30 Shards of Ice



Words are our weapons. Easy to use, low in energy expenditure but with such potential. The capacity to charm, to flatter, to instil joy, to create desire, love and passion, to engender affection and much more besides. Words can be used to soothe, to convince, to persuade and to calm. Those words can also hurt, upset, annoy and frustrate. Cutting comments, acidic accusations and pernicious put-downs. The greater of our kind show particular ingenuity in assembling those savage sentences which cause despair and generate misery for the recipient. We adopt a considered approach in respect of the uttering of these barbed comments.

  1. They will be reserved most often for strangers and minions in order to reinforce our superiority and to show off in front of you, our primary source. We have no façade to maintain with the newspaper vendor, the waitress or the driver of another car. They will suffer the caustic words to allow the provision of fuel to us by their shocked and upset reaction and also from you by reason of your admiration at our masterful handling of the incompetent person serving us.
  2. Those who form the façade rarely receive the lash of our tongue unless they deceive us and become treacherous. For the most part those people will only ever experience the pouring of honey in their ears and the sugar-coated pleasantries which are designed to keep the loyal to us and to maintain the façade to our benefit.
  3. The worst of these comments is directed at you as our primary source of fuel. The issuing of nasty, malevolent and hurtful comments will be saved for you during devaluation for the purposes of causing the maximum provision of fuel and the assertion of our control. Slurs about your life, your appearance, your family, your interests, your job and your friends will be routinely hurled at you. This will happen repeatedly, like a machine gun firing our bilious bullets towards you. We also like to wield a show stopper of a comment, a particularly chilling comment which is designed to drive a shard of ice through your heart. The type of comment which leaves you in a stunned silence at the malice it contains. The nature of the comment leaves you horrified that somebody would say that to you, somebody who is meant to love and cherish you, somebody who once said the most wonderful things to you (and will do so again in about a week as the rollercoaster ride gets into its stride). These comments are designed to deliver maximum hurt, total upset and have that negative fuel pouring from you. They may leave you stunned, sickened, frightened and anxious, they will chill you to the core but our kind will always deliver them because words are our weapons. Here are thirty icy shards which are driven through your hearts.
  1. I will always be in your head and your heart. You will never ever escape me.
  2. I will not stop. Ever.
  3. You know, I thought about your funeral before and it troubled me. It troubled me because I would no longer be able to punish you.
  4. Nobody likes you, that is why your dad left you, you know. Nobody else will say it but I will.
  5. I hope it takes years of therapy to sort you out.
  6. You think this is bad? This is nothing. I am just getting started.
  7. I always know where you are.
  8. You are my puppet and I will never cut the strings.
  9. I know everything about you. Remember that.
  10. It’s strange what can happen when you are asleep.
  11. No matter how far you go I will always find you, because I own you.
  12. I only chose you because I felt sorry for you.
  13. You have no idea what is going through my mind right now have you? But I know exactly what you are thinking.
  14. Go on scream, nobody is listening.
  15. You are not a person to me.
  16. I’ve caressed you. Now I am going to crush you.
  17. Just think, you have already had the happiest moment in your life.
  18. You have told me all your secrets. Remember that.
  19. I’m diseased and I’ve infected every part of you.
  20. Nobody will ever believe what you say.
  21. I’m the permanent reminder of all the things you want to forget.
  22. I will teach our children to hate you.
  23. I’m going to show you what loneliness really is.
  24. This is happening because you are a bad person.
  25. I need to cleanse you and I will not stop until it is done.
  26. When you close your eyes you will only ever see my face.
  27. I will never let you go.
  28. I will never put you out of your misery.
  29. I hate her because she reminds me too much of you.
  30. This is what will happen for the rest of your life.

There are many more, but what have you been told which has stopped you in your tracks and sent a chill through you?

42 thoughts on “30 Shards of Ice

  1. Diva says:

    I never really had much of this kind of treatment thankfully……maybe the narcs I knew, knew that I would not tolerate it or that I am too thick skinned for it to have any real effect…..maybe I was never devalued in this manner…I don’t really know……in any case I escaped and went no contact and although I remember threats to commit suicide themselves….there was no mention of killing me…..but there is a saying here…..”you can’t kill a bad thing”…..so I guess I am covered. I do recall the midrange stating something like “I am glad your ex partner died so that he no longer has to put up with you.” Although this was texted after I had made a funny, if not a little sarcastic comment to him. I thought at the time that his response was completely inappropriate and mean but I didn’t even respond back to him. I am guessing now that I had wounded him in some way with my initial comment that I had thought was funny and he obviously took it to his black heart……..Diva

  2. C★ says:

    #14 “Go on scream, nobody is listening”….. still triggers panic attacks remembering those occasions..On some occasions, my mouth was duck taped….

  3. thepianist20 says:

    So to truly get over you, then understanding you is the key!

    I see…

  4. Lisa says:

    I dont want to remember the things tHiNg said. None. BUT, the one I will never forgive was after being dianosed with something. He litteraly said in a ha ha voice “so youre gunna die before me,ee”
    In a sing song sort of way. Who says that?!

    1. NarcAngel says:


      A sick childish prick afraid of his own death.

      1. Rhyming Fun says:

        Yes, NarcAngel ..plus what you said rhymes, “sick prick” 🙂

      2. Lisa says:

        Thank you NA. I think so also. He is 8 years older than me too. Im hoping his foot is closer to the grave than mine.

  5. Rhyming Fun says:

    Also, he treated my like a child, as if he was my dad. He scolded me, and had full reign over me, and even talked to me like I was a child! And, all the Narcissists I have been with did this! Both Narcissists were older than I, but the third Narcissist was younger than I, and he still treated me like a child! This, I don’t understand!

  6. MyTrueSelf says:

    * “I’m sorry I made you love me”
    * “I could kill you, now” (in bed on top of me with his hands around my throat, squeezing a little to hard for little long so my tears run)
    * “I don’t get on with your morals or your personality “

    Im reading the experiences from the others and this is no joke. These are dangerous men (often male but I know females can be, too). How can we best deal with them in society?

  7. Vicky says:

    1- You are crazy or insane
    2- I feel your vagina different today “it is bigger” (the hole)
    3- called me bitch and whore in front of the kids
    4- where is your ass going it is not as big as when I met you!
    5- during the devaluation stage, he used to seduce me and make me think we were going to have sex and then said it was just to prove a point and leave, very humiliating I felt like I was just a piece of garbage to him, the person I love…
    5- during sex he use to asks me into my ears ” are you mine? Are you going to leave me? While punishing me ( while I was in pain during the sexual act ) I had to said what he wants to hear or it will be more painful and he would not stop even though I notified him about how rude and painful it was….. and much more, I just don’t want to keep going it is very painful to remember those words and moments, it is like reviving and feel as if they are happening right now, I am in tears writing this….. 😭

    1. Rhyming Fun says:


      I am sorry. Yes, mine threatened to find me, and kill me if I ever left him. And, he would look at me and start crying (histrionics), and say that he knew someone was eventually going to take me away from him.

      Thus, he would not allow me out of the house, or to walk down any different aisles of store than the one he was in. I could go nowhere without him, not even out the front door. When I was finally free, it was so strange to feel the freedom of walking outside anytime I wished!

      I am so grateful for freedom! I can walk down any aisle of any store I wish! Sometimes though, by habit, I forget that I am no longer encaged, and I stay inside. Sometimes when I go outside, I don’t know what I am suppose to do.

      1. Vicky says:

        Omg Rhyming fun that’s horrible, I am sorry, why do we have to encounter those horrible people in our life ? We didn’t deserve that… I hope you are better by now, he sounds like mine, a physco!!! Take care of yourself focus in you now it is your time to heal!! I am in a therapy group as well as with private therapist one to one!! It is helping plus educating myself about the subject, praying and going to church, finding a way to heal myself! It is very hard but I feel better than during the first days of the discard, those days were terrible, I fell in a horrible depression and I had suicidal thoughts, that’s how bad it was, but thanks God I am feeling better now!! I hope you are feeling better too!! Sending hugs and love!! We can do this!

    2. NarcAngel says:


      I hope hes tumbling in the black hole of Oblivion with Rhyming Funs ex. Coward pieces of shit.

      1. Rhyming Fun says:

        I am thankful he’s dead.

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Rhyming Fun
          Understandable. I would be, too.

  8. gabbanzobean says:

    #12 and #23 – I feel like he is silently communicating these to me. He hasn’t actually said the words.

    As far as the rest of it goes, he hasn’t said any of those things to me. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing, a bad thing, something to overthink. 🤔

  9. Cathrine says:

    “Not everything is about you”
    Said in a threatening tone after a three hour long session of me listening to him and in the end offering to get some food for us. The absolute hurt of it!

  10. tanya says:

    The loser I dated said these lovely things to me.
    1. Good luck finding someone who will put up with you.
    2. Youre repulsive
    3. You don’t satisfy me
    4. You’re going to keep me from doing all things I want to do in my life
    5. Cunt slut moron dumbass idiot stupid
    6. You have a Black heart
    7. You’re a hater and I’m a lover
    8. You’re down here (motioning to the ground) and I’m up here (motioning up high)
    9. Ice Queen
    10. You have thinking errors
    11.”I’m okay being a hypocrite”
    12. After hitting me, cheating on me , damaging my things. He would say “And ill do it again!”
    13. “My Dad said he’s done w that bitch” referring to me.
    14. You’re an Old women now…(I had just turned 40)
    15. You’ll have no problem finding someone…you just won’t be able to keep him
    16. I don’t wanna be tied down
    17. Leave me the fuck alone!
    18. If you try to be w someone else…you wont live to see the light of day.
    19. You’re gonna be just like ur mom…alone w cats.
    20. They’re not really ur friends….they don’t care about you, I’m the one who cares about you.
    21. I’m not gonna marry a house keeper
    22. You gave up on your dreams!
    23. I’m gonna pick the one that treats me the best!
    24. I’m always right…wouldn’t u rather be with someone who’s always right instead of someone who’s always wrong?!”..

    I don’t want to be with any of those people….that’s why I’m free now and dating…and I’m alive to see the new day…and that sick evil loser is married w a baby now. I pray for that women and hee child. I really do.

    Those were just the few choice words I heard over the years of my stupidity in being and staying w such a low level person. I’m happy now that he’s out of m y life. Onwards and upwards.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Those are all horrible. One on your list reminded me of a very hurtful one I struggled with, “none of your friends really like you. They all think the same things I say to you. They just pretend to like you to your face. They laugh about you behind your back.”

      My MIL was my AlAnon sponsor and I told her that he’d said this and I was really struggling with it. She made a gasp and had such a look of horror on her face. Since I had 3 teenage boys at the time, i knew that look. It was the “Oh my God! How could my son have done such a thing” look. I knew then that it was an evil, manipulative lie. That knowledge sustained me and gave me strength.

      And that illustrates why these ridiculous, horrible statements are so devastating. Living with a narc, our confidence and judgement get eroded to the point we fear these evil lies are really true. It’s so important to have trusted people we can go talk things through with and not keep these hateful comments to ourselves where they will fester inside us and ruin our health and self-esteem.

      1. Rhyming Fun says:


        So sorry if I’m commenting in wrong place; I cannot find Reply Button where they might be. Yes, thank you; I just went and checked the boxes so now I hope Notifications come to me! I don’t like to miss any replies (especially all the ones I DONT get from Sir Tudor) … 🙂 ha ha…made me laugh.

    2. Rhyming Fun says:

      I am so sorry, Tanya.

  11. Healing girl says:

    The worst things he said to me;
    “I’m just going to rape you…” after not letting him do something in bed.
    “You’re not a mother, you feel nothing, so you have no feelings…”
    “I only slept with you as you wanted it…”
    “It makes me feel sick thinking we had a baby…” after seeing a baby pic in my profile thinking it was his…

    He’s a malevolent piece of shit.

    1. Healing girl says:

      Oh I forgot this one after trying to ‘hoover’ me back after a month or so of NC and silent treatment he said he wanted to come to my place, and talking dirty then said ‘I want to fuck you….’ (pause) then ‘UP’. Now is this just a Narc or a Psycho?

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Healing girl
        Sets off my psycho alarms! Hope you are well away from him now.

  12. Rhyming Fun says:

    After physically torturing me to where I was bleeding profusely, and unable to breathe because I was hyperventilating so badly, due to the excruciating pain, he said, “Naaa, don’t worry; you only need one kidney to survive… Trust me.”

    I didn’t lose my kidneys, and I was able to get the paramedics out to help me, but I could have died easily from massive internal injuries.

    I did not die! (“Ha Ha” to him!)

    There were so many other things, too; so much brainwashing, as well, because he had had me under his control for a long time, since high school. I didn’t know I had been brainwashed.

    Still, I loved him because of the times he was nice to me; I also felt so sorry for him, too.

    He said so many things to me that stopped me in my tracks, yet other things I thought were completely normal for people to say. But, now I know differently. I still have nightmares.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Rhyming Fun
      That is horrible. Sending you positive energy and thoughts all day today.

      1. Rhyming Fun says:



        Your kindness means so much to me. I was ashamed to even make my comment because I did not want to trigger anyone. But, I thought it might help me to continue on my journey of healing from these past assaults with Narcissists.

        Thank you for not being freaked-out by my sharing of experiences. This is the only site in which I know where I can share some of these things and not have others start Victim-Blaming because ‘it’s easier to consider that the victim was at fault, than to believe that such evil does indeed exist in our world, and can be acted out on compassionate, unassuming individuals’.

        For some reason WordPress is not giving me any Notifications whatsoever of any replies, so if I chance to ‘find them’, I will always reply back. So it is not personal if I do not respond, but only that I did not find the comment or reply aimed at me. I almost have to ‘search’ for them to ensure I am not hurting anyone’s feelings by missing to respond.

        Thank you again, Windstorm2

        1. Windstorm2 says:

          Rhyming Fun
          You are checking the little boxes under your email and address that say “notify me of new comments” every time you post?

          Never be afraid of sharing. It’s good for all of us. Even when it triggers past memories thats good because it forces us to work thru them.

          I can’t imagine living with one like you had. I sure hope you are safe from him now.

      2. Rhyming Fun says:


        I couldn’t find the Reply Button to your question as to “where is he now?” He is deceased 🙂

  13. JC says:

    Very true… I had #10 said to me. One of the more traumatizing comments was “I have a plan for you.” I never knew what he meant. I thought he meant he was going to kill me, so I warned some people that if anything ever happened to me to look to him. He had told me different ways he could do it. Then he would say, “you know I would never hurt you don’t you?” That was the part that kept me confused. I don’t know what the heck I was doing with him. I think I just thought he was trying to scare me and I ignored him. He taught me very well how to use cutting words, so I did it back to him at times. I am sure that is why the fury got worse and worse. He said I was mean. I told him “I am a reflection of you.” I had eventually figured out his projections and if he was mean to me, he would tell me I was being mean to him- Then I would say, yes I am! It got to be really strange conversations. I thought I was understanding him, but I reality I was not entirely. Now that I have read your work, I understand. Thank you for this HG.

  14. Tappan Zee says:

    Weird. I just used the word shards today describing: each shard of truth stabs me upon discovery. My hope is their collective soul tearing nature will soften into a colorful master peace once glued together with time, self love, sweat and tears.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      Tappan zee

      That’s a lovely mental image! I’m imagining a beautiful stained glass mosaic made over time from hard learned shards of truth! I think that could be a valuable exercise. Each time I remember/learn something painful, I’m going to imagine it is a colorful glass shard and add it to my mental mosaic. If I’m tempted to get depressed, I’ll focus on it and watch how beautiful it is in the light. Thank you for the idea!

      1. Tappan Zee says:

        WS2|exactly <\3

  15. Deneene says:

    “You don’t matter.”
    “You can’t seem to do anything right, can you.”
    “Really..? Did you really just say that to me…?”(always, said in the most condescending voice, of course)
    and my favorite, “I will throw you away like the piece of garbage you are, and have your replacement here before the end of the day…”
    There is many more, but those are the first to come to mind..

  16. Windstorm2 says:

    My worst one was, “If I decide to get rid of you, I won’t kill you. I’ll have you committed to a mental hospital.” He knew that was a great fear of mine because my mother had told me I was mentally ill since I was a small child. I always lived in fear of having someone else confirm it.

    And he didn’t say it like a threat. He just said it casually- like it was something simple and obvious.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      Mental ward sounds nice this time of year, WS2. If only I were joking. Autumn Asylum. I want in. No way out.

    2. narc affair says:

      Hi windstorm…my hubbys stepdad a somatic victim narc did that to him growing up. He hated him bc he reminded him of his(hubbys) dad. Hed tell him he was going to drive him to a nearby mental institution if he didnt do what he was asked. It left terrible emotional scars.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Narc Affair
        It does leave terrible scars. It erodes away your self confidence, keeps you always worried and unsure. Now, however, I recognize it as the natural reaction of midrange narcs to when you disagree with them (and goodness knows I almost never agreed with my mother!) Midrangers often immediately react with, “That’s crazy! You’re crazy! There must be something wrong with you!”

        I used to think this was gaslighting, but now I’m not so sure. I think in the case of midrangers, they actually believe it. They can’t conceive of someone close to them not agreeing with their reasoning. They really think they are right and something must be wrong with you if you can’t see it. I think they have to believe this way or their construct will fall apart.

        Now greaters….that’s a whole different ballgame. Still, as a general rule, I’d rather interact with the intelligent than the stupid. You have to be vigilant at protecting yourself, but it’s a lot more entertaining and a lot less frustrating. But that’s as an adult. children like your husband was should always have someone there to protect them. Unfortunately that’s often not the case.

      2. Echo says:

        Well, my narcissist mother pretended to call mental institution to come and get me when I was little child.I still see her standing by the phone like it is happening right now.

    3. Rhyming Fun says:

      I am sorry, Windstorm2; this sounds so scary! Mine tried to keep drugging me with Opioids. They made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t like them, but he’d check under my tongue to make sure I took them. I learned how to hide them.

      1. Windstorm2 says:

        OMG Rhyming Fun! Yours was a monster! Where is he now?

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