You Sicken Me

sicken

We are strong, powerful and impervious to illness or injury. We are a bastion of invulnerability, a veritable shining example of radiant health and vitality. Our superiority means we stand head and shoulders above everyone else and the weakness that comes with ill health and infirmity is not something that affects us. Except when we decide it must. That is when we play the sickness card. There are three instances, in the main, when we do this.

The first is when we do actually suffer from some illness or an injury. It may just be a fractured eyelash but to us we have been blinded with a red hot poker. The pain, good Lord the pain, it is too great and intense. It wracks us and has us twisted up in agony. Come on empath, do something. Do something now. Soothe our fevered brows, splint our broken limbs and bind our wounds. You must drop anything and everything. Forget being at work today, you must call in and excuse yourself no matter how inconvenient, for you are required to don a nurse’s outfit and do your best Florence Nightingale impression for us. This slight snuffle is pneumonia you know and to top it all it is your fault. You insisted on the window of the bedroom being left open, now see what you have done. I may not last the week. You would like that wouldn’t you, you ungrateful bitch after everything that I have done for you. You did it on purpose. You wanted me to be ill so you could see me suffer. That is how nasty and selfish you are. Is it any wonder I have been off with other women when this is how I am treated by somebody who is supposed to love me? Yes the smallest spot, minor ache and slight cough are all that is needed to enable us to declare that we are on our death beds. It is good for several uses. First of all, we will use it to avoid doing things such as household chores or attending an event that you wanted to go to. Secondly, it means you must give us plenty of attention by looking after us. Those soothing words and hot water bottles brought to our bedside all provide us with fuel. Thirdly, we are able to provoke you by being demanding and castigating you for not living up to expectations. You didn’t bring that hot lemon drink soon enough or those are the wrong pills. We will compare you to others, ” My mother would do a better job of looking after me than you.” All of which is designed to cause a reaction from you.

The second occasion on which we will play the sickness card is when you are ill or injured. We are not here to look after you. Good Lord, not at all. Why should we? That is not our role. We are too busy looking for fuel and we do not have the time or energy to spend engaged in nursing you. Not only of course are we devoid of the concept of feeling that we should care and that we should feel sorry and compassionate for someone who is unwell, we do not regard it as a task that is worthy of someone as brilliant as us. If you moan enough so that we are compelled to call out a doctor we will pronounce our own diagnosis in order to align ourselves with the brilliance of the medic. When he concludes what ailment it is you are suffering from we will declare,

“Yes, I said to her that that was what was wrong with her, but she won’t listen to me doctor, she insisted on getting you out. I am sorry she has wasted your time.”

We get to denigrate you and upset you whilst showing off how clever we are because we knew what was wrong with you (even though we did not) and the doctor accords with us. We may as well steal a segment of the doctor’s brilliance for our construct whilst he is here mightn’t we?

We will then invite the doctor to examine our shoulder or leg as we go to great lengths explaining how much pain we are in. This keeps the spotlight firmly on us and has you annoyed that we have hijacked your consultation. We will look to declare we are far worse off than you. You have a cold, well we have flu. We will use this as an opportunity to accuse you of attention seeking (nice bit of projection there) as we point out how selfish you are for being ill when we are. We have no interest in tending to you and we need to make the situation all about us. Accordingly, we will fake an illness or an injury in order to trump yours.

The third reason as to why we will play the sickness card is when we are low on fuel and low on energy. There may be any number of reasons why this state of affairs has arisen. You may be getting wise to some of our manipulative behaviour and therefore you are not reacting as often so that the level and quality of fuel that you provide is reduced. We may also have a natural dip in our energy levels or feel some degree of vulnerability which means that our resources are being stretched rather thin. This makes it difficult for us to seek out additional sources of fuel. This diminution in fuel reduces our power and this risks the craven creature that lurks within trying to escape and making itself heard. When this happens, the creature’s whisperings remind us of our weakened selves. We are not ill. We are not injured. What we are however is feeling weakened, as if we are ill or injured. Accordingly, we play the sickness card in order to obtain an emergency injection of fuel from you or whoever else might be to hand. As an empathic individual you are programmed to respond to this and you cannot resist the opportunity to exhibit your caring nature in order to help us out and nurse us. The attention you lavish on us provides us with fuel and we begin to feel more powerful again. The creature’s catcalls fade as he is subsumed within the prison of our constructed edifice once again and our supremacy returns. Our weakness lifts thanks to this provision of fuel from you and this has been instigated by us playing the sickness card. We will do this to garner sympathy from you, from family and friends and also from health professionals. Our favourite ailments of course are of the invisible variety. Depression, a stomach pain or a bad back. We are brilliant actors and ham up our suffering. The portrayal of our poor sick self would please Ferris Bueller. As with most things it is just another fabrication designed to manipulate you and provide us with fuel but you must never dare question us. We of course have researched the symptoms thoroughly and our Munchausen Syndrome is most prevalent. You are duty bound to help us rise from our sick bed or you are a bad person and we will cut you out of our will in the event that this terrible affliction sends us to the reaper. You will be sick to death of our illnesses and injuries but you will be duty bound to attend to them.

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33 thoughts on “You Sicken Me”

  1. H.G., what was it you faked to get out of skiing with Karen on a trip with friends? A knee injury?
    How would you have reacted if she stayed with you part of the time but still hit the slopes for part of the time too? Is this how fuel gets stale, when you start having the IP so conditioned and wrapped around your finger, although they are functioning correctly as an appliance and you want total control, it gets boring?
    I get very disturbed when I catch the occasional Discover ID and it covers a story about a husband (or wife) tampering with their spouse’s medication or somehow poisoning them slowly to bring about their death for life insurance money or something. I want to believe there is something more going on then NPD if someone can slowly plot to kill the person they are living with.

    1. Wow I LOVE this Indy. I can see how you related it to narcissism too. I’m unfamiliar with the band but I’m definitely going to check them out now.
      Thanks for sharing Indy.
      HG- i was thinking yesterday about John Lennon. Would you say he was a greater? He certainly hinted enough that he knew what he was but then he struggled with temper control. Is it possible for a lesser/mid range to know what they are or at least know something isn’t quite right about them?

      1. Hi Karen. I don’t think Lennon was a narc. As a young man he was a miscreant but deeply insecure. He wasn’t faithful to Cynthia or Yoko, but he did recognise love (with Yoko) and learnt to respect others as he grew older and eventually apologised for his misdemeanors. He was vulnerable and compassionate in his own way.

      2. Hi Scout, each to their own but I question someone’s ability to genuinely love when they can abandon their own son. I personally think age just provided him with the wisdom to up his game and put a better mask on. That said I no longer question if he was a greater, I don’t believe he was but I do believe he was a narc probably a lower mid range. Words/lyrics are cheap, actions are not.
        I don’t buy into him being compassionate in his own way. Compassion to the needy yet no compassion to your own blood? And no conscience about any of his wrong doings until his final couple of years of life? Nah, doesn’t sit right with me. I believe he displayed learned behaviour rather than a true reflection of himself. (As all Narcs do)
        I really enjoyed reading your thoughts and opinions though even if we disagree. Thanks for sharing 😊

  2. I had to frequently hear all about how depressed and lethargic he was all the time. Because of his “guilt”. His guilt about his life and the way he lived it made him feel that way.

    Oh and he was not able to fall asleep unless he “medicated” himself.

  3. HG, you truly have a knack for comedy writing. Your ideas of diabolical crafty schemes and your melodrama, all directed at your poor victim/s are truly witty. When you are denied an anticipated fuel, you begin a vengeful quest for more drama. This story is intended to be taken seriously (and is), but, all the same is less serious for your brilliant well-written, effective satire. Initially the truth of your stories left me deflated (some still do), but the reality has set in and now they leave me chuckling. I love your humour. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

    1. Hi Sniglet, I agree. Or as HG would undoubtedly say, I concur. 😁
      The wit softens the blow doesn’t it.
      It’s so much more positive to laugh at our predicament than to torture ourselves for being so stupid and when HG writes with humour that is what makes the difference to me.
      I was the same as you when I first came here. I was disgusted and I couldn’t bear how many people were so sycophantic to a self confessed narc. It didn’t make sense that those people were sufferers. But then! (And I will never forget this) HG wrote an article ‘remorse’ and all he wrote was ‘nope, can’t help with that one’ and I laughed! And laughed! The proverbial ice was then broken.
      Now he makes me laugh more than he makes me shudder. Although I still sometimes go ice cold when I read his articles and sometimes I have to have a break from here, for the most part I enjoy his articles and I enjoy the comments.
      It’s a fantasy world here I think. Fantasy buried in the stark reality of our lives.
      Last week HG’s current IPS was mentioned. That hit home with me and again I needed a short break. I felt guilty for joining in here when there was a whole other very real world of HG’s going on that it’s easy for us all to forget. That’s something I can’t laugh about and I can’t join in with others talking about Kim. Because she is experiencing HG in his worst form. It reminded me of what HG really is.
      It’s confusing. I want to hate HG but I can’t. First and foremost I’m grateful to him and that’s independent of how I feel about him as an individual. I accept that my perception of him has no bearing on my gratitude so that one’s easy. Other than that I sometimes wonder if I’m learning anything at all here? here I am trying to make sense of narcs and learn how to avoid them but at the same time being well and truly Hoovered into respecting and liking a greater. I question my ability to not get sucked back in in the ‘real world’ if it’s this easy in cyber world. I.e. “oh I know he’s a narc but he’s so funny and helpful and an amazing writer and so charming and polite and respectful”
      My thoughts are muddled today.
      My apologies HG if I’ve offended you at all with this post. Not intentional. Just being honest with my feelings.

      1. No offence taken, not at all, your honesty is understood and appreciated and is often the way people here regard me. The fact you recognise what I am but also how you can use my material to your use and that my innate charm here serves as a salutary warning for your own situation in the real world all show a constructive approach to my work and that you are seizing the power.

      2. Karen NC….don’t worry…It’s not your final destination anyway so enjoy the ride. Let the boat take you gently to new islands.

      3. Very well said! I feel like most of us here feel the same. I am able to post shit my Narc said after reading some of the stuff shared on here, relating to it, and at the time it confused the hell out of me but now it makes me laugh so hard. HG’s posts either make me laugh or shudder as well. I am someone who always tries to find the humor. HG delivers that humor and also makes things clearer in terms of what we are all dealing with.

      4. Hello Karen,

        One of your phrases connects with my own thought processes “It’s a fantasy world here I think. Fantasy buried in the stark reality of our lives.”

        HG’s engagement of clear and vivid educational discourse with his audience of events, affairs, good/bad intent may give the appearance of a chimerical notion, but we both know these depictions have manifested ,in reality, to many people and are accurate with slight individual variations. His sharing of his insight on this subject is greatly appreciated. I have personally observed these events from all levels of narcissists and have handled it quite well armed with my own childhood initiations. The narcs in my early beginnings loved, protected, supported and provided for me, but my own experiences are based on what those narcs did to others. One wonders under which spectrum I fit in sometimes. But, not too bothered.

        I am not sure who Kim is and what she is experiencing, but sounds like HG may be able to expand on that. HG?

        Do not be afraid of narcissists, Karen. My general view is that in the thrusts of love and seduction, when and if one has an intuitive sense of an impending narc outburst, immediately engage the intellectual power and override the dreamy eyed, love potency euphoria and disconnect from the narc. If it cannot be done, then act as if on a stage. To me disconnection means mentally entering a neutral stage of zero feelings, and do what is best for your well being – mentally, physically and emotionally. Logic over heart. No Contact for me is incredibly easy, piece of cake.

      5. Hi Sniglet, thank you for your reply and sorry it’s taken a while to get back to you.
        With hindsight I realise I’ve been a total narc magnet all my life. Strangely though the only one that has had this effect on me is the ex husband. He was the only one I felt trapped with though so maybe that’s it. I can’t get past my fear of him. He was so unpredictable that I spent my years with him in constant fear/anxiety of what would happen next. Because of his unpredictability I STILL don’t know what will happen next.
        I actually don’t think that I will ever be fully free of him. I.think I might always be looking over my shoulder.

  4. ‘Fractured eyelash’… hahaha.

    One of my favourite articles of yours so far – so spot on that it’s amusing.
    It was always stomach problems with my Mid-Ranger. And he always used to say he felt ‘blurry’ in the post-escape hoover texts he’d send.

  5. Omg, every day it was something. His back mostly. A cold, a migraine, his sinuses messed up. Always used it to get out of doing things. You’ve described him perfectly. And yes, I was always there to give him compassion, comfort and meds of whatever the ailment required. He’s sick alright, but not in any way that anyone else could fix. He’s broken beyond repair.

  6. hmm….I made 2 short lived escapes. Both times he apparently became very ill, once actually hospitalized with stomach issues. Testing revealed no major medical condition. The fake illness didn’t draw me in the second time and he missed over a week of work which was completely out of character.

  7. A fractured eyelash! Wouldn’t like to splint that lol!!
    Seriously, it appears that most partners of narcs are nurses or were health workers. It might be a co-concidence but it would follow the empath trait, that many are carers. Is this your experience HG or have you heard/read about this dynamic between nurses and narcs?

  8. I think you’re all afraid. That must be why you care so much about appearances and why you live as if your soul only exists for this one TEST life here on this planet.

    I suppose if you don’t have a soul, that would explain a lot.

  9. i would add a 4th and maybe 5th to those…

    to get out of doing things you do not wish to do – it is beneath you – how dare, for example, work demand your presence when you wish to be elsewhere?

    and (in some cases) to gain pity, manipulate others into feeling sorry for you more then ever… (woe is me, look at how primary source treats me while I am ill… look at how people demand things of me while I can barely stand up…)

    my ex did both of those, including calling his mother to care for him once I refused to. I knew he was faking, I knew he was lying (cuz he would often try and have me lie on his behalf..oh no.. he cannot go to work he was in a car accident… no… he’s fine but the car is totaled and he also has to deal with the insurance, or no… he is in the hospital and it caused him severe migraines again… or even no.. he was found on the sidewalk and has no memory of getting there (never mind that he sabotaged it so it came to that and of course talked himself out of needing psychiatric medication – not that he would have taken it)

    I could go on and on about it. Mostly it became a “look mother how my wife does not visit me in the hospital, how she treats me!”

    yup, I knew he was faking, I just couldn’t prove it and I wanted no part of it… and his flying monkey mother bought into it, fed it into bigger issues thinking she was helping when really she was enabling. I stopped caring if he smeared me. I will never support lies. I refused to make phone calls to his work, I refused to visit him in the hospital, I refused to have any part of his games.

  10. First, I know this is a terribly sexist thing to say but I’ve never met a man, narcissist or not, that didn’t think the world literally might end when they are sick. I’m certain they exist, I just personally have not met one.

    Second, about six months before the narc left me I texted him to let him know my pancreatic biopsy was benign. He responded way too quickly and said “the better to lick you with”. My response was “you are such a fucking idiot…you texted the wrong girl dumbass…and the better to lick you with doesn’t even make sense so you need to step up your dirty talk”. The better to lick you with is such a natural response for news of a benign biopsy. So obvious he was worried sick about me. His excuse was that it was just what he was thinking about at that moment and just had to text me. I was a mess when he said that but I can’t help but laugh now. Whoever he’s lickin is gonna be mighty disappointed because he scores a solid F in that department.

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