Knowing the Narcissist : The Relational Tower
I sit up on high in my Relational Tower. I can see so much from this throne.
I look to the north and see the golden and shimmering lines which extend from me to my loyal subjects across the land. I see my supporters, my followers and my coterie going about their daily lives but all the while connected to me. They feel such privilege to be linked to me, their liege and I feed on that sense of privilege and the admiration and that adoration which is entwined around it.
I look to the south and see yet more lines of sparkling gold which link between me and my most devout lieutenants. From my vantage point I can signal to them and they will obey, carrying out my commands, executing my diktats and honouring my instructions. It is a source of great comfort to gaze in their direction and observe their industry on my behalf.
I look to the east and frown at the assembled legions which march towards me. The malcontents, the rejected, the fools and the idiots, all those who have taken up against me and now march in the expectation that they will unseat me. Yet further lines span out from me to these traitors. Dark purple lines, nearly invisible against the glowering firmament, these multitudinous lines which have those transgressors permanently attached to me and through which I pull, twist and yank. They moan, they wail and they lament their fate but there is no hope for any other for these are those who bear the stain of betrayal, the putrid stench of sedition emanates from their shambling frames. Let them come, let them advance towards me and I shall watch them as they break against my tower, like waves against the rocks as they are sent scattering and dissipating into so much spray. I watch them from afar, sometimes commanding my lieutenants to enter the fray to cajole and direct, a myriad of gold and purple shimmering and glinting as the lines combine. From time to time the purple becomes golden as by my most glorious bounty I bestow the wondrous joy upon the select few.
I look to the west and there I see you. You shine with such glory, the golden line between you and I fizzing with effervescence. A thick line which coils about your wrists, torso and throat, sending that precious essence towards me. There are days when that connection will dim to the purple of guilt, the thick line becoming stretched and thinned, but never ever breaking. I watch you as you journey towards me, face upturned, eyes rapturous, hands outstretched as the light burns brighter and those who are less than me would struggle to gaze upon you, but I always will. Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.
I watch you all as you journey towards me, the supporters, the lieutenants, the outcasts and you. I can see it all from this elevated position as I organise, direct and orchestrate. I know what you want. I know what you all want, each and every one of you.
I am attached to you all, you are bound to me, some tighter than others, some with those chains which bite and burn, others who raise no objection to their silken bondage, but all are bound to me. I made it so. I wanted that. I am connected to so many of you. I have a relationship with each and every one. Our relational proximity varies from stranger to intimate partner, from minion to inner circle friend, from colleague to family member and so on. Relationships. I have them by the hundred and create more each day, reaching out with my tendrils of gold and purple in order to remain exactly where I want to be – at the centre in my tower.
I know why you all head towards me. You want to enter this tower and thus gain admittance to me. You wish to unlock the vast gate and pass through the imposing portal to enable you to climb the winding stone steps, each time passing without hindrance or complication through the many doors and gates which guard my inner sanctum.
I know you want to enter my inner sanctum.
Some of you want to cradle what you find there. Some of you wish to possess what your eyes will rest upon. Some of you wish to claim a portion for yourselves and be forever imbued with its effects. Some of you wish to release what is in this inner sanctum. Some of you wish to understand what lies there. Some of you wish to destroy what is revealed.
Whatever it might be, the hundreds of relationships which I have, no matter how long, how strong and how tightly bound or otherwise these may be all seek to enter my Relational Tower and penetrate the inner sanctum.
This cannot happen.
I made this tower. I built it high. I built the walls deep and thick, constructed from the stones of denial and the slabs of deflection all held in place with the mortar of fuel. I fashioned the thick timbers of the door from projection, the timber bolted together through triangulation and the lock created from a steely gaze and iron resolve. The heavy bar that is set against it arose from the blame-shifting. I have set many traps and pitfalls within this tower in order to prevent anybody reaching the inner sanctum. The stone steps are smeared with vitriol, the walls spiked with character assassination, cauldrons wait to pour their heated fury onto you and cast you in deep pits of despair. The stone is so thick that there is only ever silence here, it as if the very walls are giving you a cold and baleful stare. Everything that I have learned will be used to impede your progress, hamper and hinder you so you may not ever reach that inner sanctum.
I know you all want to go there. I know you want to reach deep inside of me, into my inner sanctum but I must not allow it. I dare not. I cannot admit anybody. Ever.
I built this tower high. I built it thick. I made it impenetrable.
I built it to keep you out.
I built it to keep me in.
We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such splendid isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.
16 thoughts on “Knowing the Narcissist : The Relational Tower”
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In my last response to this article, I said I thought the person coming from the west was family. But I am less confident. I am starting to wonder if these kind of comments (which seem like love or romance) are an amalgam of a few different people and that might be why it’s hard to distinguish who exactly it is.
However, my reassessment is also due to my reading back over some archived comments, where I came across the comment that the recipient of the monologue in Forever on the Throne is not the girl from the lake incident. So not HG’s sister. On initial reading of that I had thought it was Karen (due to the mention of the two chairs facing the window) but the ‘long time ago’ pushed me to think it was about someone from an earlier time frame.
I believe his sister is one of the shades present in that article, admonishing him, joining in the chorus telling him he let something go that he should have kept. I don’t see Karen or Amanda in Shades.
HG does not attach, but he seems to have had three key women in his life that he views as more important than the others: Karen, Amanda and his twin. None of these women got to the point where they were voluntarily disengaged from due to their fuel not being strong enough or becoming stale. None of those relationships completed their full term. All were lost prior to that happening. Relationships which don’t run their course can seem idealised (as are those which the other person controls by leaving. I realise all three stopped fueling him as he needed which was a failure on their part – but it was their only one.
I wonder if the woman in the west here, the ‘you’ is all three somehow. The ideal version of all three – or an ideal version that encompasses all three.
Annaamel
What leads you to believe the subject of the West to be mortal and a woman?
Hi NA. I appreciate you responding here.
I can’t think of any male figures he’d feel this way about – as in ‘guilt’ or ‘I will always look for you.’ Not that there aren’t male figures he feels connected to, but these glowing terms he’s always, it appears to me, used for female characters.
Annaamel, in the West I’ve always seen the idealized woman – in place of which other IPPS are substituted, in the seduction phase.
Plus, it’s a great literary device. Affecting our feminine senses and our ego. Reading this text, most of us relate it to ourselves. Most of us used to be women “in the West”, which is why we are here. To be “the one” – don’t we dream about it?
I read and I want to be there! 🙂
(Although the truth is that I no longer feel like making an effort for any man.)
It increases emotions nicely – the desire for love, constancy, safety, competition, recognition of our “importance”, giving meaning to existence, life… life pulsates 🙂
And that unavailability, mrrr, always turned me on. What you have to work for is more valuable, than what you get easily. Maybe I’m a bit “manly” in that regard. It was me who always chose and “conquered” my mans. While that probably sounds awful, it was what it was. Or maybe it was just my imagination – maybe the cooperation was mutual.
Great text.
Joa,
Insightful comment, thank you for writing it. You’ve expanded my thinking regarding this article a bit.
Your thoughts are similar to how I’ve thought of the one in the west also.
Because of the size of the fuel matrix described, I had not actually previously related it to the narcs I was IPPS to, had I done so, it was me at that time, and would be their current one now.
If considering HG, which is how I’ve read this article to this point, it is his IPPS of the time, whichever one it is.
I guess I would think it is, for each narcissist, the IPPS current at the time. Do they have to be in the GP for this to be so? Not sure about that, he (they all) gets fuel from them at every stage and they are enraptured with him, or trying to put things right again, at every stage, unless perhaps they end it.
I love the way you write about how it affects our emotions, so true.
‘Reading this text, most of us relate it to ourselves. Most of us used to be women “in the West”, which is why we are here. To be “the one” – don’t we dream about it?’
Interesting, Joa. You may be correct.
Dear Joa, your observations about the One strike a chord with my thinking, feelings as well.
Take a look at this quote from HG. What do you think?
I also found another very interesting comment regarding the One. But I need to find it first.
But here goes the first:
HG: I like your sentiment ABB. Why am I let down? It has always happened. Perhaps one day it will not. Everywhere I look in the Asylum of the Grotesque I see the shades and their failure. Each and every one. How I have exerted myself to find the one who will not let me down and the search continues. Sometimes, and it is only when they have weakened me and it does not last for long, I wonder whether it is because I let her down and this is my punishment by this cruel and perfidious world, to be reminded each and every time that I let her down. The thought appears and I cast it aside because it is not my fault, it never is, but back comes that thought and it will not let go, so I must keep moving forward, driving forward in order to outrun it.
E: Is this Amanda you are referring to. Was that one of the 3 events that created the monster?…
HG: No it is not Amanda. The letting down is one of the three events, yes.
(https://narcsite.com/2016/07/28/war/#comment-24039)
AV, basically I wrote it imprecisely – it is:
– IPSS during seduction on IPPS,
– IPPS in its early, triumphant phase,
– converted, former IPPS at the time of hoovering (additionally, idealization can be combined in parallel with the motive of revenge – double fuel).
These are the most perfect, most beautiful phases (the third one, with the theme of revenge, is also wonderful for me… no comment). Oh, how I feel it 🙂
Stop, stop Joa. You don’t need it now.
Jordyguin, thank you. I’ve read the whole thread – haven’t seen it before. Interesting.
Well, yes, HG wrote here clearly about all the previous “The Ones” from the Grotesque Asylum that failed.
HG’s further words hit my heart like an arrow, about the appearance of a brief thought, that he had failed and about rejecting it and that he must go ahead and overtake this thought.
It sounded like N2… though he always invalidated those kinds of words afterwards. Even quite quickly. He left only the ending that “he must move forward”. And if a moment later he got mad at himself (which he put on me), he added from the top position, that I am the one who lives memories and I am old enough to know that if I hold on to memories, they will weigh me down and I will stand still.
To which I replied, that he only thinks he is moving, but he is standing still, and I…
And there’s a verbal scuffle 🙂
I always wanted to know if for that fleeting moment, for that blink of an eye, he was telling the truth, or just pretending or reflecting.
I guess that’s true. For the need of the moment. In the next moment – also true – although it looks different.
Changes in N2 were instant. N1 was much slower, contemplating the moments and his own speeches. This pace in N2 exhausted me and fascinated me 🙂
—–
As for HG’s words about failed him – I could sign off with both hands. They all failed.
And I also failed.
Although, when they “drown”… on cue – I am always there, even for a moment.
And when I “drown” – there is no one – or maybe more – then I don’t want anyone.
—–
Yes, these words touched me… Even though they don’t matter 🙁
Joa, but what N2 said sounds profound. I can’t argue with that, he is correct. When we relive memories and hold on to memories, they weigh us down and we stand still… We must move… much faster than we used to…🔥
Thank you for responding and providing your thoughts.
NA, what an interesting proposition!
At first I thought of the Creature, but „You shine with such glory…“ is NOT how the Creature is viewed…(weak Creature).
BUT, could The Tower be written also from Creature’s perspective?! and -> „Though I may turn my face away from you from time to time, my dark eyes will always look for you.“ The Creatures dark eyes which look out for the savior i.e. the psychopathy – the rescuing knight in shining armour. The Tower is the narcissistic construct.
Another interesting clue is the direction of the West in itself. The sun sets in the West, in other words this direction is also a symbolic death.
…
„I built it to keep you out.
I built it to keep me in.
We are always connected but so long as I remain in my Relational Tower in such splendid isolation then my inner sanctum remains preserved and so do I.“
Again might refer to the unity of the origin individual, the Creature, the narcissism, the psychopathy. ’We are always connected’ is also the ’if you enter the fuel matrix once, you’re remain in it, connected’.
(The inner sanctum in this image: https://narcsite.com/2017/07/15/the-narcissistic-truths-no-75-2/ )
…
Other than that, I too would think ’the person in the West’ is a collective drawing of the ever new IPPS who is placed in the West – the fate of the ever setting sun. But now…Could mean different things.
What are your thoughts on the subject in the West, NA?
The sanctuary is sensitivity (to one’s own self – no matter what state the “I” is in). Narcissists perceive it as weakness and fragility. They run away from it.
As for psychopathy – the escape is accompanied by a wall of fire, collapsing rock masses and a terrifying groan coming from the center of the earth.
That’s how I see it – metaphorically.
JordyG
I have considered a number of things (Creature, IPPS, The One yet to be discovered and ensnared……..). Over time, these thoughts have shifted with more information both through HG’s work and especially with the revelations, observation, and comments in the Knowing HG forum. Much discussion about Gods as well, thus the mortal reference. I have yet to come to a conclusion about who or what the West represents, so I am interested in the thoughts of others. I agree with annaamel for instance that on the surface the language used seems glowing and can appear to be referencing a female mortal form, but wondered if we might we just be assuming, and filling that in with our own emotion as we tend to do. HG’s gift of writing provides many possibilities. Also, I had never associated the West with death as you pointed out, so again, there is benefit to sharing these thoughts and I thank both you and annaamel for responding.
Annaamel, regarding Forever Wrong, I’ve posted information for you in the protected forum, which I came across by reading through it (and can’t share it in the open blog). In the exchange with the clue hunters, HG gave further answers regarding the key articles: Shade, Forever Wrong, Don’t Fail Me, You Said We Always.
I hope it will assist in your further discoveries.
Overtime, I’d think Forever Wrong might be about the first IPPS (is giving away her name in the open blog ok? Otherwise I’ll refer to her as the First) from The Three That Got Away… But yes, the mentioning of the chairs mainly lead to think about Karen, but…
Loosing My Grip (https://narcsite.com/2023/06/07/knowing-the-narcissist-losing-my-grip/) might be about the same First IPPS from The Three. The mentioning of „There I worked through your profile, admiring your photographs…“ – is a clue I would tie to the First from The Three That Got Away.
Further clue from Loosing My Grip: „I realised that you had no choice but to let go but you still let me down when you did it. I can never forgive you for that. Ever.“
No forgiveness, because of what the First did. If you read The Three That Got Away, you know what I’m talking about. In case with Karen, it wasn’t something she actively did, so…
But also the ’letting go of the hand’ in Loosing My Grip is but another lead for the more complex event(s), so it makes a web of references.
HG, it sounds like you need better neighbours who will respect your boundaries. If you don’t want to let them in, that’s your decision and nobody else’s, no matter how strong your draw is. It’s YOUR inner sanctum, not theirs. And even if you had forgotten to close the door, that still wouldn’t give them the right to barge in there without an invitation. What are those mythical creatures again that cannot enter without an invitation?