I recently invited readers to pen the letter that they would like to send to the narcissist that they entangled with. Here is the letter which ‘JJ’ would like to send. Does it mirror your sentiments and experience at all? How do you think the narcissist would react to receiving this?

“Hey sorry I didn’t respond to your text. I wanted to, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean what do I say to someone as amazing as you. You’re so much better than me. I didn’t want to disappoint you again so I didn’t respond.  I hope you didn’t think it was because I wasn’t interested. I will always love you and I have thought about you every day. I know you are busy with law school and I have no idea how you manage to balance it all. You were always so much smarter than me.  I feel terrible about the way things ended but you were right to break up with me.  You were so good to me and I didn’t deserve you. I was so insecure and dramatic, always starting fights with you. We were so different. You with your superior etiquette, wealth and private schools and me with my inability to keep up. You were right, I took out my insecurity of not being good enough by accusing you of still wanting your ex and for that I was wrong. Of course she still texted you and wanted you. Who wouldn’t. How could I not see that you starting law school in February after quitting your job and deciding to apply in January was way more important than our June wedding. I should have just changed the date like you wanted. You were right. I was so dumb to think you should have discussed it more with me before you quit your job and changed careers.  You decided you wanted to go to law school and I should have not been so selfish to expect you to worry about something as trivial as our wedding. I can’t believe I didn’t listen to someone as smart and cultured as you. Any girl would be lucky to have you. I was so poor and unpolished when you found me. I was insecure about my family not being able to pay for the wedding and I took that out on you. You were right, you were doing my family a favor by paying and planning a wedding we could never afford without you. Everything I am I owe to you. I know you spent a lot of money on the engagement ring and I want to give it back to you. I don’t deserve to keep such an expensive ring. You’re right, you should give that ring to someone who deserves your love. On the back of this letter I wrote down a time and a place for us to meet and for me to give you back the ring. I know it sounds silly but I just want to see you. Please meet me at the location and time on the back of this letter. Hope to see you soon.
Forever yours,
JJ”

(Back of letter)
“Just kidding you lying piece of shit. I know you cheated on me our entire relationship with your fat ex and probably a dozen other people at least. I say people because I am not sure they were all women.  That’s ok though because I know you probably didn’t have sex with any of them since you’re some asexual freak. I also know you didn’t break up with me because I was stressing you out with wedding planning, we were all of the sudden incompatible and you just needed to be single for awhile while you get through law school. It was because when you asked me if I think you are stellar I said no. Who asks someone if they think they are stellar. You are so pathetic. I bet you even thought I really meant the front side of this letter too. Don’t contact me again when you fail out or decide to change careers for the tenth time because I don’t care about you anymore.”

I have a busy day today. Much to do and many people to do it to but when you have someone’s interests at heart, well, this is what you have to do isn’t it? I have the list of telephone numbers which I have noted down from your telephone when I gained access to it. It was not difficult to do so. Using my famous ability to move around without making much of a noise I stole up behind you and watched you enter the passcode for your phone and I stored that in my memory to enable me to use it when you were sleeping. Naturally I had a good look through all your messages, your diary and e-mails but that is for another discussion. I recognised the names of numerous people and made a note of their numbers inside my little book and then hid that in readiness for when I decided it was time I needed to use it. Now that time has come and it is incumbent on me to take this step.

The first number I enter into my phone is that of Sarah, a friend of yours. She answers after two rings. Like many people she is surgically attached to the ‘phone.

“Hello Sarah it is HG. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, since you are such a good friend of hers, that Gemma is, well I think the easiest way to describe it is that she is not well, not well at all. What do I mean? She has been acting rather strangely. The slightest thing seems to either have her shouting or crying. At first I wondered if it was just, you know, women’s things, but it has been going on for months now. You had no idea? No I know, I have not said anything before because well I was hoping I could help her  deal with it but it is beyond even me. I am going to get her some help. I try and talk to her about it but she just clams up on me, gives me silence and then a little later accuses me of not caring. I don’t think she is sleeping properly either and it takes me an age to get her to eat. Should you come round? No, thank you, that is kind of you, but I don’t want her to do anything which might upset you. She is very erratic in her behaviour but it is something more than just mood swings. I am going to get her the proper help but I am just forewarning you that if she contacts you just be aware that she is not herself. She has been saying things about people, me included, which are not very nice and I don’t want this period of illness to affect her relationship with her friends, you know how some people can be overly sensitive to what someone says and they miss the point they are unwell. Yes, that’s right. Yes I think it would be a good idea if you just give her some space. Yes, absolutely. If she does contact me, let me know, you have my number on your ‘phone now. Yes I will pass on your kind words and thanks for your help Sarah, it is much appreciated at this difficult time.”

I end the call and place a tick next to Sarah’s name. She was most understanding and fully appreciate the need for space in order to allow you to get better. Now, who is next. Ah yes, another of your friends, Helen. I call Helen and explain the situation almost word-for-word as I did with Sarah. She asks more details about what is wrong and I reluctantly tell her about the violence and the lying. She is shocked I can tell and she spends some time searching for an amateur diagnosis as to what it might be. I listen as she drones on, checking my watch and noting I have other names to get through too. Eventually I am able to conclude the call and place another tick. I continue working my way through your list of friends, the ticks adding up. Next is John, your fitness instructor.

“Hello John, this is HG, Gemma’s partner. We haven’t met. Look John, difficult call to make but Gemma is unwell at present. It is pretty serious. Yes, thank you, it is a difficult time but I am doing the best I can to help her. It is unclear at present what it is, I am organising for a doctor to come and see her today but it is making her very difficult to be around. She may be suffering from some kind of breakdown brought on by exhaustion. Yes, it is a worry. I know you would not have thought it to look at her outside of our house but I think this has been brewing for some time, you know, she even started telling me that she was going to marry you. Yes I know that is ridiculous isn’t it? You are already married? I thought you were. Don’t worry, I know nothing is going on, I am sure you are far too professional for that kind of thing, but this is part of the problem, she keeps coming out with outlandish comments and I can handle it but I worry others might not so she won’t need your services until further notice. Payment? Well yes if she has an agreement with you then just continue to take her monthly payment after all this is not your fault is it? I will let you know when she is well again but just in case she tries to contact you I think it would be best if you don’t take her calls, I don’t want her causing you any trouble especially between you and your wife. Thank you John, your discretion is appreciated.”

Another tick and a similar call is made to your choral group and your book club. Next is your employer. I made you take today off under the pretence of you gaining a lie in and then us doing something together. We stayed up late last night so you are still fast asleep upstairs allowing me to make these important telephone calls. Your employer is understanding and I can confirm that arrangements will be made to provide the relevant doctor’s note because I explained this situation is likely to last a number of weeks. My preparation thus segues into arranging for the local doctor to make a house call after I explain to the receptionist, in worried tones, that having you leave the house in your current state might be a risk to both you and other people. She was most understanding and confirmed that a doctor would attend after surgery, around 5pm. Next on the list are your family members. I secured the advantage of persuading you to move with me away from them and they are now a flight away. The inconvenience of having to fly and the distance is something I play on as I call your parents and your sister, forewarning them that they may experience some unpleasant comments about them and especially me given her condition. I assure them that I am taking care of you and there is really no need for them to come all this way. I confirm I will keep them updated and they are pleased I have taken time off work to care for you and that I have arranged for a doctor to attend. I spend considerable time reeling off examples of the terrible behaviour you have exhibited, explaining the awful things I have been subjected to and the lies you have told about me, your friends and family. I explain that I can deal with it but I just feel so sorry for your parents and your sister having to hear such things and in order to prevent it happening again the best thing is to contact me and not you and to keep you at arms’ length. I explain I understand that it is hard but it will be the best outcome for all concerned if you are prevented from lashing out and hurting people. My explanations and good intentions are accepted and thanks is offered for my understanding and support.

The final tick is placed on the list and I place both ‘phone and pen down. I really should go and wash my hands now after smearing all that mud around.

 

How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?

I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.

There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?

Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.

One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging message. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.

Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.

Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?

1. In respect of a male somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
2. If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
3. If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
4. There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
5. The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earning to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
6. The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
7. The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
8. There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
9. If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
10. If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
11. If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess of proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
12. References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
13. The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
14. If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
15. Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
16. The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.

The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.

If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.

1. They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sights will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
2. Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
3. You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
4. You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
5. You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
6. The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
7. The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
8. You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
9. The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.

A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.

It is a beautiful late afternoon as you open the front gate and step out onto the path. Birdsong fills the air and you can feel the warmth of the golden sun that hangs in an azure sky embracing your shoulders and neck. Flowers grow about your feet, nestling at the side of the path marking the route onwards, a colourful guide so that you can readily view the way ahead. You adjust the basket that hangs in the crook of your arm, a basket that is stuffed with delicious fayre, forbidden fruits and other enticing goodies that are meant for another. You smile and begin walking, a spring in your step as you hear a voice call out from behind you,

“Stay on the path, do not stray from the path.”

You smile again at this warning. You know all about not straying from the path, it is all you have been told for some time. The warnings and the cautionary tales about what happens when you stray from the path began as frightening tales told before bed time but their foreboding content has lessened as you have blossomed. You still smiled politely as older heads than yours warned you about what lay in the forest beyond the path, of waiting predators that are red of tooth and claw. These once dreaded fables are no more than an opportunity for you to curry favour as you kneel next to the wise one and listen, showing attentiveness, but your mind has drifted elsewhere. Your thoughts dwell on whether those supposed savages do exist deep within the darkness of the forest or whether they are just lost souls, poor fellows abandoned by the world who lurk amidst the shadows of tree and bush, not because they seek to do harm but because they have been shunned and know no other way of behaving. You contemplate whether if they were shown love, caring and affection that these wild folk might just be welcomed back and then be able to prove they are not the threat that they are always held out to be.

The tales from those older and more experienced had less of an effect on your reasoning and this soon gave way to listening to the stories from your peers. One of your friends swore she saw one of these supposed savages watching her from a hillock within the forest. She spoke of how he watched her intently with the most mesmerising and piercing eyes which made her feel wanted but in a good way. You all giggled as she recounted this tale, a flush of desire making its way up her chest and neck. Another of your group recollected of how she also saw one of these apparent beasts. He was gathering firewood and she stopped to watch his lithe and frankly alluring figure as he stooped amongst the foliage, gathering logs. She smiled as she told how he turned and caught her watching, but she felt no alarm as he too fixed her with a most penetrating look and then slowly ran his tongue across his lower lip. Your friend places her hand to her mouth and confesses to ‘that’ warm feeling down below as he continued to regard her. You admit you felt a pang of jealousy as the gathering desires of womanhood began to flow through your blossoming body and you longed for your own encounter with one of these mysterious forest dwellers.

You skip along the meandering path as you recall these stories and others, wondering how much is truth and how much is just the product of an over-active imagination. You like to think it is the former and with that in mind you chose your best dress and stole a little of your elder sister’s make-up, carefully applying the blood red concoction of beeswax and crushed bright red berries to your lips as you formed a cupid’s bow wondering if he too waited amongst the trees ready to fire one of his love arrows through your heart. You shrugged off the disapproving look from your father as you explained your appearance was such to look your best for your grandmother. The small smile that your mother gave you as she handed you the laden basket told you she knew otherwise.

Some time into your journey through the forest the flowers become less as the amount of light which percolates through the canopy above becomes reduced. The trees are numerous, stretching up high into the sky and occasionally you stop and look up towards the tree tops, feeling dizzy as you do so. A breeze gathers and the trees sway a little as the eddies of wind disturb the bushes that grow besides the path. You can still see the way ahead but it is not as a pretty now, but you are not concerned, you have walked this path so many times before. Admittedly, that was with your parents or later with your elder sister and now this is the first time you have been allowed to venture out into the vast forest yourself, hence the warnings to stay on the path.

You scurry along, almost tripping on a long thorny vine which has grown across the path. The route through the forest is less distinct now, the moss and wild grass obscuring it in places, the bushes encroaching on to it but you press on regardless. You feel the first splash of rain land on your nose and then another. You halt and set the basket down so you can lift your hood about your head and keep your carefully pinned hair dry. You stoop and collect the basket once again, moving neatly and efficiently in the manner that you have been taught, bending at the knees and straightening carefully. You are about to continue your walk when you hear a noise, a strange guttural sound which seems to come from nowhere and everywhere. You cock your head but do not hear it again as you step forward and resume your journey.

The noise comes again and you spin around before letting out a gasp. There is a man stood right behind you on the path, tall and handsome and your surprise immediately gives way to round-eyed admiration at this elegantly dressed stranger clad in emerald green. He lifts his hat and gives an exaggerated bow. His gaze returns to you, a pair of dark, dark eyes which seem to bore right into you but you can help but stare at the glinting and mesmerising pupils.

“Good day young lady,” he says with a deep and rich voice which makes you feel strange inside but in a good way, “what are you doing alone in the forest on the cusp of evening?”

“I am going for a walk, to my grand mother’s house,” you answer firmly and stand as tall as you can.

“Alone?” he asks again.

“Yes. What of it?” you ask as those glittering eyes dart left and right.

“Oh nothing save that a young lady so pretty as you should not be left unaccompanied.”

“I know the way,” you answer.

“Perhaps you do but the way knows you better,” he answers and smiles showing a toothy grin.

“My what a lot of teeth you have,” you cannot help but remark.

“Yes, all the better to eat the beasts of the forest with,” he answers.

“You eat the animals in the forest?”

“Of course, how else am I to survive, anything that comes through this forest belongs to us.”

“Us? There are more of you?”

“Indeed, this forest is ours, it is our hunting ground.”

“So the stories are true then,” you declare in a tone that is a mixture of wariness and delight.

“Very true.”

“So where did you spring from, how did you know I was here?” you ask as your eyes never leave this handsome and beguiling stranger.

“Oh nearby, but it was not difficult to miss you,” he says and reaches out a hand to touch your blood red and vibrantly coloured cloak.

“This made you stand out from everything else,” he adds.

“My grandmother made it, she told me she chose red because it is the colour of danger, a warning if you will,” you reply.

“So it is and such an attractive shade of red if I may say so, so recognisable and obvious.”

“Recognisable as what?” you ask.

“Oh that does not matter,” he says quickly, “may I escort you ? I know a short cut to your grandmother’s house, just through here,” He proffers his arm as he points through the trees. You peer into the gloom and then look back at him. You pause for a moment but that gaze of his, those eyes which seem to promise so much of that which you want to experience draw you in and you have to, you want to obey.

“Of course, that is most kind of you, ” you say politely. He nods and he stands by your side as you begin to walk. You look ahead and fail to see the red glow around those dark eyes and the especially long tongue which has slid from his mouth and run across the top of all those now sharp, white teeth. He begins to talk as he steers you towards the trees and off the beaten path…..

 

 

One of our aims when we entangle you is to cause the equivalent of you feeling as if you are being buried alive. Doing this keeps you in our grip and under our control. For some people, the thought of being buried alive causes them considerable terror. The concept of being bound and dropped into a prepared hole in the ground, lying against the cold, damp earth as the first shovel load of earth lands on you, dirt cascading over your face as you blink frantically trying to avoid it going in your eyes. A second shovel load lands, this time more compact and it hits your torso with the equivalent of a moderate punch to the ribs. You shout out but your unknown assailant does not respond as more earth cascades down on to you. You kick and wriggle but soon the earth begins to heap around you, your movements are constrained and you are trying to back up so you can keep your head as high as possible, just as you might do during our devaluation of you, trying desperately to retain some dignity. You continue to shout and scream and you begin to wonder whether you are making any sound at all as there is no response. Your legs are now covered and you are unable to move them now, the weight of the earth on them pinning them into place. Someone else has now taken control of how much you can move and they have deemed that there is to be no movement, at least from the waist down. Still that steady and rhythmic motion can just about be heard above you as the dirt continues to fall, a steady curtain of earth which is creating your tomb. The encroaching earth has moved over your chest and you look down, arms tied in front of you as you lift them up and down breaking the layer of earth for a little longer.

On it continues as more and more dirt tumbles onto you now making it seem as if the ground is swallowing you. How many times had you wished that would happen when you were on the receiving end of one our vicious tirades? You try to move your arms but the weight is too great and now the terror has taken your voice so that your once hearty yells and piercing screams are replaced by a strange strangulated rasp as the cries for help become lodged in your throat, just like the earth will do so very soon. Your pleas to be spared, your bid for clemency and begging for mercy has gone unheeded as the earth continues to rise and you shake your head from side to side, trying to fight off the onslaught. The whole of your body, save for your head, is now paralysed, trapped by the significant load of earth which has been dropped on to you. You can feel your lungs being squashed as your breathing becomes harder. You wish you were dead. A gun shot to the head, quick and instant. That would be better than this lingering, slow and crushing descent into suffocation. Sounds suddenly become muffled and you realise that the earth has now begun to cover your ears. You still twist your head but the room for movement has become even more reduced. Your eyes are shut now otherwise they would be filled with grit and crumbs of dirt. You spit and blow away the earth which lands across your mouth as just an oval of your face breaks the surface of the soil.Your terror and panic is at its zenith and then there is a cessation in the onslaught. You cannot feel anything dropping onto you any more. There is a spark of hope. Is this it? Have you been spared at the last moment? Have you perhaps been rescued, your tormentor now pinned to the ground by the timely arrival of law enforcement? Will it be only a matter of moments before the shovel tentatively digs around you to free you? You blink furiously and open your eyes hoping to see the glare of a flashlight.

Your vision sharpens into focus and you see the silhouette of somebody leaning over the edge of the pit, shovel in hand, peering down at you as if scrutinising you for the last time. You cannot make out any of their features against the darkening sky behind them as they stand and then the earthen rain begins again. You manage to muster a final scream of defiant protestation as the soil begins to gather over your face, covering your eyes, blocking your nose and sealing your mouth as a thousand thoughts flash through your mind, mixing with the terror as you wonder how long you have left?

Such a thought of being buried alive by an unknown aggressor or waking in a coffin having been mistakenly thought dead and thus buried alive, hands scrabbling at the smooth wood, yells and shouts unheard through the coffin lid and heaped earth above, causes considerable anxiety in many people. Such an imagined experience is akin to the way we treat our victims. We control them and restrict them, steadily and effectively, through the always used slice, slice, slice technique as we little by little reduce their movement, just as if we were heaping soil onto them. We create that sense of rising panic as there remains some movement but it is insufficient to escape the looming threat. Through our manipulations we keep you rooted to the spot with nowhere to escape to, nowhere to turn,just as if you are lying helpless in the bottom of a pit.

The steady and repeated accumulation of our manipulations make you feel as if you are being slowly suffocated. You cannot speak without approval or reprimand, your thoughts no longer feel your own as you are left to second guess what we want in order to try to avoid a further consequence. You close your eyes hoping it will all end and then your heart sinks as it does not. Each day you feel the air being drawn from your body, your strength sapping away, the will to fight back being diminished and stolen from you. The walls seems to close in on you, the air becoming stale and foul from you being kept indoors for so such long periods of time, prevented from seeing other people and leaving our sphere of influence. We invade your spaces, reading your messages, your e-mails and post. You have nowhere to go to in order to escape our incessant and all-consuming presence. We are like a weight on your chest, around your neck and about your heart.Your identity is steadily squeezed from you as we impress our thoughts, needs, desires and demands on you. Every day the pressure increases, just like the weight of the earth piling on your chest. You beg and plead for relief from this incessant pressure but just like the silent and unresponsive wielder of the shovel, you receive no respite from us either. The panic rises and the anxiety robs the breath from your lungs, forcing you to gasp as the panic attack takes you in its grip. You are suffocating. You cannot breathe. We are all around you, pressing against you, holding you, pressurising you, leaning on you, invading your space and driving the breath from your body. Being with us is just like being buried alive.

 

What harm could it do to give us one more chance? Like the gambler placing another bet in the hope of winning big, there is everything to gain and not much more to lose really is there? You are down amongst the dead so what could possibly go wrong? Besides, imagine if you did not do so? Imagine that you pass up this opportunity and somebody else takes it? Somebody else benefits from all of your work and they get it right. They do and say the right things so they enjoy the joy of the golden period but this time it lasts forever. It would be like allowing someone ahead of you in the queue and they buy a winning lottery scratchcard from the selection you had your eye on. So near, yet oh so far. Imagine the crushing dejection of knowing that you had it in your grasp but you failed to fllow through and seize the moment. How could you live with yourself thereafter if you failed to act on this glorious chance?

You don’t want to let anybody else gain the advantage do you? Not after everything you have done to steady the ship, to keep things afloat and to steer a sensible course through hazardous waters. You are owed that chance. You are entitled to that magnificent outcome and here it is being offered to you. All you have to do is take hold of it and give us another chance to make things right. Yes, it has failed in the past but did Robert the Bruce give up in his attempts to defeat the English? No he did not, he kept on going didn’t he and I know, I just know that you are made of similar stuff. You have that indefatigable spirit, that is why I hcose you. I knew you would not give up. Too many people let me down, but not you. You aren’t going to do that are you? You have your eyes on the prize. You could not live with yourself if you knew you had given up the chance for us to return to our golden period once again.

I know some people say that past behaviour is the greatest indicator of future behaviour but they are just bitter because they lacked the capacity and the ability to make a change. They wanted to make a difference but they didn’t have the goods. They didn’t have the gumption, the wherewithal, the necessary to do the job. You have. I can tell. I know these things and if you just believe in me this one time then everything will be different. Just one chance. That is all that I am asking for. It isn’t much, not after everything we have been through.

You aren’t going to throw away everything that we have built up are you? I surely do not think that you will do such a thing. You are not like that. You believe in us and you are the one who holds the key to a magical future. Just place the key in the lock, turn it and open the door to me. I will be there waiting. I have all the time in the world. I am not going to go anywhere soon if I know that you are going to continue to believe in me, but if you are going to give up, even though I don’t think you will, well, there are plenty who will take your place. No, I haven’t got anybody lined up, I am not saying that. I am just pointing out that someone as special as me, well, there are people who would be interested, that is all that I am saying. But let’s not talk about them. That is just something which might happen if you make the wrong decision. Not that you will. You are good at making decisions. I know that. You chose to be with me. Oh I know I made it seem like that I came after you but let’s not delude ourselves here, you are the one who made the decision. After all, you are in control of your own destiny aren’t you? I just offered myself to you, you had to make the decision to make that step towards me and you did and do you know why? Because you know. You know that we belong together. You know how we feel about one another. Yes, I know there are difficult times, but that is just what life throws at us but you and I, well, we are better than that aren’t we? I am not trying to influence you because I have ultimate faith in you to do the right thing. You know your own mind. All I am doing is asking yourself whether it is worth throwing away all that we have, all that we can have, just because you will not give me another chance?

I know you are someone who believes in the power of love. I do too. Love is all that we need and what you and I have, well, nobody else really understands it do they? I know what people say about me and you being together, but it is all jealousy. Are you going to let the outrageous comments of others deny you your happiness? I would not think that for a moment you would conceivable allow that to happen. You are your own person. I have always respected that. I gave you what you needed. I know at times I might be a hard task master but I did it for us because it is only when you are truly and sorely tested that you can tell that it is love. Anybody can love like the books and the films. Anybody can be on top of their game when they have no worries and no concerns. A real test of a relationship is when the chips are down, when your backs are against the wall when it is against all odds. It is when somebody else interferes, wants what you have and you have to fight for what you want. You have. I have seen the fire and the determination in your eyes because I know you want me. You want us to be together. We have been tested, repeatedly, but have we not come through it? Have we not come out on the other side and we are better for it? Our love has become stronger because we have been tested and we survived that test. Are you going to let all of that go to waste just because I say some things in the heat of the moment? That is passion for you, you bring it out in me, I cannot help it that you cause these emotions to erupt from me. Would you rather me be a cold and heartless shell? Of course you would not. I am what I am and I am a cauldron which you manage to stir because that is how you and I are. Other people hurl their opinions around, I know they do, I am not stupid, I know what they say, but they do not understand you and me. They do not have what we have and they are misguided at best and jealous at worst.

So, give me another chance. It is easy and we have so, so much to look forward. There is nothing really more you can lose is there by trying again, but if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if?” and it will drive you demented not knowing what might have been if you had trusted your instinct and allowed me back.

Let’s do it. Let’s create our wonderful world again. Just you and me.

Just say yes.

 

Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.

No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.

Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.

Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?

Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.

You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.

Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.

Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.

I can hear my ‘phone ringing.

The narcissist moves amongst people and is often regarded as a wonderful person, a delight to be around and a positive darling. Few realise, at least, not until it is too late that he or she is the proverbial wolf in sheep’s clothing as those dead, coal-black eyes focus on their prey and they move in to ensnare their unwitting victim. The narcissist remains the perfect darling for some time until one day the demon is exposed and with it all the demonic and hateful forces that accompany the dark-hearted one. Here the narcissist provides you with further insight into what is going on in his or twisted mind. The key to achieving freedom from the narcissist is to understand him or her. To do this one must delve into his or her mind and see the world as the narcissist does,only then does the illogical suddenly become logical, the strange becomes familiar and the odd finally makes sense. Use this resource of observations and insights from the narcissist himself in order to understand and gain freedom, including a revelatory insight into how the narcissist knows what he or she is doing and why he wants to harness this understanding.

US e-book here

UK e-book here

CAN e-book here

 

Surely you can, yes? Just heap on the compliments. Or maybe be completely compliant? Or maybe you need to follow a lot of the awful ‘advice’ out there about how you can control/manipulate/co-exist with the narcissist. Or you could get weaponised and listen to this instead.

Listen to the insight here