Poll : Which Super Power Would You Choose?

POLLHG WANTSTO KNOW

I’m feeling generous. You may choose one super power and one only. It is exactly as described below, no modifications, no caveats, no conditions other than stated. Which would you choose and why?

Time Travel – you may go back in time and all that has happened is reversed. Your knowledge and memory remains preserved however.

Narc Detector – you immediately know someone is a narcissist as soon as they engage with you, whether in person, by message, by telephone call.

Automatic Enlightenment – you know exactly why the narcissist is doing what he or she is doing or saying

New Victim Awareness – this only works with regard to the narcissist you were ensnared by, but all future victims are immediately made aware of what the narcissist is and they fully understand as soon as the narcissist starts to engage with them

Guilt Free – your empathic trait of guilt is removed. All other empathic traits remain.

Knowledge Spreader – anybody you touch immediately understands about narcissism

Addiction Purge – you are no longer addicted to narcissists

Fuel Valve – you can shut off providing fuel at will

Truth Serum – the narcissist you are ensnared by or were ensnared by can now only speak the truth from the empathic perspective

Total Exposure – everybody within a five mile radius of the narcissist knows what he or she has done. This is a one-off hit activated when you choose.

Which of these super powers would you choose with reference to narcissists?

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223 thoughts on “Poll : Which Super Power Would You Choose?”

  1. Sorry but the polls often don’t seem to show on Word(stupid)Press. Nor the options to vote. It’s only through the narcsite I could find and vote and comment on this poll.

    I voted for superpower of “addiction purge”. Many of us have a natural draw to this kind. It is the hardest thing to beat and go against and control something already inside you. I think some of us have a disadvantage in that way. It may well be due to having narcissistic parents, or other familial connections with them. This isn’t just us dealing with narcs. We are dealing with a full on addiction just as powerful as any other addiction out there. But it’s not always recognised as an addiction. This is what makes it all the more dangerous.

    1. Tigerschelle
      Next time there’s a poll you see in WordPress, click on “see all comments”, then scroll up into the article. The choices will be there and you can vote.

  2. Thinking about all the options.. Best Superpower!

    Time travel.. If going to remember, why reverse what has happened?

    Truth Serum.. Still would be saying the same crap.. Just with less harshness.

    Addiction purge.. Thought about this one but.. Going no contact helps with the physiological addiction aspect. Hormones and neurotransmitters that go haywire when with or communicating after discard, rebalance without the stimulation. One can break the addiction.

    Narc detector.. Hopefully after one experience or maybe 2..one knows the red flags of a narcissist and won’t need this.

    Total exposure.. An option but there’s a better superpower yet to be explained…

    Knowledge spreader.. Doing that to anyone that listens and wants to learn now.

    Auto Enlightenment.. Research the web.. HG Tudor and Sam Vaknin… One will understand why..

    Guilty free.. Guilt is a healthy trait in many ways.. Good to keep..

    Fuel Valve… Back to No contact.. Any words, thought or action whether positive or negative is fuel.. No contact.. No fuel.

    To me.. The BEST Super power is New Victim Awareness. Why? If the next victim knows what the Narc is, what will happen, what a relationship with such will entail before becoming addicted.. They won’t likely be a victim and hurt having the knowledge upfront… They will understand this person won’t change and only pain is to come. The Narc will slowly and painfully whither away as fuel sources are cut off and the Narc has nothing to prop up his false self up with and only has their true self to live with.. The true self he/she can’t stand and hides behind a mask, a facade created and maintained from the fuel gained from victims. The omnipotence, high self regard, compliments, sex, positive and negative words, actions and thought that the Narc thrives on and now not being feed.. The Narc crumbles and withdrawals into his shell. Dies a metaphorical or physical death. The world would then be Narc free as every Narc would be exposed to all and unable to obtain the potent fuel need for survival..

    Just my take.. Still a work in progress to free myself.. Remain no contact. Heal.. Move forward into the light and out of his darkness..

  3. I was thinking I would choose truth serum but I wouldn’t want the truth about my ex. Listening to his lies were painful enough. I am sure he has lots of secrets that I never knew about. I know enough. I don’t need the whole truth about the past anymore.

    I would like the truth about what is currently happening in my life.

    I would like the power to become invisible. Then I would hang out with my children and nephew, witness the truth with my own eyes.
    And every time they try to take a hit off the bong, I would blow out the match.

    It would just be nice to eliminate any doubt.

  4. Ultimately, what I would want is for them to like me, to respect me, to love me. The rejection is unbearable. I would have never chosen to have been born. Some my say I am selfish, I am just being honest.

    1. E & L you don’t sound selfish. Everyone has moments when they feel defeated. I’ve been feeling great lately since I went no contact but yesterday I woke up and felt unbelievably sad. Sad for the loss and rejection. I think it’s ok to embrace these moments of sadness. It helps us recognize that we need to take care of ourselves. You reaching out shows you are not defeated. You have the strength to get through this.

    2. E&L
      “what I would want is for them to like me, to respect me, to love me. The rejection is unbearable. I would have never chosen to have been born.”

      How is that selfish in any way? That’s a very normal way to feel. It is not selfish to want to stop suffering and all people want respect and love!

      All my childhood and much of my adult life I felt rejected and unloved. I often wished I’d never been born. I finally decided somewhere in my 30’s that I deserved respect and love and if no one else was going to give it to me, then I’d make sure I gave it to myself.

      I started doing just that and it’s amazing how it turned my life around! I do very much appreciate and enjoy when I get shown respect and love, but it’s like icing on a cake, now. Once I learned how to love and appreciate myself, other people’s actions and opinions lost the ability to hurt me except superficially – which is easily gotten beyond.

      Work on living your life the way you want to and stay aware of the awesome person you are! Shake off other people’s negative thoughts like you would rain and wrap yourself in the warmth of your own happiness! ❤️

      1. Hi Windstorm, as a middle-aged woman I feel embarrassed admitting this. In my head, I’m like “Grow up, nobody cares!”. Booked a session with HG! Thanks for sharing your positive message with me.

      2. E&L
        Well since I’m officially “old” (61), I’m sure you’re younger than I am! Never feel embarrassed admitting things here. That’s part of what this blog is. It has morphed into a support site for narc victims. Sharing honestly allows us to all support and help each other (in addition to increasing HGs understanding and insight into empath’s thinking and the reach and popularity of his blog).

        If you want embarrassing, I just drove 1400 miles across police infested Missouri without my driver’s license (left it on my copier at home) only to come home to my much awaited first 7 seasons of Death in Paradise on DVD’s that can not be played in the the US, only in England (wrong format). $141 wasted!

        Baggage from our childhood and past can be dealt with. Senility unfortunately is permanent. 🙁

      3. MB
        That cracked me up! Sitting here right now I don’t think anyone would want to be where I am! Ha, ha, ha!

        In all seriousness, it’s like my Daddy told me 50+ years ago, the Lord takes care of fools and little children, so we’d both always be safe! Lol! God takes care of me, no idea why. I just am always grateful!

  5. Time travel only to go back the the beginning and pull the root of what is narcissism out.
    I know in that moment I would change the man I love because he wouldn’t be the same man he is today, to give him a chance of never experiencing childhood abuse.

      1. MB

        Thank you.

        Ultimately I always think of him, he would never have experience the abuse he did, you remove narcissism from the beginning none of us would have experience the abuse.

  6. Hello HG and hi again everybody else here. I disappeared for awhile because I was in a phase where I needed to sort other things out and I needed some time away from thinking continuously about what I’ve now come to consider to be the horrible nightmare I went through in what I think of as the past, but I guess I’m back again wondering how you all are? How are you? I’ve missed you all!

    To politely answer the poll I chose New Victim Awareness. I’m feeling much better now and I wish I could at least save one woman from the utter madness and the hell I went through. That would no doubt at least make my day.

    For me over a year has passed since the breakup now and even though I still think a lot about it it’s not always on my mind anymore. It doesn’t hurt that way anymore; it’s like those feelings of despair and anxiety from my broken heart can’t get to me anymore. And I also did get the closure I longed so for after seriously giving it some thought for such a long time and discussing it here in detail rather endlessly. Because in the end I did decide against all advice (sorry, but it was right for me at that stage in my healing) to send my ex the letter I wanted to send basically to let him know what kind of a person I consider him to be so I just did it and I must say I don’t regret it at all. I kept it quite simple, concentrated on the big issues and I wrote without love, sadness or anger; rather academic in my approach I would say. I just let him know what he did to me and I turned the tables on him telling him what a sorry excuse for a human being he is, pretending to be the eternal victim when he obviously was the perpetrator all along. I went into detail about his physical abuse of me but otherwise I kept it quite general. I can’t be sure that he read it of course (and honestly I don’t care anymore), but he did open it without answering which was expected. I even told him that I didn’t want an answer. From then on I feel that I’ve let go finally in most ways. I feel set free and I got my justice at long last.

    So life is not about him anymore; it’s about me at last. Today I can assuredly say that the addiction, if not completely over, has transformed into something else in my life. I mostly think of him as a really disturbed person who will be stuck in his evil make believe world forever; a person I’m happy to have escaped. I don’t wish to reverse the time though; for me the experience in all its awfulness taught me profound truths about myself that I’m not sure I would have come by without going through it step by anxiety ridden step and I’m a stronger person today than ever before because of it. What I do miss are some parts of me that he stole and that are taking a long time to regain. I’ve struggled so with finding my way back to myself and I’ve gained an incredible amount of knowledge along the way, but some of the emptiness inside still plays tricks with me at times. I feel devoid of emotions sometimes. Does that even make sense? I’m back living my life filled with a slow burning happiness that glows in my heart even though I’m more guarded now, but when it comes to romance I’m empty. I’ve dated a bit the last few months and met a man with a heart of pure gold who cares about me genuinely. And I do like him, I don’t doubt his motives at all, and I do want to fall in love with him but at the same time I don’t really feel anything. I’m still this desert emotionally. It’s like I’m not able to let go again, I’m not allowing myself to be vulnerable and I’m at my happiest alone. That’s not how I want to be. But that’s where I’m at. The one thing I do miss is how my ex made me feel alive inside through all the turmoil of heaven and hell. I can’t seem to access normal feelings again. Anyway, a long recap when I just wanted to say hi. I hope you’re all well!

  7. Truth Serum because the truth will set you free, and it would be great for him to not only have to tell the truth to others,but hear the truth fall out of his own mouth.

  8. Lol Kiki yeah you are right on all ends though I usually just read. I feel far more empowered now than I used to. Technically I’m trading one addiction for another but at least this addiction has no interest so I feel far safer.

  9. WiserNow
    Ha ha ha…I don’t know what happened. One minute I had empathy and then it was gone in a picosecond* and the narcissistic traits: hatred and the desire to punish came to the fore and I lost control…and it felt so good!

    *I got that word from HG’s WNAAD interview.

    1. It sounds like you went supernova K! 😀 I know what you mean, it feels good to unleash those narcy traits now and then.

      Picosecond… that’s another new word to add to the list 👍 You are both funny AND educational.

      PS. It’s great that your daughter is aware of what empathy means. Well done to both of you!

      1. Thank you WiserNow
        I am glad you found the comment, because I hit post and it went: poof! That was definitely a supernova moment because I felt a catastrophic explosion and just went with it. The unleashing felt sublime!

        This blog has some fabulous vocabulary and the education is spectacular.

        Most of what I learn on narcsite, I pass on to my daughter so she can protect herself and her classmates and I am very lucky because she picks up the lessons very quickly and uses them well.

      2. That’s great K. I think that teaching children to be more self-aware and conscious of their thoughts and feelings, as well as the thoughts and feelings of others is wonderful. Children have open minds and learn quickly without as much judgement as adults. Mental and emotional self-protection should be part of normal school lessons when children are ready to learn it. I think it would be helpful for life-long mental health.

  10. TIME TRAVEL

    I would go back to 1986 & be with the UGN then as I wanted to be instead of the narc that got me & separated him & I.
    It would have saved a lot of pain & heartache & years in isolation hiding from you bastards not knowing what you were & saved me the devastating revenge that he dispatched 30 years later. I have spent the last 2 years healing & getting on the path that I was meant to be on.
    That moment, that year, changed everything.

    Or maybe even go back to around 1976 when my mother started calling me into the room when dad was raging at her so she could use me as a buffer to protect herself because he hit her less when I was in the room quite often after she’d been the agent provocateur. I should have run away then. I might have had a chance.

    Time travel it is.

    As for the other choices, well my narc detection skills are becoming increasingly finely honed so that covers a lot of the rest of them. One I discovered in recent months makes you HG & my ex UGN combined look like Mary Poppins nor do I believe either of you would even want to be associated with what this thing is doing. It is pure evil the likes of which I have never seen.

  11. Time travel.. would go back and never meet him, let alone marry him and have his name on my house.. because now I am trapped and suffered many years on all levels.

  12. Time travel was tempting. A lot of damage was caused by this affair, and I’ve carried the guilt. But it had a domino effect. He was exposed to his other DLS who in turn exposed him to a former IPPS who I believe he was hoovering back into a formal relationship.

    The guilt I’ve checked at the door. I now know what I am responsible for, the rest is his baggage.

    Knowledge spreading is my choice. Imagine going to where he works and brushing shoulders with his victim pool and then coming home leaving him exposed. Allowing others in abusive relationships to cut ties and get their lives back. Win, win.

  13. Hi

    I think listening to HG alone is providing us with the biggest superpower ever and that is awareness.
    Does anyone feel that their real life narc is a lesser person than HG.
    I don’t know maybe I’m crushing on his sexy commanding voice lol.
    I just have to listen to HG for a short while and my emotional thinking regards my ex narc goes right down.All urges to contact him stop.
    I suppose it’s a good thing to find listening to HG better than contacting the narc.

    1. Hahaha Kiki, when talking to my N I often think to myself “why can’t you be a cool narc like HG?”

      You know HG, even if we can’t learn to purge narcs from our future relationships at least you have set our standards high!

      1. I wonder if HG is as alluring as his voice is.I imagine he is .Why do I feel like he is protective of us all which sounds insane because he is a greater narc with no empathy.Its strange but I find HG is a very powerful protective male force (energy) despite everything about him.
        He does not manipulate or hurt us , he is like a strong male energy I can lean on through cyberspace when I feel down over ex narcs treatment of me.It is quite surreal.
        Maybe I have lost it I don’t know , but I really feel this way. HG reminds me of Dracula banishing all the clawing blood thirsty lesser vampires from his sphere.

      2. Kiki,

        My psychologist friends call HG Dracula. It’s funny that you say that 🤪.

        I can understand why people would perceive him that way.

      3. HG cannot be Dracula. Dracula became “Dracula” because of his love for Mina. HG doesn’t feel love. But on that note, Gary Oldman was to die for in Bram Stokers Dracula. He should have gotten an Oscar for that opening scene. I just fell in love with him in that movie! He was absolutely breathtaking!

      4. Dracula – hahahaa! YES! That hypnotic effect we’ve mentioned on the blog..

        Yes, my narc doesn’t draw me anymore.. He recently contacted me, but when he suggested we see each other, I just said no, thank you..

        But with Hg.. he’s my remaining addiction I struggle to overcome..

        But I remind myself.. and hear, in his oh-so-sexy voice..” I am a narcissist. You are an appliance,” (an asset if I’m lucky), and his repeated refrain of “I don’t care.”

        I’ll get there eventually. At least I can laugh at myself now!

    2. I agree with you Miss. Kiki.

      In fact, whenever I think that what I learned from HG is enough and I go away, my emotional thinking immediately try to trick me to think positively about Mr.Narc. Only when I come back to read and listen to the truth, I get over the urge of thinking about the Narc.

      I don’t have any desire to contact him anymore. He just pop up into my head while am working or writing, and I fear that this thinking could develop into a desire of contact that’s why I immediately come back to read the truth.

      So, yes. HG’s work is a perfect protection.

  14. The addiction is the worst part. Even though I know a guy is bad news, I just have to see what happens next. Sometimes it just manifests as morbid curiosity. After being the IPPS in one relationship, I faced 2 years of malignant hoovers and eventually had to cut off every mutual friend we shared save one or two. At first I couldn’t stay away from him. I learned really fast that addiction was my worst enemy.

    Even now I know there’s a girl somewhere who just got taken on a romantic getaway to Jamaica with an incredibly handsome narcissist, and there but for the grace of God go I, because I threw myself at him before I knew the truth. And still, I miss him, or more accurately, I miss the mask . . . entirely irrational.

  15. Addiction Purge
    This is the best stuff
    It gives you real freedom
    If you got it you don’t give a damn about any narcissist anymore and you can play with just for fun and pure pleasure

  16. I’d love to have picked Time Travel but being honest with myself, this horrific narc experience has opened my eyes to a lifetime of doormat/codependency issues from childhood. I’m becoming the person I wish I was many years ago because of it. So I picked Victim Awareness due to even if I knew I may still have gone through it in order to learn to let go of the things in life that can’t be changed. But I’d not be blind sided. And for those that don’t need that lesson they’d simply say &@$! this shit and walk away. May sound a bit messed up but just me trying to put my view into words.

  17. This was difficult. At first I was thinking I would pick Truth Serum or Total Exposure. However for me both of those are still focusing on my ex instead of me. I choose Addiction Purge. I can be rid of my addiction and focus more on myself.

  18. This was a tough choice between automatic enlightenment and guilt purge. I chose the first because I think guilt serves a purpose whereas blindness does not. Also, I would still hang on to parts of the relationship and I might have been able to make those parts more prominent had I been enlightened.

    Knowledge spreader could be accomplished with the GOSO T-shirts, HG.

      1. HG, can you instruct the minions to make T-shirts available in women’s cut too please? Nothing worse than an ill-fitting men’s size shirt. If they’re only worn to sleep in, the purpose is defeated. Racer back tank tops for wearing at the gym might be appropriate as well. Lotsa narc action there.

      2. HG brings the calm after the storm!

        How are you MB? I have been keeping a watch on NC, it is awful.

      3. Twilight, it is awful and still getting worse as the rivers continue to rise. It’s been raining here for two days now, but not nearly the flooding here they have down east. I’m venturing out to work shortly. I’ve stayed inside all weekend.

        Re: the calm…after reading ‘Chained’ this weekend, I got my answer as to what the calm is I feel around narcissists. And no, HG, it’s not Xanax! It’s the shelter of the construct. You explained it so well. I’m glad I read it.

      4. MB

        Be careful, the flooding is the worse. We are getting the lighter rain still here in Richmond,
        Once the water recedes the clean up is going to be rough. I saw pictures of a couple of farms, that broke my heart the animals were not evacuated. Keeping them penned with no access to escape actually irks the hell out of me.

        HG is not Xanax that made me giggled, my meaning thou to him being the calm to the storm is here and his work. He is the calm to the storm so many have experienced in their lives with those of his kind, providing the answers and ways to navigate and build logic.

        Chained is a wonderful book, one I found insightful.

      5. Take care, MB! I am actually heading down to NC soon, but to the western part of the state.

        I’ll have to read Chained because I felt that calm too – like I was in a bubble/shelter.

      6. SMH, he explains it well. I really think it could be a match made in heaven if the narcissist didn’t have to eventually get so damn nasty.

        Safe travels!

      7. Exactly, MB. I loved that bubble. I was happy in that bubble. If only it did not go pop all the time.

      8. MB, love the gym idea. We are on the same page that the Ts have to be wearable. Maybe HG will allow us to be the T-shirt committee.

      9. Love this idea! We’ve been telling him for years now that he should come up with tee shirts! 🌻

      10. FM1T
        Yes, and bobble heads, undergarments, bumper stickers, sex toys…as well as Empath managed Coffee shops serving Narc roast…the list for merchandising has been lengthy.

      11. SMH, I have a feeling he’s already way ahead of us, it would be a fun poll though. He needs to know how many to have made.

      12. Good. I expect a cut! Speaking of cuts, I don’t wear crew necks so please make some v-necks. I also don’t wear primary colours and am not a fan of most purples. I can pull up the pantone colour chart if you want some help. Or maybe you should set up a colour and cut poll for your fan base.

      13. SMH
        You just gave ma an idea! Barbie Pink with sparkles, children’s sizes so I can send my daughter to her father’s house with it on!

      14. I’m so glad you all are bold enough to make these suggestions, there is nothing worse than a man’s cut, baggy, primary color t shirt that I will keep around but never wear : D

      15. I laughed so hard on HG’s “relax” comment. My co-dependent boyfriend is constantly telling me this. He likes to bury his head in the sand on everything which forces me to step up and have to take care of stuff. Then, when I finally do things like, start saying how he needs to quit pretending that everything will go away if he only ignores it, telling me to relax is his defense mechanism. I find it charming and funny!

      1. E. B.
        Absolutely, I would wear that. Damn straight it is the Holy Grail! All the answers are here.

      2. K, no wonder he does not want us to know what he looks like. Imagine what mischief we could get up to.

      3. All kinds of mischief SMH
        “Mischief, thou art afoot. Take thou what course thou wilt.”
        W.Shakespeare

      4. K
        “Mischief, thou art afoot. Take thou what course thou wilt.”

        That is a great quote!! Too true!

        I’ve been trying for days now to come up with a descriptive name for my exhusband at MBs request. “Mischief” definitely needs to be in it somewhere! Mischievous manipulation is his favorite game! I’d hate having to type “my Mischievous Manipulator” every time I talk about him, though. Lol!

        But that is a great name for him!

      5. Windstorm
        M&M? (mischievous and manipulating).

        The pretzel M&M has a hard shell with a salty fake chocolate centre.

      6. NarcAngel
        Pretzel MnMs? I got a bag of those by mistake once! Sounds appropriate. Both deceptive and disappointing! Hard shell works, too. So does the idea of warped and twisted like a pretzel and salty instead of sweet. Clever but just not right somehow.

        I think you have hit upon it! From now on he will be Pretzel MnM!Mischievous, manipulating, clever, deceptive, disappointing, hard, warped and salty! Thank you very much!!

      7. WS
        I was going to suggest M&M but NarcAngel beat me to it! When I hear the word mischief, I always think of the Marauder’s Map and Mischief managed from Harry Potter. The Prisoner of Azkaban was one of my favorite books from the series.

      8. Never mind Harry Potter, you should all be reading, advocating and positively reviewing Harry G Tudor books!

      9. Ha, ha! I’ve read them, but I confess I’ve never left a review. Mea culpa!

        I’m sure you have enough positive reviews by now, though. I must have read Why five times! That’s my favorite. And Fuel of course. Fuel should be required reading for everyone who comes here.

      10. HG
        Ha ha ha…I am eagerly awaiting the new Harry G Tudor books, however, I suppose I could write some positive reviews in the meantime.

      11. Windstorm, I’d choose Creep for MRN because he internet creeps all the time. Plus, the Radiohead song:

        Murderers relate to it:

        I don’t care if it hurts
        I want to have control
        I want a perfect body
        I want a perfect soul

      12. All I wanna do is….. HG Tudor @narcsite

        All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is HG Tudor @narcsite

        Enjoy the silence with HG Tudor @narcsite

        Shake the disease with HG Tudor @narcsite

        We’re flying high with HG Tudor @narcsite

        Thought you might appreciate these 😎 Depeche mode lyrics

    1. The only thing concerning about a woman’s fitted GOSO tee is that there are 2 giant O’s where the bOObs will go.

      1. Bibi

        Very good point I have a big bust and I have to be careful on certain t-shirts…it is bad enough wearing the one with the Reindeer and his antlers at Christmas..

        and the fact that this has to be done for work
        Rudolph’s eyes really bulge out.

        but enough about coworkers…😜

      2. Bibi if only – it would get a lot more questions.

        But I think it will be: G O (boob) S (boob) O – an O and an S

        Or G (boob) O S O (boob) – a G and an O 🙂

      3. Bibi
        What problem? Thats the selling point(s). What better way to get your point across?
        I kill me.

  19. By the way, I had already thought many times about having the power to go back in time preserving the knowledge already acquired. I called it the Control Z power. Wouldn’t be wonderful to have the control z command in real life? I know I’love to have it.

  20. Time travel, definitely.

    First of all, I would jump back to a Friday morning last June, and talk to the nice looking guy I met in my gym by the water fountain. I would be more presentable than I was that morning and less shy.

    Then I would go back to the time when I met my ex-husband. I think I would still have a relationship with him for a while, just to see if he is a narc or not. I would leave him after one year for sure, narc or not narc, and maybe go back to my former boyfriend who, I am sure, is not a narc, although he is probably a codependent and another mistake. But, who cares, with my time travel power, I can always make the experience and then go back.

    I definitely would erase all the narcs with whom I have had an intimate relationship.
    I would also erase my Darth Mother, but that would only take me back to being a sperm trapped in one of my alcoholic father’s testicules.
    No thanks.
    So, I would keep mommy dearest but, knowing what she is, I’d do things differently.
    I so wish I had this power!

  21. Total exposure because I’ve seen him fool people right in front of me way too many times. Makes me want to scream!!

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