Skjoldmø – The Shieldmaiden


You know of The Shieldmaiden 

Shortly you shall have the chance to learn more about her and my dynamic with her

In readiness for this, here is your opportunity to ask in the comments section all the questions you wish for my consideration in preparation to then answer you with the forthcoming article about The Shieldmaiden




  1. HG, Are you still seeing the good doctors and if so do they know about SM? If they know are they willing to support and help you if your decision is to Marry her?

      1. Caron, I know you would like HG to answer this and I’m sure if K is reading this she could pull up articles for you that would help you in learning the answer to the question in a more detailed answer, however the answer to your question dear is no. He feels nothing for us! He is doing this for himself, if it benefits us is some manor then so be it. Which is something he will have to explain to SM when he reveals all to her. She will at first think this is a wonderful thing for him to be doing, helping so many people! Until he tells her it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with him!

    1. foolme1time
      This comment is older but I think the Good Doctors know about Shieldmaiden now. If I find it, I will pull it up for you.

      HG Tudor
      JANUARY 21, 2019 AT 23:39
      I still see them (though less often). They do not yet know of The Shieldmaiden but I am utilising my awareness and learning (some of which has come from the good doctors).

      1. K … how can the good D not know about the blog and her ? That would mean that HG is not totally going that therapy –
        He is hiding the masterpiece ???
        If they don’t know about her … then they don’t know about the blog … then I am puzzled and a bit disappointed since I believed he was really totally honest with the good dr… maybe I missed a whole semester in the Narc school and I am still driven by my ET about HG … damn it

        1. Omg
          The GDs know about the blog and they have read it in the past.
          Read this article; it is VERY short and I think you will enjoy it. I did.

          MATRINARC/Oct. 2018
          MARCH 28, 2019 AT 03:03
          HG Tudor – are you still seeing the good Drs. E and O?

          HG Tudor
          MARCH 28, 2019 AT 08:04

          IMPREGNABLE/MARCH 2019
          MARCH 11, 2019 AT 11:05
          Hello HG, You are most welcome. It is a useful model. Are you still seeing the same doctors?

          HG Tudor
          MARCH 11, 2019 AT 11:08
          Thank you. Yes, I am, albeit less often than I have done owing to my increased travelling that is taking place nowadays. I keep in touch with my privately appointed psychologist through Skype more often.

  2. Has there been any red flags that she’s missed or overlooked yet ? Have you tested her on anything yet? Have you made her cry already or used any tactics? Why would you want to marry her? You said you are incapable of love & joy, so what do you get out of being with her or being married to her? You’ve said she earns lots but I dont think you are short of a bob or two. I dont think a woman of that calibre would entertain an average earner, so it’s not for money? What would be your advice to her if she asked on here? It would be Goso!! Once you have her and marry her would that start the devaluation? Have you found her weaknesses and fears? Have you gave her warnings (like narcs do..e.g. I’m not the soppy type or I may hurt you) do you know when you are lying? Thanks HG looking forward to the article! Good of you to share some of your personal life:-)

  3. Hi HG. You are one of the few people who can bring me out of my shell these days. Way behind the 8 ball. This is the first I’ve heard of your love interest. I hope your increased awareness helps you and your girlfriend (I refuse to use the term IPPS) have a healthy relationship. I hope you both have each other’s best interests in mind and heart.

    At the same time, I’m going a bit cold because of what you write here. I remember being fortunate to find you early in your blog, so I could catch up from the beginning. The machinations are chilling. My first reaction in that cold place was to ask cheekily if she has a good pair of running shoes. That’s unfair.

    I do have a question and a follow up. Has SM met Matrinarc? If so, what is the dynamic amongst the three of you? If not, when do you plan on an introduction?

    As always, thank you for the education.

      1. Thank you NarcAngel. It’s good to see you. I’m happy HG found someone who seems to bring him peace. I hope it’s everlasting.

    1. Q1: Has SM met Matrinarc?

      A: Yes.

      Q2: If so, what is the dynamic amongst the three of you?

      A: Nothing.

      Q3: If not, when do you plan on an introduction?

      A: When it must be.

  4. HG, These questions are just for you to get some ideas on what your readers might want to know about you, SM, and your new dynamic, in order for you to write a post about her correct? I didn’t want you to think I was against you marrying SM! That is not my suggestion at all! I’m simply asking questions that I would ask to any narcissist that would want to marry my daughter, sister, Mother, brother, or any other person that I hold near and dear to my heart. Never are any of my questions intended to hurt you in anyway!

  5. Sorry.. one more question popped into my head.. if you and SM have been acquainted for 2 years but are just now getting together, what prevented you from attempting to ensnare her initially? Or, did you and she denied you? Or, were you just waiting for the right time? Can you give us some background on this.. from the time you met her until you became a couple, what your thought process or strategy was?

  6. Hello HG,

    Thank you for invoking our curiosity with this task. I have four questions for you:

    1. If you were to marry the SM where do you see yourselves in 10 years time? What about the SM?
    2. How do you feel about the SM’s family?
    3. What are the core values both you and the SM would bring to a parenting arrangement if you were to have children?
    4. What will you do if you fall out of love?

    All the best with your decision HG.

    1. Q1. If you were to marry the SM where do you see yourselves in 10 years time? What about the SM?

      A: It depends who breaks connectivity.

      Q2. How do you feel about the SM’s family?

      A: Irrelevant.

      Q3. What are the core values both you and the SM would bring to a parenting arrangement if you were to have children?

      A: Never have children.

      Q4. What will you do if you fall out of love?

      A: Move on.

  7. Ahhh the Shieldmaiden!!! This makes me wish I had not deactivated my social media. Specifically my Instagram page. I really miss following along on your “Narcsite” page over there. I know I will eventually catch up when I return so for now here are my questions.

    Did all of your girlfriends have nicknames? Or is this the first one who does?

    Does the Shieldmaiden know what you are?

    Has your therapy helped you in any way where you won’t do to her what you’ve done to the others?

  8. HG,

    Just the three questions if you don’t mind:

    Without using the words “power” or “fuel”, when SM looks deep into your eyes and says, “HG, I love you more than life itself” before gently kissing you, describe how you feel and how does it differ from say your ex-wife Fiona – a women whose fuel you have previously stated was better than anyone else’s before – hence the reason you married her.

    Also, can you give us examples of things that slightly annoy or irate you about SM. After all, she is human and you can’t say there’s nothing because that just wouldn’t be true i.e. a slightly annoying laugh or different political views to your own which may cause friction in time – (being an empath from Scandinavia, I can’t possibly believe she has the same right wing/conservative views as yourself – good for her).

    And finally, if she really is as clever as you say, are we to believe that she hasn’t noticed or even asked about certain things in your past, the things you do and say, little gestures (perhaps even unknown to you) – the fact that you’ve had so many ex-partners for example but present as the perfect gentleman just would not square with most people normal and emotionally clever people – even if she does love you now.

    Thank you.


      1. That is one question I had. I assume the answer is yes and agree with SJ, probably her father.
        But lol, I’m not even trying to answer for you, HG.

        1. Narcnoob and K,

          Narcnoob, oh my, are you sure you want the answer?

          The scrapbook is a coffee table book Hg likes his intimate sources to stumble into during deval. It has cut and paste pics of his previous girlfriends, but not all intact. It is some person’s face with another person’s body, or something like that. This is from memory. I may be wrong with the details. Maybe K can direct you to a thread where we talk about it (in utter disgust which then progresses to humour because it’s just too much). Enjoy! (Lol)

          1. Narcnoob and Jenna, the scrap book is in the book ‘Sex and the Narcissist’. HG keeps a scrapbook with cut out pictures of his ex intimate partners’ distinguishable features: best legs, best smile, best boobs, best teeth, best toes with the corresponding cut out pictures of those parts. That’s how I understood it in the book.

          2. Hi MP,

            I recall that the scrapbook reference was in ‘Sex and the Narcissist’ but I did not want to go back and look for details (as it will bring back bad memories). Thank you for your explanation. I could not quite recall how the cut outs were laid out. Btw, I wonder if he gets his scrapbook supplies from Michael’s? Oh wait, maybe there’s no Michael’s in the UK? Do you use 12×12 card stock or 8.5×11?! So many scrapbooking questions…

          3. Hi K (and Narcnoob and Mommypino),

            Thank you K, but the thread I had in mind is much older, I think from 2016, when we first talked about the scrapbook. In any case, I think Narcnoob gets the picture (pun intended!). Thanks to MP also for elaborating.

          4. My pleasure jenna
            There are intermittent comments about the scrapbook mentioned in 2016/2017. Here are some.

            DECEMBER 13, 2016 AT 18:57
            I’m puzzled because I’m not having the same reaction as others. You do not desire to cut up actual body parts.
            I see your scrapbook as your creation of the ‘perfect woman’.

            HG Tudor
            DECEMBER 13, 2016 AT 19:07

            MAY 25, 2017 AT 17:48
            AH OH, tell me about it! I almost died when i first read about that scrapbook! Sick!

          5. I have to admit this level of objectification bothers me more than other tangential ways of objectifying. I think it’s because I consider it further removed from the actual person than most. It is also why the Instagram puts me off.

          6. Agree as well. I find it I guess the word would be immature and a bit exploitative- but I check in on the instagram tracking occasionally. Seems like a lot of food. 😀..and things that are the easy part of the relationship… The golden period . Wine and dine traveling and laughing -ho ho ho. To me the important and tougher parts of the relationship are those Sunday afternoons at 4 PM or Tuesday at 730pm- The day-to-day.
            That’s where my ex narcs mask and behavior fell really short. When it was just me and her and hours stretching out. No passive distractions-Those were the times I felt should be when we would bond deeper… get that feeling that it’s you and me- moving forward together- into the future. A time to revel in each other’s love… But it just never seemed to happen often-Instead it would highlight to me her inability to /or lack of true love towards me. I would realize I was in a futile situation-With someone content to be distant and shallow at best. It’s OK to go there now and then but not if there was never any deep intimacy established first. Anyways- I thought maybe at some point HG will surprise us With other information that isn’t all unicorns and rainbows on Instagram regarding shield maiden. So I will check back on the saga

          7. Hi Jenna.
            It is. It bothers me especially because my husband had done something related in objectifying me. I never understood it. I am still angry with him and the thing is he knows I am but he doesn’t understand what bothers me about it. In my case I was very aware that he was paying attention to an image of me and not actually me. So the consequences for my experience of my life had zero to do with his experience of what he was getting out of it. He still doesn’t understand that, what that feels like- to have my experience of my life be inaccessible to him emotionally. Often it is the insidious, nearly undetectable consequences of narcissism that most get to me because they are the most difficult to explain to another person. And the consequences of changing course from the path we’d set out on causes feelings in me that I won’t get into.
            Sometimes I start to get a handle on our dynamic and how I’ve become the person that I am in this relationship. That I feel guilty over certain things because it is easy to see things in a somewhat black and white way and I certainly have my self-centered parts, but I can see that he was never going to allow a particular type of relationship no matter what and he doesn’t even know that and he thinks things are different than what they are.

          8. Hi Nunya,

            I’m sorry your husband objectified you by seeing an image of you than actually you. They don’t understand, and like you said “Often it is the insidious, nearly undetectable consequences of narcissism that most get to me because they are the most difficult to explain to another person”
            I relate to this very well. It’s difficult to explain to others and it makes one feel more isolated. Please stay strong and stay here. We are all survivors and we are here for one another!

          9. “Those were the times I felt should be when we would bond deeper… get that feeling that it’s you and me- moving forward together- into the future. A time to revel in each other’s love… But it just never seemed to happen often-Instead it would highlight to me her inability to /or lack of true love towards me.”

            That sounds familiar, Kathleen : )

          10. Yeah, I’d seen your previous comment somewhere also, SMH. I noticed you felt that way about the correlation.

            The funny thing is I get the impression some of us (empaths) like something about the concept (not the particular execution).
            I think something about being objectified reminds me of someone being proud of me. And I had a recollection of a few things.

            One is I recall being objectified in a sort of sexual role thing with an empath man or two in my life and enjoying it. But I do think there are rare dominant empaths. And it seems empathic to be generous in an area I find thrilling. I’ve always wondered why some men see it as the opposite.

            But if the empathy is removed then it is done for the wrong reasons and the narcissistic part of the act exclusively takes over and becomes a twisted, far less desirable version of what I crave. There are red flags there to differentiate. One might be unaware at first of what is slowly being taken from away, never ever to be returned.
            Another thing i recall is my dad several times offering me up to get something. It was minor, but very unmistakable bartering and actually did put me in dangerous situations. Children can be aware of everything. Speaking of Michael Jackson it seems that happened to him excessively. He must have constantly noticed.

          11. Nunya Biz,

            You are right about the narcissism taking over. I didn’t mind when Excel/MRN objectified me IN bed, but out of bed, forget it. In the end I wrote him a long email with erotica in the middle to illustrate how to keep the objectification contained. I see HG doing the same thing to SM – treating her like an object to fuel up and fix himself. He says she isn’t an appliance to him but um, I think she is.

            I think men objectify girls as a matter of course and yes, fathers do it to their own daughters. I am sorry that your father put you in dangerous situations. Mine only did by hitting me and being generally uninterested/distant, both also forms of objectification.

          12. Well I’m sorry about you, SMH! I did not know that about your father. I always counted myself lucky that although mine aimed his temper at me sometimes he never hit me.

            I know what you mean about the erotica, I’ve seen you mention it. I have tried to imply to a person by example and have felt like instigating toward that end also (and with a bit of torment). Of course they can’t see. Nothing applies to them, like magic.
            The very idea that someone being kind, attentive, generous, means that one’s manipulation is working is born of self-hatred. I am not even allowed to like their pleasant parts, they only twist the generosity.
            N’s can even take a hello and twist it into the speaker being jealous, controlled, tricked, or aroused. Tertiary fuel. So gross.

  9. … and how did you meet her anyways, and set up a new date? How did you seduce her and convince her that you are a wonderful person (which you are of course, except for some abusive tendencies, you know)?
    Is she submissive and she know that? (I mean: is she aware of her own patterns and tendencies and empathic qualities?)
    Does she have dark hair, too?

  10. Ah, yes, that had been my question, too:
    Did she know about narcissism before meeting you?
    Had she been in an abusive relationship before?
    Did that influence your decision?

    Has she yet ever mentioned to you that some of your narc behaviours are disturbing to her? (Not calling it “narc” of course.)

    Aaand…. does the poor woman have any idea that she is your guinea pig to write about …?

    1. Thank you Ava101, I wanted to ask that as well. If Shieldmaiden has been in any abusive relationship before whether from her parents or a previous romantic partner.

  11. You said you were an elite narc. Is she also an elite empath? What are the characteristics of an elite empath? (in opposition to a cerebral narc or cerebral empath if that exists.)

  12. If you were to find/cross paths with your Amanda while in a formal relationship with SM, what would you do?

  13. HG
    I guess I will wait to see what you write. I might not have any questions remaining, perhaps I will have more. Any questions I have currently have nothing to do with her but with you. I look forward to what you have to offer.

    1. NA – the questions you seek are a part of your own totality in a knowing of self. I hope you can achieve the peace you constantly seek.

  14. This is great, HG. I am looking forward to reading an article about you and the SM.

    What school and cadre of Empath is SM?
    Has she been in other relationships with narcissists before? If so, what school and cadre?
    Have you gained more insight into yourself and others that are helpful in this new relationship?
    If I understood correctly, there will be no devaluation this time. Is this correct?
    Have you learnt other ways not to feel criticized/wounded by her words/actions?
    Were you able to build some trust in this relationship?
    Does SM know about Cluster B personality disorders, especially NPD?
    Does she know you have been diagnosed with a NPD?
    Are you going to tell her that you are a well-known author helping survivors of narcissistic abuse around the world?
    Do you feel better than in previous relationships?
    Do you think that if she accepts you for what you are, you will be able to feel genuine love for the first time?

    From what you have posted on IG, I have the impression you are genuinely happy with her and I sincerely wish you all the best in this relationship, HG.

    1. Q1: What school and cadre of Empath is SM?

      A: Religious.

      Q2: Has she been in other relationships with narcissists before? If so, what school and cadre?

      A: Not exactly, but has connections that the Narcissist would blush over dealing with.

      Q3: Have you gained more insight into yourself and others that are helpful in this new relationship?

      A: Doubtful, but hope remains. It will be learned.

      Q4: If I understood correctly, there will be no devaluation this time. Is this correct?

      A: You cannot devalue a shield as it protects you…

      Q5: Have you learnt other ways not to feel criticized/wounded by her words/actions?

      A: He will have to “blank out” and lose cognitive functioning if he can not respond appropriately to her inquiries – words into feelings has been slowly abandoned. He really should RUN….

      Q6: Were you able to build some trust in this relationship?

      A: Yes.

      Q7: Does SM know about Cluster B personality disorders, especially NPD?

      A: The relevant persons are aware.

      Q8: Does she know you have been diagnosed with a NPD?

      A: The relevant persons are aware.

      Q9: Are you going to tell her that you are a well-known author helping survivors of narcissistic abuse around the world?

      A: It will not matter.

      Q10: Do you feel better than in previous relationships?

      A: Welcome to a new kind of learning, my dearest friend.

      Q11: Do you think that if she accepts you for what you are, you will be able to feel genuine love for the first time?

      A: Love is learned.

        1. So polite you are to commenters answering on your behalf. What would you say if not governed by the 5 rules?

          1. On another thread, it was said that “Bless your heart,” could be used to negate a rude remark. HG offered. “I like to opt for “you can fuck that shit sky high”. Considering the rudeness of this rampant series of usurped questions, perhaps that would be close!

            As a point of irony, I noted she did not answer her own questions.

          2. Quote of the Day,

            Yes it is these types of emotive/conversational statements that I was referring to. Thanks for finding that. And the irony part, hehe.

          3. Of course you are right. Silly me! But remember once you gave us an example of what you would not reply (in another thread), just as an example of course. I was totally blown away because you were being emotive. So I thought perhaps you could give us one such example here, if you wish to.

          4. Lol. Thank you HG. It’s quite early in your day, but I’m still much obliged.

  15. Hello HG, For your consideration:

    Regarding Shieldmaiden:
    1. Describe Shieldmaiden in detail (not appearance, but personality, character, intelligence and humor) both personally and professionally.
    2. What do you think attracted her to you most?
    3. Has SM had healthy prior relationships? What duration? How many?
    4. How did her previous relationships end and why?
    5. How does she envision a good marriage?
    6. How does she feel about infidelity?
    7. When would she retire and why?
    8. How does she feel about touch (hugs and other displays of affection)
    9. Does she view separate and shared finances?
    10. Does she know anyone (else) that has a personality disorder? How does she view that person?
    11. Does she rely on ET primarily in her relationships? (One can be logical in your professional life and rely on ET in relationships).
    12. How important is a deeper connection to her?
    14. What are Shieldmaiden’s hopes and dreams? How would she see you taking part in them?

    For HG:
    1. Please describe the new dynamic in detail; even if it requires a separate post.
    2. How, specifically did you meet (we know it was related to your professional life, but please provide the details if appropriate to do so).
    3. Is Shieldmaiden a peer, subordinate or superior in job title? How do you feel about this? How would you feel if this changed?
    4. Have you been and can you remain honest about your own needs and share those?
    5. Do you believe you can sustain the new dynamic throughout the marriage?
    6. Can you resist the desire to extract negative fuel (to any harmful degree) ongoing?
    7. If SM were to retire and her income ceased, would you feel differently about her or become disappointed?
    8. Aging is inevitable for all of us. Will this process negatively impact your perception of Shieldmaiden to the point you are repulsed? Or can you be happy with perfectly imperfect?
    9. Have you shared your family dynamic with her and has she reciprocated?
    10. Even if you can maintain your new dynamic (we are all pulling for you), would the other narcissists in your family (or other parts of your life) be jealous and attempt to spoil your union?
    11. Would you (or does she desire to) live together before marriage? If yes, why? If no, why not?
    12. If you could fast forward in life 10 years, which would you regret more, marrying or not marrying and why?
    14.I assume if you wanted to deal with the Creature, SM would stand strong at your side and be highly supportive. Do you feel Shieldmaiden could assist you (to whatever degree) in healing your past wounds?

    I skipped 13 on purpose 😉 Only good luck and best wishes for you both.

      1. Thank you, FM1T, you are most kind! I enjoyed ready yours as well. Sorry for the typos in my entries on this blog. I am terrible at single finger typing and editing on an iPad.

        1. I understand the typos! Please don’t apologize! Between my grammar, typos, and emotional thinking, at times I find it hard to believe anyone can understand what I’m writing! Btw, I’m using my iPhone! 😂

    1. Regarding Shieldmaiden:

      1. Describe Shieldmaiden in detail (not appearance, but personality, character, intelligence and humor) both personally and professionally.

      A: It is emotional, not physical.

      2. What do you think attracted her to you most?

      A: Emotional connectivity.

      3. Has SM had healthy prior relationships? What duration? How many?

      A: No, the SM has not.

      4. How did her previous relationships end and why?

      A: Lack of emotional connectivity.

      5. How does she envision a good marriage?

      A: Companionship.

      6. How does she feel about infidelity?

      A: Intolerable. Goodbye.

      7. When would she retire and why?

      A: She would be forced.

      8. How does she feel about touch (hugs and other displays of affection)

      A: She would like that unless she is unable.

      9. Does she view separate and shared finances?

      A: Separate.

      10. Does she know anyone (else) that has a personality disorder? How does she view that person?

      A: Yes, she does and has had to undertake it herself.

      11. Does she rely on ET primarily in her relationships? (One can be logical in your professional life and rely on ET in relationships).

      A: Do not know what ET is.

      12. How important is a deeper connection to her?

      A: The question should have been stated as follows: “What level on behalf of other people allows her to have a deeper connection with the Narcissist that will effectually end abusive cycles on earth.”

      14. What are Shieldmaiden’s hopes and dreams? How would she see you taking part in them?

      A: To rectify not being a Shield to INSANITY.

  16. How nice of you to provide us this opportunity to ask questions about SM! This week on your blog has been so fun!

    Will you be faithful to her or will you cheat?

    If she goes on a business trip, will you cheat on her because of your need for fuel?

    I thought she has short blonde hair? In this pic (obviously not her but a representation of her) it is long. So is it actually long or short?

    Once you wrote regarding a question about SM dynamics, ‘for once it is not about me.’ Does this mean you actually care for her?

    If you do marry her, would it be a stepford deval type situation where you are mostly nice to her and get negative fuel from ipss’s?

    Does she know that you are a narc yet?

    Has she stumbled into your work on youtube?

    If/when you tell her about the blog, will she be moderator sometimes? I kind of hope not, but maybe when you are really busy you might ask her to answer some questions (the ones she can)?

    Is she a good cook?

    Does she have any kids?

    How often do you see her?

    Does she live with you?

    Do you love her?

    1. Q1: Will you be faithful to her or will you cheat?

      A: All goes to fuel, but Narcissist will have trouble deviating because she is shielding him from an intense negative that he cannot imagine… such as loss of cognitive thinking, emotional instability, and prevention of the creature being emerged without rectification. It is a part of getting out of this cycle of which the 1% is deviating from as I type!

      Q2: If she goes on a business trip, will you cheat on her because of your need for fuel?

      A: Yes, if he can emotionally get away with it; no, if he cannot.

      Q3: I thought she has short blonde hair? In this pic (obviously not her but a representation of her) it is long. So is it actually long or short?

      A: Looks are irrelevant at this time… it’s an EMOTIONAL connectivity.

      Q4: Once you wrote regarding a question about SM dynamics, ‘for once it is not about me.’ Does this mean you actually care for her?

      A: No, he does not care for her, but realizes that he needs “SM” to effectuate how he must survive and thrive as a person himself. Caring can be nurtured in time via appreciation upon complete acquiescence to a new order of which change of self will gradually complete.

      Q5: If you do marry her, would it be a stepford deval type situation where you are mostly nice to her and get negative fuel from ipss’s?

      A: The negative energy that the Narcissist would provoke upon other sources will e/affect the Shield Woman to the point where the Narcissist’s survival would be hinged upon stopping his behavior or she will not shield any longer.

      Q6: Does she know that you are a narc yet?

      A: Irrelevant, but yes in a minimum of “backwards” thinking.

      Q7: Has she stumbled into your work on youtube?

      A: Irrelevant. It is emotional.

      Q8: If/when you tell her about the blog, will she be moderator sometimes? I kind of hope not, but maybe when you are really busy you might ask her to answer some questions (the ones she can)?

      A: She will not condone this level of behavior.

      Q9: Is she a good cook?

      A: Depends on her level of connectivity with a certain relevant classes.

      Q10: Does she have any kids?

      A: If she does, HG is officially “smitten like a kitten” in his language. I would run.

      Q11: How often do you see her?

      A: It will be hard for him to be apart from her if this level has been activated on earth.

      Q12: Does she live with you?

      A: He will have to.

      Q13: Do you love her?

      A: He would need her for his evolution.

      Love is learned.

      1. Hello Sarah Hope,
        I’m not understanding why you’re answering the questions you’re asking. Care to explain? Do you follow HG on Instagram? Thanks!

  17. I have never heard of the shieldmaiden hg so of course I’m interested in it. I wonder is she the female version of you?

      1. Sarah Hope
        Wrong, she is.

        JANUARY 17, 2019 AT 11:28
        HG, I’m behind on comments as I have been sleeping and you have been a very prolific moderator. (A well fueled HG is a phenomenon to behold!). So forgive me if this has been asked and answered already. The new lady, L, in red, what is her empathic school and cadre?

        HG Tudor
        JANUARY 17, 2019 AT 11:37
        Magnet Super Empath.

  18. Would you have, or have ever, gotten to this point in a relationship before therapy?
    Why the decision to (possibly) marry this one?
    Is she so different, somehow better, than all the others or have you changed since therapy began?
    What is the age difference between you?
    Is she the one who will never disappoint you, whose fuel will never get stale?
    As a self aware narcissist, did you know the extent and limitations you have as a narcissist before therapy?
    Does it make sense for me to wish you happiness, are you ever happy or isn’t that an emotion you have, won’t ever have?

  19. Are you really trying to turn a new leaf -Or-Is this some sort of experiment? I have not researched your history that much HG. Your history with relationships. So it might help to have a summary of that prior to this when you tell this story. I’ve kind of not paid attention because I don’t like the concept of narcissist can have a stable relationship because that would make me feel bad because I’d worry that my ex and her new clients are living in Bliss. And you always teach that that is not true but you’re broadcasting something different. With this seduction-etc.

    1. See the comments about the distinction between this and any other situation. I have made this patently clear. I am not repeating myself.

  20. H G, I also think you are asking us to ask you these questions to you help you decide if asking her to marry you is the right thing to do. We as empaths, (whether we all have gotten along or not in the past) will surely ask you the right questions which you will need to help you decide if it is right or wrong. You have always been honest with us, even though at times it was hard to hear! Now it’s time to pay you back for all of that knowledge. Even though some might be hard to read, it will be the best for you and her. You’ve taught us well kind sir!

    1. It’s more likely to be finding out what kind of empaths we are from the context and angle of our questions. And how potent the fuel would be, along with acquiring additional knowledge to the specific cadres to further his work. Each and every one of us aid Mr Tudor in his endeavors. Why on earth would you think any of our opinions could ever sway a Greater?

      1. Sarah, I think it was wishful thinking on my part. I think a lot of it has to do with him changing his dynamic. But even in him doing that I’m not sure if it is real, or just another way he has found to manipulate others? My Mother ( when she was still alive) would always say you can catch more bees with honey then you can with vinegar. 😉

      2. Sarah I have no active site on word press. I only set it up because of the blog. I didn’t want you to think I was refusing you. Have a great Sunday!

        1. Did I do a whoopsie?
          I’m a button presser. Twisted button presser.

          Have a great Sunday also.

  21. H G this is very good and brave of you to do! I wish someone would of ask my first narcissist these questions before I married him!

  22. If she does criticize you or stand up to you will you punish her with a silent treatment? Or will you be able to be an adult and discuss it with her after you both have had time to cool down?

  23. What makes SM different from all the others before? Or is it just your willingness to try this new dynamic?

  24. Will you be answering these questions honestly by thinking about them? Or will you simply answer because you think it is the way you should answer at this time. Not that your not being honest but that it is more wishful thinking on your part rather then the way it will really be? I hope this makes sense?

    1. Great question foolme1time. When you look at HG’s instagram photos of the golden period with the SM, everything appears to be very “tickety boo” and it looks like a modern fairy-tale. I hope that HG will be completely honest in this upcoming article, even if some things in the relationship are “not so pucker”.

      For anyone who’s wondering what “tickety boo” and “not so pucker” mean, please see HG’s article, “Tickety Boo or Not So Pucker”.

  25. What does the MO mean? That isn’t for story telling most likely just my ignorance but Google didn’t help.

  26. What if it is you that is sick or hurt ( not seriously) and she is on a business trip in another country and can not get back to you right away because she has an important meeting the next day, will you understand or will that wound you?

  27. Did you hope initially she was the perfect one to fill your void? Or from day one did you know you would have no attachment? How many others are you having sex with whilst enjoying this golden period?

    1. D
      To understand attachment, read Why The Narcissist Must Reject Intimacy and there’s a link to: Attachment is The Seat of Misery.

      HG Tudor
      JANUARY 31, 2019 AT 15:02
      She is The One but this is viewed in a different way than previously.

      HG Tudor
      FEBRUARY 10, 2019 AT 13:29
      No, I bring much gladness into their lives. Of course they will not receive any intimacy from me because that is solely reserved for The Shieldmaiden, but I would remain friendly with the secondary sources (both IPSS and NISS). Remember, the label of IPSS remains IF there has been intimacy in the past even though that has halted and the individual is treated as an NISS.

  28. You spoke of perhaps wanting children with her. Do you think just one parent loving and nurturing that child is enough when both parents are alive and living together? Was it enough for you? Honestly it didn’t do me much good!

    1. I thought that he had a vasectomy? Did he say that he’s planning on reversing it? Sorry I missed that discussion.

          1. MP, There was a picture on Instagram and in the background a picture of what appeared to be a rocking horse. I commented about it and ask if there were little SM running around? He replied “ No not-yet!”

        1. They probably recognized his voice but didn’t want to cross paths with him again since they have moved on and are sticking with their GOSO.

  29. They say you never know someone until you live with them. Right now you see her as a pillar of strength and determination. We all know everyone has their weaknesses. When the infatuation stage is over and you begin to see a flaw here or there, or perhaps her breaking down crying over a loss or something else. Will you see that as a weakness and be disgusted or will you be able to hold her and show her genuine compassion and or sympathy?

  30. Is this Linn Ullmann, Norwegian author, she’s been in the newspapers.
    She writes about narcissistic partners.

    1. You’ve many empath followers, H.G. who care deeply about you. It shows in this thread in particular. Many thoughtful comments.
      It makes me smile.

        1. Possibly, and she’s married to Niels Dahl.
          There’s a chance she might know who H.G. is, if not dated him in the past and is hoovered by him, naturally.

  31. 1. Have you ever had an argument?
    2. Has she ever criticized you?
    3. Do you smile and laugh around her since you only do that for appearances?
    4. Has she ever paused, quietly, and looked a little confused?
    5. Does she like to have alone time or her own time too, while you’re doing this blog or whatever it is you do behind that closed door?
    6. Does she want children?
    7. Does she take shit from you or do you think she will in the future?
    8. Do her parents, friends and family like you (I know, “naturally”).
    9. Have any of her friends or relatives flirted with you? Have your charms seduced them?
    10. Has your mother met her? If so, what did she say about her?

  32. So, of course I Googled ‘shield maiden’ as I’d never heard the term and chose not to entirely infer meaning by the implication. To be honest, it reminded me of a short story we were told to read in high school regarding two people; a man who spends the day doing lovely things for others, almost until it’s gooey with sweetness, only to return home to his wife who regales him with all the terrible things she did that day. And at the end, it’s made clear, they took turns, and it would be her turn to be the ‘angel’ the following day, and his, to be the ‘bastard’.
    Anything like that? 😉

    1. Hi Caity
      The shieldmaiden HG is referring to is the Lagertha character from the Vikings series. She is a stunning character in all ways. She’s become one of my virtual heroines. I don’t watch many shows but Vikings, I always have time for…. and Star Trek Discovery

  33. When she becomes ill and needs you to be there for her will you be able to put everything else that you may want or need to do aside to take care of her, no matter how long it may take?

  34. I want to be your shieldmaiden also H.G I am a very disorder individual I think we should combine our superpowers xxx

  35. Do you honestly think it is fair or that she will be happy being married to a man, (even though he may treat her like royalty and spend all of his money on her) who can never feel love to her?

    1. Foolme1time

      I don’t think the ability to feel is entirely necessary when you can show someone you care through actions and words.

      Acting/mirroring in the case of the N, or wearing your heart on your sleeve, such as what we do, would likely serve the same purpose if and when it’s done/shown with the other persons needs/wants in mind.

      1. Narc noob, That would be true as long as it is her needs that are being met through actions and words and not his. Or not used for alternative motives.

      1. No idea, Mommypino. I was joking, I didn’t check the news, but I tried to make HG tell us the journal she was on which, of course, he won’t.

          1. I wasn’t even. I did try to make you tell us the name of the newspaper but I know you won’t. That’s not reverse psychology to make you do the opposite. It’s pure logic.

        1. I have a feeling it would be more about her company or business, her picture may not even be on it but her name might be.

          1. I was close. They are reading The Economist on IG. They are both in finance. So now we know what they both care about, which is money. Surprise, surprise.

          2. Lol I saw that on IG too. It doesn’t surprise me either. Although my MRE sister was really bad with money even though her lifestyle needed tons of money to support it. I wish that she had subscribed to at least the Money magazine (less political than The Economist). It’s good to know that HG and SM care about finance. 😊

          3. Mommypino, It’s helpful to be good with money but when you make it your life’s goal to make more and more? Then it’s a hoarding disorder.

          4. SMH, I totally agree! It’s like the bowl of cherries analogy: it’s good to learn the techniques on picking the best and the most cherries which is fun but hoarding them for yourself and letting the rest go bad is not as fun as sharing it with people. It’s always good to have money but the real fun is when you get to use that money to help people and do special things unconditionally for the people you love.

          5. Mommypino, Yes. I always say money is freedom. Nothing more, nothing less. If you are a giving person you will give. If you are a controlling person you will control. Poor people donate a higher percentage of their income. I judge men by how generous they are because I think there is especially a male connection between money and emotions. Excel was not generous at all!!

          6. Lol it cracks me up that you’re calling him ‘Excel’. He must be very efficient, expedient, but can be very hard to figure out. 😂
            But I agree with everything that you said about sharing. 😊

          7. SMH, to add about Excel, cold and calculating, hard to figure out at first but when you do you realize it’s super predictable.

          8. lol mommypino. cold and calculating but super predictable. I really laughed out loud at that. Thank you.

          9. SMH
            Usually, I am oblivious to the time when the comments are posted but I do take notice when they remain in moderation or disappear and, sometimes, I get impatient so I try to remind myself that he has a lot of comments to moderate or answer.

          10. SMH, it’s because K and I are the teacher’s pets! No, seriously, who cares? When they show up, they show up. Most times I forget I posted something until someone replies.

          11. SP, It was just that one time – I was in the groove and suddenly HG disappeared and other comments were posted before mine. It doesn’t matter now. I don’t even remember what we were on about. But it is only about HG – no one else on here.

            It has made me think about the interactive nature of this blog. I don’t mind now when HG suddenly disappears for days on end but earlier in my recovery it felt like being shelved and I wanted him to tell us when he would be gone. It was just like Excel. There was a period with him where I was highly anxious and I asked him to be in touch every single day. He did it for a whole month. It was like he was virtually holding my hand until I calmed. But then suddenly he disappeared and I panicked – why are you doing this??!! Turns out he was away with IPPS (he messaged me from the hotel bathroom at 6:00 a.m.) but he could have easily told me he’d be out of touch for a few days. I wouldn’t have minded to know. He disappeared just as I was getting over my anxiety/panic, and I read it as manipulative, his feeling that I was losing interest (I was because the whole thing was becoming normalized). Now I think it was just obliviousness, but of course that was part of the problem – his obliviousness to courtesies like signing off on emails, telling me when he would be out of touch etc.

          12. Thank you, HG. I am feeling very clear-headed today. But it is true that these were the hardest things for me in my relationship with Excel. Now I understand why they happened and that I shouldn’t personalize it, as we empaths tend to do, but there are still residual triggers, which I am sure you understand.

          13. SMH, many of us here have fear of being abandoned. I know where that fear comes from in my case, but not in your case of course. It is a common source of anxiety for me. When I started dating my husband, he understood my fear and made sure to let me know where he was and whether he was going to be late every time. He still does so after so many years. Ironically, the narc did let me know when he would not be able to talk when he was with his IPPS. He said he didn’t want me to think he was ghosting me. It’s funny because I ended up ghosting him instead. I never thought I would ghost anyone but hey, you can never say never.

          14. SP, Ghosting your narc. Good for you. I was polite about it (at first). For me fear of abandonment is unusual. It has only ever happened with Excel, so it must have been his intermittent reinforcement the first 8 months of our relationship. I was so clueless that I had to Google hot/cold, etc. When the affair part started I made a point of saying ‘no more intermittent reinforcement,’ but trying to explain it to him was like trying to explain it to a paper bag. I never got past it so I had to get past him.

          15. Sweetest Perfection
            Ha ha ha…teacher’s pets! (flying monkeys, lieutenants, the Coterie, butterflies or back patters)

          16. K, but the expression “teacher’s pets” involves that we are being favored over the other empaths, therefore our comments appear first; and we, in turn, bring HG an apple 🍎 I’m obviously just kidding, I’ve been left in moderation for a while many times too. But my comments are usually trivial while other people’s are quadrivial so I actually prefer to read what you all have to say.

          17. Sweetest Perfection
            Of course, the empaths who bring the most fuel get painted white and become the Teacher’s Pet until the golden apple gets stale and then all hell breaks loose. The fall is rough! For homework, I am working on curbing my sense of entitlement and learning to be patient with moderation.

          18. It was just the timing, K. It felt like banter for a minute, so I knew HG was there, but of course I do not know what’s going on with the other threads at any given moment.

          19. SMH
            Sometimes, I am making tea, answering the phone or making breakfast while I am commenting and that interrupts the flow. I couldn’t imagine doing it with 100s of comments; I would probably fuck it all up AND burn my toast.

          20. All true, Mommypino. And I think it would crack him up too, though it might be too meta for him to get it.

          21. “Mommypino, Yes. I always say money is freedom. Nothing more, nothing less. If you are a giving person you will give. If you are a controlling person you will control. Poor people donate a higher percentage of their income. I judge men by how generous they are because I think there is especially a male connection between money and emotions. Excel was not generous at all!!”

            Beautifully stated, SMH! Generosity is a wonderful benchmark.

  36. Ok, so that distance didn’t last too long…..Ha ha 🙄

    1. Who did SM replace? Have you written about her already?
    2. How long has the GP been so far?
    3. Why hasn’t she found herself a man and settled down, and does she want to?
    4. What colour eyes does she have?
    5. What makes you think she is different to the others?
    6. Being a (humble) super magnet empath, would she mind if someone told her that you were writing about her to a potential 13m viewers?
    7. How old is she?
    8. Will her supertraits shine though when the going gets tough, and be kind to her, and what of these traits do you know about already?
    9. Did you have a mutual attraction the first time you met?
    10. If HG could give her one piece of advise, what would that be?

    Can I continue?

      1. 11. Is she one final piece in the puzzle for the good doctors, the matrinarc and your legacy?
        12. Is she part of an experiment, (like the blog is), that the good doctors gave to you as a challenge/healing technique?
        13. Have you lied to her yet?
        14. Have you told her anything about yourself yet, ie YOUR favourite song?

  37. On Instagram, you said you are going to marry your shieldmaiden what is the point if you do and need to do all that a narcissistic sociopath needs to do in order to gain fuel her life will be miserable and she can never feel safe if she has money may I suggest a prenup as you know and if she has any sense this will not last and buys into your no accountability hence a waste of time money and emotion. Just saying H.G

      1. Regarding the marriage thing, I tried to respond to the thread. So you will get this three times or once. Only you can make the determination whether or not you should marry her. Best to you both.

      2. But that’s just fishing for fuel from us, because our actual opinions on personal matters like that would be redundant to a man like you.

      3. I do not go on IG much anymore due to mmrn presence so I googled your IG Hg. Omg!!

        1) How do you have time to answer questions there too? You are like a super machine! I just can’t understand! There are not enough hours in a day!

        2) It appears as though you are on cloud 9 with SM. You are very much in the extreme golden period! But please slow down Hg. I suggest that no, you do not ask her to marry you yet. They all disappoint you at some point. Give it at least two years and then decide, when the infatuation wears off. You will save her alot of hurt. That’s just my opinion of course so please don’t say ‘nobody tells me what to do’.

        3)Your lifestyle is so lavish! I mean I already knew that, but it is reinforced by the pics. Having so many ipps’s and ipss’s in the past, wining and dining them, must be very costly because these restaurants look like five star (from the place settings and lighting etc.). How much do you spend on each ipps, each ipss? I knew someone who kept an excel sheet on how much each girlfriend cost lol!

        4) Are you not bound by the 5 rules on IG? I can ‘feel’ your personality there, by your responses. You are more conversational there. It is delightful!

        5) You are teasing us by showing us these videos! You are giving us so many clues as to where you are, yet we will never know really. We look and look, maybe a clue here, a clue there, and you’re off, as though you never existed in that realm. You are a mystery Mr. Tudor, an intriguing dangerous mystery.

        1. 1. I am an effective machine.
          2. Your opinion is noted as your opinion.
          3. I do not keep a record. It is readily affordable.
          4. Yes.
          5. Correct.

  38. Will you reveal yourself to her? That you’re a narcissist. Will you let her read your books and the blog?

    1. If that’s Mr Tudor’s voice, then anyone would have cracked it by now. We all have Internet access. It would be impossible to ‘hide’. His site has been spread far and wide.

        1. Then this ShieldMaiden knows what you are and what you’re doing here. No-one lives under a rock any more – which is why I’m dubious she exists.

          1. A good friend or family member, perhaps – who helps you with your machinations. Or, possibly you in drag 😉

          2. I’m a die hard romantic but those too were my thoughts, especially when it came to SM.

          3. I used to be one of those. Totally fell for all the Pride and Prejudice/Jane Austin/Wuthering Heights ramalamadingdong. Now I’m just left empathic, with a penchant for a good fuck.

          4. Perhaps *she* is a distraction and it is something else. Like Sarah Hope indicated, an emotion, action or something else…

            Who knows!

          5. Yes, that idea sounds interesting.
            I just don’t think that someone of Mr Tudor’s ilk (being a greater) needs or particularly wants an actual girlfriend – not in the flesh, anyway. I imagine he feels much more comfortable creating fantasies. Because the Greater is highly intelligent and, if need be, put substantial effort into securing fuel (compared to a lesser), I just get the feeling he’s exhausted, physically, due to that and has reached a higher plain of existence than what we would call ‘the norm’ where life expectations/partners are concerned.

            It can still be an intimate experience to share and involve yourself in someone else’s dreams – because that’s what they are. There are no rules.

          6. Right you are, Mr Tudor.

            And now for my next flamboyant trick. Choose a (dis)card. Any one.

          1. HG talks to me all the time !! A few
            Sessions with him and I can still hear him talk to me – very addictive – yet sometimes when my ET is running – I hear him.
            I will never be thankful enough when in times of extreme crisis, when I could have really lost my sanity he was there and told me the right things.
            No judgment but implacable truths.
            This voice is still guiding me.
            Although I failed the Hoover’s tests.
            I guess it was my gratitude night.
            Thank you HG – you are forever painted in white :)) xxx love

        1. Possibly. Or he could have his voicebox fashioned in a glass container, wired up for sound, like Frankenstein’s monster and he now claims Disability Living Allowance.

      1. Not only spread far and wide (13m plus hits) but putting anything up concerning secrets, legacy and potential extra fuel will bring any hacker wanting to know Mr Tudors identity, and the rest!

        1. Indeed. If I’ve found my way here, so would she without a doubt. And only I would be dumb enough to know everything and still be fooled by the possible future faking of a ring 💍from Chewy.

  39. Hello, H.G.Tudor.
    I suppose that this shieldmaiden, will be some empathic with experience. She must be of arms to take as she will stand up to him and fight to death with the narcissists. She suppose that for some reason, she will find herself more and better prepared for melee combat with the narcissist. (experience maybe).
    For you to refer to this type of empathic, this type of empathic must be something special… She will be a person, who already have previous experience and do not let themselves be seduced or crushed so easily. I suppose, that this type of challenges, must also attract you in a superlative way, to try to play and win the confidence of this Shieldmaiden, Go hunting and bring your head, sure to raise your ego …

    What qualities does this Shieldmaiden have, that the rest of the empathic ones don’t have?
    Why does she know how to defend herself from the narcissist?
    How does she do it?
    Because the narcissist is attracted to her and fears her so much?
    Does he fear it or is it just another challenge?
    Is it because she is nordic and cold like ice and she doesn’t show her feelings, she doesn’t deliver fuel in an initial way? Or because as a Teutonic woman, she gives you a blow at the first change, if you start with nonsense with her… Woman with nordic character. A woman of arms take.

    1. Honestly, H.G., I don’t know what a Shieldmaiden is, so I’m looking forward to it.
      I’m reading that this shieldmaiden can be an IPPS or even one of your butterflies. But obviously it has to be someone different otherwise. They would have those names.
      I am already intrigued, please post the post as soon as possible, this Saturday is a Saturday to read HG tudor.

      1. You mentioned SM was on the front page of a newspaper. Is there a public interest in her private life?

  40. I’d like to know how you ended it with your previous ipps in order to date the shieldmaiden. Did they overlap in true narcissist style?

    1. clair1231
      You may find these comments helpful.

      HG Tudor
      FEBRUARY 4, 2019 AT 12:56
      I explained it was over and why which whilst hurtful to the individual concerned provided them with an explanation. There was a slight difference in that I was less scathing. I have nearly always provided explanations previously because it is a further opportunity to gain fuel and it also gives the appearance of being ‘reasonable’.

      HG Tudor
      MARCH 13, 2019 AT 10:02
      1. She has accepted the relationship is over.
      2. She continues to struggle with why it is over. She has contacted me a handful of times since the disengagement.
      3. I have been courteous towards Kim. I have no need of being malign (so far) as she is behaving herself and is not stupid enough to try to cause any problems for me.
      4. No there are no comfort crumbs being provided. My focus in an intimate sense is solely on SM.
      5. The new dynamic applies to the whole of my fuel matrix, however, it only extends so far with regard to certain people – my effort and focus on applying it really reserved for the SM.

      1. K, I missed this exchange! I’ve been thinking about Kim and wondering what happened. Thanks for posting

        1. My pleasure Mercy.
          I am happy you found it helpful and I am sure many people have been wondering about Kim so that should help shed some light on how the dynamic played out for her.

      2. Hi K 🙂 Thank you for posting this comment. It was interesting to read that his new dynamic applies to the whole of his fuel matrix.
        I feel sorry for Kim. It is understandable that she wants to have some closure.

        1. My pleasure E. B.
          Oh, yeah. My heart breaks for Kim and I understand her need for closure; we all do.

          It is quite interesting to read that the New Dynamic is being applied to others in his fuel matrix, as well, and we will get to see how it all unfolds.

        2. E.B. I agree. I feel the same way for Kim. God bless her. I’m so thankful that my husband will never drop me like that. That has got to hurt really bad.

        3. E.B. Just to elaborate with what I have said. I think that being left or abandoned by a person that I fully trusted to love and care about me is probably one of my greatest fears so I would definitely not do well ignore my husband would do something like that to me. I think that it stems from my family history. I hope that Kim doesn’t have the same damage that I have and is stronger than what I can imagine myself to be if I was ever in her situation.

          1. Hello mommypino,
            Thank you for your comment. I have read that children who were orphaned as a baby/toddler fear abandonment in relationships more than others. Being orphaned is a higher level of abandonment than being neglected by an emotionally absent but physically present mother. This fear of abandonment will make them hold onto relationships including those that hurt them. They put up with abuse because they are grateful that at least there is someone in this world who has accepted -and not rejected- them. They say that being accepted or wanted (even if they are wanted to be abused, exploited, taken advantage of) is more important than not being wanted at all. Being left by a partner will trigger childhood trauma and it may be excruciating. They equate being ‘wanted’ with love and acceptance. This makes them vulnerable for exploitation.

            This is one of the reasons I do not share the opinion that *all* romantic partners of narcissists are volunteers. Family history plays a role. While I would feel relieved if the abuser left me and did not hoover me anymore, I understand that this is not how all victims of narcissistic abuse feel.

          2. Hi E.B. and WhoCares,

            Thank you for bringing up the situation of orphaned kids. I would agree that it would have the highest abandonment issue especially if they moved from foster homes or orphanages. I’m trying to imagine growing up in an orphanage instead of a home with a family. You live in that orphanage with caretakers that you share with lots of kids. There is no real connection or familial warmth. I remember when I volunteered to do some accounting work at an orphanage in Sac and we were not allowed to touch any of the orphans. Nobody there is allowed to touch them so these orphans don’t even get hugged by their caretakers there. This is to avoid possible legal liabilities for possible sexual assault law suits. And then the stories of children who move to different foster homes. WhoCares, your story was heartbreaking, especially when you found out that they never stopped looking for love in their adulthood and even ended up having disfuncional lives and drug abuse. It is very heart wrenching. I feel some happiness that you were friends with them and connected through your mutual love of Prince’s music. It is really sad that there are people who has that void inside which was not their fault and ends up spending their whole lives trying to fill in that void. I agree that not all victims are volunteers. And sometimes it can be frustrating when we see someone who stays in an abusive relationship in spite of receiving so many good advice to leave and then knowing what is the right thing to do but never does it. Sometimes it’s easy to judge them but actually we should take the judgment a little slow and recognize that we don’t have the same life experiences and these life experiences affect the wounds and strengths and weaknesses that we all have.

            As for me, when I tried to imagine how I would feel if my husband ever leaves me like that, I know that I would be immensely devastated. I know that I have huge daddy issues. I have never met my dad in person since I was three which I have no memory of and not again until I was 26 and almost turning 27. He wrote letters to me the whole time but I often wished I had a dad who would stop my mom when she went too far. My husband is 28 yrs older than me and I’m guessing that maybe my daddy issues had something or some part to do with the reason I fell in love with my husband. I feel grateful all the time that I have him (and to be honest I recognize that it does fill in a void inside me). And I know that I have been so amazingly clingy to him which is why I endured the meanness from his family. And I would consider it as a huge failure if our relationship doesn’t work or last. But I think that I am strong enough to let go if I felt that there was no mutual respect and there is an abusive dynamic going on. I should count that as a blessing. And my heart does go out for those who experienced having no family. I agree that it is indeed the hardest thing for a child to experience—the experience of not belonging to someone.

          3. WhoCares, somehow I missed the part that both of the girls died young, one due to drug overdose and one due to suicide. That is so tragic, so sad. I wish life had been different for them. It’s so sad especially thinking about them when they were still innocent and the tragedy could still be prevented.

          4. mommypino,

            I hadn’t thought of them in a very long time; I had an unusual childhood that way…an only child but not a true ‘only child’ experience since I grew up alongside many other children who were in ‘the system’ …some of them did feel a bit more like brothers or sisters.
            It is tragic…and yeah, I had to stop myself from thinking about those girls…because I could so easily be emotionally derailed these days. But thinking about them certainly does emphasize how important it is to share this learning with those who are open to it – because it can stop tragedies like that.

            I’m sorry you grew up with such an abusive mother and an absent father. That can’t have been easy♡

          5. WhoCares it is hard to think about them without feeling strong emotions. I had two former coworkers who died young from cancer and I still feel strong emotions about their lives being cut short and remembering the laughs we shared at work and how bubbly they were. It is even harder in your circumstances with how tragic it turned out and then being a part of your childhood and remembering you noticing their need for love. It does make us thing about the young kids now who are in the situation that they were. I feel bad for those orphans that do not get a loving and respectful touch from someone who really cares and not just getting a paycheck for taking care of them. It is very hard.

          6. Thank-you mommypino and E.B. for your discussion.
            While it makes me deeply sad; it also increases my understanding.

            Especially your words, E.B., on orphans or abandoned children and the simple need of being ‘wanted’ and how any form of attention may be deemed ‘acceptable’ and make one susceptible to exploitation. This reminds me of two little girls I knew who were in foster care years ago…

            I now recognize that my grandmother was a narcissist, yet worked for children’s protection services many years ago. I recall, in particular two young sisters who were taken from their home and put into foster care with my grandmother (who accepted children in need of emergency care). I was young as well, but a little older than them and they were such beautiful little girls just in need of some love. They were almost clingy; it makes me sad to remember. I visited my grandmother often and these girls were in her care for a long time. I recall being quite fond of the older (more serious) one as we shared a liking for Prince’s music and creative pursuits. Even when they moved on and out of her care and became young adults they would go back to visit my grandmother.
            They both got mixed up with the wrong people later…looking for ‘love’ I’m sure…I learned one died of a drug overdose and the other committed suicide. They were both still so young.

          7. Can you imagine, mommypino, those orphans (who were never touched or hugged) once they found someone who would offer them ‘love’? How would they ever know how to recognize it…nevermind how to discern healthy love from unhealthy love…who wouldn’t except a little abuse in the mix?

            Sometimes it really is about not having a comparison. I recall when I consulted with HG to confirm whether or not my mother is a narcissist. He highlighted a facet of her behaviour that was indicative of a narcissistic parent and then he described what the response of a normal or empathic parent would be.
            I happened, at the time, to have a comparison because the people who have opened their home to me, after escaping my narcissist, are empathetic and older than me…and I was like, yeah, he’s right.
            But what a bizarre feeling it is to have a narcissistic psychopath tell you what a normal supportive parent “looks like” when no one else, for your entire adult life, could do that. Not even therapists.

          8. Ahh you’re so right WhoCares. I remember how different it felt for me when I moved to live with my dad from living with my mom. The difference was like night and day and it was a very complicated and confusing experience. It was a great relief but at the same time I felt lost and insecure. How was it for you when you had your first kid. For me it was really scary because I realized how much I don’t know about what makes a good parent.

            I was also thinking about the feeling of never belonging to anyone. We were abused but we always felt and knew we belonged to our parents. That in itself gives us a sense of security. Just imagine a person growing up with that void of not belonging to anyone and then meets a narcissist that treats them like an appliance that they own. The ownership that the narcissist gives them must give them a false or misguided sense of belonging to the narcissist. But it must be a very comforting feeling nonetheless.

          9. Mommypino,

            A sense of belonging…yes, well that’s the big deceit isn’t it? You find someone who makes you feel like you “belong” together and you are on the same trajectory but with a narcissist it is all a ruse. And I agree with you that it is comforting for a while, and someone with a lot of damage may accept it; someone, as you say, with a void of not ever belonging to anyone.

            “How was it for you when you had your first kid.”
            It’s like you said: scary. Scary mostly because you care about not making mistakes. Or at least gigantic ones; because no parent is perfect…I try to do for my son what was never authentically done for me: I pay close attention and encourage and support his natural tendencies instead of attempting to shape him to some ideal that I have for him. In the beginning it is easy to give love because, really, their needs are simpler then…I actually find parenting most difficult now because having left my entanglement I am not reminded of the abuse etc…but the big void that is left where another person is supposed to be helping me parent is a huge and constant reminder itself.

          10. Kudos to you WhoCares. It is hard enough to take care of kids with someone helping you. I can’t even imagine how hard doing it by yourself. I experienced the same fears and I had bad habits that I got from my mom in terms of having high expectations from my son. I was able to correct the attitude as I became aware of it. But it is a constant effort to be aware of the things that I do in terms of parenting to make sure that I raise them to be happy and secure.

          11. mommypino,

            All evidence here points to you being a lovely person; I’m sure you’re a good mom and your kids are lucky to have you.

          12. And also WhoCares, I just want to add that your so is so amazingly lucky and blessed that you are his mom. You more than make up for the lack of father I’m sure. He might not fully realize that now in his young age but he certainly will see everything someday and he will realized that you are one of the best gifts he ever had. 💕. My husband told me so many times that the thought of his mom gives him peace. She passed away before he graduated college. I’m sure that you are one of those moms that will give your son the peace and safe space that will always stay with him throughout his life. 💕

          13. Thank-you mommypino for your comment; you are sweet to say that. I try to do my best for my son – my current situation is challenging and frustrating which affects the quality of my parenting – so I worry bigtime about doing things wrong. Part of the problem is that I tend to forget that healthy parenting comes from a healthy parent – and I don’t take care of myself very well at times…and this is so important for both my health and modeling to my son that you cannot be there for others to the extent that it damages you too much. I want to model for him that a person should not deny themselves this way – but it’s difficult, as of late, to focus both on his well-being and my own. It is a balance…just like in nature.

            I’m so glad that your husband has positive memories of his mother.

          14. I’m sure that you are an amazing model for him already. Staying out of abusive relationship is one of the best self-care we can do for ourselves. Like you said, no one is a perfect parent. And I know we want our kids to have the best of what we can offer but really the best thing we can offer is being there for them. 💕

          15. mommypino,

            All evidence here points to you being a lovely person; I’m sure you’re a good mom and your kids are lucky to have you.

            -sorry if this comes through twice

          16. Aww thank you WhoCares! I think that I am a good mom too, my kids love me and are happy. But when I was pregnant with my first child, every time I would see something to excel at on tv like the Navy Seals or an astronaut or olympians or the winner of The Voice I was telling my husband that’s what our baby is going to be. And so he had to remind me to slow down and just let the kid develop on his own. And I learned how to do that just like what you are doing and it’s so much more fun seeing him develop with his natural interests in his own pace. It’s so much more fun and less stressful to cherish his personal development and the unique person that he is that trying to chase this idea of excellence which is nothing but illusions.

  41. HG ,
    I see you posted on Instagram that you are considering asking her to marry. I’m sure working with the Good Doctors you have learned a good deal about yourself. Do you think you are truly capable of loving the SM? What happens if and when she lets you down? Will you condition her? Is she an empathetic? (Probably a silly question). Will she be another fuel source that you eventually disengage with and then write about later? I truly hope for happiness for you and for her!!

  42. Since you are a greater and highly skilled.. does YOUR ShieldMaiden know what you are? Is it possible to know that you are ensnared with a narc, and yet want to continue the relation by choice because even though u know ur being toyed with/abused/etc etc… u still love the person, or idea of them- and choose to stay with them?

  43. Argh, where do I begin!?

    I am leaving it up to the rest as I have a tendency towards an addictive nature. Who would have thought? 😂I don’t have Netflix or watch reality TV as I can get “sucked in” pretty quickly and the need to know takes over and sooner or later the whole season could be viewed.

    I decided the other day I won’t get too close, I’ll watch from a distance 😇😝

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