Secrets

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Do you remember when you were at school and your friends all appeared to know something that you did not? They gave each other knowing looks, made sideways references to “this thing” and smiled and giggled. Unsettling wasn’t it? You asked them to tell you, you pleaded and you may even have become upset or angry, threatening your friends with some repercussion if they did not tell you what it was that they knew. Usually it was nothing. Just a device devised to play a game with you, to provoke a reaction, to cause you to react and it worked. Then you were in on the secret and you could join in and play it against the next unsuspecting individual. Nevertheless, you did not like that sensation of not knowing did you? Few people do. How many times when someone has gone missing, have anguished people declared,

“It’s the not knowing which really gets to you.”

The apprehension you experience when you wait to receive your examination results. You know you studied hard during the year, carried out the revision in the right way and you felt the examination went well, but you can never be sure can you, it is the lack of knowing which gnaws away at you until you receive the result.

Waiting for some test results concerning your health causes anxiety and concern. Even if it is bad news, once you have those results you can then take action, make plans and formulate a way forward but whilst you do not know, you are stuck, paralysed and frozen. It is an unpleasant sensation at best and an utterly debilitating one at worst.

You do not like secrets. We thrive on them.

So much of what we are is a secret. We are like a series of chests, compartments and vaults in which various secrets have been placed. Some have been placed there with the intention of never being revealed, either to you or even to ourselves. Others are those secrets about what we really are or what we actually do and we close the lid, slam the door shut and turn the key in the hope that you do not find them out and expose us for what we truly are. We do not want you to find out that the honey-coated façade is just that as you open a dark box and find the full horror of our true behaviour lurking inside. The past behaviours and historic actions are consigned into the depths of archive storage to prevent you from knowing what we really did to our ex-partner, what was said to our brother that has meant we have not spoken in ten years or the catalogue of infidelities that we engaged in. If you were ever allowed admission to those dark corridors you would pass the vaults, chests and caskets into which the secrets of our kind have been placed. Wife-beater, alcoholic, smack head, fraudster, closet homosexual, expenses fiddler, serial cheater, elder abuser, fence, conman, contemptor of court, distant parent, liar, convict, tax fraud, cross-dresser, sexual degenerate and so much more besides. Many secrets, some which you may eventually look upon, so many you may never know about. So many secrets hidden away, pushed into the recesses, concealed and secreted so that prying eyes do not learn the truth of what we say and do.

Yet, our secrecy goes further than that. We delight in letting you know that we have some kind of secret in order to exert control over you. We revel in giving you a glimpse of something but then pulling it from view. We engage in half-comments, low whispers and veiled comments in order to pique your interest but then we relish withholding the full tale. We take pleasure in these insignificant mysteries that cause you to question and probe. After all, we do know how you behaved when you were so much younger and how the sensation of not being able to know troubles you. It troubles you and your kind more than others. Like the older boy at school, we have snatched your lunch money and now hold it above your head, almost in reach as you hop and jump, frustration increasing as you attempt to recover it. You want to get hold of what it is that we know so you can satisfy your own need to know. We recognise this and therefore engage in the playing of games where we suggest, hint, partially reveal and allude to so that your interest is gained. We tease as we make oblique references to something in the expectation that you will bite. We will sit staring into space, cultivating the appearance of depth and intrigue as you observe us and wonder what we are thinking about. You will of course ask and we will give you some cryptic response which as you pondering and probing further. Whatever we told you is nothing to do with what we were actually thinking about. We may have been admiring the view from the window, we might have been wondering how the match would turn out and most likely we were considering which of the growing stable of prospects to message next. Instead we will trot out some comment or line which gives the appearance of us being pre-occupied with some weighty matter, something possibly beyond the wit of you, something which makes us appear mysterious and heavyweight. The intrigue adds to the allure but it also plays to your desire to need. The keeping back of information, the withholding of knowledge, the cloak and dagger routine is all part of the act. The true secrets will never be revealed to you. The secret we allude to is non-existent. It is just a device to control you. It is a means of keeping you bound to us, asking, wondering and probing. The half-answers and titbits are there to confuse, bewilder and cause your anxiety. The mysterious murmurs, the ponderous gaze and the comments to ourselves which you can only partially hear are mere ruses. They are to give us the appearance of depth when it is lacking. The creation of so many apparent secrets is to keep you away from the real secrets by leading you in a different direction and to make us appear deep and of substance. We look to snatch your consideration and scrutiny and make it belong to us instead.

The playing of secrecy continues after the cessation of our formal relationship. Always when you have been discarded and often even when you escape, how many times are your night bedfellows not some other person but the ghosting questions of how, what, why, when and where? You are given no answers as to what has happened and this is when the secrecy takes on the greatest significance as we have entered you into the maze where you try to find a way through it in order to understand how we could have done what we did, what on earth happened to you, why did we do those things, when will we come back and where did it all go wrong? We condition you throughout your dance with us to be intrigued by us, to wonder, to speculate, to pontificate and so forth so that it builds and builds until when we cast you to one side you can do nothing but keep wanting to learn our secrets, to open those doors, to slide back the bolts and open the portals, to raise the lids and lift the covers. This keeps you coming back to us, it keeps you hanging on in the hope that one day there will be a momentous reveal and it will all make sense. You wait in the expectation that all the secrets of this person that you still love will be revealed to you. But it never happens. Not by him or her. The unmasking comes from another place.

It is  no secret that you have the key to the narcissistic universe in your hands now.

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235 Comments

  1. PSE,
    yes i never watched one out, i told you last time, it was on the thread where we also discussed decoration and you also told me about Gantz, i only saw on google the lead’s face, but i have no clue about his personality.

    1. Liza. I remember you said a friend told you that One Outs is was good. And I beleive you said that you have seen sports anime before, but they are not your favorite genre. I know that you said that you did not watch One Outs, But, I did not know if you gave One Out a small shot or not, for at least one episode. For example, I have not seen Gantz, but I did watch almost one complete episode, but then I decided to switch and to watch Classroom of the Elite, right now. It is a bit mild so far, but the reviews says it is worth it by the time it concludes. After Classroom of the Elite, I want to watch Steins Gate, I believe it is called. They deal with time travel. I am interested to see how they handle such a complex notion. It has great reviews.

    2. Liza: Okay. I love his character. Here is a photo of him below, right before the game starts. He is reclining on a bench with his baseball cap over his face. hahaha. No one understands that he conserves energy physically. He also is playing with the minds of the opposing team by looking as if he is not impressed with their skills, and by not even warming up to pitch against them. Like they are nothing. lol. He is not being conceited nor disrespectful nor negligent, like everyone thinks, including his own manager. Rather he conserves energy and maintains a disturbing facade for the opponents, and psychologically helps his own teammates to calm down and not be so afraid. His team is not accustomed to winning. But, he is on the team now. He is changing all of that losing and naive mentality that they have been carrying around for so many years now, but for his own aims, and they are benefiting as a result, although they are confused by his facade and his strategies that he presents to them, even though the stragegies always work. The point that he saves energy is a bit overdramatized probably, but the caption at the bottom of the photo shows that no one understands him, and reads: The Game Is About To Start, but Tokuchi is Conceitedly Sitting On The Bench. And, of course, they do end up winning this game, because of him. Photo here >>https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWFGxvPQuoovfkS3D69rH53o7KdCF5IlU7oT6rGpf38U0Sx8iO&s

      1. PSE,
        the fact i didn’t watch even one episode is not because i’m desinterested, or don’t trust yor rocomandations, if i start watching something i need to finish it, i can’t just look at it and then passe if i don’t like it.
        and it has been more than a month since i haven’t read or watched anything i am even late on one piece, this blog is one of rare places i still can come to withoute having the risque of someone posting a scan or an info that will spoil it. (if there is someone out there who can spoil please refrain, thank you).

        and to be totally honnest, all sport mangas look the same, kuroko no basket, kagami and kuroko came to a team of loosers and they became the shampoins, in eishield 21 yoichi iruma fits perfectly the description you gave of the lead of one outs, even there charcter designes are similare, in captain tsubassa japan was verry low ranked and thanks to the new generation they became one of the best, and i don’t like sport T_T

        i like when there is either fantastic univers and a lot of spectacular combats, or when there is a lot of mystery and i can make theories.

        1. Liza. You sure know your anime/manga. I was not really expecting you to watch One Outs. I watched it also because you told me that your friend said it was good. I know it is not your favorite type of anime. I remembered that. Eishield 21 is now on my list. Maybe a lot of these Characters are Narcissistic in these Mangas. I shall see. But, I am only on my third one, clearly not enough for me to make such an observation, though… But, so far, Narcissists lead characters are in 2 of the 3. Death Note and One Outs. I am not used to this type of hero, but I find them both quite entertaining.

          1. PSE,
            the tricky thing about narcissism in manga is that they make us believe that under all the bad actions and cruelty they engage in, they stil have a good core, but Mr.HG said that he does not have a core, and i think it is safe to extend it to all narcissists.
            light is defenitly a narcissist, and he behaved as one till the verry end, he even became crazy and dellusional when he couldn’t finde a way to assert control over the situation.
            but in the majority of the mangas i read, even the meaniest of vailains end up having a soft side, in some cases they even join the protagonist.
            i will read one outs,and i will dicusse it with you , i promise. i can only read at night so give me just 3 to 4 days.

  2. Alex: Yes. one day, I was watching an economic forum on TV, and the panel brought up that people in general, and for the first time in the U.S., are not doing as well economically as their parents did, these days, and then that sitcom, Friends, came up in the discussion. Alex, we also have the famous and popular very long running sitcom, Seinfeld: They all had their own apartments, and in the city, no roommates, but, not a single one of the main characters could connect enough to have a long term relationship partner, for all those years in that sitcom. And that serious fact was being glamorized by Hollywood, for the populace, as well, via that sitcom Seinfeld. They all were Narcissists or highly Narcissistic: Every single one of those main characters in Seinfeld. And then we have the sitcom, Sex and the City. Single women that had their own apartments in a city and without roommates, (many viewers complained that the star character played by Sarah Jessica Parker could not have had that good of an apartment in real life in Manhattan, without a roommate, with her job), and were sexual adventuresses, ok, but I still do not know what that show was really about, because I only catch a few random episodes, here and there. But, I am sure that show is socially engineering the general populace, one way or the other about something. And many men watched and still watch that that show as well. So I also wonder what message the men are receiving from that sitcom? I just probably need to watch a complete season or two, to figure out what that show Sex and the City, is really about. And what message is being glamorized for the general populace? Hollywood, Oh Hollywood.

    1. Thanks PSE. I don’t watch huge amounts of TV. I am aware of Sex and he City we have it over here and Seinfeld. I’ve never watched a single episode of either or friends but I’ve seen little snippets of each. That’s a good idea to watch to find out what it’s all about. I’d definitely be interested to know your take on it.

      1. Alex. I would just love to know my take on Sex and The City, as well. lol. But, you are not going to rope me into adding more to my `To Do` list, Alex. It is too bad that I just don`t have the time to put it on my viewing schedule, to find out my take on it, (although I am curious), for the foreseeable future. Hahaha! Maybe someone else on here, that knows the series, can tell us what it is all about and what is the social, political and economic, etc. message of that sitcom to the general populace, and the specific message to women and to men, as well. Otherwise, what happens on Sex and the City, stays on Sex and the City.

        1. I ended up going in some place in NYC recently called Magnolia Bakery. I was advised of its significance to SATC afterwards. I did not buy a cup cake

          1. For all the years I lived in NYC, I never bothered going to the Soup Nazi. I didn’t really watch Seinfeld until later in reruns, however.

          2. Dearest HG: I walk by one near Battery Park in Midtown in NYC. The cupcakes were very small. I walked in once, and took a look at them, and then I left without purchasing. If you ask me, that bakery is absolutely, hands down, without a shadow of a doubt, a marketing plug-in on the TV series. The locations of that Magnolia Bakery chain are in expensive neighborhoods with very high commercial rents per square foot. They can not possibly sell enough of those very small little cupcakes for such overhead. So, whomever owns that chain is part of the indulged in-crowd with the banks and with the leveraging of other peoples` money. Year after Year. And thus they live off of the loans that they are awarded, and they do not live off of actual sales of those tiny cupcakes. I found a youtube clip discussing the top 10 Sex and the City locations: The very first place is Magnolia Bakery on this link: https://youtu.be/ce-2m-ILu_E

          3. I much preferred dining at Antique Garage on Mercer Street in Soho. It very much gets an HG approves.

          4. Dearest HG: Thank you for your tried and true recommendation on Antique Garage on Mercer Street. What a cool name for a restaurant.

          5. It is well worth a visit and no, I have not been paid by them to recommend them. SM and I very much enjoyed our meal there.

      2. Alexissmith2016,
        it was an atempt to picture strong independent women, with differents mentalities, but they ended up picturing immature little grils who play strong while waiting for a man to give meaning to their lifes.

        1. It sounds terrible! I’m glad I’ve never watched it. I think early female rap music did more to empower women (not the current stuff).

      3. Alex: Here is a delightful tidbit, or perhaps a horrifying tidbit, or perhaps an ironic tidbit, or perhaps some other type of tidbit (I am not sure what type of tidbit to call this) about the still ongoing payments to the cast of Friends, a sitcom that portrayed a close group of young adults facing a generally rough economy, as they struggled for stability in their lives, and as they struggled just to make ends meets, including needing and incorporating roommates into their private spheres, just to pay the rent, etc: [“All six cast members — Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry — receive 2 percent of the syndication income, which is about $20 million for each person per year, USA Today reports. … Each cast member receives $20 million per year, all because of “Friends.”Dec 29, 2018]. Alex, all I can do is laugh about all this, or cry, or do something else,…(I am not quite sure). Notwithstanding, I bet some people are flexing their Hoover muscles, hearing about these huge residual passive income benefits, this crew is receiving year in and year out, that are perhaps ripe for the plucking. Huzzah!

    2. PES:
      Never could get into either Friends or SATC, because of that glamorization.
      Seinfeld, on the other hand, I loved. They’re *supposed* to be assholes.

      1. Violetta: Seinfeld has some classic Episodes. I have seen many episodes. If you want to watch, just look up some of the best episodes lists and watch those. There are still many episodes that I have not seen. I would just look up some of the best episodes classifications, if I were in the mood to watch one. There are so many many episodes of Seinfeld. K and I were discussing a few a couple of weeks ago. Three of my favorites are (1) when George was happily dating a female prisoner and he liked the dynamic of her being imprisoned, and he being free in the outside world, and (2) When George used a real photo of a beautiful female to say she was his dead fiance`, in order to get in good with sympathetic beautiful women and thereby be granted entry into a special club that George called the Forbidden City. Forbidden to be entered by average slacker guys like he was. (3) George fakes being disabled and using a wheelchair at a certain job. That one is almost a musical, in the way the episode is directed. I think that George is my favorite character on Seinfeld, come to think of it.

          1. K. Sure. Festivus. Yeah..I remember that epsidode.somewhat….but it is not a favorite of mine. That is actually one of your favorite episodes??? No judgement. Hahaha.

          2. K. I will definitely plan to re-watch Festivus. lol. I can not really remember it, and so maybe I did not have the chance to see the complete episode. And, I do think that happened, because I often like the shenanigans that George partakes. Festivus it is, then.

  3. K, if you’re out there, can you direct me to a classic interchange between HG and Pamela, when she first began to show her true colors to the extent that the rest of us could spot them?

        1. Thanks, Desirée. I couldn’t even remember where the other thread was! I can memorize scripts, particularly if they are in verse, but I don’t have a cataloguing mind at all.

          Will get back after I’ve read it.

        2. Ok, that was weird.
          What on earth does she WANT?
          Or is that the point?

          Obviously, she’d already built up some animosity by that point.

          1. Violetta
            Pamela strikes me as the kind of narcissist that does not have an expansive fuel matrix in terms of proximate fuel and hence likes to turn to looking for fuel output online. Therefore her behaviour is understandable and entirely in line with who she is and I would assume that drawing fuel online is her go-to method. She has used both benign and malign tactics on this blog to gain fuel, the animosity you mention is likely due to the repeated criticism she had receibed at that point

          2. I once got booted off a celebrity gossip site (I try to avoid them now) for being insufficiently malicious.

            Perhaps Pamela has missed her true calling.

          3. V
            Haha. My husband got kicked out of an insult chat room. How bad is that? No he’s not a narc and he had quite a laugh over it.

          4. I got kicked out of a divorce support group on Facebook for saying white trash. I don’t regret it.

          5. Lorelei. Long time ago I got a warning from AOL that my account was suspended for 10 days. I called to inquire as to why. Ends up my SON who was maybe 12 at the time got thrown out of a lesbian chat room and they reported him. 😂😂

          6. Really? That is a great story! If the internet were alive when HG was 12 I can see the same thing happening!

          7. Lorelei:
            People were ripping into one of the many vapid little bimbettes out there. I ripped into her too, but admitted that I also felt sorry for her. The person running the site told me and at least one other reader to fuck off because it was HER blog, which was fair enough, but it does allow me to appreciate HG’s latitude.

          8. V

            Ha ha! I always wonder where HGs latitude is but I also I admire his lassitude.

            Love ya V! X

        3. Very interesting.

          I would not have thought that random anonymous comments on a blog could be so transparent. Perhaps I should be more careful of what I write in the future. (I wont. I’ve written some shit and will continue to do so).

          1. Violetta
            Haha, I had forgotten about that one! I’m glad you like it. It is evident Pamela cannot resist to stare at the one upon the throne and his immensely attractive body of work.

      1. I’m not even finished skimming through the first link, and I’m gobsmacked.

        I thought this might be amusing (I could use a good laugh), but it’s horrific.

        If she has such contempt for this site, why does she keep coming back to it? There are sites I won’t even lurk on, let alone post, because I was so appalled by what I read. I surfed some of Roush-V’s material because I wanted to know what routines PUAs were going to try, and I got out as soon as I understood the basics. It was chilling to see all that hostility, and I for sure wasn’t going to try arguing with any of them!

        1. You highlight a typical behaviour of narcissists that come here Violetta. Nobody is making them read my work, but they keep coming back and commenting, why?
          1. There are Hoover Triggers because either
          a. They subscribe so that they receive a notification about a post or a comment, or
          b. The have a fuel obsession in respect of me.
          Therefore there are repeated Hoover Triggers.
          2. The Hoover Execution Criteria is invariably met, why?
          a. It is easy to perform a direct electronic hoover. They can read the work and make a comment or send me an email. I do not block anybody (I do not need to), but I will ignore the narcissists,
          b. They will execute an attempted Hoover By Proxy by attacking my readers rather than me (either her or on other forums in the expectation it comes to my attention)
          c. They may perform an indirect electronic hoover by talking about me elsewhere in the expectation I will read it elsewhere (pointless – I do not read other forums) or it will be brought to my attention by other readers.

          Some flatter and seek to seduce. Some dole out pity plays “Why won’t´you answer me” “why are you not letting my comments through” “why are you picking on me”. Some attack me.
          Of course, they cannot see the contradiction between keep commenting on something they are attacking. They of course argue etc because they have to try and assert control over me (and the readers) but do not realise this. This is why I occasionally allow them to demonstrate their behaviour to assist the learning of all other readers.

          It is very simple. If you do not like my work, do not read it. Of course they do so and comment because they want to assert control, but they do not know that that is what is behind it, because they do not know they are narcissists.

          1. HG, have you written about fuel obsession? I think that is a lot of what was driving the extreme stalking behavior I saw in the program I’ve been watching.

          2. Interesting HG how they behave. Which type of N would seek to seduce you, knowing what you are?

            And would they be attempting to seduce you thinking you are all powerful as an ultra or would they be thinking you’re not really an N?

          3. As an Ultra. One, invited me to seduce her, there’s arrogance and magical thinking for you.

          4. So a small or maybe just a “busy”’fuel
            matrix may trigger a reader into shenanigans here? Interestingly it feels familiar!

          5. Remember, most will believe they are a victim of a narcissist and they will look for information about it. This brings them to my work. They want to court the Ultra, gain my fuel, the fuel of readers because they are narcissists and I and the readers cause hoover triggers. The deficiencies in their fuel matrices also mean that they are likely to return. When some are ignored, this wounds and causes them to stay away for a period of time. They may latch on to other forums and this reduces the prospect of return. Of course they often fall out elsewhere so that forum becomes black and this place becomes white again so they return.

            You do not get to see this because either they email me (thus you do not see) and/or they try to comment and the comments are not moderated through. There are 6 of them that regularly hoover. One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.

          6. You would never say who though? It would be subject A for instance? Would you ever encourage one to comment to illustrate behavior?

          7. Yes I would not refer to them by name as I am not giving them any fuel.

            I would not encourage one to comment, I occasionally allow the comments (which is different from encouragement) purely as a learning example.

          8. Gosh I’m glad! I’d hate you to reveal I’m a dangerous psychopath! It gets scary.

          9. “There are 6 of them that regularly hoover. One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.”

            That would be very educational.

          10. HG, Your comment: “Remember, most will believe they are a victim of a narcissist… One day I might create a representation of their patterns of hoover linked to their schools so you can see how frequently and in what manner they hoover.”

            I have made the mistake of thinking a person that claims to have been a victim of a narcissist must be an empath. This faulty logic has lead to confusion when repeated behaviors by the same ‘victim’ are in clear contrast to that of an empath. I now see this is not always the case. Your insight is so very helpful. I do hope you shed more light on this topic and that you create a post or logic bulletin that exposes such patterns.

            A separate topic worthy of further examination is one NA touched upon: Empaths with N traits are not narcissists and their empathy will be evidenced. For me, NA’s empathy is obvious, but for others, they jump to the N conclusion. Perhaps shedding light on this recurring dynamic, as to why this happens and for whom it happens, would be helpful for all of us.

            Thanks in advance for your consideration.

          11. Thank you for your constructive observations FYC, I will be writing more about these behaviours.

          12. FYC—the who and why of this just came to my mind earlier and I what I mean is what would motivate an empath to incorrectly perceive narcissism, and why would a narcissist be motivated to smear someone in this sort of environment.

          13. No, Lorelei, we already established that alexissmith2016, PES, NarcAngel, and I are the dangerous psychopaths.

            How many puppies did you have for breakfast today?

          14. V
            I ate no puppies, but I did have coffee with someone I worked with for many years. His partner has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and he wanted to express his fears outside of his immediate circle where he feels he has to be “upbeat and fucking positive all the time”. After talking about it a bit, he thanked me for listening and then went further to say:

            “I also want to thank you laughing and saying “and?” When I told you I was gay over 30 years ago in an environment that was not open or supportive at that time. Thank you for asking about my partner when the other women were talking about their husbands or Valentines Day, and asking me what I thought about the hot guy they were lusting over. And thank you for taking up a collection when my partner (now husband) and I bought our first home, as was done for the straight couples. I know most of that money came from you”.

            Clearly I am a monster.

          15. NarcAngel
            Hahahah….I read that “other” thread and saw behaviour unbecoming of an empath.

          16. Actually I was in Petsmart to pick my dogs up from the groomer (I’m sure I’ll be raked over the coals for this) and saw kittens in the adoption room. I want them all. Kittens and puppies are amazingly adorable.

          17. Dearest HG: What I have experienced in making necessary judgements of people, is that one has to make the determination faster in cities and in fast moving societies and when dealing with many more people. I grew up a small town girl. We often knew the character of people, and they had reputations and things moved slower, so one also had the luxury of time to make decisions about the character of a person. In fact, one could have a lifetime to consider a person. But, otherwise, now we have to judge more quickly. It is more a snapshot of time. We often do not have the time and luxury and even the need to take years to judge every person. This is a big problem, but only at times, and sometimes we have to learn to slow down, especially if we are not in a small town, or the decision we are make regarding a person is important and necessary for our well-being, especially. What we see, during what we determine is our available timeframe, which is often under the pressure of a modern timeframe, is often what we process. What we see is what we go with. We do not have all the time in the world to watch someone`s behavior in total, and for years and years. And when we make a mistake, we pay, at times, and, sometimes it does not really matter, and we do not pay at all, and we move on. I have learned more now to slow down from making a decision about a person,whether someone is behaving pleasantly towards me or not. But, more so, If this determination is important to my well-being. And, most of the time, no one can force me to either like someone or dislike someone. If I do not like someone, I do not really care, most of the time, if I am right or wrong about the person, if the person is not essential to my well being. I take them as they present their self to me, personally, as well as to others. If they are wonderful with most people, but not to me, I will notice that. No matter what others will tell me about this person. I pick my battles, and I pick what I will worry about, and what I will not worry about, most of the time, and I will allow myself to be wrong. Especially about transient and tertiary people on the internet, that do not have the power to do something bad to me, if they desired to harm me. And, many people will turn on a dime, anyway, especially these days. So, if someone acts as if they want to kill me, and the world screams that they are an empath, I still will make my own decision about whether or not I like the person. If someone treats me with respect and we get along together and the world screams that they are a Narcississt, I still will determine if I should remove myself from the person. The Narcississt that I was enamored with did not do me dirty, rather more so his 4 Lieutenants. But, ultimately, I removed myself from him, because it was not healthy for me to be around him, and I fell emotional ill and extremely exhausted ruminating about him. Those 4 just came along with the package. And then they wanted me back. No good. It still was my decision to Get Out and Stay Out, away from all of them. If anyone sees that I am missing something in my understanding, I would like to know.

          18. Alexis, I don’t think you’re supposed to tell people your stalking them. You might need some practice at this.

          19. Lorelei
            Now that you say that maybe I’m the one that would be a horrible stalker haha. Theirs no fuel to gain if it’s secretive.

          20. I have never stalked anyone. I had a measure of success that I was able to determine last night. I used to get kinda sick driving to my ex’s house and last night I had to do a drop off. I wasn’t as sick. He makes me really ill typically and it was not gone—but 65.7% less. Maybe 70%. I just hate that it’s not as easy as washing off scabies. It takes longer to clean the soul.

          21. Lorelei, you can’t wash off scabies!!

            You are getting there. 70% is better than the time before right? Do you share custody? It’s harder for those that have ties. I’ve read some of your post and I can tell your becoming more focused. Focus on your success, you are doing great!

          22. Thanks Mercy. I wish the disgust could just leave but it’s closer and closer. Some of it is with myself for not knowing. It was an incredibly bewildering dynamic and I regret the pollution that I didn’t fight more readily. My acceptance of bizarre was so disabling it created a paradox of somewhat equal parts. It’s not fair but this isn’t a pity party..

          23. You are referring to yourself in third person. Does this mean you are no longer in first place in life?

          24. Excellent wit! You’ve chosen first second third and all the rest to have it all!

          25. “It entertains MB!” I’m entertained too. About right now. Remember how it puts the lotion on the skin?

          26. I’m an idiot and replying in parts. Yes he has custody three evenings a week. Not too bad as I have the rest..

          27. HG you’d never encourage one to comment.
            So if one claimed you had (repeatedly) done so- that would be grandiosity?

            Have you ever encouraged an empath several times to comment?

          28. Alex: You have to enter more robustly then that! You have to come in like a: Wrecking Ball. And then afterwards, you could marvel at all the consequent debris and litter and dreck and remnants during the aftermath, while the investigators try hurriedly to locate ground zero and the black box recordings, on the day after. All while estimating the cost of the cleanup. And next locating the best calming and authoritative voices to speak to the public, during the many upcoming scheduled press conferences, while reminding the calming and authoritative voices to wear a windbreaker jacket and a baseball cap: The customary OOTD for such events.

          29. NA
            I’m glad that you wrote that not everyone who has been ensnared by narcissist is an empath. I’ve been thinking that a lot lately. Incidentally, I don’t know you at all but I don’t think you’re a MR Narc, you’ve got balls for a start!

          30. I ate only one puppy for breakfast, but it was a Great Pyr and there are lots of leftovers. All the rest of you monsters are invited.

            Mmm-mmmm, furry!

          31. Liza:

            Somebody cutting onions in the damn room….

            Thanks. The lifelong accusation is “If you would just FOCUS….”

          32. As Alexissmith2016 simultaneously bursts into song and foliage:

            Fuel me, HG.
            Fuel me all night long.
            “That’s right, boy!”
            You can do it…
            Fuel me, HG.
            Fuel me all night long…
            ‘Cause if you fuel me, HG,
            I can grow up, big and strong.

          1. Here’s what I don’t get: she says she is working on her PhD, yet she is indignant when people argue with her.

            I’ve known academics in various fields, from History, Literature, and the Performing Arts to Health Care, Engineering, and Mathematics, and if you give a paper and no one asks you anything during Q&A, your paper has failed. If people debate your findings during Q&A and it runs almost longer than the presentation itself, your paper was a success. If, from then on, anyone who writes on the topic has to cite your work, even if it’s only to refute you, you are on the map.

            That, clearly, is not how she’s approaching things. Did she ever say what her major is?

          2. Violetta,
            what you described is a real researcher who does it because they are pationate about their field and do sincerely want to make progress, those individuals would be happy if you question them, they see it either as an oportunity to learn or teach what they know.
            but there is an other model who just want to be called Doctor, and they will remind you that they have a phd even when they are only buying a coffee from you, they use it as an othority argument to be always right, even if they have a phd in computer science but you are talking about a heath issue.

          3. Liza:

            I have a goddam PhD. This is the first time I’m bringing it up, because I was embarrassed by the fact that I’m working as an underpaid overworked adjunct with no benefits or security, and if the Business Ed majors who’ve taken over our institution continue ruining it, I won’t even have that.

            I did office work when I lived in NYC, and I hope I can do that again if necessary. I’ve worked publishing, but that is also a dying industry. Now that everything is on the web, it’s easy and relatively cheap to correct errors. They don’t need copy editors to check everything at each stage from manuscript to blues.

            I may end up leaving off a degree or two fr my resume so I’m not considered overqualified. OTOH, I’d rather work in day care, as I did as an undergraduate, than inflict the crap the present admin. mandates on our students. Better to wipe baby rears than kiss the administration’s.