The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 5


91 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Icicles – No. 5

  1. NarcAngel says:

    I just stumbled upon your post here regarding the situation with the 8 yr old (?). I have missed a few so I think WordPress gremlins are acting up again. Not sure what situation or 8 yr old you are referring to, but in answer to your question about what if someone had been aware of my situation?…
    There were many who were aware of what was going on but they either feared him, or reasoned that if my mother was not going to leave the situation, what could they do? He was violent and abusive in front of people and most would try to put a spin on it (he just had too much to drink or didnt mean what he said, or made a joke) and I marvelled at how cowardly and weak they were. If they were just acquaintances they usually just didnt return and faded away. Family definately knew. Watching adults in various relationships buckling under to a narc and giving into their abuse instead of standing up to it or escaping it, and then being denied and ignored by a god who never answers is when hope dies for a child. Is it any wonder the cycle continues on both sides?

    1. MB says:

      NA, thank you so much for your reply. It’s my DIL’s niece. My DIL’s mother is a narcissist. (Confirmed by The. HG.) The little girl is the oldest of 3 daughters belonging to my DIL’s narc sister. The girl is by a different father than the other 2, and seems to be the scapegoat. They all three suffer abuse by the sister (their mother). It’s such a helpless feeling to be aware of it, but unable to change it. My DIL spends time with them as much as she can, but the toxic influence is much greater than any effect she can have. There is a lot of manipulation of her using the girls. She must walk a fine line or risk being cut out of their lives. The children are the ones that suffer. It’s all so very sad. Why does God let people like that procteate? There are so many people that would give anything to be parents.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Ah. Your Dil should not underestimate her influence and continue to see and interact with them as much as she can. The abuse causes mistrust, and when good people cannot deal with the narc and remove or distance themselves, it can be seen as another betrayal or abandonment by the child. If they stay involved (to the extent that they can) it shows that everyone does not abandon you and that there are good people who if nothing else (due to trust issues of the child) give you a reprieve from the abuse. As the girls get older they will hopefully see and appreciate her presence in their lives and if they are ever to open up, she will have offered them an opportunity. I could never overcome my belief that whatever I confided to someone would get back to Stepnarc (or my mother, which would have had the same result) because I saw that normal -people believed that they could resolve issues through reasoning and discussion with other adults, and that was not the case in my home. I did almost tell a couple of teachers at school (one in particular) who did not pry but who continued to show me kindness and made themselves available to me for discussion should I have been able to overcome my mistrust and fear of repercussion. I never did, (I was afraid to be separated from my siblings) but I still think of those teachers with kindness, and with age see more clearly what they tried to do and I wish they could know how much I appreciate it. Your Dil could be the only stable thing in those girls life and instill hope when they feel none. Never underestimate the power of just being available.

        1. windstorm says:

          That is so true. I have witnessed how powerful extended family is in the lives of children. My own children benefited greatly from their aunts and uncles (even the narc uncles). I am very close to my nieces even now when they are grown and have children of their own. They have told me what an impact I had on their childhood (and I’m a reclusive, hands-off kind of person).

          It’s the stability. The knowing that you will always be there for them when they need you. Knowing that you are aware of their reality and you are a constant source of stability for them.

          Even my exhusband does a great job of that with his nieces and nephew. His narc brothers and BILs kids know they can always turn to him for legal help and advice, and they often do.

        2. MB says:

          Wow, NA. Thank you so much! I will share this with my DIL. The heartbreaking thing is that she will be moving 10 hours away from them in October. (With my son 💔). I hope I will survive! Being passed back and forth between a narc grandmother and narc mother that use the girls as pawns and appliances is utterly unbearable to think about. They are on again off again. The daughter keeping the girls from their grandmother to punish them and her. It’s all so childish and cruel. As you’ve said before, it’s the children that pay the price.

    2. IdaNoe says:

      NarcAngel, I haven’t read anything about your story before. I just saw this comment. But i understand. My story is similar. Not as violent. 2 Narc parents who played all the narc games with me and allowed others to abuse me as well, all for keeping up appearances. I think mine were more into keeping up the facade than yours. So the abuse was hidden mostly. But I showed all the signs of an abused child including the sexual signs. People saw. People made comment on my “oddness”. Family, teachers , neighbors, they all saw. But no one did anything because my parents were just such great people. Everyone always told me what great, kind, compassionate people my parents were and how lucky I was. I prayed too. No answer. Until finally I just believed it was my job in life to suffer for others. That i had worth by how much I could endure. That because God had made me so strong, to repay that I must endure, withstand. So I courted that in life. The more is suffered and struggled, the more praise I got from matrinarc and “grace” from God. Its sick shit.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        I have read your posts and can identify wirh much of your experiences and observations. A letter to the narcissist no 15 (I think its 15 that starts with: I was 5 yrs old..) will give you a piece of my background instead of me boring everyone with a rehash of information.

        1. IdaNoe says:

          NarcAngel, I read your letter. Thank you for writing it and allowing me to read it. I dont read most letters or comments, only occasionally. I get emotionally swamped. What I can say to you is I’m proud of you. I’m proud of how strong you are. I’m proud you didn’t break. And I’m happy you found the truth. You are a shining light and i appreciate you sharing your story. With many tears, thank you.

  2. Empress1 says:

    I wish we could click agree to posts!!!!

  3. Presque Vu says:

    Projection darling…. *as I take a puff on my cigarette and blow it his way*

    1. IdaNoe says:


  4. Lori says:

    Well I must say I loved therapy but eventually I got kicked and told I was in good shape and ready to graduate from therapy but I loved going! It’s like a spa for your brain and emotions

    1. Caroline says:

      Lori, mine has therapy dogs. I joked that when I get better, I’ll have to make something up so I can keep going.

  5. Caroline says:

    (said blankly):
    “I’m sorry, and you are…? ”

    or “I don’t recognise your qualifications to speak over my life. Desist forthwith” (walk away with dignity intact)

    or “any comments of that nature are inappropriate and unacceptable”. Optional extra of ‘talk to the hand’ gesture enacted just prior to saying the words.

  6. alexissmith2016 says:

    HG, you wrote a poem a while back, I forget exactly what it was called and my search hasn’t produced the result I’d hoped for. I do recall it ended, ‘…I am the hurt and I’m coming for you’

    Could you kindly remind me where to find it please.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I might delegate this to librarian K.

      1. K says:

        On it.

      2. alexissmith2016 says:

        Okay, thank you HG.

        I’ll be sat by my phone, looking at the clock, watching and waiting

      1. alexissmith2016 says:

        You’re fab! Thank you K

        1. K says:

          My pleasure, alexissmith2016! And thank you for the compliment!

      2. Lou says:

        Wow, K, you’re good! It took you less than one minute to find it.

        1. K says:

          Thank you, Lou!
          Some of the searches are real fast, others, not so much and then you have to fiddle with the words. Also, articles come up quicker than comments, usually.

  7. K says:

    Picture day: aged six. My bother is the narcissist and I am the empath; we were both violent by age five. Violence was quotidian during my childhood and it is a permanent part of our personalities.

    Are Empaths Born or Made: (according to this article, they are born)
    “On a related note, some people learn to turn their empathic ability “off” or “down” as a survival mechanism when they are young.”

    1. MB says:

      K violent?

      1. K says:

        All of my behaviour is context driven or instinct. So, as long as I have empathy then I am not violent.

        1. MB says:

          Even more confused K. I guess it’s not sinking in today 😐

          1. windstorm says:

            I think I understand her. Violence and aggression is an instinctive defense method she’s developed for when she feels threatened by narc behavior. Otherwise she has empathy. If she sees the other person show empathy, she responds in kind.
            I have a friend that way. Both his parents are lessers, too, like K’s.

          2. MB says:

            Thank you Windstorm, I felt like I had entered some kind of altered reality. I guess I kinda did.

          3. K says:

            Exactly! It is defensive and instinctive.

          4. WhoCares says:

            I think I understand this K, but not from personal experience…

            When I was tying up loose ends in dealing with my entanglement – and realizing that complete strangers had more empathy than the people (closest to me) who *should* have been able to demonstrate empathy – I had an interesting (also rather costly) and very memorable lesson.

            First, where ‘family’ have let me down in unimaginable ways; practical strangers can be completely and utterly understanding and supportive. (This is an ongoing lesson for me.)

            Second, I learned being invited for coffee by a near (male) stranger (post-narc) almost causes me heart palpitations.

            Third, sometimes it’s okay to put your fears aside (cautiously.)

            Doing this third thing allowed me to have a conversation that completely took me by surprise, but was a gift of learning in more ways than one…

            So, over coffee I heard a story of childhood abuse that shocked me to the core…the abuse orginated in this person’s biological family and then later more abuse at the hands of the staff members at a ‘training facility’ which was really just a front for physical abuse of the young boys. This person almost died at that training school.

            Fortunately, for this individual, children’s services intervened and he was taken and put with a foster family. He told me that he had an awakening while sitting at the dining room table with this family…when he could not understand how they could just sit there having discussions, disagreements and ‘arguing’ about stuff *without* hauling off and hitting and beating each other. He realized that there was another way of being. But he had never known anything else. And all he had ever learned was that, in a conflict, you better take the other person down first – or you’re going down.

            He subsequently went through years of therapy to ‘re-learn’ how not to respond this way.

            I’m aware these situations exist but I was taken a back by his story and the fact that – someone with this particular life experience – after asking me one or two questions (about my relationship fallout) he recognized that I must have come through *something* …to have this validated by someone who lived what he lived through – was jaw-dropping to me.

            K – The actual reason I shared this is because reading of the family experiences that you hinted at reminded me of that conversation over coffee…and because I don’t fully understand what that does to a person (my situation didn’t really involve physical abuse) but it puts me in awe of people who come through that and still have the generosity in them to reach out to others.

            I’m just really happy that you’re around, K, being the person that you are.

          5. K says:

            Thank you for understanding, WhoCares
            My Marcus Aurelius mask has slipped. It is really odd when practical strangers are kind and display empathy. Usually, I am shocked and a little suspicious but it feels nice when it happens, especially if I think it is genuine (that can be tricky to figure out). There are many kind people here with “real empathy” and that is rare.

            That stranger was right; there was another way of being and I saw it when I went over to my friend’s houses. Their homes were clean and their parents seemed to care about them and no one got punched out at dinnertime. My classmates all had GI Joe, Spiderman or Barbie lunch boxes and their mom’s packed them good things to eat. I had a paper bag and I got rotten apples and gross sandwiches. Most of the time, I just trashed my lunch.

            Childhood violence and abuse can leave horrific scars and impact children with catastrophic results, however, through it all I was able to hide, and keep, my empathy/love so I will always reach out to others and help when I can. It is what we, empaths, just naturally do.

            Apparently, my personality is fixed so I won’t be changing much and I am happy to be here with you and all the other bloggers. All the cool empaths are here, after all.

          6. MB says:

            Yes they are K! All the cool empaths are here. Except for the ones that haven’t found us yet. They’ll be along in due course. Google will lead the way here. I’ve seen many new participants here lately. When I see them, I smile and know the weaponization movement is gaining traction every day.

          7. K says:

            Sorry about that; let me clarify. I am programmed to operate as an empath so my empathy keeps my narc traits in check, however, sometimes my empathy “shuts-off” and then my narc traits come to the fore: hatred, rage or violence but, because I have logic, I am able to control those narc traits most of the time.

            When I was little, I suppressed my empathy and I did not control my hatred, rage or violence.

            When in Rome, do as the Romans do; when living with the lessers, do as the lessers do; when living in the middle class, do as the middle class does.

            It is all instinct.

          8. MB says:

            So it’s all about survival K? Everybody does what they must in defense of oneself. That’s at the root of all this shittiness after all!

          9. K says:

            Yes, it is all about survival and instinct. No one taught me empathy so I must have been born with it. We all have a shadow or dark side (Carl Jung) but I also have light.

            My parents were the epitome of shitty.

          10. MB says:

            K, I hate that your parents were “the epitome of shitty”. Do you consider that as child abuse? I think about you being in the school and seeing the same type scenario that you were brought up in and wondered what your thoughts were.

            Also, I’ve been wondering about your thoughts on the narcissists in your life before you found HG and the blog. Before HG, I was headed in the right direction. When I read ‘The Sociopath Next Door’, I got cold chills and felt sure that’s what my narc was. I wasn’t far off. There was just a lot more to the story. Bless HG for filling in all of the blanks. He has been a true Godsend.

            Thank you in advance for sharing K 🙂

          11. K says:

            You are welcome, MB
            My parents were very abusive to me and my three siblings (and each other) and they should have been jailed: life without parole.

            Between the ages of 5-6, I wanted my parents dead and by third grade God was number one on the Death List, followed by my parents, twin, narc sister and all the nuns and priests in my elementary school.

            Before narcsite, I thought all of my narcissists were stupid and lazy and I ignored most of them and I told my MMRN that he was a piece of shit, asshole, scumbag, loser, cunt, etc. for choosing his IPSS over his family.

            Once I came here and realized what I was dealing with, I felt so much better. I thought I was losin’ it but it just turns out that we live in different realities.

          12. MB says:

            You are a very strong woman and survivor K. I admire you.

          13. K says:

            Thank you, MB
            I am wearing my Marcus Aurelius mask (he practiced stoicism) and I am ready for action.

            Sadly, there isn’t much that can be done for children who are emotional abused until people become more aware and laws are passed, so our hands are tied on this issue. We have to spread awareness and schools have the power to educate students about emotional violence and domestic violence organizations/shelters should do more to promote awareness, as well.

            Unfortunately, I see a lot of social blindness and pushback. People refuse to “see” the truth or they explain it away and the children suffer because of this.

          14. NarcAngel says:

            “People refuse to “see” the truth or they explain it away and the children suffer because of this.”

            Yup. And thats why some people will see me as such a bitch here. There is collateral damage that has no choice in the matter in addition to the immediate target.

          15. K says:

            I think it is called cognitive distortion and, when I experience it, I am amazed at the things people will say to convince themselves that something isn’t true or it isn’t as bad as I am making it out to be. I think you have 20/20 and you are not a bitch; you are perceptive and logical.

          16. MB says:

            NA, I’ve not been one to think you are a bitch. I’m team NA all the way!!!! The child victims are the most tragic. They have no power to change their own circumstances. You give them a voice here. I feel so helpless on the outside looking in on the situation with the 8 year old little girl. What is your advice? If someone had been aware of your situation, an aunt, a friend of a friend, etc., is there anything they could’ve done to help you? (Besides kidnapping!)

          17. K says:

            Cognitive distortion is emotional thinking. Almost 11 million!

          18. Pale Horse says:

            This is me! I completely relate. I am generally in empath mode until the “need” to turn it off. I think this is why I am sometimes conflicted in regards to my then-marriage to my Ex-N. I believe that she somehow knew that I had N traits in me, ones that could come to the forefront when necessary, although these instances are few and far between (empath disclaimer!). Thus, whether intentionally or not, her accusations about selfishness, etc., kept me questioning myself. I must say, however, that I was not able to call upon such traits when needed the most, the post-disengagement…..

          19. K says:

            Pale Horse
            My empathy switched back on post disengagement and I was left broken hearted and confused (the aftermath) and that is how I found my way here.

          20. Pale Horse says:

            I was just a mess. Also, confused and sad….

          21. K says:

            I am sorry Pale Horse. I remember that feeling and it was awful.

          22. Pale Horse says:

            Thanks, K. On the mend!

          23. NarcAngel says:

            Pale Horse
            You bet she was counting on you having some n traits that would come to the forefront with her accusations, as that causes you to react and pour forth the delicious negative fuel.

        2. MB says:

          Different K!!!

          1. K says:

            On a positive note, I have all ten traits listed in Sitting Target so it is all good!

          2. MB says:

            K, I don’t know what was wrong with me yesterday. Could’ve been the 20 hrs of road tripping to Indiana and back in three days!(The people there ARE super nice btw.)

            I saw this comment where you put a “u” in behavior and came to the conclusion that you must not be the same K.

          3. K says:

            You didn’t do anything wrong and my comments weren’t helpful (I was being lazy). There is another K on the blog and sometimes I read the comments and think: I don’t remember writing that. Then I look at the gravatar and realize it is the other K (self-gaslighting).

            Good to know that the Hoosier state has nice people!

      2. IdaNoe says:

        MB, it’s better than it used to be but, Indiana is still Narc infested waters. Be careful here.

        1. MB says:

          IdaNoe, “narc infested waters” That made me laugh! It’s all good, I’ve already been and gone. Whirlwind trip, they didn’t know what hit ‘em.

      3. K says:

        Damn straight, MB! All the cool empaths make their way here eventually. The new participants are a welcome addition and I smile, too, when I see them learning and getting better. It is wonderful.

        1. MB says:

          The word is getting out. I’d love for HG to come out from behind the curtain and accept his well deserved accolades. I haven’t given up hope yet!

    2. nunya says:

      I relate. This is what I was kind of mentioning in another post, about the idea of developing narc traits that are only used to counter narc traits–never to manipulate or to be difficult for empathic or normal traits. I think as a coping mechanism. Similar to how a narcissist responds but different because the intention is for good and manipulations are never used to someone else’s detriment.

      1. IdaNoe says:

        Yes exactly! I have empathy and anger. I can use either. The empathy I was born with. Then I was repeatedly abused in various forms, by various people. Anger developed. It’s like there are two distinct personalities. One an empathic girl who can see the beauty and wonder of the world. The other is a fierce protector. The protector is always there, always on. When the girl is hurt ( or I see something else hurt) it takes over. Its angry, calculating and will do what has to be done to remove the threat but, is under the moral control of the girl. The girl is emotion. The protector is the stone cold logic HG talks about. Does that make sense?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Makes sense to me.

      2. nunya says:

        I think you were commenting on mine? But I can’t reply, so I”ll put it here.
        It makes complete sense to me and like K was mentioning too, my anger can take on “violent” shades for sure. Rage is a good description.
        Yeah, it’s like the two sides you are explaining, and the moral girl part might be very “justice” driven over my fierce side. If that side comes out it’s as if I’m willing to say anything verbally in order to make my point. I am not willing to DO anything, though I’ve broken things- I very much have solid moral limits I am absolutely incapable of crossing in any circumstance. But if I feel someone is behaving in a narcissistic manner, knows they are wrong, doesn’t care, is acting against me, taking me for granted, using me….then I can be very very cutting, much like these “icicles” posts. I can get to the point where I find a weak spot in a particular person that wouldn’t apply to anyone else. And some of the posts on Narcissists reasoning and rationalizing is stuff I would think, say or do, but only in very specific situations.

        It bothered me to read that I have some commonality there. But thinking and reading more I realized, like K was mentioning, it is very conditional and situational for me. Unfortunately I do sometimes FIND these situations and that’s caused me a million new questions. I was thinking that some of the traits of borderlines apply to me, but not all of them, so I don’t know that I would fit there either. I can have a lot of difficulty controlling emotion in extreme circumstances and I hate that. I can self-medicate.

        I definitely think all of it was caused by being raised by my narc mother, who created a painful dynamic with my narc sister. I split off from them somehow and remembering my early childhood I have to think overall that I have innate, natural empath qualities that didn’t get enough encouragement, but were always there. I definitely have strong intuition and can feel things all the way into understanding. I remember the pain of silent treatments and triangulation and I am absolutely fiercely incapable of letting my children experience those things from anyone. I once removed my daughter from a classroom immediately when my narc-detector went off about her teacher. I sometimes sacrifice myself, but I won’t sacrifice them.

        One conclusion I’ve come to… my anger comes out more because narc traits seem to get focused at me sometimes? And compound that with that I am more sensitive to them. I actually limit my exposure to people. I am happy to read this blog and hopefully I can grow in a few areas that have been very confusing for me.

        1. K says:

          nunya and IdaNoe
          We all have shadow emotions and they are there for protection and defense and to help us set boundaries. Sometimes, people may be afraid to express their shadow traits because society deems them inappropriate.

          Karla McLaren, author of the Art of Empathy, wrote this: “hatred is actually a necessary and worthy emotion — but only if you know how to work with it. Hatred arises for very important reasons, and when your hatred arises, you need to understand what’s going on.”

          It can be very confusing but keep reading because the answers are out there and we just have to find them.

          1. nunya biz says:

            K, thanks. I was working on some shadow stuff for a while, I should get a book about it. Looking at the “Art of Empathy” now.

          2. K says:

            nunya biz
            The book is really good. It explains many emotions/feelings, negative and positive, and how they are necessary and beneficial for different reasons. She has some excellent information on her site, as well.

    3. Caroline says:

      Thank you for sharing. Thanks for explaining the photo. I’m sorry to hear those brief details of what you had to endure. You have my respect for your courage and resilience. If I had a time machine I’d go back and rescue you.

      1. MB says:

        That’s such a sweet sentiment Caroline.

        K, what are your thoughts on children that are in abusive situations currently? I know of a little girl that my heart just breaks for. There’s no “proof” of abuse. When there are physical marks, it’s easy to remove them from the abuse. Emotional abuse is just as detrimental, if not more so. Of course, even if they are removed from the home, there’s no guarantee that they will end up anywhere better. The little girl is 8 and seems to be a scapegoat. Two younger sisters by a different father are favored, but nonetheless abused. By age 8, much damage has already been done. It’s not a close relationship and is not family, but heartbreaking. Children have no power to change their situation.

      2. K says:

        Hello Caroline and thank you for your kind words. Power up the Flux Capacitor (Back to The Future) because I will be waiting for you by the clock tower; the year will be 1973.

        1. MB says:

          1973 K? Me too!

          1. K says:

            That was a great year! Stuck In The Middle With You by the Stealers Wheel was in the Top Ten.

      3. Caroline says:


        1. K says:

          Copy, Over.

  8. Iko Flugel says:

    “Years of therapy”? – may be eons, or may be never. The problem is that those are not only “twisted minds” in some psychological sense, there are physical differences in the brain structure of the persons with NPD, compared to so called “normal/healthy” ppl.
    We can never sort out what is wrong with the N because they look very much as an average human being (when ignoring the icy stare).

    I came with a interesting comparison:
    Do you know what prosopagnosia is? It’s face blindness. Affected individual can not recognize faces. Specific brain areas are shut up.
    It’s difficult for a lay man to believe that this is an actual condition because the affected person looks quite OK. How come he cannot recognize MY face? He is so rude! No, he is not rude – he has prosopagnosia.

    The same with the N. We wonder: How come he can not empathize with ME? How he can be so cruel! No, he is not cruel. He is a Narcissist. It’s all about fuel.

    It’s easy for us to sort out what is to be blind, deaf etc because it is too obvious. But when it comes to subtle “invisible” changes in the brain structure and in the psyche, it takes much more efforts to conceptualize and to accept the problem.

    They say Narcissists have the psychological development of a 4-5 years old. Their way or highway. Things are only black or white.
    But outside Ns look mature and we make a mistake to expect them to act as adults, to perceive us as humans and to embrace all ours 150 shadows of gray.
    We fail to understand that this is an impossible task for a 4 years old.

    As the meme said such a weird cognitive dissonance would take a very long time to be figured out and to be healed.

  9. WiserNow says:

    Ha! That’s a good one!

    Narcissists embody the very meaning of twisted, yet they are the first to point the finger at everyone else.

    If only years of therapy actually could make a difference to the twisted minds of narcs. At least there would be light at the end of the tunnel.

  10. wounded says:

    I had about 50 lightbulb moments yesterday. For awhile I thought I was over this. I wrote my Letter to the Narcissist, thinking I was fine and ready to get on with my life. But I couldn’t stop thinking about everything. I started doubting myself, thinking maybe I was blame shifting or playing the victim. I was frustrated that I couldn’t seem to move forward. Then I found out that the narc was in town and I went into a tailspin.

    One of the things that I couldn’t get out of my head was the term “love bombing.” I keep thinking that because I wasn’t showered with attention that it wasn’t manipulation. But I’m uncomfortable with too much heavy handed attention. Then I read an article from August 2016 Each Victim Is Lying. A reader asked if HG had ever come cross an empath that found these tactics smothering. The response rocked me.

    “No, I have not had that happen because I ensure the person I seduce is susceptible to such behavior. If I identify a target that would produce excellent fuel but I gauge (from early exchanges) that love bombing might be counterproductive, the seduction will be applied in a different way.”

    I didn’t doubt you, HG. I doubted myself and my own gut instinct. I keep looking at this situation from my own logical standpoint as opposed to the Narc Perspective. I got sucked into a very twisted world where I hold absolutely no value save for my energy.

    I also stopped reading the blog thinking that the more I read it the more obsessed I will become. But in reality, I have literally no one to talk to about this. I may not have an opportunity to read/write everything I would like but it’s essentially a support group with a leader that allows us a glimpse into this other perspective. So, I’m here for awhile. And after all my light bulb moments I really want to cry in relief. There’s actually a light at the end of the tunnel.

    1. nunya says:

      Love bombing makes me uncomfortable also for the same reason. I tend to be more cautious and reserved if I see it. I had it happen a year and a half ago with someone and I remained on edge for several months. Then he tried his maneuvering and I cut him off completely (after a bit of a battle).

    2. foolme1time says:

      Wounded, we are glad you are here! Just remember you are never alone in all of this, someone is always reading and willing to help you. Also remember we have all gone through this and are healing together. 🌻

      1. Caroline says:

        You are a treasure.

        1. foolme1time says:

          Caroline, Thank you! We are all treasures on this blog! 😘🌻

    3. WiserNow says:

      Hi Wounded,

      It sounds like you are in the fairly early stages of working through the painful emotional effects of being attached to the narcissist you are/were involved with. I can see you are anxious about not yet being over the situation and wondering if you will continue to be obsessed and emotionally affected.

      Don’t be too worried about what stage you are at. You are on the right track and will continue to improve, and that is the main thing. Just keep practicing the logical thinking and stay on this blog and keep reading. HG and all the readers here will help you out of the emotionally twisted world.

      The wonderful thing is that there is definitely a light at the end of the tunnel for empathic people. We have the ability to look at our situation and learn from it and change ourselves. We can change our ways of thinking and the emotionally harmful patterns we keep repeating. It’s difficult at first and takes focus and practice. Don’t be hard on yourself. There will be times when you feel like you’re making no progress and keep falling for the manipulations, illusions and emotional thinking. Don’t overthink it though. Give yourself a break and practice self-compassion. Just keep believing that it will get better and that tomorrow is a new day and a new chance to improve.

      When your logical thinking becomes stronger, you’ll feel more able to handle things and will not feel like crying. You’ll be better able to recognise the love-bombing or whatever other tactics are being used and you won’t fall for them. There won’t be the same fear about them either. With more logic, you’ll see all the manipulations for the insecure fuel-grabs they are.

  11. wolvesinwalden says:

    Jokes on them, I’d be in therapy anyway. It’s nice to have something that isn’t the usual familial baggage to mull over in sessions.

    I’m curious, are you accepting letters at the moment, HG? I’ve got a letter to the narc in my orbit sitting on my desktop that’s getting kind of itchy.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am.

      1. wolvesinwalden says:

        Nifty, I’ll have to polish it and send it in. 3.5k is Too Many Words™, must take a machete to the page before it can evolve into its final form.

    2. MB says:

      I can’t wait to read yours WIW!

      1. wolvesinwalden says:

        You’re very kind. <3 I'm working on making it presentable for the class, just have to hack out some of the more verbose/extraneous bits before handing it in.

  12. Healing Victim says:

    HG it is an average of two years to heal. My first years was a waste as I just thought the asshole Narc. was a man going through his mid life crises and used me to cheat on. I was dealing with being the other women. The second year I found out what he truly was and that his GF was part of why he got away doing this for years and with many women.So second year I did a lot of healing and making him pay, If he enjoys my negative and positive emotions. I will make them as irritating as possible. His teethe are falling out now, and his drinking is ageing him where he his loosing his looks….Karma will always come around, The law of cause and effect. YOU HG do not believe in Karma, The Law of Cause and Effect is better known as the law defined by Isaac Newton that “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction“. … Basically, the Law of Cause and Effect states that for every movement of energy, whether it be physical, emotional, mental or spiritual, there is a corresponding effect.?????

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Karma is a belief to ease the mind of the vanquished. It is better to rely on action than on some will o’ the wisp concept.

  13. Caroline says:

    “I don’t think they have enough specialist therapists to sort out all the damage you’ve inflicted on me”

  14. Caroline says:

    (blank expression put on with care by empath)
    “Don’t worry, thanks to having you as my (insert relationship here), I will be in therapy until the day I die”

    New empath riposte for our arsenal?

  15. IdaNoe says:

    The twist of a knife into a black heart is cheaper!

  16. Empress1 says:

    no!I hope it takes you years to figure out how I figured you out ( with HG help– and I really do not care- hope you forget about me) Yes, it took me years and now==== I am so ready to f$@#K with your mind and I have the best MANager– to help me with f#$ing with your mind!!!!

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

No Contact No Nos