The Seduction Shuffle Hoover

THE SEDUCTIONSHUFFLEHOOVER

 

The hoover. A tried and trusted method of gaining fuel and exerting control over a victim once again. Whether they are benign or malign the hoover is an integral part of our repertoire. They are often part of a concerted action which is designed to break down your defences and suck you back in so we are able to exert control over you once again. Sometimes it is to con you into resuming the relationship again, sometimes it is purely to hurt you further and draw negative fuel. We may devise a particular scenario, use other people to effect the hoover by proxy and plan an effective way of establishing contact and then unleashing the hoover. For the hoover to be effective it must have two constituent parts: –

  1. A method of contact;
  2. A method of causing a reaction (positive or negative)

We may have devised a delightful scenario which will cause you to come running back to us oozing sympathy-based fuel but if we cannot establish contact with you it is pointless. This is why I often mention how it may seem that we have left you alone but all it is, is that we are waiting for a moment to establish contact so we can then cause the reaction. We are of course mindful that if you escaped us you have no doubt instigated no contact and that your defences remain high, you are on a state of alert and wary about what we are doing. Sometimes sheer force of the hoover and our magnetic personalities prove enough to surmount these defences but this can take time and in particular energy and as you know we prefer to conserve our energy. There is a particular hoover which I call the Seduction Shuffle. It is invariably a benign hoover and relies on you thinking we will do something and you are wrong-footed when we do not, only for us to then make our move.

The circumstances are such that we allow you to know that we are in the vicinity. This may be through somebody else. It might be by walking past where you live or work. We do not make any approach to you. We do not look towards where you might be watching us from, we do not reach out. All we do is want you to know that we are nearby and then we do nothing.

You have been expecting us to get in touch. When we first re-appear or you get news of us being nearby you will raise your defences again expecting an approach but then when it does not happen you are taken aback and confused. Why has he not tried to get in touch? He walked past your window the other day but did not even look towards you? He passed the office but acted as if he did not realise? Perhaps he is interested in me anymore? Why would that be the case? You almost feel insulted by the fact that we are back in town and have not looked you up. You wonder what is wrong and in that usual way of yours you start to question yourself. This failure to act when we show up leaves you somewhat bewildered, possibly relieved and your defences come down. Maybe we have moved on, perhaps we are no longer interested in you although you cannot help but want to know why this is. Your curiosity is piqued and you are torn between knowing you should stay away but also wanting to find out why we have not approached you. Is it the case that we are no longer interested? Could this really be true? You need to know. Part of you wants the confirmation that it is over, part of you wants to know why you are not good enough for us to approach again and your desire to know proves difficult to control. Words reaches you from a third party that they were talking to us, but no, we did not mention you or ask about you. This troubles you although you know you should not care, but you do. Admittedly, there may be some of you who will not react to this method but they are in the minority. The desire to achieve some kind of understanding as to what happened, some kind of closure, perhaps the chance to get a few things off your chest still churns inside of you. The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again, rekindling thoughts and feelings from that first seduction, but overall you want to know why the shark is swimming nearby again but has not come hunting for you. We know these thoughts will be going through your head. We know you saw us. We know that you showed disappointment when a member of our coterie said they had spoken to us and not mentioned you. Already you have begun to provide fuel to us and we are content to wait for that delicious hoover fuel. Hoover fuel is always enjoyable, whether relief, joy, loving or upset, it all empowers us but it is especially rewarding when you come into our sphere of influence again. With defences lowered as you think that you are abler to handle our machinations and manipulations now you decide that you want to find out what we are doing back, who we are with and most of all the reason why we have not been in touch with you. The temptation proves too great and after all, one text message or a telephone conversation cannot do any harm can it? Once we see that message from you or your name appears on the mobile ‘phone screen, or we don’t recognise the number but recognise your voice when we answer we can scent even more fuel. You have made the contact and this tells us that you have opened yourself up to provide us with the sought after reaction and this waiting game has once again proven successful. We can now strike and finish the hoover.

79 thoughts on “The Seduction Shuffle Hoover

  1. C★ says:

    is reply to HG comment regarding “Hate” etc., All I have to say is HG is no saint, but he has the patience of one, demonstrated on this blog with certain people

    1. K says:

      Ha ha ha ha! HG is NOT Richard Grannon. Thanks for the laugh Who Knows. Hoovered 4 x today in the 5th sphere: text.

  2. ajo says:

    I haven’t been contacted since I exposed him. He replied to my contact requesting my payment of what he owes and it was a very unkind response. I have seen him a few times, but he doesn’t try to speak to me and I ignore him. I doubt he will unless it is years down the road. By that time I will be remarried I am sure 🙂 I want him to though. Maybe it’s validation, maybe just so I feel on top. But, I won’t give him fuel. I’ll only be polite like I would be to a stranger. Because he is one.

    1. Who Knows says:

      Does anyone think Richard Grannon is same person as HG Tudor

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Seriously? We are not. I take it you have heard us both speak? We sound nothing like one another.

      2. Twilight says:

        Who Knows

        Not at all

        Now I do find his initials amusing

      3. Mrs Linton says:

        No way. Grannon is Merseyside accent nasal lower socioeconomic HG Tudor Lancashire more posh very different style of delivery.

      4. kimmichaud1 says:

        I can’t stand Richard grannon supposedly he’s a victim of a woman narc but I think he’s a narc and gaya as well nothing wrong with being gay but be honest and the fact that Sam vaknin praises him so much is creepy as hell I wonder if they have something Goin on between them ugh he makes my skin crawl just listening to him

        1. A+ says:

          He was verbally attacking people who did not trust Sam. According to Richard Grannon, their thoughts and feelings should be devalued and denied and he said he was going to block people who commented on Sam. Is he Sam’s flying monkey? I don’t like his energy.

          1. K says:

            A+
            Smearing, verbal abuse and blocking, all devaluation. RG is losing control and has deployed the Narcissist’s Twin Line’s of defence. He sounds like a flying monkey to me.

          2. Ugotit says:

            Wow didn’t know that I actually like Sam ironically but not Richard grannon

      5. Heather Zubiate says:

        Who Knows, not even close! I think HG and Cumberbatch have very very similar voices.

      6. Rebecca says:

        Have no idea who Richard Grannon is. HG, is there a recording of your voice somewhere that l am missing? Or is this something others are commenting due to a private consultation? I assumed those were done through email.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You don’t need to.
          The consultations are audio or e-mail.
          You can hear my voice at my Youtube channel ‘Knowing the Narcissist’.

          1. Rebecca says:

            Great! Didn’t know you had a YouTube channel. Look forward to checking it out. Thanks for responding.

          2. Rebecca says:

            I just listened to one and found it very informative and enjoyable which is as l expected. I like your voice. Very deep, pleasant (almost hypnotic/alluring) and mature/intelligent sounding. And an accent that l can’t quite detect. Where are you from, if you don’t mind me asking?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Different places hence why you cannot detect where I am from.

      7. kimmichaud1 says:

        Heather Zubiate I love the name Benedict Cumberbatch first time I heard of him I was like I need to have a baby boy today so I can name him that I have a weird addiction to long unusual names and a fetish for foreign accents my daughter’s name is quite the mouthful an English name from the middle ages

      8. narc affair says:

        HG sounds nothing like Richard Grannon.

      9. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD. says:

        Question: why did you think they were the same person?

        They don’t sound the same (tone and pronunciation) or act the same (attitude) or use the same lexicon and rate of speech is different….

        1. Twilight says:

          Dr Quinzel

          I think it is RG and HG. Ha ha no one knows HGs real name and going by initials with out hearing them both speak.

      10. A+ says:

        Definitely not the same person.

  3. NC says:

    Mr. Tudor-
    What happens then when we do not give in and send that text (or some similar response) – like you mention in the last paragraph? What is your kinds’ reaction and/or next step?
    -NC

  4. Kim michaud says:

    The first time I was discarded I wanted desperately to be hoovered and when I finally got hoovered I was happy it was some kind of a vindication to me that he was indeed a narc and in my deluded mind I took it as a vindication that he hadn’t forgotten me like I thought he did but I also noticed as soon as I saw the messages I immediately fell into a slight state of depression I still don’t know why but I felt papalby depressed at the same time I felt vindicated. Don’t know if I. Will be hoovered again but this time I feel I won’t because he knows he can’t get what he wants if he does hoover I hope it won’t be for a long time I’m not strong enough yet

    1. Twilight says:

      Kim

      You will in time, keep reading keep looking forward. There is nothing behind you that warrants attention.

      Sometimes we move forward 5 steps and then back 2. When this happens remember you are still ahead and when you move forward again you will be stronger, wiser and you confidence will be building up.

      It may take a month, 6 months or even a year before you look back and see beauty where ashes once where. And you created all of it!

      You are far stronger then you realize, don’t bury the emotion but feel it recognized it, see it for what it is and let it go, don’t hold on to it. I know easier said then done, yet when the time is right you will.

      1. Rebecca says:

        Mr. Tudor, l have read your Super Empath article, as you requested, and found it to be very insightful and informative. Though l
        am not certain, l believe that l exhibit these same traits. I do have a question though…do empaths fluctuate in their range/abilities depending on their circumstances (level of stress)? There are moments when l feel very full as though l
        can give endlessly and my strength will not wane. And other moments when l need to retreat and withdraw from the world to gather myself. These are moments l feel weak. Perhaps becoming a normal
        Empath? However, l have noticed that solitude is a quick healer for me. It does not take long for me to recover my former strength. And it is often at these times that l remember to give myself compassion. So it is only a temporary setback…a reminder that l too need to love and nurturing. Once l fill my cup then l immediately want to give again.

      2. E says:

        In the past Ive overestimated my ability of handling his machinations and manipulations and have lowered dawn my defences a couple of time….Oh my! When I was going to learn? I was soo sure that I have moved on…I was wrong!!! He left Xmas goodies at the back of my door and the silence, no card or text, or phone call. I thought it will be rude not te say thank you….was bloody mistake!!!
        Big mistake!
        And not only one! On my Birthdays he used to leave a bottle shampagne at my door, or flowers delivered to my house and AGAIN!!!I thought why he does that but stay away and being silent? OK, lets send him text ….Bloody fool !!!
        Now two months NC and I still aware of the risk he might do something to get my reaction. 10 years ago , after 3 months into relationship, I’ve told him that I did’t like how things were developing and that was not good for me and I ‘ve broke up with him. Since then he makes sure I have been punished enough. Now I know there was no love at all and I have to be on alert at least for a year to make sure I wont slip on that road again. Right?

      3. cantevergoback says:

        I often feel like I take 2 steps forward 5 steps back…I broke NC about a week ago, my reply was neutral but still feel terrible that I did it; This blog helped me in predicting almost word for word what his responses would be but I’m still not to the point of acceptance— I know intuitively and cognitively that he is a Narc and will never change, but my heart and soul just haven’t accepted there will never be any vindication 😢

        1. Twilight says:

          cantevergoback

          It is ok you broke no contact, that desire is tough to work around.
          Don’t beat yourself up, keep coming here, keep reading. If you haven’t consulted with HG maybe speaking to him privately will help. His advice and being able to see situations differently may be able to get your heart and mind on the same page. I do know that is a hard battle to fight.
          The first time I spoke with him my heart and mind where stil at odds. He helped me.
          Keeping coming here many here can give you the support that is needed, due to understanding where many in real life don’t die to lack of experiencing things.
          Keep fighting and never give up on yourself.

      4. kimmichaud1 says:

        Thank u for your always kind and wise words twilight

      5. E says:

        Wanted to say earlier…beautiful words Twilight x

      6. cantevergoback says:

        Thanks so much twilight for your kind words and support!
        I think I finally got the vindication I needed; I happened to drive by his house last night and saw him with his new supply who he has been adamantly denying, she was a major source of contention during our relationship he used her in triangulations etc. and she very much wanted him. I always accused him of entertaining her to keep her around and also thought he may have had an affair with her
        which he vehemently denied she’s not his type, he would never be with her etc.

        So of course I drive by to make sure he saw me see them together I then got several emails calling me crazy etc telling me I’m jealous what did I expect him to do after leaving him to which I replied that “ I am not jealous there’s nothing worth being jealous you replaced me before I was gone I finally got the closure I needed and the vindication of knowing you are nothing but a liar”
        I feel confident that I can now maintain no contact knowing my intuition was right and it alleviates any guilt I felt for leaving or any doubt that he wasn’t a narcissist sociopath and just a wounded individual— though I think I have wounded him because I caught him in a major lie and also told him I didn’t care about him or her? HG?

        Yes I do need to get a consult but finances are a concern right now we were essentially homeless for about a month, (stayed in DV shelter and with friends) he took all of the money out of our joint account and I’m still trying to recover from that. I’m still trying to recover from a lot of things but I know if I was strong enough to escape I’m strong enough to thrive without him one day I won’t have such limiting beliefs and self doubt believing that I’m not good enough.

    2. Mrs Linton says:

      I always tried to convince myself that if I was hoovered it meant that they had seen the error of their ways, I was just trying to get some control back. Silly really. I would hang on their every word

      1. HG Tudor says:

        That is your emotional thinking conning you Mrs L.

        1. Mrs Linton says:

          You are so right Mr Tudor.

  5. Salome says:

    “The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again”.

    No.
    I saw my Elite Narc after 3 months of No Contact.
    We start to prepare the new show together at Opéra.
    He seems 10 years older (?!).
    In 5 minutes he told me so many times “I don’t understand your reaction”

    He looks the worst ever.
    Face and his clothes.
    So bad…
    The T-shirt with logo of the bar we have seen each other last time.

    Dear HG
    What kind of hoover it is?(If it is).
    Does he look so bad because he has not enough fuel?
    Or he is playing the victime?
    But what about the façade?
    So many people can see him…

  6. Mrs Linton says:

    Devaluation says “you are not even worthy of a half baked hoover”

  7. Mrs Linton says:

    This is fascinating. A more sophisticated version of the takeaway game.

  8. Rhyming Fun says:

    Mr. Tudor secretly hates me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No he does not. I do not know you. I do find however your repeated (incorrect) attempts at suggesting that I do, ridiculous.

      1. Sniglet says:

        I find comments similar and including these “you hate me” to be used sometimes as a manipulation tactic to extract a reaction from people who are quite or do not provide the message wanted to the instigator. It is a fishing expedition. Sometimes used as joke, or unsettle someone.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Correct.

      2. Rhyming Fun says:

        I believe you, Mr. Tudor; I am sorry for suggesting otherwise. I was just being overly-sensitive. <3

        Hugs!

      3. analise13 says:

        HG, I noticed similar reactions like the one above.
        What do you think causes these reactions from certain followers?
        Is it attention seeking behaviour ?
        Or confusing their relationship here with you.
        With that of their own narcissistic relationship?
        Do you feel annoyed or amused by such comments ?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Some people arrive at the blog very raw and hurt. There is a tirade against me. It is a little fuel and I understand why they do it. Sometimes I leave it be, sometimes I respond with humour. Those people sometimes then vanish, often they remain and start to learn and shift their approach. They may still well dislike me or even hate me, fair enough, I understand why that would be the case, so long as they are not inaccurate about me, it is not an issue.
          Some people transfer the hate and hurt for their narcissist on to me. I understand that and again, it is not an issue. The majority understand what I am but recognise that this a constructive place to gain knowledge and understanding which is unique and it is to their benefit. Nobody forces people to read here but those that do are arming themselves and moving forward.They will also find kinship with other commenters and humour too.
          In instances where people suggest I hate them, they are wrong. I do not know anybody on the blog. They are tertiary sources. I have no need to hate them and there are further reasons why that just is not the case.
          Indeed, a dispassionate analysis of my interaction with the individual will show that their suggestion that I hate them has no factual basis at all. Their statement is based on their skewed perception which is borne out of wanting to matter to me and therefore suggesting that I hate the individual and thus discriminate against them is their attempt to matter to me. It is their issue and is not mine. I will simply point out they are incorrect and anybody who can see the interaction will see that I am correct.
          It does not annoy me. I find it tedious because I dislike inaccuracy and especially when it becomes repeated. I suspect other readers find it tedious as well. The time is better spent commenting on the narcissistic dynamic, providing observations, asking questions and learning.

          1. analise13 says:

            Thank you forso thoroughly explaining, HG. It can get confusing at times.
            I have observed all the dynmaics you explain.
            The first and second dynamic I understand, as you said the individuals are emotionally raw and lash out from such.

            It is the third dynamic that confuses me. But, perhaps not.
            So then that dynamic is attention seeking?
            Or misplaced attachments issues?

            I have noticed it occurring on blog and decided to ask about it.
            I agree this blog is best used to learn and heal.
            To use the methods you arm us all with to benefit us outside of the blog.
            Not revert back to negative behaviours which can create more issues in-someone moving forward.

        2. Mrs Linton says:

          I don’t want to upset anyone. Victim like thoughts thoughts of self harm and belief in their own importance to others can be BPD Attracted sometimes to Narcissists. Just sayin.

      4. kimmichaud1 says:

        I have been guilty of this I have never said you hate me but I made a comment of a similar nature. It was not because I hate you nor was I delusional enough to think I matter to you. However I was guilty of transferring my feelings I had for my narc onto you. I guess my thought was he is a waste of time cuz he has no insight but with you having insight I thought maybe I could encourage you to seek healing for your inner child which in turn would make me feel like my relationship with my narc wasn’t a waste of time because I helped a different narc just not him. Your next post showed me how delusional I was being not intentionally on ur part. I think what I’m guilty of is repeatedly forgetting ur a narc because ur not acting narcy towards us. That probably makes no sense but I just had to put it out there.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Some people think that they are going to always see my ‘dark side’ here. Once they read and understand (a) how we operate ; and (b) how this forum operates, they realise this is not going to happen.

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            It does surprise me, though, how often people seem to forget you have your dark side. So often I think we err in seeing only what we want to see and blocking out the rest. But that’s part of what let’s narcs thrive.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Correct.

  9. Salome says:

    “The fact we looked well has drawn your interest again”.

    No.
    I saw my Elite Narc after 3 months of No Contact.
    We start to prepare the new show together at Opéra.
    He seems 10 years older (?!).
    In 5 minutes he told me so many times “I don’t understand your reaction”

    He looks wors ever.
    Face and his clothes.
    So bad…
    The T-shirt with logo of the bar we have seen each other last time.

    Dear HG
    What kind of hoover it is?(If it is).
    Does he look so bad because he has not enough fuel?
    Or he is playing the victime?
    But what about the façade?
    So many people can see him…

    1. Salome says:

      worsE

    2. Salome says:

      The worst ever

  10. Cathrine says:

    The all consuming need for a closure. I do recognise that. Of course I never got one. He wouldn’t even admit we were over, opening up for future hoovers I guess. When I tried to get my keys back from him he either didn’t answer my text messages or he answered in a nonsensical way that infuriated me even further. Passive aggressiveness is the worst behaviour I know, refusing any kind of communication that actually is meaningful. He answered my requests stating that he had fish for dinner or something like that. Childish and horribly mean. And of course empowering him all the more. The bastard!

  11. Rhyming Fun says:

    Mr. Tudor, I was thinking to say this to you so many times, what Salome just said to you, but I was afraid of making you angry at me for suggesting it. So, I didn’t. But, these are my same sentiments to you, too, Mr. Tudor. And, where I live has vines in yards.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. I prefer the vineyard to the vine in the yard.

      1. Salome says:

        😊

      2. Rhyming Fun says:

        I was so happy, today, and now I am so upset. Whatever, Mr. Tudor. Just, whatever. Maybe I should just go strangle myself with that vine!

      3. Erin says:

        “I prefer the vineyard to the vine in the yard.”
        That was a brilliant quip, ahah!

  12. Salome says:

    Dear HG

    It would be so wonderful if you come once here, in France…
    I would like so much to talk to you directly…
    To tell you “Thank you”.
    Thank you for teaching me the rules of narc-dance.
    You are the best professor.
    You are the best doctor.
    You make me reach back my sanity.
    I’m shining again.
    Thank you!
    I’m shining againg
    I can see it in the men’s eyes
    I can see it in the mirror
    Thanks God!
    I’m absolutely sure you are Godsended, dear HG!!!
    I’m so happy that I know you!

    Salome, Super Empath (Contagion?)
    3rd month of No Contact

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Salome. France is a beautiful country. I hope you live near a vineyard!

      1. Salome says:

        You hope…
        Gooooood….

        Until how many kms means near for you?

    2. Twilight says:

      Salome

      He is the best to show the way!!!
      Three months that is awesome!!

      You added Contangion? Are you a Super Empath or do you believe your a Contagion? Or a mixture?

      I apologise for the questions, I am a Contagion and now I feel very exposed…..

      Twilight

      1. Rebecca says:

        What is a super and a contangion?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Please see the article about The Super Empath. The Contagion Empath is a different school of empath which will be written about in the future.

      2. Salome says:

        I will know more when HG will post the article about Contagion Empath, Twilight

        1. Twilight says:

          Hello Salome

          I apologise if have made you uncomfortable. I understand why one would want to wait.

          HG is the one who told me I am a Contagion,

          No one else has questioned if they were or not here, you did why I asked. I have only used the term Energy Empath.

      3. Erin says:

        H.G., I really struggle to understand what type of Empath I would fit into under your definitions. I read some people think of me as a saviour, but I know I have no patience for people who wallow in self-pity or who complain all the time. I cherish my independence so I don’t think I’m co-dependent…I tend to be on the more reserved side so I don’t believe I’m a super empath. I guess maybe I could be a standard who happens to be mostly immune to guilt-trips? I know the whole categorisation is probably just a guideline, but now I’m rather curious 🙂 I look forward to reading more about the different schools and seeing if there is any I identify with.
        I also would imagine different narcs would be attracted to different types of empath, such as covert “victim” narcs being happiest with saviours, or lessers with co-dependents, while perhaps a greater might get most satisfaction from a super? I wonder.
        Regardless, thanks for your articles, they are always an interesting read.

      4. Twilight says:

        HG

        I apologise to you and hope many will look up the articles on the different schools of Empaths and not question you.
        Now if they want to consult with you privately maybe you would consider that to help them discover which school they fit into. With your vast knowledge I don’t believe it takes long for you to decipher which one belongs to.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do assist people with that issue in consultation if that is something they wish to discuss with me, Twilight.

          1. Twilight says:

            I thought so HG I just wasn’t going to volunteer you to do such
            Thank you for confirming things

      5. Erin says:

        Twilight,
        H.G said that he had not yet finished writing about the different schools, and I was just commenting that I had not yet found one I identified with. When all school will have been explored, and if I still do not feel any fit me, I might then seek a consultation, but it seems silly to do so now as I have my current narcs under control and am in no immediate peril or need.

        1. Twilight says:

          Erin

          I am happy to see you are in control of your situation.

          My comment was addressed to HG not you, My suggestion was generalized, I wasn’t positive thou to if he did just consults on finding out what school an empath is. There are many new people here and they may want to speak with him privately on this matter and may not have known sense many speak of consults on their situations.
          Now I do understand why you could have taken it I was directing this towards you as to it fell under your comment.

      6. Windstorm2 says:

        Twilight
        I’m a contagion too and also consider myself an energy empath.

        1. Twilight says:

          Windstorm2

          How long have you know you were a contagion?

          1. Windstorm2 says:

            Twilight
            I’ve known since I read whichever article HG explained what contagion was. I have been that way probably from birth, certainly ever since I can remember. I have learned how to live with it better over the years, but it is incredibly obnoxious and has caused me no end of grief.

    3. An says:

      I just get depressed when I read them. It brings awareness and keeps me away, but down that people think and are that way

  13. alexandra fagan says:

    This explais exactly whatt has happend to me many times over the years…Thankyou for explaining , thought I was a bit crazy now I know better. 3 months no contact now and feeling better every day.

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