Skjoldmø – The Shieldmaiden


You know of The Shieldmaiden 

Shortly you shall have the chance to learn more about her and my dynamic with her

In readiness for this, here is your opportunity to ask in the comments section all the questions you wish for my consideration in preparation to then answer you with the forthcoming article about The Shieldmaiden


768 thoughts on “Skjoldmø – The Shieldmaiden

  1. Kim e says:

    Hope, You wrote
    “Affected or not he’s going to do what he’s going to do regardless what anyone thinks or says. We either get to witness it or not, we don’t get to dictate what occurs. Since whatever happens is going to happen regardless— I’d rather see, so I can learn from it. Rather it be her than all of us and our narcs we think we can fix because she made it work. She’s going to be hurt, or not, no matter what—but we can learn—or not—depending on what’s filtered or shared. You can’t stop it or control it but you can be given an opportunity to observe and learn. He hurts her (or not) no matter what is shared with us. But if shared, her (1 person) story could potentially aid (18 million hits) much more people. He doesn’t know what will happen (or maybe he does), she doesn’t know what will happen, we don’t know what will happen, but everyone can learn if we get to see it unfold. Only this way, none of us are in the fire. We can watch how it burns and maybe learn from the vicarious experience. Wouldn’t you rather learn than just be blind and it continues on whether you see it or not? Whether you learn or not? Whether anyone benefits or not?”

    I think we can all learn from each other and that we all benefit each other. You sound very hurt and I am not really sure what your story is or how recent heartbreak has been. I am sorry if my comment rubbed you the wrong way.
    I do agree with the scenerio that SM will be devauled at some point. HG is a N and will always be a N. I am curious as to wether the therapy has altered anything about the devaluation triggers. HG has stated (I bleive) that the GP with SM is about the same as usual for him. I do not think (could be wrong) that HG will filter the devaluation. He is about teaching and what a better way.

    1. Hope says:

      Kim you are kind. I’m just irritated in general with people making exceptions for this relationship.

      On one end of the spectrum people are saying, “Ohh, I hope it works out”—It doesn’t matter if the devaluation doesn’t occur, it’s still not real. It can’t “work out”. It’s impossible.

      On the other end people are saying, “this is so wrong you shouldn’t put her out there”—as of what we think matters. As if we are co-conspirators. As if hiding it or filtering it makes it better.

      I’m just saying there’s nothing we can do so why try to get him to hide it from this educational forum? It doesn’t make it any better for her. On an alternative theory, she wouldn’t feel isolated—as if no one understood—if she discovered this place after the fact. She won’t blame us, we don’t control him or influence him or his decisions in any way. Maybe I’m trying to justify my own ethics by considering it as if we are medical students watching doctors perform surgery. We can’t control anything but hiding it from view doesn’t change anything.

      I apologize if you felt attacked. I’m just very skeptical in general. I don’t think it’s related to any one relationship or my current feelings about any of them. Its more a collective of experience and education (mostly from here). When I see all these polar opposite opinions being shared on narcs in general vs this specific scenario it’s incredulous. How can the same people hold two opposing beliefs?

      1. Violetta says:

        We want there to be justice. When HG goes after an insufferable office bitch, we all cheer. (C’mon, admit it: we’ve all met Gillians and we all hate them.) Don’t know the 411 on Lesley, but I gather she fucked over HG’s brother, and HG has his own kind of of loyalty, unrelated to love.

        Lesley was probably at least partially protected by the fact that HG very likely destested her too thoroughly to provide much of a Golden Period. He ensnared her just long enough to exact his revenge.

        So the more admirable the woman is, the more deeply she will be connected–and the detachment will hurt all the more.

        1. Hope says:

          Hello Violetta,
          Paragraph 1: agreed.
          Paragraph 2: interesting, I wasn’t aware.
          Paragraph 3: I don’t understand what point you are trying to make here?
          Thank you.

          1. Violetta says:

            If she’s awful, HG crushes her and forgets about her, i.e., Gillian.

            If she’s wonderful, HG crafts a deep and long-standing bond between them both. When he finally wrenches himself away, she’ll be left with an open psychic wound, possibly with a partial amputation.

            Only the ones capable of deep attachments get the deep trauma.

            In essence, the stinkers get the lighter punishment.

          2. Hope says:

            Violetta —you lost me at “bond” and “between them both” both being the key word and “wrenching himself away” himself being pertinent.

            I agree she attaches to him but he is a cold, smooth metal surface. She’s just a gripping frog. Or gecko.🦎🐸. This is how I understand it. He doesn’t get attached. He finds people useful. This changes nothing about her feelings. I agree with everything you said about her. She doesn’t know he’s a hardened surface incapable of penetration. But him? He doesn’t even get emotional attached to objects as we do, much less humans. She is attracted to him but he’s not attached to her. There is no bond you speak of. This is how I understand it, anyway. This is what I’ve learned. Here.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            You are essentially correct.

            Not a frog, not a gecko, but I understand what you are trying to convey.

  2. kel says:

    I agree Kim e, it’s about breaking an addiction. You don’t love them anymore by the time you leave, it’s not breaking your heart. Being a super empath is going to help soften the blows during the relationship, but it wouldn’t make any difference afterwards. All victims: empath, normal, maybe even other narcissists, have to get over the addiction and constantly thinking about them, and learn to live without them.

    I think any empath is stronger than any narcissist, because a narcissist could never take the devaluation that we do.

    What would make it easier possibly for SM is that she’s got a seven-digit job to handle and preoccupy her, and the cash to get out of town to freshen her mind. You kind of assume she would have loads of wealthy friends and family to fall back on, but of course, narcs always isolate us away from them early on.

    1. Kim e says:

      I wonder if HG isolates her as much as dare I say “regular” narcs. Being an ultra he may not. He says he allows her to go out with friends and I am betting doesn’t give her a hard time about it.
      What say you HG?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Allow her to go out? She chooses what she does and where she goes. I am not some basic Lesser you know. My influence is far more sophisticated.

        1. Kim e says:

          HG. My point exactly. Not quite certain we can attribute a lot of your teachings regarding all the other schools/cadres of narcs to your behavior.
          Besides the Knowing HG series do you plan on an article regarding ultras?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            When I release “The World of the Narcissist” you will see the world of the Ultra : mine – through my eyes.

          2. Kim e says:

            HG. Starting my boxed wine supply now. I can’t wait

        2. MB says:

          “Far more sophisticated” Like tracking devices and hidden cameras 😳

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Who? Me?

          2. MB says:

            Of course you wouldn’t track and watch after your most valuable asset. What was I thinking?!?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Far easier to buy them a decent car which has an app that comes with it which shows you where the car is now and where the car has been.

          4. MB says:

            It’s very generous of you to buy her a new car, HG.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I am generous, look at what I give all of you.

          6. MB says:

            It’s true. Your largesse is appreciated. The knowledge provided here is invaluable. The humor and entertainment are a bonus gift.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            I know you very much appreciate it all, MB.

          8. Lorelei says:

            I’ll second MB. I’m writing in preparation for my dissertation and it’s a long road of course, but HG.. Tons of great information on abuse screening tools which is my focus, but no one illustrates the sum of the issue better. I’ll send the damn paper to you when it’s ready for publication. It won’t match any element of what you provide here.

          9. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Lorelei, I look forward to reading it.

          10. Lorelei says:

            I want a sporty sedan—it’s ok if it has an app to track me! MB wants one too. I’m boring so I don’t care who tracks me.

          11. MB says:

            I’ve already picked mine Lorelei. Either a BMW X6 M50i or a Mercedes AMG GLE 63 S Coupe. Black rims are a must on either model.

          12. Lorelei says:

            I just need to quit running into boulders and get my car back! HG needs the old van I’ve been driving for all the children they are having soon!

          13. MB says:

            Lorelei, that’s a negative on the children. Give it up! Not happening!

          14. MB says:

            True story. My sister is married to a narc. He tracks her using her phone. She knows this. It’s for her own “protection”. She says it’s better than him sending so many texts and calling her all the time when she’s out so she likes this way better. It’s creepy! There are so many examples, one is we pulled into the drive thru on the way home after an afternoon out to pick up food for MY child. He called her and asked her to bring him something! Another time, he called her to say she really shouldn’t be driving in that part of town. You can fuck that shit sky high! I think his reasoning is just as much about knowing where she is so he can do what Narcs do without getting caught. But his paranoia is off the charts when it comes to her and his children. (Yeah, he tracks them too.) One is moves out and married! If I was his kid, I think I’d look into moving to Dubai.

          15. Violetta says:

            Wait, I thought you were getting the next car, and if she complains about it, no Movie Night and no lubbilubbing.

          16. MB says:

            Wrong appliance Violetta. So many women. His life is a bowl of cherries!

          17. Dorion says:

            Well, if they accept a car or electronics from a partner… I personally would never. They can buy me coffee and if manage to hide a tracking device in that, I will actually forgive the intrusion in admiration of technology.

            What do narcs do with the tracking info actually in a personal relationship? I would not give a an eff to their knowing where I go and if they brought it up accusing, I would say go take a hike. And if they insisted on arguing with it, I would throw them out and never look back. The only exception I could imagine being more troublesome is if I engaged in some sort of illegal operations and they found out that way, used the info in a blackmail kind of fashion… But simply arguing about my personal whereabouts and activities? No, plain and simple.

          18. MB says:

            Dorian, they don’t have to gift the car or electronics to you. Anybody can install a tracker on the vehicle you already have. There is also key logging software that can be installed on your phone remotely as well as sophisticated software that can be installed in your computer. If they want to know what you’re up to, there is technology to support their aims. It’s quite interesting to read in HG’s book ‘Escape’ where he details the steps you need to take sweep and remove software and devices when planning your departure. A new phone with a new number is a must.

            Fun fact: in the book ‘Sex’ (correct me if I’m wrong, HG) he writes about his practice of installing hidden cameras in his home and God only knows where else. How do you think they get the sex videos? All is fair in love and war and there is no difference between the two when dealing with a narcissist!

          19. SMH says:

            MB, I WISH I had installed a hidden camera or at least recorded on my phone! Now THAT would have been great for blackmail. As it is, I only have a few dick pics and one screen shot from a dating site.

          20. Renarde says:


            I’m shocked at that. Your poor sister! Not only that she is being tracked but she knows and doesnt see it as coercive behaviour. That’s the trauma bond, right there!

            It’s very possible I have been tracked. I certain bloody looked for it! Round the exhaust. But I’m lead to believe the battery only lasts a couple of days. A kind elderly neighbour assumed I was having car trouble and offered to help.

            I certainly looked dignified on my hands and knees, crawling on the ground muttering, ‘Where are you, you littlle fucker?!’

            I like my time being on my hands and knees in pursaint of more satisfying and pleasurable activities!

          21. Dorion says:

            In a creepy way, it is incredible what narcs have the time and energy to do in order to maintain their control. I think everyone else would likely lose interest in this quickly even if their morals didn’t stop them from doing it in the first place.

          22. HG Tudor says:

            And yet I find it fascinating (although I understand it) why people repeatedly try and change the outcome with someone who cannot be changed, continue to engage with someone knowing that no good can come of it and fail to apply cold, hard logic.

          23. mommypino says:

            But HG a lot of us didn’t even know that those people cannot be changed and that no good can come out of it. Once I found your site and learned that their behaviors are strongly indicative of having no conscience, remorse and empathy, it wasn’t hard for me to disappear from their lives. For most of us, the reason we kept engaging is because we thought that we could change the outcome and we just haven’t figured out the way to do it. That’s why more people need to read your work.

          24. HG Tudor says:

            And precisely why nearly all narcissists operate in the way they do, they do not know and cannot know any different.

          25. MB says:

            Ouch! “And yet I find it fascinating (although I understand it) why people repeatedly try and change the outcome with someone who cannot be changed, continue to engage with someone knowing that no good can come of it and fail to apply cold, hard logic.”

          26. SMH says:

            For many of us, HG, it’s because we did not know. Once I knew, I flew. Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. Things don’t trigger me anymore, I don’t internet sleuth, etc. But that is not the end of it. I still need to learn to trust myself and to recognize the signs so I do not get trapped again. It’s a jungle out there and I don’t want to end up in another lion’s mouth.

          27. Dorion says:

            In addition to the clear, logical and to-the-point materials you provide HG, I’m guessing some might need remodeling of their biological makeup as well. Much like for narcissist to develop, there may be a genetic (or whatever biological) predisposition. Or other forms of addiction. That is super hard to overcome with rationality and even repeated negative experiences alone. Unfortunately, technology is not advanced enough yet to provide that sort of adjustment, not even knowing what the actual predisposition is. And the effects of that early environmental conditioning can be just as stubborn. If only logic alone could cure all the ailments in the world… Then narcissism would probably be cured as well. Of course it is a very important tool to help overcome some predispositions.

        3. kel says:

          I’m sure his influence over her friends and family is sophisticated too, and they probably adore him, and could never believe anything bad about him.

        4. Lorelei says:

          You are not a caveman HG? “Get over here little woman!!”

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Oddly enough, no, I am not.

          2. Lorelei says:

            Good to hear HG. I would hate to think of you snarling with a dentally disadvantaged grimace.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            All good with the pearly whites thank you, I have a fantastic dentist.

          4. Lorelei says:

            Good to hear HG. My teeth hurt from the rigorous whitening when the wind hits. I sit in an array of buttercream and grey as the fire flames surround me..

          5. Lorelei says:

            HG—I keep reflecting on a friend’s “silent treatment” when I was talking to others the other day.. Like it’s part of they can’t know—will never know.. What it is doing though is shifting my thinking about even further engaging despite a long history. The behavior is so elementary, so unappealing.. She could have pissed her pants and it would have been same level disgust for me.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            You are applying logic.

          7. Lorelei says:

            Yes, it literally makes me sick. The behavior has created such an aversion. I would rather be spat on by a lower lesser than observe a reasonably intelligent person be so impaired in their deportment.

    2. Lorelei says:

      All I know for sure is that any future devaluation of me by a partner will result in challenge fuel—the kind that shoves a stiff foot up their ass and leaves a wound when they can’t take a shit for the duration of their miserable life. I hope that is super clear. Super duper clear. I’m actively trying to condition my mind to be disgusted by their elementary behaviors.
      HG was recently exceedingly clear—these relationships are like picking out a suit tie. Period—that’s what it is. Let there be no illusion that anyone is ever truly going to be more than fuel, fulfillment of prime aims, etc. Any relationship HG is replaceable on his terms. He’s repeatedly said he is incapable of love. I don’t think he’s telling stories.

      1. kel says:

        Well a shit kick would at least keep your pillows clean! I think a narcs lifelong partner and children have to make concessions and learn what triggers them and how to calm them when it happens. It can work with greater’s because they have more control over their anger, but their partners would still have to overlook a lot. Thankfully we don’t ever have to settle for that kind of life again!

      2. Hope says:

        Lol. I like your perspective! Thank you for sharing!

        1. Julie Petkovska says:

          Hope you are correct it’s impossible, you cannot be in a relationship based on control and manipulation period.
          Life on this earth is short be single be healthy and chose wisely : )
          Residual benefits are not worth your own autonomy and freedom.

        2. Lorelei says:

          Thanks Hope. It’s because I have the cognitive appraisal ability now to recognize sub-par behaviors. Cognitive appraisal capacity went out the window for me when with my ex, and my ability to even evaluate was obscured by a lack of awareness re, what abuse involved.

      3. K says:

        Here is the link to the feb 4th Q & A.

        1. Lorelei says:

          Thanks K!

          1. K says:

            My pleasure Lorelei!

  3. Emma says:

    Okay, I’ll take the bait and join in the speculations about SM.

    Sooo… if this lady has genuine feelings and she is led to believe that the love she feels is mutual, led to believe that she is being loved back, that is deception right?

    What happens when she finds out about that deception? We know that, sooner or later, that mirror with the perfect image is going to shatter and reveal what is hidden behind the mask: cold, calculated machinations to suck dry her heart and soul. Imagine the devastation when you discover that you have been conned to open your heart and to empty your pure love and affection into a bottomless void?
    Oh wait, no need to stretch the imagination, we all know firsthand the devastation that comes from having your trust shattered by a con artist who doesn`t know how to love.

    Sorry HG, you may be infatuated with this lady and feel elated by the success of your seduction, but the bottom line is: you do not love her. I realize I may already be trespassing your rules in saying this to you but whatever your needs are, do the decent thing and do not con this lady into thinking you reciprocate her love. Most narcissist cannot choose their behavior but as a self aware narc you can. Noblesse oblige.

  4. strongerwendyme says:

    Hmmm. And depends on which definition of bendy wendy you use. Looks like there are several 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Ha ha.

  5. Jules says:

    HG has revealed that his girlfriend The Shieldmaiden is a Magnet Empath… and also tall, blonde, thin, has her own money, etc etc. I wonder, could it be Sofie Quidenus-Wahlforss? She really is accomplished and seems to fit in so many respects. If it’s not her, she would certainly make a great target!!

    Now I know why Tinkerbell hates Wendy so much! 😂💜 #fangirl #adoration #jealous

    1. Desirée says:

      Hey Jules,
      I agree Sofie Quidenus-Wahlforss is really awesome and could very well by a Magnet SE. But she is Austrian whereas the SM is Norwegian and her Name apparently starts with L

      1. Jules says:

        Ahh… very cool. The mystery continues. 🙂

    2. strongerwendyme says:

      One should never hate a Wendy. We can’t help it if we are amazing 😉

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Ha ha but are you a Bendy Wendy?

        1. strongerwendyme says:


          1. HG Tudor says:

            I ask myself, is it a sin, to be flexible, when the boat comes in?

          2. strongerwendyme says:

            Open the window and out go ideals

          3. HG Tudor says:

            HG approves.

      2. Caroline R says:

        Hi Wendy, I’m assuming that the gravatar is a photo of you, and wanted to say that you look lovely. Your hair looks great.

        1. strongerwendyme says:

          Thank you Caroline

          1. Caroline R says:

            You’re welcome! A good hair day is a pleasure that deserves to be shared.

  6. Die Proven says:

    When can we expect the long awaited article about your new ‘dynamic’ with the woman unfortunate enough to put her trust in you; Shield Maiden? I assume it will be as a script to accompany the side show that is your instagram account (which I do not follow, by the way). A fishbowl view into a Greater Elite Narcissistic ‘golden period’. A depiction of an unwitting participant and an unsuspecting victim. Do you share your relationship so your followers can watch it fail, or watch it succeed? Do you think Shield Maiden will be troubled when she learns about her surreptitious involvement? Or is she aware of who and what you are, and of your instagram account? It is my opinion that she will be troubled; and that involving her unknowingly is morally wrong. Would you say that my opinions are ill founded, or well founded?

  7. cb says:

    I understand it wouldn’t be educational for us to learn about a relationship where you would fall for a girl not so rich and not so young,

    but you like her so much that you adjust and adopt her lifestyle because she’s worth it and is interesting. You would accept much less convenient days for the rest of your life.

    Such instagram pictures would give readers false hope “I Can convert a narcissist into someone less shallow”

    1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

      db: Remember some Narcissistic men are outrageously jealous and do not want a woman that attracts attention. Others want a woman that is like a mother, and looks a little matronly, and takes care of them. Still some others want the woman to be a stunner of all stunners, and then will drop her as soon as a more stunning one comes along. Some want women with wealth, while others want women that are dependant on them completely. An elite will want the highest qualities of intelligence and beauty and class traits and residual benefits when possible, and still will dabble with sources without those qualities when he has to. For fuel. But, all those character traits and class traits and residual benefits mean nothing to the Narcissist if his fuel needs plummet Someone will be always be providing fuel based on the school and cadre of the Narcissist. And if the Narcissism decides the source no longer is providing the necessary fuel, the source is going to be devalued, no matter how perfectly others view the source. The Narcissism selects the source for the fuel the Narcissist needs. Whether or not an outside viewer understands, is envious, is incredulous, is puzzled, is curious, is happy, or is sad about it. The Narcissism does not care how outsiders view the entanglement as long as the outsiders can not stop the fuel nor harm the image of the Narcissist, if image is important for that particular Narcissist. We have not seen every source that HG has entangled with, but I would not be surprised at all to see some interesting surprises.

  8. Fay says:

    What makes her a Shield Maiden? Is it through no reaction to Silent Treatments, Triangulation or Gaslighting?

    1. Desirée says:

      She has not yet received such treatment because she is still in the Golden Period. As for why HG gave her that nickname, I think his exact word where “because she’s strong, beautiful and takes no shit.” also because she’s scandinavian.

  9. Kiki says:

    Dear Hg
    I do appreciate you replying
    It was a silly thing maybe I’m hormonal and hyper sensitive right now
    Don’t get me wrong I adore your blog and read excerpts from your books daily
    I’m finding GOSO difficult right now and I notice I’m picking up things in a very sensitive manner that of course is not your problem

    Ok it was a silly comment about foot size I’m embarrassed admitting this but it did sting

    On instagram I commented I could tell SM was tall due to her feet ,the taller a person the longer the foot for balance
    That was not meant to be derogatory at all it’s just fact
    I dance ballet and feet are something I notice in everyone it’s engrained.
    Anyway you commented good observation
    I mentioned something similar here and you said she actually has very small feet for her height
    If so I would not have observed she is tall
    It was the way I picked it up I suppose or the tone I picked up incorrectly, it sounded sharp . I felt maybe you thought I I was being insulting towards SM and I really wasn’t

    Anyway yes it’s silly I’m too sensitive but I just wanted to get it out

    Thank you Hg


    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome to articulate yourself Kiki and I know you are a sensible reader.

      My comment on IG complimented your observation that she was tall. It did not compliment the observation re length of foot, although I can understand how you would have taken it to cover both observations. I did not regard it as derogatory.
      I did state she has very small feet for her height, she has. It was not stated sharp, it was succinct. Keep in mind I have many calls on my attention, so I aim to be succinct where I can (so I can address more of people’s queries etc) and if that means I come across as sharp in the mind of the reader, from time to time, so be it.

      1. Kiki says:

        Thank you HG I know I was too sensitive I apologise for being a twat about something so small and stupid
        It is prob the way I perceived it at the time
        I really appreciate you responding and I do know that misunderstandings occur , it was my misunderstanding not yours

        Thank you again I do love this blog and was worried I had insulted SM in your eyes and that bothered me because I really like the blog etc I know you are super busy with the blog and I just over reacted

        Thank you again HG

        Kiki 😊

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not an issue.

          1. Caroline R says:

            You handled that nicely.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you.

          3. T’mara says:

            You have been patient and gracious to me, too,
            despite all of my inappropriate past behavior.

            How can I not adore you?

            You have been kinder to me than my so-called “friends”,
            though I have treated you rather brutal, and harsh.

            How can I not admire you?

            I mean, God & Jesus come first, and then my family… but, then you! This might enrage you. Or, perhaps I’m not important enough for it to infuriate you. But, in my life, this means a LOT that I think that much of you.

            See, NO ONE can come before God & Jesus. NO ONE, nor my blessed family!

        2. Caroline R says:

          Kiki sweetie,
          If we lived in the same hemisphere, we’d all be going out for a drink/coffee/cake/curry…whatever would be enjoyable and cheer you up.

          I can see that you’re struggling a bit this week.
          Some of HG’s articles about mid-rangers have made me want to cry today, as certain memories came up.

          Don’t look at HG’s IG if you’re finding it’s upsetting you.
          That’s ok.

          I need more comedy in my life at the moment, and I’ve recently discovered “This Country”(young people in rural UK) and Irish comedy “The Young Offenders”. The first has more
          N-characters in it than the second.
          They’re both social satire.

          Have you seen them?

          I also discovered “Odd Mom Out” this week, which is hilarious, and blends NY Jewish comedy with N-shenanigans….

          As one shallow, self-absorbed woman says: (referencing the tree falling in the forest and no one being there to hear)
          “If a model owns a bag, but doesn’t take a photo of it and post it on Instagram, does it really exist?”….

          Can you go for a long walk?
          Have a bubble bath?
          Pat some cute furry creatures?
          Have some sleep?

          I hope that you feel better soon.

          Caroline R (Australia)

          1. Kiki says:

            Awwh thank you Caroline
            Yes that would be great a team of empaths going for coffee 😊
            Yes you are right , I feel a bit silly , my ET always sky rockets when I’m hormonal.Damn female hormones.

            I do enjoy the Instagram videos though I keep thinking we might get a peek at HG hahaa and hearing him talk

            Don’t that was him rummaging under the table in one vid he was taking the video

            Thank you You are a Sweetheart ❤️


          2. NarcAngel says:

            Is that graceful swan in your gravatar you?

          3. Caroline R says:

            Well spotted.
            There IS a beautiful ballerina in that tiny picture.

            Kiki, is that you in the photo?
            I love dance too, but I didn’t do ballet.
            How long did you study dance for?

          4. Caroline R says:

            I’ve been watching ‘Schitts Creek’ recently.
            It’s hilarious.

            David and Alexis are fighting over who gets what bed in the motel room:
            Alexis: “no, YOU take the bed closest to the door…. YOU get murdered for a change”


      2. T’mara says:

        I have small feet, but I am petite. I took ballet, and loved it. I am proportionate. Because I am petite, I can easily hide and cannot be found, not even by Sociopaths.

        I also am able to quietly sneak up on people, which I don’t intend to do; it just happens, and it startles them because I am so quiet. People can also pick me up easily, and swing me around.

        Now, enough about me, what about you? (Just kidding… I know you are a mystery for the most part).

  10. Believer says:

    Does she have a favorite shampoo and conditioner? Does she wear sunscreen, and if so, what SPF is it?

  11. Believer says:

    Perhaps she will learn all about who you, HG Tudor, really are, and you two will both write articles and answer commenters. Or, she will open up her own blog, called: Knowing The Narcissist’s Wife. Sam Vaknin is said to have a wife. I am not sure how that works, though. His relationship with his wife would make it almost seem like such a connection could actually work. So, it’s really confusing.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is not confusing. It does not work.

      1. Believer says:

        Thank you, HG. I appreciate this answer because it helps me to get it out of my system that “it could possibly work”.

        I do not understand the dynamics between Vaknin and his wife, but I believe your answer when you say “it does not work”.

        This helps me to move on. So, I am grateful for your response.

    2. MB says:

      I used to follow SV on IG. It was apparent several months ago from his posts that his wife had cheated on him (his words) and they were not together. I stopped following him when I realized he was removing all comments but the ones that were positive about him. I even commented about the disappearing comments. (He removed my comment.). I suspect he has some other comorbid stuff going on in addition to his narcissism. At the very least, he has zero charm. I gave him a chance. I thought I could learn something from him. He mocked me in one comment and then removed another. Yes, I learned something. He’s an asshole. I’m done with SV. HG is the only narc for me. He is knowledgeable as well as charming, gracious, and polite.

      1. Believer says:

        Thank you, MB. I did not know this about Vaknin, nor his wife. At one time, I was thinking of ordering Vaknin’s book, but now I will not do so if he is going to be rude.

        1. MB says:

          Believer, please don’t base any decision you make based off my opinion. Research it for yourself. His work is very different from HGs though. Much more clinical.

          1. Believer says:


            It’s okay. I’ll just stick with HG. He is more than enough Narcissist for me.

  12. Kiki says:

    Ok I’ve said enough on this now
    I no longer believe in the fairytale and hope I refuse to entertain it as it is EL that’s all


  13. Kiki says:

    Ok all does this make me wrong a narcissist or odd
    I’m being very honest but I couldn’t give a hoot about SM as I have zero connection with her in any way At the moment all I see is a blonde woman having a great time jetting around the world I simply can’t feel anything
    No I’m not envious ok maybe a smidge but I just don’t feel sorry for her at all
    At this very moment there are millions of women in horrific abusive relationships I can empathise there but I simply can’t with
    There is nothing to empathise with right now unless having a great is


    1. Kiki says:

      I know my above comment sounds awful maybe I am a bit jealous who wouldn’t be , SM is getting to see such beautiful places ,fine dining etc I can’t see any narc carry on I know it’s the golden period but I keep looking at the pics and it makes me a bit depressed when I compare my own love life which is dismal right now 😞
      I think I’ll have to stop



      1. nunya biz says:

        Kiki, I didn’t think it sounded awful, when I read posted comments I often think it is ONE part of what a person is feeling in that moment. It isn’t the totality, which is more hued and shaded and subject to other dynamics. You are allowed to feel 1000 different things or change them into different feelings in ten minutes or feel selfish sometimes! Time for some Kiki love probably, I have to integrate those things into my life right now myself : )

      2. NarcAngel says:

        This is not directed at you specifically Kiki, I’ve just been thinking about it and it follows your comment. I see many people (here and on I.G) making mention of SM seeing beautiful places, enjoying fine dining, receiving gifts, and it seems that they are assuming that this is all only possible because she is with HG. From his description of her, she is a beautiful and accomplished woman with over a six figure income herself and no Eliza Doolittle. I assume she has enjoyed these things previously and will continue to do so if things were not to work out. That she enjoys them in the company of HG makes it different of course, and yes we all love a gift, but I’m sure she would enjoy nice things regardless her involvement with HG or anyone else. Yes, if things didn’t work out she will be hurt as would anyone, but let’s remember that she is a Super Empath so she has higher narc traits, she is not dependant on anyone for money, and she has no children (at least currently). Just those three things would put her in a better situation than most and see her through. I don’t see her pining away for long or throwing herself off a bridge like I imagine some are thinking. That may be a case of us projecting our ordinary lives onto her and not a realistic portrait of who she really is at all.

        1. MB says:

          NA, as always, the voice of reason. You are correct. Narcs aren’t the only ones that can project. I needed to hear your logic. My ET has been high on this subject today for no good reason at all!

          1. alexissmith2016 says:

            Ah MB! I do hope that through this site you learn to love yourself exactly as you are. You seem like a truly wonderful person and should never doubt that.

            I do feel fortunate that it comes pretty naturally for me to not compare myself to others. I do of course recognise there are those who are wealthier, more attractive and the rest. No matter who you are (unless you’re HG) that will always be the case.

            But I recognise it in a healthy way, I feel no need to compete with anyone and I’m quite capable of recognising my own acheivements within my own capabilites and that there are certain things my personality is not capable of and never will be which I am also accepting of. yes I strive to acheive where I can and can be endless relentless in doing so at times, but I wouldn’t flog a dead horse so to speak.

            I remember an Irish comedian (there’s a bit of a theme with me and comedians I think hahah), Dylan Moran, he was talking about age and that when you get to 40 everything becomes about acceptance or denial. I apply that to everything in life pretty much! hahah It helps to maintain the equilibrium

            The only time I’ve truly felt extreme envy is when the N prompted this in me through his triangulation. And if that is how people feel and what he probably feels on a daily basis through his envy of others, I can honestly say, it must be a living hell! It lasted for some months but I went back to my baseline pretty quickly. And if that is what Ns in general experience then I understand their need (not condone) for fuel.

            I have many N traits but thank god that is not one which is particularly strong for me. And when it comes, it is pretty fleeting. I would never want to experience how the N made me feel ever again.

            Don’t allow anyone to project onto you MB. You are a beautiful, wonderful person and do not to deserve to absorb anything they do not want to feel themselves.

          2. MB says:

            Thank you AS2016!

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          NA: “she is a beautiful and accomplished woman with over a six figure income herself and no Eliza Doolittle” good point!!!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Seven figure.

          2. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Go figure!

          3. MB says:

            I knew that fact check was coming!

          4. SMH says:

            I can’t believe so many smart and thoughtful people on here are envious of SM or even look at IG. I honestly hope SM cares about more than money and handbags so that I can respect her, HG. Even you are helping people. What does SM do to make the world a better place? Do you have any respect for her, HG, or are you just happy that she is a very well functioning appliance and you can show her off to your friends?

          5. Lorelei says:

            So HG I have a collection of random thoughts. I’m being entirely transparent. I don’t know who you are nor will I ask. You could tell me—I probably would not even look you up until I got around to it later in the day. My only concern has been that when you do reveal your identity that you aren’t totally ridiculous because of me referring your work. Like horrible crimes, look like a complete doofus, etc. (is doofus a word?) Like if you look like Shrek for instance!
            That is all. Truly. You could tell
            me who you are. I would never tell even my dog. The work is valuable—that is the life saver for me. My gratitude is unable to be measured. Period. Regarding you having a girlfriend. My hope is this—that if your story is as you present it.. That you see value in not hurting good people. It’s that simple. Hurt douche bags, there are plenty of them. Questions about your lady friend are whether or not you would have children (somehow), pets together, and whether you believe she has been previously ensnared. I don’t care what she earns, although I understand there would be a correlation of pride associated with ensnaring a smart, successful woman. I’ve been ensnared by money (to an extent) in the past but it is not a huge thing for me (it was attractive then—being honest) so financials are nice but I don’t get off on “look at this” in what I think may be a similar way. Correct me if I’m wrong. I only ask about pets because you have joked about not wanting to clean up after them but would you be that domesticated? Kids.. You are older so having them seems unlikely. I know you are my age or older. I just want you to have peace regardless of who or what you are and for those in your inner circle to have the harmony you provide us. Have a good night.

          6. Kiki says:

            With all due respect
            So what !
            does this make a woman immune to a narcs manipulation or somehow stronger there are many beautiful wealthy women in the world does that make them stronger
            No way !
            This is NOT logic but EL
            If that was the case there would be no need for GOSO at all we could all ,well the beautiful well off posters anyway could deal with their narcs and possibly heal them
            Does anyone see my point 😞

          7. Sweetest Perfection says:

            You’re absolutely right, Kiki. I think what NA was saying though, which is what I found important to point out, is not so much that she’s wealthy but that she has her own achievements. She was reminding to those people that comment on how lucky SM is that she’s been taken for trips etc that she probably can do by herself too given that she’s a successful woman, not just because she is with HG. Of course being beautiful, rich, successful, doesn’t make you inmune to narcissists, that’s not what was expressed there in my opinion.

          8. NarcAngel says:

            Exactly. Many of the comments about SM being so lucky re: gifts and trips etc piss me the fuck off. She is not a charity case. Women do not have to depend on men to experience nice things. Also the comments about her being beautiful, brilliant, etc. I’m sure she is, but they can’t even really see her! She could have 3 eyes in her forehead. We see a tank top and one skirt and she has excellent taste. Taste is individual. WTF?! I know she doesn’t have 3 eyes HG, and no doubt the other things you assert, I’m just pointing out that we have no real evidence except your assertion, and as I have pointed out before, you would have said those things about all of your exes at one point also. The rest is all empath emotional thinking and projection. Ridiculous. She is flesh and bone and no better than anyone else here EXCEPT IN HG’S EYES.

          9. MB says:

            NA, your self esteem is enviable. I don’t know how you’ve been through the hell that you describe and have come out on the other side as strong as you are.

            The envy toward the SM is nothing more than a feeling of being less than. A feeling that I am all too familiar with.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I’m not very happy with the way I expressed myself in my previous comment, I apologize. I don’t want to give the impression I said I am different because I don’t put up with the BS for long. What I tried to say is that because my self esteem is healthy, I have been able to identify a good relationship from a piece of abusive shit very quickly, but the pain when you realize you’ve been fooled, when you discover the person is not who you thought etc still remains and the self esteem doesn’t make you immune to being fooled again. I hope that sounds more articulate, I’m not better than anyone here.

          11. MB says:

            SP, no worries. I didn’t take it that way at all. I didn’t read anything into your comment that wasn’t there. If I ever feel “less than” because what is said here or IRL, that is a matter for me. You need not worry for my own self flagellation. It’s obvious you have copious amounts of self esteem. I admire that. You should be proud. It is a wonderful thing. After HG, I’m fairly sure I won’t be fooled again either.

          12. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Hahaha I love your dedication, MB!

          13. Sweetest Perfection says:

            NA, I agree with you in everything. MB, I do have a very good self esteem and still have been targeted by narcissists. In my case the difference is that I don’t put up with the shit for very long, but I am still a target.

          14. SMH says:

            SP and MB, I also have very high self esteem (and high narc traits, of course) and I have also been targeted twice in a row. It won’t happen again now that I have found HG but my self-absorption, egoism, self-esteem, whatever you want to call it, did not save me. I think this must be because narcs latch onto empathic traits. They don’t care if you have low, medium or high esteem. You are not ‘less than,’ MB. You are actually MORE than – more empathic than the norm.

          15. MB says:

            SMH, thank you. Attachment is be the seat of misery for HG. Comparison is the seat of misery for me.

          16. SMH says:

            Aww MB, Never compare yourself to anyone!! Maybe HG can help some of us to develop healthy narcissistic traits. I think I have enough (I fear I am teetering on the verge of narcdom) but I think a few more would be good for you!

          17. MB says:

            SMH, thank you. I try not to compare myself to others, but it is a weakness. I come up short and feel miserable and stuck in a state of lack and self loathing.

            HG stated that he could help me with self worth issues through consultation, but I don’t think it had anything to do with teaching me the ways of narcdom 🙂

          18. HG Tudor says:


          19. SMH says:

            MB, Any way that HG can help will be great! And if you need help from us, we can help too. Do you know what led to your feelings of low self-worth?

          20. MB says:

            SMH, there have many here that have been helpful. I’ve done a lot of work on my own with toxic shame too. Finding HGs work and Narcsite has been just as much of an exercise in learning about myself as learning about narcissists. It has been an unintended yet serendipitous consequence.

            As much as I’ve been able to ascertain, my low self worth stems from being “abandoned” at a critical time in my development when my next sibling was born. Also being absorbed into a large family with little resources. My childhood experience was that of being a burden, not valued. I’ve also recently accepted the fact that my father is a narcissist and my mother co-dependent. She was more like one of us children when it came to being an owned appliance rather than a human being. She couldn’t stand up for herself, much less for us.

            My personality was formed during that time. I can see logically that none of what I bought into was true, but the FEELING is still there. I can feel the dull feelings of shame, worthlessness and rejection in my gut all the time if I look there. (Like now) But when it is “jabbed” as HG says, (by a shaming experience or a shaming memory) it is very painful emotionally and takes the air out of me like a punch in the gut squarely where it always hurts. HG says I don’t know wounding since I’m not a narcissist, but I feel sure this is the closest I can come to knowing what that is. I don’t lash out at others though, I lash out at myself.

          21. Sweetest Perfection says:

            But not by us. You will never be rejected by us. At least not by me. Rise and shine, dear MB.

          22. MB says:

            Thank you Sweet P! Please don’t think I’m looking for pity or sympathy. I’m just trying to make sense of life the best I can. I have been far from abused. If my story resonates with anybody and can help them, I’m happy to share.

          23. Sweetest Perfection says:

            I would never think that, silly! 😘

          24. SMH says:


            Are you close to any of your siblings? Have you ever discussed your upbringing with them? I realized from this site that I have a Matrinarc. She triangulated her children all the time. She would talk about one of us behind our back to the others; she would always have one ‘in’ and one on the ‘outs.’ As an adult, she would always take the opportunity to tell one of my partners that I was crazy. Sometimes I wouldn’t find out for ages until something went wrong, and then the partner would say ‘your mother told me you were crazy.’ My father has referred to me as the ‘black sheep.’ No idea why since we are all fucked up.

            So that is part of my story. It has really helped me to understand myself. Doesn’t mean I handle the dynamics any better IRL but when I wonder about things I do and how I am, it helps to not blame myself but also own my choices.

            Maybe there is a clue in similar dynamics to your low feelings of self worth and maybe HG can help you to sort that out?

          25. MB says:

            SMH, I am close to my siblings. We discuss our upbringing sometimes, but not in a serious way usually.

          26. SMH says:

            MB, We never really did either until recently. I don’t know about the others but it’s been helpful for me.

          27. Twilight says:


            Your beautiful, everything that makes you who you are can not be compared to anyone. I understand it is the way you feel and at times see yourself due to what others have placed upon you, it just isn’t truth of what is.

          28. MB says:

            Thank you Twilight! That’s kind of you to say.

          29. NarcAngel says:

            No. Those attributes will not tame him. I pointed them out because they may assist her if/when (depending on individual belief) it doesn’t work out. Not that they make her any better or important than any other woman here. The narcissist has to believe that. We don’t.

        3. Becoming Observant says:

          Wait: super empaths have higher narc traits?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            They have narcissistic traits (like all people) but they are stronger and more numerous.

          2. Becoming Observant says:

            Well THAT explains a lot… Unable to lie, yet great at acting; ability to feel fuel (and like it), need to control situations (to keep things calm, for good not evil), ability to dissociate from negative situations, yet forgive everything like it never happened, and ignore inflammatory remarks bc I don’t believe them (or that the angry person does, they lash out to get a reaction, but don’t FEEL the mean words)… I keep doubting my empathic side, bc the narc traits are there, but not full-blown.

          3. Chihuahuamum says:

            I witnessed a couple years ago two elites one definitely a narc the other who i think is a super empath but still confused at times and wonder if possibly also a narc go thru a break up. Both make 7 figures easily and their own businesses. Both had new partners right away which leads me to suspect if the relationship was on the rocks for a long while. For privacy purposes i wont go into specifics but the super empath did not fall to pieces. Im sure she was hurt but she never relied heavily on him. They were equal partners. In fact id even say he relied more on her. She makes way more money than him! She was constantly giving him things like furniture when he could more than afford to buy truckloads of high end furnishings. The nature of their now partners is very intertwined. I have incredible respect for her! Ive learned a lot from observing her experiences. What stands out is that she never relied on him for anything! They never lived together either. Independance definitely helps and especially financial.
            I suspect SM is a lot like this super empath i speak of. I think once devalument starts she will persevere for awhile then disengage. I do think she would be the type of woman if she finds out she was on IG will seek legal action. When youre this successful you are well connected with lawyers and protected. She will be concerned with her career and privacy. HG hasnt posted her face as far as i know but there are other personal pics of them doing things etc and this i think would be a big no no in her eyes with her professional reputation as well as her personal privacy.
            When i think of SM i feel i somewhat know her firsthand thru this super empath and she will not crumble once the relationship ends …not at all. She will hurt but keep it to herself. Her narc qualities and independance will protect her from being completely broken. She has a successful career, her own money and friends and…freedom.
            The super empath i speak of has moved on quick. New boyfriend and exciting future plans SHE made happen not the ex narc. Its been about 2 yrs now and both seem happy. I do think once her exes relationship unravels he will be back sniffing around but i also know she will never take him back bc to do so would tarnish her professional image. Its not even a possibility.

          4. strongerwendyme says:

            HG, from what you’ve written about SE’s previously, they take more work to ensnare (a challenge, which you like), but once they feel you deserve their empathy and trust they gush with high level fuel for you.

            When devaluation starts they have “the same empathic traits of others on the empathic spectrum, but again being made of sterner stuff, their descent towards numbness and malfunction is far slower than that of the empath. The Super Empath will keep providing the fuel but deteriorates at a slower rate.”

            They have the potential to last longer without breaking/malfunctioning. They can take mistreatment longer than other empaths.

            There is also the risk that their awareness of being mistreated will make them walk away. A tricky balance of risk and reward that some narcs relish.

          5. HG Tudor says:


          6. Becoming Observant says:

            The narc/empath relationship can’t be successful/positive forever.

            HG teaches us to see the narc red-flags. It doesn’t prevent the polar attraction. The majority of narcs cannot see what they are. This can be used (to some degree) to control the relationship. HG’s insights make narc-responses fairly predictable.

            It’s weird: an elite narcissist knows what he is, and can push an empath’s buttons to control them. We can do the same to a narc who cannot see themselves for what they are. The narc reaction is less predictable bc their worldview is so contradictory and hypocritical (whatever serves self).

            Narc engagement is fun for awhile (brain candy), but there WILL be an ugly end. Both personality types thrive (mentally) on emotional adrenaline. Relationships explode, but we all keep pushing the adrenaline-fix button.

          7. HG Tudor says:

            Greater knows, not elite.

        4. Caroline R says:

          Well said.

          If HG starts treating her badly, she will of course try to understand what’s happening, and try to sort it out, but she won’t stay much longer.
          Her self-respect won’t allow her to continue to be ridden roughshod over, even if she doesn’t understand why he’s changed so much.

          If he starts devaluation, he pulls the trigger on his own inevitable discard.
          She’ll be pulled back in by the IGH, and maybe one more false-contrition Hoover, but that’ll be the end.

          Not being listened to?
          Not respected?
          Cheated on?
          Nothing resolved?
          SM walks…..

          She can’t risk being utterly shattered and needing time off work to recover from it. She possibly experienced that in her early 20s already.

          It would be unbearable for her if she had to keep seeing HG at work, so she’s not going to allow him to shatter her from the perspective of her career either.

          I imagine that SM gave thought to these things before they moved in together.
          She has some life experience, and knows how to manage her life and finances, and achieve her goals.

          We don’t know what her romantic history has been, how close she is in her understanding of NPD, what other books she has on her shelf. Who knows?

          She would have men hitting on her all the time, so she won’t be lonely for new attention. She has a lot of career responsibilities that demand her time and attention.
          She has some great job perqs, as per HG’s IG.
          She can buy her own shoulder bags, and Tiffany items.
          It makes it easier to walk away.

          1. MB says:

            I’m liking this shift. Logic is beginning to prevail over emotion. I feel better already.

          2. Caroline R says:

            Thank you for all your hard work for us here.
            I noticed that you edited my comment, removing a reference to a well respected book.
            My reference to it supports your literary integrity, it doesn’t compete with it.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I deemed it unnecessary, Caroline.

          4. Kiki says:

            This projection and not logic at all How do you know this ?
            Why can’t we all do this then I’m sure there are posters here that have all of the above
            Why are we here in the first place it’s like everything HG has taught has gone flying out the window
            There are no exceptions
            SM won’t be an exception because if she is everything I’ve learned here was a waste


          5. Caroline R says:

            “Ok. Thank you for replying”.

          6. strongerwendyme says:

            Hi CIR,

            Just my opinion: It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, how smart you are, how much self-respect you have, if you make seven figures, what your title in your career is or what your career responsibilities are, if you have men hitting on you all the time, if you’ve been ensnared and shattered by a narc previously and felt you learned from that, if you can buy your own Hermes purse, whether you are a super empath, a standard empath or any variety of cadre –

            All can be devastated equally by a narcissistic relationship.

            Also just my opinion: If HG ever pulls the trigger on devaluation in this relationship or any relationship he has had or will be in (which would be precipitated by him feeling that the fuel wasn’t where he needed it to be anymore) he would make the calculated decision to do so having considered all the consequences, angles and outcomes that could come from that beforehand and would have contingency plans in place to ensure his fuel supply is not at risk.

        5. Kiki says:

          I see your point Narc Angel thinking more on it the below is really what’s bothering me

          I have to stop with the Instagram though it hurts
          Why I think SM is being portrayed as this mystical fairytale figure who could heal HG from his narcissism
          When posters comment about great she is beautiful wealthy accomplished and with narc traits to deal with HG it makes it worse and kind of invalidates my own experience and many of the stories here
          I have nothing against a beautiful accomplished woman by the way
          It is the portrayal that these things can possibly tame HG is what makes me mad
          It EL in its highest form for me
          Already us women are fed the fairytale from young if you keep pretty and do this do that you are worthy of a man or a narc you can heal him
          My point is if we believe for a second that SM can heal HG we may as well forget GOSO the EL is very strong still it won’t work for me anyway

          1. SMH says:

            Kiki, I hear you. I am disturbed at the way posters on here are displaying envy of SM. Honestly, who cares what she looks like or how much money she has. I want to know if she has a soul. Actually, I am not interested in SM at all because HG has not said one thing about her that makes her an interesting person. At least nothing I have read. Maybe she is fascinating but because HG does not paint a full picture of her, she does not hold my interest. Not even sure why I am on this post. But oh well.

        6. zwartbolleke says:

          NA, I always like your thoughts!
          I have a question for everyone… Is there anyone here who actually believes HG has not cheated on SM yet? I relistened (did I spell that correct?) to interviews with HG today, where he states with no doubt that he is a psychopath (his own words). What is the number one thing that comes in mind when I hear the word psychopath (my father is one so believe me, I know): pathological lying.

          They lie about everything. Even when you think: who on earth would lie about this, it is so obvious you make this up or it is not true, even then, no problem, everything is a lie.

          Is there anyone here who actually believes HG would make: a post to all, saying: “I’m sorry all, I cheated on the SM, and I’m sorry I disappointed you all”… Ha ha ha
          And if he does, that’s a lie also…

          There is 1 thing all psychopaths seem to forget when interacting with us: we notice when they are lying!!
          I have unmasked all psychopaths because of the pathological lying. We notice small things that are not correct, facial expressions that don’t match with the message, or the timing of the message doesn’t make sense, or, very important one: they use the wrong emoji’s… They seem to not understand which facial expression of the emoji fits with the message (because ofcourse they mimic normal emotions, so they don’t experience them themselves)
          So make no mistake: the SM will unmask HG because of the pathological lying. And she doesn’t need this website to do so. Before I discovered this website, I unmasked all the psychopaths in my life, using what I learned in the books of Robert Hare (Corporate Psychopath and Without Conscience), so it is possible! (ofcourse admitting HG: nothing beats this website!)

          Don’t be fooled by your trust and your gratitude, never forget we are dealing with a psychopath, love to all of you

          1. HG Tudor says:

            No, we no not lie about everything. We lie in order to maintain control. Those of us who are at the top need not lie as often in order to maintain control because we have other methods of doing so, our range of manipulations and the level of their effectiveness is substantial. If I identify that telling the truth serves the best outcome for me, the truth is told – take this place for example. You get the truth here because telling you all the truth of our kind enables me to build my legacy and you to gain understanding which further builds my legacy. Moreover, telling the truth here cannot impact on my private life, therefore it works perfectly. I have no need to tell lies in this place. I have need to tell lies elsewhere, but not always. Do understand however that this distinction only rests with Ultra and Greater, not Mid-Range nor Lesser.

          2. Kiki says:

            HG I hope you read this
            so I can clear up something that is really bothering me

            I agree with you fully
            I personally seem to remember every single tiny little thing and spot contradictions very easily
            The devil is always in the detail
            I remember ex narc would say something then months later contradict himself
            I always spotted it
            I don’t believe Hg is lying to us but Hg something irked me so I have to say it out

            Ok here goes

            On Instagram I made a comment and you said it was a great observation my user name is not coming up as Kiki I must change that .

            I made the same comment here on the blog as Kiki and you didn’t agree with it and said something totally different in a very very curt manner
            I have no problem if you agree disagree etc with me but it was totally contradictory
            I was a bit hurt and taken aback as I have been on this blog over 2 years bought EVERY one of your books and had 2 consults

            I just have to say it as it’s bothering me


          3. HG Tudor says:

            I cannot answer you, you’ve provided no particularisation Kiki.

          4. zwartbolleke says:

            Please correct me if I’m wrong, so everything you tell here (assuming for this topic that indeed you always speak the truth) is a manipulation tactic?

            Dr Robert Hare needs to know this, 40 years of research is wasted

          5. HG Tudor says:

            I do not understand your question as it does not follow what I stated.

            I write the truth here. I explain the manipulation tactics. The explanation is not a form of manipulation.

        7. Kiki says:

          Hi Narc Angel thank you my own ET was flaring up big time on this topic
          It seems to tap a nerve with me something I need to look at in myself

          I had a good chuckle at one of your comments below about hating all the beautiful talk and three eyes bit you are funny and 100 percent correct


        8. empath007 says:

          Exactly. If anything men tend to drag women down… I mean…. look at a lot of us on this sight… dragged DOWN by a narc. Not up.

        9. Kim e says:

          NA,,,kinda late to this thread but had a question for you regarding your remark. SM might be a SE and have all those things with or without HG, but in the end isnt she just like all the rest of us empaths…addicted to N’s?
          And doesnt that mean that she will be crushed when devaluation commences?
          I am just curious as to why you seem to think she will not be affected because of her empath school and standing in society?
          Just curious……

          1. Lorelei says:

            I think HG has simply said people possessing certain types of empathic structure may recover more quickly. Of course any empathic person would be hurt. AND it’s up to us to see beautiful places and people, buy ourselves gifts. It’s never the responsibility of a partner to make our dreams come true. We don’t even know what the reality is re, HG and a significant other. It’s irrelevant because the teaching is the key. So, I think a super empath is likely possessing a more sturdy deportment when up against sub-par behaviors. Not the same as immune to pain. At all.

          2. Hope says:

            Affected or not he’s going to do what he’s going to do regardless what anyone thinks or says. We either get to witness it or not, we don’t get to dictate what occurs. Since whatever happens is going to happen regardless— I’d rather see, so I can learn from it. Rather it be her than all of us and our narcs we think we can fix because she made it work. She’s going to be hurt, or not, no matter what—but we can learn—or not—depending on what’s filtered or shared. You can’t stop it or control it but you can be given an opportunity to observe and learn. He hurts her (or not) no matter what is shared with us. But if shared, her (1 person) story could potentially aid (18 million hits) much more people. He doesn’t know what will happen (or maybe he does), she doesn’t know what will happen, we don’t know what will happen, but everyone can learn if we get to see it unfold. Only this way, none of us are in the fire. We can watch how it burns and maybe learn from the vicarious experience. Wouldn’t you rather learn than just be blind and it continues on whether you see it or not? Whether you learn or not? Whether anyone benefits or not?

      3. A383 says:


        I think the thing you have to remind yourself of is that unfortunately for SM despite repeated mentions of her intelligence, beauty and earning capacity, bottom line – he doesn’t nor will he ever love her – no matter what she looks likes or earns. Well, certainly not in the way most people, indeed probably herself, think of how love is supposed to be.

        It’s not meant as a criticism of her or HG but let call it as it is – she’s been had, just like the rest of us, and yes, being a SE, she may very well move on quickly without too much upset but what are we now, seven or eight months in and she doesn’t look to me like she’s has any misgivings about HG’s personality.

        Of course we don’t know for sure as we only ever get HG’s take on things. Which is fine but you never really truly know what is going on in other peoples lives.

        All the best to you Kiki. x

      4. empath007 says:

        Kiki, Be wary of being jealous of people’s IG and facebook profiles in general… they are simply showing the world what THEY want them to see. Behind closed doors we all have our own struggles we face.

        You seem pretty awesome to me! So you keep doing you!

      5. Hope says:

        Kiki!! Woman! Have you ever been in a relationship with a narc? Nothing is worth the pain. That stuff? It’s hollow. There’s no emotion behind it. If you are like me and you crave true intimacy you’ll never find it with a narc. Golden period or not —it’s nothing but a hollow shell. Barren. It’s all just forced fakery. Subconscious, conscious, instinctual, doesn’t matter how you label it—there’s nothing there! Remember. Don’t forget. You don’t really want things. You want intimacy. If you want the things buy a lottery ticket, invest in stocks, buy cryptocurrency—all those things have a better shot of gaining you something in clear, definable terms with no strings unlike than a narc. Invest in your education, look for a new job, focus your passion. A narc always takes more and gives nothing emotionally. A narc will stifle your potential and keep your purpose clouded.

  14. A383 says:

    HG, just saw the beautiful cookie SM baked for you on IG. How lovely. Enjoy it. You’ve been putting in a power of work on the blog over the last two days. I was struggling to keep up yesterday! I’m sure everyone appreciates it x

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you.

    2. MB says:

      I saw it too A383. I thought it was a pancake and wondered, “who drinks wine with pancakes”?!? She really does love you to bits HG. I can’t help but feel sad for her.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Why, she is having a wonderful time.

        1. MB says:

          I know she is NOW. I’m sad for what lies ahead for her. It’s like seeing somebody playing blissfully on the train tracks and picking flowers. Please tell her HG. Tell her what you’ve told us. She loves you. It’s not too late.

          1. A383 says:

            She will learn the greatest lesson of her life. We all did.
            A lesson that will change her completely and arm (weaponise) her for a better life ahead.
            Yes, it will be tough but better to go through some heartache now than live forever in ignorance x

          2. MB says:

            A383, she will know the greatest pain of her life and may not survive. I can’t help but feel compassion for her. The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. She will be crushed when she is flung in the dirt by the man that has loved her beyond her wildest dreams. And unlike us, she won’t have the resources of HGTU.

            But, ‘‘tis better to have had the ecstasy of the Ultra Elite’s dizzying Golden Period than to have never been on a pedestal at all”…or is it? There are many before SM that have pondered that question. She’s far from the first. I only hope she is the last. I hope. And hope is a liar.

          3. A383 says:

            MB, sorry, but so what!

            Why would SM’s experience (pain) be worse than any other person that’s had an intimate relationship with a narcissist, let alone raised by narcissists.

            HG stated that his ex Kim was ‘behaving herself.’ I presume she’s still living and breathing and has survived. Was she not on the same pedestal a few years back? Why would SM be any different then?

            What about the people left with kids, homeless, penniless, broken both physically and mentally.

            If anything, from what we know of her, she’ll get to walk away with JUST a broken heart – no kids, financial worries etc.

            Also, you simply cannot infer her love for him is any greater than mine or yours was for our narcissists or future pain any deeper.

            We all feel for her but not more than I feel for myself – and she gets handbags!

            Cut it whatever way you want but I know which side of the emotional sea I’d rather be on for the rest of my life.

            Unfortunately, ‘sometimes to grow we must suffer.’

            Also, who is to say she won’t end up here! She most likely will search for answers like we all did. Awkward for you HG!


          4. Sweetest Perfection says:

            A383, “and she gets handbags” is my favorite part! Haha! True, I suffered a lot of pain my hear was broken my marriage in danger the friendship I thought we had was fake, and all he ever got for me was a bottle of wine once! I don’t want SM to suffer though. Nobody here wants that.

          5. MB says:

            SP, I don’t think the gifts will make up for her heartache. But I see the point. I thought if I got put out on that highway to walk home, at least I’d be carrying some glittery Louboutin heels. (Once I realized what they were. Another thing I’ve learned at narcsite.) I didn’t get a damn thing as far as gifts.

          6. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Haha I remember the Louboutin reference, it came out when I told HG that Tudor is red and he asked what kind of red. I said Valentino red and then he said he preferred Louboutin red. In actuality Tudor is burgundy red. Sigh, if they asked me “SP, what did your lover give you during your affair?” I would sadly answer: dick pics.

          7. MB says:

            SP, thankfully, I never got a single dick pic or any pic for that matter. I think he was smart about evidence. Plus, he may have thought, like HG, that dick pics are for morons. Sure didn’t stop him from asking me for pics though.

            I remember that convo. When he asked the shade of red, I said “tangerine”! One of my faves 😂

          8. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Yes! That was the thread! ❤️Wow that was back in January I believe. I was in Europe at that time.

          9. MB says:

            A383, awkward for HG indeed!
            I suppose to answer your question, I have compassion for all victims of abuse, not just The SM. I’m not saying that her experience will be any worse than anybody else’s. Seeing her GP in living color drives it home the pain that is to come. I nearly committed suicide so that my pain would stop and I had NO WHERE EVEN CLOSE to what she has coming her way. I think it is because I know the pain that I do feel such compassion. Not only for her but here on the daily with other commenters. I’ve readily admitted that I’m envious of her current experiences and it makes me happy to imagine the elation that she must feel. In fact gives me butterflies thinking of her joy. But knowing she will have to pay dearly for those experiences breaks my heart. And seeing her on IG makes her “real”. She’s one of us and I feel like we are in on the plot to destroy her. That’s how it is different. We know now. She doesn’t.

          10. Sweetest Perfection says:

            MB, that’s why I mentioned dramatic irony: the fact that we, the audience, know more than the protagonist of the story. I am sorry to read you almost committed suicide, I don’t recall you mentioning that in the past, but I’m glad you’re still with us and you made it through. I never thought of committing suicide but I did feel a moment of vacuuming where I felt empty and without any direction due to the failed affair with the narc and other bad things going around my life. I felt like nothing worked out and I felt lost. My body ached and I couldn’t even cry. I feel a little if not a lot like a traitor when I see the pics of SM. And even more so when I see cute gestures like the cake with the love message. MB, I hope you don’t ever go down that dark hole again. 😘😘😘

          11. HG Tudor says:

            No you don’t.

          12. Sweetest Perfection says:

            HG, we don’t know what the future will bring, we are not the Oracle. We do know however that you are a narcissist and we know your history of devaluations that have been described in detail in many of your works and articles. From what you have told us, SM is not familiar with that side of you, thus, we know more than her in that respect.

          13. HG Tudor says:

            No, you referred to the protagonist SP. That’s me.

          14. Sweetest Perfection says:

            HAHAHA! Egomaniac!

          15. MB says:

            I feel like an accomplice too. He IS getting brave with his pics. I want to see more HG though!

            It was a dark time and I explained it more in a comment I just made to A383. Obviously, I’m glad I didn’t go through with my plan. I hope I never get to a place that dark again.

          16. Sweetest Perfection says:

            Oh MB, babe! This makes me really sad. Was that why you disappeared for a while? I’m so glad you got over it and decided to come back.

          17. MB says:

            Goodness no SP! That was a few years ago. I got tangled back up with him after that. Because I didn’t know better. I thought he’d changed his mind and come back for me. 🙄 I went NC for a couple of months and then broke it and got tangled up again. I finally had enough in February of him ignoring me and decided once and for all (hopefully) to go NC. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. My addiction was strong! That combined with one of my sons leaving the nest put me in a pretty deep depression. Not as dark as before, though. I felt too bad to come on the blog is why I disappeared. I literally didn’t have the strength. My sunshine was extinguished, but it’s back now! All is well in MBs world. Well, mostly 😊

          18. Sweetest Perfection says:

            “Tangled back up” are my nightmare words. I hope I don’t fall for that shit again although I doubt it because there is nothing memorable that I would like to go back to, really. He is a good kisser, but so am I.

          19. MB says:

            SP, I wouldn’t know if I’m a good kisser or not 😐 It’s like “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” The world may never know!

          20. Sweetest Perfection says:

            You need to kiss more often!!!!

          21. MB says:

            I think life is too short not to be kissing. Sadly, I don’t enjoy kissing my Sheep Boy. And never kissed anybody else (that counts that is). I need to get some wine for this pity party! Good Lord!

          22. NarcAngel says:

            I’m sorry you felt like that and didn’t realize your son was going off at that time as well. Glad that you are feeling better again and sharing with us here again.

          23. MB says:

            NA, thank you. That means a lot. Now if I can just get the rid of the rest of the 30 lbs I gained over it all! I thought of my own ass when you made the bag of oatmeal comment 😂

          24. A383 says:

            MB, so sorry to hear about your own personal experience – it’s just dreadful Thank you for sharing that with me (us). x

            Yes, it will be hard for her but if she’s as brilliant as HG’s says she is, a SE no less, she’ll be seeing the red flags flying high already and perhaps, just perhaps she will have her shield at the ready. SHE WILL NEED IT.

            IG update – HG Tudor – a man who’s had more girlfriends that hot dinners – no hang on, reverse that….. just joking HG – enjoy your meal.

            Just a wee footnote if you don’t mind – if SM is discarded, finds her way to the blogs/IG and then realises she’s been the unwitting star of the show for the last six months, do you worry about privacy laws, as anyone who knows her will surely be able to identify her from the last pic you’ve just posted. x

          25. MB says:

            A383, it was a very dark time. Interestingly enough, my husband saved my life and will never know it. I was in another state. I had planned a trip that N went along with until it started getting closer. He was to meet me there. The closer the date came, the more distant he got. Anyway, long story short, he didn’t show, didn’t give a reason, wouldn’t answer my texts or calls after I got there. I was already very low and knew he wasn’t going to show because of the way he had been acting. I had brought a lot of Xanax and planned to take it and go to sleep to end all the pain I had been through culminating in this climax of ultimate rejection.

            I thought of what it would take for my husband to coordinate and deal with the red tape of having my body removed from the hotel and back across state lines. Not to mention funeral and burial plans. I couldn’t do that to him. That’s not something he would be able to do without me helping him on a good day, much less after the loss of his beloved wife.

          26. Sweetest Perfection says:

            “The Man Who’s Had More Girlfriends than Hot Dinners: the Sequel”. Coming soon to your nearest theatre.

          27. A383 says:

            MB, thank you once again for sharing your story. What a truly dreadful experience for you.
            Thank God you and your husband survived.
            Best wishes to you x

          28. Chihuahuamum says:

            Hi mb …i wanted to say im very sorry you were suicidal and that low in your life. Im so glad you pulled thru. Your life is very precious and i think its easy to lose sight of that when faced with terrible emotional pain. I know HG has writtrn about hope being a liar but i believe in hope. Hope keeps me afloat and positive. Its given me strength when i needed it most. That said i dont just rely on hope i try to put into action as well altho not everything i should. I just want you to know i appreciate what you share!
            Re: SM …she may be stronger than we think. Anger can be a stronger emotion and if she were to find out she had been on display during the relationship id wager she’d be mighty pissed off more than hurt. I know for myself anger can be a great catalyst for change. Not every victim is fine china even where a greater narc is concerned.

          29. MB says:

            Thank you Chimum. That was very sweet of you to say.

            To help with my ET re: SM, I imagine NA in her place. (Not that she would allow herself to be in that position.) But knowing how she stands up for herself, takes no shit, and is a badass in general, I trust she could hold her own.

            As a Super Empath, SM will be fare better than most if and when the fall happens. I shall not be “feeling bad” for her moving forward. She’s a grown ass woman enjoying the foxtrot out of life right now. You go girl! I’m rooting for you.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          Because of dramatic irony, HG.

          1. Sweetest Perfection says:

            My heart was broken! That was a typo, sorry. My hearing is still good thank goodness.

        3. A383 says:

          Also, if SM is ever discarded, I’m sure there’d be a queue like an execution waiting to replace her.
          Your GPs are out if this world HG x

          1. MB says:

            I don’t doubt that at all. I’m envious myself! But SM will pay for her wonderful time ten fold. Nobody leaves without paying! And the better the GP, the higher the price.

          2. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            There are more women than men and we have been pitted against each other practically forever, it seems. Many put HG Tudor in a double bind. Some will be happy if the relationships lasts the rest of their lives and the recipient stays reasonably happy. Some wish for failure as soon as possible. And these wishes are for so many different reasons. Some benign and some malign. But remember, the Narcissism practically has a mind of its own. The game is over if `one’s` narcissist decided that one no longer provided what it needed, and the needs address fuel of course, but what recipe of fuel and character traits and residual benefits for each Narcissist, must be asked, yes? Somewhat different for each, yes? So, if a Narcissist devalued one after one day or devalued one after one decade, there is not much one can do about it. Wondering about the length of someone else’s Golden Period is fine, but it will not repair the problem of one’s own Golden Period that has come and gone. Some people just provide better fuel, in the recipe, for their particular narcissistic dynamic than others. Some are stop gap measures or emergency measures or even long time providers. Variations of a theme. When the music goes bad, and one ends up here, it means it is time to rethink the entire dynamic and learn how to go forward in each particular case, whether one was entangled for 3 days or 3 years or 3 decades.

        4. empath007 says:

          Really? You ask why someone would feel sad for her? There’s really no understanding on your part as to why someone would ask that question or have that interpretation?

          Well, that’s a nArcs answer if I ever did see one. Mine always thought he was doing me some kind of favor too.

          I’m glad she’s having a great time.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Ergo why feel sad for someone having a marvellous time?

          2. empath007 says:

            Oh, and that’s exactly how my narc would have answered that question too….

            Uh mememories lol

          3. empath007 says:

            Oh, and that’s exactly how my narc would have answered that question too….

            Uh mememories lol

            However, with my narc I would then start defending my position, being angry he was trying to insult my intelligence, write out a long list of the very answer to that question.

            Perhaps it is because you are a stranger or perhaps it’s because I’ve now learned… what’s the point?

            When dealing with one of your kind. There is no need to get upset.

            I’m so thrilled she’s having a Marvellous time.

          4. T’mara says:

            I envy the nighttimes that turn into 24/7… all the lush, poetic, dreamy things… I envy. But, I do not envy in an angry way; I envy them in a hopeful way; I, too, will live in such poetic dreams, someday, with a prince. It will last forever… as it will for ShieldMaiden. I believe. I know.

          5. empath007 says:

            Good luck with that T’mara ! There are no princes… there are no fairytales. There are, however, good men who are capable of loving you without abusing you… that’s better then any poetic dream.

            Also, you should read up on what HG says about hope and it’s reliability.

          6. T’mara says:

            Thank you, Empath007… I will try to find it in search bar, later, as I am heading out soon.

            No, I would not want any more abuse. The Golden Phase seems incredible, but when the abuse hits, it makes everything else not worth it. I must remember this.

            I want to learn the difference between “a good man”, and a “Narcissist” because I choose the wrong ones. At first, Narcissists seem like “good men”.

          7. zwartbolleke says:

            Why feel sad:
            Because it is all fake…
            Because “the relationship” is trown on IG without any respect,
            Because it is humiliating for her,
            Because you lie to her,
            Because she has not consented to be in this
            Because she is unaware of this display
            (I can go on for another hour)

            And I feel sad for some of your followers as well, because not all of them are healed and once the GP is not so golden anymore, it will bring back black memories to many here, and I fear the consequences for some who are here.

            It’s a dangerous game you are playing, and you are the only one enjoying it…

            I must admit, it’s the game of the true Master, so no offense, I have great respect for what you do, you did a wonderful thing here, but with this SM game there is a red line crossed

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Wait and see.

          9. empath007 says:

            Sure HG. We’ll do that. What was that you always say about hope? ….

          10. empath007 says:

            I could go on for hours too Z ! But it would be a total waste of my typing fingers!

        5. Regarding why a Narcissist stays with different sources for different time lengths, I found this article by HG Tudor very interesting, when I read it a few months ago : Especially the last paragraph. The article is titled: ` Have you seen who is with`?

          1. PrincessSuperEmpath says:

            cont. So basically, it is the Narcissism, remember, that determines what source is suitable, for short, medium, and long term fuel provision, seasoned with character traits and class traits and residual benefits that fuel each and every Narcissistic. . When the fuel needs plummet, one is out of luck. And good luck trying to sit down with the Narcissism to find out exactly what went wrong in one’s narcissistic dynamic. The Narcissism does not sit down for such chats, because it is already gone and it is off and away paving and strategizing the best path for the survival of the Narcissist going forward.

  15. empath007 says:

    H.G. has this article been released yet?

    In terms of infedility… I’m seeing a lot of questions about this and had questions/comments of my own.

    I once worked with a female narc who had been with her husband for 17 years and they have 3 young kids etc. Being we only worked together whether she cheated or not… I don’t know. But to be honest I don’t think she did/does…. I would imagine her facade of the perfect family was far too important to her and if she did cheat… it would have been very hush hush.

    H.G. is a narc feels it will benefit themselves to be faithful…. I’m assuming they will do so ?

    Also are there some narcs who are more concerned about facade (such as the one I mentioned) then cheating ? Meaning they would just use other methods to gain thier fuel responses?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. cb says:

        Then either there are many many narcissist spouses who never ever get caught, through decades of marriage,

        or their husband/wife just keeps lying to friends that (s)he’s such a faithful loving spouse.

  16. Kiki says:

    HG this relationship works or if us empaths. even think it will won’t that stoke our emotional Thinking Hg and fly in the face of all the guidance you have given hete
    I just worry that some Ladies may think they can be a SM for their narc.After all if you can be cured by this woman why can’t we do the same
    It’s a like putting a flame to gas for our Et and fantasy. you said you do not change, for us to even mildly entertain this thought of SM changing you will make GOSO and no contact even harder
    Just my thoughts


    1. amanda SNapchat says:

      I agree 100% Kiki. I think that HG should get rid of SM and instead use all the energy he was investing in her to create a dating site for empaths. That can be his new side hustle and keep him entertained. HG would not date the empaths but rather provide guidance on dates etc. People would pay HG high commissions to be part of the exclusive dating space that had validated empaths and ensured there are no narcs other than HG.

      DUMP SM! DUMP SM!!!

      1. Kiki says:

        Haha ASnapchat

        That’s good.
        Seriously though I cannot entertain the SM thing.
        Of course I don’t wish her any devaluation etc poor woman she is innocent but This post has a certain dangerous smugness to it and for me contradicts all I’ve learned here.
        SM isn’t some holy goddess who has special narc curing powers she is a normal woman .For us empaths to even think she is this super woman capable of turning HG into a loving man is built on our innate love of rescuing ,fantasy etc the very thing that keeps us trapped.
        HG is showing us a golden period where we are even believing it just as we did with our own narcs.
        I cannot believe it for a moment it’s too dangerous for me.
        It’s a trigger for me anyway.
        Ex narc bday today and I’m holding strong to no contact .
        I cannot even think that there could be hope or I would be overtaken by my ET and use his bday as an excuse to contact him.
        It’s hard and I think the SM relationship makes it harder for me anyhow.
        Somehow it makes me feel are we lesser empaths or women that we can’t do what this SM seems to be able to do with our narcs.
        Not a good road to go on for my self worth .
        That’s just me though as I’m highly sensitive right now.


        1. Presque Vu says:

          It’s not about the SM being super amazing – or this or that – it’s because HG has decided to modify his behaviour. Maybe he’s learned a lot through the blog, being highly aware, in therapy, creating a legacy.

          SM may last, or she may be the first to escape his full wrath.

          As far as i’m aware – he has not shown malice to Kim – he ended it respectfully from what I’ve read. That’s a change he decided to make.

          I do not have hope for my Narc – or any other Narc because of what I have learned.
          What I see is SM (is special to HG) and he wants to modify.

          I see what you mean by she has a 7 figure salary, the perfect figure, and seems perfect in every possible way – unobtainable levels for millions of women! She’s rare – a diamond.

          But I believe – it’s not about her – it’s about him. It’s about HG.
          Like you, I thought he ruins everybody in the end – purely because of what he has taught us – and what we have learned. I believe this is now HG’s journey. His self awareness allows him choice in abusing or not abusing.

          Stay strong Kiki – it’s not an easy day for you and your ET is understandably high.

          It’s ok to feel how you feel.

        2. A Victor says:

          Kiki, I am very, very late to this conversation. I don’t know if you still come here. I am looking at this article and thread because on Ask HG episode 2 this weekend there were a couple of questions about HG’s IPPS and it piqued my curiosity.

          Having looked at HG’s IG once and seen a few other brief things on this blog, the SM situation makes me queasy. HG has stated more recently, I think, that he has cheated on every girlfriend he’s had since that initial one way back when. I assume this included SM. If not, I assume it’s because she offers some great girl or residual benefits that he does not want to jeopardize. But then, I doubt he needs the later from her. Final theory, maybe the Drs are helping him be a better man, in addition to her, though I don’t think it would be mostly because of her, it sounds like he’s had plenty of similar women. She’s probably more likely the lucky recipient of their work with him. And it remains to be seen if it will continue. We can hope it does.

          I have wondered if she is in fact aware of all of this and they work on it together. It doesn’t matter to me as we all still benefit. That’s their decision. But, this would speak to him having feelings for her, I think.

          I am curious what the duration and pattern has been in HG’s previous relationships. Several years it seems, from an article about Dr O, is not unusual.

          And, I am curious what brings about the switch to devaluation in such a seemingly perfect relationship.

          HG, if you have written more about SM and the dynamics you have with her, where can this be found? Thank you.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Search for Shieldmaiden. If you wish to understand more about my previous relationships access the Q&A Sessions (see the pass which is obtained in The Knowledge Vault) and also see my books. The information is contained throughout those places of information.

          2. A Victor says:

            HG, I just came across your answer to this, I didn’t know how everything on the blog worked in Nov. Thank you for the reply, I have already obtained the Q&A Sessions, the ones I’ve been able to read so far are very interesting, and I think almost all of your books.

  17. EmP says:

    I believe this relationship is meant to last. I think that this girl, apart from being good looking and having been blessed with a strong personality and amazing intellect, can truly keep HG interested – and is independent enough not to become needy/clingy and make her fuel become stale.
    She will keep giving sweet love while being herself and kicking ass.

    On a partially related note, I watched a VIKINGS trailer the other day and it gave me goosebumps. SHIELDWAAALLLL!! Loved it. I wish I could go back in time and join their army.
    Anyway, all the best to HG, who is very much loved, both by his girlfriend and by his loyal readers.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you EmP

    2. mommypino says:

      EmP I agree! And also the fact that HG wants to make this work for both of them already makes a huge difference. I don’t worry about Shield Maiden at all. I think that she’s blessed with a very strong sense of self aside from good looks and intellect. It would be nice to someday see who they really are.

      1. EmP says:

        Mommypino, ultimately it is up to HG. If he wants it to work, it will.
        I can’t wait to find out what triggered the shift in the dynamic however.

        PS I don’t think we will ever find out who they are!!

        1. mommypino says:

          EmP unfortunately I think you’re right. I can only imagine the possible harassments and problems that they might face if their identities are revealed. It’s not worth the trouble. HG is still making a legacy and weaponising empaths whether we know who he is or not.

        2. Hope says:

          “ultimately it is up to HG”—is it though? Remember logic here. Her needs cannot be met. He’s incapable of true intimacy, real empathy, and love as she defines it. It doesn’t matter what he does. Once she sees, she can’t unsee. Once she knows, she can’t unknow. Once she realizes she’s holding on to an empty container.. she’ll eventually come to terms with it and let go.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Really? Like so many of you have done so?

          2. Hope says:


          3. Cat says:

            Many many many empaths stay married living together with the NPD person for life. Not escaping. Suffering. Not being discarded.

            Just have a look at our parents and couples we know.

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. Kathleen says:

            True. They settle.
            They figure it’s better than being out on their own. Or they enjoy the drama Or don’t really have any depth Themselves to realize there’s more possible. Autopilot. Or unhealthy self image/esteem.

          6. Renarde says:

            This is such a tricky one. Again, it’s a relief I can finally talk about it.

            I KNOWINGLY entered into a relationship with a narc. I had a good suspicion. Which HG has finally confirmed. I can confirm that it was brilliant. I thoroughly enjoyed myself and, well it was like being in a team.

            Both sides pulling their weight, and I might say, him more than me. Which made me feel guilty. He did everything unprompted and unasked. Complete reversal of my exH. Who drove me several times into the ground with his passivity.

            H G raises an important point, wtte that WE havnt always chosen to escape when it really is being spelled out. It took me a couple of weeks to get my head around how I was going to navigate the situation. But matters came to a head and it naturally ended.

            I miss him. I miss him so much.

            So, the situation and similarities between, mine, ny exes, HG and SM are bizarre.

            I was aware when I started and he wasn’t aware. SM is presumably unaware but HG is.

            So heres a hypothetical. Suppose my ex WAS aware and one day he told me. It probably wouldn’t have ended then. However the empathic strand can never be removed. It’s highly possible that whilst not necessarily requiring love herself, the need for something more would loom. This then might have changed the way she interacts and therefore fuel output becomes diminished.

            Speculation on my part of course. And it’s very sad too.

            I’ve always said she deserves to.know the truth. I’ve had two exes, both middles say, they love in different ways. Am I not showing you support? Yes, they both did or it wouidnt have lasted for so long in either case. And both when they ended and some periods of rational behaviour and in the second, total rational behaviour.

            Make of that what you will

          7. Violetta says:

            The Devil mixes truth with his lies. So the question is, has HG shown Se Scyldmægd anything real, or is it all a mask? What about him does she love?

          8. Hope says:

            I do like your questions here.

          9. Renarde says:


            A very insightful question. I think there will have been glimpses.

            There are big red flags. For sure. But will she have seen them for what they are? None of those are behaviour based but entirely concerning the facade.

            The facade is very easy to overlook. Too easy. In a world where we are being taught look for the behaviours which naturally will unravel aspects of the facade and sometimes spectuarly, HG is different.

            The point you make about the devil and lies is intresting.

        3. A Victor says:

          EmP, I’m curious what triggered the shift in dynamic and if it can be applied to other situations.

      2. Kiki says:

        This post is emotive for me Ladies and is triggering every bit of EL

        The comments above are worrying

        This contradicts GOSO so much I can’t believe I’m reading these comments
        It’s like a setback
        If a woman is good looking intelligent with a great personality and independent then it might last with HG

        This puts the responsibility back on the victim of the narc
        If I had X Y and Z if my thighs were thinner if I had nicer boobs if I wasn’t needy etc the narc would love me and happier ever after NO NO NO
        None of that matters isn’t that what HGs principles are built on here ,dont these comments just totally fly in the face of GOSO it makes me want to contact my narc right now

        I’m sorry but GOSO is hard enough there can be no what if I was like this he would love me

        I don’t know is SM a super power over narcs or something


        1. MommyPino says:

          Kiki, what I said makes a difference is that HG wants to make it work for both of them. I have said many times that HG is the biggest factor. If SM gets entangled with a narc that is not self aware, hasn’t gone to therapy and has not decided to make pro-social efforts then no matter how perfect she is, it will never work because it’s never about her. It’s about the narcissist and what she can provide to him. In all of my posts about this I do not say that this HG and SM will definitely work. I said I hope and I think that the possibility is there. I think that her strong sense of self helps her to leave if the relationship becomes abusive.

          1. Kiki says:

            I just feel that an ounce of MAYBE is a dangerous thought and loaded with ET
            It’s not a fairytale SM rescued HG from his demons because she is X Y and Z earns a lot is independent etc

            The reason I dislike this is I believed if a woman is accommodating independent not needy etc it works
            That was my downfall
            It doesn’t matter a shit with a narc
            You could be Claudia Schiffer with Einstein’s brain
            You can’t be the fairytale

            HG is a greater
            It can’t work with him and IF it does my GOSO is done as it will contradict everything I’ve learned


          2. NarcAngel says:

            Is that what you got from my comment? If it is, I have not been clear and you have misunderstood. I will try to clarify.

          3. mommypino says:

            Hi Kiki, You are correct, none of it means anything to a narc. You can even be more beautiful, more kind, more wealthy and more intelligent than SM and you will still get devalued. Their sense of entitlement is never ending which means you can give them the world and it would still never be enough. I was just reading the Very Royal Narcissist 2 article and this is what Meghan Mariel shows. No one can ever make these people happy. They don’t do happy. The only ‘Maybe it will work’ that I have is coming from HG taking on the challenge. Maybe he is using his narcissism to drive himself to achieve this goal of being the narcissist that made it work and outwitted the nature of his disorder. That is how I’m interpreting this. And also a lot of the comments including some of mine were indeed driven by ET being excited for this new woman and excited that HG seems optimistic about this. Just like when a brother shows you his new girlfriend that he is crazy about. You want to know more about her and everything about her seems so shiny and impressive because of your excitement.

    3. Violetta says:

      They did a Shieldwall in one of the Hobbit movies. Gives you chills if you know what it is.

      1. Renarde says:

        Violetta, which one? I got very annoyed with the Hobbit series. I remember bits from all three but not in the same way I do in LOTR.

        1. Violetta says:

          The last one. The Dwarf Army:

          1. Renarde says:


            Gotcha and I dont know that one very well.

            Well I dont know tbh. Solutions present themselves but I dont have access to all the facts. Just seems like the Dwarves are running the standard Roman Army Tortoise. I feel I’m being a bit thick here and perhaps missing the obvious?

            I do know in the last few weeks I’ve picked up my own ‘dwarf’. Female. Utterly obsessed with washing clothes in the communal area. And has now become territorial about the clothes building itself. Never had this issue with the Male Poles who were usually very kind and never created these kinds of issues. Ever. We rubbed along with together. Quite fine indeed.

            It is a very female trait to become obsessed with matters of the domicile. Her PA behaviours are beginning to ware – slightly I dont like the way she screams at her dogs for example. You cannot keep dogs in such a confined space without exercising them properly. Off the lead. Once a day.

            It’s all a bit weird and very much not needed tbh. When they do speak, it’s all very defferent. Like I’m the adult and they are the children. I did get worried when the guy wanted to put in a bigger circuit breaker. I advised him no, the wiring looms will be rated and if you push that you could cause a fire. Deaf ears. But then, I have a cunt so what do I know? FFS.

            Bit of a rant. Just been quietly rubbing away at me.

            Shes tried to ingratiate herself into my space. Very quickly too. Not drawing any firm conclusions but the signs are ungood.

            I shall think more on The Hobbit.

          2. Violetta says:

            I’m not that up on fight tactics, but here’s another version:


            As one viewer commented, “The Anglo Saxon also fought in the same manner. But the Late Roman Army fought in open order…. why? Because their back lines has javelins and plumbata darts to hammer the back row of fighters in a shield wall.”

          3. Renarde says:


            Thanks for that second link. I had no idea the Sacons were fighting in that manner.

          4. Renarde says:


            A very odd and bizarre thing has just crossed my feed. A reactor group, a viking and Saxon one quite randomly popped up. And I’m going!

            Never seen an ad like that before on FB. Quite strange. Just what I need, I think.

          5. Renarde says:

            Violetta, HG

            I need help.

            I mentioned about the re-enacting group. I said I’d go but hes now started messaging me asking when, what time etc. This is the organiser.

            A big clanking bell is going off but I’m doubting myself. Surely, people just turn up, right?

  18. SMH says:

    Nunya biz, I just saw a comment on yours to me from April 1 but I cannot find it in my email so I cannot figure out how to reply. I just wanted to say thank you.

    1. nunya biz says:

      You are welcome, SMH! I enjoy your comments. I don’t remember what it was either and I can never find my past comments if I don’t keep them open for a bit.

      1. SMH says:

        Nunya Biz, I spent a lot of time searching on the comments trying to find either one of mine so I can read it again properly if someone has responded to it, or someone else’s that I want to respond to. They don’t always show up properly in my email.

        1. nunya biz says:

          Same here. I do wish wordpress would save/log a list of all comments I’ve made, but eh, I like a little uncertainty.

        2. Sweetest Perfection says:

          SMH, NB, I have the same problems. I also have problems to like people’s comments so I decided to stop trying but I’m worried I give the impression of never liking anyone’s replies. Far from reality though, I like everything and if there were hearts here, I would love comments instead.

  19. Kathleen says:

    HG Tudor
    JANUARY 5, 2017 AT 17:48
    I am indirectly linked to Parliament.

    This could mean anything. I am guessing a person who analyzes some financial aspect of the government of UK. or he could be a govt employee. Interesed in economic strategy and big picture. Thinking analytics/analyst/contributing data to written reports..

  20. Blondie says:

    HG my quesion would be, will you dare to allow yourself to form an attachment to the shieldmaiden.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Do I need to – that is the real question you should be asking.

      1. Lou says:

        This is an interesting question and answer. I personally don’t think you need to form an attachment to SM (can you anyway?), as long as you know what your part is to make the relationship work, if that is what you want. There are many kinds of attachments and I think they all involve some degree of co-dependency, which is not necessarily good, neither for the couple nor for the person with the attachment. This is a more complex subject because there must be some kind of interdependency, or at least a commitment from both parts to make it work, a commitment to the other, but also, and mainly, a commitment to oneself (especially for an empath). IMO, SM should have the same more detached approach in her relationship with you, HG. She seems to be strong and independent and that is good. I guess that is one of the reasons you thought of her as a potential partner. However, if she is an empath, she should have the facts to know the kind of attachment or the degree of detachment she needs to have with you.
        HG, you have stated before that you would try to be monogamous in your relationship with SM. Do you think you could be enough to tell her you have slept with another woman (if you ever do so)?
        I know this is a delicate question which is not easy to answer for anyone in a relationship, but I wonder if you have included this kind of honesty in your intention of having a new dynamic with her.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I see no basis for cheating on SM, I have no need to do it, therefore it will not happen.

          1. Kate W says:

            You state that you will not cheat on shieldmaiden- That is contradictory to just about all of your writings about narcissists re: their infidelity. You have several articles etc. which state that as a pretty much guaranteed trait of all narcissists.
            So are you morphing out of narcissism – Or will your writings have to be edited? Or neither?
            I have thought that about not just infidelity but about other things we’re seeing with shieldmaden as well-

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Incorrect in part.

            1. I am in the golden period. We do not cheat during the golden period, therefore to state I will not cheat on the Shieldmaiden is not contradictory.
            2. It is indeed the case that there is some form of infidelity when devaluation occurs. As I have explained many times, this is an entirely different dynamic for a variety of reasons. I do not intend to cheat, I may not ever cheat because of this different dynamic or maybe it will occur (we shall have to see).
            3. For all other narcissists my work remains correct re infidelity. You and the other readers will not meet me and have a romanitc relaitonship with me, thus the new dyanmic is applicable to me and me only for very specific reasons. Accoridngly, everything I have written remains valid to all other narcissists and THESE are the narcissists you will come across.

          3. Lou says:

            HG, could you give a rough estimate (percentage) of your former girlfriends that knew for sure you were cheating on them and stayed anyway?
            I guess most of them knew deep down but did not leave because you were messing up with their minds and they were also in denial.
            But were there a lot of them that really knew and tolerated your infidelities?

          4. HG Tudor says:

            None knew that I was cheating and stayed away.

          5. Lou says:

            So you never got home late at night smelling of soap, or sex or some other woman’s parfum to provoke a reaction from your IPPS?
            I thought that was the kind of thing you’d do but I may be mistaken.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            I have.

            The question was ‘so have any known you were cheating and not stayed’. Some suspected, they stayed. A few knew, they stayed.

          7. Lou says:

            Maybe I did not formulate my question clearly. What I wanted to know was how many knew and stayed anyway.
            I assume you did all these things with all your IPPSs. That means they all decided to lie to themselves one way or another, close their eyes and stay (except for the few that did leave). I believe you were very good at messing with their minds, but I think there was acceptance on their part too; they all decided to stay because the benefits they got from being with you were greater than the hurt of your infidelity.
            Thanks for your reply.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I already answered that question.


          9. Lou says:

            IMO, if you came home late smelling of sex, or soap or some other woman’s parfum, they knew and stayed. All of them.
            I am not judging them, HG. I can see there were many aspects playing in the situation.

          10. Omj says:

            Dear HG, Your story with Shieldmaden does plant seeds of hope in our empath’s head and heart , I should say.
            Maybe, you have and I did not come across it, put a warning out there for us ?
            I know other Narcs are not you and don’t have the good DR … So we should not start dreaming .
            Love xox

          11. HG Tudor says:

            Hello OMJ, I have issued repeated warnings about it, so much so I have grown tired of doing so.

          12. Omj says:

            Sorry then … I appreciate you took time to answer. Much love ❤️

          13. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          14. Kate W says:

            Thank you for the clarification HG. And best of luck!

          15. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

          16. Bluewave says:

            HG, do you consider writing to random women online while having IPPS some flirtarious messages like “You are so beautiful, I’d love to meet you in person” a form of cheating? Is it something a narcissist who is in Golden Period with his IPPS wouldn’t typically do? Would you do it in GP with the SM??

          17. HG Tudor says:

            1. Yes.
            2. Correct.
            3. No.

          18. Kiki says:

            All narcs cheat HG one of your fundamental rules ?..

          19. HG Tudor says:

            When devaluation occurs. As I have always explained

      2. Leanne says:

        “Blondie, on April 4, 2019 at 20:06
        HG my quesion would be, will you dare to allow yourself to form an attachment to the shieldmaiden.”

        HG Tudor on April 10, 2019 at 20:31
        Do I need to – that is the real question you should be asking.”

        >>> I think the question should be- Do you want to?

        1. K says:

          I don’t think he is capable of it.

  21. Sniglet says:

    I saw the photos on KTN Instagram without creating an account. The photos appear to be of romantic dinners and romantic scenery, some travel too. I will make a prediction. Since SM is substantially younger than HG and good looking and has some kind of celebrity potential via professional work the dynamic may work (for a while) because that is what a narcissist craves. A strong independent successful woman in the public eye. HG analysed his future potential of landing someone like the SM with possibilities getting lower with age so he has no choice but to settle. Not only settle but use that union as revenge against his family and in the eyes of the law trying to prove he is a changed man. It is a plan that will benefit him from different angles – including on an intimate level and his grand design. SM will unknowingly act as his accessory to his plan. I give HG 4 years with SM together dating + married before he cheats on her and I’m being generous. Just my intuition. Thought? Have at it.

    1. jenna says:


      Shieldmaiden as an ‘accessory’ to his plan. Ooh, I never thought of that! The plot thickens! This is better than reality TV (which I do not watch because why would I want to keep up with the Kardashians?). This on the other hand is Hg, someone we know, so we want to keep up! Also, it advances our knowledge about narcissism. It’s like taking a field course at Tudor University. And the SM remains anonymous so I don’t feel like I am being intrusive into her very private life. As long as Hg doesn’t answer the very personal questions that have been asked about her, and only answers the questions that are relevant to him. That is just my opinion though, and others have every right to have a different opinion! I agree Sniglet. Hg will definitely get bored and cheat, after a few years. But who knows maybe if by then he decides to consciously change? He would have to fight against his natural tendencies, but being a greater, I think he has the ability to do it. The question is, will he have enough internal motivation to do it?

      1. Sniglet says:


        I agree that HG should not divulge too much personal information about any woman he is dating like name, where she lives, date of birth – where people can track her down.

        Going back to his first marriage, HG wrote words to the effect of that one reason he married was because it was good for his career and reputation. Is this new relationship the same? Yes but add lust to it. HG talks of the ‘dynamic’ being different. For me the word dynamic alone, in connection with HG, conjures up thoughts of an engineering or science project. Something mechanical. Hardly warm and fuzzy to the soul when talking about relationships.

        People don’t typically describe their relationship numerous times as differently dynamic from previous affairs… something unsettling about that. HG is not yet internally and emotionally open. As expected since he is a narc. He is going through the dating and lusting motions. In many instances I focus more on what he does not write rather than what he writes. What he leaves out is carefully planned and unwritten.

  22. Renarde says:

    Yeah, the mysterious SM.

    I’m basing what I have to say next on the premise that the SM does not know about the forthcoming article. If she does and has consented – all good.

    I could be wrong but I don’t think she does. In that sense, this is just wrong.

    Like HG, I have rules. My first rule is that if I perceive someone to be a narc then I know already that they will have hurt people, massively. In that respect then if I say and publish things freely I do because I perceive a N as ‘fair game’.

    But this isn’t a narc; she’s an empath.

    If she does not know that she is being written about – then it’s wrong. And such detailed questions too? It’s wrong and I am really very surprised that people are being dragged into this.

    How many of the commentators have actually been written about on the internet in a personal and private way? It’s probably not a lot but I have. Although I came out of it well, it was still a massive shock and an invasion of my privacy to boot.

    I really am surprised that a lot of you cannot see this? Or am I being daft?

    1. Wissh says:

      No, I don’t think you’re being daft. However, we not only don’t know SM, we don’t even know HG. They’re just figments of our imaginations. As such I assume anything’s fair game, we’ve certainly asked him all sorts of personal things. Sometimes he answers, sometimes he doesn’t. I assume he’ll do the same with questions re: SM.

    2. SMH says:

      Renarde, That is just about the only thing that I asked as I also find it disturbing that he is writing about her on here and on IG. I think my only other question was whether she knew about his narcissism.

      1. Renarde says:

        I’m in agreement with you SMH and I did see your comment as well. HG is free to do as he pleases but as I share the same school and cadre I have an affinity for her.

  23. Bubbles 🍾 says:

    Dear Mr Tudor,

    You’re latest book from IKEA … “Puzzled”
    Luv Bubbles xx 😘

    1. SMH says:

      Good one, Bubbles!

      1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

        Dear SMH,
        Shanks gorgeous … I just couldn’t resist 🤣
        It’s the only store one can make fun of
        Luv Bubbles xx 😘

        1. SMH says:

          So true, Bubbles, though there is Walmart in the US. There’s a website called ‘people of Walmart.’ Check it out for some laughs. Of course it is the people not the store itself, though they are drawn there. xx

          1. Bubbles 🍾 says:

            Dear SMH,
            Thanks beautiful
            Luv Bubbles xx 😘

  24. Geminimom says:

    Is the SM into real estate and the ikea trip was to buy staging props for her new listing?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Aren’t you the clever one?!

  25. Jaclyn says:

    Does she have any pets? If so, what kind and how many? How many more years younger than you is she? Does she know you don’t want kids? Does she want kids? Has she ever been married before? If so, how many times?

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