Following yesterday’s announcement by The Sussexes (which is really Meghan Markle´s announcement) that they will be stepping back from their role as “senior royals” and splitting their time between North America and UK, more information has become available which merits comment in the context of understanding the behaviour of a narcissist.
1. Whose Decision Is It Anyway?
Harry and Meghan said they made the decision “after many months of reflection and internal discussions”.
Be under no misapprehension, this decision is Meghan Markle´s and hers alone. She is the controller and everybody else must be the controlled, which naturally includes Prince Harry as her Intimate Partner Primary Source.
Markle´s unconscious facade management paints a gloss of it being a considered and joint decision. It is not. Miss Markle has made the decision and Prince Harry has to go along with it. Whilst we are not privy to the actual “discussions” since Miss Markle is a narcissist, it is highly likely that she will have utilised the following manipulations to get his “consent”.
- Pity Play – she will have pointed to the media dislike of her and how unfair it is and how this should be escaped by moving in part to north America and cutting ties with royal duties
- Guilt – “do it for me”. “you want me to be happy don’t you?” , “if you want what is best for us, you would agree with me.”
- Triangulation – “This is what would be best for Archie, you want your son to have the best start in life don’t you?”
- Promised Gain – “It will be an equal split, we will not lose touch with your family and the UK, I know it is in an important part of your life.”
- Future Faking – “We will definitely spend at least half of our time in the UK, I promise.”
- Threat – “If we do not do this, I do not know how we will manage”, “If we do not get some breathing space, H, who knows what it will do to us and I do not want to lose us, do you?”
Miss Markle has made the decision. Prince Harry has been manipulated into agreement. It is not agreement made with any degree of free will. Initially, he will believe it is what he wants because he remains caught up in his love for Miss Markle and like any empathic victim, he wants everything to be fine and for it all to work. Over time he will realise it is not what he wants, but of course maintain the facade of agreement, for fear of reprisal, but this is not what he wants.
2. No Good Advice
Note that the decision was purportedly made with regard to apparent reflection and internal discussions, i.e. to suggest that it is a joint decision between Miss Markle and Prince Harry. There is an absence of reference to having taken advice from other sensible sources, to having taken soundings from knowledgeable individuals, to have floated the idea with those who may be able to offer sound and wise counsel. This is no surprise and evidences the narcissistic behaviours of
- The need for control. Taking advice from others means relinquishing control.
- Haughtiness “I know best”
- Sense of Entitlement – “I do what I want”
- Grandiosity – “Nobody knows better than me.”
3. A Failure To Consult
The Royal Family are said to be “hurt” at the Duke and Duchess of Sussex’s announcement they will step back as senior royals.
Prince Harry and Meghan did not consult any senior royal before making the statement.
Marrying into the Royal Family brings privilege and also obligation. Miss Markle is naturally content to embrace the privilege and the platform but since she has no sense of accountability, her narcissism rejects the obligation that comes with this. Therefore, she decides that she can have the upside and reject the downside of becoming a royal.
The failure to consult with the rest of the Royal Family and especially the Queen demonstrates
- A sense of entitlement
- A lack of accountability
- An absence of emotional empathy – Markle does not care how her decision makes anybody else feel, although she has cognitive empathy and therefore can layer on the gloss to make it appear as if she cares, but she does not. She always comes first in order to maintain her unstoppable need to control everything around her, although of course, this is an unconscious need and one of which she is not aware.
4. “Show Me The Money!”
They said they intend “to step back as ‘senior’ members of the Royal Family, and work to become financially independent”.
Miss Markle´s decision is essentially – “We are leaving but in the meantime we will take the pay check thank you very much.” It is akin to you saying to your employer, I am going part-time whilst I look at other options, I have not discussed this with you, but you will continue to pay me as a full time employee.
Anybody with a sense of accountability would state “Okay, we are going our own way, we cannot expect therefore to be financially supported because we are stepping back from our role as senior members of the Royal Family
This evidences the narcissistic behaviours of
- Sense of Entitlement
- Lack of Accountability
- Asset Acquisition
- lack of emotional empathy
- poor boundary recognition
5. Financial Hypocrisy
The statement that was released was that the Sussexes would “work to be financially independent” But Doesn’t Prince Harry have a substantial inheritance from his mother, financial support ins position as a Royal and moreover Miss Markle likes to remind us that she is self-made. Therefore, either she is not as financially well-off as she likes to portray (Grandiosity, Facade Management ) or could be financially independent now but will not do so and will continue to take financial support from the Royal Family (Hypocrisy, Sense of Entitlement, Lack of Emotional Empathy).
Either way, it is yet another example of Miss Markle´s narcissism at work.
6. To Isolate Is To Control
“This geographic balance will enable us to raise our son with an appreciation for the royal tradition into which he was born, while also providing our family with the space to focus on the next chapter,” the couple said.
This is just the facade being managed once again and is purely a sop to suggest that the royal connection will be upheld. What it really is, is the start of the salami slicing removal of Prince Harry from any influence which will impact on Miss Markle´s control of him. It also contains a passive aggressive dig by referring to the provision of space and once again demonstrates the sense of entitlement and lack of accountability. Miss Markle fails, because she is a narcissist, to recognise that when you enter the Royal Family, you leave your entitlement to space at the main gate.
This statement is a manipulation through facade management and its true purpose is to deflect from Prince Harry´s systematic isolation from others better enabling Miss Markle to assert control over him as the Intimate Partner Primary Source in devaluation.
7. The Narrow Focus of Control
Those of you familiar with my work know that the vast majorities of narcissists are Lesser or Mid Range. This means they do not know what they are, cannot change and operate instinctively. It also means that the narcissist is entirely (unconsciously) focussed on control IN THE NOW and is not concerned with control last week or control in three months´time. This means that the narcissist makes decisions (unconsciously) based on asserting control NOW without due regard for collateral consequences. This invariably leads to poor collateral outcomes for many narcissists (not all) in terms of failed relationships, poor familial relationships, job issues, money problems, criminal activity and so forth.
For example, a Lesser narcissist when challenged by his foreman, may well assert control in THAT MOMENT by physically assaulting the foreman. The narcissist has gained control in that moment, which is all his narcissism wants. However, the collateral consequence is that he loses his job. Of course, at that later point, his narcissism rejects that it is his fault as he declares “The foreman provoked me” or “I never wanted to work for those arseholes anyway”. It is never the narcissists fault but this need for control and shirking accountability often leads to adverse collateral consequences. Miss Markle´s action is no different.
Her decision is apparently about seeking space and looking to the next chapter, however, this unprecedented behaviour will only stoke media comment and interest (much of which is likely be to Challenge Fuel) and therefore her actions may enable control NOW but will lead to potential control issues thereafter, but remember, her narcissism is only concerned about control in the moment, not what is coming down the line.
This issue has been already identified, albeit not in the context of narcissism, with this observation reported by BBC News
Prof Kate Williams, a royal historian, said it will be “difficult” for Harry and Meghan to lead “normal” lives, as media interest in them will increase after their “unprecedented” move.
There lies the adverse collateral consequence.
8. Fuel Me World!
Making this announcement has naturally provoked a massive media and public response. Who has provoked all of these comments, the speculation and observations? Miss Markle. Therefore every column inch, every news report, every tweet, every conversation about this matter is fuel and allows Miss Markle to feel that she is in control. Those who support her decision and state as such are providing her with Positive Fuel and reinforcing that she has control. Those who question it, query the basis for it, reject the manner in which it has been done or are otherwise critical issue Challenge Fuel. Thus there is fuel but it challenges her sense of entitlement and threatens her control. She will, of course deal with this by focussing on the fact that she is getting her way and that she has those who support her.
And what of the world and its observations about this behaviour. It has been described as unprecedented and beyond bizarre. The BBC´s Royal Correspondent has framed it as
“Some might see this as the slimmed-down monarchy that the 21st Century needs.But Harry and Meghan reached people that other royals didn’t. They were part of the reinvention and refreshing of the institution.”
Once again, that misses what is actually happening here – it is narcissism in action.
One commenter got slightly closer, as reported by BBC News
“Graham Smith, a spokesman for Republic, which campaigns for an elected head of state, said Harry and Meghan’s decision “raises questions about the monarchy’s future” and will prompt taxpayers to ask how the couple’s extra security and overseas lifestyle will be funded.
Mr Smith questioned why they were announcing they were working towards being financially independent, saying: “To suggest that they’re not already financially independent is incredibly crass and belies a sense of self-entitlement and a lack of self-awareness that is common among royals.”
Mr Smith identifies the sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness that this decision belies, albeit misses that it is narcissism at work.
The continuing behaviour of Meghan Markle provides an excellent example of a narcissist in action, although as always, the world fails to understand what is happening, pontificates about the behaviour and forms the wrong conclusions time and time again. This enables such behaviour to continue in relationships both romantic and familial, socially, in the workplace and beyond.
Only one place identifies what it actually going on and why.
Isn’t it time that you ensured more and more people realised this?
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