Poll : How Did You First Find Out About Narcissism?
Hello, this time I would like you to share your experience of how you first came to know about narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder. Did you happen to know about the disorder prior to your entanglement with one of our kind? Did you talk to someone about the odd behaviours you were experiencing with your intimate partner or family member and they suggested what that person may well be? Perhaps you could not work out why you get receiving silent treatments or why your brother went into sudden rages and your internet research eventually brought you to the door of narcissism.
Thereafter you will no doubt have filled your boots reading, watching and learning from various sources, but that is for a different poll. Today is about what caused that light bulb to switch on that very first time?
Please do expand on your experience and perhaps include where you went down the wrong route before learning the reality, in the comment section.
Thank you for participating.
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I Googled “Abuse”
I immediately found HG for the first time.
I then understood EVERYTHING!
I dont think I stopped reading for 3 days!
I cannot thank you, HG, enough!!!
I found you barely in time.
I truly believe he’s the only reason
I’m alive today. I was lucky enough to find HG TUDOR & a year later I still think he’s God. Reading his blog was the best thing I could ever do to help myself out of the situation I was in. I think HG deserves The Nobel Prize for the work hes doing,
I know he saved my life & every chance I get, I tell people about him, hoping to bring light & life back for those still lost, dying in the dark 😘
HG YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!
I cannot disagree. Thank you for your kind comments. You will find freedom here and thank you for spreading the word.
Happy you are doing much better. I share your sentiments, of course I don’t think he’s God. I think there’s a karmic debt to be paid to the universe for some of our misdeeds and I am sure God is pleased with him. I am not sure if I would still be alive if it wasn’t for HG. He help guide me through the emotional sea and I will be forever grateful.
Spread the word on social media accounts. Each one…reach one.
Continued Healing
Dear MLA-Clarece, thank you, too, very much. I don´t know what to say. I feel very spoiled.
Oh, thank you very much, Mr. Tudor!
I had no idea what happened when a narc I dated for 5 months suddenly stopped returning my calls and texts after having professed his undying love for me, planning exotic trips together through the remainder of the year, etc., etc. ad nauseam… There was a confluence of events that gave me enough insight to pause and do nothing for a few days, which made all of the difference in what came next. Those events: (1) a dear friend called me to tell me she saw his profile on a dating site and his photos were of us with me cropped off! (2) I reached out to a relative of his to ask if he was ok (meaning his mental health) and she filled in a lot of details about his former relationships that he had carefully omitted – and it made me sick (3) I had a close group of friends who told me that they saw the narc change and even saw his eyes go dark and they wanted me to stay away from him. I remember being in the pain of cognitive dissonance in a way I’d never experienced. I consulted the world wide web where all truths are unleashed with the right search terms, of course. I believe I searched “boyfriend abruptly ends serious relationship without cause personality disorder” and got to HG Tudor. I became so fascinated with a world I didn’t know existed that your writings, Mr. Tudor, became the salve to what ailed me. Whenever I thought about contacting him, I’d pull up your posts. Thank you for that touchstone which keeps me in the road with men I date and continues to anoint me with patience to hear their words but wait to see action over time. I don’t care why you do this, I care that you are creating a legacy that you may not be able to comprehend, which is underscored by the 60 percent of respondents who searched the internet to find answers no one but you provide.
You are welcome Onlynow, you are using my material in the correct way.
I was together with the dad of my daughter a few years before she was born. When she was two years old I left him with her. The reason was that I couldn´t stand it any more that he did not understand what I was saying. It was as if I spoke a different language.
I tried to explain to him how I perceive his behaviour, how mean and back-stabbing he is, how obvious his lies are as if they were no lies for him. The only thing he always did then was to be absolutely silent (also when he sat vis a vis to me in such a moment). He was and is not able to argue with me. Instead of that he did (after I critisized him) mean things to my family or to our daughter.
I didn´t want my daughter to become like I was then. She should not need unconsciously such ill structures that I apparently needed in a relationship. I went to a psychologist. We talked about antisocial behaviour and then, when I told her about my family and the dad of my daughter more detailed, she made me acquainted with the narcissistic personality disorder.
To tell a long story short 🙂 My mother has that disorder as heavily as the dad of my daughter has it.
It took years that the knot in my brain wasn´t there any more that I felt when I was thinking about that it never will be possible that the both of them understand that there are good social mechanisms lacking in them, but the evil ones are perfectly build.
Dontmentionthewar
What a beautiful and unselfish thing you did for your daughter in identifying that what you may accept for yourself was not a healthy environment for her and removing both her and yourself from that situation. You are right that she should not be exposed to that and seeing the strength in her Mother will help her more than you know. You are what I believe a true Mother to be. That being that you do not cease to be a person with needs yourself, but you have accepted the responsibility to deliver your child to adulthood with truly the very best you have to offer for their needs and not just what you have leftover after serving your own. Bravo.
Dear NarcAngel, I read your words only now. Thank you so much! I will honestly never forget them. They are something special for me.
Especially at the moment you did me very good with that. I stopped talking completely with my mother after a short conversation last Saturday about the father of my daughter. She said literally we (my daughter and me) both deserve that he doesn´t care for and about her because we refuse him. And she knows everything he also did to my daughter, her grandchild.
She is 86 years old, has still a sharp mind, but can not walk any more. She lacks nothing regarding finances, care and social contacts.
I told her when I visited her last Saturday that I will never talk with her again because she does the opposite of what parents have to do. She only said bye bye and called days later, but I did not pick up the phone and will not.
A week before that conversation I started reading here on Mr. Tudors site and listening to his videos. I know since a long time that my mother and the dad of my daughter have a narcissistic personality disorder, but Dear Mr. Tudor, they are never ever as intelligent as you. In the therapy the psychologist said so often the sentence to me “No, he will not understand that. He is not able to”. So I had the feeling I am thinking against a wall. I sat so many times in the dark on my terrace, imagined conversations with the dad of my daughter, trying to find a way that he would understand my words or that I could get at least a tiny little sign of that he had understood. I only imagined that again and again. It was hard to deal with it that you have to accept that there will never be a progress outside of this imagining 🙂
Through what you have created, Mr. Tudor, I have the feeling I can communicate with the Narcissism (not with “my both narcissists” because they are unaware) and that helps a lot. Thank you very, very much.
Thank you and my compliments on your English.
I applaud your strength so much in walking away and tackling being a single mom. I know! I cherish my daughter so much though and they become very perceptive very young. You will be an outstanding role model for her. Keep the toxic people at bay.
Oh, NarcAngel, I forgot to say that I am DontMentionTheWar. I only signed in today in a Gravatar account and had to change my username 🙂
HD how did you find out what you are? Did you seek therapy and then find out or did you know by researching or did someone point it out?
Hello Mel, I always knew I was special and different. A psychology graduate IPPS told me what she believed I was. I rejected what she said but then went and read up on what she had said and I could see some force in her observations. I have learnt more about what I am through the therapy I have engaged in.
Got a thing for people in the mental health profession? Lol
Where is this chick now?
She works in child protection services in a major British city.
Does your voice go into super villain mode during devaluation?
Bwa-ha-ha-ha.
And I twirl my moustache as the damsel in distress lies there tied to the railway track.
Hahahaha!! Too funny!
😄I knew it!!!
😎 ( can’t find am emoji with a moustache…)
Something tells me it’s more of a menacing gravelly tone almost in a whisper to let the other person know they are truly F*cked.
I have to remind myself that “It’s none of my business” usually if I say this to myself several times it will calm the emotions down and the need to ask questions will subside…yes, it kills me..but it will inevitably happen and I have to prepare for that.
How funny the girl (and I do say girl, because she is about 20+ years younger than him with small kids) is the same girl that he was talking so much crap about every time he opened his FB page, she’s an ex to one of his “friends”. Even funnier that she is liking all the pics that I posted of him over the years..
This one will not last for long..he cannot even handle the nearly grown kids he has now, he knows that. It still hurts, though.
After multiple cruel Silent Treatments over a 10 yr period, I finally googled it and psychological abuse came up.. full Narcissist to the core… still can’t believe what you arseholes do!!
I was searching for answers with regards to my mother’s constant lying. She can, and frequently does, contradict herself from one sentence to the next. That led me to the topic of narcissism, then covert (playing the constant victim) narcissism. Finding this blog, and reading many of the posts, has confirmed my suspicions 100%.
The first time I searched for answers online I was trying to figure out what it means when yoyr girlfriend keeps breaking up with you. Bipolar disorder and borderline disorder came up, and were red herrings. It wasnt until I searched for brainwashing that I read my first ‘relationship with a narc’ article and everything clicked. Unfortunately, that was 7 horrible months later.
Can’t believe this whole age thing is still going on !! All because of poor little Courage the Dog
Balls to Courage, Eustace was the main draw
The writing was definately on the wall HG with your taste in cartoon characters the charming delightful Eustace
I cant answer the why’s. You are loved and your right you deserve it. As for your question regarding me being ensnared as a adult yes,yes I was.
I know that spirit was left on me because of the subsequent abuse. A few years ago, I went in for preop check up an P.A. ask me to open my legs I ask for what he said he needed to take my pulse I laid there and he stuck that cold stethoscope between my legs near my garden and took my pulse.
Afterwards, he asked me to sit up ans he was going to call an medical assistant in before he did my breast exam. Wth..
I have had countless incidents including being rape twice while in relationships. I know it’s a spirit Jezebel or leviathian or both.
No dramatic story of soul-searching here. 🙂 I discovered that narcissism exists while streaming an episode of Criminal Minds a few years ago.
How did you find out about narcissism, HG? And how did you find out that it applied to you?
A former IPPS told me.
That’s very interesting. I don’t know why I thought you have would have just instinctively known without someone else pointing it out to you.
The fact an ipps told you you were narcissistic is an eye opener to me bc i feel it is important to let the narcs in our lives know if we do end up escaping. While youre in the relationship not so good an idea bc a) they can learn about it and up their game or b) they can really go maskless and create hell bc they know you know or c) they deny it and turn into worse douchebags.
If your ipps didnt tell you imagine none if this your blogs, books etc would probably be here. She did us a favor. I think that speaks volumes that it is important to let the narc know if you leave them.
Well, this may be just a sign of my being a Millennial…but no dramatic story here. I learned that narcissism exists while streaming an episode of Criminal Minds a few years ago. 🙂
Correction. A person or individual can assume or interpret ones intentions negatively. Although, that may not be the case.
Yes HG could be fibbing anything to put us off the scent !!
I have no need to fib.
Hmmm….that’s a play of words. You may have no need but that doesn’t mean you haven’t if it involves protecting your identity.
Incorrect, my dear Clarece. No fibs told here. I have not lied about my age for example but I have not provided the exact age because of the need to protect my identity. I can both protect my identity and not lie, I just do not tell everything about me. That is not lying.
Both the lies and the truth has become mirrored images of each other.
His responses have enough truth to satisfy those that would beleive him if he said he was Prince Harry without admitting contradiction.
His purpose is to persuade them that continues to question the authenticity of his responses on the blog or Facebook.
I am not concerned about HG as a person, noun, or thing. He’s extremely effective in the work he’s doing on this blog, hundreds of people don’t feel the need to comment or ask questions. He’s always giving us open book test it’s up to us to pass or fail.
HG, No offense was meant towards you. It’s hard for me at times to convey my thoughts clearly it’s a side affect from one of my medications.
No offence taken Yolo, you are always welcome to express your opinion.
I will correct inaccuracies about me, but it is not a condition to like me to utilise my work.
You are correct – there are thousands who come here, use the material and do not need to comment, that is their right. Others of course wish to engage, learn more through interaction and so forth and that is their right also.
My comment was that of one size dont fit all. Those that don’t engage or interact doesn’t mean they are not achieving there desired goals. We all have different learning styles and personality types. I know you are aware of that. 😊
According to assessment my personality type is INFJ. ( not to with confuse w/ disorder).
HG, would a person with NPD take a assessment to discern there personality type or be dismissive?
Be dismissive. I commented on this some time ago whereby one can read the descriptions attributed to MB two differing ways, dependent on perspective.
I noticed my narcissist doing this a lot , telling the truth but leaving out lots of details therefore it is a lie because he doesn’t give the whole picture. For example his girlfriend left him he’s heart broken . End of the story lol. You have legitimate reasons to withhold information due to your identity although it’s a mystery to me how no one recognises you on you tube and live feeds ( voice ) or that none of your victims haven’t stumbled across this blog and you tube
Naturally it is a mystery to you Lisa because you are not me.
On the subject of lying…….I remember saying to my narc……I know you are lying because you are still breathing!!!!!! Cruel but fair……….
A coworker made a comment about it and I started looking into it. Found HG Tudor on you tube and have been listening everyday. My eyes have been opened!!!!!! Thank you
Pleasure Toni.