Poll – How Has Your Entanglement With the Narcissist Affected You Emotionally?



Being entangled with our kind results in all manner of effects for our victims – financial, psychological, physical, damage to relationships or jobs, loss of security and the home. There is always an emotional impact from your time with a narcissist. This is not about potential psychological conditions which arise from the experience but rather those overriding feelings that exist following the encounter.

Was it bewilderment at how someone who purported to love you could treat you so awfully? Perhaps you feel that your trust has been irreparably damaged so that you can no longer trust anybody else? Maybe you are left feeling miserable, angry or upset? Possibly you now feel proud of how you have managed to cope with what has happened to you?

No doubt there are a number of applicable responses in terms of the major emotional impacts that have occurred as a consequence of your ensnarement with a narcissist or narcissists. If so, do choose as many applicable options before casting your vote and as usual, do expand on your answer and circumstances in the comments.

Thank you for participating.

How has your entanglement with a narcissist impacted on you emotionally?

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81 thoughts on “Poll – How Has Your Entanglement With the Narcissist Affected You Emotionally?

  1. An_eternal_student says:

    The realization took 45yrs in the making from my father’s tendencies all the way through many relationships where i was seeking to mend the parental relationship i did not have.

    A substitute father …and wouldnt you know…i perpetuated the cycle by finding men with similar traits as my father. Alcoholic narcissists. Either drinking or sober.

    I needed to find out what my needs are, whether they were realistic, how or if i could have them met without causing me or others grief…and go from there.

    I know now if im instantly attracted to someone, its probably because they’ve narcissistic tendencies. In my case most often the mid range victim narcissist.

  2. Liz says:

    I really think that PTSD should be a choice. It feels as if I was kidnapped by someone who abused me for 5 years. Even the mention of his name fills me with fear, dread, anxiety. I am thankful for these emotions though because they are how I know that I never want anything else to do with him. I wish I didn’t live in the constant fear of always wondering when he will raise his ugly head again or what revenge he has planned for me since I walked out. He hates losing. Really, really hates it. He controlled me with many manipulations over the years. He thought he could use fear as another tactic but it backfired. That is one road I have been down and will never go down again. Instant deal breaker. And honestly, until he did that, I still tried to believe he loved me even though my love for him had waned badly by then. Once he tried the control through fear, I knew for sure, without doubt, who he really was. I walked out and never looked back.

  3. NP says:

    C-PTSD. Forever on flight mode. Panic attacks, anxiety galore. Triggered always. And then it seems even though I got away, other Narcs, like hyenas, can smell my bleeding raw wounds from a million kms away. And they zoom in for the kill…

    1. BlueOcean says:

      So much agree! Other narcs smell the bleeding!

      1. K says:

        They smell empath blood (feelings) like a Great White shark. Run for your life!

  4. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    That sounds like the perfect place to bury a dead body!

    You’re farther along than I am, HK, as I’m in the early stages of another No Contact. So your words in reminding me of that hope we all share… of those “maybe this time” that we all too often tell ourselves… is helping to keep me on track.

    But as Miranda Lambert says in “Tin Man”….
    “Love is so damn hard!” I just have to keep reminding myself that my version of love and his idea vary greatly. So please wish me well… to keep up the strength in hopes that I make it to where you’re standing. (Shovel or not!)

    Thank you for sharing a piece of your story.

  5. BurntKrispyKeen says:

    I felt the same way, HKGirl. The fellow who hurt me brought out the worst of me. There were times when I thought I should fight fire with fire, but I never could bring myself to completely go there.

    While I don’t know your specific situation, I’m sure that you were hurting. We didn’t ask to be deceived or demeaned or destroyed. When we’re being treated in such a way, it’s easy to lash out… to protect ourselves from further injury.

    That’s why I say we are all more alike than we are different. But it’s those differences that, however small, are huge. You probably didn’t enjoy hurting the person who hurt you… at least not deep down.

    And I bet you did everything that you could do to try and mend the person who hurt you as well as protect yourself. Being here and reaching out shows that you’re still trying, and feeling a bit of guilt is part of the process. Our journey is long, but I have to believe that we will get to wherever we are meant to land, hopefully not too tattered and torn upon that much anticipated arrival.

    While some see emotions as a weakness, I believe that we need to feel the hurt as we walk through the pain… in effort to be able to properly manage it once we finally do reach the other side. (I’ve seen way too many folks suppress that discomfort, only to find that the pain has gained momentum when they are forced to finally face the little monster.)

    For every tear I’ve shed, I’ve gained strength. So I believe that our feelings, when paired with logic and a well-thought-out plan, will help to see us through.

    And we’re fortunate to have access to the teachings of one who will equip us with even more tools to become even stronger within this battle. And I’m eager to learn! But please don’t lose sight that we were just simple human beings, trying to survive…. even if only trying with our insubstantial best.

    Therefore, every time you curled into a ball and cried and cried… or turned the other cheek, just trying to look the other way, praying that you’d see it differently when you turned back around… or for every time you hoped it would get better in time, only to realize it got worse… that disappointment is a perfect breading ground for anger.

    So, don’t be too hard on yourself (unless he’s buried in your back yard)! Because all we can ever hope for is to learn and grow from this experience.
    Smarter & Stronger.

    I wish you the best as you further heal.

    1. HKGirl says:

      Thank you, BurntKK.
      It was the resentment I held in for so long that it built to a monster of its own making.

      But I am free of all of it now and the focus is on me and moving forward in the healthiest way possible.

      I struggled to go NoContact.. somewhere, hoping the next contact would be the one that put things back to right. Haha

      Coming here gave those contacts clarity. My consult gave me further understanding that causing him the great injury truly means any Hoover will always be malicious. And it enabled me to see the ones since his GI as just such. The manipulation.. just so he could tear me down again. The last actual conversation we had he asked me when I had done “anything kind” for him as he couldn’t remember a single thing. He always asked questions like this.. needed me to replay “good times” as if he had dementia. I told him if he couldn’t remember then I must not have. He pushed so I mentioned one.. knowing he would just beat me up with it. BINGO! I actually mentioned a few and he said “I’m not going to listen to you berate me any longer while you dig up the past.” His stupidity is just beyond my understanding.

      I knew then that my back yard was the best place for him.. but he is 1k miles away, safely tucked away on the East Coast.

      So I just buried him from my existence. 😉

  6. I want to point out my relief at understanding only came about from my finding this site.
    There would have been none, had I not found HG’s writings, and the validation of similar experiences from other commenters.

    Thank you very much HG

    And thanks to all you here brave enough to interact with a narcissist again.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

  7. Noname says:

    Sometimes, it was a pity and a disgust (in cases with my Patrinarc).

  8. M. says:

    Guilt for neglecting my people for a piece of garbage, trust issues. But also something not included in the list: the bewildering feeling I am not the same person anymore. I will never fly again, I am on the ground. The ground was necessary for healing and I am used to it now. It feels safer and cleaner, but it is not exactly me.

  9. Elise says:

    It saddens me when a person prefers to do evil rather than good. I believe that deep down inside of the Narc he knows that power, status and brilliance always take a backseat to decency. He carries a bible all the time. This angers me because he is the antithesis of what that book stands for.

  10. Hope says:

    All but the last four. Guess I got hit harder by all this than I realized.
    I’d also like to add, a loss of confidence in myself.

  11. Joy says:

    Yes to all of the above…. satisfied!!!?? Does it make you feel grandious??? You really are sick pricks…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      A quick word there from my agent.

      1. DebbieWolf says:


  12. Antifragile says:

    It feels like a whole world away. Whole world you had with him. Beautiful, with bright colors, full of meaning and happiness and future goals.

    But in the few months the own meaning returns inevitably.
    The “beautiful day without him” comes.
    Somebody on Quora said it takes 6 month in average – I agree, no less, if to take measures like new activities, new friends, new realities without him. AND if the engagement was not deep and long, and the most important part – you understood what happened.
    Previous times (without the Holy Good books Knowledge on the topic, which skips all the “living around questions” part away) it took 2 years and 2 years.

  13. Flighty says:

    Two that I feel are important that are not on that list, which apply to me more than any of those that I ticked:

    Grief, at losing all the things he robbed me of, that I can never have back. I really can’t put it into words to describe the extent of it. But the losses are vast, deep, layered, complicated and significant.

    Violated, at the sustained and repeated emotional rape he subjected me to.

  14. Jeanie says:

    Luckily I figured mine out finally, after 5 yrs. The worst part is not a broken heart or feeling as if I’ve lost anything, but the PTSD that has settled in on me. As if I had been kidnapped and terrorized all that time. Which in a way I was. Any possible contact with him fills me with fear as if something dreadful will happen. I constantly wait for it because once you leave and aren’t on his “side” anymore, revenge is all he contemplates. I stay no contact and keep quiet and hope I can move on peacefully. Deep down I know that I will probably spend the rest of my life with that fear in the pit of my stomach, wondering when his very masterful, well laid out plan of exacting his revenge will play out.

  15. Narc Angel says:

    Relief at finally getting the answers here to all of the questions I had about his behaviour and what was driving him. Pride at managing the best that I could without having that information at the time. He did affect the way that I now operate and respond to things (always analysis), but never letting him erase me completely while I was his hostage. Fuck that dead failure of a human being-I remain and am stronger than he ever believed himself to be. He faced his failure in the end.

  16. narc affair says:

    Great poll as ever. I chose almost all the choices except the two that pertained to having left the narcissist bc i havent.
    The emotion that has impacted me most is grief and shock. Grief over having lost what i thought he was. I really thought we had so much chemistry but now i wonder bc hes changed so much the past 2 years. Im certain hes got another source of supply on the side hes just as involved with as he is with me. Shock that he can flip a switch and turn off certain feelings.
    Confusion is another biggie. He makes a huge effort to always be there for me and does things to makes me feel special so how can he be so mean and covertly hurtful other times??? He talks about feeling empathy for people in certain situations yet goes online and antagonizes liberal political sites. He laughs at liberals who are upset that trumps president and enjoys the conflict of it all. Thats so ugly and shows true character. Yes i know facade facade facade… his facade seems so damn real though!
    Pretty much all the options covered how ive felt being ensnared by my narc. If i had left him i know missing him and wondering how id go on would be definites. These thoughts cause me fear and anxiety and i try to push them to the back and temporarily forget them.

  17. HKGirl says:

    The worst for me has been coming to terms with my own behavior during the relationship. There were times I was as abusive if not more than he was.

    1. Tappan Zee says:

      HKGirl– i doubt your abuse was “worse” nor do i suspect it was even actually abuse. they provoke in unbelievable ways. i have never been one to blame. owing my poor behavior to me. me. me. but with eyes wide open i am looking back at so-called ‘poor behavior’ on my part and none, NONE happened in a vacuum. none were not in constant constellational struggle of being ensnared. it helps for me to think of it as a ginormous power which made me do things (gah taylor swift) but seriously. out of the narc relationship, NO i would never behave those ways. in it? all bets off. forgive yourself. for being ensnared. you are not bad. most of our ‘awful’ behavior is fuel and intentional. one more mind numbing manipulation. AAAAAAAAAAAND we flagellate ourselves. what a perfect storm for them.

  18. JAX says:

    When I finally realized what I was dealing with…when I realized that this was an illness and not something I did or didn’t do it was a relief. It’s not any easier to disentangle myself exactly, but at least I now have some insight. There’s no longer that all consuming question of “what could I have done differently?” “Why wasn’t I good enough?” I do feel extreme guilt at allowing myself to be isolated so easily from friends and family. Shocking the grooming process, the manipulation that happens and you don’t even realize it! But, why would a person? It’s not something people in conventional relationships do.

  19. Free from your spell says:

    I am relieved because of the end and feel myself stronger than before. The only concern is that he is going crazy from the No contact and is trying different things again and again. I am empath and don’t want somebody to suffer. This is tearing my heart. So, to maintain No contact is very hard for me, but I am in such a period that I want to make new experience and broaden my borders. So, the situation is interesting and for the first time I want to protect and love myself before others! That is the time not to fall down again in his manipulations.
    Wish me luck. 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You do not need luck, just apply the tools you learn from me.

    2. Free from your spell,

      I’ll wish you strength,
      Keep ignoring him while you keep learning.
      His suffering is not the same as your hurt.
      Fuel is replaceable, and he can soon get it elsewhere, as long as you don’t provide it..
      The person you fell in love with, was him mirroring you.
      So,you love yourself directly.
      It’s great you are understanding that.

      Besides, when they are not “being” us, they usually become the opposite. If he was like that all the time, you wouldn’t have loved him in the first place.
      Think of him at his worst if you feel tempted to break No Contact, because that guy is guaranteed to turn up again if you let him back in to your life.And he won’t care if he hurts you.

      Continue strong,


  20. Dickforlong says:

    I was always shocked…

    Even though I was very sarcastic with him, the sarcasm was never contemptuous. I was genuinely confused and had a knit brow all the time.

    My greatest fear is recovering from the IMMENSE damage.

    I have spent years in fear, adrenaline rushing, shaky… My system has literally been overloaded with emotion and self doubt.

    Now I have thyroid issues and systemic lupus and I KNOW it’s from allowing this abuse to happen my entire life….

    WHATEVER DAMAGE YOU THINK IS HAPPENING IS 100 TIMES WORSE THAN YOU BELIEVE . I am still unearthing broken pieces of myself… The parts of myself I left behind so long ago I forgot they ever existed.


  21. Catherine says:

    Sadness, bewilderment and anger first and foremost. I loved him, I trusted him with my very sensitive heart, I gave him my all and I treated him with respect and honesty. And all kinds of personality disorders aside, he broke my heart like it’s never ever been broken before.

    I’m still at this stage of cognitive dissonance I guess, and I alternate between realising just how much of an abuser he was and still kind of feeling stuck in the reality he imposed on me where I was to blame for everything and where I somehow still feel that our explosive end to the relationship must be my fault. I read somewhere once that if a relationship is reduced to one sign only of abuse, that sure sign would be when one of the persons involved can’t ever accept responsibility for anything which he/she does, when blame is always shifted. Concisely, that’s about it. It summarises the complete abusive cycle. I knew early on in my relationship that this was the case for me; I do know he’s a complete asshole, I recognise so much of his behaviour, if not the triangulation part, reading the articles here and logically I’m in no doubt at all. And I do know that it doesn’t matter really what kind of abuser and manipulator he is, be it a narcissist or a psychopath/sociopath, he’s still someone I can’t be close to ever again. I need from now on to protect myself. But then there’s my heart again, telling me all those stories I used to make up during the years, of his behaviour being due to stress at work, plain insensitivity, a bad day/years, or maybe something to do with me, I wasn’t understanding enough, I wasn’t paying him enough attention, I should have done something/anything another way and maybe we would’ve been fine. Of course that’s complete bullshit, I made him the centre of my universe, it was all about him, and right there is a clear sign if any of an unhealthy relationship. But I do still miss him. To me he wasn’t a disorder, he is the man who used to hold me tight falling asleep at night, the man who always wanted boiled eggs for breakfast, never eating them when he finally got them; the man who could smile at me across the room and make my knees tremble. I did love him, even if I now understand that he never loved me. That’s just so confusing.

    And last but not least, I am actually proud of how I’ve handled the breakup. When he physically abused me I knew he had crossed some line and finally I actually had some boundaries. No man is ever allowed to do that to me, even if the emotional abuse seems so much worse to me now in retrospect. I had a trip booked the next day and bruised all over I still got on that plane, ending up staying longer than I had planned. And even though I still miss him months later, he’ll never know; I won’t tell him. I’m not a revengeful person, and I just want to get on with my life. I’ve started to write again, not having written anything substantial at all during my years with him, I’m feeling stronger by the day, and I do think my experience in some way will in the long run make me a better person for realising I need to confront my past and my childhood. And when I do fall in love again in the future maybe I will be guarding my heart in a more healthy way, knowing my boundaries and never accepting responsibility for someone else’s problems, but I still believe in love and romance. I think this experience has also taught me to watch my own behaviour more closely, being mindful of not hurting someone else, being even more empathetic I think. So I’m proud. We all should be no matter what.

    1. Bekah B says:

      This was beautiful, Catherine.. Well wishes to you.. 🙂

      1. Catherine says:

        Thank you Bekah B! Well wishes to you too!

  22. I have sadness for losing something that WAS/IS still special, to the work of a Mid-Ranger. This is NOT a relationship. I also have guilt, for my faults impeding my ability to fight more effectively. Misery, etc., but for different reasons than listed by HG.
    I also have a bit of “tough as nails” pride for still being my SE self after almost 3 years of ambient abuse executed by my Narc next door and the local police.
    Sgt ‘I’m gonna steal your guns” has recently been dismissed for “unethical behavior”. I outlasted him and now is the time to start talking (and stop singing hehe). Yes, I CAN do both pretty well.
    Go team Empath Down with corruption Up with I probably need at least one more player other than myself. ~_^

  23. Windstorm2 says:

    I checked a whole bunch. I based this on my relationship with my Moron in Munich since he was my latest narc entanglement.

    1. Sadness of the loss of something special. I though maybe this could be a pleasant end of life relationship.
    2. Embarrassment at being gullible. I pride myself on my intelligence and rationality. I can’t abide being tricked.
    3. Fear of how to recover. Lots of uncertainty and didn’t know what to do at first. Have a great counselor. That got me off in the right direction.
    4. Shock at what ensnared me. I just thought he was some what crazy. I’d have never thought he was a narcissist because he was shy and introverted – not like my conception of narcs. I didn’t know a narc could lack self-confidence.
    5. Relief at understanding. Being here in the blog, I have expanded my understanding of narcs so much. For me, with knowledge always comes relief.
    6. Pride at how I’d coped. I came up with a game plan, found information, studied him as an experiment and have reached a fairly thorough understanding of him and midrangers in general. I feel I have turned my embarrassment and loss into success.

    1. Windstorm,

      “I feel I have turned my embarrassment and loss into success.”

      Yes! I love your pride in this!


      1. Windstorm2 says:

        Thank you 😊

  24. Salome says:

    First came the
    without knowing yet with who I have to deal

    Second was the
    SHOCK at learning the truth of what ensnared me

    And short time later kind of
    RELIEF at finally realising what was happening

    And now I feel the
    PRIDE at how I have coped with the situation

  25. I see misery from missing the narcissist and despair at losing the narcissist were least picked. 2 boxes I did not check.

    Dear Narc,

    How can I miss you if you won’t GO THE F**K AWAY??!!


  26. Rachel says:

    Honestly, it’s a cycle of all of these emotions and more. They hit at different times, depending on what has reminded me of the narcissist.

    The good times or the bad times, or the stalking after the end of the official relationship… the phone hacking… the reminders of each tactic narcissist used and my flashback to our arguments where now I make the connection of how it is just part of his programing.

    It’s every emotion on the spectrum that comes in waves over me as I think of him.

    And even when I don’t.

  27. Dustin says:

    I’ll answer this question after my December 11th court date regarding a protection order filed under false claims that I was arrested for twice.. Almost 7 years with this terrible woman.

    1. Dustin,

      I don’t know if you’ve read this article yet. It may help .


      Gather every bit of physical evidence you can, and if you have any, witnesses.
      Be the calm reasonable person in court, and do not speak directly to her. Do not show any emotion to what she says or does.If you have counsel, make sure any and all communication goes through him/her.

      You may even want to consult with HG as a step in getting ready for court.

      I hope to see you here again.
      I hope you win in court.


  28. PhoenixRising says:

    My narc parents left me with c-ptsd. My narc left me with untold hurt and anger. I miss the companionship I had with him, but I am healing. I feel like I am finally ready to block him on my social media. It has been a process.

  29. J says:

    I think “numb” or “empty” is missing from the list. When NC was finally achieved, in that very moment, I noticed how quiet and empty the world seemed. Before there was always a chance (however small) that there was a way forward, but after there was none, I felt a great emotional nothing open up. He was a HUGE part of my life and now there is just a hole where he lived.

    1. Windstorm2 says:

      I remember feeling that numbness and that there was a gigantic hole in my life. I remember it and how sad and depressed I was, but that’s all gone now. I haven’t felt that way for years. Now there is no hole and my life and happiness are so much better than they ever were before. Just keep moving forward and life will heal you and fill that hole with better things.

      1. J says:

        Thank you, Wind…

      2. Nuit Étoilée says:

        Windstorm, not a message meant for me, yet I’m moved to tears.

        This really helped me. Thank you. xx

  30. 12345 says:

    Humiliated. I’m not a man hater by nature. I still don’t hate men. When I was younger I genuinely thought I had complete control over men. I could make them do anything.

    It’s pretty embarrassing to learn that I never did. Zero control. I do realize control should never have been the goal in relationships but I had so little control as a child that I made it my mission to try to control men as I got older.

    The jokes on me!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Maybe, but now you understand so the joke is over.

  31. Lola says:

    Bewilderment. Once I stumbled upon info about Narcs it was like a beacon of light through the fog of confusion.

  32. You left out Betrayed.

  33. BlueOcean says:

    When all the hurt and anger is evaporated there is still just love for him left and remembering the golden periods and the strong desire to please him, in spite of all the evidence of his cruelties, scheming/plotting, mistreatment and just simple using of human beings without empathy or moral. It really is a scary testament to and revelation of the weaknesses of ones personality – to be in denial believing in the good, and to always be able to forgive and to love someone that one clearly could do so very much better without. This one is generally perceived as extremely handsome and intelligent too so I guess that further adds to the strong attachment.

  34. SuperXena says:

    Very interesting Poll..

    Relief: As soon as I got knowledge through learning how/why a narcissist functions gave me an incredible feeling of relief and release:
    All the “what ifs” and “whys “that kept me chained to him vanished. Giving me the empowerment to finally release me from him to obtain freedom.

    Pride: it feels good to have kept no contact for 24 months now( after 6 years as IPPS)following not always an easy but rather a tough ,strict regime taking all the required measures : deleting ,blocking him everywhere…raising the Hoover bar…. And reinforcing my decision even more through knowledge as time goes by ….

  35. Lisa says:

    Totally embarrassed at ever being with him. The tHiNg! Angry at being so gullible right from the start. Other people knew what he was, but never warned me. So angry at the whole loss of time to have had a normal life. So relieved and proud of myself for searching for the truth, finding it and moving on, so far, to the best of my ability. But can I truly trust anyone else? Probably not.

    1. K says:

      I warned his current IPPS and told everyone I knew that my MMRN is a pathological narcissist.

      1. Lisa says:

        At least you tried K. Good for you!! A ‘friend’ of tHiNg came up to me only the other day and asked why I was ever with him. He called him all sorts of negative names. But, of course, he was one that never said a word at the time. Makes me wonder why??? Why now??

    2. K says:

      Thank you, Lisa. Your ‘friend’ behaved like an ass. I would have warned you and, like you, I wonder why? Why now!?!! Why not tell you before all the damage and heartbreak? I am not afraid to speak out about NPD irrespective of what people think.

      1. Lisa says:

        Good for you K. Don’t stop doing it. Even if there are those that don’t want to hear it just yet. In time, they will.

  36. K says:

    1. Sadness
    2. Bewildered, Shanghaied, Micky Finned & Ambushed
    3. Fucking rage
    4. I trust myself and no one else, for now
    5. Shock (NPD/disordered personality, WTF!)
    6. Relief (thank God, I know what it is now & I was targeted)
    7. Pride (I am not in jail for murder, so I take great pride in that)
    8. Not guilt, more like regret, for the loss of time and energy spent in an abusive relationship.

    P.S. None of this was my fault.

    1. dickforlong says:

      I laughed at your #7.
      One of my favorite sayings to the narc was “you realize, people have been killed for less”.

      I had many nights resisting a very strong primeval urge to smother him as he slept peacefully (of course only after destroying me)

      I hated that SO MUCH.

      1. K says:

        dickforlong & Nuit Étoilée
        I had to giggle at # 7, too. Intense feelings can elicit strong primal urges that can cause an internal struggle. I understand your pillow conundrum completely.

    2. Windstorm2 says:

      I like #7

      1. Nuit Étoilée says:

        *giggle* Me too

      2. K says:

        Thank you, WS2! I am still navigating the emotional sea, but it is getting better everyday that I am here.

  37. L. Carwell says:

    It’s difficult to pick only one, because I think most of us experience all of these. What’s not included is this repulsion to anyone being near me. The thought of human contact makes my skin crawl.

  38. Amy says:

    Caused me to realize there is darkness in the world, that I must create my own reality, that people are more fucking interesting than I gave them credit for, that I am very strong, that I’m not babysitting anymore, that I am supremely valuable, that vampires are real

  39. Bekah B says:

    How many others have checked everything except “Pride at how you have coped with the situation”?

  40. Marjorie Murphy says:

    What im left with is so messed up. Wow! Where to start? How about my brain and my health? Very damaged from all the lies and gaslighting. My finances? Bankrupt. My children? Like smoke damages everything in a fire the narc has done smoke damage in all areas of my life and my adult children’s lives. Struggling to make sense of the mountain of lies and shit he piled in just for something to do. Fml. How can anyone justify screwing things up this badly for anyone let alone someone the narc claims to love? His own family? Im 57 and starting over with nothing. Well except an intention to reopen mental institutions and lobby the government to do what should have been done long ago. Lock them ALL up. Im now homeless. My narc is going to take responsibility though one way or another. Exposing all his dirty, rotten lies and crimes like pedophaelia, rape, etc. There is no good reason not to lock up ALL narcopaths for being so destructive.

  41. Coco says:

    I’m one year post divorce from my sociopath narc ex husband. With the passing of time, my sadness has turned to anger. I’m not sure the anger will ever go away completely. However, since separation almost 2 years ago, I have emerged stronger than I ever thought I would. Truth be told, I had no choice. With two teenage sons at home and only his family locally, I had to pick myself up and support my children. I’m all these boys have in terms of parental love, sanity and financial/emotional support. Now when I look at the ex, I see a pitiful, empty soul who has ruined his own life. Among other things, in the last two years he’s been fired from two good jobs, evicted from two apartments, had 2 motorcycles and a truck repossessed. He’s now unemployed, broke, moving back into his parent’s home and trying desperately to spin it all as not his fault…all while not paying a dime to support his children. I’m sure I get blamed for most of his misfortune. Oh well! The way I see it is he is now his family of origin’s burden. It feels good to no longer take responsibility for saving him from himself and cleaning up his messes. That was a lot of work, and it was thankless and unapreciated! I can now focus my energy and effort on my boys and I creating a new, narc-free life.

  42. Gabrielle says:

    Pretty much all of these apply to me in some manner except for the last one. But on the heels of my letter which I submitted last night for consideration, I chose embarrassment and gullibility for being so naïve and stupid.

  43. DebbieWolf says:

    Sadness. Anger. Relief and Pride.
    I have selected those, exactly as listed.
    But the two feelings that are the strongest of them are sadness and relief.

    I am pleased with how I am facing it and continuing on. I’m really pleased with knowing I’ve done the right thing for me.
    I did escape the situation and the relief comes into it in as much as I could have given up my home and everything.. left everything behind and been in a much worse situation which has been avoided.
    So I am proud that I recognised it before the rug was completely pulled from under my feet.

    I put on a brave front.. I am encouraging to myself and also to other people and I am sincere in this.
    However I still feel terribly sad deep down.

    I am used to bereavement. The feelings are very familiar and very similar.

    At the end of the day my relationship was dying and I had to step in and kill it.. I had to put myself out of my misery..

    Has it worked?

    Yes. but it’s a funny thing with this kind of pain. It diminishes but because it’s a slow process it is still felt. It’s only when something else occurs i.e. recently I had a trigger and I felt really stressed out, quite panicked.. I realised that I used to feel like that every day!!! and comparing that to how I am now it’s a world away from it.

    So that is why I say “keep going” . You may have seen my posts with that in them and things like.”onwards” and words like “it’s one step at a time”… as I’ve said before “not platitudes’ but real actions.

    It’s true that one day you turn around and realise how far you have come..as I have.
    My journey continues..just like all of yours do too.


    1. DebbieWolf says:

      Thank you HG for these polls.
      Being asked the questions and pondering the answers is very cathartic and is also another way of answering as to how far we may or may not have progressed in states of mind.
      I find it very useful and helpful.
      Thanks for being here HG for lifting the veil, for giving us answers and for guiding us with the best actions to take going further forward.

    2. dickforlong says:

      So true…

      Our life is not destroyed overnight.

      It will never be repaired over night.

      1. DebbieWolf says:



        These experiences certainly take time aswell as their toll.

  44. Ting says:

    I wasn’t bewildered at how I could be treated this way because I always knew he would throw me under the bus before he would take the blame for anything. I was angry over the control I had given him and how he had betrayed me our whole marriage. I realize he worked me little by little each year we were together until I was a shell of what I used to be. I let him treat my children and family like crap and I felt guilty for putting them through that for years and not standing up to him. I was a strong person and I let all of this happen. I was angry at myself probably more than I was angry at him. He really is a worthless pile of sh**.

  45. Jaysle says:

    Narcissists almost seem inhuman. In my mind they’re like terminators (the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies) – human tissue over robotic parts. How else can you explain a living thing that sets its sights on a target and can acquire the target effectively because of its ability to operate off of minimal sleep, lack of sickness (so it can’t be slowed down), and lack of emotion, just to name few…to watch one search for an emotion that is foreign to them, like sadness or grief over the death of a loved one is like watching a robot search for the appropriate programmed response. It’s quite eerie.

  46. T. Fox says:

    The only thing I can compare it to is maybe a drug withdrawl. I wake up feeling physically sick because I miss him so much, food doesn’t taste the same, time goes slower, and everything lacks excitement. There is only one way to fix it and I know that. I don’t want to start the circle of abuse over because I know realistically only a line can progress but then I think it’s just one last time for old time’s sake, right? It’s getting harder though to keep this chrade up though. Now that I am aware I can no longer be unaware… he some how knows that I know. I woke up to him watching me sleep the other night at 4 am then got up and let without a word as if to say “I’m bored with you “…. and I knew the silent treatment would follow. The only part I cling on to lately is the realization that I don’t miss him just the person I was when he was mirrioring back myself to me and making me idolize something that isn’t real. I often find comfort knowing that deep down I’m a lot smarter and stronger than he can ever imagine… his favorite line when he feels me pulling away is “you’re a lot smarter than you even know yourself so much potential” when trying to manipulate me and one day soon I hope to show this intelligence by running and never looking back.

  47. Flickatina says:

    Well shit….every single one of them…….

  48. cc says:

    My biggest loss was spiritual. I was praying the Rosary, etc.every day before I let him in. Now I’m having the hardest time making myself pray before meals. Now praying feels like a chore even though I’ve stopped seeing him. The things he made me do caused me feel too ashamed to present myself to God.
    I never know if or when I’ll slip again.

  49. Judith says:

    I’m sure you would love for me to say I am destroyed! I’m the one that discarded my N sister. Yes I have trust issues, hurt, and anger. But she never broke me! I hope to never see her again! She does not deserve the pleasure of my company. Narcissist are nothing but cowards, and
    parasitic predators!

  50. Blank says:

    All of them, except pride. Pride is something I can’t deal with.

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