A Very Royal Narcissist – Part 11

 

Untitled design

To enable people to understand the dynamics and behaviours associated with narcissism and especially to enable them to then understand how similar behaviours has impacted on them by utilising a high profile example, the analysis continues following further activity. This analysis will assist in dissecting behaviours seen in narcissism and also the responses of a narcissist to the actions of other people.

1. Phone Alone

It was reported that since Miss Markle had returned to Canada to be with son Archie as explained in A Very Royal Narcissist – Part 9 she would join the Sandringham Summit, which took place on Monday 13th January by telephone.

The failure to attend the summit is a manifestation of 

  • Grandiosity ( Unconscious Response – “I am doing something more important than to grace you with my response”)
  • Plausible Deniability and Facade Management (Conscious Response -“I am not going to be there because I am looking after Archie”)
  •  Blame-Shifting (Unconscious Response -“Harry, you need to sort this out because you will be there and if you do not, it is your fault.”)
  •  Lack of Accountability (Unconscious Response -“I do not need to be there because I am not accountable for my what I do, it is never my fault.”)
  • Sense of Entitlement (Unconscious Response – “I do what I want, not what others want me to do.”)
  • Need For Control (Unconscious Response – “I am not going to attend and give you control by being summoned to you, instead I will assert control by leaving BUT I will join in by telephone because I CHOOSE that (you chose to summon me) and thus I have control”)
  • Lack of Emotional Empathy (Unconscious Response – “I am leaving Harry to deal with any flack.” “I do not have to be respectful to the Queen of England.”)

However, Her Majesty the Queen determined that there was to be no conference call. This is not because the Queen knows exactly what she is dealing with (although she has come across plenty of narcissists in her time and through a combination of her experience and sage advice from those who know what is happening) but because she knows enough to avoid further difficulties. The Queen needed to ensure the summit was confidential and she would not know who might be listening in with Miss Markle at the other end and thus stated she could not join in by conference call.)

What would this decision have done? Somebody would have conveyed that decision to Miss Markle and whoever did so will likely have conveyed it with some emotional content (puzzlement, irritation, sympathy, understanding to be just a few of the potential candidates) and thus would have provided fuel. There was no wounding. However, the Queen´s decision would amount to a Challenge to Miss Markle because it did not accord with what she wanted to do and therefore would be Challenge Fuel.

(To understand precisely how you only ever have three types of interaction with the narcissist, what they are what happens utilise this Logic Bulletin The 3 Key Interactions With the Narcissist )

What would Miss Markle´s response to this Challenge Fuel be? It would be a threat to her control which means she must respond by asserting control. Ordinarily, this is done over the protagonist (i.e. the person who has caused the threat to control in the first place) namely the Queen. This will not have been possible. Miss Markle would not have been able to contact the Queen and argue the toss about being able to have the conference call (although she may well have tried this route and been thwarted) and thus she could not assert control over the Queen. 

In such circumstances the narcissist must still assert control but does so by asserting it over by somebody else and in the mind of the narcissist, the gaining of fuel and asserting control over the other person, causes them to believe (from the narcissistic perspective) that they have control over the protagonist and thus all is well (for now) in the world of the narcissist. This is the process of Narcissistic Transference.

Who would this be? Most likely Prince Harry. As the Intimate Partner Primary Source to Miss Markle, she would have contacted him and made it very clear what the joint (her) position was with regard to the stepping back, that he had better ensure it is done (Issuing of Threat) or there will be problems (Threatened Loss) or you will fail to make me happy/you will upset me (Use of Guilt) and if you do this when we will be fine (Promised Gain). Prince Harry will have been given his orders in no uncertain terms, although they will not have been issued as such (Plausible Deniability).

Thus, this is why, you , if you have been ensnared by a narcissist will have often found yourself on the receiving end of the narcissist´s unpleasant manipulations because somebody else has either wounded the narcissist or issued challenge fuel and has thus threatened the narcissist´s control. The narcissist cannot affect the protagonist so they turn to YOU and assert control over you by either blaming you, accusing you or whining to you. 

An easy example of this is the person who is using a hammer to hammer in a nail, hits his thumb and blames you because you are stood nearby “Look what you made me do”. The person with the hammer is at fault, but they cannot blame themselves, they might assert control over the nail (by lashing at it in a frenzy with the hammer) but it is easier to blame you because you will react and your reaction provides validation and a sense of control to the wielder of the hammer.

2. Emotional Empathy From the Queen and the Statement

As explained in A Very Royal Narcissist – Part 10 the outcome of the Sandringham Summit evidenced emotional empathy on the part of the Queen and most likely the Duke of Cambridge also, with regard to the situation of her grandson and his brother, Prince Harry.

What was actually being stated by the Queen and how would that statement be perceived by Miss Markle?

First, let’s go through the short statement and identify what is also being said by the Queen, from her position of someone who, unlike a narcissist, exhibits Emotional Empathy (for further information see Understanding Empathy : The Difference Between Empath, Normal and Narcissist)

Here is the statement, additional comment in bold and italics.

“Today my family had very constructive discussions on the future of my grandson and his family. (Prince Harry remains one of us and when we talk together, it is sensible and constructive.)

“My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family.  Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family. (We care about Prince Harry and whilst it troubles us that this decision has been made and we suspect that Harry is being unduly influenced, we recognise that it is futile and unhelpful to him to prevent it and therefore we are letting him know that he is cared for and we would rather (and by extension his own family) stayed. We are going to have to let him go on his own way for now, but we are there for him at all times, when he needs us.)

“Harry and Meghan have made clear that they do not want to be reliant on public funds in their new lives. (Message received loud and clear – good luck with that.)

“It has therefore been agreed that there will be a period of transition in which the Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the UK. (We would rather he did not go, but he is going and this appears as compromise for both sides so let’s adopt that for Harry´s sake)

“These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be reached in the coming days.” (We realise it is pointless to try and stop Harry and therefore let’s get on with it.)

How would the statement have been received by Miss Markle?

“Today my family had very constructive discussions on the future of my grandson and his family. (Unconscious Response – “You can call it what you like, we are going, I win, I have control.”)

“My family and I are entirely supportive of Harry and Meghan’s desire to create a new life as a young family.  ( Unconscious Sense of Entitlement – “So you should be.”)Although we would have preferred them to remain full-time working members of the Royal Family, we respect and understand their wish to live a more independent life as a family while remaining a valued part of my family. ( Unconscious Sense of Control – “Yes you tried to stop us, but you failed because I am Queen Meghan.”)

“Harry and Meghan have made clear that they do not want to be reliant on public funds in their new lives. ( Unconscious Sense of Control – “Harry did as I told him. Good boy.”) (Unconscious Sense of Control and Entitlement – “Yes, we say that now although of course this may not turn out to actually happen, but for now we needed to say something to ensure we got control so stating financial independence was a way of achieving it, but come on, that does not mean we have to stuck by that, because I do what I want.)

“It has therefore been agreed that there will be a period of transition in which the Sussexes will spend time in Canada and the UK. (Unconscious Sense of Control and Salami Slicing and Entitlement – “I got what I wanted. This period of transition will  salami slice Harry away from interfering influences (to the extent I need to retain him) and of course this transition will pan out as I wish.)

“These are complex matters for my family to resolve, and there is some more work to be done, but I have asked for final decisions to be reached in the coming days.” (Unconscious Sense of Control – “Sure thing. I have got what I want, so let’s get this done.”) (The conscious response will be “See, we are doing the right thing for us Harry and we need to be be away from the poison of the British people who do not like us and the awful British media so you can save me just as you wish you could have done for your mother, for which I am truly grateful and truly sorry. See, they agreed with what we are doing, so that proves it is the right thing to do.”) This conscious response will also be what causes many people to be taken in by believing this is what is behind this “stepping back” owing to a lack of understanding about narcissism. Those who have experienced and understand narcissism recognise that it is something else entirely.

3. I Got My Way, So Business As Usual!

Buzzfeed News reported as follows (my commentary in bold and italics)

“Meghan Markle (aka the Duchess of Sussex) visited a women’s centre in Canada amid the global spotlight on her and her husband following their decision to “step back” as senior members of the royal family. ( Unconscious Facade Management – I am a good person, see the good I do, even when there is a storm around me.) (Unconscious Triangulation – Do you see me Britain, I am not there and I am feeling good and doing good, jealous yet?)

In a Facebook post Tuesday, the Downtown Eastside Women’s Centre (DEWC) shared an image of staffers posing for a photograph with Meghan earlier that day. (Delusion of Possessing Empathy – exhibiting a believed emotional empathy (which does not exist as demonstrated by the various other manipulations detailed in previous articles) and instead is a demonstration of Cognitive Empathy, which some but not all, narcissists operate with.)

“High levels of violence, homelessness, addictions and poverty characterize the Downtown Eastside community. Women and children are particularly vulnerable to exploitation, injustice and injury,” the organisation said on its website.

“The DEWC is one of the busiest women’s centers in the country, operating a low-barrier drop-in center and emergency night shelter in the Downtown Eastside. By connecting members to a continuum of care and a community, we empower them towards positive change,” the site added.

Meghan’s brother-in-law and sister-in-law the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge (aka Prince William and Kate Middleton) visited a nearby centre in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside area during their Canadian tour in 2016. (Mirroring and Triangulation – again remember this is done unconsciously.)

Accordingly, Miss Markle with her control (in her world) maintained over principally Prince Harry (who as her IPPS is the most important person to assert control over) and members of the Royal Family (because ultimately they backed down (for Harry´s sake) and thus allowed control to continue) feels all is well in her world. The Facade Management continues and it is also important to point out that whilst it is not done out of Emotional Empathy, her visit to the DEWC brings attention to the issues faced by that community and the Women’s Centre there which is a positive outcome. Doubtless the people working and attending the centre enjoyed the visit also, another positive outcome. As those of you know, there are many upsides to spending time with a narcissist HOWEVER for many, this comes with a considerable downside and one which it is never worth tolerating and accepting. Narcissists achieve much in the world, but there is always a cost to someone, somewhere.

To understand more about narcissism and how it may have impacted on you previously or is impacting on you now, utilise further materials provided through the links below

Something Does Not Feel Right

The Devastation of the Illusion

Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages – Part One

Why Won’t He Answer My Text Messages – Part Two

The Platinum Collection

The Final Battle : How To Stop Thinking About the Narcissist

The Addiction : How To Tackle Emotional Thinking

The Addiction to the Narcissist : Emotional Thinking

How The Intimate Relationship Functions With the Narcissist

Why Has The Narcissist Gone Back?

The Online Narcissist :Somatic

Fury

Evil

 

118 thoughts on “A Very Royal Narcissist – Part 11

  1. theletterafterj says:

    Mirroring and Triangulation: N v N

    My MMRN’s niece (a narc) made a Pineapple Upside-Down Cake for her NarcBother’s birthday, when my MMRN’s MatriNarc found out, she made a Pineapple Upside-Down cake for him, too. So there were two Pineapple Upside-Down Cakes at the celebration.

    Then MatriNarc proceeded to ask all the guests: who made the better Pineapple Upside-Down Cake?!?!
    (the answer will cause you to be painted either black or white because both of the bakers are narcissists so, based on your position in their fuel matrices: NISS, expect a Corrective Devaluation)

    The above incident encompassed both benign and malign hoovers, black and white thinking, assertion of control, superiority, pure and challenge fuel, lack of emotional and cognitive empathy and threat to control (envy from (Grand)MatriNarc because her grand-daughter is competition and a threat to control/attention).

    I don’t miss The Twilight Zone at all.

  2. Cat says:

    This means that Harry and Will have two narc parents eversince 1997 (Camilla and Charles).
    I hope they’ve had lots of contact with the Queen and Philip.

  3. Bubbles🍾 says:

    Dear WiseNow,
    If they want to go down that path, fine !
    Let them do THEIR own thing and break away from the strict protocols and regimentals of the Royal palace
    It might just be what the doctor ordered
    Poor hazza needs to get his deep emotional thinking in order and megsy just wants to control him and little Archie
    Perhaps they’ll all be happy and fade into oblivion because they both want to be “NORMAL”
    Let the media focus be on William N Kate and see how she likes it
    Bye now …..have a nice life in Canada don’t forget to send a postcard, we’ll try n miss you … 🤣
    (maybe Harry really isn’t Charle’s son and that’s why they let them go ) …. 🤔
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  4. Brombles says:

    Is Prince Charles also a narcissist? I’ve been digging up old videos about Diana and can see describes a lot of narc like behaviours by Charles (triangulation, devaluation, discard).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes

  5. Violetta says:

    I have it, just didn’t get to it yet,

  6. Chihuahuamum says:

    Great article!
    The term narcissist transference is interesting and explains a lot. It explains why someone namely a narcissist will dump on people they consider whipping underlings. I see this in the workplace a lot where they will take out their frusterations and wounding on others to regain power. Basically human punching bags. It reminds me of the article where HGs mother wounded him and he regained his sense of power by devaluing people all day.
    I wanted to add also in number 1 with meghans unconscious thoughts where the queen says they will support them there could also be a degree of envy there and a mental note to destroy the closeness of his family further bc she isnt close to most of her family. She does however seem to have an empathetic mother. Her father is a narcissist possibly bipolar. He strikes me as very messed up. This support despite her efforts to break up the family could cause a degree of challenge fuel bc i think subconsciously she wants to destroy that closeness and yet here the family still supports harry. She wanted to drop a huge bomb and sever those ties but instead they offer support and an open door back which imo would irritate meghan despite her getting her own way.
    The financial independance isnt true independance bc theyre willing to accept Canada footing the bill for their security which i dont think is fair to our taxpayers. In parts of the west we are facing a recession thanks to justin trudeau(goofball) and are not too happy with him making this decision on the behalf of taxpayers. They made the decision to leave the UK so its their responsibility to pay their own way like the rest of us.

  7. Michelle says:

    Fox News ran a story that said the Queen was afraid that Meghan would do a tell-all interview and expose the BRF as racist and sexist. Ah, the smear campaign . . . cliche.

  8. Violetta says:

    She couldn’t sell Vogue, even at cut-price. What makes her think her brief stint as a royal will build her a merching empire? The sales of tat and the voiceover gigs will slow to a trickle as the scandal fades.

    They can do the talk shows until they’ve run out of dirty laundry to air, then those offers will also dry up.

    All of this will be Harry’s fault, of course.

  9. Violetta says:

    Now that I think of it, all she would have to do is–reluctantly, of course–tell Harry that Daddy had abused her secualky, whether or not it was true. Perhaps it was confided, tearfully, while they were dating, during one of those camping trips to Africa. It would garner sympathy and bring out all his protective impulses. “The family she never had,” you know.

  10. Desirée says:

    Violetta
    I think Meghan Markle is a somatic and it is very common for female somatics to try and use their sexuality in order to get what they want. However, this is usually achieved by way of withholding sexual intimacy once the victim gets devalued. It’s not necessarily indicative of having been sexually abused.

  11. Violetta says:

    The possibility had occured to me. Her other relatives have expressed envy about the way he spoiled her, but she may resent them if that was going on and they turned a blind eye to it. It would certainly explain her compulsion to control people sexually in a way that just being an overly-burdened Golden Child would not.

    In the case of Madonna, she used to close out concerts in her “Virgin” Tour by saying, “Daddy, I don’t want to go home!” before the encore. Then there’s the video for “Oh, Father.” Her determination to outrage the Catholic Church went beyond calculated PR, I think–the sexual repression would be particularly enraging for someone who knew real life wasn’t so pure. She notoriously hated her stepmother, supposedly for replacing her mother, but what if it was for replacing her?

    You’ve said that Narcissists respond to a lack of control at an impressionable age by seizing control in every arena they can. Is it only coincidence that both MM and Madge concentrate on sex? It’s a time-dishonored way for women to seize control, but it’s not the only way: there are psychopathic nurses who poison their patients and teachers who gaslight their students.

    I would make the same guess about Amber Heard, especially if the Cleveland Steamer rumor is true.

    Obviously, this is all speculation.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Sex is chosen because it is a weapon of mass seduction, do read my by Sex to understand its use.

  12. Violetta says:

    NarcAngel: Most Canadians don’t seem very enthusiastic about having her there, but one rural area offered to name a breed of cow after her.

    (This is so much more fun if you’re familiar with British slang.)

    1. NarcAngel says:

      V
      I’m familiar with cow being used as an insult, so it is amusing with respect to naming the cows after her, although I don’t see why the cows should be burdened with that. If they’re milk cows, I hope it doesn’t cause it to sour.

  13. Cece Fleet says:

    All~

    Have any of you seen the close-up photo of Harry’s hands in a DM article today? For someone who doesn’t do manual labor and more than likely has regular manicures, I was somewhat surprised at the condition of his fingers, e.g., hang nails, frayed cuticles as well as a rough thumb nail. I tend to think his hands are a physical and unconscious sign of a nervous personality. Makes me wonder what his handshake is like…

    This is an interesting and informative site that I’ve enjoyed reading – which I found thanks to a recommendation in the comments of an article I was reading.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thanks for commenting and interesting observation re Harry. Well spotted.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.