Total Collapse of Your Heart


Music. One of the most powerful ways of conveying feelings and emotions. From the tension inducing strings used in the shower scene in Psycho, to the ominous double bass as the shark theme from Jaws (my ring tone incidentally) and to the uplifting melodies of Walking on Sunshine, music has a formidable power to instill sadness, joy and fear. From the earliest days of our existence as we delighted in the sung nursery rhymes of Three Blind Mice or the excitement of a toddler recognising the theme tune to his or her favourite television programme through to the regal Entrance of the Queen of Sheba at a wedding or the accompanying sounds to a funeral,music is all pervading and all powerful. Music creates the urge to dance and to sing. It inspires and motivates. Think how much further you can run on that treadmill when you listen to some up tempo dance music or your favourite pop tunes.Supermarkets alter the music played over the tannoy to influence the speed at which shoppers move about the store, advertisers look for that annoyingly catchy jingle that is always associated with a particular product and if you are placed on hold some soothing strings are played to you in order to maintain its patience (although I must concede that does not always have the desired effect). Music has the capacity to change moods in an instant, to heighten feelings and manipulate emotions and of course it is this last characteristic of music that is so useful to our kind.

We use music extensively in the way that we manipulate. We may exhibit our proficiency with a musical instrument to lure you to us, this being a particularly favourite step of the cerebral of our kind. Our somatic brethren use the breathless excitement of a frenetic and popular entertainer at the sold-out concert to draw their prey. We ensure that we create a catalogue of songs which will generate Ever Presence when we have discarded you or you try to escape us through the application of no contact. Every time you hear the opening strains of The Power of Love, your mind is taken back to the times we held one another as we listened to that song and I pledged to ‘protect you from the hooded claw, keep the vampires from your door’.You are engulfed in sadness at such a memory and music has taken you back to that time in an instant. We of course always look to create ‘our song’ which we use at first as a device to hook you, hold you and then repeatedly remind you of what we once had and torture you in the months and years following the cessation of our relationship. Naturally, when assessing you as a target,I had regard to the songs you posted late at night, perhaps when you were mulling over a previous relationship, on your Face Book news feed. I worked through your social media, making a note of the songs you refer to and the context as I begin to compile that playlist for use when I commence my seduction of you. I may use a Lieutenant to gain access to your CD collection or to scroll through your Itunes list. He or she will have particular regard to how often certain songs have been played, when looking on Itunes and feeding that information to me. I make use of your list of songs and then supplement that list with the stock lists which I have and repeatedly use. I have such ready-made playlists of my favourite songs dependent on your favourite genres, accordingly I have a pop one, a rock one, a dance one, a classical one, a soundtrack one and so on. All except rap. Rap is no use when trying to seduce.

If you revel in the disposable joy of pop music I will have a set of tracks for use with you when I seduce you. I know these are effective because I used them with my last pop-loving victim. One of my favourite methods of seduction is to not tell you how I feel about you directly but always convey it via the power of music. I will send you a text with a song title which will implicitly suggest that you look it up on YouTube or Itunes and in so doing you will sit and smile as the music washes over you and the seduction begins to envelop you. I may send you the link for the song, or I may purchase the CD and leave it on the passenger seat of your car for you to play. I may feign that I was so hurt by my last relationship that I struggle to tell you how I feel and can only do so through the medium of music. This makes you feel special and each time I provide you with the details of a song I provide you with a concentrated blast of delicious and addictive seduction.

By contrast, during my devaluation of you I will deny ever liking certain songs that I once professed to love, in order to confuse you. I will change the type of music that I prefer and claim I have always loved that music. I will denigrate your music choices, complaining loudly if you play certain music or leaving the room. When I know you are struggling and feeling weak I will then revert to the seduction tactics and suddenly fill the room with the sound of a particular song which is so very significant to you and just stand and stare at you waiting for the inevitable tears to start to flow along with the fuel that I desire. Music is a powerful tool in our hands, it allows us to seduce, it allows us to denigrate and it allows us to seduce once again.It lifts you up, it makes you feel cherished and special because we know exactly the right pieces of music and songs to  play to you. We know, just like that catchy song, how to ensure that every time you hear certain songs you remember us and the pain and longing flows once again. Music is a major weapon that we are able to use. As Bonnie Tyler sang, “Once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.”

21 thoughts on “Total Collapse of Your Heart

  1. Clary M says:

    This song of this title is one if my favorites music has always been to me one of the healthiest tolls after breakup and makeup which drives us crazy it’s selfsippprt good day everyone

  2. K says:

    HG, are you at all moved by music? This is one of the first things I noticed about the lack of emotion in my N. It didn’t make sense to me since he is a talented musician, self-taught piano, guitar, and drum player. I would ask him what he liked about a particular song and his response always had to do with the music itself, the sound of it. If I asked him how it made him feel or what it made him think about he said nothing, that he just liked the sound of it. He even dabbles in song writing, but I know he will never write anything worth a damn since he can’t even feel something to write about.
    I used to think he was just being macho about it and would even convince myself that we had an emotional connection over a song that he might be playing over and over again, that surely that song made him feel SOMETHING but he just didn’t want to admit it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello K. I like music and I like to dance but I do not appreciate the music in isolation but rather as part of the matrix into which the music is inserted. For instance, my favourite band is Depeche Mode. When I see them in concern, I enjoy the music because I see the effect it has on the audience. I see how elated and stirred they are by it and thus I am validated that I chose DM as my favourite band and i was right to do so because they are well-regarded by many people. I consider their liking of DM to be a liking of me because I have chosen DM as my favourite band and thus I am caught up in the power which comes from this knowledge and the fuel associated with it. When I dance I enjoy it because I sense people watching me and admiring me, which gives me fuel. It is the act of dancing to the music and the fuel which comes with it that causes me to like to dance to the music. Certain songs will also be associated with moments where fuel has been obtained and therefore listening to that song again revisits the memory of that fuel and provides a residual amount of fuel.I can tell you what i think is a good song compared to a poor song but it si for the associations of that music.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        I just pictured you doing the sprinkler. Thank you.

      2. sr201 says:

        Wow, that makes so much sense. My ex was that way, and i totally understand what you are saying.

  3. My head got filled with lyrics and music and he turned me into this:

    An appliance/human hybrid.

  4. Holy Reality says:

    We attended the performance of Wicked …how appropriate. Those flying monkeys can kiss my ass!

  5. Snow White says:

    This was one of your first manipulations that validated for me what my ex was. I was in awe that others did this too. I read about this in the first book I downloaded of yours. I was impressed that she was able to find so many songs describing our relationship at every one of its stages. She used every genre of music.
    I am happy to say that I am not as emotional when certain songs come on anymore. A couple still do but I quickly change the channel like I was instructed to do so by a wonderful teacher😉

    She took me to see the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas concert last year and as soon as I heard that advertised on tv it stopped me in my tracks. I turn that channel off as soon as it comes on. She gave me a cd of that concert and I won’t be listening to it. That was another example of Ever Presence that was planted. She hates Christmas.

    Is she getting thought fuel everytime she hears that on the radio because she thinks I’m reacting to it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It depends on where she is at with her new primary source. If they are in a golden period she will not be giving you much thought when that song plays. She may be reminded of you but will do nothing about the reminder, or she will have effectively deleted the memory (for now). Once the new primary source is being devalued, she will use that song again and will derive fuel from hearing it if she perceives that you will react to it.

  6. SII says:

    The first time I read this I was to taken back at the exact reality. I only took in what I could. Since my whole relationship was truly based on music he was very clever of setting his hoovers to music. Also making sure what music he liked would not be music someone of his age would necessarily like. It fascinates me how he could tell me his favorite candy and bingo it’s a song in NC Hoover. The carpenters We have only just begun. Hoover….well GTS, maybe you have only just begun but…. I am far gone!
    HG your brains fascinate me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SII feel free to pick them.

      1. SII says:

        I must have, I see the next blog is Hoover time!

  7. Yes, music makes me feel everything. I cry at commercials. I cry at the Symphony. I cry at music in movies. It’s funny, my narc parents wouldn’t slight me most of the time for crying at those things, but if I was hurt physically by their hand or not, I wasn’t allowed to cry. If they were reviling me, no crying. They might say okay, enough, stop it, but they wouldn’t always step in when I cried over music, movies, etc. They would use it to get fuel I think by either saying, OMG you are so tender hearted, like it was bad thing to exert control or would say what are you crying about? it’s only a song, movie, etc…when I reached the age of about twelve, there was no more crying at all. I viewed it as they did, weakness. Thats about the time I started out as Narc. I stayed that way into my late 20s. Then I went way empathetic. Now, I try to maintain the balance. Cry if I feel like it. But still turn off and on emotions or disassociate. I know that it is not a healthy coping mechanism, but sometimes have to use it to get through a situation. You could really annihilate me HG. Good thing I am not your type.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I think you mean good thing you are on another continent.

      1. Ha ha ha. I am on a new level Mr. Tudor. I am out of the game, staaaaaarrrrrtttttiiiinnngggg Now!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It’s never over.

    2. SII says:


      Can you describe how you were able to switch your thinking from narc to empath at such a young age? Were you aware of what raised you? I was not allowed to cry either with a beating. I to shut down around 10 never to shed another tear. Do you deal with a narc monster if your own? Did you have siblings and how did they turn out? Thanks

      1. Hi SII,
        It was two classes of narc that raised me. Dad Narc/Sociopath Mom Lesser Victim. I had 3 female outside sources who treated me very kind. The were very empathic women. I liked how they acted and seen them as good examples of how people should be treated. My Mother was so cold and unavailable, that I realized that I never wanted to be like her. There were 3 main events that transpired by age 12. This caused the switch to Narc/Predator mode. 4th and final event took place at 15. Throughout this entire time I had not only the other 3 woman but teachers who were very good to me and helped shape me emotionally & academically. I have one brother and one half brother who is dead. I have 2 half sisters one whom is dead and the other I have not met in person. I had spoken to her by phone for a time but it caused such triangulation and fighting I stopped talking to her. My brother is Narc. He and I are the only ones who have any sort of relationship. We were pitted against each other very much growing up. Parents would make us take sides. We were never really treated like children. My parents would say to this day you were little adults. We were included in everything. We were asked our opinion and of course there were no boundaries. I became predatory toward Narc males. I would seduce and discard before devaluing could start. I got into therapy at 20. I was encouraged to go because I was in an accident and lt would help with my lawsuit. I remained in therapy for twelve years. I quit. Then I went back. Then quit. Then went back. Then quit. Then went back last year. Same Doctor. I got married to 15 years ago. My husband is a great person. My therapist says he is just short of perfect for me. 98%. I had trouble with being in a normal relationship. I didn’t trust his kindness. Once I learned I deserved him, I was fine. I ended up here because of hoover attempt about 6 months ago. I’ve since taken care of that with HG ‘s help. Now I am hanging around here for entertainment and I like to hear peoples stories and how they relate to my own. Also, if I can provide a comment to help, encourage or support I will do so. I will always be able to glean something from HG and his works. It is valuable information especially when you have a Narc family dynamic. I do not speak to either of my parents. I had one interaction with them in September. It was an emergency and I did my part and haven’t spoken to them since. I have no use for their dramatics. I get my chaos dose on this blog, which I only have needed because of narc trigger. This need will end of course when I am ready to let go. I am close. Hope that helps you. FTW ☺

        1. SII says:


          That helps. Can I ask you. Your two half siblings that passed away. Was this suicide?

          1. SII,
            My half brother died in a foreign country. The story we got from his mother was that he was on quualudes and alcohol in a hotel room, vomiting but could not turn himself over and thus chocked to death. Accident or suicide? Don’t know. He was 23. My half sister died of ovarian cancer at 29. I never met her. My other half sister was suicidal. Their mother was my Father’s first wife. She is bpd. Married 8 times. Being my Father is Narc/Sociopath makes sense. He had alot of crazy stories about their relationship. She was around when I was very young. Used in triangulation against my mother significantly. My half brother would come and live with us from time to time. He was a Narcissist/sociopath also. Highly intelligent. Double promoted twice in school. Con artist, bi-sexual, prostitute. Used many aliases and throughout his short life experienced severe trauma. Once his mother left him and his two sisters, age 5, 3, 2 at home for a week with a gallon of milk and a box of cereal and told him, you have to be the man of the house now, take care of your sisters til I get back. No wonder he ended up dead.

  8. The Punisher says:

    Haha! Your ringtone for who? Shouldn’t that be your IP’s ringtone for you, or is she not there yet?

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