Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead

 

WHY THE NARCISSISTWANTS YOU.jpg

“I’m going to fucking kill you!”

“You’d better do it or you’re dead!”

“I wish you were dead!”

“You are going to die.”

You may well have heard such threats and declarations of intent from our kind. The savage Lesser who has erupted in a volcanic reaction of ignited fury who grabs the kitchen knife and thrusts it through the air towards his victim, the self-pitying Mid Ranger who in a tantrum of impotence and hatred expresses his wish that you were dead or the dread words delivered with the reptilian smile of the Greater ; each school has its own ways of issuing this threat.

Yet, is this just wishful thinking or a solid desire to see you dead? Are these words issued more for effect than the reality of murdering you, causing an ‘accident’ or hoping that some intervening act causes you to be wiped from this mortal coil?

The general position is that we do not actually want you dead in the sense of physically dead. There are notable exceptions, which we shall address below, but it is rare for those exceptions to occur. The fact is that numerous commentators believe that we want you dead and the truth is, we do not. That is another myth that is held about our kind, that it is our ultimate desire, our final expression of victory for us to kill you. It is largely incorrect and here is why :-

  1. A dead appliance is a useless appliance. Your purpose is threefold to us, whether you are a tertiary, secondary or primary source. You are to provide us with fuel, character traits and/or residual benefits and the more important the appliance in our fuel matrix, the more likely that you will provide all three and do so impressively. Accordingly, if you are providing us with the very things that we want and need it makes no sense at all to render you incapable of providing them. But, I hear you ask, what of the appliances that are no longer functioning in the way that we want? A valid question.

Firstly, when you stop functioning in terms of the provision of positive fuel (you do not provide enough/frequently enough/it runs stale) we switch to devaluation and even though we hate you and paint you black for your treachery in no longer fulfilling your specified role through the provision of positive fuel, you still have a role to play. You become the fountain of negative fuel.

Secondly, you still have a role to play with regard to the provision of character traits and residual benefits. You may be supporting us financially, taking care of us, running a household, caring for the children and other matters which not only benefit us day-to-day but support our all important façade.

Thirdly, you are required for the purposes of triangulation with our other appliances and maintaining the provision of fuel as we seek out your ultimate replacement.

Now you ask, what then when we choose to dis-engage, clearly we have no longer       any desire to interact with you at all, why not kill you then? These leads us on to the other reasons why we choose not to kill you.

2. Notwithstanding our contempt for rules, the law and regulations, the higher functioning of our kind are mindful of the adverse interference that comes from nosey law enforcement if we murder you. It brings unwanted scrutiny and the potential to fetter our right to do what we want and we are not so stupid as to act in a way that will blatantly jeopardise that.

3. We treat you as dead without the inconvenience of actually killing you. We effectively delete you when we concentrate on the new IPPS through the new golden period. Accordingly, by ignoring you, removing you from social media postings, blocking you, not answering your messages or calls, then we have ‘killed’ you and this provides us with a far more satisfactory outcome.

4. You are ‘kept alive’ for the inevitable hoover. Although wanting to see you, interact with you or indeed do anything with you at all is last on our list when we have dis-engaged from you, unconsciously there remains that advantage to be achieved by keeping you alive so we can hoover you for fuel (positive or negative) or achieve this as well as bring you back into the Formal Relationship to acquire the other aspects of the Prime Aims. Remember, there has been a considerable investment in you and whilst we ‘kill you’ by putting you from our minds during the golden period with the new IPPS, we will want to draw down on our investment in due course. Accordingly, there is no point physically killing you.

5. There are alternative methods where we can in effect murder you without the potential risk to liberty. The key ways that this is done are as follows :-

a. Character assassination – ( The Paranoia of Character Assassination )

b. Smearing – ( see Smear and Loathing )

c. Silent Treatments – ( The Smiling Assassin )  and ( 17 Salvos of Silence )

d. Devaluation as a whole

Thus whilst we do not physically kill you, we slay your character, your reputation, your self-worth, your sense of existence, your connection to us and still continue to draw fuel from you, something we could not do if you were physically dead.

5. Punishment. By you remaining alive, we are able to punish you. This asserts and maintains our sense of superiority, enables us to draw fuel and ensures that we feel a sense of achievement and retribution against you. It also means we can keep on punishing you, something that could not be done if we were to actually murder you.

6. By stating our intent or desire to kill you, this simple form of threat carries with it the ability to gain fuel from provoking a reaction from you, but also allows the establishment of superiority. It is a simple sentence but one which carries significant power with it. This low usage of energy with maximum impact appeals hugely to our kind and therefore it makes far more sense for us to THREATEN than to EXECUTE. Yes, in that moment we do want to kill you or see you dead because you have done something which has mortally offended us and therefore our reaction in uttering those words is entirely in accordance with a desire to kill but we do not actually do so (and ultimately we do not want to do so) because it goes against our fundamental needs.

Thus for all of these reasons whilst we may say we want you dead or that we want to kill you, the reality is we do not and we will not.

Thus this is the general rule, however, as with all rules, there are exceptions. What are the exceptions when the desire to kill is acted on?

  1. The loss of control through ignited fury. Whilst the ignition of fury can potentially result in any school of narcissist entering a frenzy whereby there is the commission of physical violence, it is the Lesser who is most likely to murder as a consequence of the loss of control. This does not mean that all Lessers will kill, but rather, of all the schools, when there is a serious loss of control resulting in the ignition of fury, then the Lesser will want to kill and can and does kill. The fuel arising from the act, as he stabs, bludgeons, throttles or beats will be significant but not enough to heal the wound that has resulted in the ignition of fury and the loss of control, meaning the murderous act continues until the victim lies dead. Therein the fuel halts from the deceased victim. The narcissist may gain fuel from the reaction of witnesses also but ultimately that burst of fuel has gone with the demise of the victim. The murdering Lesser may use the fact of his killing to gain fuel in the future but as of now, he has lost a major appliance (if for instance he has murdered his IPPS) and therefore he will face a fuel crisis if he does not achieve fuel from alternative sources.
  2. Going, going gone. There are circumstances where the narcissist recognises that the major fuel provider is ‘on the way out’ and thus the fuel is going to be lost anyway. This is not the situation where the appliance is escaping or leaving – our narcissistic perspective of you always belonging to us means that your escape, leaving or departure is not something that will happen because we control you and we will bring you back under our control through a Initial Grand Hoover or through Follow-Up Hoovers. Thus, if someone is about to escape, move away etc, this is not applicable. The situation of Going, Going, Gone applies to where the appliance is at risk of dying. There are two clear situations where this arises ; terminal injury or illness and suicide. In respect of terminal injury or illness, the narcissist knows that the fuel source will not be around for much longer and therefore ‘helping’ this person on their way would appeal to particular narcissists. There also has to be a benefit associated with such an act, namely doing it as an act of revenge for wounding, punishing for railing against the narcissist’s control and such like.

With regard to suicide, if the narcissist recognises that the victim is at a very low ebb and therefore is likely to end their own life and thus deprive (in one final act of defiance) the narcissist of fuel etc, the narcissist will encourage that individual to take their life and push them over the edge. This is rare, but accords with a desire on the part of the narcissist to punish and gain revenge. This punishment and revenge goes beyond that normally experienced and would be as a consequence of a major exposure and/or major wounding. Thus if an individual is in a position whereby suicidal ideation occurs, the narcissist is aware of this and senses that it is likely to occur, the narcissist, in accordance with his or her god-like view of themselves and the need to exact punishing revenge will pressure, cajole, encourage and manipulate to push the victim over the edge so that he or she commits suicide.

3.  Malice. A Greater Narcissist wants you dead. There is no Going, Going Gone scenario which would be harnessed by any of the schools of narcissists. In this instance the malicious and calculating Greater has determined that your death is required. Again, this is rare and the Greater will have evaluated that the loss of a useful appliance is offset by the need to dis-incentivise this individual. There will be no clumsy rage-filled Lesser bludgeoning, or pillow-smothering Mid-Ranger with the dying cancer-ridden parent. Here the Greater sees you as a problem, an obstacle which must be removed. Usually it will be because the Greater recognises that you have access to information which will cause him or her considerable difficulty or that you have the ability to create a significant exposure problem. The Greater will not go down this route lightly, instead he or she will look to manipulate the situation in an alternative manner, but ultimately the Greater’s malicious core, their need for the maintenance of the status quo and their superiority means that sometimes, sometimes there is a need to remove an individual completely. It may be made to be an accident, it may be subtle, it may involve a contract killing, but certain individuals, on rare occasions, will be removed because they pose a threat to the Greater’s plans and control. The individual may be a romantic appliance, a business appliance or a familial appliance, but if the Greater deems their removal necessary and this outweighs the benefits of continued punishment, torture and fuel provision from this individual, then they will be dis-incentivised.

Thus, the prevailing circumstances are that we do not want you dead, no matter how many times it might be threatened, because an alive appliance is a very useful appliance. However, on rare occasions there will be exceptions.

 

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64 thoughts on “Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead”

  1. Pingback: Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead – Jerseydeanne
  2. Pingback: Why The Narcissist Wants You Dead – IamStillSkippy
  3. Both sides can be pushed to the limit. I remember being made to stand mute and motionless in the kitchen while StepNarc (drunk and about to cook himself something to eat) went on about how everyone had disappointed him and how they were going to pay yada yada. While he was bent over looking for a particulat pot in a corner cupboard, my eyes wandered to the selection of sharp knives (he loved to cook). While he ranted I went over the scenario of stabbing him to death. I had no feeling about taking his life at all, but was going over the logistics of the knife being sharp enough (likely), my ability to hit him hard enough from behind to be fatal on the first blow (he was big and muscular and I might hit bone, so unlikely). That if I was unsuccessful what my family would walk in on, and if I were successful, that I was old enough for jail and my mother didnt drive so no one would visit me and Id never see my siblings again (which is comical to me now that it came down to driving but again I was young), All of this in the blink of an eye but without any feeling about taking a life. Then he turned back around and the moment was gone. There were other times when I stood watching him sleep and thought the same. I am a problem solver too and as I saw it-he was the problem.

  4. monsterboy’s seduction was gently strangling while kissing me, his tongue and hand controling my breathing – when i resisted sex on a first date. i didn’t have sex with him then, i didn’t resist the stranglehold though, and i had a dark purple handprint on my neck afterwards.

  5. 3. We treat you as dead without the inconvenience of actually killing you. We effectively delete you…

    Can an N victim do the same, effectively? As in can we “kill” the N by stabbing them in the heart (which beats but does not love or care… so be it) Or does it have reverse effect and provide fuel. As it takes a great deal of our energy to deploy NC and remain so for infinity. I am curious if, though maddening to be ignored we are really NOT ignoring because it usurps so much of our finite energy. Thus fueling the N. Or does the logic boat eventually keep us afloat, once properly built and maintained to let it all go. NC without effort, basically? And true, heart felt (on our part) indifference? Aka: death.

    1. If you go no contact and ignore us, then that wounds us and thus in a sense that ‘kills us’.

  6. Yes Broken Wing. He was trying to get fuel from me. Before finding this site …I used to think that it was about control and the whole Cycle of Abuse thing. Now I see that he was feeding off me. My energy. My life. He is empty really. HG don’t forget my consultation. I replied on 3rd August and haven’t had anything back yet. Its in a different name. THANK YOU SIR.

  7. Suicide ideation gave me the only power that isn’t the N’s. When he would suggest it (without actually SAYING it) the power ideation dissolved. Meaning EVEN THAT he had power over. NOT ME. *I die when he says I die.* So if I were to off myself. It would be: because of him, he knew it, and would somehow both get the “credit” for it and “feel” fueled by it. What a GD catch 22. I can’t even kill myself. The strings are not mine. They belong to the puppeteer: NOT ME. This is all still so eye opening. As an aside — to whomever said “nature” that is a fantastic word. Describing a persons makeup, character and behavior. It helps me see the constellation of them better and the futile effort of not accepting nature. Thankyou!

  8. That’s pretty familiar territory for me. Death has always tryed to “befriend” me in one or another form. I’ve reached the point of almost complete desensitization to the death-related matter. Almost the “death indifference” state.

    I was thinking a lot about suicide during my own childhood and couple of times I was very close to commit it. The big irony is that the sense of GUILT forced me to contemplate it!

    My rebellion jeopardized my parents and all my childhood I heard the phrases like a:
    “Why everyone has the normal (read obedient) children, and we have you!”;
    “Why my abortion wasn’t successful and now I have you?”;
    “Why the fate is so cruel to us and punishes us by having you?”
    “When you die, it would be relief for me”;
    “It is a pity that you didn’t die from that pneumonia”…

    I didn’t felt anger or depression hearing all of those words. I felt GUILT. I’ve always been the problem solver, so I was thinking “If the root of problem is me, then I have to stop my existence. Maybe after that they will be happy and could live normally…”. I really wanted and wished them to be happy, even if that meant to sacrifice my own life! Amazing, how the child’s brain works…

    1. Noname

      Interesting that you felt guilt. I felt none.I do remember thinking (In my youth) on occasion, that it would be easier to just die to escape the madness, but then I’d think thats just the easy way out for me and what would happen to my siblings (and even still my mother at that point). I wanted to survive that house and have them face what failures they were in breaking me. I didnt want them to win. My mother has made comments that she cant believe some of the stuff I remember-that I was so young then. I really think they believe kids memories get wiped at a certain point or that they can say time has passed and we misunderstood. In any case I’m glad youre still here. The reason you rebelled was that you were reacting to a situation that was not normal and you sensed it. The root of the problem was that you were normal but outnumbered, so made to feel like the defective one. You are not, and need carry no guilt, so I hope you have let it go.

      1. Hello, NarcAngel, and thank you for your opinion.

        I don’t know whether I fully understood the “abnormality” of my family situation or not, but I felt pretty distinctly that their demands and behaviour were in constant contradiction with my own Nature.

        When I tryed to be “better” for them (especially for my mother), I felt that I’m loosing myself. It wasn’t me who was earning “A” marks or playing Mozart to exhaustion. It wasn’t me. It was someone else and I didn’t like “her”. So, I fought for myself.

        Now, I understand that nothing can “beat” the Nature. Every war against Nature invariably leads to defeat. Sooner or later. You can deceive the Nature for certain period of time, but after that you are going to pay your price.

        I don’t have any sense of guilt now. I’m not trying to prove anything to anyone. I just live as I want. I understand that we (my family members and I) were too different to live in harmony together. Not their fault. Not my fault. Just life as it is.

  9. June,
    I would be very cautious with that assumption of your father. Newspapers are full of tragedies, where someone thought, it was only a hollow threat. Then you see people talking: “He was such a nice man. We did not take that serious.”
    Every threat like that should be taken serious. Even if it is only a hollow threat, it is at least a hint that this person is not normal at all or has some issues with himself.

    1. Mona,

      Thanks for the concern. Really. But my father never touched my mother in over 20 years of getting angry at her over much more serious things. I highly doubt he’s going to lose his control now over something minor. 🙂

      I’ve seen those news stories too-where a guy kills someone in a fit of rage. I’ve also seen my father’s reaction to them. He scoffs at these guys who destroy their lives because they couldn’t control their anger. Then he reminds my brother that no matter how much a girl may “push it” to resist the urge to get violent and to use his words (or walk away if he absolutely has to). Say something unforgivable? Girlfriend breaks up with you? Wife divorces you? So what? They are replaceable. The years of your life you will lose in prison if you do something violent are NOT.

      So I’m certain I’m safe. My uncle on the other hand…if HE ever gave the slightest hint of a threat I’d leave his presence and never return. He’s seriously unstable, a drug addict and alcoholic, and has been known to beat his girlfriends.

      How seriously to take these things all depends on the personality of the individual involved.

      But I get it if you operate under the policy that it’s better to be safe than sorry. If it was someone that I HADN’T known literally my entire life I might feel the same.

      1. June, I have had a very different father. He always was calm, he never screamed, I never saw real anger. On the other hand he was not able to show pure joy or any other feeling.No fear, no deep anger, no deep joy, no real sadness, no jealousy, no envy, nothing. He was like the nice neighbour from the other side of the road, as if was not a part of the family. That is strange too! I cannot explain it. You had no possibility to reach him. When I called him: “Daddy, please come” he did not react. I had to call him with his prename to get any reaction. Most of the time he avoided me.

      2. Mona,

        Wow, that had to have been difficult. I was curious about what disorder might’ve caused this kind of behavior, so I did some Google searching. 🙂 I’m not a psychologist or anything, but what you describe seems to fit the symptoms of Schizoid Personality Disorder. The basic definition is “Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary or sheltered lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness, and apathy. Affected individuals may be unable to form intimate attachments to others and simultaneously demonstrate a rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.”

        Here’s the Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoid_personality_disorder

        You obviously know your father and I don’t, so maybe it doesn’t actually fit. But I thought I’d offer it up as a possible explanation. 🙂

        And next time my father does something manipulative or controlling or goes on a tirade over nothing, I will remind myself that I’m lucky that he at least makes an effort to raise me and keep me in his life, regardless of his reasons for doing so.

        I’m really glad you felt comfortable enough to share that with me Mona, and I hope I haven’t been completely useless or offensive.

  10. I’m pretty sure he genuinely wanted me dead and that his threats weren’t empty at all! India is virtually lawless. Money spent will result in some semblance of justice. He threatened to dispose of my body in the sea – a lot of people are found this way, it’s unfortunately quite commonplace. During my first time travelling and a short time after we first met, we effectively went missing through travels, falling off the radar for almost two weeks during the “golden period”. My friends and family were suspicious of him from the very start, he was a stranger after all, and they swiftly launched a formal investigation into my whereabouts, posting his identity everywhere, booking flights to come find me. During my second visit, our long awaited reunion, he had become violent and intimidating immediately. I hadn’t been honest immediately with anyone about what was really happening. At the height of his fury, he would make calls and send bizarre messages to my family telling them that I was “crazy” and needed to see a doctor…but was “safe” with him. They remained vocal in their bad opinion and suspicion of him, so he wanted me to tell everyone at home that we had parted ways in case “something happened” to me, as he didn’t want to be blamed. His words. He put pressure on me to send this message out, but I refused unless he would actually let me go. He would constantly threaten me, all the while making comments like “you will get me into trouble”/”I will go to jail because of you”/”your family will ruin my life”. I think that this was the ultimate deterrent for him.

    1. constantly threaten me, all the while making comments like “you will get me into trouble”/”I will go to jail because of you”/ ***HOLY HELL DITTO***

      I heard the same playbook. And really need to see and hear this. AND to take all threats seriously. Thankyou!

  11. I never thought any death threats made by them were serious. I was just their voices-they were filled with contempt, like the whole thing was a verbal smackdown rather than an actual warning. Plus my father recently told me that death threats and telling people to commit suicide are just things people say when they get angry. So that was a HUGE hint at how lightly these words can be taken by some people.

    That said, it’s still great to have it confirmed. So thank you HG. 🙂

  12. You are spot on with the suicide. Probably happens more then you think though if the prize is property and children with no split required.

  13. I think mine was probably an upper lesser or some school of midranger. His fury would mainly occur online or in phone calls, with the most hideous cruel comments and swearing being hurled my way. In real life, however, I remember sitting on his couch one day asking him what happened to his dog that was no longer there. He made the action of slitting his throat. I was shocked because he was a dog lover (or at least he pretended to be). Then proceeded to say the dog was crazy and he gave it away. Another time he was talking to me and staring into my eyes intensely then simultaneously reached down on the side of the couch while staring at me..pretending he had a knife and would use it (he actually did this on 2 separate occasions). I jumped up in horror and he laughed, but it frightened me by the way he was looking at me while doing this action. Also after he mentioned the dog incident, it planted the seed in my mind that he even thinks about things like this, and hence along with witnessing terrible fury from him, he made me feel uneasy in his presence and made me think he is sadistic.

  14. This reminds me of oj simpson. I think he is a greater narc. He had a lot of fury towards nicole and was known to physically abuse her. She feared for her life and confided this. When he learned of her alleged affair it wounded him greatly and he probably felt it would continue to wound him and needed to get rid of them both. His ego couldnt handle it and his fury took over.
    It still amazes me he was found not guilty.

    1. Hi Narc Affair,
      My first thought when reading this was OJ. Lol
      I asked HG once and he told me that he’s a somatic upper lesser. What’s interesting is that she kept telling people close to her that he was going to kill her one day. She must have had a strong feeling but dismissed it because she really didn’t take any steps to protect herself. Another person that hit me with this article was Jodi Arias. That was some case.

      1. HG,
        When looking at the case of Nicole Brown Simpson , how does one know if and when the Narcissit will cross that line? If in most cases the N doesn’t kill and wants to keep their appliances alive, when do you or can you make a determination that they will kill you? When should it be take very seriously ?

      2. Hi sue…upper lesser somatic i wouldnt of thought. Oj seems too calculating to be a lesser and way too successful to be purely a somatic alone but maybe he is.
        They played some phone calls to 911 of nicole saying hed kill her. Thats pretty damning evidence!

      3. Yes narc Affair,
        I was taken back a little when he said lesser but it makes sense. If you watch his interviews, he doesn’t have very much self control . He gets angry at the drop of a hat and seems to have a hard time trying to control it. Even at his latest parole hearing, he was challenged with a remark from one of the parole board members and I could see the actually Fury rise up in him. It was very cool to watch now knowing what I’ve been taught. He seems like a loose canon to me. As far as his successes, he was a gifted athlete who had endorsements handed to him. And he seems very conferenced with physical appearance. Just my take on it 🙂

      4. Somatic upper lesser sounds right to me. OJ appears to me to be as dumb as a box of rocks with little to no impulse control and zero credibility in his over the top acting skills (in mirroring and professionally). I think he fooled no one around him-they were hangers on who turned a blind eye to further their own gain.

  15. The picture is amazing, yet haunting

    Your words struck cords within, memories from long ago. Truth….

  16. Abrokenwing: That is awful. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. My ex often whispered such things and denied it. When we met I had a lot of stress and he attempted to gas light and say I was tired/ overthinking. I was stressed not stupid, I know what I heard. I told him that if he did it again, he would never see me again. So he switched tactics. Now every happy memory that threatens to trigger me breaking no contact is carefully analysed, and I know it is not a truly happy memory. Sorry to go on.

    1. Thanks YDB..
      I remember I went for a walk alone by the sea morning after and when I returned he was still sleeping.. so innocent..
      I just watched him sleeping for a while.. This was a moment I asked myself who he is.

      1. abrokenwing. I had a very similar awakening. He punched me in the back when we were in bed. So I stormed off and slept on the sofa. A few hours later when I came back to bed, there he was, happy and comfortable. The next morning, Xmas day, I watched with disgust as he opened all his Xmas presents, as innocent as a child. I fixed that image in my head and every time he Hoovers now, I call on that image to remind me what he is. Was pregnant at the time.

  17. Thank you for writing. As always, very insightful. The greater’s reasoning for a person’s death reminds me of the movie Match Point with JRM.

  18. Will be ‘Your’ Permanent ‘Shadow’ Sir HG Tudor. Not getting away from ‘Me’ that ‘Fast’. Way too ‘Adorable’. Watchout Now! You ‘Belong’ to ‘Me’!…Lol… Learned so very much from ‘You’! Not ‘Willing’ to ‘Share’! Thanks for ‘Everything’!…

  19. The implications were there, without having evidence of the words. Maybe that is why some of us protect our exact location & identities?

  20. Great Post Sir HG Tudor. Loving on ‘You’. Believe Me, will get this ‘Situation’ Fixed. You will ‘Sweeten Up’ on ‘My Watch’. Because we have ‘Traded’ Places’…Lol…

  21. I seriously thought of breaking NC this weekend but now I’ve read this, it’s brought me to my senses. I’ll break NC another time perhaps… Thanks HG.

      1. Thanks HG. Your comments give me strength. I’m sure others on here feel the same.

  22. Only because ‘He/She’ is ‘Already’ Dead and ‘Jealous’ of ‘Good’ People, who never did him/her any ‘Harm’. We can’t fix what ‘Happened’ to them, but ‘Tried’. Never again’ on ‘My ‘Watch’! Too Many ‘Innocent’ People ‘Involved’ including ‘Him/Her’…

  23. ‘ I wish you were dead !’ he whispered into my ear while having sex with me…
    Tears started falling down my face.. He then started kissing me everywhere and asked ‘ Why are you upset?’

    The next day he said he doesn’t remember saying that and even if he did it’s not necessarily a bad thing cos he said that to his mother as well and she is the most important person in his life!

    It didn’t happened during devaluation . It happened after a very enjoyable evening together , no arguments.. everything was perfect.
    I don’t understand. The only explanation which comes to my mind is that he had too much to drink.

    1. Too much drinking can reveal their true feelings. And of course he didn’t remember, they never do, or at least that is what they say.

      1. Yes , you are right Linda.. Drunk words are sober thoughts.
        He also said that he loved me pretending he was drunk.. ( I know it wasn’t love tho).

        Maybe he started hating me because he realized he depends on me with regards to fuel..? This would mean I have some kind of control over him… I don’t know how to explain it.

    2. He said it because he wanted to upset you. He chose the moment when he should have told you how much he loved you – to HURT you. My husband would be really nasty to me the morning after a passionate night when I had felt loved and cared for by him. I got to realise this….and expect it. He would the morning after go COLD. Ignore me. Pick an argument. It was almost routine for him. But not always. He would always change things around just to keep me on edge.

      1. Hi Jane ,

        So he was seeking a negative fuel…
        I was going through the events of that evening many times trying to understand what happened.. if i did or said something to provoke it..but no. We had a nice dinner , few drinks afterwards, we dance , we laughed, we kissed. Returned back to the hotel late. I went to bed , he stayed in a bar for one more..( he doesn’t go to bed before 2am). He come back one hour later, woke me up, wanted sex and I didn’t oppose.. He ripped my chemise away .. and then he said those words…out of the blue.
        But that’s my perspective.

  24. Hi HG!
    So for the Lesser who does lose complete control with their fury and does commit a murder and Lesser is then sentenced to life in prison, in that scenario are they forced to take some accountability when they are caught?
    For example, walk me thru with this news story from last month, where a 25 year old Michigan man stabbed his 5-year old step-daughter to death. He had been married to the girl’s mother for a few months. They had been arguing for a couple of days but she had to leave for a work shift and he wanted to “take a nap”. The little girl woke him up for wanting a snack. He said it wasn’t dinner time and she asked again. He snapped and lost it. He stabbed her several times and then stopped when he realized what he had done. He then covered her in a blanket, doused her with Vodka and set her on fire to try to get rid of the evidence. He has been sentenced to life in prison.
    Where I struggle, is this supposed to be a classic example of Lesser Narc controlling his environment and losing his fury for the sake of fuel from his wife? Is it just an epidemic now that people have lost all respect and consideration for human life? Empathy is going extinct?
    I know you’ve said a felon will learn to establish fuel lines for himself (or herself) in prison, but does it really just come down to fuel?

  25. HG
    In that last scenario of malice with a greater, if death resulted, what do or would you feel as the main emotion? A quick and intense feeling of power followed quickly by the annoyance of losing a fuel source? Or a slow and lasting satisfaction of having made the victim pay for their treachery? And how would this affect any other relationships (primary and secondary) around that period? For example would you be satisfied with everyone enjoying a golden period or would you be drunk on power and become a tyrant? Well more of a tyrant.

    1. Triumph. There would be no annoyance as if I was moved to take such action, other fuel sources would be in place and the relevant disincentivized appliance deserved to be taken off-line.

  26. What a strange comfort ! If someone says to me, he wants to see me dead, then I believe him and do not hope for anything else anymore. That is really the last and worst signal to leave !

  27. HG,
    1. How comforting.
    2. I’d rather been dead at times.
    3. So you admit that some narcs intentionally want to commit psychological murder?
    4. My exnarc told me that it wouldn’t matter.
    5. Would you push me over a cliff if I asked you to nicely?

      1. 3. So if there were laws against psychological murder, and it could be proven (…), you wouldn’t? (“you narcs”, who fall into that category).
        5. That’s what I suspected.

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