If You Leave The Narcissist

 

IF YOU LEAVE THE NARCISSIST YOUTUBE.jpg

 The narcissist senses that the grip on the victim is under threat in the dynamic between narcissist and Intimate Partner Primary Source. A Preventative Hoover follows – can you establish which school and cadre of narcissist (or narcissists?) is delivering these Preventative Hoovers?

If you leave me I shall surely die and you cannot want that on your conscience can you? If you leave me now, everything that we have built up together will come crashing down around us. Why would you want to do that? Why destroy what we have. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but it is not the time to focus on those few bad things but rather to remember what we had, what we have and to treasure that. We are meant to be together. We are bound together as one and I cannot allow you to leave and break what should be unbreakable. How could you countenance doing such a thing? We work so well together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. We have that perfect love, we have just lost our way a little, that is all. We can soon find it again, trust me. We found one another at the beginning didn’t we? Two lost souls who had both been hurt by others before, we saw enough in one another to trust one another with recounting those painful memories didn’t we? We were fated to meet. It was meant to be and if we were able to find ourselves amidst the fog of hurt and regret then surely we can find our way again now? I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

We have such plans for the future. We want to marry one another and raise a family. That desire cannot have evaporated overnight. No, I thought as much, I can see it in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will be nothing more than a wretched soul if he was to lose you. You are everything to me, you are my north star, my guiding light, my sense of calm and serenity when all is chaos around us. I need you and you need me. We fit together so well. Everybody says that about us. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see those icons of a perfect love torn asunder? Who will they look to for comfort and encouragement? We not only have an obligation towards one another but to them as well. There is too much darkness out there. Too much hurt, agony and cruelty and we can stand together and be that shining beacon of hope. Do it for me, do it for them, do it for us. Please, I am collapsing inside. The thought of never waking beside you ever again fills me with the most terrible dread. If you leave me, you will rip out the core of me and I will perish. There will be no purpose without you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from my world if you walk away now. Please do not do it. Please stay with me. I want you to be happy. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy together. There is so much we have not yet done, so many worlds to experience together, to conquer and rule. You are the one who sits at my left hand, my queen. Whatever is needed, just say the words and I will execute what is required but please, please, I am begging you, do not leave me. I love you.

If you leave me I shall ensure you die and believe me, it will not trouble my conscience. If you leave me now, everything that you know and cherish will come crashing down around you. Why would I want to do that? Why destroy what you have? Because you deserve it for your selfishness and your disdain towards me, after everything that I have done for you. Yes, I know that things have not been as good between us lately, but that is because you have not made the time to focus on me and you would rather forget what we had, what I gave you and to treasure me. We will always be together. You will not escape me. I will make it my sole mission in my life to ensure you never become free of me. We are bound together as one, you accepted that from the beginning and I cannot allow you to leave and break what I am entitled to. How could you countenance doing such a thing? How could you hurt the one who has done so much for you? I know how, because you are a fraud, a cruel temptress who swept me up and promised the earth and then delivered nothing. Oh wicked harridan, seditious slut and cruel crone you are. I worked so hard to bring us together, have I not given you love that is beyond anything else you have ever experienced before? You said as such yourself. You have written about it so many times in those beautiful letters that you composed for me, a perfect partner to the expressions of love, passion and desire that I have spoken so many times to you. Well understand this. I meant none of it. I have never loved you, you do not deserve my love, I will give it to someone who will appreciate it and give me what I want, but I will not let you rest. I will not let you walk away from me. You have a price to pay and you will keep on paying. I have created the perfect love and you have trodden all over it. If you try to leave I can soon find you again, trust me. My reach is far and wide. You have no idea of those who are waiting to help me and bring you down. I found you at the beginning didn’t I? That wasn’t me acting alone, I can promise you that. You a broken and lost soul who had been hurt by others before, I saw enough in you to endure you recounting those painful memories didn’t I? Oh I listened alright, storing all the details and I will use them against you now. I will scatter them to the four winds, posting and spreading details of your vulnerabilities far and wide. Not only those but all of the others I have collected whilst we have been together. Oh I have quite the collection and I will not hesitate to use them to destroy you. We were not fated to meet, I chose you. It was meant to be and I will find you again amidst the fog of hurt and regret that I will weave around you so you cannot see a way to escape. I will do whatever is required to make you stay with me. I cannot let something this precious trickle through my fingers, not now, not after everything that we have said and done.

I have such plans for the future. I want to marry another and raise a family and I will keep you updated as to that progress so you are tormented by what you could have had, but you chose to be selfish and leave. That malicious intent will not evaporate overnight, you do realise that don’t you? No, I thought as much, I can see the fear in your eyes. Look at me and you will see a man who will turn you into nothing more than a wretched shadow of your former self. I am everything to you, I will be the clouds which obscure your waystar, I will snuff out your light, I will eradicate any sense of calm and serenity by sowing chaos all around you. You need me more than ever. My machinations fit together so well. Everybody will know how treacherous you are if you dare to leave me. What hope is there for the rest of the world if they see this icon of perfection treated so unfairly? Who will they look to for leadership and brilliance? I not only have an obligation towards myself but to my supporters as well. There is much darkness out there for you, all created by me. Much hurt, agony and cruelty and my supporters will and can stand together and be that relentless machine that crushes you. Do it and see what happens. Please me or you will collapse inside. The thought of never sleeping properly again will fill you with dread because I will always be there, waiting and watching. If you leave me, I will rip your heart out and consume it. There will be no purpose left for you. Everything will become grey, ashen and dark. All colour will be drained from your world if you walk away now. Do not do it. Stay with me. I want you to be controlled. I want to control you. I want and I will get it. There is so much I have not yet done to you, so many worlds of yours to conquer and rule. You are the one who lies broken at my feet, my conquest. Whatever is needed, I will say the words and I will execute what is required to make your life a living hell but I am ordering you, you will not leave me. I hate you.

 

30 thoughts on “If You Leave The Narcissist

  1. Scarlet says:

    It’s amazing how we are all so fluent in narc language and use it as if it’s a real conversation forgetting that normal people have no idea what this stuff means lol. My ex narc is booked in to see a psychiatrist (yes he really is) I want him to tell the psychiatrist that he is the following:
    Lower Mid Range Victim Narcissist
    With a smallish fuel matrix including his mummy and sister !!
    Then I think well that’s no good unless the psychiatrist reads HG 🤔
    I know I shouldn’t judge already but I just feel there’s every likelihood this psychiatrist is not going to diagnose him correctly and won’t understand NPD
    All the professionals he’s spoken with so far have absolutely no idea what he is , I have to actually give Narc some credit because he is telling them from what he has read lol he actually said to his GP There are different types of narcissists

  2. Peaceful says:

    HG, I’m catching on… so when I applied his machinations against him, that was Supernova? For instance, one night long ago I fired back tons of hideous texts back at him so fast he couldn’t respond and he stopped. The next day said “good job” and laughed. Or was that just ‘crazy’? There were many times when I treated him as he treated me and he knew it. He didn’t like it of course and would disappear for a few days.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Possibly, it may just have been fighting back, there is a difference.

  3. twitchit says:

    Last paragraph is my story, i’d call him a mid range twat as his cadre (hope i’m not muddling schools/cadres, cba really) i cant quite place actually -too fat for a somantic, too self assured for victim, too thick for a cerebal…with his evilness i’d think to place him as a greater but again too thick i reckon… (superfuckedoffnovaspinhere!!). Um i was a 12yr carousel rider, esacaped 6 times out of the 15 (9 were discards obvs), eachothers’ heroin allegedly, both as bad as eachother supposedly. I’m just a sucker for romance, commitment and the children we have, oh and the separation anxiety actually….ergh… but really once i lost myself to the numbness (7 triangulations in all. It doesnt actually hurt so much after the 3rd cuz i began to view it like how he views it- they all blend in to 1 appliance really) i then found myself again 🙂 i actually realised the cycle of the merry-go-round never gets you to any sort of destination (cheat but at least respect or decorate or put bins out!) let alone peace where you can finally listen to your own music again (!!) and actually it is not very merry, just leaves ya feeling kinda sick. When i told him i felt numb he said he needed a girl with feelings, when he told me that i admitted i felt sick so was jumping off his ghostly white horse…. i’ve never looked back… or roundandroundandroundandroundandround 🙂

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Twitchit, thank you for sharing your experience.

      1. twitchit says:

        You’re welcome, i’m sincerely hoping that’s the end of my story now i’ve crossed the emotional sea, inspite of his weekly hoovers and innate spite!! Thank you for all your works, articulating such confusion and preventing me from wasting anymore years, although i think in my purchases i’ve paid for your retirement home (tbf i think i also bought mitch albom a speedboat so heyho)!! All that you’ve shared definitely resonates, although it took 2 yrs of reading, ruminating and testing to decide whether it is him or i who is in fact the narc as i used to thrive on the arguments, wordplay and mindgames until the headaches became too much- spose that’s what happens when you spend so long banging your head against the proverbial brick wall! Now i just enjoy the golden silence that he treats me to when my lack of response/fuel amounts to his perceived criticism when i can, happy days 🙂

  4. abrokenwing says:

    1. Mid-ranger ( begging and pleading)
    2 The Greater ( malice and use threats to stop the victim , plea is beneath him).

    With regards to cadre ..I’m not sure . Spoken charm but not much about the look and physical supremacy.. few victim traits.. either cerebral or elite.

  5. slc000918 says:

    I like the you-tube versions, the sound of your voice has an evil villain quality to it. Defiantly puts fear into your victim. (You will never leave) My favorite is the one about the secret garden and the “see-saw” that was great 👍.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SLC I am pleased you enjoyed them.

  6. kq says:

    Edit: I actually don’t know what it says he is. I blurted out lesser because insomnia/shock and also I’ve identified him as one, most of the time, through many of your posts.

  7. kq says:

    There’s a lot on this blog that is shockingly accurate in terms of my situation, and then some things not so much. Anyway, I had to read this post 3 times because I was genuinely stunned at how similar the first response is to a email I’ve received months ago. Right down to words and phrases.
    I’m still in wtf mode right now – it’s unsettling.
    I’ve considered the idea of you actually being my ex a few times, now it’s just laughable.

    So is this confirmation of my whateverthefuckyouwannacallhim being a lesser?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No, it is not confirmation KQ.

  8. numb says:

    Mid Range, UMR, LMR – all elite.
    When will our papers be graded professor?

  9. K says:

    The Greater Elite narcissist.

  10. Peaceful says:

    I’m going to guess a Greater? I’m searching around your blog to review the differences between Cadres, Schools and I’m getting confused 🙁

    1. superxena says:

      Hello Peaceful!
      There are three schools : The Lesser,The Mid-Range and The Greater
      Four cadres: Victim,Somatic , Cerebral and Elite

      The schools and cadres are defined on several of HG’s books. I would recommend you to read the book”Sitting Target: Why and How the Narcissist Chooses You” .HG’ books can you find on Amazon.

      Here below are some links to some articles that speak about that but more in terms of the fuel matrices.
      I would recommend you to read Sitting Target!

      I hope it helps !

      https://narcsite.com/2017/03/27/the-fuel-matrix-part-one/

      https://narcsite.com/2017/03/28/the-fuel-matrix-part-two/
      https://narcsite.com/2017/03/29/the-fuel-matrix-part-three/
      Sent from my iPad

      1. Peaceful says:

        Thank you superxena! That’s uber helpful! I’ve read Fuel, Escape, Revenge and Black Hole. I appreciate the direct sites above! I’m sure I’ll get to the rest of his books.

        1. superxena says:

          Your welcome Peaceful! I hope you are feeling better now! Stay strong!!!

        2. superxena says:

          Hello again Peaceful…forgot to tell you that Sitting Target is the book that explains with detail the three schools and the four cadres. In my opinion this book is a “must” book to better understand many of the articles posted here.
          Great that you have read Fuel, Escape ,Revenge and Black Hole. If you want to share: which book of the ones you have read have helped you the most? And why?

          1. Peaceful says:

            Hey there superxena!
            Not at all… Apologies if this is more than you expected.
            Fuel 1st because it explained the Narc concept to me. I had NO idea what that was all about. And it seemed like a good place to start. I was disgusted and enthralled at the same time. It was relieving to finally understand what was happening. I’m a Lighthouse Beacon to Narcissists and have been surrounded by them all my life unknowingly, til now. The concept of Fuel still confounds me. But I accept it.

            Escape was simply crucial to survival. Most likely inspired after reading the posts:

            https://narcsite.com/2016/06/17/the-emotional-battle-post-discard/
            https://narcsite.com/2016/06/22/the-second-post-discard-battle-heart-versus-head/
            https://narcsite.com/2017/02/05/the-post-discard-battle-part-three/

            I was living this to the word. Being tossed around in the emotion ocean for 5 years was brutal. Seeing it in written word blew my mind. The day I blocked my ex and went NC I knew I made it to dry land. Being informed of needing to build my tower and there were other options of “creating my new land of hope and promise” let the sun shine in. And here I am. Feeling pretty strong and protected with my newly gained knowledge with my own Coterie and Lieutenants 🙂

            Hoover is FANTASTIC! My ex, whom appears to fit the mold of a Lesser Greater, has been relentless with the benign hoovers. Learning what to expect and prepare for them was a blessing. He showed up at my home 7 times with promises of change, marriage, remorse and tons of future faking (until I video taped him and shared it with 2 crucial sources) and a few hundred emails. I am taking the advice of HG to Get Out and Stay Out. I will not respond to these hoover emails ever again. There is an issue still on the table, but with many thanks to HG, a solid plan is in place.

            Revenge. I listened to HG’s video on 5 Post Discard Jabs
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhUylaLhkpE
            That video cracked me up! I did arrange Nex to receive 3 boxes of funeral materials to be sent to his home. Anonymously, of course.
            I was inspired to read Revenge when I was really pissed off. It may have inspired me to video tape his unwanted appearances at my living room window. As he repeatedly “appeared on my balcony as the once desired Prince Charming”
            I don’t know if I’d take the time or energy to go through with knocking down the pillars. But hey, you never know. This could provide some good fun with a trusted friend and a fine bottle of wine some time down the road 😉

            Sitting Target will be next. Thank you for your recommendation.

            I’m so very, very grateful to HG and his writings as I believe he saved my life.

            If I did knock down the 7 pillars, would that be Super Nova?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            It could arise from the super nova but doing so is not necessarily a supernova event.

          3. superxena says:

            Hello Peaceful!
            Thank you for sharing! I found your answer very interesting and informative!
            It is always good sharing our own experiences. The choice of books are almost the same at the beginning but in different order, depending perhaps on which school/cadre they belong to and on which stage we are in the entanglement!
            Amazing to see how the “weapons” provided by HG’s books,site,articles are used differently by us. It lis like first getting to know who your opponent is and then choosing the right gun and then just well…shoot!!!
            Ha,ha !You really made me laugh about you sending him anonymously 3 boxes of funeral materials!!! Was he a Greater Somatic? He was obviously concerned about getting older. I would have loved to see his face when receiving them and congratulations for having the courage to do it.
            Well done.
            The book Fuel,Revenge were also of my first choice together with Exorcism and the articles of the 3 different battles were very helpful. Revenge was fun to read as well. Actually to knock down all the pillars requires a lot of planning and work specially being a Greater .Mine was a Greater (Somatic) as well..but I didn’t have to go that far…Will do it though if it is required !
            My experience was like a dance macabre with him for 6 years with lots of fights,me ending the relationship many times, being hoovered back again,revival of Golden period every single year..many couple therapies …and so forth..
            I do not even want to think about it anymore. Last time I escaped for good was 18 months ago ( no contact yes!) and after this no more!!
            Never back again!
            Yes,Sitting target is very helpful. The more you know about your oppenent ,the better defence .
            Good to hear that you have a solid plan for you unresolved issue. Yes, I do agree..you have in HG the best strategist!
            Good luck!!!

  11. Micki says:

    Cerebral Mid-Range, Greater Elite, Lesser Somatic

  12. Sunniva says:

    I am still new to this. Only one month in reading blog posts and books of Mr Tudor.
    It is a lot to take in and obsorbe, and to actually use this new empowerment in real life context.
    I thought I had it, but it is so much harder than I thought it would be☺️ But I will keep on reading to gain stronger and better at this👌🏻

    I think that the first one is a cerebral mid-ranger.
    The second one actually reminds me of my N, but then I probably am offending a greater, so I think the second one is a malign reaction from a greater.

  13. Diva says:

    You are scaring me now…….I escaped before devaluation…….it’s been quiet………too quiet…..hopefully not the calm before the storm………hopefully I am so peculiar even the narc knew when to call it quits!!!!!

  14. Sandra says:

    1 Mid Range
    2 Greater
    3 Lesser

    1. Sandra says:

      Fail. I didn’t list cadres.

  15. Mona says:

    Easy, babe, easy.

  16. Lisa says:

    HG, having read all your posts about hoovers and different types of narcissists , this post would only really be a applicable to Greaters and maybe upper mids ? Anything below seem to have less energy and slink away if easy hoovers don’t work ? They don’t really go to great lengths to hoover back , too lazy ? Am I correct in saying that regarding this post only being applicable to upper level ones and greaters ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct.

Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Previous article

Nothing’s Impossible

Next article

Absorb