To Have Not To Hold


You can have our kind but you cannot hold on to us. We will not permit it. We are the archetypal individuals who you can experience, you can love, enjoy, cherish and so many other things but the one thing you may not do is hold on to us.

We allow you to have us because what we give you is constructed and comes at no great cost to us. Instead it allows us to gain. By being generous with our supposed love, passionate with our words, highly desirable with our sexual prowess, charming, flattering and everything else which you associate with out love bombing of you, we want you to have it all. We want you to have all of our charm, our magnetism, our illusion. We want you to drown in it, become engulfed by the blazoning lights and soothing sounds, swamped by the seductive desire that we sweep across you like a tsunami. You can have it all because the more we give you, the more likely you will be carried away by this tidal wave of false love. The more sugar we pour over you, the sweeter the golden period and the greater your addiction to us becomes. Naturally,the extent of how much you can have of us is governed by our energy levels and our capacity for control, so that the experience is all the more fuller should you be ensnared by a Mid Ranger than a Lesser and many times more intense should you fall prey to a Greater.

You can have all of our time because it serves our purposes. All of our focus is yours, you get our near undivided attention as we pull out all the stops to seduce and conquer. You can have our financial resources as we spend money on you (even when we may not have the money to spend on you – incurring debt or using someone else’s resources) , take you to places, book interesting days out, tempting nights out and utilise financial muscle, whether ours or borrowed from  bank or devalued victim, in order to let you have the full on magical experience that is being seduced by us.

We will grant you access to our friends, which of course is just allowing the façade to wrap around you and convince you of our bona fides, our supportive and attractive coterie all so giving of their time to you, praising us and welcoming you.

We will allow you to have a route to all of our favourite things, although of course this is manufactured in order to actually allow you to attach to your favourite things as we mirror your likes, your desires and your hopes back at you, but it is still giving of us.

The Somatic and Elite cadres will allow you to have us physically as the weapon of mass seduction that is sex, is rolled our to delight you. You are apparently given access to our most intimate of levels, in a series of steamy and orgasmic encounters as we utilise our well-practised sexual skills in conjunction with the whole orchestrated seduction of you to create an intense and mesmerising experience.

We may move you in, a supposedly generous act as we allow you to have closeness and regular time with us, all engineered of course to maintain our façade of pleasantry and reliability as you are bound closer to us. In some instances we perhaps allow you to have what could be considered the ultimate act of ‘having’ as we give you our seed or our womb for the purposes of the creation of new life.

Yes, by allowing you to have so much of us, we create the image of someone who gives, someone who sacrifices, who thinks of you before we think of ourselves and thus you, understandably, fall for this and truly believe you have us. You do have us but it is for, in the scheme of things, a fleeting instance. A mere moment in vastness of time and for all of its wonder and brilliance, you are allowed to have us but you cannot hold us.

We cannot allow this to happen because we will turn matters around, in order to ensure that our hunger for fuel is addressed, in order to cater for our slavish devotion to the maintenance of superiority and in order to assert our right to do as we please, when we please, how we please and with whom we please.

You cannot hold us. You cannot keep us. We regard ourselves as that omnipotent force that is not beholden to boundaries, constraints and bondage. You have no say over what we do. You are not there to impose your rules on us, keep us in check or prevent us from seeking out what we need in order to maintain our existence. Indeed, the prevention of you keeping us is material in ensuring that the threat of our departure is something that keeps you working hard to please us,to provide that fuel, be it positive or negative and to allow us to keep you just where we want you. We can keep a hold of you of course, that is the nature of the narcissistic covenant, but as usual, what applies to you will not apply to us and vice versa.

We make the decisions. We choose. We execute and operate. We are not there to be bound to one person and especially one which will invariably fail us. We consider ourselves as beyond such things and therefore the notions of faithfulness, fidelity and monogamy are cast out as evicted tenants from the House of Narc.

We want you to try to hold on to us, that is part of our game playing. We want you to strive to keep us, to exert your every waking moment to clinging on to us but it can never happen. We are programmed to reject that desire to keep us as you want us to be. There is no hope for it to happen, but we will give you that false hope, through the respite periods and the periodic resumption of the golden period. You are led to believe that you have managed to keep us, that you can continue to have us and to hold us, but it will not last and it cannot last because the concept of being beholden to you and just you will ultimately run contrary to our needs and as you are well-acquainted with the idea now, our needs must always come first.

We decide when we come back, we decide when the false love is shown to you again, we decide when you get to see us, get to speak to us and receive our attention, seduction, fury or disdain. We must behave this way to shore up our idea of being the one who calls the shots, who makes the decisions and pulls the strings because we dare not contemplate for too long what would happen if we allowed you to take hold of matters.

We will always let you have us, but you will never be allowed to hold us.

38 thoughts on “To Have Not To Hold

  1. marinathemermaid3 says:

    I can see both sides of this debate, although I have to say the affection some of the empaths on this site feel for H.G. borders on creepy.

  2. marinathemermaid3 says:

    Hey butterfly. I’m right there with you. On the one hand I’m eternally grateful to H.G. for sharing all this info with us and yes,I have to admit its attractive. That just shows us empaths our own inner patterns. The fact that he is not only self aware but willing to confess all of his deeds and inner workings is a double edged sword! Finally there is a narc who is not only self aware, not only willing to admit to who and what he is, but is willing to do so on social media to actual HELP us. What a conundrum.

    1. Butterfly says:

      He still thinks he’s superior…so I’d say he’s only half self-aware. But that’s better than nothing!. 😉

    2. Viktoria says:

      Marinathemermaid: I agree with what you say but I also keep in mind that he admits that he lies. Alot of what he says rings as truth but it could also be just stories. It’s obvious that this blog is a fuel source. So just like with his “appliances” he does what is needed for the continual output of fuel. He figured out how to make a business off this source of fuel as well. Very smart.

      1. HG Tudor says:


        1. I am sure K will assist in this if need be – go back over this blog and my comments and you will find from the outset I have always consistently maintained that this is not a device for gathering fuel.
        2. Not only this, there is a clear factual and evidential platform for what I state at (1). The readers are tertiary sources therefore the fuel is the least potent. Further, comments are in writing which is the smallest amount of fuel provided. Thus, if I relied on the blog as a major means of gathering fuel, I would be in difficulties owing to (a) worst potency (b) smallest amounts provided) ; and (c) infrequently because I am not reading comments on the blog all of the time. I have always explained I receive some fuel from the blog, but it is not the purpose of this place.

        3. I have no need to lie here. I do not know any of my readers. Indeed, it is far more effective for me to be truthful here and I am not a stupid man, I do what is best for me and providing the best and truthful information in this place is far more effective for me.
        4. You only have to read the testimonials, blog comments and if I ever published them (not that I would as I treat them confidentially) the e-mails I receive you can see how people recognise the absolute truth of what I describe.

        5. I lie in my private life. I have been truthful about that.

      2. Viktoria says:

        Logically if you lie frequently, how can anything be taken as truth? There is always an agenda that only you as the Narcissist can know to be the main goal or not. You took my comment to mean that this is your main source of fuel. Of course not. Writing is the smallest form but also the best cover when conversing with an empath. Both parties can only take from the words and the perceived intentions of the words. Emotions and fuel can be imbdued in the words but never will be as potent as in person. I have read your blogs and they have helped me tremendously. You state about a clear and factual evidential platform but many blogs are stories/role plays of situations. These are helpful and I truly do enjoy the read. Basically what I meant was that most of the information seems true and is very insightful. But when someone admits to being a liar,then you would be a fool to take everything that person stated at face value.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I know when I lie, I know when I tell the truth. I am a Greater, hence I know the difference. I am highly intelligent and calculating so I do what is the best thing. The best thing for me to create a lasting legacy and to weaponise empaths is to give them the truth – so I do. The role plays e.g. Narcissist v Shelf IPSS are clearly role plays but they are worked examples of the truth, they are not lies. Some articles are based on understanding the way we or you think and draw on actual experiences and observations (not lies) to make a point.

          You are sensible not to take everything at face value and I encourage such wariness but it need not be applied in this place, use that in your private life interactions.

      3. kel says:

        In the first month of the first year of this blog, HG posted Why Am I Doing This?

        “As part of my efforts to elude those seeking to enforce their worldview on me (they laughingly call themselves doctors) I have agreed to detail and write about what I do so the world may better understand me and my kind. I’m happy to oblige. I love an audience. Moreover I am told (told-really?) I must engage with you so this is your opportunity to comment on my writings, question me, express your own views and apparently you are even allowed to challenge me (if you dare) so please talk away. I’m sure you will enjoy getting to know all about me.”

      4. Viktoria says:

        Please elaborate on what you mean by weaponizing the empaths? The only advice I’ve seen is to be knowledgeable and enforce no contact. What I am I missing? Oh and I understand that you are a greater because my Narc is one and I would have never known if not for your blog. He is always 2 steps ahead on anything that could expose him. So I ask again kindly, how do you weaponize an empath?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          By reading and applying my work.

      5. K says:

        These comments may be helpful.

        HG Tudor
        MARCH 8, 2018 AT 16:21
        I do not use the word “supply’, fuel is a more accurate description.
        Yes I gain fuel through the comments. As I have explained many times, it is low in potency (tertiary sources) and low in quantity (written word) and frequency varies dependent on time available to engage. Accordingly, my fuel needs are met in my private life. This place is not created for the garnering of fuel, but for other reasons.
        A Super Empath might decide to become some kind of “narc buster” but it is usually only directed at the narcissist they are ensnared with , because they will not sustain the super nova to use against others. Moreover, seeking out narcissists in that manner will ultimately prove counter-productive.

        HG Tudor MAY 3, 2017 AT 8:43 AM
        Truth. You’re a tertiary source. A remote stranger. Your fuel is very low grade. See Fuel. See numerous times where I’ve explained this before to people. I’m missing out on nothing whereas you are evidently missing quite a few things.

        JUNE 14, 2018 AT 18:39
        For the sake of clarity and to assist people’s understanding the fuel arising from the comment referred to is from a tertiary source (thus lowest potency) and is one off (therefore very short frequency) and is in the written word (therefore smallest amount) so it is but a dollop, but yes, fuel nonetheless. It is not needed as my fuel needs are met in my private life, something I repeatedly explain and such expression has no adverse impact on me whatsoever.

        HG Tudor
        JULY 4, 2018 AT 13:32
        No, please read my work, the rules section and the about section and that explains the situation with regard to fuel. I have explained previously why I do this – it is to create a legacy, be the number one resource for narcissism and it appeals to me to weaponise empaths. When I win if you happen to do so as well, it’s good all round.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’m obliged, K.

          1. K says:

            My pleasure HG.

      6. K says:

        The 5 rules prevent lying.

        SEPTEMBER 9, 2018 AT 13:58
        Narcissists even want you to feel sorry for them for being narcissists.

        We all have free will. Even narcissists.

        HG – is it fun being able to be open and honest about the things you do?

        HG Tudor
        SEPTEMBER 9, 2018 AT 17:13
        Do you mean being honest and open about them here on the blog? If so yes it is liberating.

        The Punisher
        NOVEMBER 4, 2016 AT 15:42
        He doesn’t need a reason. He’s a sociopath. He also mentioned he’s a pathological liar…

        HG Tudor
        NOVEMBER 4, 2016 AT 16:11
        Indeed but you have also omitted the highly pertinent application of the 5 rules which makes this a different arena from that in which I would ordinarily operate.

        JANUARY 10, 2019 AT 14:34
        They don’t want or don’t know how to differentiate between fiction and reality…
        They create a fiction and let you drown in it while they enjoy watching you agonize. So this story is nothing but pure and hard FICTION.

        HG Tudor
        JANUARY 10, 2019 AT 14:38
        Not here he is not.

      7. kel says:

        Nice K, I don’t know how you do it with your archives and finding the right references at the right time. As always, you’re amazing!

        1. K says:

          Thank you kel
          The magic is in the fingers (I just Google them).

      8. kel says:

        K, oh Google! Don’t give away your magic tricks, I enjoy it when you do your magic!

        1. K says:

          Ha ha ha…ok, let’s pretend I didn’t write that comment (gas lighting) so I can appear to be omnipotent like the great and powerful Wizard of Oz.

  3. Viktoria says:

    What happens when the super empath finds the online source of fuel that the Narc didn’t cover up as well as he thought for it to be anonymous? Not this one of course. What happens when the super empath threatens this and has gotten small concessions for it? Of course, per the Narc, the super empath is “delusional” and wrong about it. He just went along quickly with what was demanded because he was “trying’ to resolve the relationship. That’s why the Narc didn’t argue or state that the super empath was sticking to a narrative to fit her delusions until a few weeks after the secret was let out and the demands met… Even though it has made things smoother and a way to escape quicker than the other victims…. There have been many Hoover’s and the only contact is via email where the super empath controls when and if contact is made. Will the Narc give up if no contact is finally implemented? Or will the embarassment of a supposed lesser winning and choosing when to end the relationship be punished sometime in the future?

    1. Viktoria says:

      The secret has not been actually reveled. I meant it was a couple weeks later before the super empath was delusional.

      1. foolme1time says:

        Viktotia, your situation is one that HG can help you with! Do a consult with him! He is the best! It is money well spent! He can answer all of your questions. 🌷

    2. K says:

      The narcissistic relationship is forever and there is always the risk of being hoovered even after no contact has been established. You may find this article very helpful.

      1. Viktoria says:

        Fool me time: i do understand this to a certain degree. I was free and in another relationship until linked in “accidentally” kept sending me invites… Which started me cussing him out via email and then talking and then i lived with him for 9 months until I dug and found out all the ways he talked about me to random people all over the web. Then the cycle of breaking up and coming back together for months. Until I noticed a NPD survivor page he liked on his Facebook because I knew i was missing what he was. I researched PTSD and other disorders. Nothing fit right with him until I looked up NPD and found this blog. My whole story is in these blogs by HG .What I thought was special was nothing more than what I needed to hear to be what he wanted. I was never enough. He even has recordings of women crying and asking why do you always lie. The blog about the statues made me realize a lot of things. But knowledge only changes my choices not my heart. Anger is the only thing that has given me strength to fight back. He underestimates how I recognize the patterns now. He changed to fit another woman but won’t admit it. He never admits anything and he is justified in everything he does in his perspective. But I have gotten stronger and wiser since meeting him almost 4 years ago. Maybe I just needed to vent it to people who would believe me and understand…. That’s the hardest part is people acting like I’m over reacting. And that if he emotionally abused me for real than I would’ve left sooner. Many people view me as strong and can’t fathom anyone controlling me. I get better every day….

        1. foolme1time says:

          Viktoria I understand the part of people thinking we are over dramatic or if this was really happening you would of left by now. To everyone that knows me they think I am this strong women that will take nothing from anyone! I am the one that fixes everything and takes care of everyone. But when it comes to relationships and narcs I fall apart! My emotions take over and I am truly a hot mess! Controlling them in this type of situation is almost impossible for me. In any other situation I am the one that uses logic and thinks things through as I’m acting on the situation! Recently I have felt my heart harden and become uncaring! I don’t like it but I do not know of another way to keep this from happening time and time again! There is not much left of me or my heart for them to keep destroying! So I understand the anger I really do. Perhaps for you the knowledge from HG and the anger is what you need to get through this! It’s all about you and what you have to do to get through it! Come here to vent anytime you wish to. Please consider a private consult with HG. He has helped so many on here to heal and move on. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you FM1T.

          2. foolme1time says:

            You are very welcome HG! There is know one that can do what you do!

        2. shesaw says:

          Victoria, that seems like the common heart vs head battle, what you describe: ‘Knowledge changes my choices not my heart’. Honestly, don’t think it works like that. I believe that knowledge changes your choices and your heart/feelings will follow. Knowledge+choices come first, heart is a slower learner. Your heart learns from the consequences of your choices.

          1. shesaw says:

            …which means you are definitely working on feeling better, only the pay-off is later than you wish. But from personal experience, I can tell you it will come!

  4. collettehd says:

    Yep – emotionally abusive , very hurtful – going through this now and I feel paralysed .. Why after 16 years am I just seeing this to this extent and We’ve just had another baby .. he seriously gets some sort of kick questioning every sentence said in conversation that we don’t speak I just get questioned. He rejects me emotionally and physically lately yet is parading about posing around the house as if to say look at me – but when I question his behaviour he say what ? And acts all surprised smirking and shouting 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ Trying to take a step back and work out what’s going to happen next ???? Any advice , anyone ?? I’m So isolated the only people I can talk to are Samaritans – everyone else has listened to the smearing hell I even act weird now no one wants to be my friend

    1. Presque Vu says:

      Hi Collette, welcome to the forum.
      I suggest you consult with HG if you can, the sooner the better.

      You have small children, they need as much protection as you do.
      You now have us to talk to.

      If you realize after consulting with HG you need to get out, there are women’s refuges in most cities. This is where you find your inner strength now, for your children. It’s in you, you are here for a reason and you will get the help you need. You are not alone.

    2. marinathemermaid3 says:

      You are not alone. There are many here who believe you and empathize. It’s a shame that you’ve just had a baby with him. Seriously complicates things. My heart goes out to you.

    3. K says:

      Your emotions are fueling him so do your best to ignore him when he provokes you. Do not question him (he is not accountable to you), do not expect anything from him: support, kindness, love or help. Ignore the smearing and be VERY careful who you talk to; don’t trust anyone right now, including family.

      Keep reading and posting here. Start with these articles.

    4. foolme1time says:

      Collett I realize with a baby it might be hard to get a lot of reading done. Please try to find time to read the articles k has suggested for you. Please if you can, consult with HG! He can help you. Someone is usually always on the blog. We are all here to help you any way that we can! Your not alone in this. This is a safe spot for many of us! You can do this!

  5. Kathleen says:

    Doesn’t the narcissist notice the patterns that repeat in their entanglements?
    Like I’m know for certain my ex narc has heard the same things said to her from me and the ex-and likely also heard or was held to account for them in the workplace/by family too:
    A) “you seem to want to blame everyone else for your problems”
    B) “I don’t feel you put me first in the relationship- like you’re often looking for others to engage with”
    C) “if you didn’t lie, you wouldn’t worry or be so upset about what everyone is saying about you “
    D) “you seem to disappear, why didn’t you return my call”
    E) ‘’ I don’t feel I can count on you for …’’
    I mean is there really no retrospective viewpoint??
    I mean-i know about a lot of her work problems- for decades-how can one entirely overlook that and keep a chin up? It’s quite saddening to me really. Like wow.
    Do you notice women saying the same stuff to you? And doesn’t that …make one wonder why-
    Neil young has a song i think of for myself occasionally- “ why do I keep F&:king up”.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Lesser and Mid-Range do not because their narcissism prevents them from seeing it.

      1. Butterfly says:

        And what about the Greater? What about you? If you are so intelligent …you should be aware. I must admit I’m attracted to you not “besides” you being a Narc. but “because” you are a Narc. I’m attracted to you from a philosophical point of view, that’s what turns me on

    2. Viktoria says:

      I can tell you from my Narc that he knew his pattern. He discarded me the same way twice at one point but the second time backfired because I didn’t care. I reminded him that he did the same scenario before and that I wasn’t upset because I knew what would happen. He grew coldly quiet like he always does when I call him out on his Narcissist habits. He went back to love bombing within 2 days. I’ve learned from this blog and my Narc that the Narc feels so superior to us that we should be grateful for them to even want us in their life at all…🙄

      1. Butterfly says:

        Yes…poor “guys” if they could just imagine what we feel for them when we are being compassive….

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