Questioning Me
Do feel free to ask me anything you like. I am here for you to dip into my mind and for you to benefit from learning how I view the world. No question is off limits and if you want to establish a dialogue with me, then so much the better. You will be helping me so I can show the treatment team that I am interacting with people in this setting. You can ask me why I do certain things, what am I thinking, what my favourite food is, whatever you like. This is your chance to extract as much knowledge and information from me as you possibly can. If you want to just make a statement, go ahead. Fill your boots. I don’t know you so I won’t fly into a rage (this does happen when people I know question me but that is because they have an agenda – you don’t because we don’t know one another). I look forward to hearing from you.
11,815 thoughts on “Questioning Me”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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Mr. Tudor,
During your interview with John Cooper, he asked you what you would do if someone got the better of you. Before you laughed, there was a slight pause. If you’re willing to share, I’m curious what you were thinking in that pause.
Do I deem a response with disdain or humour to be the most effective response to this challenge to my control.
Thank you, Mr. Tudor!
H.G., who is Jordyguin? ))) 👀
Why on this site, everything is just like in real life…… 🤦♀️
Off into the sunset
Omg, just saw this. Josi, you’re adorable! The answer is actually really simple.
Now, who is Josephina, huh? Huh??
Lol, “Off into the sunset” — you do belong on the stage, lovely!
Have any other empaths felt like they started healing more with more alone time? I have no problem leaving the house and enjoy going out once or twice a week but becoming more aware how I feel *much better* staying in, making art etc. I haven’t taken the empath detector but suspect I’m high on contagion. I’m nearly 50 and feel socialised out lol! I like chatting here and a few other places and seeing a few friends and hubby of course but realising how much I soak up other people’s emotions. No way of knowing but I think, as mentioned before that the chronic pain and fatigue are related.
“Have any other empaths felt like they started healing more with more alone time?”
Hi, Jade. For me, the answer is definitely yes. It’s absolutely good for me. Being completely without people makes me feel down, but having a very small circle — that truly heals.
Yes, a very small circle Josephina. 👌 I now have two empath friends I trust plus hubby and here.. it really helps. Glad you’re finding this too. ❤️
Hi Jade,
I have Contagion as part of my empath make up and I enjoy alone time in Nature, by the water, in the woods etc. I find Nature healing for me, it calms my nerves and centers me.
When I’m around other people, I tend to catch their vibes and react to their feelings and I can’t fully relax around some people…I feel on guard around them, going to the park is my way of unwinding from stress and interacting with a lot of people at my job. Xx
I could have written this word for word Rebecca. I catch vibes and react too.. that’s exactly it! 🎯 Yes to alone time.✊ I went on my quiet country walk this morning as usual, I sometimes see 1 or 2 dogwalkers which is ok, but I saw about 20 people today and came back quite rattled! 🥴
Jade,
I enjoy my alone time now, I get it after work for a few hours and when I can on my daily brisk walk in nature.
I was going to the gym for a while, trying something new, but I stopped going after a year…that many people in the building left me feeling like a fish in a small bowl. I hated that feeling and it didn’t help calm me down, or make me feel recharged. It was too many people in there and I need open space, nature and less people. I wish I lived in the mountains by a lake. Xx
You sound like you’ve got some good decompression routines Rebecca. Yeh being inside with too many people is the same for me. I do live in the countryside but even that gets too busy at times lol.
Hi Jade,
Yes, I learned this calming habit back in high school for me….living with a narc mother…I learned early how to unwind from dealing with her and it serves me still, living with a narc husband….I take daily brisk walks in nature, wirhout the walks, i feel a bit like a racing horse stuck in a stall…get me out of here! ….screams in my mind. I have to get out and breathe, it’s why the gym did nothing for my nerves. I can’t stand to be cooped up 24/7, it drives me nuts….xx
Jade,
I also can’t sit and watch tv for long. I have to get up and clean, do something…even when I’m listening to HG’s videos, I’m doing my stretches or some chores.. the livechats are the only ones I actually sit down and type back to other followers…I’m a bit of an energetic person, busy, bubbly and a bit anxious. My spirit animal is a high strung, skiddish Arabian horse. 😄xx
That’s a great sanity saver Rebecca! I didn’t realise about my mum till 5 years ago but were vlc now luckily.
I am a bit different to you in that regard. I’m always a bit sore and tired Rebecca, though I do crochet and draw a lot these days which doesn’t take too much energy.. abs it helps with stopping ruminating. But if I do too much I get overwhelmed. I’m kind of like an 80 year old lady pace! Enjoying it though lol 👵
Hi Jade,
My coping skills , to be fair, have been around since I was 12 when I first went to therapy and I learned what works for me to calm down and deal with things. I still have my times when even my coping skills don’t help my nerves, so I distract myself with doing something new, something that pulls my mind away from my troubles. Xx
For a long time, I was like Rebecca. Always moving. I couldn’t sit still. Now all I want to do is relax. I’m almost never alone. There’s always people around. Even when I go for walks, there’s people around. I can still get antsy but then I’ll jump on the blog or YouTube and that helps abate the restlessness.
Jade, I made a comment on another thread. My empath daughter crochets as well. She finds it helps her decompress. She has an occupation where she’s with people all the time.
YT and the blog are good ways to decompress, aren’t they Leigh? I thought I’d need more time off here but actually the lightness and jokes we make help a lot. 😂 Also HGs stories make it’s feel more fun as well as learning at the same time.
I love crochet.. your daughter and I have a lot in common. I started during COVID and it helped with lessening ruminating (though being around my mum less has also helped that).
Glad you find ways to decompress from bring around people. ❤️
That’s good Rebecca. I’m pleased you got to learn those skills. So important and we’re not taught how to switch off or decompress (though I think that’s getting more mainstream now).
Hi Jade,
I have a job where I’m around a lot of people for majority of my shift. I sometimes will leave an area when I’m somewhere that’s getting overcrowded. I’m glad I am free to move around and I’m on my feet for my job, so it’s easier to keep on moving. Xx
I’m glad you’ve found workarounds in your job, Rebecca. Apart from seeing clients one to one I get to be alone at work which helps. If I see my mum I pop to the loo when I need time out.
There’s something about Mr. Tudor’s voice that calms me. When I’m out for my walk and I’m listening to him, I feel relaxed. His voice is very soothing.
For the most part, the blog is very calming too and can be a lot of fun. Every once in awhile a narc will fly in but they only stick around for a little bit and then fly back out.
I know what you mean about HGs voice, Leigh. The more I listen, the more I like it.
Yeh, it does seem like a good vibe mostly, I’ve seen some threads where there was a narc which was interesting but it does seem like empaths in the main.
Jade,
I escape to the bathroom, during my last break….it gives me a chance to unwind a bit and breathe. Thankfully they keep the bathrooms clean…😄xx
Jade and Leigh,
I find HG’s voice calming to me too. I believe listening to his videos, while I stretch and do chores helps me calm down too. Xx
Have either of you purchased HG’s Calming Series? I bought three of them. Xx
A clean bathroom helps, Rebecca! 😊 I sometimes use my phone to block a little too. I saw that you mentioned your daughter does that too, Leigh (on the contagion shielding thread). Little adjustments can really help 👌
Hi Jade,
I’m not Contagion at all but I have experienced a different desire to socialize as I’ve been healing. I think in my past, long time ago, I was out and about in a running sort of way, not knowing how to help myself, so must keep moving. Then, I was at home with kids for years, and my ex who was a narc, I was pretty isolated even though he didn’t order it so. After he left, I was raising kids still for 10 years and had no desire to socialize or date. But it wasn’t from a place of health, it was from overwhelm, exhaustion, a broken heart etc. Now, since being here, I feel like it’s a choice. I chose to socialize sometimes and not others. It’s no longer running from anything and I’m not avoiding anything either now. Here I learned that the world is not safe, people will hurt you, though I’d known that since birth, there was cognitive dissonance at play, and the dangerous people were in my home then. No dangerous people living with me now, so now I decide if I want to face that or not before I go out. That means even upstairs where my mom lives. If I can’t handle her, I don’t go, I wait until I can. So not less socializing but more intentional.
Thanks for sharing AV. ❤️
“Here I learned that the world is not safe, people will hurt you, though I’d known that since birth, there was cognitive dissonance at play, and the dangerous people were in my home then.” < This resonates a lot.
I like what you said about choice. Very powerful. I'm an introvert and though i like being around people in small bursts, think I've spent too long not honouring that side of me as well as contagion/ sensitivity which I think has led to chronic pain and fatigue, as mentioned in other comments. My mum is very extroverted / MMR a and I was groomed to be "sociable" without consideration for my nature.. a hard pattern to drop but… Time for me. I'm 50 soon and socialised out lol 🫣 I'm glad you have got to where you have too AV, it sounds like quite the journey but you sound empowered now. X
Jade,
I get that, “groomed to be sociabl”. My dad groomed me to be the entertainer in a group. To this day I hate phone calls because I feel like I have to keep the conversation going. I’ve gotten a lot better, I’ll let it sit in silence now if the other person doesn’t, or I’ll say goodbye. But it’s so stressful for me, most of my friends know to text, not call, which helps.
Hi AV,
I understand how you feel. Xx🥹🩷
It’s amazing how powerful that grooming can be, and how long it can last, isn’t it AV? Glad you’ve been able to change it and that you’re friends get it too. I’m very hermity now and the good friends I’ve made understand. I had lots of people who would pressurised me or would sulk if I didn’t see them “enough”, in my life for many years. Glad they’re gone! ✊
Thanks Rebecca, were you expected to entertain also?
Hi AV,
I was expected to accompang my mother to her doctor visits, hospital trips, yard sales she wanted to go to, any time she went out, she expected me to go with her. She didn’t do that to my brother, just me, and if I wasn’t home to accompany her, I heard about it fot a while. I was on her shit list, if I wasn’t home to go with her. It didn’t change when I moved out. I was more on het shit list, as an adult because she lost control over me and she would cry and whine. She would even have my Dad call me and ask me to accompany them places. I think her wanting me under her thumb was her way of entrrtaining her, at least I see it that way. Do you think I entertained her? I would make her laugh with my goofiness, so maybe I did entertain her? I didn’t see it that way originally, now I wonder about it? Xx
Sorry you experienced that too Rebecca. We’re meant to be entertain, listen, soothe their brows etc.. 😤 I think because I’m an empath maybe, my mum wanted me to socialise with others as an extension of herself, to make her look good and a good show for the family.
Hi AV, Leigh and Jade,
My mother used to dress my older brother and I like we were twins. She dressed me in the same shade of blue as my brother. I would wear a dress and he would wear a pants suit. She liked straightening my hair and putting me in dresses. She would critisize me as an adult, when I would let my loose curls and waves free. She would also critisize me for wearing jeans instead of a dress. I wore jeans anyway. I wear my hair loose anyway. I was an adult, not her doll. She hated that I had my own thoughts of how I should wear my hair and dress. She resented me becoming an adult and out of her control.
At one point her Pastor tried to tell me how to dress to be a member of their church. He wanted me to wear a dress. I wear a dress when I want to wear a dress. I told him and God doesn’t care what I wear as long as I’m decently dressed. I didn’t join his church because of his rules of dress. I also didn’t like him telling people who to vote for in the elections either. I thought he was overstepping with political views at church. I left that church and didn’t look back. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
You bringing up hair brought up a memory for me. I have curly hair too. My mother didn’t know how to take care of it or rather she didn’t want to take care of it. I’d often get these huge spider knots in my hair. Then she’d make my father take care of it. I’d be crying the whole time. She probably got off on my misery.
Hi Leigh,
I’m sorry your mother was mean to you with your hair. She most likely did get off on causing you pain. I think LMR’s make the worse mothers because they can be so kind and then so mean, and you don’t know which one you’ll get that moment, that day. It makes it hard not to resent the mean behavior and hard not to long for the kindness to come back, but that’s where the pull and push dynamic of the narcissist becomes addictive and feels so familiar to us. Xx
Hi Rebecca,
Thank you for your understanding. When I have memories of my mother pop up, thankfully it only bothers me in the moment. I make it a point to move on from it pretty quickly because I don’t like letting her rent space in my head.
Hi Jade, your comment here is interesting and not surprising. An EDC will confirm results of schools / cadres. I found that reading up on (and also self-diagnosed) on PTSD, CPTSD – alongside HG’s explanations on LT and ET, narcissistic abuse etc were very beneficial, to aid better understanding of myself as an individual. Of course, there are narcissists that know, yet, continue to apply their manipulations to control (it does not always work, so they may get wounded). The more of HG’s work and other bloggers experiences, the more you will understand about yourself. It takes time to process.
Thanks for the validation Asp Amp, i appreciate it. Yes, I agree about cptsd too. I am finding out so much and it’s sinking in slowly but surely .. it’s really enlightening.
Ps – What’s LT?
Hi Jade, you’ll find this useful….
https://narcsite.com/acronyms/
happy reading 🙂
Thanks Asp Amp, ☺️ oh yes, LT makes sense now!
Hi Jade,
I would consider myself an ambivert. I’m an introvert until you draw me out. Once you draw me, I’m an extrovert. Most people don’t drain me. Over time, certain narcissists can though. I have a small amount of Contagion. I can only feel another person’s emotions if its heightened and in close proximity. I’m like Rebecca. I like to go for walks by alot of trees and by the water. Nature brings me back to center as well.
With all of that said, like AV said, I’m making the choice to isolate myself as much as possible. I read on the blog as much as possible. I listen to Mr. Tudor on my walks. I still socialize, but I limit it. I like the peace that isolation brings me.
Yes Leigh,
100% agree, alone time is the best to center yourself and enjoy the peace of nature. I still socialize too, but I’ve become more selective of who I spend time with now and for how long too. Xx
I think quality over quantity with humans is key, Leigh and Rebecca 😀
Jade, I 100% agree xx
Dearest Jade,
I love “alone” time (with Mr Bubbles) and am very similar to yourself. Chatting here doesn’t involve making people tea or coffee or feeding them haha Quite often, I have to psych myself up just to go to the shops because there’s, dare I say, people ……ugh! I’m a magnet (and an extrovert) and find it exhausting because people are naturally drawn to me. I find the Easter and Xmas rush stressful now, so I go early as to beat the rush. I try never to be on the road in peak hour, particularly school and tradie knockoff times.
I’m also apprehensive to unknown callers on the phone and people knocking at the front door. When I’m home, I’m never bored, I have a 101 things to do, never enough hours in the day hehe
I’ve done my fair share of peopling, it’s now “me” time! They can all bugga off Haha
Dear Bubbles 🫧❤️
I’m the same, alone or with Mr Jade (and furry Jade lol 😹). You sound very like me apart from being an extrovert. I’m enjoying getting to the stage of life where I know what suits me and can “shut off”! X
Dearest Jade,
I much prefer animals to people and love our little furry ball. Trust me, I’m not as extroverted as I used to be to people. Mr Tudor is permanently stuck on my shoulder, constantly jabbing me with his devil’s pitch fork and whispering in my ear “ah ah ah” as a constant reminder hahaha
I like to “shut off” and “shut out”, which included barricading the house with our spiked fence so people can’t penetrate the perimeter. We also have cameras
Phew haha
Ooh I like the spiked fence and cameras idea lol Bubbles! 😂 Our furry friends are the best. And of course HGs useful reminders help too… I’m learning to be polite but not get into conversation as much with people too.
Dearest Bubbles,
Mr. Tudor is permanently stuck on my shoulder too! Its his voice I hear saying, “Go to the evidence, use logic.”
HG is like Spock from star trek. 🖖 It’s ironic that if he wasn’t a psychopath he might not be able to help us as much as he does..
Hi Jade,
I love Star Trek and Spock was my favorite!
But did he shag an alien line Captain Kirk?
Dear HG and Leigh,
In the newer Star Trek movies, No, Spock doesn’t shag an alien, but he does date a coworker….😄😄xx
My Dad praticially raised me on Star Trek and Star Wars! My Dad was even on the Navy battleship called the Enterprise. It is a real battleship. I thought it was cool that he was on the Enterprise, though it is a different kind of ship. 😄 Worf was my favorite character. I liked his grumpiness and his sense of honour. Xx
7 of 9 gained my attention.
Lol, Mr. Tudor! Captain Kirk was a playboy for sure!
Spock had the Vulcan neck grip! He was bad ass!
Live long and prosper. 🖖
Lol!🖖
Dear Bubbles:
I am overtaken by the French fur balls. Inspector Clouseau , Lulu and Jean Jacques are Co-D no need for a Tudor scope. But I realized since birth I have never lived without a cat or dog. While I don’t miss his abuse, I miss being married as I am long used to a partner. Nature is wondrous, my Rambles the Black California Phoebe, the finches in my fountain overlooking the ocean, Jeremiah my loyal bullfrog at night, so many delights. I love my garden too and the Ocean. My friends including here are the jewels of my life. But I do miss a mate….in time. Hope to choose better….not ready yet but oddly I still sleep on the left side of my bed with my snoring smelly unconditionally mutually loved furballs….
Dear HG,
😄I’m sure she did get your attention….my narc ex husband called her, 39 of DD. Xx
I would certainly form an away team of one to explore her planetary surfaces.
Dear HG,
😆😆I’m sure you would and explore very deeply too, repeatily! 😄😆xx
Rebecca,
I wasn’t a fan of Spock and Lt. Uhura! Not one little bit!
Jade: I am almost looking for am empathetic site alone. My one long term sweet friend has been verbally and I stress verbally fighting with an obnoxious neighbor and now he wants me at a restraining order hearing. My best friends daughter has a misdemeanor wobbler felony. Going. I have a neighbor running for the HOA, they don’t like him and screw him…. I could go on and on the needs for help,no money then there aren’t own clients, my dogs BUT my children are super successful. The thing is with those you love, you got to figure it out together. Everything I read, cutting off SNAP that will mostly harm hungry poor children to this American shoots this American then open up the world like Sudan… it can be crippling. And all we can do is ou best each day. Mine hasa line around it. But in the end we must fight for love to remain on this planet through acceptance and virtue and in my case Fairh. Read the news ! Empathy and justice is neeeded now. Swords up empaths!
I agree Contagious. & I think I’m more use to the world when I’m “recharged” from the alone time too. And I think sometimes the little things matter. I let someone in front of me in the supermarket the other day, for example and she looked so happy. She had a headscarf on and I wondered if people are usually kind to her. Maybe, maybe not. I know not everyone doing “raise the flag” is racist here, but there’s a strange feeling with this atm. I’m not sure I’d feel particularly welcome if I looked like I was from a different culture. I think little acts of kindness ripple out for all of us don’t they? ❤️
“…the idea that someone is trying to help the middle class and working class is wonderful to me.”
That’s the Marxist lie. If you scratch the surface of nearly any of them you will find a slovenly, entitled, nepo baby who has never made a sacrifice, held a job, or been responsible for a successful enterprise. They want you to hate the wealthy who have achieved while living off harvests they didn’t sow.
They haven’t taken the risk of working to produce something of value. They don’t know the meaning of property, what it takes to own something. What goes into building a world and not just deconstructing institutions and traditions. They know nothing about money, economics, or how the world works, and they promise Utopia that ends up–equitably–distributing scarcity and death. With them envisioned at the top skimming the benefits. In the likeness of their founder.
They use class to divide us into oppressor/oppressed, and blame the rich because it’s easy to do so once you’ve convinced people that the reason they themselves don’t have a yacht is because landlords and grocers are greedy. They deliver nice sounding speeches wearing the costume of the 99%, then board their private planes to their summer homes in the Hamptons.
They want us dependent on government because they want to run it. They want our taxes.They demand that the productive people fully fund their schemes, while they enrich themselves from the ideas and industry of others. They never explain how the drivers of the free busses get paid, how the fleet gets maintained, or what to do when public transport turns into rolling homeless encampments with citizens getting stabbed or immolated on the regular. Call a government social worker and plug the wounds with good vibes.
They don’t care one bit about “the downtrodden” or the working class except to see how high they can stack them to build the best perch from which to look down on people who don’t agree with them.
I found it stomach turning but not entirely surprising that one of the first things the newly installed mayor did after the election was ask for money.
Power to the people. Because they’re going to pay for it.
Morning HG,
could a “normal” be more codependent than an empath?
Thanking you 🙏
In the context of the narcissist dynamic? No.
Thanks HG.
Mr. Tudor,
Your interview with John Cooper was so informative. I can’t wait for the next one on Psychopathy.
You have so many books in the pipeline. I’m looking forward to reading them all! Will Santa Tudor be releasing any of them in time for the holidays?
You will have to wait and see.
Mr. Tudor,
I’m just so excited, I can hardly wait!
Hi HG, is it common for empaths with a good portion of contagion to feel and notice things but doubt themselves / find it hard to work out what’s “their’s ” and what’s “others”?
I hope you’re well.
Yes.
Thank you HG.
Definitely something for me to work on.
Hello HG:
Do you mean feel responsible to help others? I would agree. BUT Ai know what’s my responsibility and those Iove or a stranger with a problem that I feel is an injustice. I would almost but just almost agree that I champion without limit why is good for me. Agreed. BUT I do it with full intention. With careful thought and with love, or social purpose. I don’t help everyone. Wish I could but I am not God. I just cannot stand by Luke a bystander to social injustice or a loved one in need. And the more people who raise their swords to live versus hate, to decency versus greed,to peace versus violence. Well I follow His shoes….I dont just say it, I do it. Two friends this week, I am attending for free, a 10 million civil rights action I took on, and I have lost count thence number of people I have homes, fed, my address used Do I feel used? So many say… why? Nope. I feel strong and righteous and as a soldier of love, and a Californian… all good;) often tired, yes
hello, i keep failing the nonce verification! can’t comment or ask anything. i’ve just tried now. i’ll log out and back in again later.
Hi Mari,
I loathed that nonce verification error! AP gave a really good tip. Try refreshing the page before you comment. That’s worked for me.
I find that the decision to use the term “nonce verification” amusing.
I was always relieved there wasn’t a nonce identified nearby.
Hehe. Me too.
Nonce verification sounds like it should be a promising business model in public safety. If only it didn’t have such an abysmal fail rate!
Oh my…
Ugh, Rebecca 🐙🤢
The irony of using the word “nonce” is not lost on me, Mr. Tudor. Its like they’re intentionally screwing with our heads!
I had to look it up. 🤢
OMG, AV! I just looked it up too and saw the slang meaning in the UK. 😮😮😮 I had no idea about that.
I thought it was ironic because in this case nonce is being used to describe a single use code. So when we get the nonce verification failed message, the single use code to verify has failed. What’s ironic is that it keeps on happening. That’s what I thought Mr. Tudor meant as well.
Sometimes things just fly right over my head!
Now I understand Allison’s comment too. Oh my is right!
We need to come up with a HG transatlantic and rhyming slang interpretation manual! 😄
Or make our own up.. i’ll start .. he’s a right walk in the park = narc! Sorry not sorry 🤭
Leigh and AV,
I had to look it up too and I was shocked at the meaning in the UK! Xx
Hi Jade,
“A transatlantic and rhyming slang interpretation manual” – that made me chuckle!
You lost me at “he’s a right walk in the park = narc”. I think I do need that interpretation manual, lol!
Hehe.. or we make our own Leigh americaglish! Just being silly with the walk in your park one and made it up lol.. 🥴
Lol, Jade!
I have a term for narcs already. Fuckfaces, lol!
I imagine Mr. Tudor as King of the Fuckfaces, lol!
Charming.
Mr. Tudor, my comment was just a lame attempt at trying to be a little cheeky. You’re a King and all those nasty narcissists are mere peasants!
Quite so.
Hi Leigh,
Your choice of narc names made me laugh…I prefer to call the one I knew and blocked, Octopus….because he was very touchy feely with everyone, I learned this fact later…but, the name fits. 😄xx
“Charming” HG, I can imagine your voice and tone here. 😄xx
Lol Leigh! 🤣 I think there’s a compliment in there somewhere HG!
I sometimes call them nasty-cysts! Sorry HG 😁
Mr Tudor does have a good turn of phrase, Rebecca! I think the kote I listen to him on YT the more I hear his sardonic voice when he comments.
Sorry about your octopus narc! Yikes.
Lol Rebecca! Octopus sounds very appropriate for the narcissist. They are very touchy feely!
Talking about the peasants, Leigh and HG.. it always made me laugh how HG described mid rangers but the more I learn here, the more I agree lol. Lessers are at least honest and greaters not so obvious but the mid rangers “are* particularly annoying!
Hi Jade,
HG has the best emotional inflections in his voice and they make me laugh. Xx
Hi Leigh,
It was HG who gave me the idea for the nickname , with HG describing the tenacules of the narcissist….😆xx
Hi Jade,
The Midrangers are the biggest babies too. Have you purchased HG’s Mauls the Midranger series? It’s hilarious and worth listening to them! Xx
He’s so dry, Rebecca.. absolutely hilarious. I’m a bit of an overthinker lol but I was thinking of HGs humour and how comedy has been watered down so much recently in fear of offending someone. Of course there’s a line and I don’t like mean humour for the sake of it but I think good comedy straddles that fine line and this work is funnier than I have heard in recent years, plus educational. I was also thinking of the audience of empaths and being funny without being too mean.. he does it so well. #overthinking
Ps HG did I hear right that you’re a Matt Berry fan? Have you seen him in IT crowd…?
You heard correctly and yes I have.
HG, Matt Berry is a genius.
Rebecca, I haven’t re HG mauls and mid rangers. They’re VERY annoying. I work in mental health and there’s a lot of them there 🥴
Ps I keep getting flashbacks on each comment lol.. your octopus one that HG said made me think of a friend’s boyfriend that kept trying to touch my bottom 🤢 ugh
Oh another octopus I remember, Rebecca. My “friend” towards my now husband then she first met him. She’s one of the two a-holes I mentioned to you Leigh. 🐙 They’re tentacles get everywhere 🤢
Hi Rebecca,
I love the HG Mauls series! My absolute favorite is HG Mauls the Victim Narcissist. If you don’t have it, you should get it. Its hysterical. Both my mom and my husband are victim narcs. I know your mom was one too. Its dead on balls accurate!
Hi Jade,
My dad was an upper lesser. I can almost have a little respect for him because he was at least up front. What you see is what you got. The mealy-mouthed mid rangers are passive aggressive with shriveled up balls and hide behind a facade. Pathetic!
That’s it exactly Leigh. I need to learn more about lessers as I’m sure a brother fits in that group somewhere (the one my mum keeps trying to convince people I’d sensitive lol). But yeh, it’s all out there and you kind of know where you’re at. I think my mum is MMR a as mentioned and another b as she has much more of a victim mentality but both have the caring facade. I feel for the unawares thinking they’re good people when they’re not lol but they are bloody irritating! Ps sorry if you’ve told me already, what type is your mum?
Hehe. Love the humour. I was laughing out loud listening to ensnared earlier. Funny but too many similarities to people I’ve known!
Sorry Leigh.. that should have read another family member is b.
It’s interesting all the bits of knowledge you can pick up listening to HG, isn’t it? He said word for word something that a MMR b would say which made me realise this other person was a b not a. It’s spooky how much detail he knows. It’s like the unawares are all pre-programmed! My lesser brother also calls everyone else “idiots”. I think I heard HG say something like that before about your lesser “trademark”.
Hi Jade,
My mom is a lower mid range victim narc like my husband. Lower mid range narcs are a combination of a lesser and a mid range narcissist. That means they have lesser and mid range traits. My daughter is lower mid range too but she’s a somatic narc. All 3 have an intermittent facade. Sometimes there behaviors can be overt like the lesser and sometimes covert like the mid range. LMR can be aggressive too.
Mr. Tudor did an interview with Dr. Julia Friedman where he describes Luke Skywalker as a lower mid range narcissist. It might be worth listening too.
https://narcsite.com/2023/05/29/knowing-the-narcissist-interview-with-dr-julia-friedman/
Thanks Leigh. Oh, so you’ve really been surrounded by lower mid rangers then! Thank you. My bro might even be one of them. He’s sometimes aggressive but there is a facade to a degree…
Hi Jade,
Yeah, I tend to attract lower mid range narcs. Whateva! LOL!
MMRs for me Leigh. They’re all blooding annoying aren’t they? 🙄
I was wondering what I’ve said that might suggest I am one! 😀
I didn’t realise our American friends here, did not know what *that* word meant.
Matt Berry! There was a point I wondered if you were him, HG, when I heard you do your Toast of London, ‘Fuck that shit sky high!’ I remember in a club in 2019 I was trying to explain to the zoomer barman why I just did a Matt Berry ‘Toast’ impression when ordering a half of Toast. I got a blank look and sidled off.
If they do not understand Toast of London, they are not worth bothering with.
Hi, Mari–
“…didn’t realise our American friends here, did not know what *that* word meant.”
I do. I love slang from across the pond. Especially for swearing or unsavory/impolite topics. So many more ways to curse!
You gotta understand–there are lots of us American nerds who cut our teeth on PBS airings of The Prisoner, Fawlty Towers, Python, etc.
There must be at least one generation of American adults who believe Jesus and Julius Caesar were from London.
I love learning new ones. Minge. Slag. Sodding. Minge is a new favorite. I’m sort of a collector. English is fascinating and some of my research is related to our split.
Message for Allison, yes, I ought to have said *some* transatlantic pals didn’t know that word. Back in the day, I was most shocked when Spike from Buffy, said “Wanker”. That wasn’t a well known or used term as far as I knew.
Hey Leigh, one of my attempted comments was a reply to you! I think it was about Hulk. Thanks for the tip.
Mari,
How’s Biscuit Bloke doing? Is he still causing issues?
YES. not with me currently, other than the aftershock, including one bad dream per night and other bits and bobs I didn’t expect. Thanks for asking. He’s been harrassing others, including the lady who owns the nearby post office and her morning staff member. Followed a male neighbour to his allotment, hiding behind things, then followed him to his mother’s on Sunday and stood leering into his mother’s house. This male neighbour is someone he’s fixated on for a long time, as being evil and wrote a warning about him in the note he left in my bedroom. When one starts on somebody’s mother, it’s game over isn’t it? So I imagine this won’t go on much longer. Taken to leaving his front door open during the day this week. I saw police van today, then the unmistakable form of a besandled, long-skirted, henna haired social worker going through his gate. I reckon both were there to have a go at getting him sectioned. Don’t know the outcome. I think he ought to be remanded in custody, sent to prison, where whatever ‘mental health’ issues he has, can be dealt with from there.
Mari,
Hopefully its resolved soon. Its not ok that he’s terrorizing everyone in the neighborhood. Maybe this time they’ll do something about it.
Sending good wishes your way Mari. I like your description of the social worker btw 👌😁 hoping it gets resolved soon…
Mari,
Glad to hear Biscuit Bloke has moved on to various other targets… still disturbing, but at least you’re not the focus of his attention.
Hopefully the situation is resolved safely for everyone..
“The bronze period” video was so helpful HG – thank you. I think a golden period would have turned me off when dating but this makes so much sense…
https://youtu.be/huAeCxXaHnw?si=B8NtaJ-i7M0O9bC-
I watched two recent interviews with diagnosed psychopaths. What they made me realise is that pure psychopaths are less effective at presenting a facade and can’t truly come across as likeable when compared to someone like Tom Cruise🩵 (psychopath + NPD — a brilliant example of likability, next to Robin Williams❤️, who is impossible to compete with anyway: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QdM-vJrJtQ). So, NPD seems to be an advantage, which is peculiar.
The young psychopath in the first interview, I think, imitates you in some way. His story goes like this: he went to therapy and realised that he could now help others by enlightening them about manipulators. But the absence of a facade makes him less capable of hiding his coldness, arrogance, and selfishness — which makes it hard even to want to look further into him. While he appears rational, he reveals too much of his indifference; his eyes are dead, and his smile is sinister. Yet he can’t see it and believes he’s the master chameleon and a charmer. Grandiosity may prevent him from learning.
He’s aware of who he is, but not truly aware of his actual abilities. He can’t hide behind a mask because he can’t weave an effective one — because NPD is absent, would be my guess. So, there are differences between psychopaths — probably comparable to schools. And the formation of a school of a narcissist would, I suppose, have to do with genetics.
The second interview is peculiar to me because he says that he wants to experience the full emotional spectrum, though he does mention that he doesn’t want to experience the adverse consequences of it. Which is strange logic for someone who apparently experiences no fear. So, a full emotional spectrum appears to be a fearful thing then.
Hey dearest Jordy:
I watched all these series on psychopaths and I agree. It’s amazing they become such financial frauds, CEOs because the Lught is off. It’s no wonder they fill the prisons. That’s easy. Yes they have different brains but their environmental background can make them so much worse. Again a societal failure to watch our children really…
Dear Mr Tudor,
TOW’s latest publicist just walked out, that’s 10 publicists in the last 5 years. Is she trying to break a new world record ? Haha
What say you Mr Tudor?
I think there’ll be plates breaking in Monticitieo today with Andrew being stripped of his titles! Hehe.. 😈
Dear Jade,
I’m waiting with bated breath, couldn’t happen to nicer people hahahahaaha
Her eyelids must be going a hundred to the dozen whilst smashing her Earth
& Element Blue Peony plates 🤣
Andrew deserved it! Entitled lying grub.
Finally, the King has finally grown a pair, now he needs to keep the ball/s rolling.
Haha! I agree completely Bubbles. I’ve got a feeling it’s William who’s the one with the balls but regardless, it’s a long time overdue! Good thing for the RM now is the world knows what they’re like… 😄
💥💥💥
A Little Bit of Imagination.
A fanfic, if you will.
Please, don’t throw shoes at me. 😅
And no, I wasn’t under the influence of any psychoactive substances when I wrote this. 😅
Perhaps this “creation” will never see the light of day, because H.G. would hardly forgive me for such audacity. 🤦♀️
That’s what happens when you let your imagination run a little too wild.
I’m not trying to write a book right now; this is just a fragment — a “mythical” dialogue between H. G. Tudor and his IPPS.
I didn’t go into details — say, describing the exact interior of his home (although, obviously, it has to be luxurious, otherwise it wouldn’t be H.G.’s house).
So this dialogue is simply one of thousands of imagined versions of how it could have been. I don’t claim accuracy — it just appeared in my head for some reason.
I imagine a large house. The camera slowly glides through the rooms of this palace; we see H.G.’s study.
IPPS: She lingered in the doorway, her gaze sliding toward the clock.
Two in the morning. As usual, he wasn’t asleep — absorbed in his “creation,” his precious legacy. She liked watching him like that; she could do it for hours. Watching him work.
As he once wrote: “A Bad Man Doing A Good Job”
But she never thought he was bad.
Usually, he was moderating comments, replying to readers, answering countless emails. But tonight, he was working on his next book — Psychopath.
She’d be the first to read it, and that thought thrilled her.
IPPS: “Can I come in?” she knocked lightly on the door.
H.G.: “Always,” he smiled.
IPPS: “You know… sometimes I even get a little jealous of them.”
H.G.: “Are you serious? There’s at least one monitor between us. Cities. Countries. One of them, for instance, is from Russia.”
IPPS: “From Russia?” Her brow lifted slightly. “Interesting. Did she watch your series about Vladimir Putin? What does she think of it?”
H.G.: “No idea. But I like to believe she did. That kind of knowledge is priceless. It’s worth understanding who’s running the country where you plan to raise your children.”
IPPS: “Oh… so she wants children,” she said absently.
H.G.: “I don’t know. But I’d assume so. You empaths all want that, don’t you?”
IPPS: “Sometimes it drives me crazy how well you understand us — empaths.”
H.G.: “Is this a statement or a doubt?”
IPPS: “Oh, definitely a statement. Maybe that’s what drives me crazy — that you understand us so well.”
She fell silent. He didn’t break the pause — just looked at her.
After a pause, she added softly,
IPPS: “You know… I really love all your Tudorites.”
H.G.: “I know.”
IPPS: “It’s impossible not to. I’ve always admired your ability to gather so many remarkable people around you.”
H.G.: “My little army of empaths.”
IPPS: “Your kingdom.”
H.G.: “My legacy,” he murmured, closing his eyes blissfully. He knew she truly understood.
IPPS: “But you do know who your most loyal Tudorite is, don’t you?”
H.G.: “Of course,” he laughed. “At the very least, because you’re right here — physically with me.”
IPPS: “Only because of that?” she exclaimed, pretending to be offended, playfully hitting him on the shoulder.
He could taste her emotions — the fuel. So many years had passed, and yet he could still do it again and again. She always reacted.
P.S. And then Josephina returned to reality — closed the notes on her phone and went to greet the next patient waiting at the reception.
Walking down the hallway of the clinic, she thought about H.G. Tudor’s work — about that unique space he created for all empaths, each one different, each with their own extraordinary story.
Wounded, often lost empaths… each of whom had fought their own private battle.
And he had allowed them to warm themselves by his fire.
To learn.
To grow.
To get stronger, day by day.
Josephina felt she was part of something meaningful now — part of a story being written right here, right now.
Everything was taking on a new meaning.
The magic of H.G. Tudor dispersed the grayness of ordinary streets and added a touch of wonder to the predictable everyday — inspiring her for a new day.
LOVE it Josephina! I actually felt like it was the man himself talking lol. Look forward to volume 2 😉
Thank you so much Jade! 😅💘 🥰 I really appreciate it. 🤗
A lot of fun! ☺️
Hi HG,
I’m wondering if you’d put Michael Jackson under the tudorscope?
Also, do you ever get approached by lawyers of famous people you talk about?
Thanks 🙏
I have not done so.
No.
Thank you HG.
HI Jade,
Mr. Tudor hasn’t put Michael Jackson under the Tudorscope but he has confirmed that Michael Jackson is a greater narcissist. See links below.
https://narcsite.com/2019/03/07/the-narcissists-reality-gap-6/#comment-249974
https://narcsite.com/2019/03/07/the-narcissists-reality-gap-6/#comment-250047
Was. Happily he died years ago.
Thank you Leigh and for the links. I’ll read those now. And HG. I agree… I find it weird in the UK at least, it seems absolutely fine to play his songs on the radio etc still 🤔
I stand corrected, Mr. Tudor. MJ “was” a greater narcissist.
Hi HG,
I hope you’re doing well.
I’ve been learning more from your videos but wanted to check a few things…
1. Re psychopathy and “accumulation” in the necessary triad, is this a trait we see in this one’s wife re money? Or just her narcissism going into overload on residual benefits?
2. When an empath has addiction / limerence after a romantic relationship with a narc ends, is there some kind of symbiotic / mirror thing going on? The narcs presumably are now all fueled up but the empath is often in a dark / worst place, and they are now wanting something from the narcissist. Does that mirror the narcs usual state of jonesying for their fix of fuel? So the roles reverse until the empath sees clearly / goes ok contact? I hope that makes sense.
Re 2. Before having any romantic relationships I always had a fear of falling in to deeply / falling into a black hole. I didn’t know then that I was an acon but I think it’s related. My first boyfriend was “safe” but the second I think now, a narcissist and I did indeed experience what I feared before it happened.
1. It is a residual benefit.
2. No, it is the addiction.
Ok thanks you, that all makes sense HG. I Have also now watched your video on psychopathy and this one’s wife which helped too. She just seems “greedier” than a lot of narcs I’ve observed but did get the difference in that video.
I suspect it is because :-
1. There is a lot of coverage of TOW ; and
2. You pay attention to that coverage more than compared to other individuals.
Yes, good points HG. It seemed weird that she’d go from apparent “millionaire” before Harry to “nothings enough” multi millions later but yes, that’s narcissism in a nutshell though anyway I guess. 🤷♀️I’ll need to study other narcs more lol. She is quite boring really, but it is fascinating (but also sad) watching someone self implode so spectacularly …
Thank you for the recent interview with John Cooper, HG. It felt like a good rapport between you, a bit like you and Doug and I liked his questions.. we found out even more about you. Off to listen to the first one now…
Ugh! I’m only 30 minutes into the video and I already cried, lol! I must be feeling sensitive lately. It was when Mr. Tudor said he makes his prey feel important that really got to me. It got to me because I knew that would work on me. Double Ugh!
Oh Leigh! Sometimes I get like that too watching HG. He really gets to the heart of things.
Nothing wrong with wanting to feel special though, that’s a normal human need but the Ns twist it. We’re “normal” (ish lol 😆) in that our minds don’t work that way and just wouldn’t think someone else would do that.
But that being said, to be honest, I’m not sure how much that would work on you anymore.. you’re definitely earning your HG stripes here! You’d very likely go to the evidence! ✊
Hi Jade,
Awww! Thank you for saying I’d use logic. I think I would too but I still get a little nervous that I could be conned.
I’ve listened to the interview twice. I loved it! I love that we’re getting so many new books. Mr. Tudor spoils us!
I think a little nerves are normal Leigh.. we don’t know till we’re in a situation but you’re obviously applying this work all the time, catching ET etc so even if you were temporarily “conned” you’d wise up quickly I reckon. It’s not a failing on our part.. these Ns are damn good at what they do sometimes!
Great interview and yes, so much content Leigh.. thanks HG! I thought I’d spent the past five years educating myself on narcissism, which I did but it feels like that was base camp compared to the real work of climbing the mountain with HG. Every day I put more and more connections together.
I loved the part when Mr. Tudor laughed when John asked him what would happen if someone got the better of him. After John asked him, there was a slight pause. I thought, oh no. Then Mr. Tudor laughed and I laughed too. Mr. Tudor has a great laugh!
So good, Leigh. HG has excellent timing. I was watching one of his q and a’s on YT last week and there was a discussion about what kind of shoes he wears. At the end he mentioned that he’d seen in the comments that quite a few people had said they’d reckon he’d wear tube socks and sandals lol .. he paused and said “I will hunt you down” 👌😆 so funny.
Hi Leigh,
When HG paused and went silent, I was like, oh nooo, poor John Cooper going to be fed to gators or vaporized….and then HG laughed, and I laughed with relief for John..😄Yes, HG does have a great laugh too! 😄xx
Afternoon HG, 👋 have you seen mid ranger type A’s who often don’t say their guilt and obligation manipulations out loud? I think my mum groomed us so she hardly needed to say them out loud but definitely a type A. She gently nudges (or not do gently once you’ve seen 👀 but it’s all deniable.
Also I think as an extension of her, she always wanted me socialising with others particularly family and making her look good (as an empath) rather than stop me socialising like some narcs (she didn’t ) doesn’t care that I’m an introvert and this burns me out. She did express her disapproval at times though, e.g. when I had a younger boyfriend, that was not making her look good in her eyes so was definitely frowned upon.
I am on another forum for a hobby of mine, and there’s someone who’s been really helpful to me with it, for a while, no red flags, all good. However recently we were joking about a certain animal I found cute and he says something jokingly derogatory and when I said something him having a heart of stone, he joked about not having one and throwing it away. then another comment, something like, I’m an old man who pretends he can’t hear to get closer to people.. 👀
just wanted to get people’s thoughts. Probably over dosed on HG (not a bad thing) but feeling kinda weird. I’m very jokey but mmm… I’m carrying on as normal there but wanted to see what others thought.
Hi Jade,
I think your gut is already telling you what you should do. I would listen to your gut! He sounds like a creeper to me.
Hello Jade:
Get to know him. If you like him, take your time. Sometimes when we have had a Narc, get educated by HG, we are less trustful then before. It’s a good thing. I will share a funny story, I met a man in Denmark, a special education school teacher and former pro footballer,BUT I looked him up and his instagram to my non- English speaking language was “fuel pump” and it looked like a cock to me. So I called him a punk ass bitch hooker who lives in the former red light district of Coppenhagan. Note: former. He explained the term he used, I got it wrong and he, said in his hygge way “he understood my concerns” but left me many messages saying he was sincere.i felt like an idiot and apologized to him..,,. But…. Still looking for flags. I must have raised some myself!!!! But I do have a lover of sorts who lives in the Uk, I have known him 7 years, we meet during a legal separation. A total empath BUT he wants marriage, twice now,but I can’t as my home, career and children are here. Sometimes it’s not narcs. It is just LIFE.
Thanks Contagious and Leigh, I appreciate your comments. I really enjoy the forum and he in particular has been the most helpful so I’m noting it down in my little book, being cautious and keeping an eye on him! 🕵️♀️ I’m glad you worked through the stuff with the danish guy, Contagious! We can read too much for sure.
Ps I found out yesterday someone else who gives me a weird feeling is going to be working where I work again. A close empath friend really likes him and even said good vibes but I’ve always felt the opposite… Be interesting to see how it plays out! Learning I have to trust my own instincts too.
Jade,
I call it my spidey sense. Listen to the weird feeling. Its telling you something.
Leigh and Jade:
Yes ! Trust your instincts never words. Actions over time:)
Thanks so much Leigh, Rebecca and Contagious,
I’ve been thinking about this some more and noticing how I still gaslight and doubt myself in situations like this. I have good spidey senses but even now second guess myself (and also worry that I’ve got it wrong, unfairly to them, or I’m the problem, or will seem like I’m being dramatic etc). Its online so no risk, I will just step back if needed.
The possible coworker I mentioned is another one. i can get very anxious about the thought of even slightly discomfort or conflict with someone. I’ve had many sleepless nights over the worry of even bumping into someone I find tricky. As I mentioned my friend thinks he’s great but I get really strange vibes off him. I’m hoping he doesn’t come back but we’ll see and I know I need to trust the vibes.
I watched one of HGs contagion videos the other day which was so helpful and a reminder to trust myself. I sometimes find it hard to tell what’s mine and what’s other people’s but I’ll keep practicing.
Hi Jade,
Whenever I’m about to do something or not do something, I ask myself what are the consequences and is it worth it. So for instance, if you don’t talk to this co worker, what’s the consequences and do you care about the consequences. Then ask yourself, what happens if you do talk to this co worker. What are the consequences? He creeps you out. Is it worth it? If its not, then you have your answer. Risk vs reward. That’s how I determine many of my next steps.
Good advice, Leigh. Is it worth it? I need to keep practicing being a bit uncomfortable and not just being nice to people automatically when not warrarnted. I did it the other day with someone over a small thing and it was hard! I wanted to run back and make it ok. But absolutely necessary.
I’m hoping he won’t come back, the issue is I do a job similar to a counsellor and we have monthly group supervision and there’s a space in our group.. you see where my brains headed lol! 🫣 Grr. I’m using Claire weekes approach to anxiety (face, accept, float, let time pass) which is always helpful. A lot of this is in my head I’m aware and I know if he does come back, I can handle it really. I stopped talking to a narcissist who worked a few offices down after speaking to her once and her gaslighting me.. that was hard and I did it. Funnily enough she got a new job a short time later!!
Hi Jade,
I have the same concerns when I suspect soneone of being a narc, I doubt myself too and I seek HG’s guidance on how to deal with that person. I suggest another way of working out your worries, do an email consultation with HG, I find them very helpful with relieving my doubts and worries. Xx
I had a friend at work, who was acting odd at times. I talked to HG about her and decided to step back from her. I did the right thing, as she showed more narc behavior after my step back from her. I’m grateful I seeked HG’s help and I’m confident I made the right decision. Xx
Ps Leigh – I love your little bullets of #leighslogic .. always very helpful. 👌
Good old HG. I’m glad you had that help with your coworker Rebecca.. so useful and stepping back does seem like it’s often a good move. I’m glad your instincts proved right. No-one likes the feeling of someone stepping back a bit but I think empathetic people usually understand/ realise there might be other things going in someone’s life on vs narcs!
I’m not able to purchase anything atm but luckily hubby’s good too at talking things through, very logical and empathetic. However he’s not so interested in the narcissism stuff (I did talk about it A LOT when I first realised about my mum / “it all” 5 years ago to be fair! 😅). I appreciate being able to learn and chat here with people as fascinated by these dynamics as I am 🤓 I guess when you have “skin in the game” it’s more important too (tho he’s had his own share of Ns).
Hi Jade,
I’m glad I have HG to seek advice from and I’m glad I have all of you who understand the dynamics of narcs to talk with. My best friend only wants to hear about narcissism when she has questions about her boyfriend or someone else she’s having an issue with, but to be fair, I do talk about narcissism and psychopathy often, so I get it….I share HG’s videos with her and some other friends and family, when I think it relates to an issue they are having with a person in their life. My best friend appreciates the insight when it relates to her. Xx I try to be helpful, I hope, Jade that you continue to get the guidance and encouragement you need here. Xx
Thanks Rebecca. ☺️ I think a lot of people like delving in “as needed”. I’m glad you can help your best friend. I’ve always loved learning and like being able to join the hard-core HGers (not being rude!) with continuous learning here. 📚👌a HG a day, keeps the narcs away. 😁
#leighslogic – I love it!!!
If the coworker does end up getting the spot in your group, I’m sure you’ll be fine. Just the fact that you have awareness now will help you keep them at an arm’s
Hi Jade,
I love learning too and HG’s work and this blog is the best place for learning about narcissism and psychopathy! I’m looking forward to the new books coming! Xx
It’s so good, isn’t it Rebecca? I feel like there’s so much to learn 🤓 exciting!
Thanks Leigh. I will be ok, I get very anxious at times but that won’t kill me! I get this feeling if disapproval from him and that always throws me off, I think I need to cultivate my “don’t give a crap” vibe. I used to worry when younger there was something wrong with me as my friend likes him but knows that’s not logical thinking (thanks Amp Asp! 😉).
100% Jade,
HG keeps us thinking and learning and doesn’t disappoint us! Xx
Hi Jade,
Sometimes a little anxiety is a good thing. It could be a warning for danger ahead. Maybe that’s why this coworker makes you anxious.
Good reminder Leigh.. thanks so much! I get used to thinking it’s me getting over anxious but of course there could be useful information in there. 🙏❤️ Thought of coworker tonight as I might see him tomorrow at work and feeling very #fuckit at the moment which I’m pleased about ..
Hi Leigh and Rebecca, Further to your comment about anxiety, Leigh.. I think this is what happens (I wonder if you’re similar Rebecca after your catching vibes comment?).
I notice a micro facial expression and think someone doesn’t like me and subtly react to that and then it spirals a bit from there so I don’t know if they’re reacting to me or vice versa… I think with this coworker the feelings more than that but wondered if anyone else experiences that?
Or maybe I pick up on a tiny thing, and if they’re a narc, they know I know something about them (even if they’re unaware)? I noticed with my ex best friend who wasn’t a narc, that she never seemed to get entangled in the invisible power games of narcs as much as I did. That’s what made me think she’s a normal.. 🤔
Hi Jade,
I can’t say for certain but maybe your reaction to the micro expression has come from you being conditioned by your mother. Since you believe she’s a mid range narc, you’ve probably learned to react and adapt to her micro expressions. I’m just surmising here. But I know that many of things I do has been learned behavior from my parents. As ACONs, we were conditioned to act a certain way in order to not threaten the control of our narc parents. Now we just have to figure out how to change that conditioning.
I completely agree, Leigh.. I’ve thought that myself. I guess I now know what was “wrong” but growing up I think I adapted as I didn’t know any different. It’s hard to know what comes first, the chicken or the egg.. would I have been like that anyway? I think probably it’s a mix of nature and nurture but I’ve definitely been hyper vigilant.. I am getting better at that as I feel “safer” in myself though I think maybe it’s always going to be there a bit (and as you said earlier, sometimes these things tell us something).
Hi Jade,
I agree. Its definitely a mix of nature vs nurture.
I don’t have a lot of Contagion either so I might not pick up on the micro expressions as much as you do.
TS talks about shielding quite a bit. I asked her recently for some advice about my daughter because she’s got quite a bit of Contagion in her.
Here’s TS’s response.
https://narcsite.com/2015/09/29/questioning-me/comment-page-20/#comment-460448
Hi Jade and Leigh,
Yes, I notice small, quick expression changes and even tone of voice changes too. It’s part of the conditioning from being an ACON and I don’t know how to unlearn the hyper focus of subtle changes of people around me. I also think some people don’t like me and then later find out it wasn’t me who they were upset about, I was just picking up on their irritations and thought it was because I annoyed them somehow. I blame myself, spmething my mother installed in me. I definitely understand where you are coming from and also why I like to be try to remind myself to ask and not assume it’s me that made them annoyed. Xx
Thanks Leigh! I appreciate that. 🙏 I need to shield more.. I realised that particularly after seeing my mum a while back. I just haven’t really known how to do it so appreciate that link to TS’s comment.. lots of really useful pointers (thanks TS 👌). I was thinking today that every time I put my coat on to go out I’ll shield as a practice.🛡️
Ooooh! I like the idea of shielding as a practice every time you put your coat on. I’m going to suggest that to my daughter too. Thank you for that, Jade!
That describes my experiences too, Rebecca. I think being around less narcs helps too and verifying whether the people you’re interacting with are fundamentally healthy. The friend I mentioned who went on a date with a married man and his baby, used to be strange with me at times and I realise now gained fuel from my asking if she was ok which just fed this cycle.
Glad that helped Leigh. 🧥 I needed an easy way to remember.
I guess I’m wondering also TS, about how we react when the bubble / wall is in place.. I ended up giving my mum a piece of my mind last time I saw her (new for me) after she gaslit me the whole time but I’m thinking we might have different interactions anyway with this in place… ? I was glad I stuck up for myself, for me but it’s still a reaction.
HI Jade,
If you have a question for TS about shielding, it might be best to start a new thread and address her directly. I don’t know if she reads all the comments. But if you start a new thread addressed to TS, she’ll more likely see it.
Thanks Leigh, that makes sense 👌
Hi Jade,
I would make mental notes of his behavior and watch for more behaviors, if you notice more, step back a bit and watch his reaction to you stepping away. You can also consult with HG, if his behaviors are troubling you. Xx
I meant to say Rebecca, when he said that main comment, I just said “👀”and he went quiet for a while. He popped up a few days later and things just continued. I find it another red flag when someone says something like that but doesn’t clear it up too… There’s plenty of other people to interact with there too…
Hi Jade,
I suggest you step back from him and see how he reacts. Remember HG says that narcs hate to be ignored and it drives them into action to get the prime aims. Their reaction from the withdrawal of fuel from you will be another red flag. Watch for the behavior and stay safe. Xx
Solid advice Rebecca, thank you. I noticed recently that I usually try and carry on as normal with things like this (I think a learned behaviour so it seems like nothings changed / ill pretend I’m not suspicious) but I can see it can lead to more ensnarement and ET). I think I’ll try what you said. ✊
You’re welcome Jade, I’m happy to help you. Xx
❤️ Rebecca.
No need for an answer HG but just wanted to say, ep 14 of your series with Doug was very enlightening. I’d presumed only greatest were elites but this helped me understand. I presumed elites would be too clever to be a lesser but the person in question undoubtedly presents as both and I had another piece clock into place. Thank you. 🙏
Mr. Tudor,
I once said that I would want to comfort you. I don’t recall the exact context. I do recall your response being, “Comfort? Ghastly concept.”
You have said multiple times that you’re quite generous to people in your personal life. If a friend has a sudden health diagnosis and needs help with bills, you will help with money. I’m sure they’re grateful and find you generous. The motivation for your behaving with generosity and compassion likely means little in their time of need, if they would ever accept the truth being an assertion of control via financial largesse reflecting what you are, a narcissistic psychopath.
1. Assuming they call to express gratitude–as most people would–how do you feel when words are applied to you, like caring and helpful? You aren’t helping because emotional empathy, which is likely implicitly or explicitly communicated. Your actions are driven by the prime aims and necessary triad. I understand that they are providing positive fuel, exhibiting that they are under control, alleviating boredom, etc. Is there more than getting fuel and feeling powerful for you in these moments?
2. You’ve demonstrated that accuracy is very important to you…what does the inaccuracy of having emotional empathy, implicitly or explicitly, attributed to your actions make you feel/think beyond understanding their conclusion?
I know that when you do something another person finds cruel or vindictive, you are delighted because of your sadism. You have shared several stories that communicate that. Thwarting Suzanna after the dinner escape with Sophie. In another story, you had an IPPS who liked horror movies…there was an argument that ended in frustration. (no spoilers!) Your amusement with yourself seems very different within these different encounters.
3. What are actions that victims take that impact upon your sadistic pleasure as it is being experienced?
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated.
1. I understand why they use them because that is what it appears to them. I feel mild irritation as the descriptions are not accurate with regard to me.
2. Mild irritation.
3. Do you mean, what is it that victims do which feeds my sadistic pleasure?
Interesting questions and answers. With 1 and 2, although irritating, I guess it’s also a “win” for your facade management at the same time, HG ?🤔
Good day, H.G. Tudor.
May I ask you, please:
1. Can we expect a book about female narcissism in the future? I imagine there must be unique nuances to it. Personally, I find that women can sometimes be even more cunning.👀
2. You have an exceptional ability to identify empaths. Would you say that there are significantly more female empaths than male ones?
3. Have you ever encountered male Super Empaths — and if so, what are they like?
1. I have no plans to do so.
2. There are more but not significantly more.
3. I have. They are as described in my work about super empaths and forthcoming material in the Narcissist v Empath Series.
Mr. Tudor says, “They are as described in my work about super empaths and forthcoming material in the Narcissist v Empath Series.”
I’m so excited to read this, Mr. Tudor!!! I can’t wait for all these new books and series to come out. I’m really looking forward to them all.
Jolly good.
HG: I have bought every book and most of the Knowledge Vault. I am ready to purchase anything you put out!
HG approves.
I agree on females often being (or seeming) more cunning, Josephina. Most of my narcissist experience has been with women rather than men. It would be interesting to learn more about the nature of women’s narcissism and the link with the need to be “seen” as nurturing, kind etc and how they are often (but not always of course) more covert. I think often even if they are quite obvious, other people’s biases (thinking the woman wouldn’t mean that, being a woman etc) keep them hidden.
Ps we had a neighbour that has luckily moved out of our village now. She had *no* facade, screamed and shouted all day long, called her 8 year old son a *cult in front of other people and got arrested for punching a 6 foot tall man in the face. 🥴 She was a delight lol.
Hello Josephina,
Doug was Super Empath.
That’s a good point, Arya. I’ll have to read more on “super” empaths again. Doug “felt” empathic but obviously I knew he was too as he’d done the empath detector. It would be good to be able to discern more about empath make ups from observing them, like I’m learning to do with narcs. I have one empath friend that I can tell us high in saviour and carrier. It’s interesting. I think contagion might be easier as I think I’m quite a bit of that. Less sure on standard and super…
Hi HG,
We know that narcs have a fuel addiction they need to regularly satisfy. Does this relate to the empaths addiction at all? To narcs and otherwise. I know not all empaths are ACONs but I also wondered being an empath of a narcissist mum is there any correlation or handed down addiction traits?
Thanks as always 🙏
They are two different addictions.
Thank you HG. 👌
Hey Jade: watch the perfect neighbor on Netflix…..
I haven’t got netflix, thanks tho Contagious ❤️
Leigh just mentioned here the real life name of the perfect neighbour so I’ll read up more.. it sounds scary what I’ve seen so far! 😯
Hi H.G.,
I’m currently reading about the narcissist’s fuel matrix, and I have a question.
Could “the Upper Lesser Narcissist Type B” be the kind of narcissist who openly claims to be a psychopath and a narcissist — not out of genuine self-awareness like the Upper schools show, but as part of the game?
In other words, since this type has reasonably good cognitive abilities, could he believe that saying “I’m a psychopath” is an effective way to control the IPPS, inventing that story specifically for her, while not actually believing it himself?
He could state this but is more likely to actually believe it.
HG: since he is the bully, would it be likely he says it to scare the victim?
2. Why would he believe it if most narcissists see themselves as victims?
He says it to achieve one or more of the Prime Aims and that might be thought generating fear, admiration or envy.
Upper Lessers will operate as victims albeit they are less likely to regard themselves as victims.
It’s interesting learning more about unaware narcissists. I can see how they’d confuse themselves with having things like psychopathy / anxiety / hypersexuality (I listened to the latter on YT this morning). I’m beginning to think the awareness part is something that must be very weird to live without ..I’d rather be an aware narc or empath (which I think I am! 🤞😅) I just find it hard to imagine having so little control / awareness over myself…
This will be a weird question. 1. But why is Russell Brand not wearing a shirt in most of his recent Christian rants? 2. Is it because he thinks he looks good half naked or is it an an attempt to look more humble and Christ like? I just think it’s weird. My gut says he is spiraling. I have always felt his drug addiction was like his zealous Christianity… he is off balance… agree?
One final note: would a psychopath tell his victim matter of fact he was one?
2. They are aware of their psychopathy?
3. If not law enforcement and an IPPS, given their reckless nature, maybe a few glasses of whiskey would a psychopath reveal it if he felt safe?
Nowi know ex husband didn’t. I think he knew he was different but relished it as he saw his character linked to his wealth. And that was true, he made most of his money illegally. Plus he trusted nobody. No one. He was a poor child from a dysfunctional family in Brooklyn who hustled, made friends in high school and became trusted to keep his mouth shut and he did. Only his brother he spoke to daily always about money… who my ex was in business with… his brother might have known his brother was “off.” But then again, his brother was the same.
His brother dodged the Vietnam draft, went to Canada then Vegas, set up poker games. He left for Oregon bought a beach for 7 million with my ex and sold it for double….his brother bought a mansion, no furniture inside. Ate one meal a day. Even ate an apple core so as to not “waste” food”. Wore the same outfit for weeks when he visited. Terrible hygiene. Married a couple time … trashy women who would appreciate a burger out. Yet…. He would drive down in a beat up caddy with lots and lots and lots of of suitcases. Enough said. It’s just weird, criminals who hoard money, never spend it and die. I wonder what that’s about.
3. Any idea about why criminals would accumulate money but never spend it to the point they lived like paupers?
Dear Mr Tudor,
Kim Kardashians new faux fur (fake pubic hair) thong underwear doesn’t come in grey or white, a clear case of discrimination haha
These narcs certainly don’t beat around the bush do they ? Already sold out!
What say you Mr Tudor ?
Who remembers the oh-so-wrong weather forecaster, a certain Mr Fish that did not correctly inform anyone on ‘The Great Storm’ of 15th October 1987…… I’ll never forget, waking up the next morning to observe the large discarded kitchen appliance lying across the lawn !! The doors had been roped to keep them closed, what a waste of time that was! I told her to put it in the garage, but no.
There was a mistake in the question, I meant to enter the case that the IPPS, and not IPSS. 😅
Hi H.G., 🖐
I’m currently reading about the narcissist’s fuel matrix, and I have a question.
Could “The Upper Lesser Narcissist Type B” be the kind of narcissist who openly claims to be a psychopath and a narcissist — not out of genuine self-awareness like the Upper schools show, but as part of the game?
In other words, since this type has reasonably good cognitive abilities, could he believe that saying “I’m a psychopath” is an effective way to control the IPSS, inventing that story specifically for her, while not actually believing it himself?
Alright… Agent Neptune is getting ready to give you the third degree
Dear Mr Tudor,
I already feel sorry for Katie Price’s new puppy.
What say you Mr Tudor ?
Her puppies tend to shrink and grow repeatedly from what I understand.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Yes, animal welfare had no power over this scared little pup unfortunately.
Some people should be banned for life from having pets.
I think he talks about different kind of puppies.
Dear Arya0901,
ohhhhhhhhhh……. those puppies, I’m a bit slow sometimes hahahahahaha
Thanks Arya
Ps sorry for the essay ! 🥴
Dear Mr.Tudor,
I just wanted to share something, perhaps with the other readers if you see fit to publish this.
Regarding my recent, ‘Breaking Biscuits’ anecdote: in line with Contagious’ warnings on your stalking story, the situation with Biscuit Man escalated. He got into my house when I was walking, left kitchen light on and had been eating my sourdough bloomer. Left crumbs and knife. Candle burning on the dining table, weird music playing from a keyboard I have (some audio loop), took my kitchen clock off the wall and left it somewhere else, etc, etc.. Put my heating on, bathroom light on, all sorts of stuff.
I blew out the candle and went to my neighbour, who is an ex soldier. He went to my house, with a baton. Biscuit Bloke was in my kitchen, making toast. Fortunately, he’s been taken away by the polis. Only today (it happened today) were the polis warning him about ‘stalking’ and harassing someone else, unbeknownst to me.
He may’ve been trying to get into the psych hospital for respite, I dunno. He left a ridiculous note, trying to be scary, signing off with a bible reference for me to look up. (Psalm 27, Chap 1-6).
This must be a classic example of the bind some empaths can find themselves in. I should never have given him the time of day, given that I could clearly see he’s not right.
Apparently he was asking another lady for biscuits too.
Going to sleep in a crime scene…dusting pending. Good night (morning)
Crikey Mari! 😬 That escalated. I hope you’re ok? Thanks for sharing. A very good reminder. X
Hi Jade, thanks for your comment and concern. I’m OK thanks, but the old cortisol’s been having a knees-up. Nice to think he’s just nearby in his house, relaxing with my bananas, which also disappeared and no signs of being eaten. He’s an early-hours street lurker as well, I’ve found out.
I bet Mari! I’m glad you’ve got HG in your corner. Take care ❤️
I’m glad you got the police involved, Mari. I hope you’re ok. These narcs are nuts!
Thank you Leigh. He needs to be removed from society, I’m not sure what the difficulty is. Apparently it’s lawful for him to come into any home he likes, eat the food, write mad notes, move stuff around, rifle through all the drawers, etc. Just as long as it’s only once and he doesn’t commit GBH or steal anything.
Hi Mari,
I agree with WC. Please keep us up to date with what happens “biscuit bloke”. I hope you’re able to keep yourself safe.
How are you doing Mari?
He’s been released with no further action. Marvellous! Social services are being informed (again) so perhaps this time they will take action. I believe he is a very slippery mixture of criminally insane/paranoid schizophrenic parasite,; manipulative narcissist (lesser); sociopathic victim, who can be ‘normal’ when it suits, then wildly delusional and nasty when he senses he can get away with it. I am now thoroughly upping my ante on ‘Weaponisation’, via HG Tudor . Enough is enough. Also trait detector should be my next steps. I was going to do a consultation on my father first, but maybe I should put trait detector first.
Hi Mari,
Maybe ask Mr. Tudor what he thinks is best way to weaponize you against your neighbor.
I hope you can stay safe.
bloody good idea. thanks.
Bloody hell. Good plan of action, Mari! ✊ Take care, you’re getting the right advice.
Mari:
If you can consult with HG then do trait detector. But I am so happy for your brave and bold and smart efforts!
Mari:
I attended a murder trial 20 years ago. My best friend, a Beverly Hills attorney was murdered. At the trial, I sat next to a woman who looked familiar. I said “ Are you a friend of Jenni’s?” She said “ No, she came to support her father, a well known entertainment attorney who was helping her with a stalker. She was terrorized by this man who would show up in her home, leave her notes. It was Kirsten Vangsness from Criminal Minds played Penelope Garcia, the quirky analyst. In talking to her, she was a mess over it. They finally caught him John Bissonette and she got a restraining order which he would violate. She was a wreck over it and had to get professional therapy, move, etc…
At least she got police involved and the legal system.
Stalkers are no joke.
I get these weird online men. I block and report them.
Hello Contagious,
Thank you for this comment and account of stalking. Firstly, I’m so sorry you lost your best friend, particularly in that way. Secondly, I am not surprised KV was a mess.
Re: second comment, thanks for your encouragement Contagious. I did take note of your ‘grounding’ comments about stalking. We’re not out of the woods yet, as this man has been released from custody with no further action.
Mari: so so smart of you!!!
You have avoided being a statistic.
Well done!
Ps must admit if I said anything to help, it truly warms my heart and uplifts me!
Mari Rowan – oh no… Biscuit man that I was laughing about in your story? That sure took a turn for the worse. Stay safe. Hope you get to consult/talk to HG.
Hiya, Who Cares, yes the very same! This is some crazy shiz, for real. Apparently, I’m not allowed to talk about *insert action here* with *insert implement here* let alone actually do it, if he tries it again. I declared it with some vigour to the transport police who brought him back. I think it was my Hulk Adrenaline talking. Perhaps not my smartest move, because if someone else *inserts action here* with *implement here* I might be the prime suspect. I’m coming down, back to Bruce/David Banner mode, walking off on the dusty road of life, bag slung over my shoulder, on to the next village…. Notice how his troosers were never ripped after he hulked? Always pack a spare pair for the cliff fight backs! I wonder if Dr. Bruce/David Banner was, like, a super empath with the narcissistic trait of rage/anger?
Mari Rowan,
“I’m coming down, back to Bruce/David Banner mode, walking off on the dusty road of life, bag slung over my shoulder, on to the next village…. Notice how his troosers were never ripped after he hulked? Always pack a spare pair for the cliff fight backs! I wonder if Dr. Bruce/David Banner was, like, a super empath with the narcissistic trait of rage/anger?”
Lol, well I am not so sure about Bruce/David’s super empath credentials – but you did make me laugh…and take me back to my childhood. I used to watch the original Hulk (Banner) with my father.
Please let us know how things go re: Biscuit bloke – that would be so worrisome, having him right nearby, in your neighbourhood, all the time.
We know that nobody knows all sides of you, but who would you say knows you best?
Me.
Oh thank God, I was afraid you were writing all this about a total stranger!
Should have stuck with shoe sizes….
Never mind.
This blog seems like Hotel California “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”…
Haha! Arya! So true.
Heard that this morning about the Mayo Clinic, which I live near, from another local. At least this blog gives a good outcome, long term, for time spent here.
*so generous (not DJ generous! 🎧🤣)
Hi HG
I hope you’re having a good weekend.
I’ve been watching episode 6 of your series with Doug Kramer and you know me.. I have more questions! (But also lots more answers, thank you 🙏). It’s like another piece of the jigsaw comes together.
Also I’d recommend it to other commenters who haven’t listened and want to learn more about narcissistic individuals who are not narcissists. Here are the questions that arose..
1. How much did the good doctors contribute to your understanding of yourself and others and your categorizations of the groups that comprise humanity or was that all you?
2. You talked with Doug about your excellent facade. Would you ever consider letting us hear you without a facade as part of our learning? It would be scary I think! Obviously probably counterintuitive to your legacy, but interesting (I think .. gulp 👀) to hear a snippet of the real you!
3. Also I thought the other day it would be interesting to hear you, just without the added effects and tone of voice you’ve learnt to do, so more of the flat effect of the psychopathy. I guess other psychopaths mask this usually too…
4. What else can we do to get the word out there about your work? The other narcissist channels with bad information have way more traction which is nuts! And your DJ generous with your time here in the comments as well as in other facets of your work.
Thanks as always 😊
1. They played a small part.
2. Possibly.
4. Sharing the work in relevant places and doing so repeatedly, driving people to my work by referencing it in other places (especially those where incorrect information is being peddled). Also having a word with Facebook and YouTube who have become repeatedly frustrating with regard to the way their algorithms work.
Thank you for your time as always HG. I’ll get onto 3 too. ✊
Hi again HG,
Regarding your ‘Neglectful Lover’ piece, was this inspired by the account of someone in particular in that situation, be it an ex lover’s letter, or a client’s account or someone you know? I am curious as to whether you put yourself in others’ shoes and created a composite from experience and observation, or a particular person’s reflections, or both? Merci.
There will be times where I will not explain the source material. This is because this blog provides you with something you will not get anywhere else. Firstly, you will have the material which you a digest and consider with regard to the material itself. Secondly, you then have the consideration of my relationship as a narcissistic psychopath with the creation of the material. There are times where I want you to consider the second aspect without confirmation from me one way or another, so you do the thinking.
OK then, thank you for that. I was being nosy. 🙂
I like the teacher approach, HG.
Indeed.
I feel jokes about school rulers coming…😄xx
Uh oh.. HG and Rebecca! 🤭🤣
Hi HG
I hope you’re well.
Is what sine people call limerence, what you call emotional thinking and addiction to the narcissist?
As you can see from my comments, lots more dominos are falling / mind blown moments for me today!
I didn’t get love bombed a lot in these past romantic relationships.. I was easy prey I see now. That made me think they weren’t narcissists. Doh. 🤦♀️
Thank God for my OH now.
My mind is seriously blown.
Thank you again. Coming up to 50 and getting some closure on things from my past is good and you’re turbo boosting it! I obviously never got closure in these relationships..
🙏
Limerence consists of infatuation, idealisation, a desire for reciprocal feelings and uncertainty about the position of the subject of the infatuation.
This is not the addiction to the narcissist but the behaviours may have similarities.
You can experience ET which fits with the above concept but they are not the same. In a sense, limerence might be a form of ET, but it is not the totality of ET.
You can experience emotional thinking but not be infatuated. You can experience ET and not idealise. You can experience ET and not want any interest from the other person. You can experience ET and not be uncertain about the position of the other person.
Thanks HG. As I read what you wrote it’s slotting into place.. I have ET with my family but not infatuation for exsmple. Limerence seems trickier but I’ll keep learning about this topic.. I’ve definitely experienced limerence.
Thank you for explaining how limerence relates to emotional thinking. That makes sense to me.
Thank you for everything, sir. Much appreciated.
Mr. Tudor–
Do narcissists experience any form of limerence? It seems like they would have the infatuation and idealization part down…but do narcissists ever feel uncertain about the feelings of the person they are infatuated with? Or do they just take action to get control over the person for whom they feel infatuation?
“She’ll let you do anything…” — This One about This One’s Wife (MMRA).
When Alec (ULB) met Hilary. He rapidly became infatuated and idealized her…going directly to her and saying something like…”You’re going to marry me someday.” There’s no uncertainty about his ability to get control over her.
I can’t think of an example of a greater narcissist behaving like that that you’ve mentioned that we know about because it leaked.
You, the Ultra, have Alastair dig up information for you or you may do it yourself before approaching a target (regardless of their destined position in your fuel matrix). I would guess this to be true in the majority of circumstances. Not that you don’t like to challenge yourself on some occasions by going in “blind.”
Thank you so much for your time! Much appreciated!
I reference infatuation rather than limerence, although limerence is a form of infatuation.
A narcissist may be uncertain about the way that another person feels although more usually there will be an over confident assumption about the way that person feels.
Thank you so much for answering, sir. Much appreciated.
Hi Jade,
Emotional thinking is the rose colored glasses or lack of clarity. Its the excuses we make for them. Its not seeing their behaviors as problematic. Its not looking at it with logic. When they’re words don’t match their actions and we believe their words instead of their actions, that’s emotional thinking.
With my mother, I blamed her neglect on mental illness so I gave her a pass. Thats emotional thinking. With my father, I called his abuse, discipline. It wasn’t discipline it was abuse.
Paula in Someone’s Calling is a perfect example of emotional thinking taking hold. She’s being harassed and instead of calling the police, she’s engaging.
Last sentence – correct.
Thanks very much Leigh. That makes sense. I’ll read ‘someone’s calling’ next. Also, what’s your take on limerence vs addiction to a narcissist? Trying to untangle my head re romantic narcs. 🤔
Hi Jade,
I forgot to respond to your other comment about closure. I LOVE the closure that Mr. Tudor and learning about narcissism has given me. That’s one of the best things about learning about narcissism. I don’t question why anymore.
Ok, limerance. I’ve only experienced it once and not with my husband. Before I go further, I want to explain my situation. I met my husband when I was a teenager. We’ve been together for decades. He triggered my addiction to narcs but I didn’t experience limerance with him.
The person I experienced it with is someone I refer to as workplace narc. It was a whirlwind. He chased me for years and I eventually caved. It lasted 18 months. One day he just stopped. He even stopped talking to me. That’s what brought me here. He came back around 11 days later but it was too late. I had already found Mr. Tudor.
So there was limerance but Mr. Tudor gave me logic.
Wow Leigh! He sounds like a real cult! ™ 🤣 I can’t believe he just stopped talking to you but how amazing to have found HG at exactly the right time. ✊
I know you’ll get it but I feel a bit crazy that it’s taken nearly 30 years to get closure on a romantic relationship especially as I’m happily married now but I literally experienced it at the weekend. I watched that video and I felt a gate come down. I was done. I was messed up for so long and even till last week if I thought about him just felt like I wasn’t good enough… It hadn’t crossed my mind he was a narc but I could never understand why we split up when I said I loved him and why he haunted me for years. He never hoovered me though .. i hoovered myself. But as soon as I watched the video and felt it, it explained *everything*. And why I didn’t go near another man for two years but then experienced another limerence/addiction with another narc. I can see the ET remained strong for those two over all the years.
Good old HG has nailed it though. I feel like I’ve got the closure I never thought I would. 🙏
Thanks for explaining your trajectory with your husband and workplace narc. I guess our addiction to narcs can also start with our parents? My first boyfriend was the nicest guy. Its weird how this all goes…
Hello Jade,
If I may insert myself to discussion, in my view, limerence has a time limit, it’s more like a crush on someone. It lasts max 3 years, in my experience. Addiction to narcissist is deeper and it’s permanent. It is always inside us, this pull.
Appreciate your input Arya. So I think I kept up contact (embarrassing) for over 8 years once we split. He did one contact early on from what I remember but I’d gone abroad by then. I wished I’d left it there… I just couldn’t get how it could seem to good for both of us to be thrown away. I thought he was the love of my life. Though now I see he was always half out the door and I created some fantasy version too. The length of time feels less like limerence and more addiction from what I’m piecing together. He was always “nice” afterwards but if he was a narc, I get it would have been fuel. Ugh.
You are welcome, Jade 😊
Nothing is embarrassing, in a sense I envy you.
If you do a narc detector on him, this man “the love of your life”, what outcome do you prefer? That he turns out to be a narcissist or not? What result would make you feel better?
Thanks Arya. I really appreciate that.😊
I always wondered why it took me a long time to get over things in comparison to others. I felt a bit crazy holding on for so long particularly with this guy. I felt like I had attachment issues, limerence, etc .. which is true also but whatever he is, he did play mind games whether intentionally or not. The crazy thing is I’m now married to the love of my life and he’s the real deal. They’re quite similar on the surface (actually my husband is better looking 🤣) but he really was crumbs compared to my husband. Ugh. I’m glad I’m not in my twenties anymore.
I’d definitely want him to be a narcissist. It was horrible to even think it was a possibility a few days ago but like when I realised about my mum, I also felt free straightaway. Suddenly everything made sense. Even if he wasn’t a narcissist, I really could have done with HGs advice and a no contact regime then as it was a painful decade thanks to a few months with him.
Thanks for your help x
Hi Jade,
Finding Mr. Tudor wasn’t happenstance. Workplace narc would give me silent treatments all the time. This time was different though. I was due to have surgery and he fell off the face of the earth 5 days before the surgery.
On day two of the silent treatment, I googled why do I keep getting silent treatments. That’s how I found Mr. Tudor. While was recovering from the surgery, I just kept reading on narcsite.com. So once he tried to come back into the picture, I was done.
I totally get how gratifying it is to finally have closure. Its a relief and the burden is gone. I’m glad you were able to put it to rest.
Its wonderful that Mr. Tudor gives us validation and it all starts to makes sense.
Hi Leigh,
I just love how HG fucks up “our” narcs plans ..hehe! So good. The silent treatment .. ugh. Before surgery .. ugh. Grow up! 🙄
Was it hard to stay away from him or did the “gate” come down once you learnt? Did that then set you onto realising about others narcs in your life?
I had a “friend” that loved doing them and my mum is partial too though I call them the “silent treats” now with her. 🤭
Thanks for “getting it” Leigh. I really appreciate being able to talk it through without feeling like I’m a bit mad! I did feel like something that’s plagued me most of my life got laid to rest this weekend and I wasn’t even looking for it. Thanks again and to HG of course 🙏
Hi Jade,
I couldn’t totally avoid workplace narc or fuckface as I affectionately call him, because we worked together. But once I figured him out, the dynamic changed. I think because my father left when I was 14, if someone else leaves me, I draw a line and that’s that. Fuckface tried to get back in my good graces for years. Its been over since 2019 and he still hoovers me. He hoovered me earlier this year. He’s no longer with the company and moved to another state and he still tries every once in awhile. It was incredibly difficult for me to get over him though. I had never experienced anything like it before. But I also knew I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t keep hurting myself.
My husband doesn’t do silent treatments and neither did my mom so I wasn’t used to them. That’s why I went looking for answers. Once here, I did start to realize about all the other narcs in my life. Early on I thought I must be the narc because how could everyone around me be the problem. Maybe I was the problem. Even after I did the empath detector, I still questioned it. I thought I tricked the detector.
I know what you mean about talking to other empaths that get it. Early on when I first started learning, if I shared to much with someone who didn’t get it, they’d look at me like I was nuts!
You dealt with fuckface sooooo well, Leigh! It’s good you weren’t used to silent treatments. I’ve always thought it’s such a weird thing to do to a person. But yeh, really good job drawing a line and resisting all the hoovers. I can imagine it wasn’t easy but sometimes you just get to a point of “enough”!
I often wondered if I was the problem too. I had three friends from school, my best friend and two narcs I know now. One of them was the one that luuurved silent treatments. 😤 That all blew up in my late twenties when I started to have the audacity to not run around after the narcs anymore. My bf sided with them (“that’s just how they are” blah blah). It was very painful but I cut contact and have gradually uncovered more and more (I only learnt about narcissism five years ago in my mid forties with my mum and started piecing it all together.)
But I have learnt so much for which I am grateful, and as we’ve talked about also, an ability to spot the goodies as well as the baddies now! Haha 🥷
Narcissism is such a weird thing isn’t it? Like a silent but deadly fart that only some people can smell! 😝 Sorry for the gross analogy but it seems fitting!!! 💨 Lol
LOL, Jade! Your comment about silent but deadly fart analogy was hysterical!
Do you think your former best friend could be a narc or maybe an empath under the control of the other friends? Either way, it probably wouldn’t have been good for you to stay in that circle. My ex best friend is a narc too. LOL! This is what I mean about having them all around me. I would classify myself as one of her top lieutenants. I made excuses for her poor behavior all the time. My point is if your best friend was an empath under the control of a narc, that could be why she sided with them instead of you. I could see me doing the same.
Haha ! Glad you liked it Leigh.. I did debate whether it was “too soon” for my humour here and then decided .. nah! 😜💨
I always thought she was a codependent empath or normal but I’m leaning towards normal now after reading one of HGs articles the other day. I did feel sympathy for her as I’m conflict adverse also and it was awkward.. I get it.. but I had known her decades, never acted like them and it didn’t really count when it came to it. I don’t think she was a narcissist but I think she liked that she was the glue that held us all together and the power she had in the group, though I wonder how she’s fared with those two a-holes, now the scapegoat has gone. You’re honesty is refreshing re if you’d have acted like that. I wonder if I could have done it too. We never know, do we but healthy to be in touch with our dark side and check in with ourselves 😈.
I’m sorry about your ex bf too. God, they get everywhere don’t they?! I think us empaths want to see your best in everyone and that makes us very attractive to the narcs as it can take a lot to challenge their bad behaviour. I like that in becoming the kind of empath that does deal with stuff now but I have compassion.. we’ve been in the dark ourselves about all this, haven’t we? 🥴
Hi Jade,
Narcs really are everywhere!
Let me tell what just happened with my ex best friend. I’m not no contact but I don’t talk to her or see her a lot. Its been over a month since we last talked.
She texted me that her sister is in the hospital and needs surgery. Its very serious surgery too. If she doesn’t have this surgery she can die. Within a second of my response, she calls me. I picked it up only because I wanted to know about her sister. (By the way, that’s emotional thinking, but I don’t care, which is also emotional thinking.) Logic means I shouldn’t have picked up the phone at all.
Here’s why I shouldn’t have picked up the phone. I pick it up and the crocodile tears start. She’s hysterical. I thought her sister died. She says no. She’s just upset that this is happening. Within a couple of seconds the crying stops and she explains what’s going on. After a couple of minutes she tells me she thinks her sister would be better off if she died. Five minutes earlier she was hysterical, now she thinks her sister is better off dead? Its all to get a reaction from me.
What’s happening is true but her sister’s ailment must’ve threatened her control so she reached out to me. I haven’t heard from her since.
Thankfully her other sister has been posting updates on Facebook because I still do want to know what’s going on.
Thanks for sharing about your ex bf and her sister, Leigh! I notice with you that you often seem clear why you do things (picking up the phone) which is good .. yeh technically NC is the way but sometimes we can make an informed choice, don’t we? Mr Tudors work helps with that.
Oh the crocodile tears. 🧐 It’s amazing how they really never change, isn’t it? She really went from 0 to 100 and back didn’t she! I bet you had whiplash. And it’s better if her sister died!? 🤨
Well done on dealing with it though. Hopefully her sister will be ok. 🤞
Do you know what type of N she is? She sounds similar to my mum.. who cries A LOT and I think is a MMR a. I gradually noticed, she always is crying for herself even when it’s about someone else. Do you notice that here? Ps my mum was crying, (understandably) one day when my dad was dying. However when one of my siblings asked if she was ok, she said no, she really needed to go on holiday! 🤦♀️
I’m glad you can get Facebook updates rather than deal with your ex bf. Does she know that you’re not close anymore ?
Hi Jade,
I haven’t done a narc detector on my ex bestie. I didn’t feel like wasting my money on her. Her behavior was enough for me to realize I wanted to diminish her role in my life. I believe she’s an MMR B because she’s a cry baby.
“Does she know that you’re not close anymore?” – I doubt it. She’s too wrapped up in her own life to notice.
I like to state the manipulations and my reactions to the manipulations because it helps me see things clearly. It also helps me recognize where I still need improvement. For instance, I should actually have her blocked, then I wouldn’t have seen the call at all.
I can understand that Leigh. Sometimes there’s no doubt they’re an N and it’s just about giving them a wide birth.
Its funny how self absorbed some people can be that they wouldn’t really notice. It makes you see them clearer, doesn’t it?
I like the way you do that. I have started to catch myself too, I realised i was engaging in ET the other day about something and caught myself. The addition of logic to my thinking process is another bonus of HGs work.
Hi Leigh,
I hope you’re well. I am continuing my HG education and have just listened to “the narcissist warned you” video, and I think you’re likely seeing it better than I am about the guy from my 20s.
He had a peculiar way about him (I think he didn’t need to lovebomb as it was all very quick) but I think he was warning me with the strange things he said, after watching that video too. There were a lot of red flags that I’d run a mile from now. Lust and not knowing about narcissists can be a bad combo. I seem to have had a lot of mid range types around me I’m realising… I wondered if I was more susceptible to limerence etc and he was a normal with issues but I think all the things you’ve said have helped make sense of it. I thought he’d have got fed up being in contact afterwards but.. fuel 🙄
Hi Leigh
I hope you’re well.
I hope you don’t mind me chewing the cud with you again on the historical “romance”.. I’ve been learning more! I’ve just listened to HG with John cooper ep 1 (excellent ) and from it I got this..
I think if my ex was a narcissist, and was trying to keep it casual (with his negging connects, commented about wishing he could have unattached sex etc) me saying I loved him would be a threat to his control. I hadn’t thought of it like that before 🤔 I get the impression looking back, he was always saying that he couldn’t “attach”.
could that be the case HG, that someone telling you they love you is a threat to your control as an narcissist?
Yes, where you are painted black.
Hi Jade,
Its our nature to second guess ourselves. That’s probably what was happening with your ex from your 20s. When I start to second guess myself or overthink, I ask myself if I’m going to the evidence. That often helps me refocus.
Another thing I’ve noticed is that when you’re looking at a situation from the outside in, you see it differently. So because your situation doesn’t affect me emotionally, I can look at it logically. When its our own situation, our emotions get involved and obscures things.
I think you’re doing a great job. You recognized something wasn’t right with him so that’s a definite plus.
Hi Leigh,
You’re right about second guessing ourselves. Your reminders re evidence and when we’re in a situation vs outside is good.
Thank you Leigh! I appreciate that and our “chats”. I’ve been learning more whilst HG has been quieter here and also come across “the bronze period” rather than golden on YT which was useful too. Someone said in the comments that they’d only got the tin can period! 😆🫤 It all adda nuance to my learning which is helpful.
LOL Jade! “Tin Can Period” I bet a lot of people could relate to that!
Thanks HG. It didn’t feel like that but appreciate the information, that would make sense.
Hi Jade,
You also have to remember that different narcs like different empaths and will look for certain traits in empaths. I tend to attract lower mid range narcs. I also have a loud mouth and sharp tongue so I can threaten the control of certain narcs with my mouth. If you can, Sitting Target is a good book to read. You can get it on Amazon. Its very possible that you didn’t have the traits your ex needed or wanted.
Listen to the empath videos too. They’ll be very helpful also.
It’s a good one, Leigh! #tincan
Thanks so much Leigh! I think the challenge might have gone for him with me.. he knew I liked him. Whereas I was thinking the relationship was progressing hence what I said, saying “I love you” was the end in his eyes. One thing against him being a narc was he was bit of a loner and didn’t feel ASPD at all. unless I was wildly mistaken don’t feel like he was cheating or had anyone lined up. I’ll check those out. I think you’re right about the traits. I seem to mostly always attract the shrivel balled mid rangers! 🥴 Not that any are easier than another really. I like that you have a sharp tounge and threaten Ns control.. go Leigh! ✊
Sorry Leigh, I meant to say I seem to attract the MMRs.
A Victor, apologies I can’t find another comment where I asked recently if your mother is a MMR a? I am pretty sure that’s my mum and you said they sounded very similar when I first joined I think…
Ps Leigh you seem to have an amazing memory/ ability to track down articles and comments from years ago for us. 👏 Thanks very much 😊
Hi Jade,
I don’t really remember exact comments or where they’re located. There used to be a blogger named “The Letter after J”. She told me how to look up comments. I knew that Mr. Tudor had said that MJ was a Greater narc so I just went to Google and searched this:
narcsite: Michael Jackson Greater
Then I open the articles and do a search within the article.
Here’s AV’s response to your question about her mom.
https://narcsite.com/2021/09/09/hg-mauls-the-middle-mid-range-type-a-4/#comment-465116
Hi Jade,
“A Victor, apologies I can’t find another comment where I asked recently if your mother is a MMR a? I am pretty sure that’s my mum and you said they sounded very similar when I first joined I think…”
I replied to the other comment but just came across this, in case you haven’t found the other one. My mom is a LMR Victim narc. She has elements of the Angel with a Dirty Face, she sulks, but where she would likely be different from your mom is that she has the Lesser brute aggressiveness that can come out. She’s mainly a mid range but with the lesser added. She doesn’t show the lesser side as much now, but it’s still there if her narcissism feels it’s the best option for a situation. My ex is a MMRA, he would likely be more like your mother. But being mid range, our mom’s have similarities too.
Ahh💡really helpful re looking up comments Leigh, thank you.. I’ll do that in future. I don’t want to keep asking and I still appreciate the time you took to find that though.. 🤓
Thanks for answering again AV 😀 the brutishness comment was helpful .. I hadn’t thought of it like that before. Yes my mum does it more subtly for sure.
Ps pretty sure one of my brother’s is some kind of lesser.. you’re brutish comment made me think of him 😂 that’s him in a nutshell (even though our mum tries to convince us he’s “sensitive” recently for some reason. Only where it is about him!
The only thing I don’t understand is when I was acting a bit cooler at the beginning of the relationship (I’m not cool lol but picked up on his lack of commitment and acted accordingly) he asked where he stood. Silly me, then showed all my cards and he always kept me dangling after that . I wondered why he would ask a vulnerable question but I see now that the tables were then turned… We split up when I told him I loved him. I always thought a narcissist would have kept me around after that but I can see it depends… He seemed upset but couldn’t say it back.
AHH! Man .. this shit is brutal!! but necessary to open my eyes 👀 I’ve kicked all but the mothership narc out of my life now but I feel for younger me.. they were flipping everywhere! 🥺 Family, friends, bosses, colleagues AND partners. I understand more about the empath attracting them now too.
Thanks HG. I’d rather know.
Hi Jade,
I’d rather know too. Even if its hard! Knowing is so much better than not knowing.
Yep Leigh. I like this saying…
“I’d rather an ugly truth, than a pretty lie”.
And also
“The truth will set you free, but it will piss you off first”.
Yes, Jade. HG’s work has made me realize that my whole life I’ve been surrounded by narcissists. In almost all areas of my life. I think I’m the only empath in my family and I have strong narcissistic traits because of it, I believe. Narc fleas too. And what is a boundary? Heh. I don’t even know if I really know what it feels like to be genuinely loved. And do I even know how to love or was it more people pleasing and hyper vigilance and parentification? I know I feel for people very deeply, though. I have trouble sometimes differentiating between my own emotions and others emotions that I’m absorbing. I’ve gotten better at setting boundaries with people now. Glad to be waking up. Thanks, HG. 🖤
Wow, Violetfire.. thanks for sharing. I could have written so much of what you wrote. I have a wonderful (normal or empath) husband and just living with him has taught me a lot about real love and ya know, just being around a normal person! 🥴 I think that’s been so healing in itself. But yeh, me too re fleas, boundaries, people pleasing, parentification. A lot of work to do on myself. I’m glad you’re on the right path too. It makes a big difference. ❤️
Hello Jade,
” He seemed upset but couldn’t say it back”, tbh, this is not what a narcissist would do in my experience. And overall what you have described, he doesn’t seem like a narc. You split after you told him you loved him. Narcissist wouldn’t split after that. He appears to be normal, actually.
Have you been to a situation when someone tells you that he loves you, but you cannot reciprocate? What did you feel? You probably feel burden and guilt, and even if you like this person, you would break up, because he would try to “conquer” your heart, which becomes irritating over time. He probably valued you as a friend or a lover, but he didn’t want anything more. He didn’t want to lose you, but once he realized you love him, he started to distance himself, cause it was too much. It means he has empathy. He didn’t lie or future fake.
I don’t know the whole story, and might miss something, but that is my impression based on what you wrote.
Thanks for taking the time with this and your honesty, Arya. I appreciate it. I do agree too… That’s why it’s always perplexed me. Though HGs video was exactly the experience of not defining the relationship that I had but I’ve never had love bombing or the isolating in relationships Including with this guy… I’ve always been on the lookout for that stuff without knowing why, probably because of my Nmum I think now. Till my husband the ex’s were on the avoidant side but that could also be an age thing too. But I can see he could be a normal with intimacy issues.
I think I was just always off balance once I showed my hand and he was definitely in control but subtly. It was very passionate and we had a lot in common but he’d say things like “I wish I was gay so I could just have sex with people without the emotion”, (wtf?!) and I could see he was always trying to be more casual than me and I ignored the red flags. Also where I had other people interested in me, I’d reassure him where he seemed to like telling me stuff like that the other way around.
I was actually thinking about it this morning, I think we both knew deep down that I was more in than him. If i was him, I’d have finished it earlier (I’ve done that with other people) but I do get we were probably both young and foolish from both sides too! I dived in too and can see thought crumbs were a whole loaf. Grr. I learnt a lot about what not to do (actually the next relationship was even worst but ya know, after that one lol!). 🤦♀️
It does make me laugh how much I thought he was the one now! 🙄 I think I was very primed for addiction/limerence and if he’s not a narc, the similar hot and cold reinforcement did a job on me combined with the bonding that came from the intensity. Either way, something snapped watching HGs video all these years later thanks goodness. 🙏
I know I had too much ET, confused lust with love etc but even without being a narc, he did the same kind of stuff (with a different intention) so I can see why it was so hard with my background. I know I shouldn’t but felt embarrassed for caring 30 years later. It’s funny, I think I knew he cared but it was more sex for him in a nutshell but sometimes it takes the cold hard logic of HG to cut through the cognitive dissonance. Thank you Arya for listening and your input, and HG for the (good) face punch! 😀 You kind of realise that even if they’re not a narc, we deserve better. ✊
Hello Jade,
I reread my comment, seems a bit harsh and direct, I’m sorry about that. My own inner issues probably triggered by your story.
Thank you for replying. So you said it was 30 years ago, it means you were teens or in early 20s. My feeling, that he was just too young for any serious relationship. And the reason why he didn’t break up with you, cause the sex was good. Maybe you need a closure on him? A narc detector would give you all the answers you are looking for. Even when you start to write answers on a questionnaire, you will get a feeling who was he, plus it let you spill your story and move on.❤️
Regarding your other comment, ofc, HG work is mind blowing as I mentioned it somewhere on the blog already. It has changed my life and helped me understand my past life and myself. I recall it was last November, when I had listened to his video: “overwhelming angel” on his new channel and it just hit me hard. I think I was silent for several minutes just processing what I heard and looking at the fire in our fireplace. I’ve realized – that my husband is probably a Narcissist (later confirmed) and that I’m not insane as he keeps telling me (I, actually, believed him), but I had been manipulated all those years. I would never ever thought he is a narcissist without finding HG work. I was blaming myself for everything and thought that he is a very good man, husband, father. That something is wrong with me. It probably is still a bit :))) but not that it requires medical or mental treatment. In January, I filed for divorce, packed my boxes and moved out. I paid a high price for a divorce though. So I totally understand what you feel right now. Like a puzzle is coming together and eyes are opening after a long dream, in my case a nightmare. I advise to read his books too. Not a light read, but they are jawdropping.✨️
That’s ok Arya, i appreciated your honesty and know we’ve all got stuff going on and I needed an honest appraisal. I think we were too young, you’re right. He was my second relationship, the first was a lovely guy but no passion and then this one which was the opposite, maybe too much passion!
Yeh sometimes HGs work just makes you stop in your tracks, doesn’t it? I’m sorry you’ve gone through so much gaslighting and manipulation with your husband. HGs work does reach into every angle of things but glad you realised for your sake. (I think we’ve all got something a bit wrong with us just being human! 😉 Look at me, looking for closure from 30 years ago despite being happily married lol!).
Very well done on leaving though and sending good wishes as you navigate the next stage. I think your kind comparing our situations as mine was a long time ago and a quick romance really (my truth seeker trait trying to get closure which I have now 🙏). You’ve done the right thing tho I’m sure you know that. And yes I’ll keep learning from Mr T. I feel like lots of pieces of the puzzle are slotting into place…
Hi Arya & Jade,
A narcissist’s goal is the prime aims, control and fuel being the most important. If a narcissist can get control and fuel with minimal effort, he will. In this case, he asked Jade where he stood and Jade told him, which meant Jade was under control so he didn’t need to work harder. Not all narcs are full steam ahead. Plus narcs thrive on the push and pull. To me, that’s exactly what it looked like he was doing.
Ooh 🥴 thanks Leigh! That part did hit me the other day when I watched the vid. 🤔 I did wonder if a narc would spilt up when I said I loved him though…
Mm. I think he seemed to feel bad for how it panned out but at the same time think there were quite a few “negging” type comments in hindsight .. he called another time I remember now, after we split, I was wondering if he’d had a change of heart which I think he picked up on, but then said he called because “he was bored” 🤬 I think I did reply that boring people are bored tho lol 🤭
Interesting… 🤔 I think the reason the “gate” came down watching HGs video regardless of what he was, was I saw properly how fucked up it was and also me thinking it was love! 😒 I think regardless, my self esteem wasn’t good and that’s my job to sort.
Hello Leigh,
I understand your point, but Jade said he broke up with her after she told him he loved him. That’s not what a narc typically would do. Why to get someone under control and “throw away” after all hard work? This doesn’t make sense from a narc perspective, but from non- narc does.
Plus from a message below, Jade said he called and said “he was bored” it was an honest answer. Narc would say smth like: ” I miss you so much, I made a mistake, I’m sorry. I have always loved you” blah blah blah.
But still Im sure it was heartbreaking for Jade, but to me this guy is too honest for a narc. I know It’s hard and cruel to hear for anyone who loved unrequited, but he was just not into her. She was a safe option.
I think I’ve confused everyone as well as myself. Maybe he was just a knob lol 😆
He was ok, but I think I had rose tinted glasses, big time! Bloody limerence… 🙄
Hi again both, I think just to add, once I told him I liked him, whether he was a narc or not, he knew he “had me ” and especially when I said love, so I think the bored comment was more of the same push and pull.. childish rather than honest. I think there were times he felt bad about it but I think he enjoyed the power.
Jade & Arya
I’m not confused, lol! Its not always full throttle with narcs. Sometimes they get what they need and then ghost you. Sometimes your fuel isn’t what they expected or it goes stale. How long were you together, Jade? If I had to take an educated guess, I’d say your fuel went stale.
https://narcsite.com/2025/09/27/the-five-devaluation-triggers-11/
I also think the backhanded compliment about him wishing he was gay so he could do it without feeling is a HUGE red flag.
Thanks Leigh! I realised I was projecting and people pleasing with my “confused” comment .. feeling guilty for taking up everyone’s time with my historic romance mystery! 🤦♀️ But I know this is what we’re here for and it’s good to exercise our narcissistic hunter skills 🧐 so pls ignore that (but thank you both for your time! ❤️)..
I think it was about 6 months together. I wondered that re stale fuel! ⛽ That article was very useful. I think we’d have “settled” into being a couple if it had continued so maybe he needed a freshen up. 🤷♀️
Yes re the red flag. I agree!
Reading the devaluation triggers article comments, Leigh. Getting “too close” emotionally does seem to be a theme..
Detective hat back on, 🕵️♀️ he wanted kids when older but not the relationship he also said ..
It’s all coming back to me now…
Hi Jade,
Oh yes, that’s a red flag too. If you have to ask yourself why would he tell you he wanted kids if he didn’t want a relationship. What would be the point?
I’m curious, do you know if he ever settled down?
Ugh! Sorry Jade!
It should read,
You have to ask yourself
Not, if you havw to ask yourself.
Mm. Yes, big red flag Leigh. I said I wanted a relationship but no kids.. we really weren’t well matched! 😆 The last time we had contact was about 23 years ago (both our mid-late twenties) and he wasn’t settled then. I looked him up online a while back but found nothing though I did find someone who looked very like him with a different surname 🤨 I started wondering if he was gay (well, bi). I really don’t know…
No worries Leigh! I’m always doing typos 😊 x
That’s interesting about your ex, Jade. Maybe he is gay. Narcs can be fluid with regards to sex.
May I ask why you didn’t want kids? You don’t have to explain if you don’t want to. I’m just curious because my empath daughter has said she doesn’t want kids either. There’s a couple of empaths on the blog who haven’t had children.
Thanks Leigh. I’m quite a androgynous body shape too lol, so could be that he was bi or gay 🤷♀️ I’m also aware he’s allowed not to want to continue the relationship of course, it was just all a bit odd. My limerence I’m aware could have got triggered by his lack of commitment anyway. I wonder if non narcs who are commitment phobic get better with age… 🤔 I had my interest piqued when HG said something about the addictive feeling can often indicate a narcissist (plus the video)…
No prob talking about not wanting children Leigh. I never had the desire, even when younger. I like kids but in small doses lol! I have always had low energy levels and more so since developing fibromyalgia 5 years ago so think if have struggled on that front. I wonder if nmom stuff put me off but unlike a lot of things, this was always clear. I’ve had no regrets and hubby’s the same so we enjoy our hermity life together, lots of reading and films! Do you think empath daughter might be similar?
Hi Leigh, Ep 10 of HG and Doug was helpful re my historic relationship. HG talks about some women being prospective IPPS and some not, which could tie in with my experience and what you said about fuel going stale etc 🧐 he said he doesn’t “hold onto” them all…
Hi Jade,
A lot of what you said sounds like my empath daughter too. She can only take children in small doses too. She likes her time to herself. She knows that her father is a narcissist and that makes her nervous too. She wants to break the cycle.
Yes, thats exactly it with regards to some being perspective IPPS and some not. Not all narcs jump to ensnare you just because you say you love them. Narcs ghost people all the time. Things can be going well and then all of a sudden, poof, they just up and vanidh like a fart in the wind. And then you’re left there, wondering what the hell happened because you thought everything was going well.
I think he definitely triggered your addiction, which leads me to believe that he’s very likely a narcissist.
That’s interesting Leigh. She aware about her father already too. I wasn’t till recently with nmum but I wonder if subconsciously that’s part of it for me too. I think also a lot of younger people are choosing it now too. I haven’t really had any push back even with my parents which is good but I think it’s even more accepted now, isn’t it? I really care about people but have learnt I can only be around people in small bursts which isn’t conducive to being a parent either lol. I have no regrets and pleased I’ve forged the path that feels right for me. I don’t see my nieces and nephews much but it is lovely when i do too.
Thanks for your thoughts re the IPPS etc. The more I listen to HGs videos, the more I learn generally and with this too. The big red flag for me was his turning the tables when I said I liked him but I wonder if he was a normal who got scared too. 🤔 I just couldn’t let it go but I never got answers. The idea of him being a narcissist feels better now but I honestly don’t know. I’m happy with the closure from the video tho regardless because even though he wasn’t “horrible” generally essentially he behaved identically to an N regardless.
Hi Jade,
My empath daughter is similar. She works in a position where she’s interacting with people all day. On her days off, she wants to decompress and stay away from people as much as possible. That wouldn’t work if she had kids. Once you walk in the door they want to be right on top of you.
Yes, she recognized her father’s behaviors way before I did. She knew he was toxic and unhealthy. We’ve also had many conversations about narcissism in general. Narcissism is genetic. The odds are against her. Her father and both my parents are narcs. Those odds make her nervous as well.
Exactly. I need 99% alone time so it would be difficult. Good point about genetics. Us empaths with the n gene behind us could also pass it on! 😮
I’m so glad you and your empath daughter have each other, Leigh. That’s so important for you both. Its been very lovely being the only one that can see it / talk about it in my family (thank goodness for Mr Jade) though I’d say now my narcissistic sister has more emotional bandwidth than my empath brother who’s way in the fog. I havent said the N word but I have told her everything and she’s been respectful. Are you able to talk to your empath daughter re her sister?
Sorry Leigh.. another typo. It should rad “been very lonely” not lovely! 😄
Hi Jade,
I would imagine it must be tough not being able to talk to your family members about your mother’s narcissism. Its very similar for me with regards to my narc daughter. I have one empath friend that I can talk to about her and she is super understanding. She totally understand my predicament.
I do talk to my empath daughter about her narc sister, but not to lean on her. I don’t put my burdens on her ever. My mother did that to me and I won’t ever do that to either of my daughters. I do speak to my empath daughter about how her narc sister affects her. For the most part though, my narc daughter really isn’t around a lot. She’s with her IPPS 99% of the time so that make its a bit easier.
You sound like a good mum, Leigh. That’s what I was wondering.. you both know something important re your husband and N daughter and are there for each other but it is still a daughter /mother relationship and you sound very mindful of that, especially after your own experiences. I imagine it’s a hard line to walk sometimes but you’re being emotionally intelligent and sensitive to your daughter’s needs (both of them). You have a lot to manage but I’m glad you have a good friend who understands and that your N daughter is busy too. ❤️
Yeh, it’s a bit weird with my family lol. I gently tried to broach my parents behaviour about something once with my empathetic brother but he shut it down quickly so I leave it alone with him now. My sister’s been good so though she doesn’t see it I appreciate that she’s been able to hear it and not let it affect our relationship. She can be lovely but quite self serving too and I think there’s benefits to her relationship with our mum for now at least. Other bro.. no! 😆 Weirdly one SIL gets and hadn’t had an easy time with the family it so that’s been validating though I think she still thinks it’s “normal” selfishness/ personality clashes rather than narcissism..
Hi Jade,
Thank you for saying I sound like a good mom. I try. I make a ton of mistakes too though. It is a fine line with my empath daughter. Its morphing into a friendship. She’s in her late 20s. But I still don’t want to lean on her. I don’t feel its fair to her. Even though she knows full well about her father and sister.
I don’t use the word narcissism when I talk to most people. I use it here on the blog, with my one empath friend and my empath daughter. That’s it. I’ve found that people won’t listen when you use the word narcissism. They’re not a fan of the word toxic either. Right away they either tune you out, become defensive or go into denial. I like to say unhealthy behaviors because then at least they’re willing to listen. People are afraid of that word narcissism and don’t want to believe it.
Hi Leigh,
You do. And of course you’ll make mistakes.. you’re human. I can’t imagine what it takes to be a parent.. my cat can be demanding enough! 😅
I think being aware of leaning on her is wise though and part of your empathetic make up. I have two empath friends with kids and I’ve noticed how they talk about their (adult) children (compared to my mum lol).. aware of boundaries and the relationship dynamics, sensitive to the child’s needs even as adults etc.
I’m the same with the word narcissism. I can talk to one empath friend too, she has a background in mental health and is interested though I can still see if you’ve not experienced it yourself, it is still weird… But yes, defensive and denial I agree are the go to responses. I’ve found particularly talking about a parent too, even therapists come out with the platitudes or defensiveness. I’ve had that multiple times! With my SIL, she says things like “I think it’ll get easier with your mum now” (for her) and my head’s saying “nooooo” but 🤷♀️ you can say so much, can’t you? ultimately you have to let people see (or not) themselves, don’t you?
Hi Jade,
You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make them drink. Once I start talking about narcissism and I see someone resisting, I back off.
I can’t stand when people say to me, “You only have one mother.” It drives me nuts. I usually come back with a smart ass remark like, that’s nice, I don’t care. Its why I only speak to a few people about her. They just don’t get it.
LOL! I have 5 kitties and they keep me busy too!
Exactly. 💯🎯 I only share with people I know will get it now too Leigh.
5 kitties! Wowsers 😼🐾 I love cats though.. little healers ❤️
Lol, Jade! I think cats are little narcissists, lol!
That’s true Leigh! Maybe they’re healing narcissists, like HG! 🐾
That’s true too, Jade. My kitties do give me a lot of joy. They do make me laugh and laughter is good for the soul.
Absolutely Leigh. They can be selfish little gits lol but sooo cute and loving (when they want to be) too! 😹
Hi Leigh, 👋
I’m guessing you’ve probably listened to seduced and ensnared? I’m halfway through ensnared atm. An interesting listen given all our discussions about romantic relationships. As mentioned I’d not had the golden period or lovebombing so not all resonated but as it’s gone on there’s definitely light bulb moments.. I think always feeling like you’re trying to “get” them or secure the relationship is a form of control and manipulation. You’re not on stable ground. 😮💨 Bits of other people I’ve had the joy to know in there too!
It’s helpful having these different ways to learn HG. 🙏
Also HG, the two series reminded me of an old “friend” who only seemed to like attached men. She went on a date with a married man, his months old baby and our friend group when we went away for a break with her (married and baby joined us 🤢).. triangulating us all who were too nice / (read compliant or scared) to point out how fucked up it was. I wish I’d said something now but I didn’t. It was so uncomfortable, I was always trying to work her out and understand her… I do now. #fuel that was one of many attached guys.
It’s amazing how some people obviously lack emotional empathy but we still find excuses. Not logical at all. I’m going through old friends, ex’s, colleagues and fanilu and realise there’s many that I’ve never seen show real empathy. Sometimes the red flags are flying high and we still don’t see them. So glad I “know” now.
Hi Jade,
Surprisingly, I haven’t listened or read Seduced and Ensnared. I think I just got caught up in Mr. Tudor’s other books and logic bulletins. I’ll have to add them to my list.
I agree. Mr. Tudor is a fantastic teacher and he teaches us in a variety of ways. We all learn differently and at our own pace and this environment that he’s created has made it a very conducive way to learn.
“It’s amazing how some people obviously lack emotional empathy but we still find excuses.” – That’s so true. Its our emotional thinking that causes us to make those excuses. Mr. Tudor teaches us how to use logic so we can see the lack of empathy and stop making excuses.
100% Leigh. Listening to those makes me appreciate the different ways HG is teaching. Thank you HG. 🙏
I think I was clued in early on to the characters as I’ve been learning so much recently but of course there’s a lot of surprises and twists, as only HG can do. Highly recommended.
It’s been interesting.. there’s some similarities to relationships for me, some resonant stuff with my mum and other narcs I’ve known but also interestingly I noticed a feeling of shame for the fleas I’ve had / have and the ways I’ve behaved narcissistically myself especially early on in my relationship. I understand now that I was scared of being controlled and didn’t know enough about me or him at that stage and also didn’t know what narcissism we was then or about being an acon. A work in progress and I know shame isn’t necessary but it’s interesting what it brought up and I’m actually grateful for it. You kind of see the circle of your own behaviour and theirs.. but at least I can keep working on mine. Hubby and I understand those times now.
The only warning I’d have is it’s hard to stop listening! Better than any soap…
Hi Jade,
Here’s a video on narcissistic fleas. Its not a term that Mr. Tudor uses.
https://youtu.be/Yl9Gvad47CU?si=RIK4-b8XBDYuT3b_
When you’re behaving narcissistically, its your narc traits coming to the fore, its not narcissistic fleas. Even empaths have narc traits. Empaths can have pride, infidelity, vanity, resentment, anger, etc too. The difference is that our empathetic traits keep our narcissistic traits in check.
Thank you Leigh! I’ll watch now. With bad habits you’ve “picked up” growing up, say taking over people, is that the same thing?
Sorry Leigh.. that should have said “talking over” lol. I’m not an alien !👽😄
I (and my husband) notice I sometimes do things my parents do / did out of a bad habit and only realise afterwards… Wondering about behaviour like that. 🤔
I do also understand having my own narcissistic traits and them sometimes coming to the fore.. that scenario makes more sense than fleas.
Hi Jade,
I have quite a few bad habits that I’ve picked up from my parents, lol. If you can’t tell already, I’m a bit of a know it all, lol. That trait I got from my dad. I’m also judgmental like my dad and loud like my mom. I tend to be argumentative too. I feel like I was conditioned to be argumentative though, which is annoying to think about.
I can get caught in a loop of overthinking and wondering how much of my personality was developed because I was conditioned. Which also drives me nuts, lol.
Some of our narc traits are valuable though. We need to have them so people don’t walk all over us. Our narc traits keep our empath traits in check and vice versa also.
Hi Leigh
I obviously don’t know you IRL, but I’ve got to say, I think you’re great. You’ve been so welcoming, supportive and FUNNY! I do appreciate that.
I haven’t seen any of those traits you mentioned but also, we’re all a weird make up of stuff aren’t we? And we don’t let it all hang out here (so to speak haha). I’m not really like either of mine, weirdly and kind of luckily lol though I have picked up a few bad habits along the way.. I guess that’s inevitable 🤷♀️ my mum is very religious (I’m not) and a bit snooty, pretend caring, and MMRa-y! 🥴 I think subconsciously we all idolised my dad because of the dynamic, he was more “down to earth” but could covertly enable mum and stir the pot. I’m not sure what his deal was, tending towards non narc with eroded empathy.
Like anyone else, I’m not angel of course but I think I haven’t had enough self protective behaviours.. nature and nurture ..but am getting them now at last. I think that’s related to the chronic pain and fatigue. I’m hoping it might bugger off again in time as I heal. 🤞 I’ve needed to get a bit of bite lol 🦷 I’d finally had enough!!
Hi Jade,
Thank you for your kind words. I’m not too shabby, lol! You’re not too shabby either!
Maybe I exaggerate my narc traits a little bit, lol! I’ve grown a lot since I’ve been here. I’ve learned to be more understanding and kind. Another reason why I love this blog.
Well the growth shows Leigh. I didn’t know you till recently but I’ve said what I see. 🖖
& I’ll be in your “not too shabby” club! 😁
You’ve all been very kind
.. also Rebecca, AV, Asp Amp. It’s nice finding other empaths that “get it” and I’m finding out differences as interesting as our similarities ❤️ I like seeing empaths get feisty too! I need to develop more of that lol.
And of course, the man himself. He’s not trying to be kind, but he is, by proxy. Thank you HG. I appreciate the time, education and space you provide us. This whole concept is quite unusual but works excellently. And you’ve got more than enough to deal with here without inventing more of us lol! 😉
Annnd Contagious and Josephina ❤️❤️
Thank you for your kind words, Jade!
Okaaay, I said a while back that I didn’t think I’d ever had a romantic relationship with a narcissist but I’m second thinking it after this video “why won’t he define the relationship”:
https://youtu.be/BJrDp9A0OgA?si=Nz-xDSlNll15IOtb
I’m pretty sure he wasn’t messaging / seeing anyone else but this video describes the relationship otherwise. It’s messed me up for a longgghh time and I was addicted, definitely.
HG – you seem quite definite about this behaviour describing a narcissist in the video. Are there occasions that a non narcissist might behave in this way?
I think maybe my empathetic traits have been obscuring some of my views of my past relationships… 🤔
Yes, you need to like at a range of behaviours across a sustained period of time.
Thank you HG. 🙏 Going through your tea with Sam series now so more pennies are dropping… 🪙
Ps you need to put a warning on your work “your mind may be blown”!
Facts!
True! 😊
Hi Jade:
I love Tea with Sam and the Doug series. My favs.
💯 Contagious!
I wonder if it’s seeing empaths taking with HG that’s extra appealing… 🤔
*talking
Jade:
Sam and Doug are definitely empaths but HG talks to lots empaths and normals and narcissists. He has special chemistry with these two, I don’t know why but that’s the reality of life. It’s just obvious and magical
Maybe it’s the addiction on both sides but in a safe arena for the empathy, makes for better conversations 🤔
I agree. Mr. Tudor had great chemistry with Doug and Sam.
Hi HG, is the creature always created in the same way for a narcissist even if they do not come about through trauma?
Yes.
Thank you. 🙏
Dear HG,
Lessers don’t have facades, so do they still have the creature, or only narcs with facades have the creature? Xx
All.
Thank you HG, I think they do have a creature because they still can’t see themselves as they really are? Xx
Hello HG:
I read this book by Naomi Klein who is a journalist and writes for the Guardian among others. And her book is politically liberal ( and accurate) on history such as Red Vienna, or politics such as Steve Bannon but what I thought was missing from her historian, economic and political detailed analysis although she references Jung was narcissism and psychopathy. She talks of the selfish and ends with the world needs community to save the world but oddly at all the topical and prevalent issues why not address your topic? Maybe you should ring her? 😉
She can ring me.
Agreed. It would benefit her. HG there is this series in Netflix called “ The Perfect Neighbor” where this 60 plus white woman perpetually bitches and calls police because the kids create noise and sometimes while playing venture on their property. We all see these ridiculous neighbor disputes over kids, dogs, tree leaves, noise. You get that one miserable person. Well it’s the USA!!!! How did it end? Miss misery takes one of the kids iPads she found perhaps on her property line. The mother goes over pounding on the door to get it back and she shouts her dead. The rest are black so it’s a civil rights event and she does 25 years. The judge found her actions were more angry than fear. Why is this popular. It resonates with those who live by a narc. I love children, all those kids would be my friend… but this misery on wheels poisoned the neighborhood on arrival than shot and killed another of four. Good series on a narc. She had zero remorse either.
Hi Leigh, I’ve just listened to this video of Doug and HG. you’ve probably listened already but thought I’d flag it up in case. So interesting about the creature and also N vs P and narcissistic psychopaths and the similarities and differences. I’m finding, in a good way, my mind being blown multiple times a day with what I’m learning. 🤯 Thanks HG.
https://youtu.be/2l3lQ310j9I?si=sRqgsXUJZrpRMeGc
Hi Jade,
I learned so much from the conversations Mr. Tudor had with Doug. I had so many aha moments and would often listen to them over and over again. The best part of being here is how much my mind is blown. Its the truthseeker in us. We love to learn!
Absolutely! I love learning too. HG and HG and Doug together, just get to the heart of the matter. 🎯 Even HGs remembrance of Doug was useful (apart from being respectful and moving) & I appreciate he’s always honest about who he is and how he feels (or doesn’t).. it’s always a learning opportunity. It’s so easy to slip and think, maybe they felt a bit sad etc.. but he always reminds us so it’s just clear. Doug would have approved, i believe.
Hi Jade,
I agree. I think Doug definitely would’ve approved.
I saw your other comment about the clock analogy that Mr. Tudor used in an interview with the Doug. I forgot about that. I think I’m going to need to start listening to these videos again. Its really good to have the reminder.
Hi Leigh, i think the rapport between Doug and HG really helped for a lot more information to come out in these videos. So good. I can’t believe how young Doug was when he died 😢 but yes, Doug was also a truth seeker and getting his own message out on his channel.
Ps I was involved with a “kind of” cult too for a few years so I found his videos on that topic helpful too.
Hi Jade,
Doug was so young and full of life. Its sad that he was taken so soon.
I’m intrigued. Would you be willing to share some details about your involvement with a cult?
Sam from ‘Tea with Sam” was also involved with a cult.
I also wanted to say thank you for your kind words regarding how I navigate life with my two daughters. I appreciate it.
I’ve had involvement with plenty of cults.
Oh hang on, misread that.
Dear HG,
Will you share with us some of your personal experiences with cults? Xx
I rather think you’ve missed the point there!
Mr. Tudor says, “I’ve had involvement with plenty of cults.”
I don’t doubt it, lol!
Lol HG. Me too! 🤣
Hi Leigh,
No problem sharing re the cult. There’s debate about whether it is a cult, a lot of people think so, the people involved usually don’t (as is usually the way 😄). I think so now and would always advise anyone against it. It does have all the hallmarks though wasn’t religious and is a multi level marketing / pyramid scheme relating to personal development.
I was involved for quite a few years and also worked for them. I think like a lot of these things, there was a lot of well meaning people there but also of course, a lot of narcs etc too (great fuel opportunities and many vulnerable people looking for answers 🙄)!
it’s funny that I ended up there though not surprising now. I was also “forced” to go to church growing up and rebelled so it seemed contradictory to end up in a different cult lol but once you know about narcissism (and the empathic truth seeker trait) it clicks into place. It feels familiar!
It definitely did damage me and there was one very obvious narcissist that was very difficult to work with.
No problem re your daughters.. that’s exactly what I see when you share. I can’t imagine how that is for you but your wisdom in your interactions with both of them is clear. 👌 I’m guessing it would be hard to talk about this with anyone that’s not here on the blog? will there ever be a time that you could have lower contact with the narcissists in your family do you think?
Hi Rebecca, it might be easier for British people to get HGs joke.. replace one of the letters in cult 🤭
Dear HG,
Here I thought you had some juicy stories of cults to share and you tease us….😄xx
Leigh, thanks for mentioning “tea with Sam” being involved with a cult.. I’ll listen to more of that series.
Rebecca,
I assume he replaced L with another letter.
This thread had me dying! Lol!
When I read Rebecca’s comment about hearing Mr. Tudor’s “juicy” stories about “cults”, I nearly spit out my coffee!
Like Arya said, you have to change the L.
Hi HG:
It’s almost Halloween so I have been watching these shows on psychopaths and serial killers then it dawned on me. What does cluster B want most of all? Validation. I call it EXCISTENCEw. . They feel empty, restless, depressed, and sometimes fear abandonment as they cannot cope on their own etc…they act out, they act superior, they do anything to get attention or to reach a goal, anything? What does cluster B want? the crave existence, Normal people, empaths are people we feel solid. Not without problems but solid within. Within our own or ourselves we exist. I saw it in my own family. Basically happy people with large families, middle class, twinkle in their eyes, lots of love, faith. Happy. They know they existed, had love, had Faith. But cluster B struggles with that. They not only can’t feel happiness, they can’t always feel existence. Imagine everyday feels a big empty not knowing but then…… if you even exist ? You have this feelings you are better than anyone in the plans of life but do you exist? Empty cores. Does anyone see you? Thus begins the task of getting attention to prove it. I think the very lack of core identity is all clustered B. And all actions are about being seen, being mattered, even the fantasies however grotesque are to signal the world, look at me, the wealth they accumulate never spend all, never happy is look at me. It’s a black hole in the psyche. Many fear death. Why? They don’t know existence fully. You must feel your soul to feel Faith. That is sad but in my Faith … not inevitable … Fir as God is the in creator of all things. He must see that there are there those unthethered, No matter how rich or famous or…. He sees the Truth of these empty people who struggle with existence. There must be peace … in time…
Hi Jade,
I got it, I got that HG gets it…..😄🫣….but, only after I thought he was serious about cults and not….😄🫣🤪xx
Hi Leigh,
I had to add my humour in about the “juicy stories of cults” ….hope the coffee is ok. 😆🫣😆xx
Jade,
I got his joke straight away and I’m not English native speaker. Though I was hesitant, maybe it’s just me thought in this direction, and he meant smth else. That’s why I didn’t say anything, although it was tempting.
Hi Leigh,
This thread is funny! 🤭 Hehe.. the humour here does help balance the serious stuff.
Yeh, it was the 2000s for me. Sorry about your bro too. Actually my husband helped me escape though I was quite brainwashed to be honest! It nearly split us up when we just met. I thank god for him in so many ways. I feel like he’s my reward for all the fuckwits I’ve been entangled with (also realised a few days ago some of my ex’s were narcs! Ugh). He has helped me untangle all the stuff with my parents despite not being an ACON himself. He’s amazing .. a kickass kind of empath which of exactly what I needed in a partner!
Good plan re your husband but yeh that’s a tough one re your daughter. I guess being a narcissist, if you backed off a bit now she might not let you back in later if she did have kids. I feel some of that with my narc siblings kids.. I really feel for them. I don’t see them often because of my brother being a narcissist but I hope they see there is another way to be when we do meet.
Oh of course re the narc detector! I got confused. Yes Jade is a pseudonym too. I’m always a big paranoid lol.. learning a little paranoia isn’t a bad thing though, haha 🥷
I noticed you got it Arya. I wondered if other nationalitys used that word as much as British people seem to lol 🤬
Well said Contagious. I sometimes try to imagine a family without cluster b’s and can’t really .. but I liked imagining your description and I’m pleased you had that. Well actually, me, hubby and cat are not cluster b lol!! We all rub along well… The cat of course can be a bit of an attention seeker but that’s as far as it goes! 🤭
Hehe Rebecca.. HG has a GSOH 🤭
Hi Jade,
My narc daughter isn’t around a lot right now because she’s busy with her IPPS (boyfriend). I’m only a NISS (non intimate secondary source) so not as important in her fuel matrix. I’m painted white with her most of the time. So even if we don’t see each other that much, she would definitely allow me to be in her life if she had a child. But then that would mean I’d have to deal with her more often and she can be draining.
I’m glad your husband was able to get you out of that situation.
When you look back, isn’t it crazy how many people you realize are narcs? Did I see that you said you think one of your brothers is a narc?
Interesting about your daughter, Leigh. Glad it’s manageable ..as much as they can be and she has an IPPS (for your sake 😅).
I know… So many of them! I think in one of Doug’s videos HG says we’ll have more than the claimed 1/6 if the population around us, being empaths.
My most formative and damaging relationship in my early twenties I learned here this weekend, was likely a narc (via HGs video “why won’t he define the relationship”). I actually felt sick when it clicked and am still getting my head around it… I really thought I’d missed the romantic narcs but that video spelt out that happened to me. I spent so many years in a bad way after that , looking for answers from him and to be “chosen” … till a few days ago I felt somehow he just didn’t want me as I don’t think there was anyone else 🤢 I do feel empowered now though.. like a gate came down all these years later and despite being happily married, that I got closure. So good to learn more but tough. I am very hesitant to say someone is a narc and he’s not even blipped on my radar until now. Then realising there was more romantic ones. Ugh. So yeh, I can see they’ve been like moths to the flame.
I think my brother is a lesser. Not 100% but I’m VLC with him as I’ve never seen him exhibit empathy in my life lol and he crossed too many lines. My N mum keeps saying how sensitive he is recently which really makes me laugh. Narcs are gonna narc.
I wasn’t sure about my dad but think non narc but other issues, and one brother I think is empath but way in the FOG, and a sister who I think is narcissistic or a super empath but more likely the former. She’s actually stepped up a lot in my view since my dad died. She’s a bit scary but straightforward. Phew! But yeh, most of my friends, bosses, colleagues etc have had a good proportion too. How about you… You mentioned an autistic brother?
Hi Jade,
In my little family, the numbers are 2/4. I do think my husband’s family are filled with narcs too.
My older brother was never officially diagnosed with Autism. He was born in the early 60s and they called it mental retardation back then. My younger brother is bizarre. He was never officially diagnosed either, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s autistic too. My mother would make excuses for my younger brother’s behavior all the time. It was such a weird dynamic. She would complain to me about something he did, I would try to discipline him and then she would tell me to stop being so hard on him. Meanwhile she started the nonsense in the first. It was triangulation in its finest. She did the same to my father when he was around. The problem with my father was his form of discipline. She really is a piece of work.
Oh they love a bit of triangulation, don’t they Leigh?! 🤷♀️ Thanks for sharing more. It’s interesting working this stuff out but weird when it’s your own family! There’s some mental health stuff on my dad’s side but the N side definitely comes from my mum. Her mum was a more obvious N and I’ve heard some stories from one of her sisters that made my hair curl! My mum doesn’t see it and has never said anything about the stuff I know.. she got on ‘ok’ with her mum both being Ns. I think culturally as well, she just thinks the mums the matriarch and now it’s her turn.
Hi Leigh and Contagious 👋
I just listened to “tea with Sam and HG 3 – recovery”. Really good. She also shared about the cult which was interesting and also they talked about “the addiction” which helped. I have addictive tendencies so it was interesting to learn more about that.
I got the impression that empaths struggle with this area generally which made sense, from my experience at least. I worry that I’m getting addicted to this site sometimes lol but think it’s in balance and I’m through the worst of my narcissistic stuff and knows this is lowering my ET. Lots of gold in this episode. Looking forward to the rest.
Hi Jade,
“I worry that I’m getting addicted to this site sometimes…” – Don’t worry. You’re supposed to be here. You’re learning and expanding your mind.
Thank you Leigh. I think so too but like I mentioned in the other thread, am just mindful of my addictive, all or nothing tendencies! I’m working on balance as I’m getting better as I get older (& maybe wiser? 🥴) lol. I do love the combination of truth seekers like myself and truth bombs from Mr T that we get here..👌
Hi Jade,
Oh yes, I know about those multi level marketing/pyramid schemes. I was never involved but I know some people who were involved. My younger brother got caught up in one on the 90s.
How did you get out?
As for freedom or ANC from familial narcs, that’s tough. My dad is passed and my mom is in a nursing home, so that’s taken care of. With my husband, freedom is the goal. With my daughter, ugh! If she ever has children, i’ll need to stay in her life so I can be there intervener.
I think there may be some confusion regarding the narc detector on my daughter. When you complete a narc detector, you complete it about someone else. She has no idea I did one on her.
With an empath & trait detector, you complete it about yourself. Which is what my empath daughter did.
Leigh also isn’t my real name so even if they came to the blog, they wouldn’t know it was there mother.
Hey Leigh , I watched this series called Psychopath and the main focus was this Canadian Garry who was convicted of a Ponzi scheme like Bernie Madof. People lose everything. The point was psychopaths like HG said are more often than not to be in white collar or nonviolent crimes than killers. But to me… the devastation at taking all someone’s money especially retirement is a death. It’s equally horrific! The Canada man did only 4 years!!!!
Hi Contagious,
I feel so bad for people who lose their life savings to weasels who use ponzi schemes like Madoff did. I would imagine they must’ve been frantic. I know that’s how I would feel. I can’t believe this guy from Canada only got 4 years! That’s crazy!
Interesting about the Ponzi type Canadian, Contagious. I agree.. I think scams, cults (and also legally, the stock exchange!) is where you’ll find most of them.. not killing people physically and literally but draining their life savings etc so they’re absolutely causing massive harm but in a different way. I think at least here in the UK, fraud seems a lot more lenient for prison terms which is crazy.
Sorry Leigh and Contagious! *jumped into conversation*! 😅
Hi Jade you can’t help but love Doug. But Tea with Sam is my favorite. HG, you know it’s hard and not saying he is replaceable because Doug is as a beautiful soul but find a Doug type if possible and do more Twa with Sam! These “ series🎶” were precious!!!!
Thanks Contagious, I need to listen to more tea with Sam.. I want to find more out about her experience with cults too. Ps I still laugh when I write “cults” HG and Rebecca!! 🤣
OMG
I spit my tea out laughing at the replace one letter in Cult.
I lived in UK, was involved for 12 years ( and married to a Brit), I got it!
So glad you joined us:)
🤣 hilarious.
Sorry to had this experience too Contagious but another thing in common! ✊😊
Hi Jade and Contagious,
It took me getting hit in the face with the letter change, to get it….then I was like, oooh 🤣🤣 🤪 duh, I got it then…not British, we use the b word, not the c word. 😄😄xx
Haha.. but now I’m in that position.
B word!? 🤔
Jade,
😄Nah, you’re good xx
Lol Jade!
Add a b to word itch, lol!
B-itch instead of cult? Leigh and Rebecca? 🤔
Hi Jade,
I think what Rebecca is saying is when we’re describing a woman that we might not like, we use the word b itch instead of “cult”.
Leigh and Jade,
😄 Leigh you’re 100% right on that! And no, Jade, you don’t fill that position at all. Xx
Ah I get that now Leigh.. thank you. I was thinking more of the body part word! All cleared up 😆 who’d have thought we’d need translating!!
Haha.. thanks guys! 😅 We say then word too. The c word is a bit more shock value I think. 😄
Also the c word is very equal here … All genders can be called it! 😄
My ex husband was a Brit. The C word is normal for man and woman from a true Londoner especially a Cockneys son. You have to careful using it in US
Cunt is not the preserve of Cockneys. They don’t even say it correctly!
Cockneys are more like “cyunt” .. how did you say it HG? 🤔
Cockneys don’t say cyunt, they say caaaaannnt
HG and Jade,
Do either of you know the rhyming Cockney slang for the ‘c’ word?
Berk, grumble or back.
Ooh is that where berk came from? I always thought that was an endearing insult! 😄
Thanks, HG.
It doesn’t make sense though. Care to elaborate?
What does not make sense?
Yes, caant is more like it. Northerners say coont!
I hope nobody discovers my Google search history over the past hour or so …
Bukkake porn … Cockney rhymes for cunt …
Just the usual … 😂😂😂
The Brits say the c word better, it’s funnier hearing them say it and you’re right Jade, in the US both sexes can be called the c word.😄xx
Me too re internet history, WN!
Ps another word we have in the UK that I remembered for c*** is muff! 🤣
Hi y’all, I bit more education on British swear words.. you can call someone a “see you next Tuesday” instead of cult! 😉
Haha Rebecca. I don’t swear much .. but I think a little can go a long way so I like to save the c word for people that really deserve it 😄
There’s always something new to learn here, Jade… Thank goodness for Google haha 😉🤣🤣
Lol Jade!
We use see you next Tuesday too!
😄Jade and Leigh,
I don’t swear a lot either and I use the c word for those who have earned the badge. Xx
I mainly swear when I’m mad and frustrated.
Leigh,
Does your narc daughter swear a lot? My narc stepdaughter does. MLSNarc had her on speaker, while we were grocery shopping and I kid you not, every other word was the f bomb. I had to ask MLSNarc to take her off speaker. He didn’t and he found her cussing funny to hear. She’s definitely not the one to put on speaker. 😵💫xx
Leigh and Jade,
See you next tuesday is a good one! 😄xx
Hi HG,
The words you have given do not rhyme in a way that makes sense.
It’s ok, though. I’ve looked them up and discovered the meaning of the first two.
Sometimes with Cockney rhyming slang the original rhyming part becomes lost owing to a contraction, for example “Oh my poor plates” which means feet as it was originally plates of meat. “Use your loaf” – loaf of bread = head.”Look at his syrup” – syrup of fig = wig.
Haha WN and Leigh.. it’s definitely an all round educational experience being here! 😜
HI Rebecca,
Yes, my narc daughter curses a lot. But so does my empath daughter. But truth be told, I have a potty mouth too. I use the eff word a lot. As I’ve aged, I try to use it less and less.
Thank you for the explanation, HG.
Yes, I know what you mean. When a single word based on a Cockney rhyme is used in everyday language it becomes familiar – like ‘loaf’ for head or ‘porky’ for lie, etc.
In contrast, I had never heard of the single words you mentioned for the ‘c’ word. I know the full rhymes for all three now though.
I think Cockney rhymes and the truthseeker trait are two things that are very complementary – haha
Hi Leigh,
When I’m mad or frustrated I’ll cuss too, but narc stepdaughter will use the f bomb as an adjective and she’ll even use to throw it in for the hell of it and she’s a loud speaker too, even off speaker, people can hear her talking around me. She’s been reprimanding at work for her cussing. She doesn’t care, she’ll continue to cuss. Xx
Dear Mr Tudor,
TOW’s latest cringeworthy stunt showing her feet in the car along the same route where Diana was killed proves this narcissist is really sick in the head! TOW has seriously lost the plot. WTH ? 🤪
What say you Mr Tudor?
Addressed in a video yesterday and one that will appear today.
Dear Mr Tudor,
Looking forward to it. Many thanks
Dear Mr Tudor,
Thank you for your “The Internet is the worst” video
TOW’s overall “behaviour” is extremely disrespectful, (we’ve seen it repeatedly) she’s very cunning, intentional and knew what she was doing.
It’s a pity narcissists can’t self reflect, they might actually learn something….having said that, they just don’t care!
Thank you again for a most informative analysis and keeping us all up to date with the latest, it’s very much appreciated.
Wisernow:
My ex narc was raised by Cockneys in East London. I was married 12 years. He grew up however in Nob Hill, Jamaica side. But he would say thing like “ Give a Dog a Bone.”lol and it was another language outside of English v American like bin, boot, shattered etc.. to learn but I learned it. Lol But when he was in narc rage, you know whatever words they speak. Ie “you and your cherry pie, I maven up and I will do you in. “You get the point. Translated although in psychosis: you are a liar and I am going to kill you. 2024.
Crikey Contagious! 😬 I’m glad your out of that relationship!
H.G., I really want to get some clarity on this, if that’s even possible.
Because honestly, this feels like the cornerstone — the main point everything else revolves around.
My psychopath never gave me an answer to this question — probably because he didn’t know it himself. But it’s so important.
I realize that sometimes my comments here might come across as a bit arrogant compared to how other empaths respond — like I’m “showing off” that I know something. But I can’t rewrite my own experience. It is what it is. There’s no reason for me to make things up or lie — and you already know the results of my detector test.
I don’t even know what exactly he was — a psychopath, a narcissist, a narcissistic psychopath — but the fact is, he gave me a certain kind of understanding of how all this works. It’s not the same kind of insight I’ve gained from you, but still… he gave me a sort of foundation. And I’m oddly grateful for that (though sometimes I wish I’d never known any of it).
But I still want to understand more.
When I interact with a narcissist, I experience what feels like an amphetamine-like effect. I’ve never taken drugs, but from what I’ve read, it matches perfectly — a huge rush of dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine. When I told my ex about it, he said, “Yeah. Interesting. I don’t feel anything like that.” But that was a lie.
So here are my questions:
1) Is that amphetamine-like high actually connected to the narcissist somehow consciously or unconsciously influencing the empath’s brain chemistry — causing those neurotransmitter surges? “Emotional thinking” doesn’t seem to explain it.
2) Or is it the other way around — the narcissist feels that amphetamine-like high (what you call “fuel”) during interaction with the empath, and somehow, consciously or not, creates a link so the empath feels his high too?
3) I can actually feel that amphetamine-like effect even when the narcissist is just thinking about me — when we’re not physically together. For him, it’s “fuel for thought.” I feel it. And no, I’m not crazy (trust me)). Is there any way to stop experiencing that, or not really?
4) And finally — if that amphetamine-like “fuel” is what the narcissist gets from interacting with an empath, then in theory, could lifelong low doses of amphetamines remove the narcissist’s need for external fuel? Like how ADHD patients take amphetamines in therapeutic doses.
If these questions can’t be discussed here, would it be possible to ask them during a private consultation?
Hello HG, If an empath’s emotional empathy has been eroded, would it make them less attractive to narcissists? If their empathic qualities have been diminshed would it not mean that they wouldn’t cater to the prime aims as well
It may diminish their attractiveness however the diminution in emotional empathy may not be across the board and may be targeted, therefore it does not impact on the narcissist. If it is wholesale or directed towards the narcissist it will impact on the achievement of the prime aims meaning the narcissist may have to work harder and/or utilise other appliances to a greater extent.
This is a interesting question and answer.
HG – Is there ever the sense of a narcissist “smelling blood” if an empath isn’t doing so well, they’re “wounded” so easier to “get” or would that be more psychopathic behaviour?
“Not doing so well” may well be different to experiencing a diminution in emotional empathy.
That is true, HG.
“My” narcissists always sense it.
They’re always ready to “lend a helping hand” when I’m in “trouble.”
But they’ll come to collect afterward… It’s like a deal with the devil.
My ex, a psychopathic narcissist, used to say:
“I can sense it like a shark smells blood.”
And it’s true — other narcissists seem to intuitively sense the moment of my greatest vulnerability, and like knights on horseback, they rush in to save me.
There was a rather funny incident in my life.
I don’t believe in God, but during a very hard period I was reading a prayer that went something like:
“Lord, please, I’m so tired. Send me someone who can help me get out of all this.”
Coincidence? Maybe — but an amusing one.
The very next day, I met a narcissist.
And my thoughts were:
Either God is a psychopath (forgive me, believers), or
My problems are so complicated that only a narcissist could possibly help me.
To be fair — at that time, he really did help me.
I agree Josephina and about always “paying” later! 😅 I have also noticed they dint want to be around when you’re doing well at life!
HeyJosephinua:
Maybe don’t accept help from a narc or psychopath. Turn to yourself , God or other non-narcs. Psychopaths are like 1% of society. Narcs may be up to 10%. My point is WHY? There are others to lean into? Who you might be turning to only want control, it’s all selfish and the abuse will come.
Hi, Contagious
How are you doing?
“Maybe don’t accept help from a narc or psychopath. Turn to yourself , God or other non-narcs. Psychopaths are like 1% of society. Narcs may be up to 10%. My point is WHY? There are others to lean into? Who you might be turning to only want control, it’s all selfish and the abuse will come.”
Absolutely!! Of course there is. I guess it’s more for a rainy day.
I think it all comes down to my childhood. I believe my father was probably a narcissist. There are many coincidences. Maybe not. But I can’t find the strength in myself, and I don’t think I ever will, to put him on a lie detector. This is the one story in my life where I am not ready to hear the truth.
What’s surprising is that I was subjected to emotional abuse from him for over 20 years. (Of course, not everything was always bad.) But if you asked me now to tell you about a specific fight… you wouldn’t believe it—I couldn’t recount a single one. I have amnesia for that entire period. Yes, I remember that he constantly shouted, insulted me, (never hit me—well, except once when he punched the wall near my face), slammed doors, brought me to tears. But the specifics, I don’t remember, even though there were arguments at home every single week. You had to control everything: your facial expressions, your gaze, your tone of voice… That’s why I am so incredibly good at reading people now (I had to do it to survive). But exactly what he said… a blank sheet. I asked my mother, and she has even bigger amnesia than I do.
I remember one of the psychotherapists I went to (I was just studying to become a psychiatrist at the time) tried to pry out what my father had said to provoke a reaction from me, but I didn’t remember. That therapist pressured me: “You’re describing completely illogical behavior from your father, as if he were a schizophrenic who screams at you all the time for no reason.” At that time, neither the therapist nor I realized that my father’s portrait, though illogical to a normal person, fits perfectly with the logic of a narcissist. I couldn’t withstand the pressure (I really couldn’t remember anything, and I was still defending my father) and I left. Although that psychologist was the first to suspect I had trauma.
So, I guess that’s why narcissists hold some kind of authority for me. As if they matter, their opinion, their judgment is important. From my father, this damn ambivalent attachment style. But I’m working on myself.
P.S. But now I’m a doctor myself. Soon I’ll be giving a lecture to my colleagues on Complex PTSD. I was lazy about it, but they made me do it))
Jade
“I agree Josephina and about always “paying” later! 😅 I have also noticed they dint want to be around when you’re doing well at life!”
People who truly “have it all together” are unlikely to get caught up with a narcissist.
A confident, self-sufficient person with clear boundaries simply won’t stay in that dynamic for long. And someone like that will naturally attract a partner who’s similar — like attracts like.
I’ve never met a single victim of a narcissist who didn’t have some sort of mental health issue. It might be mild, it might be severe, or it could even be a physical health condition (which, as a consequence, creates its own psychological vulnerabilities).
I used to joke with my ex about this:
“I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t do drugs, I don’t have casual sex — in fact, no sex at all. Too perfect to be true. You’re my drug, my escape, my Achilles’ heel.” 😅
I agree 💯 Josephina. It’s important to work on ourselves too..
Mr. Tudor,
“Spotting Green Flags and Avoiding Narcissists” is a video that I wish everyone would work together to boost in terms of the YouTube algorithm. It came at the perfect time for me, quite fortuitously. I listened to it several times yesterday.
I inadvertently found myself in a situation that it directly applied to. I am so naive and careless that I let myself be put in a very uncomfortable position by trying to be agreeable and get to know a neighbor. I don’t know if he’s a narcissist. I’ve interacted with this person for less than four hours across only two very spread out days. Only you would know that quickly what someone is. I will say that I have seldom been subjected to such a high volume of boundary violations…and I’m the idiot who didn’t walk away soon enough.
Your work extends to all relationships that we have the potential to build with people around us. Nothing could have better helped me than the knowledge you provide. Thank you!
Good to know that it was useful to you, Dani.
Dear HG – for the Narc Detector, does the maximum word count allowed for answers include or exclude the text already there (for the questions)?
Many thanks. I shall submit mine once I’ve got this clarified.
The word count is for your answers and does not include the existing text.
Thank you so much. I realised later that this point is covered very clearly in the questionnaire itself. Nevertheless, I very much appreciate you responding to my question.
Thank you again!
You’re welcome.
Hi HG, When you see us putting things together or the penny dropping, here, what do you think / feel?
Well done, you are learning and it is because you have the good sense to access the best work available. Mine.
I love that answer HG. It both validates us and your abilities!
Ps I rescued a pigeon the other day ..I found it and it had broken it’s wing so I brought it to the vet. My OH said it would have been kinder to leave it, but I couldn’t, he was flapping away but couldn’t move and I know I’d feel awful thinking of it like that. Also I thought of you and tried to imagine how no emotional empathy feels and if I’d just walked on. It was an interesting exercise. I am glad of how I am but could see empathy slows you down and how narcissism is “effective” in terms of meeting your own needs/ prime aims. But what you’re doing here, weaponising empaths, gives the world the right balance imo.
You’ll be interested to read a particular section of my book The Psychopath given what you’ve written.
I’m looking forward to reading The Psychopath.
Thanks HG.
Can’t wait for the book!
sounds juicy! Can’t wait!
Jade, I love this question and I love Mr. Tudor’s answer!
Thanks Leigh, I loved his answer too!
Morning HG,
I hope you’re well.
1. when a midrangers mask comes off in front of people what’s their thinking afterwards about what’s happened?
Before I “knew” my mum’s mask slipped in front of me and a family member (I realise now). In this situation she was nasty and childish towards the other person, I think because me and the other family member were getting on well (better than I did with her). I saw my mum about a month later and she was saying “oh you and X have a lot in common, not having children etc, it’s nice you’re so close” being “nice” and obviously trying to plaster over what she did.
I’m aware there’s a memory component with narcissism, asserting control in the moment, which she did but I wonder what happens next in her mind. Did her narcissism make her aware she needed to remember and to repair what she did / her facade from my perspective when she sees me next? I have noticed with her and a lot of narcissists, they’re inconsistent and hypocritical, but in this instance she tried to repair her image.
Her nastiness isn’t seen very often, even behind closed doors, her facade is normally pretty much in place though since I know now I can see all the machinations.
Thanks as always.
In most instances they will not be thinking about it afterwards as they will have moved on to something else that is demanding their pursuit of the Prime Aims.
Thanks HG. It did seem unusual because normally though the facade doesn’t slip as such, she does awful things and they’re never mentioned again by her, so what you said makes sense. I think it was a clear facade slip so she might have wanted to cover herself that time.
Hello:
I think sometimes it doesn’t matter if empathy is diminished, or a narc and its variants or psychopathy. Abuse is abuse. No one should be subjected to it. Understanding solves the problem why but we all know they mostly had a bad past. What’s sad is the no cure. The too late in most cases. What HG teaches is all the levels and types of abuse. So many of us here were either trying to stop the abuse or understand it. Thank you HG. But we are all entitled to happiness. Something we push aside but true. What I love about HG is he shows examples of abuse so you can no longer deny it. And he tells you don’t waste your time fixing it. Some things remain broken. .
Great comment Contagious. I remember thinking a lot when I first learnt about narcissism “that my mum isn’t as bad” as more obvious or violent (or whatever) narcs. But as you said abuse is abuse. I read a quote once that said “there is no such thing as mild abuse” which hit home too, and actually the covertness adds another layer of screwing with your head. I also realised, it’s getting your head around the betrayal too.. it’s a weird feeling knowing your parent hasn’t got your back even though they pretend they have. Thank you for the reminder!
Hi Jade,
When your mom saw you talking to the family member, it was a threat to her control. Like Mr. Tudor said, afterwards she would’ve moved onto something else to meet the prime aims so she wouldn’t be thinking about it. But when she saw you a month later, it reminded her of the threat to control so she had to nullify that threat to control. That’s why she brought it up again.
Perfect, thanks for that Leigh. I had the sequence of events but your explanation of “threat to control” helps..
Going back to this comment about the prime aims and threat to control, what you said was really helpful Leigh. I look at people more in terms of control now and the other prime aims. My wise hubby also often says my mum’s like a fisherman, if I dont bite (rarely these days) she just goes fishing elsewhere! 🎣
Jade,
Your wise hubby hit the nail on the head! If you don’t bite, she’ll go fishing elsewhere! #facts
Exactly Leigh!
Hello HG
what do you think of a situation where the empath is on the shelf of 2 different mid-range Narcs?
When one go away for a period, the other come …. so the addiction is filled and the pain caused by the addiction is compensated.
During the brief period where the two are away, a Narc best friend is used to compensate the addiction.
I am unclear what you are asking me.
HG,
Are we inching closer to the “another occasion” that you talked about with Neil, where you share your ideas for the event that Britain is attacked? Halloween is coming up! It would also make a great Christmas present….
Hello, HG. I entitle this question, ‘Breaking Biscuits’, in honour of your latest Breaking Bad analyses:
Unfortunately, I currently have neighbours and it’s quite a case study in motion. I include myself in that. One of them recently lost his partner through death and is in a bad way. Neither of them were in a good way to start with. He is peculiar and I’m not sure if he’s a lesser narcissist to boot. He is very Victim, but frequently delusional, so clearly has mental health problems or a personality disorder I’d guess.
He WILL lure one into engagement if he can. One must have strong boundaries in order to have no truck and he knows an empath when he sniffs one out. If I give my time and energy, he will take the pith roundly and insult me as well, or would do, if I was easily insulted. He is a weasel but I see the sweet version of him beyond. He’s a cry for help but doesn’t believe he deserves it, with a twist of menace and mind-feckery.
The other day I asked if he was alright as he hovered around the street junction. I asked if he was eating, as he’d previously told me he didn’t (then borrowed my ‘phone to order pizza, which he assured me he wouldn’t eat). He started a beeline for engagement, but my Jedi body language stopped it. He called out something unintelligible. I said, ‘What?’ He repeated: ‘Have you got any biscuits for my cup of tea?’
I exclaimed, ‘BISCUITS?!… NO!’ and hoofed it home.
I spent the next few days feeling terrible! Surely I could give a poor man some grief biscuits? What kind of neighbour am I? But he’s the type to say, ‘I don’t like Gingernuts’ if I took him some. I considered buying him a biscuit selection just incase! :D. During a trip to M&S (posh), I say to my companion that I’ll get him some biscuits and he says, ‘NO MAN! Do not engage and do not get him biscuits!’ We had just seen him when leaving my place, you see and I asked if he’d got biscuits and he shook his head.
HG, I understand you would never find yourself in this situation, but just imagine you did. He asked you for biscuits. Perhaps you were incognito on some mysterious project. You’d been bored and had formerly played with him and given him a bit of your time and attention, then he asked for ‘some biscuits’ next time you saw him. How would you react? I suppose it would depend on your mood and how much time you had. I knew that he was taking the biscuit and that was my line, but I still feel bad. I am thinking of posting a few thro’ his letterbox. Thing is, he’s so paranoid he’d think it was from the couple at 44 who tried to poison his water and waterboarded him in the dead of night…I mean, clearly I need to move and perhaps get out a bit more. But that aside, would you blank him, would you indulge him with an M&S super chocolatey selection luxury box? would you snap, ‘NO!’ or what? I hope you realise I’m not being deadly serious. The thought of you being in this situation is preposterous. I’m just laughing at myself for being so daft, really. The saviour in me wants to adorn the poor soul with biccies, but that sliver of ‘super’, perhaps, won’t let me because it’s only a key to more nonsense. Best wishes, I won’t make a habit of short stories on your lovely blog, I do promise.
I would ignore his request for biscuits.
Thought so.
¡Muchas gracias! HG.
Note to self: “Less silly w-anchors, more Salamancas!”
Hello Mari Rowan,
I enjoyed your short story. That made me laugh.
Hello, WhoCares, thank you for your comment! Ridiculous, isn’t it? 😀
Forgive my sin, Lord… He just hoovered me at 4:35 AM. And I liked it. It gave me pleasure seeing his name on my screen. I repent, Lord… or do I?
4:35 AM ..what a pervert
😆
Ahah, Arya… I would love for Lord Tudor to analyse him. He’s a tudorscopable individual… But I would be loath to cause him a public exposure.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂 I think you should go NC and give him this before you do. 🖕🏼
Point taken! It takes a little time for me to reach the highest potency of the violet fire, but I always do. That time… is now!