Ten Poisoned Messages of Devaluation



We avail ourselves of the use of technology through all the various stages of the narcissistic cycle and the period of devaluation is no exception. We will use the sending of messages, be they of the text, messenger or e-mail variety, to roll out our devaluation against you. These poisonous messages are sent because it is so easy for us to do so. It is a simple task of typing that message, whether we happen to be at home, in the office, sat waiting for a plane or in a queue of traffic. We can unleash a poisoned arrow from anywhere and have it winging its way to pierce your heart. We can do it at any time and reap the reward from the provision of fuel. Sometimes the fuel arises as consequence of your response, by messaging us back or ringing us. Other times it is gathered through Thought Fuel as we envisage your reaction based on what we know of your emotional responses and sometimes we even get the combination of both Proximate and Thought Fuel. There is little energy expenditure for us and the prospects of fuel and exerting control over you are invariably very good. Here are ten ways in which we send you poisonous messages during devaluation.

1. The Barren Periods

We have, through the extensive and exciting messaging we engaged in during the golden period created an expectancy on your part to receive messages from first thing in the morning until last thing at night and at regular and repeated intervals. You have become used to this and then all of a sudden it dries up. You send a message to us in the hope of generating a response but there is nothing. You send another, just in case the first did not somehow get through. There is nothing but silence. You wait and try to do something else but you cannot concentrate because you keep looking to your ‘phone hoping for that message to appear but it does not. Many hours may pass, perhaps a day until you either happen to bump into us or we deign to finally respond. You can expect the replies to be along the lines of:

“There was no signal where I was.”

“There must be a fault with my ‘phone as I never received any messages.”

“I did reply, did you not get it?”

“All your messages have just come through now, that’s why I messaged when I did.”

“I ran out of credit.”

“I ran out of battery.”

Do not accept these explanations. These are rolled out to pull the wool over your eyes. The failure to reply was deliberate and calculated and more often than not it was because we were busy with somebody else.

2. The Raised Hopes

We will make an arrangement with you, suggesting we go out to dinner tomorrow evening or attend that new play you were excited to see. You look forward to spending time with us, alter your other arrangements, put yourself to time and expense in preparation for whatever event is and then at the last minute we cancel with either no excuse or half an excuse and then we fall silent.

3. The Wrong Recipient

You receive a message which is clearly meant for someone else. It might be using a nickname that is unfamiliar to you, confirming an arrangement when you knew of none to be confirmed, thanking you for a wonderful evening when we did not see one another that evening or any number of combinations where the content of the message is at odds with what you know. It is rarely a mistake when this happens. It is done deliberately.

4. The Vitriolic Volley

A straight forward nasty barrage of insults sent in the form of text messages. The content will be savage and hurtful and you will have no or little idea why the messages are being sent or what they actually relate to. You will be accused of being a slut, when you have always been faithful, or wasting money when you are careful with it, or not caring about us when you have just done something especially loving. The words will be barbed, picking on your weaknesses and vulnerabilities and is often done when you have gone out without us or you have friends around without us being invited. It is a short and sharp method of upsetting you in a quick as possible manner.

5. The Afterthought

We tell you what we are doing and happen to mention that you might like it as well even though now, given the late notice you have been given, that it is nigh on impossible for you to join in. Typical messages will read

“Great party at Harry’s you would love the music here.”

“I am at Portofino’s with Hannah, the food is just your type of thing.” (Plus, who is Hannah by the way?)

“I am watching U2, they are awesome, you like them don’t you?” (When we know full well that U2 is your favourite band.)

You are left upset as you are missing out on something you would enjoy and also hurt because we have done it without you, knowing that you would have wanted to attend as well.

6. The Mirror

This does not appear as though it is actually a poisonous message because its content is pleasant and it is WHEN it is sent that is of relevance. If you are going through a period of devaluation and you then receive messages which appear to provide a Respite Period from the nastiness, be warned; you and somebody else are getting the same messages. Thus if we have been unpleasant to you for a number of weeks and you then get a message stating

“I miss you.”

“I love you.”

“I wish you were with me.”

It will lift your heart but understand that its generic quality, lack of personalisation and out-of-the blue quality denotes that you and your prospective replacement are both receiving this message from us. Double fuel.

7. The Backhander

It may seem like a pleasant message but it is not. This is usually sent to emphasise our importance and demote the apparent pleasantry in our message to you by causing it to appear second-best to the rest of what we have written. Examples would include

“I miss you but I am so busy closing this massive deal at the moment.”

“I hope you are well but I am focused on beating my time for the half marathon so lots of training at present.”

“I was thinking about you as I was polishing my new car.”

8. The False Hope

You receive a blank message from us following a period of silence and this causes you to respond, pleased to have received even this crumb of apparent comfort and thus you respond to it. We deny messaging you or suggest it must have been done by accident. The text equivalent of the butt dial. It was done on purpose and we noted just how quickly you replied to us as well.

9. The Forewarned Silent Treatment

You are told we will not be available to contact. The reason given is not because we are travelling or engaged in meetings or such like, but rather it will be explanations such as

“Don’t message me for 48 hours, I need to do some thinking.”

“I need some space, so I won’t be in touch for a few days.”

“I am feeling pressured so just need some breathing space. Don’t contact me until I contact you.”

Aside from gaining Thought Fuel at your disappointed and concerned reaction, this is being done to exert control over you and most of all to ensure that you do not get in the way and interfere as we are seducing someone else.

10. The False Emergency

We send a message asking for your help with something and you feel pleased to be involved as matters have been decidedly icy between us for a few days. You respond straight away but you are then told that it does not matter since Joe or Helen or Angela has already come to our aid/lent us the onion/changed the tyre etc. There was no incident which required your help or help from anybody. We wanted to see how quickly you would respond to our control and then we garner fuel from both your perceived and witnessed responses.

52 thoughts on “Ten Poisoned Messages of Devaluation

  1. Kiki says:

    Dr Harleen
    Love your responses to Gabbanobean here.
    You are a strong lady and wouldn’t put up with this SHIT from any man never mind a cheating liar.
    All us DLS ladies need to realise we were (are) involved with a cheating liar , there is NOTHING wrong in their marriages trust me there.
    It is all lies and manipulation for there benefit.
    Please cut all ties with these men and remember do it with do it to you .
    These men think they are Gods gift to women ,take a close look ,give them points on a scale of one to ten .I bet looks are average or worse ,
    Care for your feelings well being prob a one , what gets ten is the ability to manipulate you.The great sex is also an illusion ,you have been manipulated to think its great and triangulated with the wife which will make you try harder , the married cheat are always the PRIZE not you .
    Flip this thinking , why would an attractive single lady bother letting a stake married cheater touch here .What is he offering ? Even a prostitute gets cash.
    What are you getting , I bet NOTHING , believe me there are lots of very hot single guys for sex .Ok it may be NSA but at least they are not lying cheaters.The cheater manipulates you to think you are the special one .Dont fall for this rubbish , go find a ten out of ten single hot guy for amazing sex.

  2. Bum says:

    If only I found this article 6 months ago, probably I can prepare my self. Hahaaa.. After all I’ve been through all the stage..after he said he need space to fix his life(which I feel kinda funny now for believing). Now no contact from him, I guess he found someone else now. Hahahahaaa

  3. Suzie says:

    I sense that many of these women are very young. I’m an older woman, who got involved with a narcissist at a young age. I was devastated. Then the repetition cycle began with one narcissist after another. Unitl I finally sought help and a reason for this 30 year cycle. I finally found out that both of my parents are narcissists. My Mother and step father are malignant narcissists diagnosed by a therapist. Now I realize that I was trying to re-do my past and make it come out better. I am not a narcissist by nature. I just so happen to be born a really good, extremely nice person. But because of my upbringing I am co-dependent, therefore have been susceptible to narcissists. Now that I am aware of this and have gotten healing from PTSD and depression I know I will never make the mistakes of the past. I have learned so much. Yet, I still couldn’t totally understand the narcissistic mind set, even though I have watched it for years. Thank You, HG, for explaining why narcissists behave the way they do. My Mother can’t hurt me any more with her sneaky, devious behavior. I finally got it!!!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  4. Wow! I met anew narc recently and he used all of these before I ever met him! He seemed rather enlightened, into Yoga, meditation, and a lot of the same things I have found helpful after years of truthseeking. I am so glad to have come across this article. Just when you thought you knew all the tactics, along comes this. There really is a narc handbook. Sick sick souls. He was in the middle of ignoring my texts when I woke up and told him to forget my number. He texted me back, OK. Tool! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  5. ANK says:

    Would never have considered these to be part of devaluation before learning all about narcissism from this site.

    Now I can look back and work out what he really meant and what he was trying to do.

  6. analise13 says:

    These are familar to me.
    Are these comments mostly mid range statements and behaviours?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Not exclusively.

  7. Tappan Zee says:

    PS: it felt good to belly laugh.
    This hit home. But funny.
    NOT painful, yay! Hope.
    I keep rereading it..
    For MY funny fuel.

  8. Sillyolperson says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,
    Texting with the narc, is just like the relationship….. it all goes haywire! In the beginning, he’d answer instantly and he was always available. He never said anything nasty or hurtful, I’ll give him that !
    I lost count the number of times my friend lost his phone, it wasn’t working, not good with the latest technology, sent me messages obviously meant for others, forgot to recharge it, didn’t get my messages, didn’t hear the phone go off, fell out of his pocket, no signal, fell asleep and didn’t hear it, upgraded his phone and lost all contacts, left it at someone’s house , blah blah blah! Funny how it was always stuck to his hand like glue. Wherever he was, his phone was always right in front of him and most photos taken of him he’s always always holding his phone cos men’s suit pants don’t have pockets he reckons 😱
    I checked with “blind Freddy” and he said the majority of mens pants do have pockets!πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜‚

    Thank you Mr Tudor

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome, but I need to know who Blind Freddy is.

      1. Sillyolperson says:


  9. Kate says:

    2. Raised Hope

    Happened today, after a couple of days of silent treatment/slow to respond contact. Offered to take me out to dinner. Drove almost an hour in rush hour traffic just to receive a text that he was in too bad of a mood to see me. He was the one who suggested dinner, I let him pick the time and place. Maddening!

  10. Tappan Zee says:

    DYING laughing today.
    I see why u don’t date narcs.
    OMG so lame/true/funny/sad.

  11. Peaceful says:

    Although I’ve experienced all of the above, 4. The Vitriolic Volley was the worst I’d say… I remember the first time this happened. We were 5 months into the “relationship” when he pulled this maneuver on me. I knew it was f*cked up and broke up with him. I remember being in such a state of despair, confusion, and devastation that I took the day off of work. The cognitive dissonance was simply out of control. I could not function. He called and called and texted his brains out to pull me back in. FOOLISHLY I agreed to meet the creep in a diner to discuss. Being already deeply embedded it was not difficult for him to convince me of his contrition and promises it would NEVER happen again…. it was really just the beginning of the horrific machinations yet to come. Along with the others above, I suffered through #4 countless times… One night I out fired him on hideous accusatory texts. He laughed about it the next day… so ridiculous.

    Yes, I can say it was fearing the loss of intimacy. Feigned intimacy. A fake intimacy that I too was willing to participate in. Looking outward to fulfill something that can only be filled authentically by looking inward can only lead to disappointment.

    Thank you so much HG for the wake up call πŸ™‚

  12. NarcAngel says:

    I been laughing far too hard at: emergency onion.

    Serious though-when you read it like that in black and white you have to see the desperation in accepting and/or overlooking those cheap pawn offs. Kids have been grounded for spouting less nonsense. Its right up there with the dog ate my homework and I was holding those drugs for a friend which would never fool a parent. So it has to be fearing loss of intimacy that allows it?

  13. Scout says:

    During devaluation, I was totally ignored. When he went away, before devaluation, I never heard a word from him. All his messages were cold, short and blunt, devoid of love, humour or warmth. I used to be confused and upset by his lack of demonstrating a caring side. Of course, I know now he was/is unable to demonstrate love, warmth, empathy; it’s not in his nature. There’s no lightness of character, no joy, no colour in their lives, just nastiness and darkness at worst, indifference, or suspicion at best. Sad, cold-blooded creatures.

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      This is similar to what I experience. Monosyllabic phone calls, silence, lack of any emotion, even nastiness. I am so curious what I will get in person on Friday. Or if he will even show. Guess I will know soon enough!

      1. Scout says:

        Friday the 13th, well anything could happen! πŸ˜‰ Seriously, expect little, keep a smile on your face even when he’s lying though his arse and make sure you butter him enough so he puts his hand on his pocket. Good luck.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        I hope you canceled or you stood him up lol.

        When all else fails cancel last minute.

        That is a personal favorite of mine. Works every single time.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          How many times did you do that to the ex who is a narcissist? How many times did he do it to you?

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I have done it. The amount varies it depends on my relationship with them. For example – there is higher chance of me canceling on someone I’m not officially with but I have done it to someone I am actually with. My ex bfs who were narcs and psychopaths didn’t do that to me that often. They knew better.

        Bottom line in my last relationship I would say we canceled equal amount of times when we were officially together.

      4. gabbanzobean says:

        Yes….Friday the 13th. I am trying not to realize the date significance (or insignificance)…LOL.

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        I will say…that I have never stood anyone up. That is something I have never done.

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        To expand on your question…

        I have pulled this shit before going out with his friends – going to some family functions – and right before going over his place.

        I only do it if they have fucked me over.
        I only do it if they have done it to me.
        Every dipshit move gives me a free pass. The person has opened the door to the possibility I will do the same at one point.

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        It’s simple. Don’t be a shithead to me and I won’t be a shithead to you.

        I may let someone take a couple of shots (depending on the offense) then they need to be put in their place.

        You don’t just get away with things and skip off into the sunset.

        That is never the way it goes with me.

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Plenty have made that mistake.

        Plenty have been dumb enough to mistake my kindness for weakness.

        Now that was the biggest mistake they ever made.

        Well…that and underestimating my intelligence.

  14. gabbanzobean says:

    β€œAll your messages have just come through now, that’s why I messaged when I did.”

    Bahahahahahaha!!!!!! I heard this excuse today! There really is a Narc textbook!

    1. NarcAngel says:


      And you still doubt if he is a narc? What will convince you either way? Not anyone here but to yourself I mean.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Sadly, yes. πŸ˜•

    2. ANK says:


      From your posts it seems that he is a narc. Mine on the other hand I cannot be really sure of because he was always secretive. Never gave much away, and deflect questions, all probably because he needs to maintain the image of an upstanding pillar of the community, nice, charming, etc.
      He was never been overtly mean or nasty to me. May be to his wife, but I will never know unless I speak to her. He may have gaslighted her. He did say to me she was not very intelligent whereas his new source was pretty and intelligent, so I can imagine the mean things he might have said to her when in private. You often wish to be a fly on the wall with your narc to see hoe he is with his wife and I can see why.

      And I doubt if his wife ever cottoned on to what was going on. I’m sure I wasn’t the first one he had an affair with while married to her.

      I’ve sen a photo of her. She seems like nice woman, but then she would be because he targets ‘nice’ (empathetic) women.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        You have very eerily and similarly described the dynamic with my mid ranger. Yes, to be a fly on the wall. Sigh.

        1. ANK says:


          I think I have severed ties by sending his new IPPS a copy of one of HG’s books. He probably knows it was me. i don’t really care if he does know. On the one hand I’m saying to myself maybe I shouldn’t have done that and let things be as they were to get crumbs, but on the other hand I don’t want to be responded to just because I have contacted him and it be a one way street, until he sees it as hoover opportunity. I am worth more.

          No contact now for three weeks. But I get so angry seeing him online.

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


      It’s dedication hour … for you…

      I have “new rules” πŸ˜‰


      1. gabbanzobean says:

        OMG I love love love that song and have been listening to it on repeat. So relatable. The only lyrical medication I would make is that he never calls me. I always call him. LOL. Pathetic of me.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        You remind me a lot of myself when I used to be like hardcore fixated on my ex and my first psychopath.

        Delete the number from your phone – even if you memorized it. I think you need to get mad enough or bored enough and when that happens it’s because you will have finally accepted that he is useless. The image you have of him is simply that – he doesn’t exist. You’re hooked on an idea – an idea you have associated with an empty vessel. He’s a waste of time – nothing you don’t know.

        You know inside it’s a waste of time but you’re hooked on that dopamine high and that “maybe”. There is no maybe. He is a dead end and you will continue to waste years upon years on him. There is no hope. Let me repeat that… there is NO hope. He’s cheap. He is a phony and a whore. There isn’t a smidge of authenticity in that peasants body. All he will do is let you down over and over again. You will be waiting for that call and that text and that day he will finally realize your worth. He will not. He will continue to throw a crumb your way every so often. You will see more and more how beneath you he really is. He is beneath you. It is beneath you. All of the time your mind goes round and round thinking and analyzing his every move he is off doing whatever he is doing not thinking of you. Out of sight out of mind. That is what happens. I’m not saying this to be mean. I’m saying this because you need to hear it. He is weak. He is a nobody. You are somebody. Don’t ever let that nobody keep you hanging on. Every word that comes out of that mans mouth is some generic bullshit. He’s as deep as a kiddie pool. You would be so disappointed if you were with him. Omg you would be so miserable. You should be thanking your lucky stars he never got into a real relationship with you.

        Don’t let that fucking loser ever touch you again. That’s a privilege and he is sure as shit not worthy. Who wants to hear some grown man going on and on about his fake remorse and regret and how moral he is. It’s so ugly.

        Take a step back and look at it for what it is. If I came to you telling you your story (as if it were my own) what would you think and what would you tell me.

        Inside you know the truth. He doesn’t get to control you. Make him feel like the nobody he is.


        1. ANK says:

          Dr HQ,

          Your post is perfect, I really needed to see it even though it is to Gabby.

          I’m mad but not may be mad enough and am still fixated even though there has been no contact now for three weeks. May be that’s why I’m mad – wanting him to contact me.

          But you’re absolutely right that he is a waste of time. It is as you say, and I need to stop thinking of him, cos he sure ain’t thinking of me.

          I’m going to print your post out and keep reading it to remind myself I am well rid and that he is not worthy, that he is a fake bullshitter.

          Thank you.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        You are not pathetic.

        Take that power back.

        It’s an illusion. That’s all it ever is/was.

        He has no power.

        Take it and walk away.

      4. gabbanzobean says:

        (Every time I see your screen name I hear his voice saying “be the Harley to my Joker, embrace the madness….lol…oh the irony)
        Maybe it is the dopamine high although I want more than to just F him 7 ways from Sunday. If he is such a dead end why can’t his wife realize it? Yes silly of me to ask that since he is the dragon that I keep chasing as well. 2 peas in a pod we both are. He always used to tell me that I was very similar to her. I know it sounds messed up but not only do I wish I could be a fly on the wall in his house but I wish I could witness how he is, even if it is a temporary glimpse. I almost feel like I am blinded. I feel like coming here and reading, sharing, listening to others stories, asking questions, applying, etc. by doing that I see glimpses of light but then it keeps going dark. Does that make sense? That is the only way I can describe it so I hope that makes some sense. This will sound stupid as hell but I wish I could BE in his wife’s body with my brain so I can have this light shined brighter in my face. Then again that probably does not sound as stupid as I thought reading it back because I always was, and continue to remain incredibly jealous of her.

        Oh Friday…bring it.

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        ANK & Gab,

        I’m glad I could be helpful in some way. He will never give you what you want. I mean sure he will make a reappearance and throw you a crumb to string you along but it is just that. There is NO FUTURE with them.

        I can assure you both I have wondered and said everything you have said (about being a fly on the wall). You would NOT want to be the wife. The best thing that never happened to you was a formal relationship with your narcs. If you were actually in that relationship – I can’t stress how disappointed you would be. You put them on this pedestal and then when you are in the relationship it completely blows. We always want to believe we are the only “other” ones that we are “so special” – reality check…we are not. It is something I still occasionally have to face – knowing that my first psychopath has other women he intermittently “engages” with (pshh like I don’t know what goes on). I also realize that it doesn’t make me any less unique.

        When you listen to the narc make sure you listen to not only what they are saying but what they aren’t saying. What someone doesn’t talk about is very telling. They rarely answer a question directly. They often don’t answer the question at all but make you feel in the moment they are answering it – yet you walk away going…what the fuck was the answer?

        Gab – I understand everything you are saying. I have lived it so many times. I promise you it gets old and it gets boring and played out. There is nothing to be jealous of re the wife. The situation is way worse for her if you take a step back and look at it. She probably stays for all the same reasons that we all have stayed.

        It’s tempting to lose yourself in someone else. There are many reasons for this but consider this – crushes, infatuations, fixations, relationships – whatever you want to call them can be a way of escaping because they can feel so good. They give you a reason….to get up and to look cute and to get things done. They give you something to look forward to. You feel like you can almost live off of them. That is what drives me. Think about what drives you.

        You don’t need their approval to know your true worth. Their approval means nothing. You will know when you have had enough – look inward instead of outward. What is driving you? What insecurities make you vulnerable to manipulation?

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Dr. HQ,
          So much of that resonates with me but mainly the form of escape and looking forward to something. Good grief that is so true.

          Oh I have questions to ask him….LOL. So damn curious to see how he evades this time.

          If he lives with his wife and has a kid and he has a religious piano playing family church facade to maintain….how the hell can he dole out pitying silent treatments against her? That is one thing that I have always wondered. Is this why he is so tired and depressed all the time? I know the tired and depressed line is most likely said for attention and pity but part of me wonders if maintaining such a facade can be mentally exhausting for them.

          The other thing I struggle to understand is his sex addiction. He will ignore me when I ask how he is, or when I pour on the pleasantries, etc. or even when I get sarcastic or snippy with him. But anything sexual is usually always met with an immediate response. Bonus points if it’s kinky. He is in a constant state of horny. I am guessing this is par for the course with narcs.

          Forgive my rambling….

          Okay Friday let’s get this shit over with already.

        2. ANK says:

          Arrgh! Hadn’t heard from him in 3 weeks and thought I was doing ok. Unfortunately ran into him and the new IPPS on Wednesday. He saw me said hello. I ignored him. Saw them again on Thursday. Can’t get away from them!

          Seeing them together has made my blood boil.

      6. gabbanzobean says:

        Dr. HQ,
        Another memory just hit me out of nowhere this morning where I thought of a text that he sent me once (after a week of silence). He frequently plays the tortured soul pity me nonsense. “I am depressed, I am blue, today is frustrating…etc.” For the longest time I would always ask him how he was feeling. For awhile he would tell me. Then when the silence began he wouldn’t tell me. Looking back all for fuel no less. Despite him being mid range and not knowing what he is. Anyway, when he eventually spoke to me again I told him that my feelings were hurt that he goes silent. He was all “well sometimes I don’t feel like talking”. I told him “well at least you could give the courtesy of a reply when I wonder about your well-being”. Then he got snippy with me and texted “You are not my wife or my girlfriend. I owe you no such courtesy. I will communicate with you when and if I choose to do so”. Perhaps I am overthinking this but if is so dead insistent on “being so faithful” to his wife then why not just say “you are not my wife”….why add the term “girlfriend” to it? Or should he have said (in Narc speak) … “You are not my IPPS or IPSS, you are a DLS so I owe you no such courtesy?” Did I translate that correctly?

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:


        What this comes down to is he does what he wants – when he wants. He acts very oppositional. He is asserting his power – telling you he will speak to you when HE FEELS LIKE IT – he doesn’t owe you shit. He is also speaking to you like you are a peasant. It is so disgusting and condescending. He doesn’t care about your feelings. There is no point in analyzing anything with him because he is a liar and he is all about himself. You are there for his amusement or when he needs something and how dare you ask anything of him. He only responds when you say something sexual because he is vapid and that is all he wants from you. He wants fuel in the form of attention and sex and wants you to be all “omg I just have to have you – your dick is so amazing – you are so desirable”. It is so basic and pathetic. He is so beneath you.

        What are you hoping to gain from this “interaction”? I call it an interaction because that is what it is – there is no relationship there. He uses you when he needs an ego boost and then throws you to the side.

        Those pity plays are fucking nauseating. I don’t know how you can stomach them. My ex used to do that and I used to be repulsed by it. It sexually turned me off so much. I dried up like the sahara desert lol.

        There is nothing there. Nothing will ever be there. You will never get what you want out of him. It was never there in the first place.

        All that matters are his needs. He sounds so fucking boring. I swear if you were with him you would be so damn disappointed and bored. There is NOTHING to talk to. The only thing you guys do is have sex. There is no real connection there.

        I’m saying this because it would be wrong for me not to say this. You need to realize everyting about him is a lie. He is so obvious. Yeah what a real “moral” man ::gags::.

        He is like a dildo that breathes and has a heartbeat. That is all that is there. Don’t let him talk to you that way. Take that power back. Show him he doesn’t mean shit cause well…HE DOESN’T.

        Show him he doesn’t matter….

        You are more than a sex doll that spews phrases to boost his ego.

        It’s always the losers that think they can treat quality people like pieces of shit.

        NO SEX is worth your self worth and your pride and your dignity.

        You matter…HE DOESN’T!

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Gab….For you

  15. Diva says:

    I read this article…..in the cold light of day….with no narc in my sightline…..and I wonder how, or why, did I put up with this behaviour……I must have been truly crazy……or maybe just a tad crazier that I currently am……only time will tell, if I have truly changed…….Diva

  16. Insatiable Learner says:

    HG, if a narcissist tells a secondary source that they need to take a break from talking because of the issues he and his IPPS need to work through and that he would reach back out after a while once things settle down, what does this mean? Thank you very much!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are being placed on the shelf and offered a comfort crumb.

      1. Sniglet says:

        Comfort crumb?! Haha. Nice description.

    2. Insatiable Learner says:

      Thank you, HG! I had already been hanging out on the shelf for months previously and then after brief reconnect by text which I initiated, off on the shelf I go again?

    3. nevermore says:

      I have never read a comment and thought “we have the same exact narcisist friend” Even as I write this I am contemplating asking if I give you his initials and location would you be able to verify it? He had more IPSS sources than his IPPS could ever figure out but she is his IPPS and no matter what he tells you he will always keep up the facade of the perfect husband so he’s busy right now taking care of her because she is having health problems, they just bought a house and if you check his Instagram you can figure out he started a new job so yes, we/you got a “comfort crumb” but I have spent 9 months reading about them so I at least understand it’s just his way of letting us know he doesn’t have time for his extra appliances since the new toys and his IPPS are giving him negative and positive in abundance.. hope this helps you understand it really is all about him and never was about you so you can keep learning to stay away when he does “reach out again” if ever…

      1. Insatiable Learner says:

        Hi Nevermore, if your comment was addressed to me, my narc is not married to his IPPS. They just live together. He also has the same job. So it’s not the same guy. But yet, of course, in essence, he is! They all are! Thank you for commenting! Very best to you!

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Horns and Halos