Everything is Not Enough
I remember the day, or more accurately that the floodgates were opened on my promiscuity. It was when I attended a particular university for the purposes of an admission interview. It was early December and this historic and beautiful university city was lit up by orange and yellow lamps as a little mist clung to the narrow alleyways and courtyards. I had concluded my two interviews (read Fury if you want to know more about how they progressed and how one interview impacted on me) and returned to the junior common room to meet up with two other candidates. They were applying to the same college but to read a different subject to me. They were both English literature students. He was from Greenock in Scotland and she was a bookbinder’s daughter from Cambridge in England. Beer was consumed, stories swapped and the fellow from Greenock retired to his room. The bookbinder’s daughter, she was called Sarah, came back to my room and we talked before we climbed into bed together. I had a girlfriend at the time and whilst there had been dalliances with other girls I had not slept with another. That changed that night. And in the morning too. Sarah wandered away across the quadrangle to her room and I rose from my bed to seek out the bathroom. She decided to stay another day at the college because she wanted to spend time with me. I was happy for her to do so as I waited around, as was customary, in case an interview arose at another college. The following day we both departed, she to the east and me to the west and once I alighted at the train station near to my girlfriend’s house I went straight round to see her. She was pleased to see me and embraced me with enthusiasm. I returned the enthusiasm. I had no sense of guilt at my infidelity. Nothing at all. Instead I revelled in the way I had taken Sarah to my bed and now strode into my then girlfriend’s bedroom with her asking with admiration how my interview had progressed and what the college was like.
Following that first time I never looked back. I cheated left, right and centre. With that girlfriend and with all subsequently. Why did I do it? Way back then I realised how good it made me feel but I had no understanding of why I actually did it. Something always drove me to do it. I realised that the relevant girlfriend would be upset if she knew what I had done but this never stopped me. I never gave it a second thought. Even as I was locked in an embrace with some relative stranger and an image of the girlfriend formed in my mind I felt no tug of conscience, remorse or guilt. All I knew was that I was able to seduce, pull, entice and ensnare everywhere I went. I would meet someone and always find something attractive about them – it might be the colour of their hair, the length of their legs, their accent, the way they rolled the letter r, the fact they drank with a straw or the size of their breasts. It might be their enthusiasm for a particular band, their recollections of travelling or the manicured nails. Each and everyone had some kind of attraction. I could not resist trying to ensnare someone in order to bring them under my spell. It was then that I realised what it was that really drew me to them, it was the promise of their attention. I realised I was able to get them hooked on me. I had convinced myself that I was drawn to them for some other reason but it dawned on me that I was just telling myself that as a reason. A reason that I required to explain this compelling desire to couple with someone. But that was not the real reason. The truth was that I wanted their attention on me and this was the way to get it.
Yes it was pleasant engaging in that first kiss and I enjoyed the sensations that arose when the embrace escalated but it was not what I actually I wanted. I wanted them to praise me. I wanted them to become transfixed by me and for them to shine their spotlight firmly on me. The promiscuity has always continued and it does not matter who with it is the fact that I am able to do seduce and by so doing gather that starry-eyed admiration, those pleasing words and the attention. This engagement does not end with behaving in a promiscuous fashion. I will engage in discussions with a stranger of my own sex,at a bar, a railway platform or in a lift. I have no desire to seduce them sexually for that is not my preference but I do cause them to like me and in so doing give me that fuel that I need.
Often I feel like admitting my repeated transgressions straight away to the relevant girlfriend of the time but I have no desire to puncture my primary source of fuel by doing this. I do find it interesting how they always react with such alarm and distress on the odd occasion I do make such a confession. If I tell them how well I got on with a random male in an exchange at a bar, someone with whom I have swapped views, thoughts and opinions, I receive a smile and a comment of,
“Always good to make new friends.”
Yet an admission of coupling with a stranger results in hysteria even though to me these interactions are similar. Yes, one might yield greater fuel than the other but in terms of intimacy they are equally redundant. That is not why I do it. I do not do it because I want to savour the sensation of another’s mouth against me. I do it because I want them to give me fuel. I can understand how you may be aghast if in a normal relationship a partner behaves with infidelity but to our kind it just about the attention, the admiration, the fuel. You have such a great hang up because sex is involved. That is just the gateway device to me. If I could get the attention another way so that it provides such fuel then believe me I will do it. However, in your world, on the whole, the act of a sexual union accords a greater connection between two people which means you yield more fuel and are more inclined to keep providing it as you seek more from the liaison.
Our promiscuity arises to enable us to achieve fuel. From the new target who is seduced by us and from you should we alert you in some way (either in whole or in part) to our new interest. The condemnation that is attached to promiscuity when in a relationship means that your reaction just provides us with even more fuel. There is a risk of your supply being punctured by this revelation but it is a calculated risk and is often done when the quality of your supply generally has started to wane.
To us promiscuity when in a relationship is merely a means to an end. To you, well, you behave as if it is the end of the world. It really isn’t.
206 thoughts on “Everything is Not Enough”
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Indy, no sound but I can tell by his behavior that he is saying it. Thank you for video!
Claudiassssss,
It is not so sweet in this scene when my fantasy, Ralph Fiennes, says it:
Clip of him saying it with the accent…LOL
Do you have a U.K. Accent, Indy?
Nope, no UK accent.
HG, now I think I know why you asked this….I just saw a clip of In Bruges. When he called his wife an “inanimate object”. Got it!
Still, it is a role. Do you think he is? Spill!
No I don’t think he necessarily is but I do not know him. He probably has strong traits though, many performers and actors have.
I knew you would not let me down and you would find the relevant clip. It was inanimate fucking object by the way.
True, thanks Ralph.
Ha ha.
(Smh)? I do not know what this means…
You said f****** with an English accent, again. Thus is the beauty of the British accent…it almost sounded like a sweet song. But, I know the difference.
I am going to have a pizza candy, right now…darkest of chocolates.
Would you feel differently if it were 14 years?
What did she do? I assume it’s because I
1. exposed him for who he really is..
2. punishment for hanging out with lieutenant when Tubby asked me not to then demanded I make a choice (“gay boy or me!!!”)
3. Ate the last slice of pizza without asking
3.
I suspect item three amounts to the most heinous crime of them all.
No no, I’m a lady 😉
Ah, M! Nice and I’m surprised. “I miss the Cold War” lol
I liked her successor, but then again I’ve always had a thing for Ralph Fiennes 😊
Ralph Fiennes is a great actor and a top plane toilet shagger.
Um, I’ll have the flight he’s having 🙂
“top plane toilet shagger.”…I am assuming you are referring to the mile high club, right?
Yes as opposed to actually fornicating with the toilet on a plane.
Really, HG…..I’m so relieved because I thought it was a whole new area of porn I haven’t heard of….smarty pants.
In need of some Fienne azz…..
Hey Indy, I have to clarify at times otherwise the Finger of Deviancy appears!
Too many naughty comments come to mind. I’m uncharacteristicly editing…
Be my guest, I doubt I will be surprised.
Be my guest, I doubt I will be surprised.
This is why I don’t drink anything 12 hrs before I fly.
Lol..
I’ve done that!
Wait, how do you know he is a “top plane toilet shagger”? LMAO…
AND Indy <3 you are too much girl! 😉
Because I am Ralph.
No, because he shagged an air stewardess called Lisa Robertson on an Air Qantas flight, in the toilet of the plane and later at his hotel. She was dumped and lost her job over it. Naughty Voldemort.
You know my ex used to say that there is always a bit of truth in his lies…
* I am not making any comments on Ms. Robertson but what did she expect…
More power to Voldemort…er Ralph… I can’t imagine it was a bad experience but it is also a tight fit… no, no pun intended. 😉
HG, if you are Ralph, I swear…..
So, do you think Ralph one of your kind? Of course he is (smh), I am attracted to that sweet bum. I should have known, with all those naughty roles. What can I say, I like “spice”.
DC! hahaha…”I can’t imagine it was a bad experience but it is also a tight fit… ” the only thing I would change in that sentence is from BUT to AND.
Have you seen him in the film In Bruges?
no, why? extra sexy evil?
No what Indy?
I betcha she had blue eyes
Tudor, HG Tudor, So, which Bond woman is your favorite?
M.
Money Penny ?
Actually Samantha Bond was my favourite Miss Moneypenny. My secretary says I treat her like Moneypenny. I call her Miss Funnyfanny instead to get her worked up.
I meant M as in Bond’s handler.
I like her, tooo, then
I could be your secret-tary, Mister Tudor.
M. as in mmmmmmmmm ?
Indy, lol.
Lilly, what do you mean? Should I have just fucked them? I gave them something, and they gave me something. All relationships are about the give and take, even with a NARC. All relationships.
Could they be with me on Holidays? NO. Could they be with me on Vacations? NO. And right down the line. So they paid for my vacations and my holidays. If I had an issue, my friend, as this is what we were and still are, would say “babe take it off your plate, do not worry it will be handled”. And it was, always.
Call it what you want or think what you like. I am not afraid or ashamed of who I am. Understand this too, I am a business women who at one time had 350 employees under me.
I don’t want anyone’s husband, and I would just borrow them. They can have them back.
No no, Of course not, SA! I would not try to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do based on my own ideals. I was simply stating that I understood some parts of what you said, but not others. And you’ve now expanded on your original point. You seem to be very defensive and working to maintain some sort of aloofness or air about you. Perhaps that comes from being rich, admittedly something else I don’t understand… I apologize if my comment was off-putting, i meant no offense Have a good day and, Best of luck in your business.
Sorry if I cameo defensive. It was a question to you. It was a mutual agreement between two people and love was not involved so to speak. I retired now. No more babysitting. >
Oh my, two of the Barbies in this picture have no feet. TT, I thinks Tubby strikes again!!!!
Britain!
Yes, Tina! Britain!
Mr. HG Tudor, maybe you could do an article about the dynamics between BPD and NPD relationships…it’s just a thought as I know sometimes you ask readers for article suggestions 🙂 You could research BPD, first, if you wish to become better acquainted with it; but please try not to read the “hate” articles about BPD, just the kind articles that speak about all the major sweet things about BPD’s- (they are sweet, and genuine, and just have a lot of intense feelings that can be overwhelming. But, they don’t fake things; the feelings are very real). Anyway, just a thought. Thank you for your possible consideration.
Hello Claudia, I have been asked about this before and have made a note to write about it, but thank you for the suggestion. I know many people regard those who suffer from BPD as pains in the backside, but I don’t, they are delicious tankers of fuel.
Claudia,
That is a great idea for an article and I second that. I have read/seen some about this outside of this forum, though I would definitely appreciate HG’s perspective.
Indy, than k you so much !
Ohh! Someone likes me, then! Non-narc Only love me until they. Cannot handle me anymore.. then they go home crying, or they end up Dying (not my fault !), or thy end up insane..must of been genetics to begin with though. Sorry for spelling..I am not thinking of course
The Victim Narcissist thinks he can handle the BPD, I suppose… I suppose he is wrong.
I wonder why many regard BPD’s as pains in the rear-end? I, myself, think BPD’s make the world spin <3 and spin <3 and spin <3 and ….
I suspect it is because they are demanding, chaotic and engage in a lot of push and pull, but also seem to have an awareness of what they do which people must find frustrating.
Thank you for your reply, Sir HG…much appreciated.
Claudiasssssss
As you have an awareness, HG Sir, but still have your needs…
I would like this, too! It would be a wonderful article. I even wish Mister Tudor would write a whole book dedicated to the BPD/Narcissist Relationship dynamics…BPD/Sociopath Dynamics! This would be a most wonderful reward for us!
I am going to go elsewhere for right now. I might be back later if I can be calm. If I continue, I will keep talking about it and never stop. I have too much to say; all my ideas… my different way of looking at things…I want to share my ideas with you all, but I don’t think this is private. It’s public blog. I don’t want to be rude in public, you see.
Tinaaaaa….
Do you have no concern if you happen to catch an STD ? It is very possible you might become infected with a disease. I’m guessing you don’t have a type or a preference on physical traits such as eye color or hair color and you will have sex with whoever will give it to you . Please if I’m wrong correct to help me further understand .
No that does not concern me. I also get checked out and I am disease free.
I only have a preference for fuel and the traits of the person who I am seducing. if she has red hair, I love red-heads. If her eyes are blue, then blue eyes are the ones I like the best.
Not me; I like deep, dark eyes. And, my hair is brown with red highlights throughout- natural. Since you prefer blue eyes, I am no longer drawn to you. That’s so shallow of you, HG. Yes, blue eyes are lovely, but so are deep, dark, soulful eyes. I’m thru with you! I hate you!!!
:-p
Lol…sorry. It just struck me as funny the way you said this, Starr. So direct and blunt..lol..lol
Claudiassssssss ……. I would hope he would want me to be blunt and honest . I was just trying to figure out if he cares about his own health . It is so easy to catch an STD and a very real potential outcome if he just keeps having sex anyone who will give him fuel . It seems so self destructive .
Just on a point of clarification, I don’t have sex with anyone who will give me fuel, I gain fuel from plenty of people and do not have sex with them.
Ok I understand Mr Tudor. I’m sure you have standards and self respect when it comes to sex . I doubt you would have sex or gain fuel from a 300 pound woman or one who has horrible body odor or no teeth .
Correct. There would still be scope for fuel from those three though.
I love how you do not discriminate <3
I love you so much, HG <3 <3 <3
Thank you.
You’re the BEST!!! Ya.
I know.
You are a classy, Sociopath, Mister Tudor. Formidable.
Thank you. I cannot disagree.
🙂
Lol…Starr…..I I like how you writ out my whole. Name with all ssssssss…
Sorry that went thru without fixing I cannot think
I don’t care if you’re a girl..I love you too Starr. I love everyone..except Anne b elle. No, it’s okay I love her, too
Reminds me of a lyric of one of my favourite songs by Grimes “Flesh Without Blood”
“Got a doll that looks just like you”
Play things. Toys.
I could send you picture of myself that you could throw darts at, if you’d like.
I want a doll
One that is abominably correct.
Like the snowman?
Like a strange one…FTW.
SA…….
Your comments reminded me of….
Now I ain’t sayin she’s a gold digger,
But she ain’t messin with no broke
n!@@a….
Lol.
From what I understand about Narcissism (which is attributable to much of HG’s work), Narcissists do not form emotional connections and are unable to feel intimacy. I believe in one of his books (I cannot remember the title off the bat?), that he described the act of sex as a reminder of intimacy that it was really more of a turn-off other than aspect of control. Therefore, to the Narcissist, having sex with another woman is no different than having sex with anyone and is all attributable to fuel…
That’s why I prefer to just be creative by myself…Super Creative. I wish for no sexual diseases. I like to keep myself clean for when Mr. Right comes. I have a secret…
Yea, a Narcissist who gives an STD would be like the ultimate of unforgettable….do tell?
I never have had an SPD, THANK The Lord!! <3
Soggy Perm Disorder?
Lol…silly, HG…
Me either 🙂
Then, does the Narcissist have no intimacy whatsoever? Or, is fuel his “intimacy”?
Those are very good questions…I am thinking…btw, I saw your Songs…are those a list of your favorites?
Some of them, but I still have lots and lots more to add! Lots more:-) Do you like any of those songs?
Not really but I love your style as it is different!
Sarah, I like all kinds of music; also classical and instrumental. But, these songs are what I like to listen to motivate me to do my chores that must be done 🙂 What do you like to listen to? I am going to put up more songs soon. I change frequently. Tomorrow, I might not like them, and like a whole new set of songs. I change my mind frequently. I even wrote a poem about my being a frequent mind-changer…hm
What kind of chores, Claudia?
My musical taste is something I don’t even understand, but I like certain songs – there was never a band I liked an entire album or even more than two songs in most cases – but when I hear a song and I like it, I like it forever. I have no idea the correlation but don’t talk about music much because it would be literally IMPOSSIBLE for anyone to relate with me without defying mathematical odds – so I just always kept it to myself as my thing.
Weird example – but like Mad World – by Adam Lambert – I love that song, but heard a different version of it when I watched Donnie Darko with my roommate that was okay and then bonded with the song when I heard that version of it – but I do not really like rap or country music – mostly alternative – but there are always some exceptions to the rule but it’s on a song by song basis – for me, I think if the emotions and the words align that has something to do with it, but you don’t have any favorite song at all?
Yes, I do have favorite songs, but I cannot think of which one is my favorite; for a long time, I liked Alice Cooper “Me and You”, and then for a long time, I liked Bobby Caldwell “What you Won’t Do For Love”, (plus the instrumentals in this song is so wonderful!); and then “Eres Tu”, by Mocedades was my favorite…so many!
Tonight, it’s Billy Squier, “You’re my Kind of Lover” https://youtu.be/p_OeZaP2zfk
Thank you so much, btw, for the very sweet comment <3
Intimacy requires two things from each person: 1) knowledge of self and 2) acceptance of self by another.
HG could answer this better for sure, but as a pupil, I believe a Lesser and Mid-Range could not have intimacy because they lack awareness of who they are (failing requirement 1) and thus fuel would be what they define as intimacy when it is not, but they would say it is as they do not even care enough to fathom the concepts. But they lack both elements 1) and 2) as above so even if their partner has mastered 1) and 2), it does not matter.
I believe that the Greater has mastered 1), but not 2) which is why he or she play the role of actor whereby intimacy of another becomes his or her fuel by the ensnarement process. They choose specifically to disregard 2). In this regard, the Greater is actually able to feel the intimacy of another for the specific purpose of fuel by relating with the emotion he or she feels through the true self that is objectified to project the construct. In such a relation, this is why the Greater must construct a labyrinth of a game to ensnare others as there is no other option once self-awareness becomes known other to open up to option 2) or make it a competitive game. In this regard, any intimacy that was felt, even for a fleeting moment would be easily dismissed as a needed element to further the manipulation and be disregarded when the other person is disregarded. In this case, the intimate partner could have 1) but the narcissist is in control of 2). Game over.
And then there is HG….a different category all of his own 🙂
Sarah, what a lovely and very informative answer! Thank you so much. <3 I actually copied it to read on my bigger device so I could study it even better:-) Thank you SO much! <3
Claudiasssssss
Mind you, I could be dead wrong – HG is the expert on the topic 🙂 I am reading through a lot of material at lightning speed as I am running out of time on completing my mission.
Your mission?
I am working on figuring out how to reverse the process of the golden child.
Oh, NICE!! <3
What attracted you to HG’s blog?
I had 3 relationships; one a Histrionic, and two Narcissists. I guessed I should try to learn about these types of personalities, and also why I attract them. And, yourself?
I am trying to gain insights so I can help mitigate the effects of the golden child in my stepson who I love very dearly and also find peace for me that I handled it correctly and did all I could do – he is 12 and we have had full custody for almost two years and have been trying to figure out what was going on. HG is the only adult golden chid I know that is openly talking about his condition in general – I have searched online for hours and hours for books or anything but no one talks about it because no one knows. There is no resources on it almost- I can find some great stuff on the Scapegoat, but never from HG’s perspective as Golden Child from a male. The effects on a son with a mother are different than daughters, but it seems like women write and talk more about it than men.
Have you read any of HG’s books? One on my reading list is Chained: The Narcissist’s Co-Dependent where HG talks about how Narcissist’s are attracted to certain people. Not that you are a Co-Dependent or anything like that – I am not one for labels in general, but I am reading Horns and Halos right now.
I think that Sam Vaknin said that HPD may actually be the somatic female form of NPD – dating a guy like that would be interesting to say the least, but the only variable in a frustrating situation that one can change is ourselves! HG is very knowledgable on the subject but not sure if he has address Histrionics?
DC, the Male Histrionic was abuse in every way…emotionally, spiritually, psychologically, physically, and sexually. I became very much afraid of him. My faith in The Good Lord kept me from injuring this man, or myself.
I mean, that reply was to Sarah Mercedes about the Histrionic. I’m sorry about that, Sarah. I wrote DC. Ya, Sarah!
I am sorry that happened 🙁 But you are out now, so that is what matters and counts 🙂
I am A-OK, now 🙂 The Lord saved me <3
That is awesome you give Him credit for that – sounds like you are in a good place!
<3 <3<3 Yes! But, I need to not attract Narcissists, anymore. And, I also need to learn not to be attracted to them 🙁
I also had very healthy relationships <3
I just read it, again. Wow! This is fascinating, Sarah! Very in-depth. Still processing. Thank you, again <3
Claudiasssssss
But, I am very modest in public; no one would consider anything apart from my modesty and shyness. But, when it comes to intimacy, I change completely.
Intimacy does not mean SEXual intercourse. This is about SEX, fornication. Dancing between the sheets. Mambo Jambo. The beast within gets to play. FUCKING.
You know Miracay.
I know. I know. 🙂 🙂 Too cool…
I know, SA 🙂 🙂 how I know!
SA, are you British? The other day, I saw you posted, “True That!”
I do not mean “cool” about cheating, I mean “cool” about other things…
Ah, yes. The animal takes over…
We never had proper intercourse. No trust. Did not want pregnancy. Not that this is an invite or criticism but likewise if you and I ever had an intimate relationship…which we won’t. Wth with that pic? Barbie dolls?
Sad none of this is a joke (although I try to make it into one to deal with the grief). I put up with so much.
Hey HG how long were you with Andrea? What is it about her (or what she did) that makes you feel that way
About six months.
She is a traitor and must be punished. Always.
How will she be punished, Mister Tudor?
🙁
Next time narc cheats, it won’t be on me…!
His Replacement insisted on monogamy from day 1
love shared Values!
He’s in Nashville this wk on biz → no worries!
By NOW, Narc woulda already hit up Carrie Underwood, Taylor Swift, AND Garth Brooks’ wives
HG — you *scored* again!
He might get lucky with Taylor Swift.
Who??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKYLCr5pLAE
The Weeknd – Montreal
But then there is this one: (NSFW)
yes. unfortunately he came to the realization that he lost the one girl that filled him.. because everything is not enough 😉 and so he tried to find it in all the other girls and was doing all the girls, all the girls… and one day he noticed some strange bumps.. :0 and all the girls started noticing it too.. and only the girls with bumps on their shit stuck around and .. well they went everywhere else too and back to the guy..
then, a few years later to his dismay he found out he had prostate cancer .. linked to those bumps… he had to get it removed.
unfortunately.. he was one of those guys that just didn’t luck out and he could never get it up again.
none of the girls with the bumps wanted him anymore because girls with bumps like certain things. He didn’t have that anymore…
and now, he still had many years of life left…all the girls are gone.
he thinks back and remembers the girl.. the one without the bumps.. that would have loved him enough to spend his many years left. she would have sacrificed pleasure for love. unfortunately he wanted everything and now has nothing. So he did what he had to do and bent over in order to keep company… because he needed “love”, he was desperate and that’s what he had to do to get it. It didn’t last long though, because he got infected with HIV/AIDs and well, no one held his hand through that ;(
I know the guy so. 😉
I’d say so! 🙂
Promiscuous girl
Wherever you are
I’m all alone
And its you that I want
Promiscuous boy
I’m calling your name
But you’re driving me crazy
The way you’re making me wait
Promiscuous girl
You’re teasing me
You know what I want
And I got what you need
Promiscuous boy
We’re one in the same
So we don’t gotta play games no more
– Nelly Furtado
Word.
I have a poem my friend wrote about Monogamous marriage:
She will encase him
within the velvety cocoon
of her tightly-
clenching glove;
He will fill her
with the creamy-drippings
of his ever rich,
decadent love.
In perfect rhythm,
they will soar together
with each starving
and epic thrust;
Their blissful screams
shaking every chamber
in their animalistic need-
a must!
Patented (T. Y.)
See, Monogamy is very lovely, and cool.
Indeed <3
Great talent this poet has <3
A doll orgy.
Sometimes I put Ken and Barbie together so I can watch them in different ways
Really, Tina??? Are they abominably correct?
Sir Tudor, while you have no empathy or remorse, when you read our comments, hear our situations and see more from your writers’ perspective and hear their pain, does that not stir you to be more gentle with the people in your life, especially primary sources? I read a woman’s comment on another site where she told the narc in her life that his cheating on her was like a knife being twisted in her. He was horrified as that pain he could relate to. Before that, he could not relate to the emotional pain she was feeling due to his cheating. Do the comments from this site not change somewhat your own behaviour? Even if you don’t carry the feelings, might you not reconsider some actions on your part? Although maybe you feel others’ pain that you cause is irrelevant and deserved due to the pain you experienced once upon a time. This isn’t to be rude to you, just a thought on what may be your reasoning.
(And while I said I wouldn’t post from my phone again, alas I did ask questions and of course it was on Promiscuous Boy (which I read after this post) and not this one, which was where I was to post. Why I need to keep my word on not posting from phone.) But I am thankful for internet even on phone as none of this would have been possible before. But not wanting internet in your kinds’ hands, though -sure was mine’s playground. While I want to understand it all, I do know he will be held accountable at the end and this behaviour loses – BIG TIME. I would much rather be me than him. Still hurts now though.
No it does not stir me to be more gentle because I do not feel anything that is akin to that. Instead I understand and I learn.
Would I reconsider? I am adaptable if I recognise that it will serve a purpose for me. I evolve in order to become better and more effective. I alter so that my needs are catered for. I must always drive forward. If there is an alternative method available to me, I am no fool, I will consider it and ascertain whether it will serve me better. If that route lessens someone else’s pain, so long as my interests are better served, I will take it, but the reduction in the pain of another is entirely collateral.
All is as the fuel demands it to be.
Thank you, Sir Tudor, for answering. Your kind remind me of snakes. I can see their eyes assessing and figuring out how they will approach/devour their prey. The comics in Two Legged Snakes (book) show very creatively how Narcs or Psychopaths act. Great pictures. You describing yourself as a machine is also helpful. And yes, your kind are great for walking into disasters, being paramedics, doing many dangerous jobs. I’m very sensitive to others’ pain and things greatly affect me: I’d be useless and faint.
You are welcome.
You are like a robot.
But, a Robot that is programmed to hurt others for its own pleasure and gain 🙁
A ‘gentle beast’ would be nice.
I like getting blood-tests, and IV’s. They are entertaining as they usually miss the vein and have to keep trying over and over, until they decide to go for my wrist in which to puncture the needles. I suppose I like it because it is a controlled situation. I do not like uncontrolled situations AT ALL.
Infedility to us is similar to how you feel when we take fuel away from you and give it to someone else. For example:
Asking your brother what his favorite food is and making dinner based on his wishes.
Providing pro bono service to an organization and not involving you to reap the benefits of our generosity and hard work.
Buying someone else the gift you’ve been hinting/telling us you want for weeks.
That is a lot of Barbie dolls.
Barbie Doll! Barbie Doll!
You are all so much the same.
Built out of plastic
And manufactured parts;
You all are way too easy to tame.
With N1, he cheated enough that I finally said do whatever, just tell me about it. It wasn’t the act itself but the lying about it that I had a problem with. Even given that, he still went behind my back. I guess the fuel proved too sweet for him to accept such an arrangement. N2 would insist that he wasn’t seeing anyone, despite the fact that we weren’t technically a “thing”, and I wouldn’t have cared anyway. I felt like he deserved to be pleased as often as he liked. I assume he was lying about it for the negative fuel as well. Promiscuity combined with Dishonesty is a powerful one-two punch to the heart.
Nice picture…Tubby kept a stack of naked ones in the closet. The feet were chewed off. I made the unsettling discovery right before he discarded me. He claimed they belonged to an 8 year old cousin…..
TT this is just creepy and sick. I am happy you are away from tat one.
twinkletoes if we want to laugh we just have to read you
I do enjoy the TT and the Tubby saga. I smile many times with this one.
This is just creepy and sick. I am happy you are away from tat one.
I can say I have cheated on every BF. Not because I needed fuel but because they needed devouring. It is who I am as I love lust. I am not a Narc. Just a women with a libido. My 1st husband said I thought from the waist down.
Ditto
But, I have never cheated… just wore them out.
Four of them had heart-attacks…oops
Curious…. If you have or had no remorse or empathy for your action of cheating on everyone isn’t that a telling sign of a Narc? I’m not asking to be rude. But that’s how I started with my research into who my husband is. No remorse or regret for starting an affair, no empathy for how I felt and put his needs (the affair) above anyone else’s.
I might have felt something but it was not anything other then knowing the thread to my partner was broken inside of me. I did not feel remorse or guilt. >
Also, I have had affairs with two married men. I still have a deep friendship with one. We do not sleep together anymore, but he does call me every month or so to check on the “little Bitch.” And trust me I was.
I used them just like they used me. I did not sleep with them unless they took well care of me. I had a friend who sat in judgement of me and stated: “I would never fool with a married man!” LOL, she ended up with a long term hidden relationship with a married man who gave her nothing but heartache. I always said “honey, if you are willing to sleep with a married man and carry on an affair, make sure he pays your mortgage as you will get nothing else from him. I am not proud nor ashamed. Did I love them? Yes, I did, but not in the way you think. They cared about me as a person too. They wanted to make sure I had what I wanted or needed as they could not give me more. I still have contact with him. We have excellent conversations and always hang up laughing about life.
Would I do it now? As far as a long term deal? Damn right I would if he is willing to share his money and I had chemistry for him.
Remember, I do not want to keep him. I just want to use him. I don’t want to smell him in the morning.
Have I ever had a healthy relationship? What is normal or healthy? Have I loved a man? I guess I have, but it seems to change, the definition of this love,
AS HG writes the first kiss can be toxic, as long as they know how to. I always ask to follow my lead so I can show you how to kiss me. A bad kiss will dry me up. And girls you know many suck at this fine art of physical interaction.
Hands are important too. I love nice looking hands.
I am loyal as a partner. Sex has nothing to do with loyalty.
I can understand the more carnal, lusty aspect, and I can also understand the separation of sex and love. I think that, while sex is integral to a romantic relationship, love is not integral to a sexual relationship. In the bdsm realm, I’ve played with a couple of guys who were married, and they both assured me that their wives consented. I wouldn’t agree to it otherwise. Of course one might have been lying now that I look back on it, but with the other the wife and I were friends and metamours. It was great.
The part I’m not really getting though is the mindset of just wanting to use them. Like for money and such as you describe.
No need to cheat even if the man cannot keep going. Just be very, very creative with oneself. Possibilities endless, you see. endless. creative. incredibly creative… so much to do for pleasure…too many things. ya it’s
oops, did not fin ish statement
hippidy-hop…
I do understand the hippidy-hop necessity, Tina <3
Shut up, Tina!
So they provided “fuel”?
My husband had an affair. This has destroyed me so I don’t see how unless it’s someone of HG’s kind could do as you describe. I’m not judging you. It just stood out to me that you specifically said I am not a Narc while it seems to be a narc attribute the way you have described it all.
I would not engage if he was going to confess to his wife of HIS indiscretions. This was and never about hurting anyone. I was the only one that stood to be hurt. Which is the case as there were times I wanted the company but could not pick up the phone to call them. I never wanted to hurt the wife or GF. Also to engage in this activity you must be discreet and smarter then the average bear. I do not lie outright unless I have to do so. I say Yes I went around the mulberry bush but I do not say there are berries on the bush.
I am a bit dark but by no means a Narc. LOL rhymes with a ring >
Differently not a gold digger. I would be a lot wealthier if I was. I wish I could have been I had to want them and yes no scrubs!
I am not out to destroy anyone. If he was stupid to get caught, which one did and used me to start the separation with his wife so I took him down. Trust me when I say I changed the course of his life. Cost him his job of many years as an executive in a casino. I went right to the top and took him out. I enlisted the other women besides me who he was messing with too. His wife and family were collateral damage but she was a part of it also. Actually told me she knew it was me and she used me to end her marriage. Oh really? Let’s see about this. I knew what I was doing and realized more then ever my power. I do not plan on hurting anyone. But back me in a corner and you will see someone you will not like in the end. >
If as you say it was never about hurting anyone then you wouldn’t have done it. People get hurt during affairs. Wives and husbands affected. Children are affected.
But the people having the affair only care about themselves.
I’m not going to argue that you are a narc but the obvious lack of remorse and empathy for others in this regard made me curious and that’s what had me asking. Also you said you didn’t outright lie. Omission is lying too. My husband made vows to me. When he cheated but didn’t “outright” lie to do so, he did omit and that is lying. He cheated our vows.
I didn’t see him as a narcissist until I started questioning and investigating how he could cheat and have no remorse or empathy for me and his family. And now here I am taking advice from HG, learning from him so I can possibly be released from my husband’s hold on me. HG has stated the lesser narcs won’t know what they are.
I understand how you perceive all of us however have you not had a relationship with someone who was open to you divulging in other women? Maybe they would like to join in and give you twice the fuel!
I have had my share of threeways DC.
Yes, but with a main fuel source?
Yes two of primary sources joined in (on separate occasions)
Was it what they wanted or you guilt/manipulated them into it?
They wanted it. Eventually.
Ah, so so they didn’t. Your kind is very persuasive…but if they really aren’t into it then it will come to an end and of course it won’t be played out how YOU like.
Seems once it starts, it would be easy to get into. I am not saying this is a positive thing, only stating that the fleshy desires do take over into animalistic hunger, it would seem. I would not know, of course. <3
Claudiassss…I think you need a nickname and to stick with one girly. I cannot type out every name you’ve used lol. 😉
Anyhow, to enjoy sharing in a sensual act, for someone with emotion, you really need to have some sort of connection with the other partner/partners and when I say connection it must utilize the senses. If you are not into girls/guys you will be hesitant and I can assure you that even if you relax a little it’s not going to be an optimum experience. I am very comfortable with my sexuality, I definitely need a man to be satisfied but I soooo appreciate the beauty and sensuality of a woman… I will never be in a relationship with a woman though. You must be open and receptive to get full enjoyment out of a threesome because animalistic desires lead you to pay attention to one partner and also create jealously, which doesn’t work in a threesome.
Thank you, DC..:-) I keep changing my mind about everything. If you come up with a good name, I can use it, and stick to it most likely…if it’s from someone else 🙂
Metaphor/Mira/Tina/Claudia/Claudiasssss and I know there is one more I am missing… Claudia your name is beautiful and is French… I will either start calling you Frenchie or stick with Claudia… be proud of your name little butterly! 😉
Thank you; I will <3 If you like it, I shall keep to my name: Claudia (hugssss)
Claudia you can do what makes your happy dear, but I am just going to stick with Claudia! 😉
I am just going to stick with Claudia, too 🙂
I thought I answered this one, my friend, Dragoncreeper, but my Reader says I did not. I am sorry, I really thought I had. I am going to just keep my Claudia-given name cuz, why not, after all ?
Excellent choice Claudia 😉
<3 <3 <3
Claudia is my real name, but not with “sssssss” at the end. The “sssssss” are not on my birth certificate. My twin sister came up with the sssssss. She is very creative, but so am I (however, I like to be humble about it). I am shy that way.
Freeways, do you mean? Misspell?
How did they “eventually” come around?
A little gentle persuasion along the lines of you never know whether you will enjoy it until you have tried it. They enjoyed it.
Got it. I heard that one…my response? My loss.