Secrets

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Do you remember when you were at school and your friends all appeared to know something that you did not? They gave each other knowing looks, made sideways references to “this thing” and smiled and giggled. Unsettling wasn’t it? You asked them to tell you, you pleaded and you may even have become upset or angry, threatening your friends with some repercussion if they did not tell you what it was that they knew. Usually it was nothing. Just a device devised to play a game with you, to provoke a reaction, to cause you to react and it worked. Then you were in on the secret and you could join in and play it against the next unsuspecting individual. Nevertheless, you did not like that sensation of not knowing did you? Few people do. How many times when someone has gone missing, have anguished people declared,

“It’s the not knowing which really gets to you.”

The apprehension you experience when you wait to receive your examination results. You know you studied hard during the year, carried out the revision in the right way and you felt the examination went well, but you can never be sure can you, it is the lack of knowing which gnaws away at you until you receive the result.

Waiting for some test results concerning your health causes anxiety and concern. Even if it is bad news, once you have those results you can then take action, make plans and formulate a way forward but whilst you do not know, you are stuck, paralysed and frozen. It is an unpleasant sensation at best and an utterly debilitating one at worst.

You do not like secrets. We thrive on them.

So much of what we are is a secret. We are like a series of chests, compartments and vaults in which various secrets have been placed. Some have been placed there with the intention of never being revealed, either to you or even to ourselves. Others are those secrets about what we really are or what we actually do and we close the lid, slam the door shut and turn the key in the hope that you do not find them out and expose us for what we truly are. We do not want you to find out that the honey-coated façade is just that as you open a dark box and find the full horror of our true behaviour lurking inside. The past behaviours and historic actions are consigned into the depths of archive storage to prevent you from knowing what we really did to our ex-partner, what was said to our brother that has meant we have not spoken in ten years or the catalogue of infidelities that we engaged in. If you were ever allowed admission to those dark corridors you would pass the vaults, chests and caskets into which the secrets of our kind have been placed. Wife-beater, alcoholic, smack head, fraudster, closet homosexual, expenses fiddler, serial cheater, elder abuser, fence, conman, contemptor of court, distant parent, liar, convict, tax fraud, cross-dresser, sexual degenerate and so much more besides. Many secrets, some which you may eventually look upon, so many you may never know about. So many secrets hidden away, pushed into the recesses, concealed and secreted so that prying eyes do not learn the truth of what we say and do.

Yet, our secrecy goes further than that. We delight in letting you know that we have some kind of secret in order to exert control over you. We revel in giving you a glimpse of something but then pulling it from view. We engage in half-comments, low whispers and veiled comments in order to pique your interest but then we relish withholding the full tale. We take pleasure in these insignificant mysteries that cause you to question and probe. After all, we do know how you behaved when you were so much younger and how the sensation of not being able to know troubles you. It troubles you and your kind more than others. Like the older boy at school, we have snatched your lunch money and now hold it above your head, almost in reach as you hop and jump, frustration increasing as you attempt to recover it. You want to get hold of what it is that we know so you can satisfy your own need to know. We recognise this and therefore engage in the playing of games where we suggest, hint, partially reveal and allude to so that your interest is gained. We tease as we make oblique references to something in the expectation that you will bite. We will sit staring into space, cultivating the appearance of depth and intrigue as you observe us and wonder what we are thinking about. You will of course ask and we will give you some cryptic response which as you pondering and probing further. Whatever we told you is nothing to do with what we were actually thinking about. We may have been admiring the view from the window, we might have been wondering how the match would turn out and most likely we were considering which of the growing stable of prospects to message next. Instead we will trot out some comment or line which gives the appearance of us being pre-occupied with some weighty matter, something possibly beyond the wit of you, something which makes us appear mysterious and heavyweight. The intrigue adds to the allure but it also plays to your desire to need. The keeping back of information, the withholding of knowledge, the cloak and dagger routine is all part of the act. The true secrets will never be revealed to you. The secret we allude to is non-existent. It is just a device to control you. It is a means of keeping you bound to us, asking, wondering and probing. The half-answers and titbits are there to confuse, bewilder and cause your anxiety. The mysterious murmurs, the ponderous gaze and the comments to ourselves which you can only partially hear are mere ruses. They are to give us the appearance of depth when it is lacking. The creation of so many apparent secrets is to keep you away from the real secrets by leading you in a different direction and to make us appear deep and of substance. We look to snatch your consideration and scrutiny and make it belong to us instead.

The playing of secrecy continues after the cessation of our formal relationship. Always when you have been discarded and often even when you escape, how many times are your night bedfellows not some other person but the ghosting questions of how, what, why, when and where? You are given no answers as to what has happened and this is when the secrecy takes on the greatest significance as we have entered you into the maze where you try to find a way through it in order to understand how we could have done what we did, what on earth happened to you, why did we do those things, when will we come back and where did it all go wrong? We condition you throughout your dance with us to be intrigued by us, to wonder, to speculate, to pontificate and so forth so that it builds and builds until when we cast you to one side you can do nothing but keep wanting to learn our secrets, to open those doors, to slide back the bolts and open the portals, to raise the lids and lift the covers. This keeps you coming back to us, it keeps you hanging on in the hope that one day there will be a momentous reveal and it will all make sense. You wait in the expectation that all the secrets of this person that you still love will be revealed to you. But it never happens. Not by him or her. The unmasking comes from another place.

It is  no secret that you have the key to the narcissistic universe in your hands now.

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237 Comments

  1. PSE,
    yes i never watched one out, i told you last time, it was on the thread where we also discussed decoration and you also told me about Gantz, i only saw on google the lead’s face, but i have no clue about his personality.

    1. Liza. I remember you said a friend told you that One Outs is was good. And I beleive you said that you have seen sports anime before, but they are not your favorite genre. I know that you said that you did not watch One Outs, But, I did not know if you gave One Out a small shot or not, for at least one episode. For example, I have not seen Gantz, but I did watch almost one complete episode, but then I decided to switch and to watch Classroom of the Elite, right now. It is a bit mild so far, but the reviews says it is worth it by the time it concludes. After Classroom of the Elite, I want to watch Steins Gate, I believe it is called. They deal with time travel. I am interested to see how they handle such a complex notion. It has great reviews.

    2. Liza: Okay. I love his character. Here is a photo of him below, right before the game starts. He is reclining on a bench with his baseball cap over his face. hahaha. No one understands that he conserves energy physically. He also is playing with the minds of the opposing team by looking as if he is not impressed with their skills, and by not even warming up to pitch against them. Like they are nothing. lol. He is not being conceited nor disrespectful nor negligent, like everyone thinks, including his own manager. Rather he conserves energy and maintains a disturbing facade for the opponents, and psychologically helps his own teammates to calm down and not be so afraid. His team is not accustomed to winning. But, he is on the team now. He is changing all of that losing and naive mentality that they have been carrying around for so many years now, but for his own aims, and they are benefiting as a result, although they are confused by his facade and his strategies that he presents to them, even though the stragegies always work. The point that he saves energy is a bit overdramatized probably, but the caption at the bottom of the photo shows that no one understands him, and reads: The Game Is About To Start, but Tokuchi is Conceitedly Sitting On The Bench. And, of course, they do end up winning this game, because of him. Photo here >>https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWFGxvPQuoovfkS3D69rH53o7KdCF5IlU7oT6rGpf38U0Sx8iO&s

      1. PSE,
        the fact i didn’t watch even one episode is not because i’m desinterested, or don’t trust yor rocomandations, if i start watching something i need to finish it, i can’t just look at it and then passe if i don’t like it.
        and it has been more than a month since i haven’t read or watched anything i am even late on one piece, this blog is one of rare places i still can come to withoute having the risque of someone posting a scan or an info that will spoil it. (if there is someone out there who can spoil please refrain, thank you).

        and to be totally honnest, all sport mangas look the same, kuroko no basket, kagami and kuroko came to a team of loosers and they became the shampoins, in eishield 21 yoichi iruma fits perfectly the description you gave of the lead of one outs, even there charcter designes are similare, in captain tsubassa japan was verry low ranked and thanks to the new generation they became one of the best, and i don’t like sport T_T

        i like when there is either fantastic univers and a lot of spectacular combats, or when there is a lot of mystery and i can make theories.

        1. Liza. You sure know your anime/manga. I was not really expecting you to watch One Outs. I watched it also because you told me that your friend said it was good. I know it is not your favorite type of anime. I remembered that. Eishield 21 is now on my list. Maybe a lot of these Characters are Narcissistic in these Mangas. I shall see. But, I am only on my third one, clearly not enough for me to make such an observation, though… But, so far, Narcissists lead characters are in 2 of the 3. Death Note and One Outs. I am not used to this type of hero, but I find them both quite entertaining.

          1. PSE,
            the tricky thing about narcissism in manga is that they make us believe that under all the bad actions and cruelty they engage in, they stil have a good core, but Mr.HG said that he does not have a core, and i think it is safe to extend it to all narcissists.
            light is defenitly a narcissist, and he behaved as one till the verry end, he even became crazy and dellusional when he couldn’t finde a way to assert control over the situation.
            but in the majority of the mangas i read, even the meaniest of vailains end up having a soft side, in some cases they even join the protagonist.
            i will read one outs,and i will dicusse it with you , i promise. i can only read at night so give me just 3 to 4 days.

  2. Alex: Yes. one day, I was watching an economic forum on TV, and the panel brought up that people in general, and for the first time in the U.S., are not doing as well economically as their parents did, these days, and then that sitcom, Friends, came up in the discussion. Alex, we also have the famous and popular very long running sitcom, Seinfeld: They all had their own apartments, and in the city, no roommates, but, not a single one of the main characters could connect enough to have a long term relationship partner, for all those years in that sitcom. And that serious fact was being glamorized by Hollywood, for the populace, as well, via that sitcom Seinfeld. They all were Narcissists or highly Narcissistic: Every single one of those main characters in Seinfeld. And then we have the sitcom, Sex and the City. Single women that had their own apartments in a city and without roommates, (many viewers complained that the star character played by Sarah Jessica Parker could not have had that good of an apartment in real life in Manhattan, without a roommate, with her job), and were sexual adventuresses, ok, but I still do not know what that show was really about, because I only catch a few random episodes, here and there. But, I am sure that show is socially engineering the general populace, one way or the other about something. And many men watched and still watch that that show as well. So I also wonder what message the men are receiving from that sitcom? I just probably need to watch a complete season or two, to figure out what that show Sex and the City, is really about. And what message is being glamorized for the general populace? Hollywood, Oh Hollywood.

    1. Thanks PSE. I don’t watch huge amounts of TV. I am aware of Sex and he City we have it over here and Seinfeld. I’ve never watched a single episode of either or friends but I’ve seen little snippets of each. That’s a good idea to watch to find out what it’s all about. I’d definitely be interested to know your take on it.

      1. Alex. I would just love to know my take on Sex and The City, as well. lol. But, you are not going to rope me into adding more to my `To Do` list, Alex. It is too bad that I just don`t have the time to put it on my viewing schedule, to find out my take on it, (although I am curious), for the foreseeable future. Hahaha! Maybe someone else on here, that knows the series, can tell us what it is all about and what is the social, political and economic, etc. message of that sitcom to the general populace, and the specific message to women and to men, as well. Otherwise, what happens on Sex and the City, stays on Sex and the City.

        1. I ended up going in some place in NYC recently called Magnolia Bakery. I was advised of its significance to SATC afterwards. I did not buy a cup cake

          1. For all the years I lived in NYC, I never bothered going to the Soup Nazi. I didn’t really watch Seinfeld until later in reruns, however.

          2. Dearest HG: I walk by one near Battery Park in Midtown in NYC. The cupcakes were very small. I walked in once, and took a look at them, and then I left without purchasing. If you ask me, that bakery is absolutely, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt, a marketing plug-in on the TV series. The locations of that Magnolia Bakery chain are in expensive neighborhoods with very high commercial rents per square foot. They can not possibly sell enough of those very small little cupcakes for such overhead. So, whomever owns that chain is part of the indulged in-crowd with the banks and with the leveraging of other peoples` money. Year after Year. And thus they live off of the loans that they are awarded, and they do not live off of actual sales of those tiny cupcakes. I found a youtube clip discussing the top 10 Sex and the City locations: The very first place is Magnolia Bakery on this link: https://youtu.be/ce-2m-ILu_E

          3. I much preferred dining at Antique Garage on Mercer Street in Soho. It very much gets an HG approves.

          4. Dearest HG: Thank you for your tried and true recommendation on Antique Garage on Mercer Street. What a cool name for a restaurant.

          5. It is well worth a visit and no, I have not been paid by them to recommend them. SM and I very much enjoyed our meal there.

      2. Alexissmith2016,
        it was an atempt to picture strong independent women, with differents mentalities, but they ended up picturing immature little grils who play strong while waiting for a man to give meaning to their lifes.

        1. It sounds terrible! I’m glad I’ve never watched it. I think early female rap music did more to empower women (not the current stuff).

      3. Alex: Here is a delightful tidbit, or perhaps a horrifying tidbit, or perhaps an ironic tidbit, or perhaps some other type of tidbit (I am not sure what type of tidbit to call this) about the still ongoing payments to the cast of Friends, a sitcom that portrayed a close group of young adults facing a generally rough economy, as they struggled for stability in their lives, and as they struggled just to make ends meets, including needing and incorporating roommates into their private spheres, just to pay the rent, etc: [“All six cast members — Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry — receive 2 percent of the syndication income, which is about $20 million for each person per year, USA Today reports. … Each cast member receives $20 million per year, all because of “Friends.”Dec 29, 2018]. Alex, all I can do is laugh about all this, or cry, or do something else,…(I am not quite sure). Notwithstanding, I bet some people are flexing their Hoover muscles, hearing about these huge residual passive income benefits, this crew is receiving year in and year out, that are perhaps ripe for the plucking. Huzzah!

    2. PES:
      Never could get into either Friends or SATC, because of that glamorization.
      Seinfeld, on the other hand, I loved. They’re *supposed* to be assholes.

      1. Violetta: Seinfeld has some classic Episodes. I have seen many episodes. If you want to watch, just look up some of the best episodes lists and watch those. There are still many episodes that I have not seen. I would just look up some of the best episodes classifications, if I were in the mood to watch one. There are so many many episodes of Seinfeld. K and I were discussing a few a couple of weeks ago. Three of my favorites are (1) when George was happily dating a female prisoner and he liked the dynamic of her being imprisoned, and he being free in the outside world, and (2) When George used a real photo of a beautiful female to say she was his dead fiance`, in order to get in good with sympathetic beautiful women and thereby be granted entry into a special club that George called the Forbidden City. Forbidden to be entered by average slacker guys like he was. (3) George fakes being disabled and using a wheelchair at a certain job. That one is almost a musical, in the way the episode is directed. I think that George is my favorite character on Seinfeld, come to think of it.

          1. K. Sure. Festivus. Yeah..I remember that epsidode.somewhat….but it is not a favorite of mine. That is actually one of your favorite episodes??? No judgement. Hahaha.

          2. K. I will definitely plan to re-watch Festivus. lol. I can not really remember it, and so maybe I did not have the chance to see the complete episode. And, I do think that happened, because I often like the shenanigans that George partakes. Festivus it is, then.

  3. K, if you’re out there, can you direct me to a classic interchange between HG and Pamela, when she first began to show her true colors to the extent that the rest of us could spot them?

        1. Thanks, Desirée. I couldn’t even remember where the other thread was! I can memorize scripts, particularly if they are in verse, but I don’t have a cataloguing mind at all.

          Will get back after I’ve read it.

        2. Ok, that was weird.
          What on earth does she WANT?
          Or is that the point?

          Obviously, she’d already built up some animosity by that point.

          1. Violetta
            Pamela strikes me as the kind of narcissist that does not have an expansive fuel matrix in terms of proximate fuel and hence likes to turn to looking for fuel output online. Therefore her behaviour is understandable and entirely in line with who she is and I would assume that drawing fuel online is her go-to method. She has used both benign and malign tactics on this blog to gain fuel, the animosity you mention is likely due to the repeated criticism she had receibed at that point

          2. I once got booted off a celebrity gossip site (I try to avoid them now) for being insufficiently malicious.

            Perhaps Pamela has missed her true calling.

          3. V
            Haha. My husband got kicked out of an insult chat room. How bad is that? No he’s not a narc and he had quite a laugh over it.

          4. I got kicked out of a divorce support group on Facebook for saying white trash. I don’t regret it.

          5. Lorelei. Long time ago I got a warning from AOL that my account was suspended for 10 days. I called to inquire as to why. Ends up my SON who was maybe 12 at the time got thrown out of a lesbian chat room and they reported him. 😂😂

          6. Really? That is a great story! If the internet were alive when HG was 12 I can see the same thing happening!

          7. Lorelei:
            People were ripping into one of the many vapid little bimbettes out there. I ripped into her too, but admitted that I also felt sorry for her. The person running the site told me and at least one other reader to fuck off because it was HER blog, which was fair enough, but it does allow me to appreciate HG’s latitude.

          8. V

            Ha ha! I always wonder where HGs latitude is but I also I admire his lassitude.

            Love ya V! X

        3. Very interesting.

          I would not have thought that random anonymous comments on a blog could be so transparent. Perhaps I should be more careful of what I write in the future. (I wont. I’ve written some shit and will continue to do so).

          1. Violetta
            Haha, I had forgotten about that one! I’m glad you like it. It is evident Pamela cannot resist to stare at the one upon the throne and his immensely attractive body of work.

      1. I’m not even finished skimming through the first link, and I’m gobsmacked.

        I thought this might be amusing (I could use a good laugh), but it’s horrific.

        If she has such contempt for this site, why does she keep coming back to it? There are sites I won’t even lurk on, let alone post, because I was so appalled by what I read. I surfed some of Roush-V’s material because I wanted to know what routines PUAs were going to try, and I got out as soon as I understood the basics. It was chilling to see all that hostility, and I for sure wasn’t going to try arguing with any of them!

        1. You highlight a typical behaviour of narcissists that come here Violetta. Nobody is making them read my work, but they keep coming back and commenting, why?
          1. There are Hoover Triggers because either
          a. They subscribe so that they receive a notification about a post or a comment, or
          b. The have a fuel obsession in respect of me.
          Therefore there are repeated Hoover Triggers.
          2. The Hoover Execution Criteria is invariably met, why?
          a. It is easy to perform a direct electronic hoover. They can read the work and make a comment or send me an email. I do not block anybody (I do not need to), but I will ignore the narcissists,
          b. They will execute an attempted Hoover By Proxy by attacking my readers rather than me (either her or on other forums in the expectation it comes to my attention)
          c. They may perform an indirect electronic hoover by talking about me elsewhere in the expectation I will read it elsewhere (pointless – I do not read other forums) or it will be brought to my attention by other readers.

          Some flatter and seek to seduce. Some dole out pity plays “Why won’t´you answer me” “why are you not letting my comments through” “why are you picking on me”. Some attack me.
          Of course, they cannot see the contradiction between keep commenting on something they are attacking. They of course argue etc because they have to try and assert control over me (and the readers) but do not realise this. This is why I occasionally allow them to demonstrate their behaviour to assist the learning of all other readers.

          It is very simple. If you do not like my work, do not read it. Of course they do so and comment because they want to assert control, but they do not know that that is what is behind it, because they do not know they are narcissists.

          1. HG, have you written about fuel obsession? I think that is a lot of what was driving the extreme stalking behavior I saw in the program I’ve been watching.

          2. Interesting HG how they behave. Which type of N would seek to seduce you, knowing what you are?

            And would they be attempting to seduce you thinking you are all powerful as an ultra or would they be thinking you’re not really an N?

          3. As an Ultra. One, invited me to seduce her, there’s arrogance and magical thinking for you.

          4. So a small or maybe just a “busy”’fuel
            matrix may trigger a reader into shenanigans here? Interestingly it feels familiar!

          5. Remember, most will believe they are a victim of a narcissist and they will look for information about it. This brings them to my work. They want to court the Ultra, gain my fuel, the fuel of readers because they are narcissists and I and the readers cause hoover triggers. The deficiencies in their fuel matrices also mean that they are likely to return. When some are ignored, this wounds and causes them to stay away for a period of time. They may latch on to other forums and this reduces the prospect of return. Of course they often fall out elsewhere so that forum becomes black and this place becomes white again so they return.

            You do not get to see this because either they email me (thus you do not see) and/or they try to comment and the comments are not moderated through. There are 6 of them that regularly hoover. One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.

          6. You would never say who though? It would be subject A for instance? Would you ever encourage one to comment to illustrate behavior?

          7. Yes I would not refer to them by name as I am not giving them any fuel.

            I would not encourage one to comment, I occasionally allow the comments (which is different from encouragement) purely as a learning example.

          8. Gosh I’m glad! I’d hate you to reveal I’m a dangerous psychopath! It gets scary.

          9. “There are 6 of them that regularly hoover. One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.”

            That would be very educational.

          10. HG, Your comment: “Remember, most will believe they are a victim of a narcissist… One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.”

            I have made the mistake of thinking a person that claims to have been a victim of a narcissist must be an empath. This faulty logic has lead to confusion when repeated behaviors by the same ‘victim’ are in clear contrast to that of an empath. I now see this is not always the case. Your insight is so very helpful. I do hope you shed more light on this topic and that you create a post or logic bulletin that exposes such patterns.

            A separate topic worthy of further examination is one NA touched upon: Empaths with N traits are not narcissists and their empathy will be evidenced. For me, NA’s empathy is obvious, but for others, they jump to the N conclusion. Perhaps shedding light on this recurring dynamic, as to why this happens and for whom it happens, would be helpful for all of us.

            Thanks in advance for your consideration.

          11. Thank you for your constructive observations FYC, I will be writing more about these behaviours.

          12. FYC—the who and why of this just came to my mind earlier and I what I mean is what would motivate an empath to incorrectly perceive narcissism, and why would a narcissist be motivated to smear someone in this sort of environment.

          13. No, Lorelei, we already established that alexissmith2016, PES, NarcAngel, and I are the dangerous psychopaths.

            How many puppies did you have for breakfast today?

          14. V
            I ate no puppies, but I did have coffee with someone I worked with for many years. His partner has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and he wanted to express his fears outside of his immediate circle where he feels he has to be “upbeat and fucking positive all the time”. After talking about it a bit, he thanked me for listening and then went further to say:

            “I also want to thank you laughing and saying “and?” When I told you I was gay over 30 years ago in an environment that was not open or supportive at that time. Thank you for asking about my partner when the other women were talking about their husbands or Valentines Day, and asking me what I thought about the hot guy they were lusting over. And thank you for taking up a collection when my partner (now husband) and I bought our first home, as was done for the straight couples. I know most of that money came from you”.

            Clearly I am a monster.

          15. NarcAngel
            Hahahah….I read that “other” thread and saw behaviour unbecoming of an empath.

          16. Actually I was in Petsmart to pick my dogs up from the groomer (I’m sure I’ll be raked over the coals for this) and saw kittens in the adoption room. I want them all. Kittens and puppies are amazingly adorable.

          17. Dearest HG: What I have experienced in making necessary judgements of people, is that one has to make the determination faster in cities and in fast moving societies and when dealing with many more people. I grew up a small town girl. We often knew the character of people, and they had reputations and things moved slower, so one also had the luxury of time to make decisions about the character of a person. In fact, one could have a lifetime to consider a person. But, otherwise, now we have to judge more quickly. It is more a snapshot of time. We often do not have the time and luxury and even the need to take years to judge every person. This is a big problem, but only at times, and sometimes we have to learn to slow down, especially if we are not in a small town, or the decision we are make regarding a person is important and necessary for our well-being, especially. What we see, during what we determine is our available timeframe, which is often under the pressure of a modern timeframe, is often what we process. What we see is what we go with. We do not have all the time in the world to watch someone`s behavior in total, and for years and years. And when we make a mistake, we pay, at times, and, sometimes it does not really matter, and we do not pay at all, and we move on. I have learned more now to slow down from making a decision about a person,whether someone is behaving pleasantly towards me or not. But, more so, If this determination is important to my well-being. And, most of the time, no one can force me to either like someone or dislike someone. If I do not like someone, I do not really care, most of the time, if I am right or wrong about the person, if the person is not essential to my well being. I take them as they present their self to me, personally, as well as to others. If they are wonderful with most people, but not to me, I will notice that. No matter what others will tell me about this person. I pick my battles, and I pick what I will worry about, and what I will not worry about, most of the time, and I will allow myself to be wrong. Especially about transient and tertiary people on the internet, that do not have the power to do something bad to me, if they desired to harm me. And, many people will turn on a dime, anyway, especially these days. So, if someone acts as if they want to kill me, and the world screams that they are an empath, I still will make my own decision about whether or not I like the person. If someone treats me with respect and we get along together and the world screams that they are a Narcississt, I still will determine if I should remove myself from the person. The Narcississt that I was enamored with did not do me dirty, rather more so his 4 Lieutenants. But, ultimately, I removed myself from him, because it was not healthy for me to be around him, and I fell emotional ill and extremely exhausted ruminating about him. Those 4 just came along with the package. And then they wanted me back. No good. It still was my decision to Get Out and Stay Out, away from all of them. If anyone sees that I am missing something in my understanding, I would like to know.

          18. Alexis, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell people your stalking them. You might need some practice at this.

          19. Lorelei
            Now that you say that maybe I’m the one that would be a horrible stalker haha. Theirs no fuel to gain if it’s secretive.

          20. I have never stalked anyone. I had a measure of success that I was able to determine last night. I used to get kinda sick driving to my ex’s house and last night I had to do a drop off. I wasn’t as sick. He makes me really ill typically and it was not gone—but 65.7% less. Maybe 70%. I just hate that it’s not as easy as washing off scabies. It takes longer to clean the soul.

          21. Lorelei, you can’t wash off scabies!!

            You are getting there. 70% is better than the time before right? Do you share custody? It’s harder for those that have ties. I’ve read some of your post and I can tell your becoming more focused. Focus on your success, you are doing great!

          22. Thanks Mercy. I wish the disgust could just leave but it’s closer and closer. Some of it is with myself for not knowing. It was an incredibly bewildering dynamic and I regret the pollution that I didn’t fight more readily. My acceptance of bizarre was so disabling it created a paradox of somewhat equal parts. It’s not fair but this isn’t a pity party..

          23. You are referring to yourself in third person. Does this mean you are no longer in first place in life?

          24. Excellent wit! You’ve chosen first second third and all the rest to have it all!

          25. “It entertains MB!” I’m entertained too. About right now. Remember how it puts the lotion on the skin?

          26. I’m an idiot and replying in parts. Yes he has custody three evenings a week. Not too bad as I have the rest..

          27. HG you’d never encourage one to comment.
            So if one claimed you had (repeatedly) done so- that would be grandiosity?

            Have you ever encouraged an empath several times to comment?

          28. Alex: You have to enter more robustly then that! You have to come in like a: Wrecking Ball. And then afterwards, you could marvel at all the consequent debris and litter and dreck and remnants during the aftermath, while the investigators try hurriedly to locate ground zero and the black box recordings, on the day after. All while estimating the cost of the cleanup. And next locating the best calming and authoritative voices to speak to the public, during the many upcoming scheduled press conferences, while reminding the calming and authoritative voices to wear a windbreaker jacket and a baseball cap: The customary OOTD for such events.

          29. NA
            I’m glad that you wrote that not everyone who has been ensnared by narcissist is an empath. I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. Incidentally, I don’t know you at all but I don’t think you’re a MR Narc, you’ve got balls for a start!

          30. I ate only one puppy for breakfast, but it was a Great Pyr and there are lots of leftovers. All the rest of you monsters are invited.

            Mmm-mmmm, furry!

          31. Liza:

            Somebody cutting onions in the damn room….

            Thanks. The lifelong accusation is “If you would just FOCUS….”

          32. As Alexissmith2016 simultaneously bursts into song and foliage:

            Fuel me, HG.
            Fuel me all night long.
            “That’s right, boy!”
            You can do it…
            Fuel me, HG.
            Fuel me all night long…
            ‘Cause if you fuel me, HG,
            I can grow up, big and strong.

          1. Here’s what I don’t get: she says she is working on her PhD, yet she is indignant when people argue with her.

            I’ve known academics in various fields, from History, Literature, and the Performing Arts to Health Care, Engineering, and Mathematics, and if you give a paper and no one asks you anything during Q&A, your paper has failed. If people debate your findings during Q&A and it runs almost longer than the presentation itself, your paper was a success. If, from then on, anyone who writes on the topic has to cite your work, even if it’s only to refute you, you are on the map.

            That, clearly, is not how she’s approaching things. Did she ever say what her major is?

          2. Violetta,
            what you described is a real researcher who does it because they are pationate about their field and do sincerely want to make progress, those individuals would be happy if you question them, they see it either as an oportunity to learn or teach what they know.
            but there is an other model who just want to be called Doctor, and they will remind you that they have a phd even when they are only buying a coffee from you, they use it as an othority argument to be always right, even if they have a phd in computer science but you are talking about a heath issue.

          3. Liza:

            I have a goddam PhD. This is the first time I’m bringing it up, because I was embarrassed by the fact that I’m working as an underpaid overworked adjunct with no benefits or security, and if the Business Ed majors who’ve taken over our institution continue ruining it, I won’t even have that.

            I did office work when I lived in NYC, and I hope I can do that again if necessary. I’ve worked publishing, but that is also a dying industry. Now that everything is on the web, it’s easy and relatively cheap to correct errors. They don’t need copy editors to check everything at each stage from manuscript to blues.

            I may end up leaving off a degree or two fr my resume so I’m not considered overqualified. OTOH, I’d rather work in day care, as I did as an undergraduate, than inflict the crap the present admin. mandates on our students. Better to wipe baby rears than kiss the administration’s.

          4. Violetta,
            congratulations on your phd!!! and why are you ashamed? they are two unrelated events.
            i’m sure that you will end up finding a job that will suit your qualifications, don’t give up!
            i reaised that i totally misread all your postes, i always thought that you were a theater actress.

          5. You didn’t misread them, Liza: I did many church basement and community theatre productions, but like most struggling actresses, I had to do something else to pay the bills. Since I was a terrible waitress, I learned MS office so I could get temp jobs. Then I learned proofreading and copyediting, and had long-term positions. When I decided to go to grad school, the economy was good. I didn’t realize how the academic market would be disintegrating by the time I got out.

            My 2nd reader, who I now realize was a kind of narc, endlessly delayed my graduation with rewrites. I know half a dozen people who graduated before me because she considered them unworthy of being tortured. Some of them took her off their committees, frequently after the professor had said things like “Your writing is terrible!“; in one notorious case, she took herself off the student’s committee–two weeks before the student’s candidacy exam. It was a slap in the face as well as deliberate sabotage to make her run around trying to fill the committee spot two weeks before the exam, but because she didn’t have She-Who-Must on her committee, the student finished earlier, with her confidence intact, and has tenure by now.

            I privately discussed getting her off my committee too, but my chair was against it–even said Prof. She-Who-Must might have been a more appropriate committee chair for my topic anyway. Terrified I’d be bailed on by the entire committee and never finish at all, I did the rewrites, abandoned the work I had already done, and felt like an intellectual whore. Meanwhile, the people who formerly had She-Who-Must on their committees got tenure-track jobs.

            My parents were so pleased when I went to graduate school–academia was so much more stable and respectable than acting.

            And now it’s neither.

          6. Violetta—I am so glad I’m reading this post. First I missed a ton of snarky fun yesterday re, “who is the narcissist” but I’d also missed your acting and theatre interests.
            Last night we were doing Hairspray and South Pacific pieces. There is zero sense in how that occurred but just know that I know! I know how little sense it makes to many and how it makes perfect sense to those doing what they love. 💕💕

          7. Violetta,
            from what i can see you are able to finish a phd despite the troublsome situation you were in, you have been able to work on differents jobs and you are courageous enaught to work as an actress, it is the definition of strong spirited and flexible, if i were you, i would be proud of me no matter what.

          8. Liza:

            Thanks. I needed your reminder of what I have done, not just what I haven’t done.

            When I compare myself to some of my grad classmates, I feel pretty pathetic. I keep forgetting how many people never finish–it’s close to 50%.

            Pamela better hope she doesn’t have someone like my 2nd reader on her committee. That professor ate grad students for breakfast.

          9. V
            What committee? The institution where Pamela claims to be getting a PHD uses puppets and crayons, and she hasn’t even finished that.

          10. You are welcom Violetta, i wasn’t complementing you, or sheering you up, it is what i really think.

            haha the onion think made me laugh.
            what works for me to focus is that i never do one think at a time, if i do iti drown in may thoughts, but if i do two or more things a time i manage to stay somewhat focussed.

            thanks goodness, apart from those i love and i interacte with i have trouble remembering faces and people, so even if i bump into some ex classmate i wouldn’t be able to compare myself.

          11. Liza:

            I did something I know I’m not supposed to do: I looked up old classmates on Rate My Professor. It’s a bad idea, because if they get good ratings, I’m envious, and if they get bad ratings, I’m frustrated because why does so-and-so have a great job when I’m stuck in the hamster wheel of adjuncting, etc.?

            My theology geek friends agree it’s a Near Occasion of Sin, because looking on those sites incites anger, envy, and pride, and one of them said it was my version of Porn.

          12. Hmmm…what my friends call a Near Occasion of Sin might equate to the kinds of action HG discourages because they raise Emotional Thinking.

            Grad school is over: I survived it (if barely). Looking up old classmates if I’m not really friends with them is a bad idea.

            My 2nd reader has no direct power anymore: she stopped writing me references after a certain point; if an interviewer asks me about her, I can just say we haven’t stayed in touch. Considering how other Dept members have rolled their eyes on hearing of her exploits, it’s probable that people in her field in other schools have heard of her reputation as a brilliant researcher who is, as my Committee Chair put it (in massive understatement), “not a People Person.” If they contact her independently and she praises me with faint damns (yes, I know: wording intentional), what she says may be put in context.

            In any case, worrying about What People from Grad School Would Think of Me takes energy and focus away from trying to revise an article to make it more publishable, or revising application letters and resumes to make them more suitable for non-academic jobs. They may not publish or hire me anyway, but directors don’t always cast me, and that never stopped me from auditioning.

          13. Violetta,
            ha ha your friend is pretty right, it juste a frustration generator.
            i have my own deffinition of success, i can fail by my standards even if i’m the top of my major and i can win even if i’m not, depends on what i aim for at a particular moment, so i don’t ask about them and to be honest i really don’t care about the answers, i left all the facebook groups and all places i was related to all of that.
            and for once i had the courage to tell my parents that i will not do a phd, i’m easily bored and there is no way i can stick to one subjet for 3 years, and stangely they didn’t minde, especially my father i was really expecting him to be desapointed, but i was wrong.
            so for the first time in my entire life, i am free.

          14. There should be a degree for HGs studies. Final exams and everything. Bachelor of Narcology.

          15. You will be able to tell from our exams what areas we need to focus on for improvement of our understanding and weaponization. Such a great idea Desireé!

          16. A degree is a great idea Desiree!

            Any thought as to where we would do our placements?

        2. Violetta: I used to read about other countries that had very highly formally educated people that could not find appropriate work and countries where many young adults often lived at home with their parents and/or on govt. subsidies. But, now, this is happening in the U.S. where I live. Also, it used to be shameful to live as an adult at home with ones parents. Now that is happening in the United States as well, and in larger and larger numbers. However, the shame is also not so strong as before. But, anger and withdrawal is on the increase. So this seems to be some sort of social and economic and political problem on this planet, regarding formal education and employment and independence. The bad thing is that, this is happening. The `good` thing is that there is not much stigma over it all and one should not feel so much shame over it all, for people in general, like many people in general felt, once before. It is putting the problem on your own back. It is too much to carry. I admit that all this is incredibly disappointing, though. But the problem is so large, I do not know who can solve it, at this point. And if screaming and yelling at this problem, like many want to do, and like many are currently doing in certain countries, could fix this problem, It would be fixed by now. But, it effects all of us whether or not we are all highly formally educated or not. Many of us are being negatively impacted by this problem, one way or the other.

          1. The tables are turning further because in the UK it is now rather acceptable to be living at home with ones parents and if you’re not and under the age of 35 people look at you like there must be some kind of problem with your family.

          2. Alexis—my kids are welcome to live here forever but they have to clean the baseboards monthly with almond oil if so.

          3. Alex: That is what the popular United States TV sitcom titled: Friends, with Jennifer Anniston, was about: To make it feel okay to young adults to have roommates and not feel embarrassed nor ashamed that they could not afford to leave the parental nest and then live on their own, without the assistance of roommates, or `friends.`. When the populace feels okay about a scenario, the populace will not protest and demand change and such, and thus irritate the people that control the society. The sitcom Friends worked to make this roommate need seem fun and desirable. It was a balm for young adults who could not afford their own apartments in the large cities, but had to have roommates, or `friends` to help pay the bills. If it were okay with Jennifer Anniston to live with roommates or `friends` that way, because they had no other better choice, (she actually is from a well-to-do family in real life, lol), then it is was okay for them, as well. Hollywood, oh Hollywood. Sigh. So this socially, economically, and politically undesirable scenario for young adults was glamorized by Hollywood through the sitcom Friends, that started in 1994 and ran an entire decade until 2004, and all was made to look cool and in style, when young adult people, in reality, would tell you: that they wish they could afford to live without the encumbrance of living with other people, just to be able to leave the parental nest, and then just to be able to pay the rent, etc. Like in NYC where I live, most people want to live in the borough of Manhattan and have their own apartments, and live without roommates, or `friends.` And when they can`t for many reasons, mostly economic, many are called hipsters and they say that they love the other 4 boroughs more, anyway, and now, many of them still have to have roommates/`friends` even in the other 4 boroughs as well, these days, because everywhere in NYC is becoming so very expensive at this point. But, I know better. Here are the opening song lyrics for the famous and very popular TV sitcom, Friends:

            “So no one told you life
            was gonna be this way
            Your job’s a joke, you’re broke
            Your love life’s D.O.A
            It’s like you’re always stuck in second gear
            When it hasn’t been your day, your week, your month
            Or even your year, butI’ll be there for you
            (When the rain starts to pour)
            I’ll be there for you
            (Like I’ve been there before)
            I’ll be there for you
            (‘Cause you’re there for me too)
            You’re still in bed at ten
            And work began at eight
            You’ve burned your breakfast, so far
            Things are going great
            Your mother warned you there’d be days like these
            But she didn’t tell you when the world has brought
            You down to your knees
            and
            I’ll be there for you….. “The Rembrants.

          4. cont.) regarding Hollywood glamorizing the necessity for young adults needing roomates to make the rent: Here is a clip of Friends sitcom opening video with lyrics (around 47 seconds): https://youtu.be/rfU8sPLkcSE

          5. The extended family living under one roof was actually the norm, until very recently. Looks like we’re going back to that.

          6. PES:
            If you’ve seen Avenue Q, that’s a little closer to the truth, at least when I was living there. Or read Slaves of New York, in which people don’t even dare to break up a bad relationship because it’s easier sticking with a d-bag than finding a new apartment.

            NOBODY has a living room like the ones in Friends when they’re at that income level. I had one where I could sit against one wall of my combination living room/eat-in-kitchen and put my feet up on the sink on the opposite wall. At least that apartment had separate (tiny) rooms for the EIK and the bedroom (which fit a twin bed, a night table, and not much else–real cozy, when my then-boyfriend stayed over), with an equally tiny bathroom between the other two rooms. This was in Queens, of course: I couldn’t have afforded a broom closet in Manhattan.

          7. Thanks PSE, ah I did not realise there was a hidden agenda with ‘Friends’. That’s very interesting to know. I’m sure sharing with housemates is not as glam as they make it seem!

          8. Violetta: I did not see Avenue Q. There is also a somewhat vintage Broadway show named: Rent. I did not see neither. It is funny that you mention Avenue Q, because if I remember correctly, the staging of the Play Avenue Q caused some controversy as part of the story line of the tv series Big Little Lies, that we watched as an Assessment Event, by HG Tudor, on this site: many of us watched the series Big Little Lies together, here on Narcsite, and then we assessed the Narcissistic or Empathic traits of all the main characters. I wrote a post earlier on this page, where many viewers of Sex and the City, also complained that Sarah Jessica Parker could not have afforded her apartment in Manhattan, and without a roommate, with that job she had, similar to what you are saying about a certain large living room in that other sitcom, Friends. Hollywood is so funny, at times.

          9. Wait? Does that mean Superman can’t really fly and Wonder Woman doesn’t have a lasso Of truth and Starsky and Hutch didn’t really have that red and white car as a cop car and there wasn’t a real cop who sucked lollipops and asked who loves you baby? Who knew it’s all fictional?

          10. Violetta: Why are you calling me PES, rather than PSE. It is fine either way, but I noticed this yesterday, and yesterday, I thought you made a typo. And anyway, if I do not say anything, I may be called PES by everyone at some point. I already have someone saying I played a sport in college that I never played, and he has been saying this about me to other people for years now, and I should have stopped him more earnestly and rigorously than when I tried to stop him, years ago. Now it is somewhat too late. Hahaha (long story). If it is not a typo, I absolutely have no problem with it at all.

          11. Dearest HG: I do know that Superman and Super heroes, appeal to many people`s desire, consciously or subconsciously to be saved from a lot of the mess in this life. The populace can have a mini catharsis, along with some snacks, when superheroes save the day on the screen at least, anyway. Wonder woman appeals to the modern notion of the strong, independent, beautiful, powerful, and single woman, that can also overpower a male mentally, psychologically and physically, when she wants to. I wonder where are all these superwomen in current war torn countries. Starsky and Hutch is a promotion to the populace that cops are good, bad boys and not bad, bad boys. And that cops are actually good just servants of the people and that they are truly just sweet loving men, when not strapped up with their weaponry and badges and billy clubs and tasers and pepper spray and handcuffs and kevlar vests,etc. So, why are so many people distrustful of cops, in real life, then. And the car? Good question. But, I do not know what the cars look like in that place and at that time, to know whether it is an outlier or not, as you are possibly suggesting. HOWEVER, I do know that the car is not a Tesla.

          12. Dearest HG: You are right. I did miss your point. lol. I was driving very fast and quite furiously in the E.T. lane, driving and thinking about Hollywood and these popular shows, and all the social manipulation going on. And I missed your point, indeed. hahaha. But, now I see a Logical Thinking detour sign just up ahead. I will be leaving this highway of E.T. shortly. Thank you for the ~WARNING~ sign.

          13. Mr.HG
            which concept is more appealing to you, an overpowered man with surnatural powers, or a real human whith incridible strenght and intellect?

          14. Well you are faster than a 5-G connection delivering thermonuclear logic blasts throughout the universe. And you have a vast army of Ultra weaponized Tudorites at the ready for any disturbance in the force. Can Superman or Spiderman say that?

          15. Princess:
            It was a typo, and I am sorry.

            I can proofread everybody else, but I can’t proof myself.

            Apologies in advance: I think I just did it again on my last post on Seinfeld.

            😞

          16. Liza: regarding the anime, One Outs. I said the lead character reminded me of HG, not because of the hair color, like you thought, but (1) because he is an elite Narcississt and he empowers that team, just because he feels like it, because it meets his primary aims at this time, and(2) he is steps ahead: a. of the Owners who do not want to pay him his contracted due and are constantly attempting to cheat him, but fail, and b. his own Teammates, who, often think he is pursuing a bad strategy although they comply with his directions, and it works, but he is so smart that they are still puzzled by him and suspicious of him, and c. the Opponents of the team he is now on, who are determined that he, a Pitcher out of nowhere, will not build up such a historically weak team, on their watch. (3) And although he is the protagonist, he is a bit of the bad boy as well, who was mainly a street gambler first, an outlier, and an athlete second, that now is in the role of an athlete first, more prosocial, but he still understands the psychology of people that he utilized in gambling, in his new role as a Pitcher on this weak team. (4) And he conserves his energy a lot. The manager wants him to practice and to go through the paces before each game, and he refuses, and he told the manager he does not need to do that. That he is already prepared without doing so. I can tell you never watched One Outs at all, when you mentioned hair color, as the reason that I said that the main character reminded me of HG. It is a very good anime. Only, I can not remember where we were having this discussion, so I am just dropping it here.

          17. Violetta
            “I can proofread everybody else, but I can’t proof myself.”
            Haha, me when I detect ET in my friends vs. when I’m checking my own behaviour. We all need good Editors in our life.

          18. PSE in my home country and in many countries in Asia it is normal for adults to live with their parents while still single. Sometimes even after they are married. Some of the families I know from my home country who migrated here in the US would buy a huge million dollar home and live in it together with their adult and married siblings and their elderly parents. They all pitch in with all of the costs and it actually allows them to save money and eventually afford their own home. To them it’s better to be roommates with the family that you love and trust. In urban areas like where my grandmother lived, her house was surrounded by the houses or her adult and married children and it was fun for me and my cousins to be so accessible to each other and play together any time of the day. Extended family ties there is very strong and parents don’t mind their kids living with them, in fact a lot of parents love it. And a lot of kids do it for practical reasons because the salary is normally not enough for them to afford to rent.

          19. MommyPino: I am sure that you know that I know about family homes. But, anyway, I am not speaking of family compounds, and mansions and homes with directional suites and wings and floors and extensions, and such homes with a southern suite or branch, etc. or with a west end, etc., and multi storied homes, etc. actually designed for many family members to live together as adults, Like Downton Abbey or The Kennedy Compound, etc, and other homes and mansions designed that way. There are plenty of family homes in the United States, and I think you know that I know this.

            But, they are NOT the norm. I am speaking of regular families, with regular homes that are not designed space-wise and privacy-wise with the space and privacy and independence needs for children that grow up therein to become adults with adult lifestyles. Where, if the adult children do not move out, the ADULT children will have no privacy and no independence and will be subject to live under parental rules, including which way to squeeze the toothpaste, what time is acceptable to come home each night, and whom can visit and at what time and for how long, and how loud the TV can be played, and to make sure they only listen to music with their earphones on, and to not leave the light on, and what chores they are responsible for and why and when and what, about many house rules of their parents, etc. etc. etc. and these ADULT children will get on the nerves of their parents and their parents will get on their adult childrens` nerves as well, as they dwell together.

            Family homes are great, but even with the luxury of family homes, many adult children still want more independence, even in those cases, as well, and many want to move further away from close parental influence, as well. But many young adults need roommates in order to do so, because often their parents refuse to supplement them if they leave the family home, and many of the young adults` jobs do not support independent single living of practically any dignity at all without roommates. This is becoming an economic problem in the U.S. And many young adults of a couple or more generations are contemplating and living the life in the basements of their parents home, so to speak, and at an older an older age, because they are stagnated or failing economically. And these adult children are not happy about this state of affairs, no matter how many Hollywood sitcoms portray them as laughing and singing and dancing about all this.

            This economic decline in the U.S. was the topic of an economic forum that I watched that I was discussing with Alex and Violetta and Lorelei, and the panel was reporting: That for the first time in the U.S., the Country is in an era where the children are not doing as well as their parents, economically. And the TV sitcom called Friends was an attempt by Hollywood to glamorize this disturbing economic scenario and thus make it look fun and cool and hip for many young adults to be forced to struggle for housing and with the necessity of sacrificing privacy for rent sharing and bill sharing roommates, just to be able to leave the parental nest. In this economic climate, this is a big problem for many young adults in the U.S., and a problem for many of their parents, that did not want, nor plan, nor envision the encumbrance of their adult children failing to be able to leave the nest and branch out.

            Maybe, many people from other countries believe this is a problem that does not affect them. But, the U.S. is one of if not the greatest consumer of international products on this planet. In fact, many industries over here were suppressed and even destroyed by the government and various govt. policies in order to force the populace in the U.S. to purchase from overseas on behalf of various trade agreements made with other countries. And their is rising U.S. citizenry backlash regarding this suppression, as well. The U. S. is a costly nation based on consumerism. And if these young adults in large numbers start to feel uninspired to consume, there will be a trickle down effect all over the world, in general. And many products created to be sold here, from other countries, will just sit in factories, or in inventory and on shelves or in multitudes of warehouses and in barrels, and in supertankers, all over the world, but they will not be purchased over here. Trickle down economics. But, in a bad way for other countries.

          1. No, K, it’s in your brain, which is amazing. I don’t know what you do for a living, but I hope it utilizes your astonishing memory and that you are properly appreciated and financially compensated.

          2. Violetta
            Thank you! I’m a volunteer school librarian and I am properly appreciated, not so much financially compensated, but I love what I do and my memory comes in handy when searching for books.

      2. Goodness! I’ve read them all now K.

        So much vitriol from her and completely unwarranted. And she’s so oblivious too.

        I know we’ve all seen the odd poster who spouts off on here but I don’t recall anything on that level before.

        Tudourites called it. Not a PhD candidate. Not in my book.

        Thanks HG for the education. Invaluable as always. 💛

        1. My pleasure Renarde!
          You are correct; you commented on The House of Tudor thread re: PD. Hahaha…she was quite the festive character. I agree; the education here is superlative.

          1. Ha ha K! Yes, my contribution wasnt in the threads youd supplied.

            And shes back it seems!

          2. The quantity would be low – written material and from around 6-12 sources.
            Potency would be low – tertiary sources.
            Frequency – intermittent and sporadic.

            Expectation would be for more.

          3. HG
            Noted and thank you. I forgot; we are tertiary sources and that makes a big difference.

          4. K, do you know where to find the PD-posting-as-Anonymous thread described in the convo below?
            _-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
            NarcAngel says:
            July 13, 2019 at 12:08
            Mercy and Woke

            Pamela was here previously under different names (Pamela Dianne and Anonymous are two) exhibiting certain behaviours conducive to study. Part of that study is that they always hoover and she has demonstrated that. Can’t remember which thread.

            She’s a seagull. Shithawk.

            Mercy says:
            July 13, 2019 at 18:39
            Ahh a shithawk haha. I like it! I remember reading anonymous a few days back

            Sweetest Perfection says:
            July 13, 2019 at 19:33
            But no! The apocalyptic message was phenomenal, HG! Mercy, you need to find that one. She started cursing everyone. I’m almost sure her head was spinning when she posted it.

          5. K, Pamela much be overflowing with fuel given all this interest in her. Expect another appearance shortly to add to the collection!

          6. Oh my! That old thread was entertaining. ‘Well done for knowing you are a c*nt.’ Best laugh I’ve had all week!

          7. K:

            On the first one. I take it Red Hen, Fuck You, and April are all the same person?

            I’ve seen better arguing on bathroom walls.

          8. Violetta
            Hahahaha…I am fairly certain that they are one and the same. It’s very eye-opening!

      3. K: The first link you provided had this older link in it with an earlier appearance of Pamela:

        https://narcsite.com/2019/06/13/5-common-no-contact-mistakes-no-2-5/#comments

        The only thing I know that compared with it is one of those insecticide foggers we had to use when the raccoons chewed a whole in our roof and filled the house with fleas. You got everything you needed out of the room, started the fogger, left the room, closed the door, and if possible left the house entirely for a few hours while the fogger spewed toxins in every direction.

        1. Violetta
          Thank you and noted. She has made quite the impression here to say the least. Your analogy is apt. Back away from the Narcissist, then turn around and run away really fast so their toxins can’t reach you. NC really is the way to go.

          1. Thanks K, that was very entertaining.

            “Are you going to tell these people you come running to me when you start choking on your own bullshit?

            Are you going to tell these people you chase off any other men interested in me?”

            I am deceased!

    1. You guys, I took a look at a couple of “Pamela vs common sense“ exchanges, I think I know a few of such people in real life. And funny thing is, they either already have or are working on their PhD, too 🤣 As one of my uni professors used to say, education doesn’t turn an idiot into a smart person; it turns him into an educated idiot, which is the worst.

      1. It sure didn’t do anything for a classmate I privately nicknamed “Evil Bitch-Monster from Hell” (Buffy reference).

      1. Oh you can have fun with this one Lorelei! She will have to google everything you write, there is no way that she would ever understand the words you use at times! 😂

          1. Ahh, gotcha!

            They do abound, dont they?

            Actually it makes you wonder doesn’t it? A narc rocks up to a website run by a Greater, with weaponised Empaths and we are all seeing it. So the folding back in their mind must be immense.

            Like, we must ALL be wrong. Surely a sane person would question that? I know they wont though. I guess we are just a brain washed cult, right?

            You ok btw?

          2. I’m quite good and thanks for asking. I’m over the moon excited for a few upcoming projects and it occurred to me that without “this” and “all of you” and HG it would not have been possible to gain back so much peace. By the way-I have a contractor here that I’m absolutely flirting with. He’s absolutely gorgeous and I plan to attack him.

          3. Lorelei

            You go girl! I’m glad you are ok x

            Now, you must report back to Tudor Towers on your shenanigans!

            I’m reading the tarot right now. I’ve never had so many major arcana come up in a spread. Plus aces and courts. Only 5 minor arcana in 20. That’s really rare.

          4. My shenanigans are fruitful but I’m afraid to report progress or what I did to him to get the point across. I’ve already been branded as a dangerous narcissist. I guarantee we will be having dinner soon. He’s really tall. Spanish, smart, and beautiful. I won’t date anyone regularly but he’s too lovely not to break bread with.

          5. Lorelei, you dangerous narc, you! I’m afeared to speak to you! 🤣🤣🤣

            Good luck with the Spaniard!

  4. HG,

    You write, “It is no secret that you have the key to the narcissistic universe in your hands now.”

    In our hands *now* makes me wonder: What if you were writing–on a scroll rather than on a screen–in Ancient Roman times and the key to the narcissistic universe were available to empaths back then?

    Would you have changed the course of history via your classical work?

    Would Jesus Christ even have had any chance with all those enlightened empaths buzzing about the Empire?

  5. We sure do have the secrets now. The secret is that there is no secret. Just madness.

    All of them are just dangling carrots or facades.

    There’s nothing to see under the cloak but black. Secrets haha. My own curiosity was a big problem. I don’t feel that way anymore.

    If someone wants to tell me something, they will.
    If someone doesn’t want to tell me something, the won’t.

    Either way, it actually tells me an awful lot about the person with the secret.

    I learned years ago not to bother arguing with stupid.

    I only just learned not to bothering arguing with crazy.

    Walk away. Simple.

    We are always learning here!

          1. Njfilly,
            Pamela is a narcissist that at times shows up on here to see how much fuel she can gather. She changes her name and does not change anything else, so HG always knows that it is her. She is not the brightest lightbulb out there.

          2. FM1T:

            Oh I see. Interesting.

            How do you know she is a narcissist? Not that I’m doubting you. She is just a random blog commentor? How does she gain fuel?

          3. 1. She is as a consequence of the evidenced behaviours on this blog and in other places. She demonstrates repeated and sustained patterns of behaviour which confirm that to be the case.
            2. She gains fuel from responses from people, like any narcissist would do.

          4. Thank you for your response. I don’t think I would be able to recognize it.

            Are you able to determine school and cadre based simply on comments in a blog? Am I correct in assuming she must have a very small fuel matrix since she seeks out fuel from tertiary sources?

          5. I am.

            I also often have the advantage of additional material also because the narcissist invariably email me as well.

            Her proximate fuel matrix is small. She resorts to utilising online tertiary and secondary sources also.

          6. Very interesting. Can you reveal her school and cadre and how you came to that conclusion?

            Also, why do they email you directly? To challenge you in some way? Or to obtain fuel?

          7. They are unconsciously seeking to assert control over me and therefore they email to try and achieve that.
            Some emails will be flirtatious, some will be pity plays, some will attack me. I have a huge folder of material.

          8. njfilly
            Pamela showed up a few months ago, masquerading as some sort of self-proclaimed narc tamer, bragging about how she is currently doing her doctorate and how she is far superior to anybody else. We like her because she is easily irritated and then starts rambling about how we should “by an enciklopediah”

          9. Thank you for your response Desiree.

            I guess I am missing all the fun. I love to irritate the easily irritated. (I assume that to be one of my narcissistic traits)

          10. I think she’s as much mentally ill than anything—the narcissism of course if HG says but the mental illness that seems evident really taints the picture. It’s unfortunate absolutely. It would be great material to see HG write about—mental illness with psychosis co-morbid with different character traits (strands?) of narcissism. For instance, how would sadism potentially appear in the psychotic person. I have a patient in mind that is extremely dangerous as she is psychotic and a psychopath but I can’t divulge any detail on here as is very google-ready material. It’s interesting and certainly I don’t attribute criminal elements or insinuate it toward Pamela. What bothers me though is this—severe abuse I believe can break the mind and create narcissism all in one package. (Or genetics and/or genetics)
            It is very very unfortunate. It’s also unfortunate that my children’s father had such trauma he became what he is as he is otherwise an attractive and bright man. This disorder makes me ache for kids actively developing it due to their environments. I know not all narcissists were abused but many were and/or neglected. It’s a really messed up universe.

          11. Lorelei
            I had to put my reply on this thread because nothing seems to work on the Cyber Monday thread.
            About the wet paper towel or your ex. HG has done many narc detectors for me, the last that he did I had very little information to give him, however the information I gave him in the summary I wrote before the questions was enough for him to determine yet another narcissist in my life. The man is a genius! 🙃

          12. What’s so great about a doctorate? I know people who make less money as adjunct professors than they could get proofreading comic books.

            And those are the ones who finished.

      1. Pamela
        For the purposes of online shapeshifting, might I suggest to not only change your name, but perhaps your profile picture as well. Your adress is also visible to HG. What’s your favourite colour Pamela, black or white?

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