I Want You One More Time

Image result for Man Pleading on knees



“I want you one more time.

This time I promise it will be the last time. I know that what I have done is wrong.

I was a fool and thought that I knew better. You see, I have always been in a hurry to get to wherever it is I am going. Sometimes I am not entirely sure but I do know that it is upwards, towards the top. I guess I just get so focused on that, that I forget about the things which really matter. Yes, I suppose that I took you for granted. It wasn’t always the case though was it? I gave you everything in the beginning because that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to please you and make the happiest person in the world. I did as well didn’t I?

Then I lost my way. I think that perhaps you didn’t help, no, I am not going to do that. I am not going to blame you for my shortcomings. I have done that too many times. I have held you to account for my failings, blaming you for not helping me when I needed you there, castigating you for failing to understand me, ascertain my needs and give me what I needed. I realise that I have behaved selfishly. I tried not to. I did. I know it may not have seemed like that, but I was trying, it just becomes so hard at times, so difficult. But no. I am not going to pin the blame on you. I could. There are many things that I could point to. I might suggest you know how to needle me and that you deliberately set out to rile me. I might insinuate that you think more of your friends and your family than me and that was why I always caused a scene at get-togethers and stopped you seeing your friends as often as I did. I could infer that you lost interest in me even though I kept on doing what I did for us. I might raise the point that you seemed distracted, almost as if I was no longer good enough although we both know that isn’t the case don’t we? No, there are scores, if not hundreds of knives I could throw at you, each trying to wound you with my blame, but now is not the time for such an examination. We do not need to hold a post mortem about the things that have been said and done. I understand it was not your fault. I do.

So why did I do the things that I did? I have given this a lot of thought. When you left me, I was able to reflect on what had happened and admittedly at first I wanted to blame you for hurting me so. You do realise how much you have hurt me don’t you? I could not function without you. I was left weak, distraught and damaged. Your sudden disappearance was like some mortal wound to me, telling me that I wasn’t good enough for us, for you. Sometimes I wish that such things did not matter to me, but then if I thought like that, I would not care about us would I? I do care. I care so much about you and I that I want another chance. I want you again.

I want to show you how wonderful life can be again. We both know what we are capable of and even more so when our worlds collide. We have had some amazing times. I can tell you know that and you frequently remember them. I just want to have that with you again and for us to be done with all of the, well other stuff. I realise now how poisonous it was with the jealousy and the allegations, the accusations and the envy. It somehow infiltrated our relationship and little by little began to colour how we looked at one another. Sometimes I would sit and look at you and ask myself.

“How have we come to be so far apart?”

Little did I realise that even more distance would be put between us. I don’t like that. It scares me if I am honest. The thought of not being with you fills me with dread and I know I do not deserve your forgiveness but that is what I am asking for. Please forgive me because I did not know what I was doing. I was acting in the here and now, driven by the need to forge ahead and when I was taken in that moment I forgot the one person that means so much to me; you. I need to be given the opportunity to repair what you and I have. I know we belong together. We are inextricably linked. I told you that from day one, that it is written in the stars above and I still believe it to be the case. I must have that chance to prove to you that I can be all the things that you want me to be.

I am reconciled to the fact that I have to change. There is no hope for anything else is there? I must make those sacrifices in order to demonstrate to you that I am better than I used to be and I will do it, but I cannot do it alone. I need to be with you and only then will I have the strength to tackle that which needs to be tackled. I cannot do it alone. I have realised that. I need you by my side and I promise you that it will be worth it. It will be just as it used to be but this time only better. I will cherish you, adore you, protect you and love you like nobody else could. I know you better than anybody else. That is why we came together as we did, we are drawn together, two pieces of the whole which belong together. I know it was me that spoiled things and I did so for my own selfish and weak reasons. We do not need to go there again, there is nothing to be gained in rehearsing all of that once more. I know what I did and it was wrong. There, I have said it. Let us draw a line under that. Let us move forward and I will do anything and everything to respect you, support you and give you what you need and deserve. I love you and I always have. I love you and I always will. Please, allow me to prove to you that I am the man you believe me to be. I want you one more time, but this time it is the last time.”

An excellent rendition even if I say so myself with appropriate emphasis when required to drive home the message. I am impressed I remembered it so readily actually. Let’s hope she can’t remember it from last time.

67 thoughts on “I Want You One More Time

  1. Maddie says:

    You are truly the Master. ..Thank You for enlightening me… Thank You that I could read it before it’s been said 😉

  2. Beautiful Disgrace says:

    After our last court date, after things went poorly for my N (he now has agency supervised visitation of our children due to a positive toxicology report for cocaine,) he posted my picture on Facebook with the words, “If anyone sees this woman, please save her.” I was just looking for your insight into what he could possibly mean by that. Thanks in advance. 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      He is smearing you and elevating himself. There is something wrong with you, hence you need saving. He has identified this and because he is such a decent fellow he is telling the world that you need help and will someone please help you. He doesn’t want anybody to help you, he wants them to judge you.

      1. Beautiful Disgrace says:

        I figured the basis of this was projection topped with blame shifting. 😉

  3. Miss_stress says:

    I completely understand what you are saying Lisa, he no doubt has done what Cn did to me. In read length of silent treatment to probe pint and his ego is wounded that you blocked him, as I. How dare you. Surmounts to the he has to be one to have last word, end it etc…he dint get the chance. Is there no way he can contact you, ie, In person, phone, text, email, fb, IM, whatapp, snail mail, etc…. Have you blocked all avenues of communication with him.
    He will be back, the longest silent treatment he gave me was 3.5 months, he returned apologetic, missing me, citing a driving offence and court case and work overload as reasoning. Which we all know is Bs, he went off radar to me to engage other fuel lines. It was right after I questioned him if he was narcissistic sociopath…which he denied. Citing he couldn’t be he had empathy???? Hmm, cold empathy.
    I wants him back because I loved him, I am not ashamed to admit such. I was willing to accept and adjust our relationship when I became aware of what he was , months ago. Because I loved him. Fact is, as HG states, they don’t want our love, despite our love being tantamount to their fuel. He wanted me to be unaware, either because he was unaware what he was, or he was afraid I would explode hi for what he is. Who knows.
    I certainly do not judge you Lisa and I think it is brave to admit such. I was ashamed I felt that way. But fact is, I did. Because I loved him and my love for another is not contingent on what they feel or do not feel for me.
    Yes, Lisa, for me too, it was when I knew of the other women, appliances, fuel supply, ego boosts…confronted him and simply asked for the truth, yet he still claimed it was only me, I was irreplaceable. To continue to tell me he loved me and only me, In the face of fact. It was the lies, when he didn’t need to lie. Fact for me, the truth does not hurt me, lies do. I couldn’t do it anymore, so I did as you did and blocked him. His ride, ego is wounded and he is licking his wounds with previously sued appliances and new ones, no doubt. I did find one new one who boasted all over social media of her love for him.
    I think as long as you are being honest with yourself in what you feel. What you do, then try to rationalize it and adjust yourself to heal from it. It is ultimately your life and decisions to make,

  4. Lisa says:

    HG, if they always blame themselves and not you , does that mean they are BPD not NPD. Mine always blames himself and has never done a nasty discard , some devaluation and with drawal then I end it and then he says it’s all his fault but can’t commit . It is then over . Is this BPD

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not necessarily. If we blame ourselves it is false contrition designed to hoover you and provide fuel from a sympathetic reaction. Many discards are just silence and do not have anything else unpleasant about them (of course disappearing without saying anything is unpleasant in itself of course).

      1. Miss_stress says:

        I replied to Lisa…on My experience too, your reply is similar to my take. I never felt he truly felt any blame , it seemed so contrived for someone when raging to only blame me then at those times and only in written word, to assume all blame for himself. Carefully constructed manipulations. And yes, other nasty things stated when in a fury, devaluation consisted of silent treatments….extended in length each time, to intensify effect. He presented as so shy, sensitive and sweet, he said I was only one that drew out his other side….maybe he hated that too. According to him I made him lose it and show what he really was. He claimed he wasn’t like that with others, I guess he could maintain his fake persona easier with those who never doubted or questioned what or who he truly was. Mind you sexually. His true persona was highly evident. That couldn’t be masked at all, mind you he tried.

    2. Miss_stress says:

      Yes, Lisa, D used this blame strategy and he was NOT BPD , just highly manipulative. He did this to initiate hoovers after silences or even pre silences, pre to show false remorse for his behaviour, ie being caught out in one of his lies and post silent treatment to ascertain whether I was amenable to accepting him back again after he intentionally ignored me for weeks and months with no words whatsoever. Recall. I thought silences were regulated to mental health issues up until Jan 2016 and why I was accepting of his ” alone ” time….he was being social during such times, just not with me. I was being devalued for being In the know, aka punished with a meted out silence by him. He realized as HG states they are easiest and most effective route, to cause me distress and less work for him. Shut off all communication sources and carry on with whatever women he chose unbeknownst to me, then when he felt I was punished enough. After he refuelled On them, he would return to me remorseful and and citing saddness at being unable to contact me during such a ” low” time for him. All to play on my sense of guilt and blame.

      1. Lisa says:

        Miss_Stress thank you for your reply . I just wish I had known what he was when I was with the idiot . The fact that it is actually always me that breaks up with him , which is then swiftly followed by texts from him breaking up with me (he has to have the last say ) something else I’ve now realised . With his ridiculous apologies of how it’s not his fault and how sorry he is but he’s terrified of relationships and needs alone time. Now I know what he is I actually want him to come back , just one last time . But I am losing hope that he will. This time I have blocked him and it’s been 11 weeks . I now thing he actually always sends these ridiculous heartbreaking texts blaming himself because he kind of wants to leave the door open . He has never really been nasty to me , not in any real way during the break up . Call me mad but I really want him to come back but by blocking him I may have made it impossible now. And it’s never been this long before , plus I’ve very often caved and contacted him ? If only I had known all of this . I think it’s all the cheating that sickens me so much , I just never knew

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Lisa of course he wants to leave the door open. Much of what we do during seduction and devaluation is geared towards achieving that.

  5. Aleya says:

    I am beyond triggered. I just received a letter containing every word you wrote. He is in prison. But knows I no longer want to deal with him. He selpt with 20 or more prostitute’s in the beginning of my pregnancy while he knew he was going to prison and left me and my newborn baby to suffer. I found out once he left I hate him.

  6. Alice says:

    @HG: You have a good memory:-)

    – Can a husband of 15 years be considered a lover?

    – Can a narc who is unable to love be considered a lover?


    N and I had a *liaison*, not an affair. I am 50% Frenchie, remember? A liaison is an art.

    Think ‘Liaisons Dangereures’ by Cholderos de Laclos;-)

    Moreover, French women are different from the British ladies guess, more… sophisticated, independent and playful when it comes to, err, L*O*V*E ? 😊

    N was German so of course he failed the Art of Liaison;-)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course, a liaison, I ought to have known. I don’t think I need to respond to your comment about British ladies as I am sure Alexis will be along to pitch in before I need to!

      1. Alice says:

        Well, I think she’s smarter than that – and can detect both humor and attempts at triangulation! 😉

  7. Lisa says:

    HG can you answer 2 questions ?
    How can you tell the difference between a NPD and BPD ? And second question why would one of the above block someone who’s been discarded , block them from messaging or any form of contact isn’t it the other way round normally ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lisa, I have some understanding of BPD but nowhere near to what I know about NPD. I think it would be best articulated by stating that I can ascertain whether certain behaviour is NPD. I may suspect certain behaviour to be BPD but I would not be able to state that with the same certainty. There are similarities in the behaviours, sometimes the two conditions exist within the same individual and there are of course differences. With regard to your second question, why would one of which of the above block someone? Do you mean NPD, BPD or both categories?

      1. Lisa says:

        Hello HG , my friend has been discarded by her N boyfriend and he has blocked her from everything . So she wanted me to ask you that question .
        I on the other hand blocked my N or he might be BPD I don’t know, it’s been nearly 3 months of no contact . I wish I had never blocked him now . What do N’s think about being blocked ? I guess they don’t really care as if they wanted to contact there are always ways ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If you block us we regard it as a criticism. If this happens when we are fixated with a new primary source, their positive fuel heals the wound and you are unlikely to hear from us at that moment. If however there is a reduction in fuel, we will turn to supplementary sources or we will then look to hoover you through a different method to gain fuel (plus punish you if that is a relevant consideration depending on the type of N that we are). Why do you wish that you had never blocked him?

          1. Lisa says:

            HG, the reason I wish I’d never blocked him is that he’s never tried to contact anyway . Also he’s never really been blocked as such , he lives in the same town as me and he could come to my house. Or call me , I only blocked him on a couple of messaging apps , as directly after the break up , he kept changing his profile pics to pictures that were significant to us . I at the time thought I was reading to much into these pictures and it was upsetting for me, so I blocked them . But now since so much time has passed and he’s never been in touch and I’ve learned so much and am in a completely different place emotionally . I now want to unblock all of these things as if he does ever check , I don’t want him to think he’s important enough to be blocked and if he were to come back I could deal with him so much better . So I’d like to unblock everything now and just not care what he sees or doesn’t see. But will he see this as me unblocking him in hope that he contacts me ? Or will he just think , it’s been 3 months , she’s feels no need to continue blocking ? I would actually like to annoy him by unblocking everything as I can handle him now if he ever comes back ?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Your rationale is entirely understandable and if you feel that your defences are such that were he to hoover you could resist then unblock him. He will regard that as an invitation to hoover once he realises that he has been unblocked (it may be a while before he does do so though if you are remaining out of the spheres of influence) since in his mind he will not regard it form your point of view (there’s no need to continue the blocking) but from his perspective (I knew she would reach out eventually, she cannot help herself). If you are ready for him, then unblock.

  8. nikitalondon says:

    Yes I remember Alice saying she went back to her husband after one year of separation

    1. Alice says:

      That’s correctly Nikita. But we were not separated officially. We lived together in the same house with our kids, on friendly terms. But we had sepetate bedrooms and there was nothing physical between us during that time, since I was dating the N – who lived 250 km away, in another country, and my husband dated a lady.

      It was a mutual arrangement because our marriage he reached a dead end after 15 years. We had tried counceling before but it had not worked out. However, we still lovef and respected each other. But something (the physical intimacy) had been lost. Also, everday life with two kids isn’t always exciting. So I guess that were the reasons why we took a break from couple life. We never covered that up however. Our close friends and family knew, and so did our kids.

      When the N came into my life, I was vulnerable to the show he put on during the seduction. This was my week spot and he figured that out pretty quickly. This is why I fell for him.

      I was very much infatuated with the illusion of him and me being soul-mates. I did sense that the dynamics of that liaison weren’t healthy but at that time, I was in total denial and in an addictive state of consciousness. I think that it must have been very sad and hurtful for my husband to see me spiral downwards for another man in that way. But he never blamed me for acting out in that way.

      After I finally ended the affair with the N, I realized how delusional and stupid I had been believing that I could rebuild a Happy After with the N. That was just an illusion and never going to happen. The N had conned me into believing that ‘time was on my side.’ But that was just meant to have me stick around, spend time with him… when I wanted to make clear decisions both regarding my marriage and our relationship, because I couldn’t live in ‘two worlds’ any longer, he started the devaluation.

      He had a long list of long-distance relationships with women and especially married ones. It was and still is his hunting pattern. Back then, I believed I would be the exception to the rule That was very naive.

      Thank Godesberg my husband and I never totally broken it off and have been able to rebuild trust and a much better intimacy than ever before!! We have talked a lot and try to give each other the things that we both seemed outside of the relationship. Today, our relationship is much more alive than 5 or 10 years ago:-)(

      So I am very happy that the N Episode has helped me evolve in that way and get rid of my ‘Bovarism’. 😊

      1. nikitalondon says:

        I am glad for you Alice that you recovered your marriage

      2. Alice says:

        Oh the typos my phone produced… Apologies, I should have proof-read!

  9. Oh mine wants me one more time. He wants that so bad right now.

    He knew I was home alone last night (I made sure he knew) and he tried so hard to get me to meet him or allow him round (he’s never been to my house).

    He sort of invited himself and I told him I’d already bolted the door and not to bother (is that a bit nasty?) But in a more friendly joky way so as not to give in but also keep my facade up.

    He then tried to come at it from a ‘friend’ angle. the whole exchange was just so damn funny.

  10. Alice says:

    HG, as of now I am pretty sure that your educational/professional background is Psychology or Psychiatry.

    The ‘business man’ story is just a coverage.

    On this backdrop, it all makes sense!


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Way off the mark.

      1. Alice says:

        Mhmm, I do not believe you until you present FACTS that prove us otherwise – though I am well-aware that facts and narcs do not pair well:-)

        I will listen to your radio show today when driving to France, where I will pick up my kids at my parents’ 13th centrury mansion. Looking very much forward to it!

        Meanwhile, here comes another little challenge for you: Could you please provide us with your free associations (= thoughts, words, free flow of conscience as written in ‘automatic writing’) on the following three words:



        Let’s say a minimum of 100 words per notion.

        These three are just for a starter. Other followers could offer you more, if you would like. We (readers) could also add our own free associations on those words in the comments. This would be an exciting way to explore each other, wouldn’t it? 😇

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. Whether you believe me or not is irrelevant. You are wrong.
          2. I cannot prove a negative.
          3. I could provide proof positive of what I do but I am not going to do so as I wish to preserve my identity because of the nature of the work which I undertake and furthermore the association between that and what I am would be detrimental to my ongoing work. I am also not beholden to doing what you want per se and especially not if it threatens my position.

          I’m not going to write 100 words minimum, I will give you a sentence in the manner that you have asked for.

          Chastisement – a useful device for the correction of those who contravene a desired course of conduct.
          Atonement – a 2007 film starring Keira Knightly and James McAvoy. I watched some of it being filmed.
          Release – a 2002 album from the Pet Shop Boys. The song “Sexy Northerner” makes me laugh.

          1. Slick, very amusing HG.

      2. Alice says:

        Can you present any facts to prove otherwise?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Already answered this for you Alice.

    2. Miss_stress says:

      Alice, I wager another profession, but I won’t argue my case, on such. As it is purely conjecture on my part.
      I think HG is an exceptionally intelligent, educated, well read and informed Individual. His knowledge seems to be limitless and extends to virtually all areas. Which would of course include the area of psychology, especially In light of what he is and who we are. Thus, viable means to know himself and to to better understand and manipulate, us.

      I found your game for HG interesting, Alice. May I add a few to the list HG? I am sticking with the P’s , maybe the Q’ s next time. If you don’t mind.




      1. HG Tudor says:

        Persecution – what I do best
        Penance – a port in Cornwall without the z
        Platitude – useful device for false expressions to achieve my aims

        1. Miss_stress says:

          Thank you HG. Cornwall, I have yet to visit there. I am hoping next trip. Any recommendations, if you are familiar with the area?
          CN was quite good with the platitudes.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            What did he say by way of platitude?

          2. Miss_stress says:

            Ha ha….how about I love you for starters….overused and served his purpose only…..
            What is lovely about Tintagel? I will visit upon hour recommendation. Thank you HG.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I shall not prejudice your visit but rather allow you to experience for yourself what it is about Tintagel.

          4. Miss_stress says:

            Is it beyond the Castle, HG? I look forward to visiting there and letting you know.

  11. 1jaded1 says:

    Thanks to you, I will fall for this no more. Did you have your fingers crossed behind your back when you were expressing contrition for your acts?

    Lol at “the things that matter”…and the no blame, blame. Now is not the time to have a post mortem. That will come at the next disengagement.

    You had 8 years between a recontact? Wow. How did that one happen? How did she come into your sphere of influence?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Everything was crossed 1Jaded.
      She popped into my sixth sphere of influence repeatedly in between but she had moved countries and I had no contact information therefore was unable to act on the appearance. She then applied for a job at the business I had moved to in between (which she did not know of course). Naturally I ensured that she was chosen for interview and thus our paths crossed again as she had unwittingly entered a different sphere of influence, one that I was able to act on.

  12. nikitalondon says:

    Its better to move forward. Those old stories never work out one more time 😘

    1. Alice says:

      So true!!!

      “[Alain Delon] Delon? Nothing is colder than a love that has passed away.” ~ Romy Schneider

      I have never reverted to a former lover, EVER! Not even to the N, although he intermittently hoovered for one and a half years.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Didn’t you go back to your husband or does he not count as “a lover” because you were married? Or perhaps you never left him. I seem to recall that your N was an affair, is that correct?

        1. 2mpathetic says:

          Nice proof of files….lol

      2. nikitalondon says:

        Yes a love that passed away is a chilling in the heart. Pain and cold during the letting go process.

  13. luckyotter says:

    Reading this, I’m reminded of Henry Rollins’ “Liar”– Rollins himself is no narcissist from what I understand but that song NAILS what malignant narcissists do.

    1. nikitalondon says:

      Yes LO very malignant

  14. Tammy says:

    Wow! I can not get over how almost word for word I have received this same speech recently. How can he say these things and not mean them or does he mean them? And how can you not fall for this especially when it sounds so sincere.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The end always justifies the means Tammy. Yes, we expect you to fall for it every time.

  15. The convalescent codependent says:

    Very familiar indeed. For 14 years neither of us left physically. I still heard this speech every time I had the “talk” with him. The talk about how I wasn’t happy and I knew he wasn’t happy and I didn’t know how long I could continue living like this….this would be the speech and I would hang on for another round. Then when I stood my ground and refused to feed him his favorite fuel:SEX and stood my ground, for once I wanted my requests to be priority and until we got things on track his sexual fuel was halted he left. It took 2 months for him to do so, just 2 months of no sex after 14 years. He had threatened it every few days he didn’t get sex from me and for 14 years I obliged, and poof he’s gone. And he says…you wanted me to go! What was I to do, you said you didn’t even know if you loved me anymore, I couldn’t live like that. Then for the last 2 years he has said many versions of the same speech you write here, to no success. I have not once allowed him back in my space and he claims to regret it every day, he claims to hope to find the happiness and healing I have and is so happy for me and I am the best friend he has ever had, and he loves me on so many different levels. The hardest part for me at this point is accepting that he may back off for the time being maybe even for years, but even he said himself, he will never give up and never stop trying…..ugh.

  16. Kay says:

    This is almost exactly what he told me, although it was said after he confessed his infidelity. And life was wonderful after that. For about 5 weeks. Then his bad behaviour resurfaced. I snapped and hit him around the head.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Kitty’s got claws then.

      1. Kay says:

        She does, indeed.

  17. Miss_stress says:

    Quite the soliloquy Romeo. I would no doubt , if being Honest, fall for such. There were certain key phrase that would trigger an emotional response in me. Obviously not the obvious blaming which was cited as not blaming. D would write such things to me, only blaming himself. Stating, I am blameless here. I deserve so much better then him.
    The differnce between your letter and his. He would never ask me to take him back. He would tear himself down, showing every possible reason I should move on instead. That he loves me, always will. I am irreplaceable, but he only seeks my happiness and if away from him then so be it.
    See, he didn’t need to ask me back or forgiveness. He knew how I operate. He provided the self deprecation of himself and left me to mend it with my return to show him he is wrong.
    He could never even falsely admit, he wanted me back. Even though I knew he did. He was too proud to admit such, so he worded in such a way that he knew would appeal to my sensibilities.
    Recall the email I posted back in March that he sent me. That was prime example.
    Your admittance of blame and asking for forgiveness and to be loved again. Yes, I would sigh and swoon and smile. I would have that is.

    1. twinkletoes says:

      That sounds borderline, no?

      1. Miss_stress says:

        No just a highly adept liar. He had to present him self as the good guy, even to those who knew he wasn’t. Of course he blame me, it came out as such In his rages, all my fault, none of his. But for some reason. These emails he would send full of contrition. We’re meant to make me feel guilty and think oh no, he assume all the fault and blame, how unfair, I cannot allow that, I must contact him right away and set him straight and show him he is wrong and how much I do love him. He knew how to effect t in my sympathy, mind him That his emails had an opposing effect in me, they screamed abandonment to me and that was also a ploy of his. To play and rotates my abandonment issues, I love you but I will leave you, knowing you do not wish me to leave you, knowing full well he never intended to leave me. But I am going to attack you J on several fronts and ensure you , not I assume blame here. All his blame assuming was acting, fakery, lies. But, he hot in several issues in me that allowed me to be susceptible to these deceptions. He was most clever in his approaches, cerebral N. Also the act of projection, blame shifting, and circular conversations.
        Twinkle toes, and he utilized tactics, especially the ones that as an end result absolve them to be blameless. D would cite his won blame and shame for reasons he did or said Certain things…HG..do you think he ever felt such, or was he using my genuine expression of shame and guilt against me, as I always thought he was?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          He may well have felt his own shame but saw that yours is far greater and exploited it to assuage his own.

          1. Miss_stress says:

            Yes, I feel mine continuously which he was aware. It didn’t take much to trigger shame and guilt responses in me. I appeased any sense of shame or guilt in him fro. His past and present . He inflamed mine.

  18. lcd68 says:


    Perhaps you know my ex- narc? Did you provide this script to him? Not a word was changed. I am triggered by this. Your last paragraph is without question the part that resonates with me. Yes, we do remember the last time you spoke to us and fraudulently acquired the fuel you so needed. Although the wording changes ever so slightly depending on if it is the first time or the 5th. Certainly by the 3rd time I was better equipped to defend my reservoir of fuel. I recognized he needed it and only gave in tiny amounts, making him work for it. I used this time to extricate myself from his grip. I watched him flailing to regain control using the same words you so easily articulated. Do you recognize when the fuel is no longer pure and free flowing? Do your targets always buckle under your charm? Whisper your lies in my ear and I will drink them in and become drunk on the very poison that will kill me. Intoxicating until the next time and the next and the next……no more next time. I need to flip the magnet so I can repelled, not drawn in. I see how some never stand a chance.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Membership of narc club brings with it this script LCD68. You make your points well. Yes, I recognise when there is a shift in the quality and quantity of the fuel from the primary source and yes, the targets melt beneath the charm.

  19. Lisa says:

    HG, what is the most time that you have every broken up and got back together with the same person ? Also do you find they come back to you more or you go back to them more ? Final part of the question lol, what is the longest you have ever been broken up with someone and then got back together ? (Hoovers don’t count) I mean breaking up and then back together ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      10 times.
      Those who are discarded want to come back but at first I prevent them from doing so. The hoover that follows later is successful. It isn’t a case of which is more because in the lifetime of the relationship there is both them wanting to return (but I don’t allow it)and then me hoovering them when they think they have lost me and I re-appear.
      About 8 years but naturally a hoover achieved it.

      1. mlaclarece says:

        How often did that person blip in a sphere of influence in that 8 year period?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          A few times in the sixth sphere.

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