Mind Games – Part One

mind

 

We love to conquer. Nowhere is off limits to our kind. Your mind is no exception to that mentality. The repeated application of mind games and the impact this had are both consequence which live long in the memory of those who have experienced them as a consequence of being entangled with us. I repeatedly state that the games are always being played. I doubt few would disagree with that statement. You ought to be aware however that the deployment of mind games, whilst always a factor in the narcissistic relationship, is not as deliberate as you may first imagine. In the case of the Lesser Narcissist, the mind games are collateral. They are a consequence of his instinctive behaviours, his reactions and pre-determined methodologies. He lacks the cognitive function to engage in the purposeful mental torment, but instead what arises as mind games is side-effect of the way that he behaves. As for the Mid-Range, well the application of mind games will sometimes manifest as deliberate but for the most part, he is similar to the Lesser and that these mind games occur as a consequence of the way he is engineered to think and to behave. It is with the Greater where the true twisted behaviour manifests as not only are the mind games a consequence of what we do, we also purposefully engage in them because we know how effective they are at achieving what we want and also because we are excellent at deploying them.

The imposition of bewilderment on a shattered and exhausted mind possesses a deftness of touch which is far superior to the brutish application of a fist to a cheek. The conjuring of confusion from the use of words alone is a highlight of the Greater’s manipulative repertoire. Accordingly, the mind games which arise from entanglement with a Lesser or a Mid-Range arise because of the various defence mechanisms those types of narcissist deploy. The Greater regards the playing of mind games as an essential part of the narcissistic relationship, one which is considered noble, important and a hallmark of his sophisticated abuse.

These mind games are varied and effective. Anybody who has been on the receiving end of them will testify as to the horrible impact that they have in creating doubt, fear, worry, anxiety, submission and a sense of helplessness. What are some of these mind games?

  1. Second Guessing. The act of making you forget about your own needs because you are conditioned to think about our needs first in order to avoid some dreadful repercussion if you do not so. You apply your mind over and over to assessing the situation and trying to gauge how you should respond, what you should do next, what you should organise, how you should look, how you should behave in order to avoid some other abuse.
  2. Pre-occupation. By making ourselves so central to your existence and the only thing which matters you find that you are always wondering about us. What are we doing right now? Who are we with? What are we doing? This does not necessarily occur just in the devaluation. As the seeds of addiction are sown during the seduction, you find your mind is focused on us more and more. This is the laying of the groundwork to have you forget about your own needs and indeed who you are as the focus of your attention becomes all about us.
  3. Mirroring. We convince you that you are falling in love with the most wonderful and fantastic person you have ever met. This is achieved by mirroring what you want in the object of your affection. By meeting this need on so many different fronts, you become helpless to falling in love with what you believe us to be.
  4. Obsessing. By engaging in the vague, the vapid and the amorphous we have you start obsessing over us. Once again the focus moves on to us as you ask yourself what did he mean by that comment? Why is he late? Why did he just do that? You look for clues which are non-existent and seek answers which are not there, reading too much into what are often innocuous scenarios.
  5. Gas Lighting. The infamous act of causing you to doubt your own reality and is invariably the cumulative effect of many different types of mind game. You end up doubting yourself and accepting our false reality as the true reality instead.
  6. Jettison. The act of having you think that you are about to be discarded. Comments will be made which suggest that we are dissatisfied with you, that we are tired of you and that we have interests elsewhere. Nothing is said outright, there is nothing concrete, but the signs are there that you are going to be discarded. Aren’t they?
  7. Jealousy. “But she is just a friend.” “How can I be having an affair when we only meet during daylight.” “You are reading too much into it.” The appearance of somebody who we talk about a lot, spend time with and appear to admire is designed to bring about jealousy in you and undermine your self-confidence.
  8. Mea Culpa. The complexity and absurdity of our behaviour means that you are unable to fathom out what is actually going on. This results in you needing to find some kind of answer in order to give you piece of mind and therefore since you have no ground to question us, you decide you must be at fault and being to blame yourself. After all, nobody gets furious for no obvious reason do they? You must have done something wrong to provoke us. It is your fault.
  9. Projection. The intentional movement of our faults and unpleasant behaviours from us to you. The accusation that you engage in the very behaviour which we undertake ourself.
  10. Character Assassination. The unmerited and savage attack on you, criticising you for any number of things; how you walk, how you talk, your hair colour, who your friends are; how you made the coffee this morning. Anything and everything about you will be attacked even though you cannot see the basis of doing so.
  11. Blame-Shifting. The defensive step of ensuring that we are never to blame or held accountable. Anything that goes wrong, any incorrect behaviour, any mishap is all down to you. You caused it, you brought it about, you made it happen. Even though you cannot see any factual basis for the accusation that has been flung your way, this will not stop it happening.
  12. Authoritative Denial. We do not just deny, we deny with such conviction, determination and authority that surely only someone who does this is someone who has to be right, yes?
  13. Gaseous Smear Campaigns. You are being spoken about, whispered about and slurs cast against your name, at least you think that is the case. You seem to be receiving strange glances and hear snickering when you walk by certain people, but you never hear anything concrete or certain. You might be mis-hearing, you might be mis-reading, it may just be paranoia. Trying to work out if you are being smeared is like trying to catch a gas with your bare hands.
  14. Silent Treatments. The staple of the narcissistic arsenal. Why is he silent? Why has he vanished? What have you done wrong? When will he speak to me again?
  15. Double Standards. We are so pleasant and wonderful to everybody else. People speak so highly of us, yet when the front door is closed we turn into a monster with you. Is it real? Perhaps you are taking it out of context and exaggerating or maybe you are doing something which causes this to happen and nobody else does?
  16. Amnesia. We deny having ever done something or said something even though you are positive, well fairly certain, okay, at least reasonably sure, we did say it. It works both ways as we accuse you of having a faulty memory as we tell you we told you last week we would be going out tonight, why can you not remember these things? Are you doing it in order to annoy us? Of course you are.
  17. Losing Your Mind. We label you as crazy, unhinged, a maniac who is need of help. Good Lord, everybody thinks it of you and we are a saint for putting up with this behaviour for so long. We tell you often, arrange for you to get help, see a doctor or a therapist and accompany you to explain to them how you are losing your marbles. Are we making all of this up in order to disturb you further, or then again, might you just be losing your mind after enduring all of this?
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18 thoughts on “Mind Games – Part One”

  1. The minute they say ‘you’re crazy’ is when you and they know their game is up, and you’ve seen right through them. Mine actually said to me that I was clever, only for me to say to not underestimate me. But to play the ‘game’ with, and outsmart them can be dangerous. You have totally detach emotionally.

    1. Healing girl

      I found mid-rangers will back away from the word crazy in case it comes back in their direction. In one text conversation the N wrote a bunch of stuff and then just the word Crazy. I asked if that was a confession. He replied: well no, I dont say either of us is crazy but just this situation. I know he was pointing it at me to test me but backed off when I suggested it could be attributed to him. Also after some word salad from another I responded: That makes no sense-read it back. Your crazy is showing and you might want to tuck that back in. He responded: not crazy. Im just tired. Neither of them used that word again though.

  2. Going out the Door..my GN told me he labeled My Contact on his phone “Fruit Loops”…
    I told him back his was labeled “Don’t Response to a Stupid Asshole”.

  3. 2. pre-occupation: during devaluation my MMRN said, “I have needs.” And I responded with a hollow laugh (which I would later read about in The Empath’s Riposte Grenades) and I said, “Ha! YOU have needs!” Followed by more hollow laughter. He never forgot that and would bring it up occasionally.
    10. Character Ass.: the complaint about how coffee was made happened just like you wrote.
    16. Amnesia: My MMRN called me Dory from Finding Nemo because my memory was so bad. So I responded by speaking whale. (If you have not seen the movie, Dory claims that she can speak whale and then she starts to make whale sounds) Then I would laugh after speaking whale.
    17. No wonder I was “bi-polar”, needed meds and a therapist, according to him. All his narc Mind games!

    1. Hahahaha “speaking whale“, you crack me up!

      And I received the coffee remark too. HG really describes narcs to a T.

      It is weird that narcs are so narcissistic that they are even narcissistic in the really small things.

      It makes me wonder: what part of a narc is still authentic?

      Are there any likes or dislike left that are really theirs HG? Like their taste in movies, music, books etc?

      I know it’s a little off topic here, but I’d really appreciate an aswer, because this one has been puzzling me for ages.

      1. Iris
        I became fluent in whale; it was quite funny. HG most certainly knows his kind very well. They are Shapeshifters and will morph into or do anything for the Prime Aims: fuel, traits and residual benefits.

  4. Ain’t that the truth! I know what happened, not why, but through help from HG what he his and why he behaved as he did. Some of my head understands this. Some of my head still can’t believe that someone I trusted so much and thought I knew quite well could be completely false. It’s like I still have a woolly blanket over part of my brain! HG your posts remind me I’m not going mad! 🙂

      1. HG
        I have another question for you…if that’s ok?
        Suppose a narc is in a social setting: a venue that he/she frequents. Over time, the narc has created a coterie of followers (or friends) around him that are secondary sources of fuel. Now, suppose that a newcomer appears on the scene who is interacting with the narc’s coterie but, the narc senses that this newcomer would not be a good source of secondary fuel, and may not be so malleable/manageable by the narc as the others are.

        a) Would the narc do all he could to have the newcomer excluded from the coterie? Or, b) Would the narc carry on as normal and not be bothered about a non-source of fuel being included?

    1. He did all described above. Always stating “he’s the real deal” reality is he is FAKE! All was FAKE. Makes me sick. I always new when a “lay- off” was coming, someone else was intriging, and he had to get rid of me.

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