The Victim’s Cloak
The Victim.
I know there are those who do not like that word. They regard it as stigmatising and a hindrance to recovery. One understands such an approach, but nevertheless it is the appropriate word for those who have encountered our kind in the narcissistic dynamic. What does victim mean?
‘a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action’
There is no denying this would apply to someone who has been ensnared by us.
‘a person who is tricked or duped’
Equally applicable. After all, it is the very essence of our behaviour that we trick or dupe you.
‘a person who has come to feel helpless and passive in the face of misfortune or ill-treatment’
Accurate again. Of course not everybody may feel this way, but many will readily recognise it, even if they prefer not to announce it.
Accordingly, these various definitions are valid and accurate to those who have been involved with our kind, be it romantic, social, familial or otherwise.
It remains the case, however, that when it comes to the issue of victimhood and who gets to wear The Victim’s Cloak that once more our kind exhibits our well known hypocrisy. We regard you as the victim (we have to as this is part of the maintenance of our control and need for superiority) but we also then look to remove that victim status from you.
The various schools of narcissism approach this double standard in differing ways, in respect of how we stamp you with ‘Victim’ but then deny you any use or recognition of it. We both adorn you with the cloak and then remove it in some way.
The Lesser Narcissist
The Lesser treats you as a victim because you are beneath him or her. You are considered useless, in the way and an annoyance and your dithering, inability to second guess the Lesser results in a swift ignition of fury and its manifestation as usually heated fury. You are made to feel the victim, by being lambasted verbally, physically assaulted, sexually assaulted, demeaned, having your property destroyed and seeing others you cared about drawn into the whirlwind.
The Victim’s Cloak is rapidly placed around your shoulders through this treatment of you but then the Lesser immediately rips it away, shreds it and hurls it to one side so you cannot use it. Your victimhood is created through an aggressive act or acts. However, you are not allowed to retain the mantle of victim because the Lesser takes the firm view that whatever treatment has been applied against you, well, you deserved it.
“She was back chatting me so she got a slap.”
“He was lousy in bed so I told him how useless he is.”
“The house was a mess, so I smashed it up so she really had something to clean up.”
You are denied the status of victim because in the mind of the Lesser you brought the treatment on yourself. The fact you deserve it negates the sympathy, compassion and understanding that would ordinarily be afforded to a victim.
“Leave her be, she deserves what she got, quit fussing over her.”
“It’s for his own good, so he will get it right next time.”
“Stop mollycoddling that boy, he has to learn and I am teaching him.”
Of course, this conduct by the Lesser of branding you the victim through your mis-treatment and then the wrenching away of your cloak of victimhood is all part of the further control and manipulation. His knee-jerk response will have generated fuel from your reaction to being struck or shouted at, but then, as the victim, you are usually afforded concern, sympathy and help by others. The Lesser may find himself being triangulated by a concerned relative, friend or bystander. This erodes his control and unconsciously his own innate status as a victim comes to the fore. He does not recognise this. After all, he does not want the cloak to wear for himself, he is not a victim, hell no, he is better than that, but just as he believes he does not want that cloak, you are not allowed to wear it either and thus he will deny you any entitlements associated with being classed as a victim, purely because his own inherent victim status (albeit unrecognised) makes its presence known.
Even a Lesser who belongs to the Victim cadre does not consider himself as a victim. Unconsciously he does, but he considers his preferential treatment owing to his poor health, dodgy back or sheer bad luck, an entitlement of his. He will not regard himself as a victim, but someone who ought to be looked after, although of course he is playing the card of Victim cadre extensively. Why play this card? Simple. To stop you being allowed to be the victim. You have hurt your hand and cannot cook? Too bad, he is hungry and not able to walk, so you still have to do something. You feel faint? He has a fractured eyelash and you need to get him to the hospital quick smart. But remember, he is not a victim, you are, but you do not get any sympathy, consolation or help for being that victim. Thus you receive the cloak but you are not allowed to wear it and it is ripped up and thrown away.
The Mid Range Narcissist
The Mid-Ranger will treat you as a victim because they are the perpetrator of various abuses and manipulations against you. Whilst heated fury does manifest with the Mid Range Narcissist (usually the Lower Mid Ranger), the manifestation of fury is most usual through cold fury. Thus you receive the Present and Absent Silent Treatments, the smearing, the gas lighting, the Cold Shoulders and the The Incredible Sulk to name but a few of the manipulations that are available to the Mid Range Narcissist.
The Mid Ranger treats you as the victim, as these abuses are doled out against you and one might expect that the array of emotional, financial, sexual and most of all psychological abuses that the Mid Ranger uses would mean that The Victim’s Cloak would settle snugly about your shoulders.
No.
The Mid Ranger plucks that cloak from you and places it about his or her shoulders. It is their cloak. You are not allowed the trappings of being a victim because you are not entitled to support or concerned attention. No, that must be directed towards the Mid Ranger. Whilst he rejects the notion of weakness that is often associated with the status of being a victim, he believes he is the victim.
“I cannot believe I was passed over for promotion. I have been discriminated against and I am the best candidate.”
“I cannot begin to tell you how terribly she treats me.”
“I am never invited to see the grand children by my daughter. I don’t know what I have done wrong, but she is intent on making my life miserable.”
The Mid Range Narcissist wants the cloak. It is his by right and he wants everything that goes with it. He wants the Pity Party, the Commiseration Conference and the Sympathy Symposium. He is the victim don’t you know? Show some support, offer a concerned look, ask how he is, suggest a way of helping, agree that he is hard done to, down trodden and treated appallingly and after everything that he has done.
Tell the Mid Range that she deserves to be treated better, that she is well-regarded and this person who has not done what they wanted is an awful, despicable person and an abuser.
The Mid-Ranger always plays the victim even though they are the perpetrator. You are the victim because you are the one who is abused, but the Mid Ranger will never see it that way and he or she will not let anybody regard it that way as she or he pouts and twirls in their Victim’s Cloak. You can never be afforded the ‘benefits’ that should be afforded to the true victim.
Should the Mid-Ranger be of the Victim Cadre also, then order plenty of tissues because he or she will grab that Victim Cloak from you and grimacing, stitch it onto themselves, passing needle and thread through aching skin so that they can never be parted from that cloak.
The Greater
The Greater will never consciously consider him or herself as a victim. Never. After all, we are the hunters, the predators, the ones that targets and finds our prey. Not only that, we need only look at what we do, what we achieve and how we are regarded and this underlines and reinforces that we are not victims.
We do however utilise the notion of being a victim to drive our behaviours but we do not label it as being a victim. No, instead we consider it to be based on revenge. We recognise that the world is a treacherous place, full of untrustworthy charlatans and liars who come with great promises and then who fail to deliver. The simpering and fawning lick spittles who flatter to deceive, although we naturally see through all of that. Yet still, that behaviour, unwarranted and unjustified means we could consider ourselves victims (if we truly would lower ourselves in such a way). However, we are above that and once we were victims (although we see no reason to be reminded of that fact because we escaped it) means that you, him, her and everyone else will be punished if you even hint at returning us to that almost forgotten state of victimhood.
We have no desire to wear The Victim’s Cloak. It does not belong to us. It is not our size, colour and is made of material that is inferior to us. You are absolutely regarded as the victim because this game we play with you (and one which we revel in) means you have to be the victim because that means we win and you lose. Oh, this cloak is yours alright but just like the Lesser and the Mid-Range narcississt we will deny you any right to wear it. Why should you be afforded any sympathy, support or help? You should not and here’s why ; you deserve to be punished, you have nothing to complain about.
We have given you the world by your association with us and therefore how on earth can you have any basis for complaint? You brought this treatment on yourself, so not only do you deserve it (akin to the view point of the Lesser Narcissist) it goes further than that, it is right and just for you to be treated that way. Should the criminal be afforded sympathy when his sentence is announced? No. Should the morally repugnant member of the community be afforded kindness for his heinous behaviour? No. Then, neither shall you.
You are denied the accoutrements of the status of victim. You are the victim, absolutely but you will not wear that cloak. It does not even reach your shoulders as it does with the victim of the Lesser Narcissist. We forbid it coming anywhere near you. We are the supreme judge of your fate and we always apply the maxim of
‘commodum ex injuria sua nemo habere’
Did you not know that has been stitched into the lining of the Victim’s Cloak? Of course, this maxim is not applicable to us.
62 thoughts on “The Victim’s Cloak”
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‘commodum ex injuria sua nemo habere’ Clever HG. I want my stuff even more 🙂
My ex is a mid-range somatic/victim. When he would make me cry or upset me he would tell me to stop acting like a victim often. One day I told him that I had never seen myself as a victim. I often wondered why he would say that and if he felt like one himself.
Do these guys have any idea that they aren’t the victim?
I remember at one point before the discard when the midranger was moping around, depressed and aloof, I said “I want to remind you that if we break up, you are not the victim. I’m giving my all and you can’t pull yourself out of this pit to be a good partner”. He agreed with me! He also often take full responsibility for his failed marriage. Never once has blamed the ex wife for the divorce and he chronically cheated and got caught. But, he still makes her out to be nuts and wants sympathy for putting up with her (she may be a narc too I believe).
He is of course is the victim now, once I caught him with another woman… I’m the crazy one and he had to “live under my microscope” in our relationship. His latest was saying that he blocked me from his email as he didn’t want to be harassed anymore. Poor poor midranger baby. The ex husband is a victim midrange. He’s even worse. Gag.
I hate mid-range narcs.
And lesser narcs, even though they can be fun to play with. And some Greater narcs.
Pesky mids with their sob stories, pity parties and behind your back tactics. Even worse, they think they are the good guys. LOL
I am with you, Ava.
I find it interesting that both the empath and the narc are in effect victims….maybe that is the only thing that we truly have in common. (sorry HG…I know the word common is not a word that you would want to be associated with!!!) My point is this…..being an empath I can sniff out a victim that needs help within a 10 mile radius……I am starting to wonder if it is me seeking out these “victimised” narcs as opposed to them just seeing the empath in me……probably both……my only hope is moving to a deserted island and even then I bet a narc would get washed up there within the space of a week!!!!
After reading this post again, I must confirm how important and accurate this is. Seen it all my life, with family, friends, and ex-boyfriends. I won’t get started on the details, as the list is endless.
And this:
“He wants the Pity Party, the Commiseration Conference and the Sympathy Symposium. He is the victim don’t you know.”
Watched so often, and I dare say in direct proximity to this post, too.
Hmmm… I come forth with clean hands. Too bad that’s not the infamous cloak of invisibility so I can stfa from all narcissists. I’m sewing my cape though and should be able to fly soon. 🦋
Hi ABB,
Yes, I have my own type of cloak. It is funny, I was just referencing it to Windstorm and Twilight just prior to this post. It is my protective cloak. It is indigo (haha) with moonlight white around it. Before I get labeled Loony Tunes, it’s a visualization technique I use that helps me feel safe, stealthy and protect my energy from those that spill their negative energy everywhere. Plus, it keeps me out of notice, so that they do not see my energy. LOL What color will your cape be?
HG nailed it, as far as the Mid Ranger….exactly
I want a refund for bad sex. I’m a victim of bad narc sex (I am sorry but despite the intensity they are not good at making love. They let you drive, which is why you enjoy it. It’s on your terms because they have nothing to offer.)
My narcs had sex with me as though I was a series of parts that had arrived in a box and needed to be unwrapped and assembled. They were staged and mechanical. I never enjoyed it, just the ability to lead because I knew what to do.
I hate that you started out as a victim and then you collect victims. We all end up with the cloak.
I hope that you create so much awareness HG so that the repeated behaviors stop in some families.
I still have sympathy for my ex because above all else I wouldn’t want to live in her mind. She suffered enough and now she lives as she does.
Yes.. he was a “poor me” type.. all the woman I’ve ever meet had mistreated me … poor idiot and damn I fell for it! But to be honest he is miserable and a huge failure. A great “xxx” which is nobody and trying so hard to be big and famous .. but after so many failures and economical disasters… no matter how hard he tries it will fail. Sir instance now he is in major debt again… the IRS is on his case… debt collectors searching for money and he took his new supply to a fab holiday 😂😂😂😂. Oh well… I paid for our holidays so I don’t blame her .. but he is not smart nor able to hide his shit for much longer…
So please pity the poor man that robbed me and ruined me, made me homeless and in debt… I’m like fenix and has risen from the ashes while he is about to burn…
Feeling pretty darn good but at HG said … stop thinking about him … but is hard while being here on the blog..
Good night moon 🌙
Really hard to understand this logic!!!!After reading this article I would just answer back to the maxim stitched into the lining of the Victim’s Cloak: ” Ibi esse poenam ubi et noxa est”
There is nothing to understand … I had one of many miserable christmas days at the house of my sister, because they were in a very bad mood because someone had gotten a restraining order for my brother-in-law because he had emptied big trash cans onto someone’s lawn and followed her in his car, a direct neighbour of them. But for some reason, they (yes, both my sister and brother in law) were the victims and treated unfairly, and of course didn’t care about ruining christmas for the rest of us, either (not that I’ve ever had an un-ruined christmas with them).
Just one example …
Hello ava 101!
Thank you for your answer and for sharing with your example. I understand very well the victim role they take…
What I do not understand ( under my perspective as a non-narcissist) is how they see wearing the “Victim’s Cloack” as a profit or benefit?? And as far as I understand that is what the maxim written into the linen of the Victim’s Cloack means: ” commodum ex injuria sua nemo habere”
I ( personally) wouldn’t see it as a benefit!! My thoughts are on the same line as Windstorm’s 2.
This has made me think as well a lot about the following:
When speaking about abuse: who is the one that “commits ” the crime of abuse?
Is it the abuser who commits the crime of abusing and/ or the “victim” that stays knowing that she/he is abused? And I open with this statement a field of discussion.
In either case the punishment should go where the guilt is..
That is what I tried to express with the maxim:
” Ibi esse poenam ubi et noxa est”. “The punishment should be in the same place as the guilt ”
But,then I know that although the “higher schools” of narcissists know it…they will never accept it.
I hope that I have expressed myself clearly . It is sometimes difficult to express in written words what I really mean..
..I just want to clarify that from my own experience I do not see myself as a “victim”. I stayed with him ( for all the reasons that this site is teaching us) although I knew about his abusive behaviour until I realised that it was better for me to change my direction otherwise I will end up where I was heading.
My own personal opinion is that when you let yourself feeling like a “victim” you are granting your power away to someone else.
But they get a lot of energy from other people by playing the victim, drawing all kinds of empathy from them, helpful acts, attention, nurturing, orther advantages, etc. Plus they say that they are the better and superior people when they are the victim, good innocent sheep, morally superior, looking good.
Of course it is cynical in fact, abominable, abusive behaviour towards the real victim.
What scares me is the fact that some mid range narcs really seem to believe that they are the victim. !
Someone I met this year told me, oh, she was such a great empath, taking all emotions from others in, and that she had had an incident where she had been in an underground train when someone had thrown himself in front of the train, effectively killing himself. She claimed that an overwhelming cloud of dark energy had come over her from his suicide, that it had been too much for her – and that she had had to turn her feelings off then. That she had suffered for many weeks then. Mind you, she had not seen that person or anything nor known him. So, who was the victim here?
Why people don’t get out of an abusive situation is a wide field. It took me a while personally to learn about emotional abuse, and a lot longer again to learn about trauma bonding and addiction to dopamine release, and so on. (Even though I fought back from the beginning, but I did not go no contact at first). I can feel that chemical imbalance even today.
When the abuse is obvious, it is harder for me to understand, too, but the same reasons apply. But of course, the one who abuses is responsible and noone else. Being a victim and being traumatized means per se that something was done to someone that person had not asked for nor anticipated.
Unless someone is in fact asking for down-putting behaviour consciously, as obviously some masochistic people incl. some narc-types might be doing, then doubly “benefitting” from posing as the victim. I don’t think we really have to understand this, at least I don’t. 😉
Hello ava101.. I understand perfectly what you mean. Up to now their perspective ( through their logic) has been understandable to me learning how they function. What surprises me is the fact that even though they believe and feel superior they let themselves being seen as a victim since that means they are “giving their power away” to someone else. But then that is perhaps why the Greaters do not present themselves as the victims since it would be “below them” by giving this power over to someone else. But you are right: the Lessers and Midrangers wouldn’t mind doing so if that brings them “some” benefits according to their agenda. Thank you for sharing!
ava101
I think you just answered a question concerning HGs Latin quote. Since narcs like the attention they get from others when they (the narcs) are considered victims, also that some narcs even believe that they are often victims when they are not, then seeing someone else acknowledged as a victim triggers their envy.
Just like a narc hates whenever we win something or accomplish something praiseworthy and they then have to denigrate it and tear us down, they need to do the same thing when we are perceived as victims. It’s pathetic really. They so can’t stand to share the limelight, that they covert someone else’s victimhood – even when they don’t want to be seen as a victim themselves. It’s just uncontrollable envy.
* Victim’s Cloak*of course..not Cloack..
Superxena,
I do still feel like a victim, because I still can’t bring myself to want to go out there again, all I can think of is that I want to stay in bed, even though I know that it is my responsibility and noone else’s, but the c-ptsd is also still in effect, and I get incredibly exhausted because I can’t cope with any stress anymore. So when this happens, I feel like a victim very much, and I allow myself to see it that way, to be understanding and gentle with myself. That is no weakness to me.
I certainly did not build up my boundaries early enough and strong enough with my exnarc, but I also did not ask for being traumatized by him. Nor did I ask for my original trauma when I was a little child. Those are acts of violence, as much as someone sneaking up behind someone on the street and stabbing them down from behind. It did not see it coming and it was premeditated, planned cruelty towards me. I did not stay in contact to be abused again, – nor did you, I am sure you did a lot to change that dynamic.
There are people who say that noone can hurt you with words nor emotionally when you don’t let them but that is not true, and to me something only a narc could say (someone without empathy and without some of the emotions I have). To me, it is only true when someone would also not be affected by physical violence, never affected by anything anyone around him does.
ava101
I understand what you mean. We were “victims” by the dictionary definition as HG pointed out. And a lot of sayings about abuse not having the power to hurt us were surely started and spread by narcs. My most hated one is Nieche’s “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” what a load of crap! It may not kill you, but it can leave you mangled, broken, crippled for life and emotionally devastated!
What we can do is take charge of ourselves and our healing. A strong, confident person can be a “victim” of a car crash, but there is no stigma attached to them for this if they take charge of their injuries and work at healing and any needed therapy. We are the same way. It’s not having been a victim that is so negative. It’s remaining a victim that society pities and so damages our self-esteem.
I believe I know how you are feeling, Ava. You described how I felt for a long time. What helped me was consciously choosing to heal myself. Moving, setting my home up like I wanted it, focusing on building up my emotional strength, getting new hobbies. Really more than anything – deciding who I really wanted to be and focusing on becoming that person.
I believe that’s what HG has in mind with this blog, with his desire to weaponize empaths. If we keep reading, learning and actually transform our lives, that will be a big change he has made in the world.
We need to understand the past and we need to process and deal with the hurt, the injuries and the fears our past has caused in us. But we are no longer victims.
To follow up. I do not mean to criticize you at all! Maybe right now staying in bed is the best thing for you. There is no plan of recovery someone else devised that you must follow. You have to develop your own and in order to figure it out, you probably need a lot of down time where you just think and plan. Work thru your pain. Maybe study CPTSD and come up with things you can begin doing. Small steps but you will get there. ❤️
Superxena:
Yes, I understand Greaters much better than mid rangers, too.
My exnarc would never want to be seen as a victim, a recall an incident to that effect and he vehemently pushed away any notion that he could ever be regared as a type of victim.
Windstorm:
Oh, yes, the envy, that’s right!! It is the same pattern, as when one is sick, and the narc suddenly finds that he has a severe condition that requires immediate attention.
Hello ava101
Thank you for sharing! And I agree with you that it takes too much trying to change this dynamics of entanglement with them. I do not know much about your story and as I have stated many times before I went through hell back and forth. It was not easy. And I agree with you , neither you nor me asked for it. We were conned in believing their façade and when one realises it…it is too late: the damaged was done and you find yourself hooked in the addiction. That I have experienced as well and have struggled to end it up.
One thing that helped me a lot was when I realised that if I allowed to let myself feeling a ” victim” I was still giving him the power over me. The only way of changing this was gaining again the power over myself and working actively to get rid of the addiction. NOT an easy task…still working on it sometimes.But just the knowledge that I could win back the power to me and HOW to do it ( mainly through this site and HG’s books) has helped me a lot. And yes, the symptoms of CPTSD have to be taken seriously and if needed seek professional help to work with them.
I have full respect for other’s journey regarding abuse…I am just telling you what has helped me in my journey..
Thank you again for sharing!
Thank you so much Windstorm, also especially for understanding why I hate those wise sayings so much!
I had postet Camus’ version of “whatever does not kill me …” under “But”. 😉
I am well aware of my own responsibility and I’ve done all that. It’s just that it’s exhausting for me, also disappointing when I do go out to meet new people and have to deal with narc traits again. It’s part of life to deal with it, I guess, but my coping capabilities are simply reduced, also my health and overall energy. I can’t muster up the will to decide AGAIN to become healthy, and fit. The stress levels I’ve head for years, have effected my whole system. And it does make me angry that I have to deal with that at all, I shouldn’t have to! So, when I hear narcs say that I have no reason to feel that way (and I have heard that from my exnarc who doesn’t do “stress”, his leutenant whom I had considered my friend, from other friends and family,….), it makes me angry.
It’s a long way I guess, a lot to take in and to process. It was clear to me in november (when I found this blog) that my exnarc is what he is, and I had learned through him about my father. But I’ve just been learning now about the other narcs in my life since then, and the impact they’ve had on all levels, all the false notions I’ve had and wrong beliefs about myself, all the set-backs and financial problems. It is a lot to reorganise and bring in (new) order.
I am also very proud of myself, if I may say so, and I have done a lot while under the impact of my exnarc, I even travelled as far as India to finally do a meditation teacher training, also went to London for other trainings, etc. Unfortunately I became ill since India, for 2,5 years now, which is just a fact, and another thing to deal with. And believe me, none of those trainings were full of nice empaths …
When I decide to see my narc-mother now and one of my other ex-boyfriends whom I now believe to be a narc, too, I know it’s my own responsibility to deal with their narc ways – or not see them (oh, yes, my mother is such a victim now for not being invited back into my apartment after her behaviour the last time). But in other social groupings and professional settings, it’s … well, just exhausting to me, to repeat myself.
I know what you mean Superxena, about giving one’s power up. We are responsible for ourselves, of course. I just wanted to say that the violence and the consequences are not our fault, no matter what.
Well, it’s complicated. 😉
But you state one very important thing, even though it sounds so simple: As with all experiences – It has happened already, when one realizes about the abuse. One cannot know beforehand and then it’s too late. And then follows the “usual” confusion, hope, non-belief, wanting to go back, ups and downs, … .
I have done a lot about the c-ptsd and it’s much much better. But I can’t cope with stress and my will power is gone (most of the time).
Windstorm, I just wanted to add: the difference between PTSD after a car crash and C-PTSD is of course the repeated trauma over a long period. I’ve been going around in circles for decades, and I’m simply tired of fighting. With the realization of so many things now, the effect of those decades hasn’t vanished, unfortunately. You must have grown up with the same permanently hightened stress level, constant fear, as I have? It has all left its mark.
Ava 101
“Permanently heightened stress level and constant fear.” Absolutely! That describes my reality. And I will be the first to admit I don’t understand all about how the abuse has affected me. I was reading someone’s comment earlier about verbal abuse and I remembered being taught that there was no such thing as verbal or emotional abuse. I was taught that I was weak and defective and grew up believing that. I’m learning differently now, but things still keep popping up here on the blog that shock me when I realize that I’ve had that happen to me too, maybe for years.
I grew up thinking narcs were the normal people and that all families and marriages were the same as narc ones. It was just me that wasn’t strong enough to deal with real life. Intellectually I now know that is not so, but I doubt I can ever be “normal.” I still feel tired, broken and fearful like you describe a lot of the time. It is better than it used to be though. Maybe that’s the best we can expect, if everything keeps getting a little better and better albeit slowly.
Sharing and supporting each other here on the blog like this is very helpful for me. Thank you again, HG, for letting us talk and share with one another here.
You are welcome WS2
Hello ava101!
I totally agree with you: the violence and the abuse you were submitted to was not your fault! Although the power of leaving when you start feeling in your guts that is not good for you and letting it go resides in you.Very hard to gain it ( your power ) back..but you will find that you finally will achieve it. It will take time,but every little step moving forward is a step closer to your goal.
I hope you feel better knowing that you are actively working with the c-ptsd symptoms…not an easy task.
Best wishes
My dear narcissist…….that “victims cloak” has your name written all over it……because you too, are a victim of your own circumstances…….spoken like the true empath that I am!!!!!
I was just going to say that diva. The narcissist is the victim and projects all their shame, hurt and dysfunction onto their victim making them in essence a version of the narcs inner self. You want others to feel what youve hidden so well from yourself. You create a victim like your parent created in you. No one comes out the winner.
Narc Affair
When it’s put that way it makes so much more sense. 🙁
Jody allen…this very thought i posted hit me the other day after watching a utubers vid. She was describing how she was before she left and i was like thats how her narc is internally. The narcs hide their damaged selves and project all they hide onto their victims. They are the doers not the done to yet theyve already been ” done to” in the most awful way. They are repeating the cycle. I think its a common theme in life that cycles are repeated and keep coming up until we break them and learn from them. I tried to hide the pain from my relationship with my mother and got involved with someone very similiar to her. Im meant to learn from this on my life journey.
YES!!! I love it!
I will never get over the mid rangers.
HG: that also means that they don’t accept that someone is a victim in another context, when not their own victim, either, am I right?
You are correct.
Thank you. That explains a lot.
All those tiny puzzle pieces of traits, attitutes, behaviours, etc., that I’d never have thought of.
Spot on.
Victim escapes and he’s left inconvenienced.
*plays world’s smallest violin*
Really digging the new material, Mr. Tudor.
And the song playing is “My Heart Pumps Piss For You”.
Such a good song for the ones who do bad things.
How fitting. I saw my ex mid ranger today. I was about to turn the corner and walk toward that way before I sighted him. I turned back around, contemplated taking the alley but said no, I won’t run away. Instead I walked across the street, head held high and completely ignored him as I passed by. Your words played in my mind. He would feel nothing but self pity because HE is always the victim. Everyone does him wrong. Boo hoo hoo.
Good for you Love!!!!!! I’m sooo proud of you.
That would have been extremely difficult for me.
What an achievement. Did he say anything to you?
Thanks Snow! Luckily I was on the other side of the street. Lol baby steps… But getting there.
Every step counts Love!!! Beautiful picture.
Thanks Snow! Hugs and kisses
Yayyyyy Love!! You are continuing to shine in your growth!!
Hi Snow! How are you this summer?
Lol thanks Indy. Though I don’t quite deserve an award because I crossed the street instead of walking near him. I passed by him but at a safe 50 ft distance 😁
It was still baby steps in the right direction! Proud of you! 👏
Thank you ❤
Stunning new picture Love!!
Thanks Clarece! I was having fun with Crayola 😁
Love,
It is true, being able to walk by with head held high and ignoring is a big step. It was brave and you have no fuel!!! When I THOUGHT I saw my ex in a store a month or so back, I dived behind store items and looked quite funny to the store clerk. She laughed…I avoided the person and that was good as I was avoiding a sphere of influence (he would have hoovered if he saw me), but my panic and fear was palpable. You did it with beautiful dignity!! Woot woot!
Lolol Indy! Yes, I bet we all look quite funny in that moment. I might have circled around myself for a half a minute before deciding what to do. I don’t have the quick calculating mind of a narc. Their ninja skills are a huge asset. Thank you for the kind words. 💜
Thank you Indy for your kind words. 💜 I am sure we look very funny in the moment! I believe I circled around myself for half a minute before deciding what to do. That’s when a narcs quick calculating ninja skills come in handy.
You inspired me Love. I refreshed my pic too!
Hello Indy!!!
I’m trying to heal my body with your recommended book. Lol…. it’s very accurate so far.
Just went to a new orthopedic and he found three bone bruises and three stretched ligaments. They put me in a walking air cast boot. Ugh!!!!
I’m still at the gym and went back to upper body training yesterday. That at least boosted my spirits.
I hit the end of the road with my son’s fight. Unless I want to spend thousands. Seeing the other win again brings out all sorts of emotions and I’m afraid in a few weeks when I need to get him ready for a whole new routine I’m the one who’s going to be struggling with everything.
But my ex is off celebrating her one year anniversary and wonderful life so she has left me alone. Lol
What have you been doing?
Any traveling?
Wtg love!! Every step forward is that much closer…
Thanks Narc Affair
Which one would more likely tell you that you are “being a victim” so continuously that you completely abhor the word and deny ever thinking of being a victim?
Mid Range.
Only a narc could think it’s an advantage or profit to be a victim