write this book? If you are a narc then I am curious why you would be concerned about helping others. If the book is only written to feed your narc self then how could it be written in a way that would assist others?

    im curious and perplexed

    1. I wrote it because I find the inaccuracies written about us irritating – there is a lot of incorrect information out there. Further, it appeals to my sense of omnipotence and my sense of humour to weaponise empaths to go into battle versus my kind. Who better than a wrong doer to tell you that you have been doing wrong?

  6. Do you have an article on the IPSS and his/her escape/post-escape and the hoover process that follows? What happens when the IPSS escapes? What kind of hoover happens? The narc does not have a girlfriend yet but does have many female friends (virtual and I guess in real life, too). He kept in touch with me a lot during his break up and he moved a lot and kept contacting me through that. Was I a primary source in this case then? Or an IPSS? There was flirting back and forth and it felt like he was assessing my past experiences, opinions, and such when it came to conversations of relationship subjects. But there was a lot of hot and cold behavior and I finally had enough and escaped and he said that he hopes that we can be friends but said that we were always friends.

  7. I have encountered a mid range narc. This is the second time he left, when he feels like the relationship is getting too stressful for him after repeated arguments.
    He will not answer texts or calls.
    I don’t know if he will return it’s been a month. It’s crazy because we live close and will likely have to see each other at some point and time and I will probably not speak.
    Last time he returned 3 months later. I can not believe he did this again. I know I was his primary source, I just do not understand.

    1. The not knowing whether he will return is part of the purpose to keep you bewildered, stuck, under control and providing fuel. You are either being disengaged from and then he ping pong backs to you or you remain in devaluation and these are lengthy absent silent treatments. If you want to understand what is happening, I can assist you with that through the provision of further information via a consultation.

      1. I cannot make this stick to the right post so I will shove it here. How do you know you do not love HG? How do you know it’s mimicry. I ask because your self assured no love, never loved stance makes me wonder. How do we know what feelings are real?

      2. Because what I experience is completely different to the way others describe love.
        I know it is mimicry because that is what I do.

    2. Omg you seem to have a similar one to me, he left me 8 times and each time begged to come back after 2 months, I am rid of him now as I started to confront him and he didn’t like that I’d sussed him out, took 5 years though! He now lives up the road from me, I would never give him the time of day again, xx

  8. I have just left my husband who is a narc. We were together 5 yr and only got married in February. I was fed up of being accused of things that wasn’t true and then found out it was him doing most of them and constantly lying to me. After confronting him about his lies he wouldn’t speak to me and went into separate room for 2 weeks. Enough is enough so I left. I am now in womens refuge as he hid all the money so was unable to start again. He still contacts me with mixed msgs most still blaming me and accusing me. It’s so hard how do I stop this and manage to move on ?

    1. Enough is enough so I left. I am now in womens refuge as he hid all the money so was unable to start again

      ^ Bravo, excellent start. brave and painful. so is not escaping. this pain ends. do consult and continue to read. my path is similar. stay the course. strength in numbers. #metoo

  9. Hello again.
    It is wierd to me asking questions or conculting you on something about our relationship and telling our stories you.
    I had been in a narcissistic relation for 1 year. He used to be living in my house ( we were living together). 5 days ago i told him to seperate all of a sudden. He left the house with anger. After 4 hours later he called me. I didnt answer. He got more angry. Then i picked up the phone. He was crying and asking me if i ever loved him or not. The other day, we texted eachother. He was teasing and blaming on me on the messeges.
    Anyway, then he stop calling and texting me. At the beggining i was going ok with “no contact” rule. Later on i couldnt resist his silent mode. I broke no contact rule.
    In his messeges he leaves the door half open, besides telling me how much i broke his pride and heart.
    When he is in silent mode, i feel like i miss him and going back to him. Actually i want to go back to him because i didnt feel that much unhappy. If i am back to him, do you think he forgives all these happenings and come to me.
    Or should i just wait him to call me ( well, do you think he will call me although he is very silent)? What do you think?

    1. I want to give you a detail which may be important.
      At the end of september (2017), i told him i wanted to be alone for a while. He hoovered me with being very nice. In the middle of october, i told him that he needed to move his own house because of my father’s visitation. He did and came back. He was irritated ofcourse, because he felt very bad due to the situation. He started to behave me like a shit. We were just fighting all day long. I couldnt bare and i told him to leave the house. When i said this to him, he attacked me and threatened me. Then, we were ok. 5 days ago, i told him to break up.
      Now, i want him to call me because i am very unhappy without him. His ego and pride were very broken as he said on his messages. At the same time, he leaves the door half open to continuou the relation.
      What do you advice ?

      1. GOSO – if you want to resolve this matter then I recommend you organise a consultation with me.

  10. Dear God everyone, if you are with a narc, leave…..don’t walk…..RUN!

    Stop trying to figure out the ‘whys,’ just get OUT. The only thing that will change is YOU. You will end up with PTSD, depressed and drugged-up with so many pills you can’t form a sentence.

    Don’t look back, not even a peek. These people will eat your heart for breakfast, your liver for lunch and your brain for dinner. AND, then look around for dessert as you lay there all laid out in a bloody stupor.

    If you are not married to one—just start running. If you are married to one, you better listen to HG, read everything, hear his videos……..this man is telling you the truth, he’s giving it to you straight. This stuff is no joke.

    I had myself well prepared beforehand, I had already slowly siphoned off a considerable amount of money without him noticing (as he counts his pennies like they are gold bars and scans the credit card bills looking for who knows what) and then before he could blink I went down and drained the joint checking account of near about everything (I walked away with a small fortune), I left him enough for it to be a good slap in his face. I also called and cancelled all joint credit cards, no more charging for him and pinning it on me. Changed every single password I had to something so totally random and unrelated to me. I already had a lawyer lined-up and was ready for him.

    As HG says, it’s battle. Get your armor on, these freaks will turn real mean and quick.

  11. Seems all these people are men as a rule but let me ASSURE you all. There are women who are far worse. My entire 7+ year relationship was based on lies and hidden things. Now she’s going to counceling and claiming I’m ABUSIVE! Lies and excuses are all you’ll ever get from these manipulative sad people.

    1. GregK,

      Women can seem far worse. The only narc I know of that actually induced someone to commit suicide was a woman.

      There is also the gender bias that keeps them from being recognized as such. The ratio seems to put men in the majority. It may be that male children are more often treated in the way that causes narcissism to come to fruition. However, it does not lessen the fact that you were victimized by a narcissist, whether male or female.

      I would guess you are here because you searched specific behaviors, so you are fairly certain that you are involved with a narc.

      You may wish to get counseling yourself if you can find a professional that has experience with NPD or treating victims of Narcs. They may specialize in PTSD. Sharing you experiences on this board is also helpful. I’d like to point out that most of us are anonymized. You may also wish to do that in posting here, but it’s obviously not required. I suggest it, because it may help you be freer in sharing.

      You are not the only man here, if it helps you to feel like you have company.

      Personally I would like to hear more of a mans take on a relationship with a narc. But I hope you came here to help yourself. When you read or listen, just picture the narc you know as the narc being discussed.
      It is indeed going to be mind boggling, but read the articles here. This is an education on something you would never think you would or should have to learn.

      Are you No Contact now?

      The first important tools to pick up here and use are Get Out Stay Out, and No Contact.

      If you are married, have children, or otherwise obligated to have some contact with your N, this will be harder.

      If not, start immediately. All the information is here and searchable.

      Talk to ya later,

    2. GregK, I concur with you. I have been around all my life – from family members, to frenemies, to toxic workmates to intimate partners, and I can assure you…looking back, the ones who damaged me the most…are the females.

      Not that the male Narc damaged me less, but the ‘quality of damage’ from the females, both frenemies and family members was just out of this world….and yes, I almost committed suicide because of it.

  12. How do i get my 16yr old daughter away from from my ex-brother in law who she thinks the world of and he a gas lighting narcissist who is turning her against her family

  13. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years , the divorce was beyond hell , my lawyers actually told me he was trying to get me so slow mentally that I would kill myself so he could have the kids an me out of there lives. Who does that ? Both my daughters moved out but my son 22 is still living with him an is at times suicidal because he can’t handle my X . How do I encourage him to get out? My X has told him if he leaves or especially we’re to move in with me ( his mom) don’t ever come back . Need some advice on getting him out of this. Sincerely beach girl


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