The Narcissistic Truths – No. 27


78 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 27

  1. jenna says:

    Gbean, you said you met your mr. Piano recital during church via him texting you on fb, if i recall correctly frm one of your posts. If i am incorrect, i apologize. And you also said he has 2,000 friends on fb. I think he may be pursuing others on fb just like he pursued you. But he is charming so i know it’s difficult not to get caught up in that. But my gut feeling is that he’s an fb predator and he’s busy with his next victim. He wants to be with his wife etc. was a lie, in my opinion.

    1. gabbanzobean says:

      Wow. Great memory! Slight correction. I did not meet him at church. He is the piano guy FOR a church (part of his small town “good guy” facade). Yes he reached out on FB originally. He commented on a mutual friend’s post about a TV show and then friended me. He did start “love bombing” me until about 7 months later though. Yes he has about 2k “friends” on Facebook and Instagram.

      And I am sure you are right. Being with his wife and feeling his “guilt” is a facade. I am told by many that he will hoover someday. I am doubtful but we shall see.

      1. jenna says:

        Gbean, yes i do recall that you did not meet him at church. My new name for him is “mr. Piano recital during church.” My ex is religious too. I don’t know what part is true and what part is a facade. He feels shameful for his sins and vows never to repeat them.

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Hahahahahahaha!!!!! As does mine!!! They’re such great fakers!

          I.e. “We are done having sex!”
          Next time he sees me, we have sex.
          “Oh my Will power is weak in person, that’s the last time! We are really done having sex!”


        2. gabbanzobean says:

          P.S. The nickname you gave him is hilarious! Mister piano recital during church! I love it! I’m tempted to share his screen name but I won’t but yeah it’s half piano related . Other half Super hero related.

          1. jenna says:


  2. E. B. says:

    I believe that everyone deserves to be loved, heard, seen and respected.

    1. 12345 says:

      I don’t. Pedophiles don’t deserve to be loved, heard, seen and respected. They deserve to be castrated and then have their skin peeled off. Then they can sit in a hole in the ground and think about what they’ve done.

      1. E. B. says:

        Castration will not stop paedophile predators from molesting and abusing children. It is about power and control. They will find other ways to do it. They should be locked away for life.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Or tracked down by me.

          1. E. B. says:

            That would be much better 🙂

        2. windstorm2 says:

          No EB, but it seems like a good place to start. I always thought castration was appropriate for rapists as well, but my exhusband always assured me that was an overreaction. I think that’s just the lawyer and the man in him though. Sometimes overreactions are needed.

        3. 12345 says:

          I know, EB. But surely no skin and no penis would be a little bit of a deterrent.

  3. AH OH says:


    How can one tell? I had many of the behaviors you write about but I did not wake up to destroy. I did behave, at times, to get emotional reactions and then I would have a feeling to try to undo it, as then I would think of the moments I can’t get back and I wasted it on being emo crazy or mean and it was self torture.
    I remember doing this at a very young age. I would hurt someone and I would ache I did it.

    Perhaps a session when I return? I will be off line very shortly but for now I have a wifi. 3 hour before flight check in! I already confronted some asshats trying to cut in front of me at the security line. Wrong person to do this with. The girl said to fuck off and the guy called me s bitch. I will tell you what I said to them in private. But I did not use one bad word.
    Why is it they accuse you of having a bad day if you stand up for yourself?
    I said I was having a great day until people like you think you are the only ones waiting. The rest will have to wait.

  4. Narc affair says:

    Wow this truth hit me the hardest. I do love the narc unconditionally and always will altho that love may change along the way. I see in him what he probably doesnt see in himself and im not talking about the mirroring but the real person. Every person has a soul narc or not and i see glimpses of who he really is. This is not trying to romantisize it tho bc narcissists dont truely love us the way we love them and they can be terribly destructive. Every narcissist is different and on a spectrum. He has my love but i also love myself enough to slowly make changes to look after me. I need to be my main focus and my loved ones.
    You can love a narcissist but you must always love yourself first and foremost. If you dont itll destroy you.
    My brother ill always love but it will be from afar. No longer will we be what we were. Thats over sadly.
    My mother i will always love but with a sturdy wall built around it. I will never trust her again and any closeness we shared will be a fond memory only. I know too much now and can never go back. My love is a cautious love. Hope of anything more has been destroyed. Hope is a useless thing when youre dealing with a malignant narcissist.

    1. Jenna says:

      Narcaffair, are you still with your narc? Are you married to him?

  5. Stephanie Farlow says:

    How very true !

  6. gabbanzobean says:

    I lost track of the number of times my mid range would tell me “I’m not worthy of you Gabrielle, “I don’t deserve you Gabrielle”, “You’re too good to me, Gabrielle.”

    As I’ve always said before, I figured he was just paying me a compliment. Something is telling me that I probably should’ve paid better attention huh? 🙁

    1. windstorm2 says:

      They do tend to stick warnings of the truth in amongst the lies.

    2. Carla says:

      With tears in his eyes, he said to me “You are not broken,” and I knew then, despite the tears this was not a compliment but rather a challenge.
      A challenge which he failed. It was never his fear of emotionally destroying me, it was his arrogance in thinking he could.

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      I got that only during sex lol

      Does that still count? Lol

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Lmao!!!!! Mine had a slightly pained look on his face some of the time and when I asked if he was okay he said he was “concentrating”. It was a “face of concentration”. How “utterly” ridiculous.

        On another note I love your screen name. Ah Harley Quinn! My Narc had an obsession with all things Batman and Superman related. Everything seems to jog a memory.

      2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:


        Concentrating?! Mine used to make these really odd moans that almost sounded like a whimper. He also would say such odd things while trying to talk dirty. This paints a picture for you in many ways lmao😂

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Good grief yes it does. Was yours into weird sexual stuff too? I’ve shared this here before so please forgive the graphic description here but mine loved to “taste” himself. I’d go down on him but he didn’t want me to swallow or spit. He wanted me to kiss him and share it. Of course being so starry eyed over him I obliged. And he seemed thrilled at how it all happened. He said his wife “sometimes” did that for him but only once in awhile as a “treat”. Later on when I asked him where he learned of such a thing he referenced his porn and began talking about it and how he didn’t really want to have to watch porn but that he was so “lonely”. He was a middle range cerebral (per my consult with HG).

          1. Jenna says:

            Gbean, he seems to love sex. And i read in your other posts that you two would have sex every time you meet. I thought cerebrals don’t like to have sex?

          2. gabbanzobean says:

            Hi Jenna,
            Yes I thought that too based on some of HG’s writings. My cerebral seemed to enjoy sex. I had him pegged as a serial cheater/sex addict at first before I came to this blog and learned he was a mid range Narc.

            Take this with a grain of salt as I know they lie all the time but he told me that he did not lose his virginity until he was 23. Yet that is the same age he got married. He was “on and off” with his wife since they were teenagers. He said that he was his wife’s first but that he had sex with 30 people. I was scratching my head in disbelief since it did not make sense. So did that mean he had 30 sex with people since he was married to her? Damn he is only 32. That is A LOT of people IF he is telling the truth about losing virginity at 23. To a normal person 30 people seems ridiculous. Maybe he had to inflate that number to brag or something? He was quick to climax which also seemed weird. He said I was just “so beautiful he could not hold it back”. Would someone who had sex with THAT many people still come so fast? LOL.

            But yes we sexed and sexted. Phone, text, media (pics and video)….and in person too. When I saw him we were like wild animals. Several times each visit. With the exception of ONE visit where he firmly stated “the sexual part of our relationship is DONE” and he refused me. He said his guilt for having sex with me was too much and he was “losing his soul”. He stopped me after we began kissing and I was riled up and ready. I was pathetic and continued to try. I remember him grabbing my hands (not violently but firmly) and holding them tight while saying “do not put your arms around me, do not kiss me”. And then he took it back before he left and said “you can have ONE kiss before I go. ONE.” He then said “stop looking at me like that, that thing you are doing with your eyes, stop it, you are a temptress!”

            Yet the next time we saw each other we were back at it. And after he repeated the same “woe is me” nonsense. When I told him “why not tell me no and refuse me like last time” he says….”My willpower is weak in person but THAT CANNOT HAPPEN AGAIN! IT CANNOT!”

            So to answer your question on whether cerebrals like sex….mine seemed to….but then he took it back….but then wanted to again. So I want to say yes but also no. So I have no idea really. Seems like sex is pretty much just a game.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Oh well you are definitely a sport lol!

        Where do I start lol?

        Mine was into strap-ons, small penis humiliation, femdom, asked for me to pee on him (never gave into that one sorry that’s where I draw the line), had a lot of gay porn, tranny porn, found alternate email addresses, found out he was on backpage and Craigslist answering blow jobs in car personals, caught him on a site called (a big dick dating website- he said he was a male seeking a male). He used to want me to tell him what a loser he was and to talk about big dicks and what not.

        Also…the dipshit knew the parks inside and out and would go there at night – asked for a headlamp thing for his birthday – said he would “go off the trails” which is obviously not safe lol… he def was getting some dick in the woods at night.

        To this day he has no idea I know everything I know. He knows I caught him on the website though (abitbigger). I think he suspects I know more but has no idea what I know. I remember he used to say “you don’t have shit” when I would drop hints lol. That’s a real
        Mistake to say to someone like me because I can assure you I will make sure I have shit lmao.

        Unfortunately because he was pushy, whiny, would throw tantrums, guilt me, punish me in some passive aggressive way later, treat me literally like an object (would barely acknowledge my existence other thn to fuck me) so now whenever someone tries to get touchy with me I freak out – I get very anxious because I associate anything sexual with some kind of anxiety- provoking situation. If you know about Pavlov and the dogs (classical conditioning) that’s what has happened to me.

        Omg he used to say the weirdest dirty shit to me! I swear on my life I would look at him dead in the face and be like “um ok nope… getting kinda creepy there” lmao 🤣

        Clearly you can see I’m not afraid of being graphic lmao…

        1. gabbanzobean says:

          Wow. Horrible. Your Narc makes mine look like kittens and rainbows. I’ll “hush” now.

        2. Jenna says:

          Dr. Quin, he sounds like a big time weirdo!

      4. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Yes, he is a weirdo lol and not the good kind.

        Whenever I would speak he would say “ugh your holes are open”

        Sucha charmer isn’t he? Who wouldn’t wanna fuck a guy like that lol? I used to tell him that he wanted a prostitute not a relationship.

        He would say “all I need from you is sex – you know what I want – I don’t understand what you want.” Naturally, I stopped fucking him because he literally would ignore me all day or somehow insult me and sit next to me whip out his dick and like look up at me.

        In the beginning because I was in the sex-crazed stage I was down for anything…anywhere…even when I had a broken wrist (which he broke by accident). When I realized I was ultimately getting nothing and the sexual requests became more bizarre AND he was taking advantage of my generosity (financially,sexually, EVERYTHING) I stopped having sex with him. It was a chore. I felt like a prostitute. I wouldn’t kiss him I didn’t want to touch him… I didn’t want him touching me.

        He used to pick a fight over something ridiculous, attack me for no real reason, or ignore me the whole damn time until he wanted to fuck. I of course would make up excuses or fight back and sometimes that would result in a screaming match (which sometimes includes me crying as well out of anger and frustration) and then somehow we would make up and everything would calm down but the second it would he would I shit you not attempt to touch me and fuck me again and the fight would literally start all over again!

        Keep in mind sometimes the fight was over him nagging and bitching at me about sex and yet after the fight died down he would fucking try to fuck me again and I would look at him like are you a dumb ass?

        1. jenna says:

          He sounds like a sex addict too. I hope you are no longer with him.

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        As I look back and reflect upon all the events that occurred and how it all played out… I recognize now that I went into what HG would call empathetic supernova mode. I stopped being responsive. I broke up with him through a single text message that was like two lines long and cold and disappeared. I mailed his shit back and never spoke a word to him again. When I cut …. I cut… when it’s over… the person is dead to me in my mind.

        I would occasionally secretly do my own thing behind his back when we were together. I would see a guy friend who I knew wanted me or my first psychopath who internitently popped up. You know it’s bad when my first psychopath said “sam ur not the same – I want things back to the way they used to be – I feel like u don’t want me anymore – u just seem like someone else – it is actually kind of sad”.

        I never technically cheated on him (physically) but I really wish I had. My ex was so oblivious and self-involved he didn’t even notice all the shit I was doing or about to do lol.

        I’m finally coming back to myself but it’s been a lot of processing. The cognitive dissonance is amazing. My mind still doubts if he’s gay lol but i realiZe he wanted attention from anyone and I figure he can bang a woman but really wants a man and can’t even face himself.

      6. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Oh god no lol! I broke up with his useless ass in early August. Four years wasted (five if you count when he was cheating on his ex with me). I fucking hate and let me stress HATE wasting my time.

        All the sacrifices, the screaming, the crying, the lies, the game playing has left me intolerant of any bullshittery.

        I wish I had listened to my intuition and stopped rationalizing and making up excuses for a nobody.

        He really is completely vapid.

        I can cut people off much faster now and never look back.

        1. jenna says:

          Good for you dr. Q! 👏👏👏

      7. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Jenna – thank you! Hugs from afar 😁

        Gbean – listen I’m a sexual freak but I think you definitely were a sport lol! I can assure you a man worthy of your time will appreciate it 😜 – don’t waste your sexy on that dingle-berry.

      8. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:


        How’s my favorite dominatrix super empath doing? Sending some love from afar! 😎😀

      9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:


        I was attempting to organize and clean (shocking I know lol Indy in sure you get my ADHD reference lol) and I found my thigh high leather stilettos made me think of you ha! Maybe when fall comes around I’ll whip those bad boys out againand wear em lmao!!

  7. Pamela says:

    Brilliant image and meme. Till death, do us part and then not even after that. If a narcissist felt worthy of such love, would that make a difference, HG? If they could accept being loved., but is that ever possible though?

  8. nat says:

    HG Tudor could you please write an article on how and why you triangulate your ex and girlfriends-to-be to make us jealous?

      1. nat says:

        Thanks so much!

  9. Twilight says:

    Haven’t you experience this unconditional love?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes but at the wrong time.

      1. Twilight says:

        Timing can make a big difference

      2. strongerwendy says:

        Who loved you unconditionally at the wrong time?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Karen was one.

          1. KT says:

            Hoover her back and treat her right

          2. Twilight says:

            Do you believe you could start again with her?

          3. HG Tudor says:


          4. KT says:

            Why not?

          5. HG Tudor says:

            She is no longer capable of doing so

          6. KT says:

            So vague HG… does she have someone else? Did she go NC? Why is she not capable?

          7. Twilight says:

            I am curious as to why, may I ask?

          8. HG Tudor says:

            See earlier answer Twilight

          9. Twilight says:

            I will look as soon as I can, thank you.

          10. Twilight says:

            Is she the one?

          11. strongerwendy says:

            Thank you for responding. ☺

      3. Ms brown says:

        Good Morning HG, when you say “at the wrong time”, when would the “right time” have been? I say the “right time” is as an infant and early childhood. do you agree with this?…..
        as a side note, I am looking forward hearing from you on the Awareness Broadcast tomorrow. did it require a lot of preparing on your part? what content will be covered? THANKS!!!

      4. 12345 says:

        Is there ever a right time?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          When I say so of course.

      5. Indy says:

        Sorry to interrupt but your answer begs the question….The wrong time for you or them? Curious.

      6. Sarah says:

        Can we have an article on this please?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      7. strongerwendy says:

        I think you might like this movie -the control aspect of it (I found your post about Karen). May have a happier ending than the Karen story, though.

        The Secretary:

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do. I have many red pens.

          1. strongerwendy says:

            I thought so.

  10. KT says:

    HG do narcissists want to be loved unconditionally and is secretly hoping for someone who can fix them?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      We expect to be loved unconditionally. We do not hope for someone to fix us as of course, we are not broken.

      1. sarabella says:

        He told me, “Stop hurting yourself.” I said, “So you mean caring for you is hurting myself? He said, “I would expect nothing but for you to care.” I said, “Woa, just reread what you wrote. And I also expect nothing but that from you, too.” He blocked me about 5 minutes later.

        And yes, he expected unconditional love. But the failing in that word is that I think unconditional love only exists (if it exists) between a child and parent (a good parent). Between adults, there is never unconditional love; there is always some level of exchange, even the most subtle. My mother claims to have left her family to go in search of it. But I wonder, does she ever really consider the conditions of that unconditional love? She had to break up her family, abandoned her son, and broke or weakend all her own flesh and blood bonds. That fucking doesn’t seem like unconditional love that she went and allegedly found from someone else other than my father. It seems there were a whole lot of conditions… to get that ‘love’. She had to meet conditions… breaking up her own family and profoundly hurting her children and one never recovered from it.

      2. windstorm2 says:

        It is entirely possible to love someone unconditionally, yet not enjoy their presence. I love all my children unconditionally, but often find it very difficult and stressful to be with the two who are narcs – especially when other people are present. I also love my grandchildren and nieces/nephews unconditionally, but it not as intense a love as for my children. It is possible to love many others unconditionally, but may be easier if they are younger than yourself. Or maybe it’s because I’m getting older. The older I get, the easier it becomes to have unconditional love for many people, even strangers.

  11. STOVER says:

    I have now stopped giving and gone NC forever. He never deserved my love and his horrible treatment of me is finally over .. because I say so! I’m in control now..
    All means of communication has been closed for a week. Emails directly deleted via rules but first they bounce. Phone nr changed and blocked on the work phone.
    He is such a coward so he will never show up where I live but if he still does it I will go upstairs and refuse to open… yet again I doubt he will.
    I will give my love to someone who deserve it… which is ME for the time the being.
    Life is slowly getting back to how it was before I let evil in.
    Thanks to this site, books I’ve read and private consultations.

  12. Indy says:

    Because the person initially doesn’t know the recipient. They know their own reflection. So naturally they fall in love, with their reflection. Like the myth of narcissus.

    1. giulia says:

      Then we are the narcissists. We are the ones that fall in love with our projected image, we are the ones that long for that image and can’t let go….till death.
      There’s something I think I am entitled to, like a perfect and unconditional love. As long as I keep thinking and wanting this there’ll be exploiters.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        The struggle is so real.

      2. We are the narcissists, and we are evil too. They are always mirroring us, that’s all they do. When we reject the projection, we see this as devaluation of us, which we initiated but we don’t see it, nor do we want to accept it. So in a way, they are right in saying everything is our fault.
        Because in fact they don’t really exist.

      3. Indy says:

        I am glad you made this point, Guilia! Though we are not the narcissists(we do not do it for the fuel, and we have emotional empathy), when we engage with one, we are often isolated and alone while we are in the same room with them. Why is this? Because two empty souls are sitting on the same couch. When we engage in co-dependent behaviors such as wanted to change them and rely on them for our existence and happiness, we are being unrealistically selfish in a very unhealthy manner. Not in a narcissistic manner (as it isn’t fuel we are seeking) but self definition for some people(Those with co-dependence and BPD particularly). So, yes, we too are stuck within our own internal battles of self identity and self worth. When we can give ourselves unconditional love, we will not seek to fill this need.

      4. sarabella says:

        There is something in this but I wouldn’t quite put it that way. I was the one who started to really push him away but it was in fact, after he started his quite subtle denigrations. And then, with all his manipulations, it really became hard to see where anything was coming from, who was doing what.

        But I did see something in my experience with all this… I was terrified of him because not only of who he is, but because I did want him to love me and I to love him, and I thought he was capable and what he was giving me seemed like love but when the lovebombing started to shift, I was angry cause I just waned to feel good. So it did make me aware that I slowly had started to accept him ONLY if he made me feel good. This made me see I was using him in a way, too.

        But it wasn’t that simple. He said some horrid things to me that he knew were hurtful. He rather spit them in my face the last night I ever saw him. He knew. And he did not care. He said I misunderstood but he never took to time to get me to explain what he had allegedly meant. It was the complete beginning of the slow tortuous end. If I did something that he was not happy with, I bent over backwards trying to communicate.

        This is where it all sort of breaks down in that we are just falling in love with our projected image. The golden period of any relationship changes, not just narc infused ones. So it’s what comes next that is the real test of what is going on…. can two people ‘return to their respective selves’ and still find interest and warmth and love and enthusiasm for the other? If everything is hinging on those first golden moments, then the relationships will always fail, whether one is with a narc or not.

        There is always mirroring. Always. No matter what, this is what human do. It’s what happens when the mirrors start to shift and you see things differently, see the other differently. Can you stay around and wait it out? Can you enjoy what you newly see? Can you wait out the uncertainties and the shifting process? Or are you so locked onto the frozen concrete image you have of someone that you can’t see this new person? In some ways, this is the infantile part of narcisissm… that the narc can’t see beyond their first impression of other as object and how it was defined. When the person actually becomes human, and not a pure projection and mirror, then is when the devaluations set in and rejecting the object starts.

        What? You pick your nose? I didn’t notice that before about you, and now I do, now you are no good. I must get rid of you…and I do have this other nice object over here who hasn’t changed (yet).

        I, too, have stopped giving. No more…. I feel the need to and want to, but never again.

  13. AH OH says:

    True, but this is what makes hope a real delusion.

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