The Narcissist Online – The Somatic
How do you spot a Somatic Narcissist online?
I have explained before how the advancements in technology have created a haven for our kind. The internet has become a prime hunting ground for all schools and all cadres of narcissist. From social media to dating websites to chatrooms, the existence of cyberspace has created so many opportunities for us to target and hunt down our victims. Not only that, technology has extended our reach, allowed us to target multiple victims, remain in contact with scores of prospects and do so at any time from nearly any part of the world. It is little wonder that our kind cruise, shark-like, through cyberspace, seeking our victims.
There is much to be said for you staying away from the internet. Not only are you closing down various avenues for the narcissist you have just banished through no contact, to prevent hoovers, you are also reducing the risk of being ensnared by another one. However, the internet and all of its accoutrements are regular fixtures in most people’s lives and therefore such blanket avoidance is not only impractical it may not be desired. Why should you let our kind force you into no longer enjoying the benefits of the information superhighway?
Accordingly, you wish to maintain a presence in cyber space and so you must adopt a position of vigilance. I have detailed previously the ways in which we look for our victims through the various portals of the internet, the types of behaviour, the profiles, the postings and the engagements which not only show you are susceptible to being seduced but highlight your empathic traits so you have a neon light above you, drawing us to you. How about you being in a position to spot our kind when we are on the internet? This is clearly a worthwhile skill to hone as part of your Narcdar, in identifying us.
One of the most prominent places that this identification takes place is with regards to dating websites and it is there that I shall show you what you ought to be looking out for in two distinct stages. The first is the type of indicators that you might see on the profile page of our kind on a dating website. The second are the tells that occur when you first engage with our kind on such a website when you begin the excitement of flagging your interest and exchanging message. I will therefore detail the indicators in these two stages which you ought to be aware of so that you can determine whether the person is one of our kind and therefore you can dodge the bullet, escape the tendril and evade the narcissist.
Keep in mind that these are indicators, two or three is nothing to be concerned about. Yes, this shows that there are narcissistic traits in evidence but once it goes beyond three of these indicators you need to become wary. The more indicators there are, the more likely it is that this person in cyberspace is a narcissist and you are skirting on the edge of being seduced.
Let us begin with the Somatic Narcissist. The Somatic Narcissist is one of the four cadres and is generally defined as a narcissist who has a pre-occupation with appearance, looks, material possessions, sex, status and the earnings of himself and those around him. What should you be aware of when you are working your way through those dating profiles and what should you pay heed to should you commence in messaging somebody on these sites to determine whether this person is more likely than not a Somatic Narcissist ?
- In respect of a female somatic narcissist the profile picture will show the individual bare-chested to show off his physique. In the case of a female narcissist the picture will be glamorous with the narcissist made-up, pouting and quite possibly utilising a professionally taken picture. In both sexes the photo may also show the individual next to an expensive or flash-looking car, undertaking some kind of adrenaline pursuit, such as flying through the air on a mountain bike or a grinning shot as the individual parachutes from a plane or the picture will be of the individual against the backdrop of a chasm or a luxurious beach.
- If the profile contains more than nine additional pictures as well as the profile picture, this is an indicator of a somatic narcissist. Pay attention to the individual striking the same pose in each picture such as the man flexing his muscles to show off his ‘guns’, adopting a Usain Bolt stance, pouting or standing with one hand on hip. These are all indicators.
- If the pictures only have the profile holder in them, this is a further indicator.
- There will be no mention of having been single for some time, looking for love for a period of time or anything to denote that the individual has been alone.
- The individual will make mention of his or her employment, job position and/or earning capacity in the profile text. If the site provides a bracket for the individual’s earning to be entered, they will be and they will be listed in six figures whether this is true or not.
- The individual will not make mention of wanting to engage in pursuits such as staying in and getting cosy by the fire, going for romantic walks, watching films together. These are regarded as vanilla and boring by the somatic narcissist. An absence of mentioning these things is an indicator. If phrases such as those above are included, this is a downward indicator.
- The somatic narcissist will make reference to various interests which will include outdoor pursuits, adrenaline fix pursuits, attendance at a gym, sports and anything which denotes the pursuit of competitive physical excellence. If there are references to winning events such as an Iron Man Triathlon, running the New York marathon or similar this is a double indicator.
- There will be repeated reference to travel. Specifically, look out for reference to exotic beach holidays and holidays which involve pursuits such as ski-ing, trekking, kayaking around islands and such like. There is unlikely to be mention of places where one might undertake sight-seeing of landmarks and such like. The somatic narcissist is there to be the sight seen, not to sight see.
- If there are references to where the individual lives in terms of an upmarket area as opposed to the region or city, references to the size and style of accommodation or reference to additional places where the individual lives, these are indicators.
- If the profile states that the individual dislikes lazy people, people who do nothing, out of shape people etc. this is a firm indicator. The somatic narcissist has no concern about letting people know what he does not like and his lack of tact will mean that it will be rude and disparaging.
- If the profile makes reference to sexual prowess of proficiency this is a firm indicator also. Again, the somatic narcissist is unlikely to apply tact to the situation and is content to brag about such matters.
- References to shopping, shoe collections, extensive technology collections, record collections trainer collections and similar are also indicators.
- The profile of a somatic narcissist is likely to make reference to nights out at glamorous places, going to bars, wanting to be seen, mixing with people and such like.
- If the individual references somebody famous in their profile either purporting to know them or quoting from that individual – who is likely to be a sports person – this is an additional indicator.
- Re-read the profile. If you read it back and immediately hear the voice of someone talking quickly as if pumped up on adrenaline and Red Bull, with exhortations of ‘yeah’, ‘hell’ and ‘woo’ whilst a fist pump or a high five is being delivered, this is a considerable warning sign.
- The profile of the somatic narcissist will be 90 per cent about him or her with a smaller section reserved for what he or she does not want and also what he or she is looking for. The looking for section will be up front about wanting someone who is physically attractive and engages in similar activities. This is actually paying lip service to considering the other person. The somatic narcissist IS the draw and really is not overly interested in what the other person does. Not at this stage.
The more indicators you identify from this profile and its accompanying pictures, the higher the likelihood that this individual is a somatic narcissist.
If you engage with somebody on a dating website and exchange messages, then you should be aware of the following indicators which all evidence that you are engaging with a somatic narcissist.
- They will respond quickly to your messages. They will also badger you if you have not answered their message promptly. If there has been a flurry of messaging, then you have slowed in your response times and you have been badgered to respond, when you do respond there is silence, the somatic narcissist has moved on to a different target and you have been forgotten about. Understand that all narcissists using such sights will have multiple prospects in order to maximise both fuel and the opportunities of ensnaring suitable prey and anyone who fails to keep up with the pace will be left behind.
- Expect messages to be short and to the point. The lesser somatic will use text speak a lot. The mid-range and greater less so, but their messages will not be long or flowery.
- You will be asked for your mobile number and offered his or hers within five exchanges.
- You will be asked direct questions about your profile pictures. Is it you? Is it a recent picture? Where was it taken?
- You will be sent bare chest and dick pictures by the male somatic, topless and bottom pictures by the female somatic, whilst you will be repeatedly pressed to reciprocate.
- The content of the messages will become sexual between five and ten exchanges. If mobile numbers have been exchanged expect to engage in sexting and talking dirty down the phone to one another. This will be wanted or engaged in before any suggestion of a date has taken place.
- The somatic narcissist will appear to be interested in you experiencing his or pursuits ‘I would love to take you rock climbing, you will really enjoy it’ or ‘We could go camping and do some hunting, it will be a blast.’ There will be an assumption that you will enjoy it. The somatic narcissist may appear encouraging by offering to instruct you, teach you etc. so this appears that they are kind and taking an interest. This is being done purely to show that they are an expert and to test your credentials to be their victim by ascertaining whether you have the right class traits.
- You can expect to be asked your opinion about various matters which are of value to the somatic narcissist. What you do for a living, how much you earn, where you live, where you holiday, what type of car you drive, what you think of certain places, what you think of certain famous people. This may appear like taking an interest in your preferences. It is being done to garner information to ensure that you accord with the somatic class traits and to mine for intelligence which can then be used to mirror and seduce once the somatic narcissist is satisfied that you are a decent prospect worth expending further time and energy on. Do not expect to be asked about books, art, religion, politics, economics, current affairs or similar matters. If you engage in a conversation using those topics you will witness the topic being shut down and moved to something else in order to return to relevant somatic topics.
- The somatic will appear very keen and enthusiastic but it will border on pushy in terms of wanting replies, wanting pictures and wanting to meet up. You are likely to put it down to being very interested in you and the somatic narcissist will only confirm that to be the case if challenged. He or she is keen to draw fuel from your messages but even keener to move to meeting you and this will be pushed for quickly, in around ten or so exchanges and within just a day of making contact.
A significant aggregate of these indicators both from the profile and the subsequent engagement will tell you readily enough that you have been interacting with a somatic narcissist and therefore you should heed all these red flags before meeting the individual concerned, since doing so means you will become at a far greater risk of being successfully seduced in person.
34 thoughts on “The Narcissist Online – The Somatic”
Fantastic information! I have just recently went on Match to test my narcIQ. I have to say, I’ve done very well weeding them out. I have not given out my cell, or met anyone. But I’ve come across the somatic profiles, handsome, fit, standing by the ferrari on the beach! Looking for someone to travel with. Phew!!!!! 5 years ago that would’ve been uber attractive to me. Now I know better. I had one that I sent one – 2 line reply to. I didn’t answer back for 2 days. When I looked again, he wrote 30 – 40 times. Just that day. Then again for the next few days. I said I was not interested and to stop emailing. I blocked him and I reported him. There’s another one that had some appeal, but then I asked if he was a trump (no offense to trump supporters out there) supporter. He wrote back a 1000 word essay on crooked hillary etc…. This is a great way of weeding them out as well for me.
I don’t know if I’ll meet anyone on match or any other dating site, what’s important to me is to be able to spot them.
If it weren’t for the education I’ve received here from HG, I would not know the difference, the subtleties, the signs, the warnings. Thank you so much HG!!!! You’ve changed my life!!!!
I was involved with a somatic. Towards the end we both had okcupid accounts. He had 5 pictures, 2 of them making kissy faces directly to the camera. “Who does that?!” I thought. But he got a gf out of it (supposedly)…
Do you have one of these for coverts?
I don’t use the term covert.
I think we have the same mother. She has a list of no good men( her words)and her husband name is not on it. Naturally, i do the head tip leaving me with a crook in my darn neck.🤔
My somatic narc uses multiple aliases, on Facebook, Twitter, dating profiles, you name it. Always changing them every few months. Tweets porn stars and hookers, trolls exes trying to friend them as someone else then see if he can engage them in talk about their relationship with his ex (him), uses fake FB to message women he’s interested in, telling them up front it’s really him but he’s hiding it from me, you name it, he’s done it. It truly is diabolical the number of aliases. And all the passwords? Five pages of them. Sad, really. Truly pathetic.
Great article HG and completely accurrate to my experiences.
Thank you NA.
Hg can you please write an article like this about cerebral?
I think I have messaged with a narc recently, whose answers weren’t very conclusive, but his behaviour. Exactly what you write, wanting attentian, immediate answers, reassurances that I had put pictures online just for him (lol) and retreating when I didn’t react immediately. His answers to questions about his childhood, parents, and self development were more shallow than anything else. About his ex he said that he couln’t tolerate her having contact with the father of her child ….. But he wanted to know what I was wearing -(me: a) old baggy jogging pants and a big sweat shirt b) not interested).
Another one was a little tricky at first but yes, photos of himself showing off his muscles, and telling me that he wants to travel to India to a huge yoga event, because it’s so famous, etc.
HG if someone writes that one of his interests was trekking but then says that there was no point in doing so by himself – is that indicative?
i would not consider that as a problem in isolation.
I am curious if there are indicators of what you look for in profiles that distinguish empaths?
Yes there are as written about in the various articles about online activity and in Sitting Target.
Is it possible to be more than one kind of narsissist?
You can have traits from various cadres but there will be a governing cadre.
I like taking romantic walks, and all those other simple things, too. In fact, they really thrill me. I get flooded with happiness and excitement very easily. I like to do fun things, too. I love, love, love to swim! I could live in the water! It is the best place ever.
Is that your dating profile or his?
I was hoping for a cute Italian man to find me on here 🙂
It’s not a dating site RF.
Swimming is my favorite! It’s addicting to me. Just the smell of chlorine makes me happy
Reading this article this time made me laugh! Every single somatic indicator is a turn-off for me. We must automatically repel one another. Good thing for all concerned!
Somatics turn me off. I find them obvious and very shallow. My hubby is extremely good looking and couldve easily have been a somatic but he has always been modest and that is what drew me to him. Plastic phoney people i have no time for or interest in.
How do I say this and not sound like a shit? (Im truly not trying to be-it just struck me)……I found your last line ironic given your entanglement.
Allow me to expand if you will on why it struck me. With a lot of discussion here about narcs being fake, phoney, a facade etc, I wondered if your statement meant that you do not accept that fully about narcs in general, just somatics, or the one you are entangled with. I assure you it is an earnest question to help me understand and not a put down. My mother used to say that and yet she was with a complete fraud and I could never understand what she was thinking and she would not answer my questions. You are under no obligation to answer either and perhaps I misunderstood.
Hi narc angel…i do get what youre saying and youre right i am being hypocritical in a sense. I know my life is not built on complete honesty and i take responsibility for that. Im not a fake person but i have been dishonest. The person i represent on this blog is me 100%.
I guess what i was referring to is the fake perfect snobbish somatics ive come across in life. People who showboat and look down their nose at others…that kind of fake. You are right in the deceptive part. I can honestly say im not happy about it. My goal is to evebtually detach and make right what ive wronged in my life.
No no, I wasnt saying you are dishonest or hypocritical at all. Your statement struck as me you being so close to your Narc after all this time and even though we talk about them being phoney, not a real person, etc, that you have accepted him as one. That you dont like phoney plastic people and you did not include him in that group. I was thinking that is their power over many-that they appear so real. I was not taking a swipe at you, I was struck that your sentence showed what an effect he has on you that you did not consider him as such. I have had affairs so make no judgment on you for that and have no ill feelings toward you so please know that. It was regarding him-not you.
I understand your query. We all know that some narcs seem so much more fake than others. I personally think it is due to their level of intelligence. By their very nature, somatics have less intelligence or they would be mixed-type or elites. I think that’s why they may seem more fake. Let’s face it, anyone with less intelligence is less about to disguise themselves.
Hi narc angel…i realised after i posted you might mean my narc and the fact narcissists are phoney. I agree its true i am with someone phoney but some are so darn convincing and hes one of them. Then theres the fact i go along with it which i know is half the problem. Just like in the pretend blog the victims want to keep the facade going for fear of letting go. My narcs not a somatic quite the opposite but youre right still phoney baloney in a lot of ways. He just hides it better than a somatic would. I still cant quite place exactly what type of narc he falls into. Hes definitely not a victim narc. Id say a greater but lower on the greater spectrum. Hes very covert in his behaviour.
I’ve seen some profiles where the woman has her posterior arching out for the booty shot. This tells me that I’ll have to eat a mile of her attitude before I even get close. Next!
My somatic did not use online profiles like the general public. No Facebook, instagram, etc. most likely he was in porn chat rooms, but those allow a certain amount of incognito, and are more about the “other” user’s body than the viewer/payee/compliment-er. He also didn’t work out, and neither did I. But we both were blessed with one of those, not perfect, but born hotter than most bodies. People told us how stunning we were together, even in rags. He swaggered and stood in ways that showed he thought of himself as an Adonis. He never body-shamed me or said I was bad in bed (even during devaluation). He actually sort of revered bodily functions in a charming way. He wanted to hear (pee), see, and sometimes feel (peeing) my bodily functions, and had no problem exposing his. He often said, “I’m like the monkey.” I thought this was evolutionary. (Good fucking lord) But he did guilt me if he didn’t get off EVERY day by my assistance. Like a 15-year old boy. He thought about sex, money, other people with money ALL of the time. And I had the better black book.
I don’t know why I’m sharing all of this. But I just wanted to illuminate that the somatic might be more in a closet of the internet than expected. Not so overt. The dark horse in the corner who can affect that he’s so deep and observant.
Addendum: my narc was 15 years older than me. I’m in my 30s. So he’s entering a new phase of his affliction.
Do somatics find women with money appealing?
Yes but it is not a determining factor in itself.