Skjoldmø – The Shieldmaiden


You know of The Shieldmaiden 

Shortly you shall have the chance to learn more about her and my dynamic with her

In readiness for this, here is your opportunity to ask in the comments section all the questions you wish for my consideration in preparation to then answer you with the forthcoming article about The Shieldmaiden




  1. Okay, I’ll take the bait and join in the speculations about SM.

    Sooo… if this lady has genuine feelings and she is led to believe that the love she feels is mutual, led to believe that she is being loved back, that is deception right?

    What happens when she finds out about that deception? We know that, sooner or later, that mirror with the perfect image is going to shatter and reveal what is hidden behind the mask: cold, calculated machinations to suck dry her heart and soul. Imagine the devastation when you discover that you have been conned to open your heart and to empty your pure love and affection into a bottomless void?
    Oh wait, no need to stretch the imagination, we all know firsthand the devastation that comes from having your trust shattered by a con artist who doesn`t know how to love.

    Sorry HG, you may be infatuated with this lady and feel elated by the success of your seduction, but the bottom line is: you do not love her. I realize I may already be trespassing your rules in saying this to you but whatever your needs are, do the decent thing and do not con this lady into thinking you reciprocate her love. Most narcissist cannot choose their behavior but as a self aware narc you can. Noblesse oblige.

  2. Hmmm. And depends on which definition of bendy wendy you use. Looks like there are several :)

  3. HG has revealed that his girlfriend The Shieldmaiden is a Magnet Empath… and also tall, blonde, thin, has her own money, etc etc. I wonder, could it be Sofie Quidenus-Wahlforss? She really is accomplished and seems to fit in so many respects. If it’s not her, she would certainly make a great target!!

    Now I know why Tinkerbell hates Wendy so much! 😂💜 #fangirl #adoration #jealous

    1. Hey Jules,
      I agree Sofie Quidenus-Wahlforss is really awesome and could very well by a Magnet SE. But she is Austrian whereas the SM is Norwegian and her Name apparently starts with L

      1. strongerwendyme
        Hi Wendy, I’m assuming that the gravatar is a photo of you, and wanted to say that you look lovely. Your hair looks great.

          1. strongerwendyme
            You’re welcome! A good hair day is a pleasure that deserves to be shared.

  4. When can we expect the long awaited article about your new ‘dynamic’ with the woman unfortunate enough to put her trust in you; Shield Maiden? I assume it will be as a script to accompany the side show that is your instagram account (which I do not follow, by the way). A fishbowl view into a Greater Elite Narcissistic ‘golden period’. A depiction of an unwitting participant and an unsuspecting victim. Do you share your relationship so your followers can watch it fail, or watch it succeed? Do you think Shield Maiden will be troubled when she learns about her surreptitious involvement? Or is she aware of who and what you are, and of your instagram account? It is my opinion that she will be troubled; and that involving her unknowingly is morally wrong. Would you say that my opinions are ill founded, or well founded?

  5. I understand it wouldn’t be educational for us to learn about a relationship where you would fall for a girl not so rich and not so young,

    but you like her so much that you adjust and adopt her lifestyle because she’s worth it and is interesting. You would accept much less convenient days for the rest of your life.

    Such instagram pictures would give readers false hope “I Can convert a narcissist into someone less shallow”

    1. db: Remember some Narcissistic men are outrageously jealous and do not want a woman that attracts attention. Others want a woman that is like a mother, and looks a little matronly, and takes care of them. Still some others want the woman to be a stunner of all stunners, and then will drop her as soon as a more stunning one comes along. Some want women with wealth, while others want women that are dependant on them completely. An elite will want the highest qualities of intelligence and beauty and class traits and residual benefits when possible, and still will dabble with sources without those qualities when he has to. For fuel. But, all those character traits and class traits and residual benefits mean nothing to the Narcissist if his fuel needs plummet Someone will be always be providing fuel based on the school and cadre of the Narcissist. And if the Narcissism decides the source no longer is providing the necessary fuel, the source is going to be devalued, no matter how perfectly others view the source. The Narcissism selects the source for the fuel the Narcissist needs. Whether or not an outside viewer understands, is envious, is incredulous, is puzzled, is curious, is happy, or is sad about it. The Narcissism does not care how outsiders view the entanglement as long as the outsiders can not stop the fuel nor harm the image of the Narcissist, if image is important for that particular Narcissist. We have not seen every source that HG has entangled with, but I would not be surprised at all to see some interesting surprises.

  6. What makes her a Shield Maiden? Is it through no reaction to Silent Treatments, Triangulation or Gaslighting?

    1. She has not yet received such treatment because she is still in the Golden Period. As for why HG gave her that nickname, I think his exact word where “because she’s strong, beautiful and takes no shit.” also because she’s scandinavian.

  7. Dear Hg
    I do appreciate you replying
    It was a silly thing maybe I’m hormonal and hyper sensitive right now
    Don’t get me wrong I adore your blog and read excerpts from your books daily
    I’m finding GOSO difficult right now and I notice I’m picking up things in a very sensitive manner that of course is not your problem

    Ok it was a silly comment about foot size I’m embarrassed admitting this but it did sting

    On instagram I commented I could tell SM was tall due to her feet ,the taller a person the longer the foot for balance
    That was not meant to be derogatory at all it’s just fact
    I dance ballet and feet are something I notice in everyone it’s engrained.
    Anyway you commented good observation
    I mentioned something similar here and you said she actually has very small feet for her height
    If so I would not have observed she is tall
    It was the way I picked it up I suppose or the tone I picked up incorrectly, it sounded sharp . I felt maybe you thought I I was being insulting towards SM and I really wasn’t

    Anyway yes it’s silly I’m too sensitive but I just wanted to get it out

    Thank you Hg


    1. You are welcome to articulate yourself Kiki and I know you are a sensible reader.

      My comment on IG complimented your observation that she was tall. It did not compliment the observation re length of foot, although I can understand how you would have taken it to cover both observations. I did not regard it as derogatory.
      I did state she has very small feet for her height, she has. It was not stated sharp, it was succinct. Keep in mind I have many calls on my attention, so I aim to be succinct where I can (so I can address more of people’s queries etc) and if that means I come across as sharp in the mind of the reader, from time to time, so be it.

      1. Thank you HG I know I was too sensitive I apologise for being a twat about something so small and stupid
        It is prob the way I perceived it at the time
        I really appreciate you responding and I do know that misunderstandings occur , it was my misunderstanding not yours

        Thank you again I do love this blog and was worried I had insulted SM in your eyes and that bothered me because I really like the blog etc I know you are super busy with the blog and I just over reacted

        Thank you again HG

        Kiki 😊

          1. You have been patient and gracious to me, too,
            despite all of my inappropriate past behavior.

            How can I not adore you?

            You have been kinder to me than my so-called “friends”,
            though I have treated you rather brutal, and harsh.

            How can I not admire you?

            I mean, God & Jesus come first, and then my family… but, then you! This might enrage you. Or, perhaps I’m not important enough for it to infuriate you. But, in my life, this means a LOT that I think that much of you.

            See, NO ONE can come before God & Jesus. NO ONE, nor my blessed family!

        1. Kiki sweetie,
          If we lived in the same hemisphere, we’d all be going out for a drink/coffee/cake/curry…whatever would be enjoyable and cheer you up.

          I can see that you’re struggling a bit this week.
          Some of HG’s articles about mid-rangers have made me want to cry today, as certain memories came up.

          Don’t look at HG’s IG if you’re finding it’s upsetting you.
          That’s ok.

          I need more comedy in my life at the moment, and I’ve recently discovered “This Country”(young people in rural UK) and Irish comedy “The Young Offenders”. The first has more
          N-characters in it than the second.
          They’re both social satire.

          Have you seen them?

          I also discovered “Odd Mom Out” this week, which is hilarious, and blends NY Jewish comedy with N-shenanigans….

          As one shallow, self-absorbed woman says: (referencing the tree falling in the forest and no one being there to hear)
          “If a model owns a bag, but doesn’t take a photo of it and post it on Instagram, does it really exist?”….

          Can you go for a long walk?
          Have a bubble bath?
          Pat some cute furry creatures?
          Have some sleep?

          I hope that you feel better soon.

          Caroline R (Australia)

          1. Awwh thank you Caroline
            Yes that would be great a team of empaths going for coffee 😊
            Yes you are right , I feel a bit silly , my ET always sky rockets when I’m hormonal.Damn female hormones.

            I do enjoy the Instagram videos though I keep thinking we might get a peek at HG hahaa and hearing him talk

            Don’t that was him rummaging under the table in one vid he was taking the video

            Thank you You are a Sweetheart ❤️


          2. NarcAngel
            Well spotted.
            There IS a beautiful ballerina in that tiny picture.

            Kiki, is that you in the photo?
            I love dance too, but I didn’t do ballet.
            How long did you study dance for?

          3. NarcAngel
            I’ve been watching ‘Schitts Creek’ recently.
            It’s hilarious.

            David and Alexis are fighting over who gets what bed in the motel room:
            Alexis: “no, YOU take the bed closest to the door…. YOU get murdered for a change”


      2. I have small feet, but I am petite. I took ballet, and loved it. I am proportionate. Because I am petite, I can easily hide and cannot be found, not even by Sociopaths.

        I also am able to quietly sneak up on people, which I don’t intend to do; it just happens, and it startles them because I am so quiet. People can also pick me up easily, and swing me around.

        Now, enough about me, what about you? (Just kidding… I know you are a mystery for the most part).

  8. Does she have a favorite shampoo and conditioner? Does she wear sunscreen, and if so, what SPF is it?

  9. Perhaps she will learn all about who you, HG Tudor, really are, and you two will both write articles and answer commenters. Or, she will open up her own blog, called: Knowing The Narcissist’s Wife. Sam Vaknin is said to have a wife. I am not sure how that works, though. His relationship with his wife would make it almost seem like such a connection could actually work. So, it’s really confusing.

      1. Thank you, HG. I appreciate this answer because it helps me to get it out of my system that “it could possibly work”.

        I do not understand the dynamics between Vaknin and his wife, but I believe your answer when you say “it does not work”.

        This helps me to move on. So, I am grateful for your response.

    1. I used to follow SV on IG. It was apparent several months ago from his posts that his wife had cheated on him (his words) and they were not together. I stopped following him when I realized he was removing all comments but the ones that were positive about him. I even commented about the disappearing comments. (He removed my comment.). I suspect he has some other comorbid stuff going on in addition to his narcissism. At the very least, he has zero charm. I gave him a chance. I thought I could learn something from him. He mocked me in one comment and then removed another. Yes, I learned something. He’s an asshole. I’m done with SV. HG is the only narc for me. He is knowledgeable as well as charming, gracious, and polite.

      1. Thank you, MB. I did not know this about Vaknin, nor his wife. At one time, I was thinking of ordering Vaknin’s book, but now I will not do so if he is going to be rude.

        1. Believer, please don’t base any decision you make based off my opinion. Research it for yourself. His work is very different from HGs though. Much more clinical.

          1. MB,

            It’s okay. I’ll just stick with HG. He is more than enough Narcissist for me.

  10. Ok I’ve said enough on this now
    I no longer believe in the fairytale and hope I refuse to entertain it as it is EL that’s all


  11. Ok all does this make me wrong a narcissist or odd
    I’m being very honest but I couldn’t give a hoot about SM as I have zero connection with her in any way At the moment all I see is a blonde woman having a great time jetting around the world I simply can’t feel anything
    No I’m not envious ok maybe a smidge but I just don’t feel sorry for her at all
    At this very moment there are millions of women in horrific abusive relationships I can empathise there but I simply can’t with
    There is nothing to empathise with right now unless having a great is


    1. I know my above comment sounds awful maybe I am a bit jealous who wouldn’t be , SM is getting to see such beautiful places ,fine dining etc I can’t see any narc carry on I know it’s the golden period but I keep looking at the pics and it makes me a bit depressed when I compare my own love life which is dismal right now 😞
      I think I’ll have to stop



      1. Kiki, I didn’t think it sounded awful, when I read posted comments I often think it is ONE part of what a person is feeling in that moment. It isn’t the totality, which is more hued and shaded and subject to other dynamics. You are allowed to feel 1000 different things or change them into different feelings in ten minutes or feel selfish sometimes! Time for some Kiki love probably, I have to integrate those things into my life right now myself : )

      2. This is not directed at you specifically Kiki, I’ve just been thinking about it and it follows your comment. I see many people (here and on I.G) making mention of SM seeing beautiful places, enjoying fine dining, receiving gifts, and it seems that they are assuming that this is all only possible because she is with HG. From his description of her, she is a beautiful and accomplished woman with over a six figure income herself and no Eliza Doolittle. I assume she has enjoyed these things previously and will continue to do so if things were not to work out. That she enjoys them in the company of HG makes it different of course, and yes we all love a gift, but I’m sure she would enjoy nice things regardless her involvement with HG or anyone else. Yes, if things didn’t work out she will be hurt as would anyone, but let’s remember that she is a Super Empath so she has higher narc traits, she is not dependant on anyone for money, and she has no children (at least currently). Just those three things would put her in a better situation than most and see her through. I don’t see her pining away for long or throwing herself off a bridge like I imagine some are thinking. That may be a case of us projecting our ordinary lives onto her and not a realistic portrait of who she really is at all.

        1. NA, as always, the voice of reason. You are correct. Narcs aren’t the only ones that can project. I needed to hear your logic. My ET has been high on this subject today for no good reason at all!

          1. Ah MB! I do hope that through this site you learn to love yourself exactly as you are. You seem like a truly wonderful person and should never doubt that.

            I do feel fortunate that it comes pretty naturally for me to not compare myself to others. I do of course recognise there are those who are wealthier, more attractive and the rest. No matter who you are (unless you’re HG) that will always be the case.

            But I recognise it in a healthy way, I feel no need to compete with anyone and I’m quite capable of recognising my own acheivements within my own capabilites and that there are certain things my personality is not capable of and never will be which I am also accepting of. yes I strive to acheive where I can and can be endless relentless in doing so at times, but I wouldn’t flog a dead horse so to speak.

            I remember an Irish comedian (there’s a bit of a theme with me and comedians I think hahah), Dylan Moran, he was talking about age and that when you get to 40 everything becomes about acceptance or denial. I apply that to everything in life pretty much! hahah It helps to maintain the equilibrium

            The only time I’ve truly felt extreme envy is when the N prompted this in me through his triangulation. And if that is how people feel and what he probably feels on a daily basis through his envy of others, I can honestly say, it must be a living hell! It lasted for some months but I went back to my baseline pretty quickly. And if that is what Ns in general experience then I understand their need (not condone) for fuel.

            I have many N traits but thank god that is not one which is particularly strong for me. And when it comes, it is pretty fleeting. I would never want to experience how the N made me feel ever again.

            Don’t allow anyone to project onto you MB. You are a beautiful, wonderful person and do not to deserve to absorb anything they do not want to feel themselves.

        2. NA: “she is a beautiful and accomplished woman with over a six figure income herself and no Eliza Doolittle” good point!!!

          1. I can’t believe so many smart and thoughtful people on here are envious of SM or even look at IG. I honestly hope SM cares about more than money and handbags so that I can respect her, HG. Even you are helping people. What does SM do to make the world a better place? Do you have any respect for her, HG, or are you just happy that she is a very well functioning appliance and you can show her off to your friends?

          2. So HG I have a collection of random thoughts. I’m being entirely transparent. I don’t know who you are nor will I ask. You could tell me—I probably would not even look you up until I got around to it later in the day. My only concern has been that when you do reveal your identity that you aren’t totally ridiculous because of me referring your work. Like horrible crimes, look like a complete doofus, etc. (is doofus a word?) Like if you look like Shrek for instance!
            That is all. Truly. You could tell
            me who you are. I would never tell even my dog. The work is valuable—that is the life saver for me. My gratitude is unable to be measured. Period. Regarding you having a girlfriend. My hope is this—that if your story is as you present it.. That you see value in not hurting good people. It’s that simple. Hurt douche bags, there are plenty of them. Questions about your lady friend are whether or not you would have children (somehow), pets together, and whether you believe she has been previously ensnared. I don’t care what she earns, although I understand there would be a correlation of pride associated with ensnaring a smart, successful woman. I’ve been ensnared by money (to an extent) in the past but it is not a huge thing for me (it was attractive then—being honest) so financials are nice but I don’t get off on “look at this” in what I think may be a similar way. Correct me if I’m wrong. I only ask about pets because you have joked about not wanting to clean up after them but would you be that domesticated? Kids.. You are older so having them seems unlikely. I know you are my age or older. I just want you to have peace regardless of who or what you are and for those in your inner circle to have the harmony you provide us. Have a good night.

          3. With all due respect
            So what !
            does this make a woman immune to a narcs manipulation or somehow stronger there are many beautiful wealthy women in the world does that make them stronger
            No way !
            This is NOT logic but EL
            If that was the case there would be no need for GOSO at all we could all ,well the beautiful well off posters anyway could deal with their narcs and possibly heal them
            Does anyone see my point 😞

          4. You’re absolutely right, Kiki. I think what NA was saying though, which is what I found important to point out, is not so much that she’s wealthy but that she has her own achievements. She was reminding to those people that comment on how lucky SM is that she’s been taken for trips etc that she probably can do by herself too given that she’s a successful woman, not just because she is with HG. Of course being beautiful, rich, successful, doesn’t make you inmune to narcissists, that’s not what was expressed there in my opinion.

          5. SweetP
            Exactly. Many of the comments about SM being so lucky re: gifts and trips etc piss me the fuck off. She is not a charity case. Women do not have to depend on men to experience nice things. Also the comments about her being beautiful, brilliant, etc. I’m sure she is, but they can’t even really see her! She could have 3 eyes in her forehead. We see a tank top and one skirt and she has excellent taste. Taste is individual. WTF?! I know she doesn’t have 3 eyes HG, and no doubt the other things you assert, I’m just pointing out that we have no real evidence except your assertion, and as I have pointed out before, you would have said those things about all of your exes at one point also. The rest is all empath emotional thinking and projection. Ridiculous. She is flesh and bone and no better than anyone else here EXCEPT IN HG’S EYES.

          6. NA, your self esteem is enviable. I don’t know how you’ve been through the hell that you describe and have come out on the other side as strong as you are.

            The envy toward the SM is nothing more than a feeling of being less than. A feeling that I am all too familiar with.

          7. I’m not very happy with the way I expressed myself in my previous comment, I apologize. I don’t want to give the impression I said I am different because I don’t put up with the BS for long. What I tried to say is that because my self esteem is healthy, I have been able to identify a good relationship from a piece of abusive shit very quickly, but the pain when you realize you’ve been fooled, when you discover the person is not who you thought etc still remains and the self esteem doesn’t make you immune to being fooled again. I hope that sounds more articulate, I’m not better than anyone here.

          8. SP, no worries. I didn’t take it that way at all. I didn’t read anything into your comment that wasn’t there. If I ever feel “less than” because what is said here or IRL, that is a matter for me. You need not worry for my own self flagellation. It’s obvious you have copious amounts of self esteem. I admire that. You should be proud. It is a wonderful thing. After HG, I’m fairly sure I won’t be fooled again either.

          9. NA, I agree with you in everything. MB, I do have a very good self esteem and still have been targeted by narcissists. In my case the difference is that I don’t put up with the shit for very long, but I am still a target.

          10. SP and MB, I also have very high self esteem (and high narc traits, of course) and I have also been targeted twice in a row. It won’t happen again now that I have found HG but my self-absorption, egoism, self-esteem, whatever you want to call it, did not save me. I think this must be because narcs latch onto empathic traits. They don’t care if you have low, medium or high esteem. You are not ‘less than,’ MB. You are actually MORE than – more empathic than the norm.

          11. SMH, thank you. Attachment is be the seat of misery for HG. Comparison is the seat of misery for me.

          12. Aww MB, Never compare yourself to anyone!! Maybe HG can help some of us to develop healthy narcissistic traits. I think I have enough (I fear I am teetering on the verge of narcdom) but I think a few more would be good for you!

          13. SMH, thank you. I try not to compare myself to others, but it is a weakness. I come up short and feel miserable and stuck in a state of lack and self loathing.

            HG stated that he could help me with self worth issues through consultation, but I don’t think it had anything to do with teaching me the ways of narcdom :)

          14. MB, Any way that HG can help will be great! And if you need help from us, we can help too. Do you know what led to your feelings of low self-worth?

          15. SMH, there have many here that have been helpful. I’ve done a lot of work on my own with toxic shame too. Finding HGs work and Narcsite has been just as much of an exercise in learning about myself as learning about narcissists. It has been an unintended yet serendipitous consequence.

            As much as I’ve been able to ascertain, my low self worth stems from being “abandoned” at a critical time in my development when my next sibling was born. Also being absorbed into a large family with little resources. My childhood experience was that of being a burden, not valued. I’ve also recently accepted the fact that my father is a narcissist and my mother co-dependent. She was more like one of us children when it came to being an owned appliance rather than a human being. She couldn’t stand up for herself, much less for us.

            My personality was formed during that time. I can see logically that none of what I bought into was true, but the FEELING is still there. I can feel the dull feelings of shame, worthlessness and rejection in my gut all the time if I look there. (Like now) But when it is “jabbed” as HG says, (by a shaming experience or a shaming memory) it is very painful emotionally and takes the air out of me like a punch in the gut squarely where it always hurts. HG says I don’t know wounding since I’m not a narcissist, but I feel sure this is the closest I can come to knowing what that is. I don’t lash out at others though, I lash out at myself.

          16. But not by us. You will never be rejected by us. At least not by me. Rise and shine, dear MB.

          17. Thank you Sweet P! Please don’t think I’m looking for pity or sympathy. I’m just trying to make sense of life the best I can. I have been far from abused. If my story resonates with anybody and can help them, I’m happy to share.

          18. MB,

            Are you close to any of your siblings? Have you ever discussed your upbringing with them? I realized from this site that I have a Matrinarc. She triangulated her children all the time. She would talk about one of us behind our back to the others; she would always have one ‘in’ and one on the ‘outs.’ As an adult, she would always take the opportunity to tell one of my partners that I was crazy. Sometimes I wouldn’t find out for ages until something went wrong, and then the partner would say ‘your mother told me you were crazy.’ My father has referred to me as the ‘black sheep.’ No idea why since we are all fucked up.

            So that is part of my story. It has really helped me to understand myself. Doesn’t mean I handle the dynamics any better IRL but when I wonder about things I do and how I am, it helps to not blame myself but also own my choices.

            Maybe there is a clue in similar dynamics to your low feelings of self worth and maybe HG can help you to sort that out?

          19. SMH, I am close to my siblings. We discuss our upbringing sometimes, but not in a serious way usually.

          20. MB, We never really did either until recently. I don’t know about the others but it’s been helpful for me.

          21. MB

            Your beautiful, everything that makes you who you are can not be compared to anyone. I understand it is the way you feel and at times see yourself due to what others have placed upon you, it just isn’t truth of what is.

          22. Kiki
            No. Those attributes will not tame him. I pointed them out because they may assist her if/when (depending on individual belief) it doesn’t work out. Not that they make her any better or important than any other woman here. The narcissist has to believe that. We don’t.

          1. They have narcissistic traits (like all people) but they are stronger and more numerous.

          2. Well THAT explains a lot… Unable to lie, yet great at acting; ability to feel fuel (and like it), need to control situations (to keep things calm, for good not evil), ability to dissociate from negative situations, yet forgive everything like it never happened, and ignore inflammatory remarks bc I don’t believe them (or that the angry person does, they lash out to get a reaction, but don’t FEEL the mean words)… I keep doubting my empathic side, bc the narc traits are there, but not full-blown.

          3. I witnessed a couple years ago two elites one definitely a narc the other who i think is a super empath but still confused at times and wonder if possibly also a narc go thru a break up. Both make 7 figures easily and their own businesses. Both had new partners right away which leads me to suspect if the relationship was on the rocks for a long while. For privacy purposes i wont go into specifics but the super empath did not fall to pieces. Im sure she was hurt but she never relied heavily on him. They were equal partners. In fact id even say he relied more on her. She makes way more money than him! She was constantly giving him things like furniture when he could more than afford to buy truckloads of high end furnishings. The nature of their now partners is very intertwined. I have incredible respect for her! Ive learned a lot from observing her experiences. What stands out is that she never relied on him for anything! They never lived together either. Independance definitely helps and especially financial.
            I suspect SM is a lot like this super empath i speak of. I think once devalument starts she will persevere for awhile then disengage. I do think she would be the type of woman if she finds out she was on IG will seek legal action. When youre this successful you are well connected with lawyers and protected. She will be concerned with her career and privacy. HG hasnt posted her face as far as i know but there are other personal pics of them doing things etc and this i think would be a big no no in her eyes with her professional reputation as well as her personal privacy.
            When i think of SM i feel i somewhat know her firsthand thru this super empath and she will not crumble once the relationship ends …not at all. She will hurt but keep it to herself. Her narc qualities and independance will protect her from being completely broken. She has a successful career, her own money and friends and…freedom.
            The super empath i speak of has moved on quick. New boyfriend and exciting future plans SHE made happen not the ex narc. Its been about 2 yrs now and both seem happy. I do think once her exes relationship unravels he will be back sniffing around but i also know she will never take him back bc to do so would tarnish her professional image. Its not even a possibility.

          4. HG, from what you’ve written about SE’s previously, they take more work to ensnare (a challenge, which you like), but once they feel you deserve their empathy and trust they gush with high level fuel for you.

            When devaluation starts they have “the same empathic traits of others on the empathic spectrum, but again being made of sterner stuff, their descent towards numbness and malfunction is far slower than that of the empath. The Super Empath will keep providing the fuel but deteriorates at a slower rate.”

            They have the potential to last longer without breaking/malfunctioning. They can take mistreatment longer than other empaths.

            There is also the risk that their awareness of being mistreated will make them walk away. A tricky balance of risk and reward that some narcs relish.

          5. The narc/empath relationship can’t be successful/positive forever.

            HG teaches us to see the narc red-flags. It doesn’t prevent the polar attraction. The majority of narcs cannot see what they are. This can be used (to some degree) to control the relationship. HG’s insights make narc-responses fairly predictable.

            It’s weird: an elite narcissist knows what he is, and can push an empath’s buttons to control them. We can do the same to a narc who cannot see themselves for what they are. The narc reaction is less predictable bc their worldview is so contradictory and hypocritical (whatever serves self).

            Narc engagement is fun for awhile (brain candy), but there WILL be an ugly end. Both personality types thrive (mentally) on emotional adrenaline. Relationships explode, but we all keep pushing the adrenaline-fix button.

        3. NarcAngel
          Well said.

          If HG starts treating her badly, she will of course try to understand what’s happening, and try to sort it out, but she won’t stay much longer.
          Her self-respect won’t allow her to continue to be ridden roughshod over, even if she doesn’t understand why he’s changed so much.

          If he starts devaluation, he pulls the trigger on his own inevitable discard.
          She’ll be pulled back in by the IGH, and maybe one more false-contrition Hoover, but that’ll be the end.

          Not being listened to?
          Not respected?
          Cheated on?
          Nothing resolved?
          SM walks…..

          She can’t risk being utterly shattered and needing time off work to recover from it. She possibly experienced that in her early 20s already.

          It would be unbearable for her if she had to keep seeing HG at work, so she’s not going to allow him to shatter her from the perspective of her career either.

          I imagine that SM gave thought to these things before they moved in together.
          She has some life experience, and knows how to manage her life and finances, and achieve her goals.

          We don’t know what her romantic history has been, how close she is in her understanding of NPD, what other books she has on her shelf. Who knows?

          She would have men hitting on her all the time, so she won’t be lonely for new attention. She has a lot of career responsibilities that demand her time and attention.
          She has some great job perqs, as per HG’s IG.
          She can buy her own shoulder bags, and Tiffany items.
          It makes it easier to walk away.

          1. I’m liking this shift. Logic is beginning to prevail over emotion. I feel better already.

          2. HG
            Thank you for all your hard work for us here.
            I noticed that you edited my comment, removing a reference to a well respected book.
            My reference to it supports your literary integrity, it doesn’t compete with it.

          3. This projection and not logic at all How do you know this ?
            Why can’t we all do this then I’m sure there are posters here that have all of the above
            Why are we here in the first place it’s like everything HG has taught has gone flying out the window
            There are no exceptions
            SM won’t be an exception because if she is everything I’ve learned here was a waste


          4. Hi CIR,

            Just my opinion: It doesn’t matter how beautiful you are, how smart you are, how much self-respect you have, if you make seven figures, what your title in your career is or what your career responsibilities are, if you have men hitting on you all the time, if you’ve been ensnared and shattered by a narc previously and felt you learned from that, if you can buy your own Hermes purse, whether you are a super empath, a standard empath or any variety of cadre –

            All can be devastated equally by a narcissistic relationship.

            Also just my opinion: If HG ever pulls the trigger on devaluation in this relationship or any relationship he has had or will be in (which would be precipitated by him feeling that the fuel wasn’t where he needed it to be anymore) he would make the calculated decision to do so having considered all the consequences, angles and outcomes that could come from that beforehand and would have contingency plans in place to ensure his fuel supply is not at risk.

        4. I see your point Narc Angel thinking more on it the below is really what’s bothering me

          I have to stop with the Instagram though it hurts
          Why I think SM is being portrayed as this mystical fairytale figure who could heal HG from his narcissism
          When posters comment about great she is beautiful wealthy accomplished and with narc traits to deal with HG it makes it worse and kind of invalidates my own experience and many of the stories here
          I have nothing against a beautiful accomplished woman by the way
          It is the portrayal that these things can possibly tame HG is what makes me mad
          It EL in its highest form for me
          Already us women are fed the fairytale from young if you keep pretty and do this do that you are worthy of a man or a narc you can heal him
          My point is if we believe for a second that SM can heal HG we may as well forget GOSO the EL is very strong still it won’t work for me anyway

          1. Kiki, I hear you. I am disturbed at the way posters on here are displaying envy of SM. Honestly, who cares what she looks like or how much money she has. I want to know if she has a soul. Actually, I am not interested in SM at all because HG has not said one thing about her that makes her an interesting person. At least nothing I have read. Maybe she is fascinating but because HG does not paint a full picture of her, she does not hold my interest. Not even sure why I am on this post. But oh well.

        5. NA, I always like your thoughts!
          I have a question for everyone… Is there anyone here who actually believes HG has not cheated on SM yet? I relistened (did I spell that correct?) to interviews with HG today, where he states with no doubt that he is a psychopath (his own words). What is the number one thing that comes in mind when I hear the word psychopath (my father is one so believe me, I know): pathological lying.

          They lie about everything. Even when you think: who on earth would lie about this, it is so obvious you make this up or it is not true, even then, no problem, everything is a lie.

          Is there anyone here who actually believes HG would make: a post to all, saying: “I’m sorry all, I cheated on the SM, and I’m sorry I disappointed you all”… Ha ha ha
          And if he does, that’s a lie also…

          There is 1 thing all psychopaths seem to forget when interacting with us: we notice when they are lying!!
          I have unmasked all psychopaths because of the pathological lying. We notice small things that are not correct, facial expressions that don’t match with the message, or the timing of the message doesn’t make sense, or, very important one: they use the wrong emoji’s… They seem to not understand which facial expression of the emoji fits with the message (because ofcourse they mimic normal emotions, so they don’t experience them themselves)
          So make no mistake: the SM will unmask HG because of the pathological lying. And she doesn’t need this website to do so. Before I discovered this website, I unmasked all the psychopaths in my life, using what I learned in the books of Robert Hare (Corporate Psychopath and Without Conscience), so it is possible! (ofcourse admitting HG: nothing beats this website!)

          Don’t be fooled by your trust and your gratitude, never forget we are dealing with a psychopath, love to all of you

          1. No, we no not lie about everything. We lie in order to maintain control. Those of us who are at the top need not lie as often in order to maintain control because we have other methods of doing so, our range of manipulations and the level of their effectiveness is substantial. If I identify that telling the truth serves the best outcome for me, the truth is told – take this place for example. You get the truth here because telling you all the truth of our kind enables me to build my legacy and you to gain understanding which further builds my legacy. Moreover, telling the truth here cannot impact on my private life, therefore it works perfectly. I have no need to tell lies in this place. I have need to tell lies elsewhere, but not always. Do understand however that this distinction only rests with Ultra and Greater, not Mid-Range nor Lesser.

          2. HG I hope you read this
            so I can clear up something that is really bothering me

            I agree with you fully
            I personally seem to remember every single tiny little thing and spot contradictions very easily
            The devil is always in the detail
            I remember ex narc would say something then months later contradict himself
            I always spotted it
            I don’t believe Hg is lying to us but Hg something irked me so I have to say it out

            Ok here goes

            On Instagram I made a comment and you said it was a great observation my user name is not coming up as Kiki I must change that .

            I made the same comment here on the blog as Kiki and you didn’t agree with it and said something totally different in a very very curt manner
            I have no problem if you agree disagree etc with me but it was totally contradictory
            I was a bit hurt and taken aback as I have been on this blog over 2 years bought EVERY one of your books and had 2 consults

            I just have to say it as it’s bothering me


          3. Please correct me if I’m wrong, so everything you tell here (assuming for this topic that indeed you always speak the truth) is a manipulation tactic?

            Dr Robert Hare needs to know this, 40 years of research is wasted

          4. I do not understand your question as it does not follow what I stated.

            I write the truth here. I explain the manipulation tactics. The explanation is not a form of manipulation.

        6. Hi Narc Angel thank you my own ET was flaring up big time on this topic
          It seems to tap a nerve with me something I need to look at in myself

          I had a good chuckle at one of your comments below about hating all the beautiful talk and three eyes bit you are funny and 100 percent correct


        7. Exactly. If anything men tend to drag women down… I mean…. look at a lot of us on this sight… dragged DOWN by a narc. Not up.

      3. Kiki,

        I think the thing you have to remind yourself of is that unfortunately for SM despite repeated mentions of her intelligence, beauty and earning capacity, bottom line – he doesn’t nor will he ever love her – no matter what she looks likes or earns. Well, certainly not in the way most people, indeed probably herself, think of how love is supposed to be.

        It’s not meant as a criticism of her or HG but let call it as it is – she’s been had, just like the rest of us, and yes, being a SE, she may very well move on quickly without too much upset but what are we now, seven or eight months in and she doesn’t look to me like she’s has any misgivings about HG’s personality.

        Of course we don’t know for sure as we only ever get HG’s take on things. Which is fine but you never really truly know what is going on in other peoples lives.

        All the best to you Kiki. x

      4. Kiki, Be wary of being jealous of people’s IG and facebook profiles in general… they are simply showing the world what THEY want them to see. Behind closed doors we all have our own struggles we face.

        You seem pretty awesome to me! So you keep doing you!

  12. HG, just saw the beautiful cookie SM baked for you on IG. How lovely. Enjoy it. You’ve been putting in a power of work on the blog over the last two days. I was struggling to keep up yesterday! I’m sure everyone appreciates it x

    1. I saw it too A383. I thought it was a pancake and wondered, “who drinks wine with pancakes”?!? She really does love you to bits HG. I can’t help but feel sad for her.

        1. I know she is NOW. I’m sad for what lies ahead for her. It’s like seeing somebody playing blissfully on the train tracks and picking flowers. Please tell her HG. Tell her what you’ve told us. She loves you. It’s not too late.

          1. She will learn the greatest lesson of her life. We all did.
            A lesson that will change her completely and arm (weaponise) her for a better life ahead.
            Yes, it will be tough but better to go through some heartache now than live forever in ignorance x

          2. A383, she will know the greatest pain of her life and may not survive. I can’t help but feel compassion for her. The higher the pedestal, the harder the fall. She will be crushed when she is flung in the dirt by the man that has loved her beyond her wildest dreams. And unlike us, she won’t have the resources of HGTU.

            But, ‘‘tis better to have had the ecstasy of the Ultra Elite’s dizzying Golden Period than to have never been on a pedestal at all”…or is it? There are many before SM that have pondered that question. She’s far from the first. I only hope she is the last. I hope. And hope is a liar.

          3. MB, sorry, but so what!

            Why would SM’s experience (pain) be worse than any other person that’s had an intimate relationship with a narcissist, let alone raised by narcissists.

            HG stated that his ex Kim was ‘behaving herself.’ I presume she’s still living and breathing and has survived. Was she not on the same pedestal a few years back? Why would SM be any different then?

            What about the people left with kids, homeless, penniless, broken both physically and mentally.

            If anything, from what we know of her, she’ll get to walk away with JUST a broken heart – no kids, financial worries etc.

            Also, you simply cannot infer her love for him is any greater than mine or yours was for our narcissists or future pain any deeper.

            We all feel for her but not more than I feel for myself – and she gets handbags!

            Cut it whatever way you want but I know which side of the emotional sea I’d rather be on for the rest of my life.

            Unfortunately, ‘sometimes to grow we must suffer.’

            Also, who is to say she won’t end up here! She most likely will search for answers like we all did. Awkward for you HG!


          4. A383, “and she gets handbags” is my favorite part! Haha! True, I suffered a lot of pain my hear was broken my marriage in danger the friendship I thought we had was fake, and all he ever got for me was a bottle of wine once! I don’t want SM to suffer though. Nobody here wants that.

          5. SP, I don’t think the gifts will make up for her heartache. But I see the point. I thought if I got put out on that highway to walk home, at least I’d be carrying some glittery Louboutin heels. (Once I realized what they were. Another thing I’ve learned at narcsite.) I didn’t get a damn thing as far as gifts.

          6. Haha I remember the Louboutin reference, it came out when I told HG that Tudor is red and he asked what kind of red. I said Valentino red and then he said he preferred Louboutin red. In actuality Tudor is burgundy red. Sigh, if they asked me “SP, what did your lover give you during your affair?” I would sadly answer: dick pics.

          7. SP, thankfully, I never got a single dick pic or any pic for that matter. I think he was smart about evidence. Plus, he may have thought, like HG, that dick pics are for morons. Sure didn’t stop him from asking me for pics though.

            I remember that convo. When he asked the shade of red, I said “tangerine”! One of my faves 😂

          8. Yes! That was the thread! ❤️Wow that was back in January I believe. I was in Europe at that time.

          9. A383, awkward for HG indeed!
            I suppose to answer your question, I have compassion for all victims of abuse, not just The SM. I’m not saying that her experience will be any worse than anybody else’s. Seeing her GP in living color drives it home the pain that is to come. I nearly committed suicide so that my pain would stop and I had NO WHERE EVEN CLOSE to what she has coming her way. I think it is because I know the pain that I do feel such compassion. Not only for her but here on the daily with other commenters. I’ve readily admitted that I’m envious of her current experiences and it makes me happy to imagine the elation that she must feel. In fact gives me butterflies thinking of her joy. But knowing she will have to pay dearly for those experiences breaks my heart. And seeing her on IG makes her “real”. She’s one of us and I feel like we are in on the plot to destroy her. That’s how it is different. We know now. She doesn’t.

          10. MB, that’s why I mentioned dramatic irony: the fact that we, the audience, know more than the protagonist of the story. I am sorry to read you almost committed suicide, I don’t recall you mentioning that in the past, but I’m glad you’re still with us and you made it through. I never thought of committing suicide but I did feel a moment of vacuuming where I felt empty and without any direction due to the failed affair with the narc and other bad things going around my life. I felt like nothing worked out and I felt lost. My body ached and I couldn’t even cry. I feel a little if not a lot like a traitor when I see the pics of SM. And even more so when I see cute gestures like the cake with the love message. MB, I hope you don’t ever go down that dark hole again. 😘😘😘

          11. HG, we don’t know what the future will bring, we are not the Oracle. We do know however that you are a narcissist and we know your history of devaluations that have been described in detail in many of your works and articles. From what you have told us, SM is not familiar with that side of you, thus, we know more than her in that respect.

          12. I feel like an accomplice too. He IS getting brave with his pics. I want to see more HG though!

            It was a dark time and I explained it more in a comment I just made to A383. Obviously, I’m glad I didn’t go through with my plan. I hope I never get to a place that dark again.

          13. Oh MB, babe! This makes me really sad. Was that why you disappeared for a while? I’m so glad you got over it and decided to come back.

          14. Goodness no SP! That was a few years ago. I got tangled back up with him after that. Because I didn’t know better. I thought he’d changed his mind and come back for me. 🙄 I went NC for a couple of months and then broke it and got tangled up again. I finally had enough in February of him ignoring me and decided once and for all (hopefully) to go NC. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be. My addiction was strong! That combined with one of my sons leaving the nest put me in a pretty deep depression. Not as dark as before, though. I felt too bad to come on the blog is why I disappeared. I literally didn’t have the strength. My sunshine was extinguished, but it’s back now! All is well in MBs world. Well, mostly 😊

          15. “Tangled back up” are my nightmare words. I hope I don’t fall for that shit again although I doubt it because there is nothing memorable that I would like to go back to, really. He is a good kisser, but so am I.

          16. SP, I wouldn’t know if I’m a good kisser or not 😐 It’s like “how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?” The world may never know!

          17. I think life is too short not to be kissing. Sadly, I don’t enjoy kissing my Sheep Boy. And never kissed anybody else (that counts that is). I need to get some wine for this pity party! Good Lord!

          18. MB
            I’m sorry you felt like that and didn’t realize your son was going off at that time as well. Glad that you are feeling better again and sharing with us here again.

          19. NA, thank you. That means a lot. Now if I can just get the rid of the rest of the 30 lbs I gained over it all! I thought of my own ass when you made the bag of oatmeal comment 😂